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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A Failed Shot at Abstinence...

Okay, I need to catch you guys up on things..after my Separation of Hoeness that you know whats going on now. A lot has happen since then.

Well, after that night, I thought it was time for a change. I felt that was my rock bottom. That night was kinda low for me. I just thought that maybe I needed a change. I kept thinking about that passage I read once. About how someone compared themselves to a mirror, and every time they had meaningless partners and sex, that it was like another smudge on their mirror. I just felt like after that night, especially with Robbie, that I was losing myself, and couldn't see myself from all my smudges on my mirror. Then there I was standing with a few of my smudges looking at me and knew each other.

Well after that I decided that I need a change, so after much thinking and self debate, that night, I decided to become abstinent. I decided to become abstinent until...I guess I found or at least decided about what it is that I really want or expected from sex. I knew celibacy was a hopeless goal. I just knew that was something I was going to set myself up to fail, so I decided abstinence was better in some way. Now by definition, abstinence is, self denial and self restrain of personal indulgences, in order for a higher purpose. They also used conserving economic resources, in order to build up a higher capital goal. Well I guess my higher purpose or my ultimate capital goal, was to have a better connection and have some sort of feelings, when it comes to my future partners.

That's what I thought when I met 2 guys, two and a half weeks after my vow of abstinence. Now let me be the first to say, yes I know 2 and a half weeks isn't much. Especially after another fellow blogger, who shall remain nameless, CaseyKeys told me they were celibate and for a while. It actually made me a bit sad, that I only made it two and a half weeks. Now I'm not saying that's the longest I can go with out sex, I mean I have went a lot longer, but due to other reasons, like busy schedule...not being in the things in my life, that makes me even forget that I'm not getting any. However this is the first time I took a logical choice and decision, in not having sex. Which seems a lot harder, than being so busy, that you don't have time to even think about it. I thought about it even more.

Well the first taste of me leaving my abstinence behind, was this guy, Chris. Now I've told one blogger briefly about Chris, because of a series of post they did called "You have no chance with me" Commandments. Anyway I went out a couple weeks after my night with Robbie fiasco, it was another after hours restaurant college hangout place. I was hanging out by myself and so was this other guy. Well we made this eye connection thing. See the thing about DL guys, I don't know what it is, but from my personal experience it's all about the eyes. I don't want to exactly call it gaydar, but it's something in the eyes. I think it's that inappropriate length of eye contact. That stolen glances that last to long or happen to frequently to be a complete heterosexual look at another man. Well, it happen a few times, but the thing is, there is usually something slightly friendly in the eyes. That knowing look, but he was giving me nothing, so I thought maybe it was just a straight guy wondering why I was looking at him, but I was thinking why was he looking at me first. So after much thought about, why was I even there. I should be home thinking about something other than guys and sex, but you know how it is when you try hard not to think about something, and all it does is make you think about it more. However I left. I made a quick stop at 7-11, after leaving there at the stop light, in the car beside mine, was that guy I saw earlier, Chris. I gave him the guy what's up head nod, he gave me one back, but it was barely one and nothing really behind it, so I just let it go. Well when we got to the next stop light he was going the same direction as me. The same thing... I would look over, and he was already looking at me, but out the side of his eye.I knew something was up, it was just a gut feeling I had, and usually when I have them, I'm usually correct. I decided to see what was up with this guy. I look straight ahead as I roll down my if saying I'm not rolling down my window to talk but just because, then I look at them. If he rolled down his window, even just casually right after I do. Then make a move. I haven't talked about this before, but I have met guys at stoplights before, who are in other cars. I 'm going to have to make a point to remember to post about that one day. So I knew what I was doing this night. Anyway he already had his window cracked a bit, but just like I thought, he rolled it down even more. At the third stop light, when we glanced at each other I took the chance this time to say something. I threw him a "What's Good?" opening and his face just suddenly warmed up, and he was like, "Nothing much... what's going on with you?" The light changed green and since at that moment there was no car's behind us we kept on with the pleasantries, another good sign something maybe up. I replied to his question, with a nothing much just hangin' ad chillin', you? He gave me some answer similar to that, That's when other cars from the stop light behind us was coming, and I said to him follow me. He was slow with his answer, but he said "aiight."

So he followed me as I turned off that main busy street off to the side street. I pulled up into a empty business parking lot. The fact that he followed me, was a clear first sign that he wasn't a complete heterosexual. So I knew something was up with him, but I wasn't sure yet, but I was about to find out. So he pulls up right beside me. Now my thoughts were we were going to talk a little more though our car windows, but to my surprise he gets out, right after he pulls up beside me. This means either two different things. Either trouble, which I felt in my car door to see if I had my just in case something happens knife handy, or that most definitely he gets down, because why would a straight guy do that. He comes to my window, he said because he didn't want to talk through cars anymore... I'm guessing also to get a better look at me. We start on that what's up tip again. Let me mention that its around 1:30 in the morning, on a Saturday night, right now. He mentions how he was on his way to his boy's place to go swimming...and so on. After a while he mentions, if there is something wrong with my legs, why was I still sitting in my car, and he is standing outside my window. I ask him, if he wants to hop in, but he asks, can I get out...he wants to see the rest of me. I get out and we are both standing outside our cars now. We both know by now, that this is not a typical straight experience, but neither one says anything. Even though I know he is down by now, I keep fishing, as he keeps fishing to see if I get down too. I tell him that I was just on my way home, before I got myself into some trouble. I knew this statement would lead to follow up questions, as to what I was talking about. He asked what kind of trouble was I trying to avoid, because it looks like I'm already high. Now let me just explain, that I have eyes that make me look like I'm tired, even when I'm not, or simply high...I like to call them though bedroom eyes...I get them from my father. Here's the thing though, I don't get high, and I wasn't high that night, I tell him this.

After a while I get tire of this little cat and mouse game, we are playing, so I go ahead and just break the ice. I ask him does he have a girl. He replied, no. I then say casually, "So you just get with men, huh?" He looks a bit off guard, by my question, but quickly recovers, with a smirk, "What are you talking about?" I lay it all out then, and look I know you get down, you know I get down, lets cut that, we played that game, it was cute... now lets be real. We talked some more, and I really don't remember how we got on the subject, but this statement stands out to me, he mentions, how he doesn't get how some guys can just get with a guy, without, really knowing them and whatnot, but he couldn't do that. That threw a whole other curve ball for me. I t made me nervous. Like this is a different kind of guy, that this wasn't going to end, like most of my other experiences.

After talking for about the first hour, he asked me, for my number, and I gave it to him. As he was typing my information into his phone.We got to a portion, that you would have thought we would have gotten to upfront, but didn't. He asked me for my name. Now here's the thing I usually don't tell the guys I get with sexually or romantically, whatever you want to call it...I don't usually give them my real name. I have my reasons but I just don't do it. The most I give them is my first initial, and that's usually the more vip guys. I usually have a quick references of names that I give guys, like club names. I can give a "Darrell, but you can call me D" in a second, or a "Trevon, but you can call me Trey." However I paused this time. There was something about Chris that made me want to be honest, and that made me nervous. That quick pause must have registered with him, because without even looking up from his phone, he said, "...and please don't give me that fake name you are about to say" I try to play it off, and say, I'm not about to give you a fake name. He just replied with a uh huh. I go ahead and tell him my real name. Now I have only gave my real full name to one other guy, that I have messed with, and that was the pastor from out of town, that I mentioned earlier in my blog life. This was new territory for me. For some reason I confess that. He was one of two that I actually told my real name to. He still doesn't believe that I gave him my real name or number. He gets a little taken back, that when he gives me his number. I don't store it right away I just type the number in, and leave it at that. He thinks that means that I have no plans on calling him back. I reassure him that, that's not my plan.

I won't bore you guys anymore about what we talked about, but we talked for another hour or two, outside. Though a pee break he took, through the rain, because it started to drizzle hard, not rain, but heavy drizzle, we continued to stand outside and talk. He asked if I was good, I said yeah I was good, if he was. We talked about a little of everything. He noticed every move I made, which had me on edge. Like at one time he asked me what I was doing with my pants. Now subconsciously I was playing with the belt loops on the front of my jean shorts as we talked, and didn't even realize it. He thought I was...well I don't know what he thought, but he mentioned it. He then took this time to mention, when I looked down at my hands to see what he was talking about, that my jean shorts had a noticeable tent in them. I was kind of embarrassed that he noticed this. I jokingly told him, that "Oh that's just a roll of quarters, never know when someone is going to need a change for a dollar." He was asking most of the questions, he totally flipped the script on me, because that's usually me doing that.

At some point he mentions how he loves body hair on a guy.He points out all the hair on my arm. He then asks do I have any more.I was like yeah, its not like the hair just stops on my arms. That leads to me showing my chest and stomach. He then asks about tattoos I tell him, I don't have any, but he does, as he is showing me the one on his chest I notice his pants with the tent. I call him out on his erection, and that he was wearing like a few pair of shorts....his jeans, his boxers, and those swimming trunks from earlier.It was official we were both turned on by each other.

After a while the drizzle picks up, and we decide to continue this conversation even more. We get in my car. As we have the seats leaned back, we are looking out the sunroof at the rain coming down. We talk some more. Even during the quiet times, it never seems awkward. I confess to him, that they're things I want to do to him, but am nervous. He tells me, that if I'm that nervous, then to ask first. I tell him, that that's not romantic at all. He tells me to just do whatever. I mention to him his earlier comment about guys moving to fast. He tells me to just kiss him already. I lean over and we start to kiss. Now he was alright a little timid, for my taste, when it comes to that department, but he had great lips. Things get a bit heavier, then a bit heavier I start to fill him up..and fill him up some more. Then he starts to reciprocate.Long story short...I don't know exactly what the metaphor would be when it comes to a guy, but I think we both got to 3rd base. I think we have gotten to home, if I hadn't decide, that we better stop, because it was getting real late by now, actually real early.It was actually breaking sun, by now. We have talked most of the night to sunrise. I told him I better get home, and get a least an hour before church. He started on this whole good guy gone bad name calling thing.

Before he got out. He asked me, was I going to call him, since I gave him a fake number. I was a little shocked that he was still on that. I told him, since you still don't believe me, then dial the number, if you don't.Thinking that challenge, would satisfy him,I was surprised, when he took out his phone to dial my number.The car was instantly filled with the sounds of my phone ringing. I didn't even answer it. I just said,"Oops...I guess I really did give you the right number, I guess I will have to remember not to next time." He asked me again was I going to call him, and agitated by name I tell him the phone works both ways. We part and say our good byes

I drive off feeling rejuvenated, even though I have been up most of the night and early morning. However I got good feeling going on. That onto something new vibe, that new possibilities high.

That is until later that week....


Ladynay said...

Awwwwwwwwww making out until the wee hours of the morning :-)

You could have done without the last cliffhanging sentence tho' :-(

RealHustla said...

So, do you think you could have still made a sincere connection with this guy without the sexual contact?

Anonymous said...

LMAO @ your erection being a roll of quarters. I would have asked for change for a dollar.

Turn me up a lil said...

That story is doin somethin to me at

Chet said...

Man now you knew that you could not go without the goodies for long, hell abstinence is a task, need I say more? Okay then what made you even attempt to refrain from sex? Two and a half weeks, but it is possible to go longer it is the mindset.

I could have stood in traffic and not attracted such a hot number , but you are meeting men at the stop light and then following each other to parking lots for conversation and nook nook. I love it when the boyz play coy and then suck your dick before you can suck theirs or even hint around to giving them some head.

Take your time brotha and decide what it is you really want no taking chances with these folks, some brothas are cool at first get the sex of another man and loose their damn minds.

Love the bar names, there was a time I would do that, but I kept runing into the bitches and they would be calling me by my bar name(s) and hell I would have forgotten them and the name most times and they would be just talking and I would be just thinking "where in the hell did I met them?" Careful!

Pleased you had a good time, the weather was perfect for creeping.

Corey Keith said...

"Though a pee break he took, through the rain, because it started to drizzle hard, not rain, but heavy drizzle, we continued to stand outside and talk. He asked if I was good, I said yeah I was good, if he was."

Um, did you see him pee?

Hot post...

Young,Black and DL said...

Nay Nay- I had to my post be long as hell if I put the whole thing in, I would be writing forever, and you would be reading forever...besides I have watched eough T to the V to know it keeps yall wanting, just kidding I got tired of writing.

Realhustla- Yeah, I think that's a safe bet...;)

South Gal- uh hmm...if you asked for that, uh what would I have given you exactly? lol

Tunr me Up- Uh...what exactly is it doing to you?

Chet- No you don't need to say anymore...I know it's a task, but technically I didn't fall of it yet, well in this post, I just kissed and fondled and got fondled...yeah they always play coy, but I've kinda gotten tired of that game, I'm in that don't have time for that bull, that's get real kind of play now.

Chet- I would have know you would have taken to that and your fetish about fetishes...No I didn't see him pee!
He walked across the parking lot to behind some cars neer a privacy fence seperating the business parking from the living parking of some townhouse's parking spaces.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Okay, I must say it sounds like you might have made a real connection of sorts with the guy. I am concernedI just mention my concern, because as a cop, a lot of our car jackings and agg. robberies happen in instances like thise.

Once again, sounds like you made a real connection. I can't believe i read the whole thing. LOL

Opinionated Diva said...

Luv the mirror analogy. Lmao @ the just in case something happens knife!

I was starting to like the guy until he got all extra insecure.

Let me ask you this though...have you ever had a long term relationship with a man?

You have the most thought out posts/comments...I'm wondering why you rush into something sexual with these dudes.

You can tell me I'm being too nosy if you want...but I had to ask.

Oh and one more thing...yeah I'm being a real said two guys right? Yeah I just went back to read...what happened with the other guy?

K.C. said...

Hmm, that blogger sure did remain nameless! lmfao ... man, I guess I really did bug you out with my response!

On the real, I'm not that innocent :)

That story definitely got me reminiscing about my X-Men! Man, you tell a good story, I can't wait for part two ...

autonomous said...

Good Luck with this one man.
Staying up all hours of the night-Morning. Looking foward to see how everything turns out or unfolds

&&yeah, like the opiniated diva i had to, what ever happened to the other guy?

FlyyGurl said...

a cliffhanger though? You're hurting me here!!!! and gee, those commandments sound pretty interesting...and I've forgotten what third base is...and yeah, lol. Im back!
flyy kisses

yet another black guy said...

you got erect from talking?

Q said...

Sometimes a sexy conversation is all i need. Well, that and some deep hard long penetration followed by a vodka tonic and some gummy worms.

fuzzy said...

talking most of the night? Sounds there was an interesting connection!!!

Is there going to be a sequel to this post?

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Hmmmmmmm...yo kid where are you from? I guess I'm getting old because I'm not meeting peeps at stop lights and then pulling over to do things in the car. Iono.

Sounds like an interesting time but I agree with One mans Opinion, be careful ma dude. There are some crazy ass people out there! Otherwise, be safe ma dude!


Anonymous said...

I've been approached at stoplights before too. I just don't know how to handle the situation! It is usually always daylight and traffic is just bumper to bumper. So can't very well exchange pleasantries in that situation.

Anyway, the part about your erection being like a roll of quarters was priceless (no pun intended!). lol.

blkbutterfly said...

it seems like there's def. a connection, esp. if you're aroused from a simple conversation. what do u think attracts you to him?

Lola Gets said...

Yeah, this kind of thing only happens with young, gay men...not old ass women like me! Ahahahaha!