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Monday, July 7, 2008

Not quite feeling so free, on my Independence Weekend

"I get lonely
Whenever you're around
I get lonely
Whenever you're around"

Those words fits my spirit and my feelings right now. These words are the chorus right now, that Jill Scott is singing right now on TvOne, I think this is her live in Paris concert. Not really sure, I just have it on in the background, but this song stands out for me. It's Saturday night, the day after the Fourth of July, and my family is downstairs, as I'm writing this. I came up here to my blog. I have said that before, am saying it now, and will without a doubt say it in the future. We were sorta having a movie night. Seeing movies that some of us have seen, some haven't seen, and some didn't mind seeing know how it is. However it was cut short for me, because I was told to shut up for the 4th time by my cousin, Tia.

Here's the deal. This is the first weekend, that her new fiancee', has spent the whole weekend, with our family. Of course, we have met, him, and we have spent time with him at one or two holidays before, but this is the first, long extended time that has been spent with him. We are doing the you are family, so make yourself at home treatment, but in the process I find myself not feeling at home, in my on mother's house. This holiday, and last face it most of the holidays, where outside-ness and cookouts are involved, our family does at our house.

It started yesterday, I mean the first shut up was done yesterday. This was done at the kitchen table. Even though the whole deck was set up for the cookout, everyone in attendance friends and family were eating inside, at the kitchen table, formal dining room table, and den, because the rain came down enough just to wet everything outside, but not enough to actually do something about the dryness of the grass. Anyway The Fiancee'...and I think that's how I'm going to refer to him, because obviously I have to treat him like a precious stone...was eating a baby back rib, and I asked him about, was it okay, that it was beef ribs. Now Tia had mentioned to us on numerous occasions, how he loved red meat, a little to much, and how he only cooks beef ribs himself. I mentioned how my mom tried to find beef ribs all week long, and everywhere was just selling the baby backs, she went to every grocery store and Costco's and they either were out, when she got there, or weren't selling them. So I mentioned that Tia had told us, and we knew how much he preferred beef ribs, which I must say I think I love a little more than the baby backs myself, but how my mom couldn't find any good ones. He smiled and said that it was cool and how he eats both. While he was doing this, she was straight grimacing, behind him mouthing for me to shut the hell up and leave him alone. Now maybe I was wrong for mentioned how she told us he love beef ribs, but it's not exactly like I said,"Your girl told us you eat too much red meat, that why you are eating the pork baby backs, but we tried to get you beef ribs anyway!" I was just doing the host thing trying to make him feel good, that we cared.

After that I went into the formal dining room and spent most of my time in there making the family friends feel good. My mother was in the den, doing the same thing, with those friends and family. By the end of the night, we mostly everybody were leaving, I was getting "'Young' you so crazy, you should have your own show....blah blah blah...and boy you are a trip" When left to be me, I'm very good at the host thing and the charming thing, most people like me! Now I have my reserve quite moments, when I don't say much at all, but when you are hosting and have new people in your home, that's not the time. I was being funny and cute, which I can do I must say!

Now back tonight, today has been a long day somehow, yet all we really did was go to the movies a few stores, and Walmart. Now we are on our third movie of the evening. We went to go see "Hancock", which I liked, but I will tell you about in another post. I guess I feel tired, from walking on egg shells all day, trying to make him feel comfortable. From where we sat in movie theaters to where we went, to whatever we did. Now here we are at home, and am tired.. tired of bending over backwards for this nigga, and my cousin still unappreciated, tired of the whispering back and forth, I understand, newly engaged, that's how they are, and tired of this nigga still acting scared of us. Here we are 7 people watching movies, and half of us have changed into more comfortable clothes, including Tia and this nigga is still in his clothes and sneakers. When even let him wear them in the house, when usually you take them off when you are up and down the stairs. I hear them two whispering back and forth about how he wants to change, but doesn't feel like he can, and she telling him, he can. Then he asks my mother if its okay if he has a piece of cake. Now she has told him over and over again he can have whatever he wants. I have mentioned that, he can go into the garage and get whatever he wants to drink from that refridge, which is filled with bottle water sodas, and all the bottle Gatorade his heart can desire, yet he still seems afraid or uncomfortable to get it. So I mentioned, how he still acting uncomfortable around us, and that this weekend, our home is his home. He gets up to get the cake, and Tia leans over and whispers again "SHUT UP!" Now I have had it. I whisper back "Woman, you got one more time to tell me to shut up!" She replies to me "Then stop talking to him, how I'm the one who is making him uncomfortable" I reply back, "You got one more time to tell me to shut up, and you going to see how uncomfortable it's about to get in here!" I then leave them all downstairs to come up here.

Now I truly feel I have went out my way to make him feel good, and feel at home. I have been trying to say the absolute right things to him. Trying to do the jokey joke thing, make him laugh. When in doubt make em' laugh I say. I have given him the free range of my room, my bed, with my good 500 thread count sheets, food, drinks, whatever he wanted to watch...etc. I'm done now.

Right now I'm going to go take a hot epson salt hot bath, and listen to some old Mary J....Till tomorrow!

Well I didn't feel like getting on yesterday, and finishing this weekend, so let me do that now. Yesterday morning, is when they were planning on leaving. After my bath, I went to my room to chill a bit, before The Fiancee' came up to bed. My mom came up early, and asked why did I leave so suddenly. I told her the deal and what had happen, and told her I just need to be by myself, for a bit. I got back online a bit, until I guess the last movie was finished, around 12:30 or 1 ish. Then everyone came up stairs to bed. I didn't say a word to Tia, the rest of the night, or the the next morning for that matter I was ready for this weekend to finish. She didn't say a word to me for that matter. She did tell my aunt I was mad at her for unknown reasons, isn't that a blimp. I hate when people know you are made and know what they did, but act like they don't know. She didn't say boo to me, until The Fiancee', said Good Morning to me, when I came down stairs yesterday morning. I had seen her a couple times that morning and she didn't say squat, but when he said good morning, is when she decides to, also.

Now I didn't mention last night, one initial detail. Me and this certain cousin, are or maybe were is a better word right now... extremely close. Since we are more close, than we are with any other family member. Even though she is 5 years older, we are really close. I have been there for every single boyfriend since high school. Met every single one, and that isn't a couple I will tell you. Not because I wanted to, but because she wanted me too, now when one finally puts a damn ring on her finger, I'm suppose to treat him like glass. She has been trying for months since the engagement, for our family to spend some true quality time with him, yet we are suppose to what, tip toe around him.I thought about it last night. It's not me, in fact most of her boyfriends, even the last one, who I didn't want her to stay involved with, liked me. The ones where I met their families liked me. I remember one ex boyfriend, she wanted me to go with her, to his family Christmas party, by the end of the night I was in his parents bedroom laughing it up, having a good time, with his mom and brothers. In fact I spent more time with his family, than with her and the then boyfriend. So I don't get why supposedly I have to be careful what I say and do around this nigga.

Well we went out to brunch. I still wasn't talking to either of them. She wanted me to shut up, so I did, to them. I of course though made sure I was looking so fresh and so clean, for Sunday brunch, while giving the silent treatment. I did of course ask them was the restaurant that I picked cool for brunch. Still trying to make sure everyone was cool, though. The seating arrangements at the restaurant ended up, where I was seated right next to him, so I couldn't exactly, not talk all through brunch. However it still wasn't my warm and lovable self I will tell you that. I still was cordial and pleasant. I talked to everybody else the same. It was a nice breakfast. It was at the Brio Tuscan Grille, so it was an Italian style brunch, but it was still good. Tia had the nerve to say, as we left the restaurant, that finally I picked a good one. Just because I want to try new things, instead of the same ole

They left shortly after we got back from brunch, to pack up food. I kissed my aunt, Tia's mom goodbye, and I gave her a half hearted "See yah", as I walked away. After being seriously burned by the Champagne on a beer budget cousin and other crap going on in my family, I'm done with people and their big bag of bull. Don't let her call me, because Mister Nice Young is gone. I'm calling people out on their B-U-L-L S-H-I-T!


Darius T. Williams said...

Sooo - I'm going to be honest here. You're like a blogger brother of mine from another mother, so you can take it.

What good is posting all this here and not saying a word to Tia going to do? Obviously there was a breakdown between communication and expectation in some form. You acted one way, she expected something different. Unless you have a conversation with her to really understand what's going on - you'll never have anything resolved. And you'll harbor ill feelings toward her on something that could probably be dubbed a misunderstanding. Just a little food for thought - thas all.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Darius.

I don't take too kindly when someone tells me to shut up. There would have been some furniture moving.

blkbutterfly said...

as has been said, it seems like a lot of misunderstandings and nervousness going on. now, she shouldn't have told you to shut up. but, it can be hard to mesh family with the new significant other. i hope you all are able to work things out.

Chet said...

Where do I start? You had better take some time for yourself and sort out your thoughts because you are experiencing some serious famil, friend issues and of no fault of your own.

Pleased to hear that the 4th was good holiday until you realized that you had gone all out for folks that appeared to be ungrateful, just think you had been everywhere looking for beef ribs and all you could find was pork trust when it is a free meal kin folks eat anything.

Don't allow things to weigh so heavy on your heart, you good people and that is why cuzin beau(s) are always after you. I agree with Darious there must have been a break down in communication.

Opinionated Diva said...

Your cuz sounds like my older cousin. She loves me...but she's a HATER!!

It sounds like your cousin wants you all to accept the fiancee, but she doesn't want you to get along too well with him. Shyt...sounds like she doesn't even want you to speak to him unless it's brief and she's included in the conversation. Weird.

Stop going out of your way for unappreciative people. It's funny how they appreciate your thoughtfulness when you stop being thoughtful I bet she's going to call you.

How old is she by the way...telling you to shut up just seems so immature.

4GOTTEN1 said...

I understand this situation from your point of view as well as the fiancee's point of view.

From his point of view although everyone says it cool to do this or cool to do that you never just want to overstep your bounds. Even though the family has met him before he is still a bit cautious trust me man i've been there. Be nice to him even though your cousin is being a BRAT.
As for you I think you did the right thing. You addressed your cousin telling u to shut up. You also left the situation without blowing it up making it a big family fight or argument. I do think you should talk more to your cousin though and really explain to her how you feel. I went through something similar with my brother last year.

Great Post man you kept me hanging on every word. First time comming through and i'm already hooked.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Yea I don't do the "shut up" shit! You definitely must have a sit down with your cousin tho to see what she's going thru. If she had a problem with anything you had said or were saying to her fiancé, then she should have pulled you aside and said so, period. Take ya time, enhance your calm and have a lil talk.


Corey Keith said...

I guess everything I could say has been said by Darius... I do know how you feel... When my younger sister started bringing her boyfriend around I was awful to him and I realize it was out of love and a need to protect her. When she married him, I was still not won over, and now, two neices and a nephew later (and yes, at 26, those tubes are tied), I am still not a fan... Oh well... Stay up cutie...

Q said...

"Shut Up"? Oh Hell Naw... She must be going through something. Hope it all works out, and old Mary J always helps me through some hard shit too!

Opinionated Diva said...

Where are you?