He Lust Me...He Lust Me Not...I Lust Them All Not

What is it about the rain, that I love. I mean it can be so many different characteristics and embodiments. When it's hot, it can be refreshing...when its cold, it can be dreary...It can be sad, it can make you happy, it can be soothing, it can be terrifying, it can make you sing, apparently based on some movie titles, and it can be very romantic. I feel like I have a raining day spirit. I don't know I like the rain. It fits me somehow.

Tonight, it's raining. A cold, damp rain. It's raining hard. It's that season, I suppose. Spring gets the stigma of being the raining season, with "April Showers brings May flowers" saying, but no the late Summer/Fall season is definitely the raining season, by it being hurricane season. Anyway for me the rain is very sexy. Something about it is very sensuous to me. It makes me want to...well, touch somebody...it makes me want to touch myself, as girlie as that might sound. Nothing obscene I'm touching, just over the sweater nipple rubbing. Okay maybe under the sweater nipple rubbing and perhaps a little pinching as well. Tonight makes me think of a night I had a little over a month ago, maybe slightly longer. Before I had given up on sucking...well before I declared a ban on oral sex. A night I met this guy. Ironically, I ran into him tonight, a night dark and rainy, like the night I met him. I ran into him as I was driving, like that night. Tonight, I think about that night we spent.

The night started off clean and crisp, but most importantly it started off dry. I never expected the night overall to end the way it ended. To be completely honest, I can't remember where I was going, or where I was coming from. I do remember it was a Sunday night. I notice him at the stop light. He is driving a white two door Honda, with a huge spoiler on the back. We make eye contact, then we return our faces back forward to the road ahead. We meet at the next stoplight a block ahead. I look over at him, he is still looking ahead. As if immediately sensing my glance he looks at me, we make eye contact again. However this time something is different, it last several seconds longer...too long. We take off, both get caught at yet another stoplight. Always at the same length of cars back in our lanes; whether it's both first or both third, always the same. This time I sense his glance first I then look over at him glancing my way. This time I give him the head nod up, the man's hello, well in certain circles. He returns it. It starts to drizzle. I'm a little surprised, hadn't heard the weather. Didn't know it was supposed to rain. The night just didn't feel as if rain was in store. We both look forward, but our glances at each other always returns. I've been here before many, many times. This interaction feels very familiar to me, almost like the feeling of home. We take off again, this time however I change it up. I test the feeling, see if it is what I know it to be. Before we happen to get caught at another stoplight I speed up and pull in front of him. After a minute or two I put on my single to turn at the next corner. He does the same. I drive some more, as he follows. Even though it's not where I was planning on going, I keep driving. The drizzle now suddenly turns into a fast rain fall, at this point. I make another turn, he makes the same one. I move into another lane, so that we are back to driving side by side. All though the now heavy rain is obstructing my view, on windows other than the front windshield, I can see his head facing me and glancing at me. I decide to take this to the next level. I get back in front of him, and pull off into an empty parking deck, out of the rain. Like he has been doing for the past several blocks, he follows suit. I pull into a space he pulls into a space on the opposite side right behind me. Let me just make this DISCLAIMER...THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, THIS IS NOT FOR AMATEURS. It takes time to get this 6th sense. I pause for a minute, wonder whether I should make the first move or him. Fortunately he makes the decision for me. He gets out of his car and makes his way over to me. I make a quick glance into my vanity mirror and check myself out, real quick. He approaches my driver window, as I'm rolling it down. I am greeted by...well not what I was expecting. I didn't know what he was. I mean I didn't know what race he was. I thought with all the glances he was black, but he wasn't black. However he didn't quite come off white either. Real quickly in my mind, I try to figure out what race he was, I was getting a blank. Not sure if it was the light in the parking deck or it being night time, or what exactly was the deal. I summed up his style instantly though...skater/alternative. He was wearing a black and white checkered hat turned backwards, with DC logo on it. I grew up with white boys like him, Skater brand, like Quiksilver. Which I believe was the logo on his shirt, but I could be wrong. Not sure what his shoes were but they looked like what Vans use to look like. He looked like someone who listens to Linkin Park, Creed, Evanescence, or maybe Nickleback perhaps. If he listens to rap, then it's that rap/rock combo type, like Gym Class Heroes or something like the Jay-Z and Linkin Park collaboration album. Then there was his size. He was kinda on the small side. I'm not talking about his height, which was 5'5/5'6 or so. That wasn't the problem, because big things can come in small packages. It was more so about his weight. I have no problem with slender or lean guys, just like I have no problem with medium, thick, or big guys, but he seemed a bit...hmm on the scraggly side. He just looked scrawny, maybe lean or maybe slim, but definitely a little on the scrawny side. He didn't exactly do it for me on the first attraction. He greets me, I'm polite and return the greeting. He gives ma a "What's up with you?" and "What's going on?" comments. I give him vague answers back..."Nothing Much" and "Just Chillin'." We finally get to the point where he tells me he was hanging out with his friends drinking, but he wasn't ready to go home yet blah blah blah. I instantly know this wasn't going anywhere, for me. Maybe sense I felt like that, I should have ended it right there. I wasn't really feeling him instantly, he wasn't my style. However I didn't end it. I decide not to be rude and say "Okay, I'm not really into you, from first impression...So bye, it's been real!" I amused the conversation for a minute, he asks to get in. I suggest we talk somewhere else, because the parking deck says, "Private, No Parking! Unauthorized vehicles will be towed." He thinks it's late and we will be fine, but is willing to follow me to where ever. I suggest we talk somewhere else. Just talk. He goes back to his car as, I drive back down the parking deck ramp. In my mind I'm thinking we will do a little talk, before I give him the ole shove off.

He follows back on to the street. We park on the side of the street. The rain is coming down now. In like 10 minutes the night has went from peaceful to as if someone opened up the sky and decided to pour buckets of water on us. The 8 second run from his car to mine, leaves him soaked to the core. He looks like he has jumped into a swimming pool. I turn the heat on a little and turn hit the heat button on the passenger seat, heated seat option, so he can dry off. In my mind I am thinking this definitely, probably won't go anywhere, now that he is wet. Since it is still up in the air about his race. On the off chance he is white, I know in a minute I'm not going to be feeling him. Since well, when white people get rained on they sorta, give off a...well...well they give off a wet potato chip...fragrance. I don't think that's racist to say that is it? I mean I know I have white readers, so I don't think that is offensive, just my opinion. I grew up in a majority white neighborhood, and whenever it rained, well the bus to school would, well...you know what nevermind. He takes off his hat, and swings his hair back. It's very dark, not black, but a deep dark brown on the edge of black. He looks different now, now sorta light Puerto Rican or maybe Dominican, however I don't get that Latin fire. He tells me his name is Dian. I throw him one of my DL alias. He tells me how he just finished dropping off one of his friends, who was to drunk to drive home. He had been celebrating Bestie or Best Friend holiday weekend. It's a holiday, where you spend all weekend with your best friends and drink. I never heard of this weekend or celebration. Sounds like something white frat boys would come up with. He tells me though after celebrating, he didn't want to go back home. He got into a horrible argument with his girlfriend earlier that afternoon, and he wasn't ready to go home to her. She apparently lives with him. She was angry, because he didn't spend the weekend with her and consider her one of his best friends. He says something that changes the vibe in the car. He tells me, that all he wants to do right now is forget about her and her drama. Dian asks me, "Can you make me forget about her?" I look at him for a second, I don't know it was the rain that was changing me or was it, what the rain did to him. I mean the rain sorta gave him a mini makeover; now with the hat gone, his hair was wet and slicked back, his shirt was clinging to his body, for everything it had. He just looked cuter suddenly. I tell him, "All I can do is try. Where do you want me to take you?" He lets me no anywhere I want to, he looks in the back-seat and he says right here if you want. He climbs over my seat, into the back. I drive off though. about a few minutes away to a parking lot. It's empty. Two apartment buildings and an office building surround it. I pull up into a dark corner underneath some trees. I sit there for a minute and look back at him. He is laying down now, looking at me. I put on a CD, The Dream's "Love vs. Money" album. I told you guys on my last Music of the Moment Post, that I got busy to that album. I jump out of my car and get into the back seat. I wasn't thrilled that he climbed over my seat, I wasn't going to do it as well. I'm wet now too, however not as wet as him. For a minute or two we just sit there, and say nothing. I try to ease the moment, by reclining the back seats. Like I've said before I have an SUV that the back-seats recline down. The third row just folds down, but the second row reclines back. I made us a bit more comfortable. He leans back sorta diagonally, against the window. Where his head is in between the window and the seat, and his body is stretched out. Well, the first thing I do is take off those wet shoes, of his. I get up and emulate his body except on top of him. As I hover over top of him, I think about how I am going to start this, but more importantly where this is going.

As I lean in to kiss his neck. The night sky lights up. Although I'm paying attention at what is before me, I can't help but wonder in the back of my mind, where this weather is coming from. It's lighting and thundering now. However I must say it really added to the moment. If anyone saw the Katherine Heigl movie, "27 Dresses," it was very much like that car scene, when their car got stuck in the mud. Heigl and her love interest, went at it in the back-seat of their car in the thundering rain. Sexy in movies, sexy in real life. You really must try it! Anyway, I'm starting off slow, I then peel off his wet shirt. I'm doing foreplay-esque like things. He then pulls my shirt off over my head. Peeling wet clothes another must do activity. After a while of...hmm 2nd base like activity, we kick it up a notch to 3rd and 4th base activity. It's hard to say when exactly but after a while, some odd behavior started to service. Not by him though, but by me. That's right I started to do some things uncharacteristic of myself. Now in my mind, I believe we had "The Talk." I mean I have "The Talk" most of the time now. Unless I am getting with someone who isn't new to me. However I'm not positive if I had "The Talk" with Dian. I try to remember if I did, but nothing is coming to memory. The reason why I question whether or not I did, is because...well, I kissed him. I don't usually kiss guys...I usually discuss that in "The Talk," but either I did and got caught up in the moment or I didn't and still got caught up in the moment. It's rare I meet someone, that I just get the urge to want to kiss them, and this was it. I'm also foggy about who o kissed who first. I think I leaned into his face, as I was kissing on his neck, and he followed through. Either way, we went to town on the kissing front. It was very...very passionate and hot. I quickly wanted his pants off, and more peeling. Let's cut to the chase, not much longer, we both were completely naked. Yes, int he back-seat of my SUV, in the parking lot of some buildings, late at night, in the thundering and lightning rain, we were completely naked. Correction I had my socks on, and he had his tongue ring. Yep, he had a tongue ring. No other piercings and tattoos, just a tongue ring. Why is it, any other race of men other than black men, can have a tongue ring, and not instantly be summed up as gay. I didn't even realize he had a tongue ring to much later in the evening. I discovered it, with all the kissing. I really didn't get much from it, when he was going down on me. I didn't get much...as Quincy would say, life from his ring, until the kising. I must say it must do more for females, than it does for guys orally. Either that or he didn't know how to use it right on a guy. I've had other people use their tongue rings on me before, and not much extra from it. I didn't have a ring and I made him quiver, when I was down south. He was pretty good though. In fact everything was pretty good. Sensuous yet animalistic. My first impression of him being scrawny wasn't exactly the most on point observation. He wasn't scrawny, just lean and thin. He was easy to flip around, and switch things up, when needed.

There was nothing heard or said, by either of us. The only sounds was from the sound of the rain falling hard on the roof of my car, and The Dream singing about sweating out his girls hair. Speaking of hair, their was a lot of hair pulling, by me. I mean I really discovered that night I am really into hair pulling. I'm sure I have done it before, maybe even several times perhaps, but I didn't notice until that night, it was my thing. His hair wasn't super long or anything, just perhaps an inch and half or two; but I loved running my hands through his hair and pulling his head back. Things went like that, from both of us. When there was a time when he had me by my wrists tightly and stretched and pulled to the side, he locked them tight as he kissed and did things. I would counter this with doing the same, except I would pull his arms behind his back. When he did it I didn't fight too hard, when I did it he couldn't do much, but submit. Hmm...good times. When we ended up in the position, where he was straddling me, as I was sitting, back to the seat and legs open; there was nothing more I wanted to do, but be inside him. However here's the thing. I was not planning on this night turning out, like it did. I didn't bring enough protection. He didn't bring it, because he leaves it at home, for him and his girlfriend. You don't know how much I wanted to put clothes on, and head to the nearest drug store or 7-eleven. He didn't want the moment to stop. I improvised on giving him the same feeling, but it wasn't the same. He felt so good in so many other ways.

As the lightning lid up the night and flash on us every so often. We would get a sexy view of what we were doing to each other. I found his spot. It wasn't hard, because it is located behind his left ear, but I found it. Unfortunately he didn't find mine, because it is hard to locate, but I utilized his. Some may wonder how did I realize I found his spot. Well, the way his body would react, whenever I would stay on it, and not relieve up. His body would shack and twitch in my arms. Now that I think about it, he may have had one ear piercing, not sure, but I think I remember playing with it in my mouth. I didn't want to use up this new power, I had over him, but it was fun to see him react, whenever I went to the ecstasy spot. Anyway like all good things, they must come to an end. And after about over half way through our second go round of The Dream CD, I started to wind down our experience. Just him straddling me and him in my arms, with our now sticky bodies embracing. He didn't seem to want to end the night. He kept saying, "I never want to stop kissing you" I would reply, "I'm sure you will reach a point, where enough is enough." However he was definitely testing what I said, because he didn't want to give it up. "He then said something that shocked me, but in my mind those things you say, when you are in the moment. He said, "It is official, you are the best kisser I have ever had." I shrugged this comment off though, replying, "I'm sure you say that to your girlfriend too." He looked me in my eyes and said "No, I don't, I can't get enough of your lips." This was making me uncomfortable, for some reason. I changed the subject, to ask him the question that had been on my mind, all night. I asked him, "What are you?...What nationality are you?" He beginned to laugh. He revealed that he gets that all the time. He tells me, "I'm Native American...I'm an Indian." I was shocked, didn't expect that answer, but the suddenly it did make sense.I tell him, that congratulations, he was my first Indian.

This lead us into a discussion about his relationship. For over an hour and a half I was his lover, for the next 45 minutes I was Dian's therapist. He started talking about what lead him to the place that night. He told me, he had, had enough of his girlfriend, and was ready to end things. He loved her, but he was starting to very much not like her. They had been together for two years. For the past year however, she was living with him. She had an argument with her parents, and moved out, and in with him. The problem now was, that she was there all the time. He felt like he was being suffocated. At 20 years old, he felt trapped. He went to school, had two jobs, a girlfriend who was in his face from the moment he got home, because he was never at home, do to the school and two jobs. Then when he got home he had no place that was his, because of her and his roommates. He had two roommates in his three bedroom apartments, but now that she was living with them now, he had no room to call his own. He basically confided, that he was coming apart, and she wasn't helping the situation. I asked him, is that was why he got with someone else. He confirmed it. He said tonight was the straw. All he wanted was to have some fun without her, and she brought more drama into his stressful life. The one question, that was on my mind, was...Why a man though, why not another girl? He told me, that he guess old feelings never die. He hadn't been with a guy since high school. That he had been faithful to his girlfriend the whole relationship. As he was telling me this, I could see a change in him. I have seen this before. The what have I just done face, was starting to reveal ugly head. That look of finally realizing what they have just done, and guilt moving in. I try to ease his mind, and tell him, that we all need our space sometimes, a place or a time, we call our own. The counselor in me comes out. I tell him he needs to talk to her about his feelings and what he needs. If she doesn't listen or things doesn't change he needs to set out time for himself, even if she doesn't know about it. I tell him though to explain to her that you having some me time will ultimately be great for their relationship. Him having me time, would allow him to be happier, and ultimately him being a happier less stressed person, will be good for their relationship. If things continue, then they will ultimately not have a relationship, especially if he find comfort in men arms. I then basically begin to teach him how to lie to her and find me time. I told Dian to tell her that he is at work or at school, on a time, when he isn't. It won't be hard for her to believe because he is supposedly always at work or school. Then he needs to take that time to either, go to the movies by himself, goto the gym, library, Miniature golfing, anything that makes him happy, but alone. He then reveals, that in his two year relationship, he isn't sure if he could lie successfully, because he has never lied. He told me not, once has he ever lied to her, maybe not told her things, but never lied. I asked what was he planning on telling her that night, because at this point it is around 3 or 4 in the morning, the rain is still coming down. He hadn't been home or called her since their fight at like 1 that afternoon. So for over 12 hours, he hadn't checked in. I knew the truth wasn't going to cut it, especially hooking up with me. He begins to kiss me again. I pull away and tell him, he needs to get home and face the music.

We get dressed. His clothes now dry. I drive him back to his car. We say our good-byes. I don't push the subject, but I offer him my number, that if he ever wants to talk, hit me up. I then do, something I rarely ever do, but it was a strange night all around. I give him my real name. I told him sorry about the other name, but that's just how I do. He questions whether lying is my thing. I don't know how to answer that. I just shrug. He runs to his car. We both pull off. I think about it for a moment, and I get him to roll down, his window. As crazy as it may seem, I tell him to double check the number I gave him. Sometimes I'm use to giving out the wrong number. He laughs, and checks it, and we go our separate ways. It doesn't bother me, it is what it is. He had a girlfriend and I knew it, and was cool with it. On the ride home I realise how crazy the night was. I'm out in the middle of the night getting my groove on buck naked, in my car, in basically a flash flood. On my way home, on the major street going the opposite of where I was coming from, the street was washed away. About 10 cars were stuck in the water, with the water around the height of their windows. Police and firetrucks trying to rescue the cars out. My side of the street was fine. I was just thinking to myself how crazy it was and the night I had, when I should have been home in the safety of my home. However I did have fun, even if I didn't expect to hear from him. I never him from him after that night, in fact.

That is until tonight. It's raining tonight, just like that night, however it's been raining for a couple days now. I'm out on a whole other side of the city, than when I met Dian. However I'm on a one way street, and I see this white two door Honda, with the big spoiler, and I think of Dian. I look at the driver and to my surprise it's him. I drive side by side him, thinking he will glance my way. He doesn't His face never strays from looking forward. When we get to the stoplight I think it's my chance to say hay to him. He quickly looks to the side, but back forward he goes. I think to myself, he must not realize it's me. I roll down my window, and give a slight honk. He then does something that surprises me. I can see his face, even through his wet window. He rolls his eyes, and looks to me. Despite that I give him a smile, and motion for him to roll down his window. He rolls the eyes for the second time, but he begrudgingly begins to roll down the window, then he stops. He looks as if he is thinking about something, then he takes his hands and waves me off harshly and rolls what little window he had down, back up. I just look at him for a minute. I'm kind put off by this. I have never got that reaction before. I just without thinking about it, just begin to nod my head, slowly. I don't break my glare, I just roll up my window. You know what I didn't want to get back with him. I just honestly wanted to say hi and see how things were working out, in his situation. If things had gotten better with the girlfriend. To me it's common courtesy to just give a hello, to a past sexual experience. It wasn't as if he was with someone, and I wanted to blow his spot up. It's like the unwritten rule, you give acknowledgment. If it ended not so well, then when you run into that experience, you just give them eye, and nothing else. I have done that. Ran into a bad ending experience at Walmart. I just gave them the eye, and likewise, nothing more nothing less. Sometimes you give a slight nod. However when you run into a good one, then you greet them; or give them the black man chin raise, when your head nods up. He dismissed me. As I looked at him, he looked at me out the side of his eyes. I looked forward and waited for my light to turn green. It was the end of our one way street, and he was turning right and I was turning right. He took off, when the light turn green. However here is the catcher, the car behind him, slowed down. I hadn't noticed the gray Avalon, but it was another past sexual conquest. I couldn't believe it, you would think I lived in a small town or something. He then gives me the head nod and follows Dian to the next stoplight. As I turned left, I looked at the two cars in my rearview mirror. Now it could be my imagination, but as I looked at the gray Avalon follow Dian from lane to lane, and finally ending up in the same left turning lane, blocks away, it hit me. I think Gray Avalon and Dian, where heading to the same place. One past sexual conquest hooking up with another. In my mind I was glad. After Dian dissed me, he deserved gray Avalon. With his lousy in bed self. As petty as it sounds, I kept thinking about how I am so much cuter than gray Avalon, with such a better personality. It wasn't the lazy, trifling sex that turned me off from him, is was his smug attitude that did it. We hooked up twice. On the second time, he had a new car. I asked him about it, and he gave me this bs, about how he was balling, with multiple cars, and how he needed to get rid of a couple of them, for tax purposes. It was comments like that, which really turned me off. That and the fact he was really extremely lazy in the sack. He blamed it all the time on the alcohol. I sorta blame it on his size, because he was a really big guy. How hope he crushes Dian.
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All the way home, I couldn't help but feel hurt. I can't explain it. I was fine with it just being an extremely hot one night sexual experience, but his attitude to night, hurt me. However that was the bad part, it was my anger. Not at Dian, but at my self. I was so angry, that I was getting upset at someone I barely knew or gave a flying flip about. No matter how much I talked to myself I couldn't let my feelings go. It felt as if, someone kicked me in the stomach. The more I tried not to be upset by this, the more I got angry, that I couldn't let it go.

Then it hit me. I started to think about it all. Tonight, the night I gave up sucking dick, that crazy ex Con, who kept calling me his girl, the married guy, who I haven't really talked about, Von and his recent bull shit, and it all from this year, and last year, so on. I realize I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. I really am. I'm all bull shit out. I mean I use to be able to take it as much as I dished it, but now I'm not dishing it out, and now I can't take it anymore. I just need a break from it all. I need space from this world. I need a break from these men. Now I'm not saying I'm going to be celibate or give up sex all together. No need to back myself into goals, I can't accomplish. All I'm saying is I need a rest from it all. I need a break. Maybe it was meant to be to hear about everyone else's long sex breaks. Maybe it's time I devoted that energy somewhere as. Time to but this area in a box for now.

I'm not your Girl...I'm not the Woman...I'm not the Bitch

It's weird how a subject seems to pop up and show it's face, multiple times in your life, around the same time. Well, this is how this post was developed. All these things seemed to happen in the same week or so.

So it all started when I'm watching "Brothers and Sisters" with, Momma Dearest, my mother. Well, we are watching the show and the two men, who are the gay couple have a scene and they are arguing about something. Out of no where Momma Dearest asks, "So which one is the Man and which one is the Woman?" I know what she is talking about, but set on trying to ignore it, I answer it honestly as I can, trying to shut it down where this is heading. I reply "I don't know what you are talking about, they both are men." Well, maybe not as honestly as I could, but enough where maybe she gets my point. However she doesn't. She then replies, "You know what I mean. Which one is playing the woman and which one is playing the man?" I still don't pull myself into the conversation, so I reply again, "No I don't know what you are talking about. I see two men there, Mom." She rolls her eyes and gives me a sigh, like she is an expert on these things. She then goes into explaining these "types" of situations. So she says, "In these types of situations, there is always one person playing the woman and one playing the man. You know what I'm talking about, like with lesbians, one is the man and one is the woman." I say something, hopefully that will shut down this stupid conversation, kinda of an awkward one for me at that. I reply, "Mom, if You can't figure out which one is the man and which one is the woman, then guess what?...they both are men." She just gives me a look, like why does my son have to be so difficult.

Here's the thing...why can't two men, just be two men who are romantic or having sex? Why does one or the other have to be considered "The Man" in the relationship and the other man considered, "The Woman"?

Here's the thing as frustrating as it is. I really can't be angry at her ignorance. That's what it is, just plain ole fashion ignorance. I mean when I think about it. She is only basing her knowledge on the only two OPENLY gay men she knows. She may know many, but she don't know she knows they are gay. Moving on... She is only basing her knowledge on the two actually open gay men, she has had a frequent acquaintance with. Coincidentally, both from her hair salon experience. The first guy, I believe his name was Arthur. Well, Momma Dearest used to go to this salon that Arthur used to do hair at. Not sure if he owned it or not, but he did hair there. He wasn't Momma Dearest hairdresser, I think he had the chair next to her normal hairdresser at the time. Anyway Arthur was a bit on the feminine side. He used to where some woman's appeal occasionally. If he wore men's clothing...well it just seemed to wear differently on him, than your average guy. He used to wear his hair in finger waves and wet n' wavy. You get the time period I am giving you, like mid 90s. Anyway Arthur and his boyfriend got married, or well had a civil ceremony, during the time my Mom used to go to his salon. Although my Mom didn't go to the wedding, she did see the pictures that was taken. Arthur had his full wedding party picture framed and on the wall near his chair. Now as I stated Arthur was a bit feminine, and in his relationship, his boyfriend was more masculine than Arthur. In the wedding, Arthur's future husband wore a black tuxedo, and Arthur being the feminine one out of the two, opted for something more traditional than a white tuxedo. Something on the lines of a big white wedding dress with a huge train and a head piece. It didn't quite end there either. The groomsmen wore traditional black tuxedos, and well Arthur's bridesmaids, wore traditional pink gowns. The only non traditional element was that not all of Arthur's bridesmaids were women. Half were men as well. So you have the "bride" in her virginal white gown along side his groom, and his bridesmaids and "bridesmen". Unfortunately Arthur died a couple years later. Either form Aids related complications or from domestic abuse. I can't remember exactly which one it was. I know his husband gave him Aids, because he was unsafely and unprotected cheating on him, and his husband was physically abusing him badly as well. Either way he died from the relationship. The other gay man, my Mom knows is, from the hair salon she attends now. I will say this he does dress like a man, however it's only 25 to 30 percent of the time though. That's right the other 70 to 75 percent of the time it's as a woman with a different name I believe. I could be wrong though could be the same name for both persona's. He is a professional musician. When he is working and playing music he is a man, strictly for the job. when he comes to the shop dressed as a man, then you know he must be off to a gig or to do something music related, at the church. He also is a lead musician at a big church. The church found out about his other life, and had an instant intervention at his house, and prayed and "delivered him from his wicked and sinful ways." He then gave them all of his sinful female clothes and wigs. However all he really gave them was his old hair and clothes that he wouldn't dare be caught in the street in. He only rocks the "new new." Anyway, any other time...which is whenever he leaves the house, he is in full drag...wig, makeup, stiletto heels...the whole nine! I mean the one time I saw him. He had this long brown hair in a bun, with a pink fur head wrap, Baby Phat jeans, pink timberland stiletto boots, with pink fur at the top of the boots, and some pink top with pink fur as well. She was ghetto chic, all pinked out like she had been to a Cam'ron garage sale. He had some thug boyfriend too, because as you can guess she was the feminine one.

I mean these are my mom's reference to what gay life is like. So it's no wonder she thinks that in all gay situations there must be a woman and a man. Here's the thing. She's not alone. It seems to be everywhere. This referring, calling or saying that one of the men in a homosexual situation is the woman, in the relationship. However I can't deny I have been there too. I have had the same thoughts running through my mind in certain situations. However now, it's beginning to be so frustrating, to hear.

Here's the deal. It all comes down to us putting traditional heterosexual roles and ideals, onto homosexual...I don't know...way of life? In complete heterosexual roles, we have a tendency of defining what is the female role and the male role. The sort of "You hunt it and I cook it" mentality. The belief that the man goes out and makes the money and the woman tends to the home. Now granted this is not the way of life for many now. Situations vary and are different all over the board now. However we still have this attachment to the traditions. If one person in a homosexual situation happens to be softer or more gentle, maybe likes to cook, cleans well, more concerned about the way they look, sensitive, then most are quick to think well theses are more characteristics associated with a female; then they must be the woman, in their homosexual involvement. If a person seems to be harder, tougher, rugged, more of the provider, likes sports, more of the leader in the situation, more thuggish or manly in some fashion, then people tend to associate that with characteristics of men, therefor they must be the Man. I've thought this myself. When I had my first date with a man...which by the way I think I will be telling in the near future, because it regards someone I want to really talk about on my blog, so look out for that. Anyway when I went on my first date with a man, I kept trying to remind myself, that I am not the woman. I never wanted to come off as the woman in the date. Whether it came to opening doors for me, paying, anything...I never wanted to be considered the woman.

There is this new show on HBO, called "Bored to Death" Its about a writer, Jonathan, who is blocked, so he decides to become an unlicensed detective on Craigslist; to unblock his writers' block. Anyway the show is cute for what it is, but the real funny element to the show is Ted Danson's character, George. Each week Ted Danson character is getting himself in some situation to get a girl, or to maintain a young girl. One week he was on hiatus from women, because one gave him herpes on his lips. Anyway George is a neurotic late 50s something, functioning alcoholic pot head, who is the Editor and Chief, for a major magazine. Well do to the recession, magazine sales and subscriptions has gone down; however the biggest hit is coming from the women. His female subscriptions are down 30 percent. So what does he opt to do, instead of getting more female writers and articles like suggested to him?...he decides to become gay. His therapist advises him to become gay, in order to get in touch with his feminine side. The theory is that women like gay men, they feel comfortable and can relate to them, so in order to increase his female subscriptions, he needs to become gay. He doesn't decide to take slow steps in the baby pool. He decides to jump head first into the deep in of the pool, i.e. have sex with a man. As George is discussing his decision to become gay, he makes it seem okay to be gay, by referring that the great British and American actor he admires, Lawrence Olivier was in a gay relationship with another great American actor, Danny Kaye. As they are talking the subject comes up by Jonathan, in regard to the two actors preference. He asks George, "As old fashion as this may sound, which actor do you think was the 'woman' in the relationship?" Without missing a beat Ted Danson's character says Danny Kaye. His reasoning being because Danny Kaye could do so many accents. He could be a different woman for Lawrence Olivier every night of the week. However before this comment I think they were also referring to the fact that Danny Kaye was the Singer, Dancer Comedian, and Lawrence Olivier was the serious dramatic actor. Later on, in the show when George decides to hookup with a black gay escort he found online. He chickens out in having sex, but he does decides to spoon with the black guy, after the escort compliments his looks. Later on we see, the black escort being the one on the outside spooning George from behind, as George gets a phone call from Jonathan. When asked about how it all was going, he tells John, "That I'm no Danny Kaye, if you know what I mean?" Basically saying I'm no woman. Here is the ironic part, is sorta was the woman in the situation, by his earlier definition. He was the one with his butt in the crotch of the escort as he was spooning him.

This brings me to my next point. Most have a tendency to associate the physical sex as regards to being the "Man" and being the "Woman". Once again there is this placement of putting traditional heterosexual sex on to the homosexual sex. I'm only going to talk about two men in the particular regards, because...well, I'm not a lesbian, and don't know to much about what they do. I mean I can only imagine eat each other out. I don't know what could be considered a "man" role and a "woman" role. I can only guess that maybe the "man" is the only who is fingering or using the strap on, to do the other woman, but you know not sure about all of the intricacies of lesbian sex, so use your imagination on that one. I do know a thing or two about two men getting down, and I think we all can understand how labels of the man and the woman can improperly be placed. It all comes down to...how can I put this delicately...it comes down to, whose pitching and whose the catcher. I don't know how else to put it. Here's my thing, just because a man prefers to...uh catch, whatever is pitched to him, doesn't make him "the Woman." Same goes for the pitcher; just because he likes or prefers to pitching...things, doesn't make him "the man." However people think because a man penetrates a woman's coochie, and one man may penetrate another guy, then he is "the woman," being penetrated by "the man." Now I will say this, that very well may be the situation for some. I mean there maybe be a tad bit smoke to where that fire is. However that is not always the situation. For example online I met this person on one of the sex sites who was a transsexual. They lived their life as a woman, however they hadn't had the final operation to get...Mister Johnson cut off, because well they only liked to pitch things...and let me say from the picture I saw they had a huge...pitching arm. They were not into catching things. However we are not going to go into all of that...I just feel that is another topic for another day.

I'm not sure where this characterization comes from, but I personally feel it stems from men in prison. Now let me go into my next example from this week. It comes from the new show on Fox, called "The Cleveland Show." I know y'all are thinking dang Young, how many shows are you watching. Look it's the Fall going into Winter. It's time to put the late nights to rest, and watch some good television, don't hate. It's a spin-off of "Family Guy." It has the voices of both Sanaa Latham's voice as the Mom, and Nia Long as the voice of the bratty 16 year old daughter, however only for the first 14 episodes, then they replaced her voice with the another actress, they say Nia Long voice was too mature. Anyway, on this week's episode, Cleveland for some reason gets arrested. He is only in jail for a couple hours, before his wife, Sanaa Lathams character picks him up from jail. She is so turned on, by him being an ex con and locked up, even for a couple hours, she has to have him immediately. So she pulls over on the side on the road, and Cleveland makes the comment he wants to do it prison style. He then tells his wife he wants to be on the bottom, he wants to be the "girl" first. The funny part being he is with his wife, how can he be the girl first. Sounds familiar from what I was saying above.


Okay now this where the post is going to officially get long, if not already. However this is where those you are reading stamina is low, This is where you can move on. I think you get sorta where I am going with this post. I'm now going to go into one last example of why...If I had not made it clear, I'm not the girl or the woman. I'm about to go into a real life situation from this week, as some may already know. Those stories can get pretty long, not sure how long this one will be, so you are more than free to end your reading pleasure here, for those of you who want me to go on here it is.

Okay I'm really going to make this short and sweet...or to the best in my abilities. This past week, before watching, "The Cleveland Show" episode. I met this guy near Von's house. I was visiting or meeting him, I just happened to be in Von's area. Anyway I met this guy at a chicken joint. We made eye contact and what not. Nothing serious, we talked for a bit, while we waited...blah blah blah. He left first then I. He was on a bicycle....yes not a bike, but a bicycle. He kept falling over. The way he was falling, you would think he was drunk riding, but I talked to him earlier, he wasn't drunk. The last fall, had me cracking up, because he was riding and fell over side ways into a brick wall. I pulled up beside him, still right near the chicken joint, and asked him, was he okay. He smiled and told me yeah, but then said, "If you want you can give me a ride home. To be honest I wasn't really in any kind of mood to give someone a ride. I just wanted to go home at this point. However I looked at him for a minute, and really judged the situation, and agreed. He puts his bicycle in the cargo area, of my SUV. He gave me the directions to his apartment. When we got there, it was less than a block or so away from the chicken spot. I told him, he could have walked his bike there, from where we was at. I mean it took more time to put the bike in my trunk, than it took for us to get to his place. I asked him, why did he even ask me to give him a lift. He told me it was an excuse to see where my head was at. When I questioned what he was talking about, he then asks me inside. I tell him, I told know him, and not going inside his place, and I just met him. So he does the name thing, where he is from blah blah this, blah blah that, he asks me questions...really concerned about where I was from and who I knew int hat area. He of course got the fake name, and don't know a soul in the area, was just in the hood for chicken. He then informs me know I know him, I can come in. I decide what the hell and go inside with him to see where this is going. When we get inside his small apartment. He offers me a seat and something to drink. I decline the drink and take a seat. Right off back ole boy waste no time, in telling me the rest of his life history. The first of many crazy things he tells me, is how long it has been since he has made love to a girl. A year or so. I'm like what does this have to do with me. He tells me how he was once married, now divorce. She divorced him, because of some trouble he got into. He then informs me, how he was arrested for armed robbery. I asked him, what did he rob, he then informs me he robbed a bank. He then tells me that was the past, and he doesn't want to talk about that. He wants to talk about how he senses something different about me, how he wants to make love to me. This freaks the hell out of me. I mean I kinda got that he got down with men, when he asked me in, but this asking me to make love, freaked the hell out of me. I tell first of all it wouldn't be making love, because there is no love, it would be sex. Then I tell him things are moving to fast for me. I mean I know my history of how fast I move, but he doesn't, and I'm not sure I am feeling him. There is something sexy about him, but still I'm not really feeling him. I ask him how long he was in jail. He then tells me 18 years. This shocked me. He told me around year 8 is when his wife divorced him. I mean can you blame her. Apparently because he never turned in the money or told the police where it was at, they gave him the max time. He then says something that stops me in my tracks. He compliments me on something, but addresses me as "babygirl." At first I though I heard him wrong, then he calls me it again. I tell him, I'm a man, don't call me "babygirl." He tells me that's what he calls the girls he gets with. I'm a little in shocked, because I can't figure out what about me he would think would justify him calling me a girl. We move on. I have a theory about mean who serve time so I ask him about how long it took him, before he had sex in jail. He tells me 9 years. This sorta blows my theory, until he tells me the reason why, because he was in solitaire confinement for most of the first 9 years he was in jail. I asked him why was he in solitaire, so much. He tells me, because of the guys he murdered in jail. Okay this is when I wanted to get up running out. He goes into telling things was different in prison during the late 80s early 90s time, and he did what he had to do...and blah blah blah. He said the beast in him, didn't end until the white man, decided to distract him, with sex. The decided to put a young tender thing as his cell mate, and the rest was history. He became a lover not a fighter. I ask him how old he was, he had a problem with telling me this. Thought I would up and leave if I found out he was 45. This he was worried about all the men he killed he thought was nothing. I really wanted to leave at this point. However I;m not going to lie, I was a bit scared. I felt like I started to see something crazy in his eye. Maybe I was just seeing things after he disclosed all the men he killed, or maybe it was some really craziness. I mean lets be real no matter if a person turned over a new leaf, once they have killed, aren't you always on that edge, like if they killed once, they could do it again. We had "The Talk," and I basically summed up, we were not into the same things. I mean he was strictly in wanting me to get screwed by him, and suck his dick. None of that was happening. I explained to him, that we are not compatible for anything, and I should go. He then tells me that it has been over a year or two since he has held something and cuddle with someone like me, and he needed something soon to settle the beast inside.

You know what this story is getting to long, and I'm tired of writing so...I might come back and finish the story later on this post, maybe not... You tell me if I should....

Long story short crazy prison in his twisted mine. Thought I was the "girl" to his man. I wasn't Kept telling him....he kept not getting it. His thinking continued to the end that there has to be a woman and a man in any situation, and I was the "girl" he wanted. His bitch... I wouldn't and wasn't...the end.

My point is maybe it's human nature to associate, traditional hetero roles onto homo roles...some maybe cool with that, I'm not the end, have a nice day.

I will say this one last thing. While trying to find pics for this post on google...I think I need a new place to find cool pics...any advice?...
Anyway I stumbled on this one pic of a person that looked familiar. Then it hit me, it was a picture of fellow blogger ShawnQT of a Dreams In a Fitted, What was odd was the pictures was of a post from early 2007 of him and his friends and boyfriend at the time Fuzzy. In one picture, how can I say this, without putting myself in a corner. Okay in one picture....uh that one was the..uh ruh pitcher and one was the uh catcher, but if you have read Fuzzy's blog you would think otherwise....nevermind...hmmm, Sorry Fuzzy and ShawnQT. Like I say I think we all go to that place where our minds take us there on this particular subject, of well labeling people.

By the way I also find it interesting I stumbled on this post, about ShawnQT and his friends who are like a family, in this post....and here we are a few years later and Fuzzy is talking about how the friendships are not the same anymore. It's weird how life brigns up these sunjects and coincedences all at the same time.

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea...

Okay I wanted to address a few things, that was on my mind. I was actually inspired by Mariah Carey's song "Obsessed." I actually stated a post, about this song, when it first came out. The whole Eminem and Mariah battle of the words, kinda inspired some thoughts and feelings, but I didn't finish it, and it got to the point everyone had moved on from the whole situation. Well I might revisited aspects on that original post later on, but there is some things I want to say first.

Now I was going to leave this a lone, but I really want to talk about the blog life. I'm not really sure, where I'm going to go with this, so this is going to sorta be just free writing. Since I don't exactly know how to go into this discussion, I will just start with myself. I went into blogging as a sorta release for myself. I keep a lot of feelings and personal experiences to myself. Some of us have that go to person, that you tell everything too, that knows all that goes on with you and your life. They give you advice, they chastise you, they lift you up when you are down, they are your best friends who you share your life with. Some don't tell anything to anyone. They keep things locked, like a safe. Some just keep it to themselves and some may only write it down for themselves in a personal journal. Well I would say, I'm a combination of these two. There is an aspect of my life I talk to people about, and then I have one aspect of my life, where I don't talk about it at all, and quite frankly I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it. So I talk those feelings and experiences, and that is what makes up this blog. It is my sorta release. It is my outlet....anyway I have discussed that before, so moving on. Anyway over time, it sorta developed into, me sharing my story. My experience and what I go through, with others...however...

I want to say this, and I really don't know how to say this in any other diplomatic way, that this. Believe it or not, I try very much to be diplomatic in the way I say things and express myself...well maybe some in blog world, would disagree, but offline, I'm very diplomatic, let me tell you. Well any here goes...JUST BECAUSE YOU READ MY BLOG, DOESN'T MEAN YOU KNOW ME. There you have it, plan and simple. I think that goes for any blogger on any blog. At this moment I feel very Maury Povich guest right now...saying "You don't know me...You don't know me!!"

Let me explain. If anyone remembers MTV, use to have this show called "Diary". The show was about showing the everyday life of some celebrity for a short period of time, as they narrated their experiences and their life. They always started the show with the phrase..."You think you know, but you have no idea." In that you think you know them, but you have no idea who they really are. I think we read some one's blog everyday...of course I'm not talking about me, y'all lucky if you get a couple post a month, but there are bloggers who do post faithfully everyday, sometimes multiple times a day...anyway we read some one's post everyday, we look forward to it, can't wait to see what next they have to say or write. We read some of their life experiences, and we read some of their opinions on pop culture or political news. We read about something funny their kids say, or something crazy that happen in their life at work, and we start to develop feelings. Feelings, that we know this person. Feelings that because we are reading thoughts and feelings, that we know the blogger, because they have let us into, a piece of their life. However reality is unless we personally know them face to face,like some do have those types of relationships, withother bloggers, we don't REALLY know them.

I understand how, we may feel that way, but that's not realistic. I read all the post about O that Southern Gal has to write about her son. And all his funny antics and things he has to say... and I read about Buttahfly's children and her knitting, that she loves, I read about all of Pimpusique's sexual adventures...and Q and his crazy weekends in DC and Corey and his relationship with Parker in ATL...and so on and so. But does that mean we know them?

I don't think so, personally. A couple weeks ago Southern Gal, revealed that she hadn't had sex in a year in a half. This opened the door for several women to reveal they hadn't had sen in this and that length of time. You couldn't have told me, that Southern Gal wasn't having sex. I would have told you..."You are lying!" Another poster, that I think I have been reading their blog for over a year, real quickly mentioned their son, in a post. I was a little amazed how everyone seemed to ignore that little bit of info. Now I have read some of the most intimate, and sexual details of their life, in their blog, and I don't think...I could be wrong...but I don't think they ever mentioned having children. I actually meant to email them, what was up with that and since when did they have a son, but I forgot...well procrastinated to long, to where I forgot. Next there was this other blogger, who mentioned a little detail about their health, that shocked me. I also had been reading their blog for a very long time. Through a few relationship breakups and financial issues, and so on, but never had they every talked about this health issue. As soon as I read the post, I emailed them, to find out if I was reading the post correctly. They didn't come out and say it directly in the post, but it was sorta snicked into the post. They told me the story behind it, and how the health issue developed, and quite frankly it was a very tragic story, to me. It is a very personal situation, and it's their peragative if they tell the whole situation. I personally don't think they have to go public or should about their experince in order for someone to show respect towards them.

Well, what got me, was what came next, and well sorta how this post came to develop. It started from the comment section of this particular blogger's post. I'm going to give you the actual comments, with the comments that was irrelevant omitted.

Anonymous said...
I HOPE U DIE OF H.I.V YOU SELFISH, PATHETIC EXCUSE 4 A HUMAN BEING...NOW SUCK ON THAT BITCH!!!

My friend blogger said...
lmao, so I'm trying to think do I want to stoop to the level that anonymous has stooped to, which is immature. lmao So I'm going to act like an adult and hold my peace! Especially since I know the one that made the comment. Like its not obvious...

Anonymous said...
THIS NIGGA BE TRIPPING ON DICKS LIKE THERE`S NO TOMORROW...WAT A FAGGOT!..I WANNA KNOCK A CUP UP HIS ASS...IT`S TOM BITCH.
COME AND SEE ME
http://realitybong.wordpress.com/

What I yours truly YB&DL said...
See this is why I don't let Anonymous people comment on my blog. People always got something to say, when hiding behind the Anonymous mask.

I have said some things on some blogs and post, somethings, that are not the nicest, but always do it under my Screen name. If you not bold enough to say it under your screen name or REAL blog, then get old school, and don't say anything at all!

Both of those Anonymous comments, sound personal...I'm sorry.

The first comment calling you selfish...hmmm The second comment, is claiming to be a white racist named Tom...the strange part about that is most racist white men, call blacks NiggER, and when a black person calls a fellow black person, they call them NiggA, like Anonymous 2 here has done. In fact that whole statement sounded like a black person..."This nigga be trippin on dick, like there is no tomorrow"...hmmm, yeah that doesn't exactly sound like an old racist white man, does it?

My Friend Blogger, I chatted to you about this yesterday, however after reading these comments, I see where you maybe coming from now!

In my opinion this sounds like some bitter people, who you have been acquainted with, in your life. Perhaps an ex or two, I don't know. I seriously doubt this racist has been reading your blog, waiting for a chance to say something like this on it!


Miss Z said... (that's what I'm choosing to call him)
I SAID IT BITCH...IT`S Z AKA THE MELTDOWN BITCHLEADER AKA SOUTHERN STAR...AND I STILL STAND BY MY COMMENTS...U ARE A SELFISH, PATHETIC EXCUSE 4 A HUMAN BEING...GOING AROUND SPREADING H.I.V...GOING AROUND WITH UR LOSS ASS...THINKING IT`S CUTE BUT BITCH IT AINT..I`VE BEEN READING UR BLOG 4THE PAST WEEKS AND U`RE FULL OF SHIT STR8 UP..&..UNLIKE UR FELLOW BLOGGERS I`M NOT GONNA BE KISSING ON UR ASS..U`RE JUST NASTY AND I HOPE U DIE SOON...
ZXX

What I, yours truly YB&DL said...
I'm going to say this last comment, then I'm over this post.

We never know what people have been through, or what their real experiences are. most of us don't know the real blogger. We get a glimpse,into them, through their blog, but we don't know everything or every experience about them.

So when we ASSUME, such ignorant and stupid things, never more do you truly make an ASS of U and ME!

however we also have to take into consideration, that at the end of the day, it's a child, making these comments. Now some are mature at that age, but a lot especially boys of that age, don't have the sense God gave them yet.

Some people don't have anything to wake up in the morning for, but to hate on someone else.

So let's all just leave it at that.

What I will lastly say is this, if you don't l ike a blogger or like what they have to say, then guess what?...Don't read their blogs, and and you won't have to deal with what they have to say!

If I don't like a blogger, or what they have to say, I don't read or vist their blog.

Miss Z said...
I JUST DONT GET IT, WHERE DID SELF-RESECT GO...KNOWIN THAT U HAVE H.I.V,YOU DECIDE SPREAD IT AROUND JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT...IT`S JUST SELFISH AND EVIL!!!
ZXXX

Miss Z said...
@ YBandDL Bad PYT In the Closet at Hearbreak Hotel....CALL ME WHATEVER AS LONG I KNOW...I`M NOT ON THE DOWNLOW OR SPREADING AIDS LIKE YOU MUTHERFUCKERS!!!
ZXXX

Let me just say this, in this particular post, he was talking about how him and a particular person was getting really hot and heavy, but before things go to hot, he had to tell them his health status. He revealed his health status, and never mentioned having unprotected sex.Well after that Miss Z has then went onto say several more things to me and about me on my blog and other blogs. I have deleted the comments permanently from me blog. A reader of my blog, non commenter, told me to delete all of the comments. They told me don't give someone like that a voice on your blog to speak hatred to you. I deleted and they came back hard the next day saying the same thing over and over like 10 times. Therefore what provoked me to install the comment approval device. I personally, don't like that. I think a lot of comments are fueled by what other comments are, and you the blog host may not approve comments in time. However I now understand why certain blogs have the approval system, to halt such negative slander. I am always up for a debate or a challenge of words, but when you say hateful things, with no motivation of learning from the experience or growing, then I'm out.

Here is my long ass explanation for this entire post... We think that by reading people's blog and getting basically a glimpse into them, and a little bit of who they are, that we have the whole picture. That we have the right to judge them. I'm not saying I haven't judge anyone or what they had to say, because that would be a lie. I have very much done that, to certain people. I have judge the situation, to the extent of me emailing them my views. However that doesn't make it right. One thing I haven't done though is personally attacked them, maybe actions, but never as if I know the whole story of who they are. I think as far as my blog goes and everyone Else's, there is more to the story, than what we read, so take that into consideration.

You never know what someone has been through, or what really makes them up!

Let me also just say this. Yes you read about my sexual experiences and sometimes those personal things, that I feel I can't share with others in my life...but that doesn't mean. You know it all. One of those things is, just because I have sex with men, and I have Down Low in my title doesn't mean I am having raw unprotected sex, with every man and woman. Let's just get that straight.

-------------------------------------

Well, anyway back to Mariah Carey's song Obsessed. I actually feel a lot of the lyrics aply to me and "Miss Z."

"You on your job, you hatin’ hard
Ain’t gon feed you, I'ma’ let you starve...

When everybody knows it’s clear that you’re upset with me...

You a mom and pop, I’m a corporation
I’m the press conference, you a conversation...

Why you wasting your time?...

Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
See right through you like you’re bathin’ in windex..."

That's all I'm going to say on that

I'm Not Sucking Dick Anymore in 2009!!

I wrote this the other night when I came home, so sorry it it's a bit graphic and detailed, than usual!

So I'm just coming in for the night, and I have made up my mind, that I'm officially not sucking anymore dick this year. It's a wrap I tell you. I just don't want to do it anymore. It's officially not in me anymore, or at least this year.

Let me say this. I like sucking dick. I'm not ashamed to say that, well at least not on my blog that is. In the past I have enjoyed sucking dick...well at least don't mind it. However I like getting my dick sucked more, let me get that straight, right now. Overall though I like engaging in oral sex. I get it, for some oral sex is very personal, and you do it with people you really like. For some sex or intercourse is very personal. For some everything is open market. Well, anyway I like oral sex, however this year...hmm not so much. I just haven't been into giving oral sex as much. I don't know why, but it has started to feel more like a job, than well for pleasure. I mean it really has started to feel like a "blow job," than just another sexual outlet. It feels like a task, that I need to do do have an overall enjoyable experience. I do it, because I like my partner to be satisfied, as much as I do. I like being considered a good lover. A good lover wants their partner to have an enjoyable experience as much as they do. However, lately if I don't have to I choose not to do it. I mean I have found myself, saying and telling many guys, I don't do that, sorry I don't go down. Other times I have done it, well...just because...as childish as that may sound.

But now, I'm not sucking anymore dick. I'm just not. It's September now, and I feel it's a wrap for the year. I will reevaluate the issue in January.

Well, let me tell you what happen tonight. So I'm with this guy, and he talking all this, I don't want to be alone tonight blah blah blah...I want your company tonight...no I need you company blah blah blah. After this I know it's official that he gets down. Before this, wasn't so sure. So after this I decide to have "The Talk." "The talk" is what I do, when I'm with a new sexual partner. It gets certain maters cleared up first, before anything pops off. Some may think its un-sexy or whatnot, like some view talking about sexual protection is, but just like that, "The Talk" it's very necessary for me. I'm not going to lie, it's like a very informal job interview. What do you expect from me, what do I expect from you sexually...I'm into this, what are you into...I don't do this, and I don't do that... I do this sexually, but that's not happening tonight...those are some of things discussed in "The Talk." I know some people think you should just let things flow organically, but been there, done that. Not for me. I have been in the position, where things got all heated up, and I find out to late that something was expected or that they don't do something, that I may need, and it such becomes frustrating for both parties. I now avoid all of that. Well at least I try. I mean everything isn't for everybody! I understand that. Well, I take that back, some guys can flow like that...some girls can flow like that. They are down for just about whatever. I am not like that. Plain and simple. I have restrictions, and I have had partners with restrictions. I say get it all out up front.

It's like having a rough draft of what's about to pop off. It's not a final draft. Things can change, but is a outline of what is to come. You can veer off of the outline a bit, switch things up, but you do not go off the page! You stay on the outline page, that was initially set up. It's like in sports, you have a game play. Your coach goes over with you the play, what position is suppose to do what, and move where, and anticipate what from the other team. The key word is ANTICIPATE, you can plan all you want, but you never know what the other team is going to do, until you are out on that field or court. The outline for us tonight night was no intercourse. He gave me all of this he was a Top and he don't let guys around his booty, and yada yada yada. That was cool with me, because he wasn't getting up in me, so that was cool. We talked about the other details, he said he does everything else...uh huh! Well that was a lie.



So we get busy. Everybody gets naked. The game starts. Right off of back, he veers off from the outline. I mean I doing what we discussed, a little foreplay. I mean I am doing those arousal type uh things. Well, when it's my turn the suddenly, "I don't lick nipples or suck nipples, or do any of those foreplay type of things." He does no kissing of the neck, no caressing anything. Tells me he don't lick anything above the waist, or below the dick! See I should have stopped things right there. This was not mentioned in "The Talk." This was not apart of his what I do not do list. He said he was down for whatever, except for his booty. Now I mentioned I don't kiss on the mouth. I put that out there. I was upfront. I kiss everywhere else, but not that. That's real personal For ME. I think this year I have only kissed 3 or 4 people. I have to really like you or be feeling you for that. I was not feeling him, so it was a no go on that. However foreplay was suppose to be on the outline, the game play, the menu. I kinda need foreplay. Right then and there I should have shut things down, but I just rolled my eyes and kept it moving. I gave a little oral, he then gives a little oral. He wasn't bad. i men it was certainly not the best I ever had, but he was decent. Was going to get the job done. I don't like monotonous. I switch things up, flip him back on his back. I'm going down, then suddenly he springs out the "Come to my butt" move. This is when a guy spreads his legs apart while at the same time slightly raising his pelvic area; with a result of his thighs elevated and his legs spread apart. Some may actually raise there legs into the air. When on their stomach then the only difference is the butt raises high in the air. Now if you remember he said no booty action, yet again here he goes off of the game plan, that was discussed. However I kept things moving. I got the couple necessary things to make things easy and safely travel in. Although, I'm not sure I need those lubricants all that much. I mean homeboy, was quite easy to slide my fingers into. I mean some its a challenge to get one finger in, and they remain comfortable. For this nigga to be such a strict Top and "nobody messes with my booty," things moved quite easily. I mean homeboy took not one, not two, but three fingers, without a flinch. I feel extremely awkward being so graphic...well graphic for me, but anyway let me get to the extreme frustrations.

I worked my tail off, to get this nigga off. I mean I don't know how it evolve into this this big challenge to get this nigga off. He took so much. One by one, he kept adding this he needed me to do simultaneously. I think it got to a point I wanted to get him off, so I can then get off, and go home. So at one point I had one hand up in him while pulling hard on his balls, and with the other hand jacking him off, while going down on him. I mean I was multi tasking like a mug. It felt like forever to get this Mofo off. Every time I would stop because, I was getting tired, he would whine, and say its like starting all over trying to get to his climax. As I am typing this I am mad as hell, at MYSELf, as to why I kept on working. It felt like I was working my ass off. I mean I was. I was sweating like a field nigga. He would whine when ever I stopped to wipe the sweat off my face. I mean my seat was literally blinding me, it was falling so much. It wasn't like it was hot, I was just working that hard. Finally after God knows, how long he cums. He goes to the bathroom to clean up, and I just lie there.

He comes back and then suddenly, he like, so when you going home. I was like as soon as you get me off.I right then knew things was going to get crazy, when he gets this frown on his face...like he freaking Gary Coleman, with his "What you talking about Willis?" look. He starts talking about he thought I came, and he thought I had my climax. I simply reply, "When...when did I have this climax?...when I was getting his greedy tail off?" He then starts with the hemming and hawing, about how he has to get up in the morning, and get his clothes ready, and take his shower, and its already really late he only has a few hours to sleep, blah, blah, blah. At this point I getting angry pretty fast. I ask where was all of that, when he was talking about not wanting to be alone tonight and needed company, he wasn't talking about work then. Let me just cut to the chase. As the debate goes on. I suddenly become the Incredible Hulk, the other side of me is taking loose. I'm frustrated now. I'm at this point where I can't believe he going to leave me hanging like this. He sees my anger, and his little thug ass, starts baby I'm going to make it up to you, I promise. I tell him like it is....I WASN'T EVER PLANNING ON GETTING WITH HIM AGAIN, SO WHEN EXACTLY WAS HE PLANNING ON MAKING IT UP TO ME? Truth is this was just suppose to be a one night thing. He had no potential for this to be extended to anything more.

So fed up I get dress ready to go home, when I see he getting dress to. I ask him where was he going, when he replied that he was out of cigarettes, to get some. The Hulk lost his shirt then. I mentioned those same things he just said, about I thought you had to get up in for work in a few hours, had to get your work clothes together, take a shower, and whatnot. He tells me that's different. I then try to reason with him...yes the things you do when you are sexually frustrated. You know what I don't even think it was that. I think I was upset that I had put out some serious work, to get him off, and he has come up short on his end. I know it's my fault, I shouldn't have done it, but at that moment I was angry with him. I try to reason with him, like I have done before with certain men, I compare the sexual experience to if, they were with a woman. How would a woman feel if he left her hanging like that, he would want to make sure she got off too. He then informs me, he had never been with a woman.

Okay....

To say I was speechless would be putting it mildly. See this statement, threw me for a loop, like you wouldn't believe. To say that the tires were screeching to a hot halt, is putting it lightly. I couldn't believe that his thug out out tail, was not Bisexual. My shock was not that he had never been with a woman, but my shock was that for someone who only got with men, he wasn't better at it! I mean he wasn't bad or the worse, but he certainly wasn't the best, let alone...good. Shocked, I kept asking, "You only get with men?" Getting upset with men, now...he was like "Yeah, why you keep asking?" I never answer that, but I will tell. I can expect the lack luster sexual experience from a guy who doesn't always get with men, but it kinda shocks me to get this from a guy who gets with men all the time. It's like if you do it all the time, shouldn't you be good at it. I mean when you hear that a person cooks all the time, don't you expect that they are a good cook. I mean I'm not even talking about him leaving me hanging, I'm talking about what he did do. Okay, back to the cooking analogy...he knew the basics to cooking a stuffed Turkey, but he didn't know the little details to it. I mean he knew there was a Turkey, stuffing, temperature of the stove, and so on. However he didn't know the seasonings to go the Turkey...that celery, onions, bread crumbs, eggs, goes into the stuffing...and he certainly didn't know how long to cook the Turkey. It just didn't make sense to me. He should have been better at it all!

He told me he was going to call me, or I could call him, so he could make it up to me. I'm not going to call him.

On the car ride home. I kept thinking about his year, and a lot of my sexual experiences. That's when I realized, I'm tired of it all. Most importantly I'm tired of passing out my Goodies to niggas. I'm not sucking anymore dick, of these ungrateful bastards. I'm really done for the year. I feel, it. maybe I'm changing it that, it's not in me anymore. I just don't feel it. Like I said before, I'm going to lay off until next year, and then reevaluate the situation! That seems to be the best solution.

Unexpected Things In Unexpected Packages!

Okay first of all let me say, I must really be getting out of my box lately, because I keep writing about things I usually leave for other bloggers, but I feel compelled too write about these things lately.

Well this morning after reading Southern Gal's post and yesterday, Butterfly Hustla's post. Now Butterfly was talking about falling and having amazing sex in her college years with an unexpected mate, a chunky Latino man. Things went south not because of his looks, but other factors. Southern Gal was talking about not getting with a fugly guy, but that wasn't the bases of her post. I have been on a kick about getting out to people the importance of not judging a book by it's cover...although without a doubt I can't lie I will not read a book if the cover is wack, tacky and ghetto and the picture of the author is tired. Usually my instinct are on point with actual books, but human people things can be a different subject. What you see, might not always be what you get.

On Southern Gal's blog (The post), I commented about how some fugly people could be amazing in bed. Now I'm sure I could elaborate more...well I know I could elaborate more on this subject, y'all know I can write a rambling long post, but not in the mood today, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet today. I'm telling you so out of my box lately. However who knows I might write more on this post later today, it might be in a different color font however...the new content I mean.

Anyway this is my point for this post. Well after writing my comment on Southern Gal's post. I happen to go to my gossip blogs. There is only two I visit, I usually don't entertain that kind of stuff. One is a celeb gossip blog and the other is a celeb uh...groupie blog. Anyway I stumbled on this post about Willie Taylor from Day 26 having new photos leaked of him naked. Now the first group of pictures out, was reportedly photo shopped. However these new pics were hacked from Willie's wife's email account. While he is on the road and on tour...because you know they make pennies on those albums, under Diddy's on Bad Boy, so that have to tour to really make anything...anyway while on tour him and his wife keep things spicy by taking sexy pics of themselves and sending them via the Internet...bad mistake. When will these celeb ever learn. When will average people learn no photo evidence!

Now here is where my point of unexpected things in certain packages comes to a point. Now I am without a doubt a huge boy band fan. Usually though from the late 80s or early 90s era....I mean Jodeci, New Edition, H-Town, BEll Biv Devoe, Silk, Intro, 112, Guy, so on and so on. However not since Boys II Men, have I really not thought that a overall group was unattractive like Day 26. The only difference is that Boys II Men, have great sexy, amazing songs, back in the day. Now as you can guess, by no means am I a Day 26 fan. I think the overall group is kind of tired. I do. I mean I really haven't liked anything from Bad Boy in like 8 years, you know besides Cassie's new single, but I will discuss my reason on that, in the Music of the Moment post.

Anyway back to my point. I think that Day 26 has a bunch of raggedy looking average guys, that singing skills don't make them look any...well un-average. Now I am sure soem think they are hot and sexy. I'm not one. They don't do a thing for me. Not a one of them. Well maybe Que, with his undercover DL tail, sorta kinda maybe. but overall none of them really. However these new pics of Willie, has got me looking at him in a whole new manner. I mean he to me is a prime example of unexpected things in not so cute packages. how certain qualities of a person, can make them look and become attractive. Now I'm not going to post the pictures, because well I don't have adult content warning, so I am going to leave the link, Willie stock has just went up! Now here is my thing, do y'all think that younger brother Jeremih...you know "Birthday Sex" guy...is working with the same thing, man that brings a whole new meaning to that song, if he is.

And man this post is sorta weird, right?

By the way who in the world still wears Joe Boxer anymore, if you do let me know... I'm curious, am I missing out on something, with Joe boxer?
I thought that was such a 90s thing. I'm sorry but that shows you right there the what kind Bad Boy money they working with.

I'll Take One Heart Attack, With A Diet Pepsi Please!

Okay first, I usually save post like this for Mr. Jones on his Surreal Talk blog, or other bloggers, who write about things about this. I was going to finish the story about Von's blind date. That post wasn't finished afteri left the drunk guy, but oh well maybe next time. I would like you guys to take the time to look at this picture before I proceed with the post. Now I want you to take a good look at this picture. When I first looked at the picture I thought I saw one thing, however not until later did I realize what I was actually looking at. Sometimes I guess your eyes can be deceiving. Now I'm going to come back to this picture in a minute.



So a couple weeks ago I was on a weekend road trip with some family, and we stopped one morning at Hardee's for breakfast. So we go to the drive thru, and they have this big picture of their new breakfast sandwich. Me not paying attention, someone else points out, "Look they have a new biscuit...a Fried Bologna Biscuit!" Now I actually couldn't believe what I was hearing or seeing. Now to me that just sounded like a true ghetto masterpiece. Now I don't think you can be a black person in America and not had fried Bologna sandwich at least once in your life. It is usually accompanied with white bread with either your choice of mustard or mayonnaise. I am a more so mayonnaise person. I have had a fried bologna burger once. Which is a really thick piece of bologna, which comes with lettuce and tomato. I also have had a fried bologna and egg sandwich before too, for breakfast; more so in my childhood. However it was shocking to my ears that a national restaurant, like Hardee's was offering such a...I will say Ethnic?...or perhaps culture?...dish to their menu. I think that sounds better that ghetto, don't y'all? Now no one with me that day got this sandwich. I was already a little queasy that morning, and a little nauseous for some reason. I didn't even eat my chicken biscuit until like an hour latter on the road. Some of you might not believe it but the thought of this biscuit made my stomach do bigger flips than it was doing prior to pulling up to Hardees.


Anyway, apparently Hardees was urged by a lot of their Southern franchises to come out with this biscuit. Apparently they had been highly requested by consumers to make this biscuit. So the corporation wanted to oblige the request. Now this hasn't been the first time Hardees have been apart of the crazy breakfast sandwich idea. Does anybody else remember the Monster Biscuit? It was the bacon, cheese, sausage, cheese, egg, cheese, and I'm not sure ham or something else on a biscuit. I'm not sure they may still have it. I couldn't tell you though. I believe at the time, they were competing with Burger King's Double Omelet Sandwich. That was the Sausage, two egg and cheese omelet, and bacon, with more cheese, on a bun sandwich. I always say that Burger King and Hardees are in a cold war competition, to see who can come up with the nastiest, most fattening, artery clogging sandwich. Now I have never tried any of them. However my cousin, I believe has, and loves these types of sandwiches, with mayonnaise always. Even the breakfast ones, no jelly for him, mayonnaise if you will. He is those guys that eat and eat like an endless well, yet never really gains any weight. His nickname was slim growing up. I will say I did fall short once and tried Hardees Chicken Parmesan sandwich, they had out once. To say that night after eating that was interesting...would be to say the least. Good Lawd was praying for mercy on me!

Now back to the original picture at the top. Now when I had originally heard was that KFC was coming out with a new chicken sandwich, I though no big deal. What I had originally heard was that KFC was attempting to try breakfast. When I looked initially at the picture, I thought it was a bacon and cheese on a seasoned biscuit. However what some of you have probably already figured out. That is NOT a biscuit, but actually KFC's relief for the Carbohydrate sensitive consumer, the Double Down sandwich. That's right people that it bacon, monterrey jack and cheddar cheese, and the colonel's secret sauce on...not one...but two fried chicken fillets. When I read this on Black Voice's I nearly fell out of my chair. I kept looking at the picture, and couldn't believe that I missed what I was looking at. Now I know some may disagree but when it comes down to the most outrageous fast food sandwich ideas, I think this one takes the cake. Now apparently this is going to go on their regular menu, no breakfast menu will be staring. This is what it apparently looks like in person. I what it looks like outside of the glossy promotional pictures you see above. Now I haven't tried this, nor do I think I will. I know just eating this I would gain an easy 5 pounds. I'm not my cousin.

I can't wait what the fast food Gods will come out with next!!!

My Drunk Date, and Von's Blind Date!

So I asked a fellow reader of my blog, which post would they rather read...a post about married guy or a post about my crazy night this weekend with Von, Pickle, and another guy...and he picked this post, so thank him. Anyway I am trying to stay more current with what's going on in my life. I realize I haven't talked about Von or Pickle in a while, but they are very much still in the picture. I have a lot of stories to tell about them, especially Von. Let me know if you want to hear those stories. If not I will just stay with, what happens to me from now on, week to week.


It may start off slow, but gets good. Anyway this I can tell is going to be a long one, if you don't like that, kiss my black ashy tail, and move on to another blog...okay Butterfly...I don't know how to tell a story without the details!!!!

I came in from out of town, Sunday night, after visiting family for Labor Day weekend. No need to be in Labor Day traffic on Monday, I actually like sleeping in all day on those Monday holidays, no need being on the road. As I get myself settled, and change in to something more comfortable, if you will, and lay across my bad. As soon as I hit that comfy spot, where you lay like a vegetable, and not want to move an inch; I hear my cell phone vibrate on my night stand. I reached over and pick it up. It was an unfamiliar number, but I answer it anyway. On the other end a female's voice response with a, "Hello, Y?...it's me Trina!" At first I think to myself... Who is Trina? Then she says a very familiar name that brings it all back to me, "...You know Von's friend." Then suddenly I remember who this girl is.

Last week, I'm at the hospital, visiting a family member, my second cousin. Nothing to serious, but serious enough they want to keep them for a week. Well, I was visiting them one night, when I kept getting these calls, from this same unknown number. Well, in certain parts of the hospital, the phone calls would fail. However by the time I get to his room, all calls are okay. After a few minutes of catching up with the family member, I return the phone calls. This girl explains to me that she is a friend of Von's and he was trying to do three-way, with me on the phone. However I didn't answer, so if I call her number back, for me to call him. Von does the stupidest shit in my eyes, I tell you. Well, through a series of events I end up talking to her for a few minutes, while trying to get Von on the phone, because I have a problem calling his phone. He can call me, but a lot of the time, when I call him, I get a "All circuit lines are busy, please try your call later" message. She can get him on the phone easy, however. Anyway at the hospital, I finally talk to him, and the first thing out his mouth it the same thing always first out of his mouth, "Yo son, where you at?" It racks my nerves every time he says it. I respond the same way every time... "Minding my own business...where are you?" Knowing full well where he is at...at home doing nothing. He tells me his line, that he THINKS makes me weak at the knees... "Yo son, I want to chill tonight with you." Yep doesn't that just makes you libido roar, with desire? This is Von language, for "I want to get freaky with you!" No matter how much I trick him and act like I have not a clue what this means, I can never get him to say literally what he wants to do, which is have sex. The most I have ever gotten, was a few weeks ago, "Let's do what WE do, and there is no need for your draws." Anyway, nothing happen that night. By the time I got to his house, after leaving the hospital, he had fallen asleep from two wine coolers. We actually haven't gotten down sexually in a while. Every time he is in the mood, I'm not. Every time I am in the mood, he's not. When we both are, he falls asleep, and nobody can wake him up.

Anyway back to my main story, this is the Trina from a week ago. After a little chit chat, I ask her, what's going on...why is she calling me. The next thing out of her mouth stuns the hell out of me. "Uh Y, can you come over to my house and pick me up?...and take me to Von's house?" I was so shocked that this Bitty, that I have never know and has spoke to all of a few minutes a few times on the phone, is asking me to become a taxi service. I had to ask her to repeat her question, just so I got it right. She repeated the same thing. In my mind my thoughts was roaming...this girl has a lot of nerves asking me such a request...she don't know me...why doesn't she ask one of her simple head friends to take her...then it hits me. I asked her, "Whose idea was it for you to call me?" She gets all what do you mean, and all flustered and whatnot. I press harder, I know who put her up to this foolishness. She only gives me, that all her friends and family was busy, so I came to mind....me a person she spoke to for literally, a hot two minutes in her life. I tell her I need to call her back. I call up the source for this nonsense...Von. He tells me the same nonsense, but I know he is lying. I know he put her up to calling me. He finally ask me, "So are you going to do it?" I just hang up. However I think about it for about several minutes. I mean as crazy as it sounds, I really ponder going over there to pick her up. I mean there isn't anything on television. Shark Tank is replaced with the Jerry Lewis Telethon...Hung, Entourage, and my other HBO love True Blood is on a weekend break because of the holiday...why not go? I call Trina up, and tell her my decision. I then call Von up and tell him, some reality. I tell him, "I going to pick Trina up and bring her to your house...However Von, when I pick her up, we are through. Don't ever call me again with a 'let's chill' or 'I need to see you tonight' Once I pick this girl up for you, we are through." He acts so confused by this statement and keeps asking me what do I mean. I explain it further, that I have done some pretty stupid things when it comes to him, and he has pulled me into some stupid situations. This is just one episode of the Von Nonsense show. He finally says in his most little boy hurt voice, "You mean we can't even be friends anymore?" Here is the thing I think Von really thinks we are friends. I mean I think most of the time he puts the sexual stuff we do out of his mind. At times, to him, it never happens in his mind. To me however, I really don't consider him a friend. Perhaps an acquaintance, that's relationship was originally based on sex. However not friends. I simply respond though, "I don't even know if we can be friends."

I get dressed and hit the road to Trina's house. She lives about 35 minutes away. Von lives about 25 minutes away and Trina lives about a little less than 10 minutes on the other side of Von. Trina calls me about 10 minutes after I leave my house. As I am getting the directions to her place, I see a man on the side of the road. As my car approaches him I can very well notice, that he is walking unsteadily and almost in a wobble. Right as I am about to pass him, I see him fall to the ground out of site. I pass him and in my rearview mirror, I don't see him getting up. I tell Trina I have to call her back. I make a U-turn and I go back to see where he fell, and I still don't see anything. I pull into a business parking lot by the area where he fell. Although this is a busy road in the daytime, tonight this seem to be a very quite night. I get out of my car and like a white person in the movies I go to investigate, what happen. I quickly stumble upon this man very unsuccessfully trying to get out of this ditch. It wasn't exactly a hole but deeper than your average ditch. He is trying to walk up, and keeps falling back. I reach out my hand and he looks at me. He grabs my hand and I pull him up. I ask him if he is okay, and he mutters something with his head down. The alcohol however hits me like a brick. This fool is drunk on the side on the road, at what now is like about 11:30 at night. I ask him if he is all right. He then starts muttering to me again, except now I can understand that it's Spanish, he is muttering. He's Mexican, from what I can tell. Not trying to be racist or anything, but I can tell he was Mexican...not Puerto Rican, not Dominican, nothing but good ole' south of the border Mexico Hispanic. I let him walk, and he is doing this heavy swaying back and forth walking, and steadily stumbling around. I think to myself, I can't let this fool continue to walk around out here like this. He was close to the road, when he fell. What if he fell the opposite direction?...I could have hit him. At this point, I'm not sure what exactly what I was going to do with him. My thoughts were to find out where he lives and take him to his house. I figure I could find someone who spoke Spanish, to ask him.

I guide him to my truck. When we get to my SUV, I notice all this dirt on the back of his wife beater. I assume it happen from when he fell. I brush it off and open the passenger side door. I help him up into the vehicle, however we are unsuccessful. Even though I have siderail, his drunk ass can't manage to get up into the car. On one last attempt, he is on the siderail, and I push his hip with my hand, when I feel something gooey on my hands. I panic and look at my hand, to see what's on it and accidentally let him fall to the ground. he yells something in Spanish, when he hit the ground. I look at my hands, and freak out. I instantly think I have this man's blood on my hands. It's almost grainy, so I figure its blood and rocks mixed from when he fell into the ditch. I rush to the back of my truck for a roll of paper towels I keep back there. I soon discover it's not blood, but mud and gravel. I go back to the short Mexican man...he's about 5'2 or 5'3...and he has this gravel mud all over his shorts, legs, and shoes. I think to myself I can't let this man up into my car like this. He's a mess. I stand there and think, he just looks at me without saying a word, the whole time I am thinking. I make a brash decision, and decide to take his shorts off. I take off his buddy shoes and socks, unbuckle his belt and slid his shorts off. The whole time he says nothing he just looks down at me. I put his muddy stuff in a plastic grocery bag from my trunk, and I help him back into the SUV. I get back into the drivers seat, and he is just sitting there in his bikini hip briefs and wife beater. Here is the thing, why is it most Hispanic men, where those bikini like hip briefs?...You know the kind you saw white men wearing in movies in the 80s. I use to work in the men's department at a department store and they were the biggest consumer of these types of underwear.
I once again ask him where does he live. Not mumbling anymore, he speaks loud and clear in Spanish. I think to myself, maybe it's in his wallet. I reach into the plastic bag, and find his wallet in the pocket. No ID and nothing with an address, however Jose over here, had a bunch of 20s up in that wallet. I drive off, and I decide to call one man, who might be able to help me, and happens to live about a few minutes away from where we are at.

As I am driving I call a familiar number from my contacts, and the phone rings and rings. Hoping that not only does he pick up, that he is in town, because he is always out of town on the weekends. Just when I am about to give up, I hear that voice I was hoping for, say, "What's up man?...what's good with?!" Happiest I think I have ever been to hear Pickle's voice I cut to the chase. Now I haven't talked about Pickle much since the,Call of the Booty post, but we have become quite regular hook up buddies. I ask him if he is home and busy. He tells me that he has a "friend" over and about to go to bed. I tell him that I need a favor. That I need to borrow an old pair of pants. He laughs and without asking me any further questions, except what size and to stop by. I question him about not asking me, why I need to borrow his pants. He simply reply's "Haven't we all been in a situation, where we need to borrow someone's pants late at night?" I think to myself, not me! I explain the situation to him, and once again he asks like its all in a day. I tell him, I will be there in a couple minutes. I pull up to the curb of Pickle's house, park behind his car, a couple houses down. He has a driveway in the back, but he doesn't like to use it. I get out of the car, and leave the Mexican there. I walk down the sidewalk to his house. I call him and tell him I'm outside. I see movement in the house. A minute feels like forever. As I am waiting I look back at my car, and notice the passenger door is open. I run back to my car and the Mexican is behind the wheel...turning the wheel, with his foot on the gas, making "Room Room" noise with his mouth. Thank God I have the habit of always taking the key out the ignition, where ever I go. This fool might have tried to take off with my car. I say 'No!" and open the door for him to get out the driver seat. He shakes his long curly hair head back and forth, and continues to make car noise. I yell to him, "I'm going to take you to Su Casa!" During this whole process I have been trying to use any Spanish I could recall from my one year of taking it in high school. I guess it's just human nature to think the louder you speak the more likely they will understand you. Like hearing is the problem, and not language. After a minute he jumps and crawls back into passenger seat. I shut the door and run back to Pickle's front door.

A minute later he walks out with a cigarette in his mouth. I once again explain the whole situation to him, and tell him, what the Mexican just tried to do. Pickle just casually puffs on his cigarette, and blows. He points the direction of my car, and ask, is that him. I look to where he is pointing and the Mexican is walking down the street towards us in just his draws now. Now Pickle house is on a street that is much busier and lighted. So you see everything in view. The Mexican goes off on us in Spanish. Pickle just casually looks at him, and blows the smoke out of the side of his mouth. He hands me the pants. I try to help the Mexican put them on, but it seems to be going not as easy as taking them off was. He puts his hands over his crotch, and just says, "Nooooo!" Not sure what he thinks is going on, I just hand them to him. He then proceed to put the waist of the pants over his hand and run around me and Pickle, like a 3 year older. Pickle still all nonchalant, casually puffs and blows smoke out of the side of his mouth, but says to me, "What kinda mess did you bring to my house?" I ask him since he is a teacher, does he speak Spanish, and he tell me no. As he grabs the pants off of the Mexican, he tells me, this is how you speak Spanish. He snaps at the Mexican, and yells "Put these on right!" Oddly enough the Mexican realizes that he must put the garment on, but he still put it over his head. This time though he tries to put his arms through the legs of the pants. I yell out "Blaco!...Blaco!" Pickle asks me does that mean pants, I respond either that or shirt, or the color white. I couldn't remember. He looks at the Mexican, then says, "Well that could be why he keeps trying to put the on over his head like a shirt." The Mexican finally gives up and throws the pants on the ground and storms off. Pickle casually says, "Let him go, good riddance...you want something to drink?"

Just standing there I look at the Mexican walk down the street and cars honk at him. I tell Pickle can't just let him go, I have his clothes and wallet in my car. He tells me well give them to him, and let him go. I tell Pickle I better call the Police. He ask me "Why?...what did the Mexican do to me?" I look at him and point to the Mexican who is in his bikini briefs, who is in the street hitting cars at the stop light, and explain I can't just let him walk around like that. I jump on my cell phone and call 911. I go back to my car and take off after him. He is way down the street from Pickles house now. As I am on the phone, I pull up to the Mexican, and he gets in. The operator, says the police is on its way. The Mexican is swaying back and forth in my car, and has that look on his face. Just talking out loudly I tell him, he better not vomit in my car. Not really expecting a respond back or him to understand. However he says "Okay." I nearly get whip flash from doing a double take. I say, "You speak Engless?" He responds "Si, take me home" I can't believe that he has been able to understand English this whole time. I ask him how do I get here. He makes a block chop move with his arms forward. Then says a street name. Right then the police show up, where I told the operator for us to meet, near Pickle's house. I explain the whole situation to the Police. He jumps out the car, and starts speaking his drunk Spanish to the police. I hand them him the bag with his clothes, shoes, and wallet, and tell them what he finally told me. They ask me how did I find his clothes. See this is perhaps where I might be totally in the wrong. At this point I am really ready to be done with this situation. I may have led the Police to think he was already naked when I found him walking drunk. I told them that his clothes were near by were I found him, and they excepted that, and commended me for my civilian duties and let me go. I left him there.

As I drove off I noticed several missed calls, and it hits me among all this chaos I was supposed to pick up Trina. As I get back on the road heading towards her house. Pickle calls me to tell me about all the drama I brought to his street. When I left The Mexican there was two police cars there. Pickle informs me, that now there is 7 or 8 cars there. I ask for what reason, he is just one drunk naked man. He tells me they are all standing around laughing at the Mexican. I tell Pickle with all the crime in the city, this is the best way they can see to use their time? He tells me that they have gotten the clothes back on the Mexican. However now they have him cuffed and on the ground. Every time he gives me an update, I feel worse about the situation. Thinking to myself did I make the situation worse or better for him by intervening and picking him up.

Is the Dream the New Millennium's 1980's Prince?

I feel so behind on my Music of the Moment, I mean in all reality this isn't exactly my Album of the Moment, anymore, more like in July it was. However I had it up on the right side of the blog at one time, so I'm going toplay catch up and talk about The Dream's "Love vs. Money." This album is without a doubt a sequel to his debut album "Love Hate". I wouldn't be surprise to hear, that a couple songs on this album were probably songs, that didn't make the first cut, of the "Love Hate" album. I think the first single, "Rockin' That Shit," was suppose to be another "Shawty is Da Shit," the first single from his first album...and yes, I always get the explicit versions. I am going to say something that, maybe very controversial, or may have a lot of people disagreeing. I think The Dream is the new 1980's Prince. Yes, I said it. Now don't get it twisted, but I am not calling him the new Prince, but more so a new millennium's version of 1980's Prince. Let me explain this, for those who are confused. When I listen to The Dream I get a somewhat Prince vibe to him and his songs. I think about Prince's song like "Little Red Corvette," "Purple Rain," "Raspberry Beret," and many other songs, when I hear The Dream's songs. Just like Prince I think The Dream has a sorta signature sound. I mean I usually can figure out that The Dream has written or produced a song for another artist. The Dream's protege girl group, Electik Red, Rhianna's "Umbrella" has The Dream sound; just like Prince's protege girl acts like Vanity 6, Apollonia, Sheila E, always had the Prince influence sound on their albums. I mean on The Dream's first album he has a song called "Nikki," and who else has a song called "Darling Nikki" too?...hmm let me think. Now granted The Dream's Nikki could be talking about his ex wife Nivea, but you get my point. I just feel that The Dream is very much giving us a new 1980's Prince retrospective. I think songs like "Walkin' On the Moon" and the beat to "Love VS. Money," very much sound like a new day 80s Prince. Ironically though it's R. Kelly he shows homage to on this album on the song, "Kelly's 12 Play." I don't care what The Dream says however, he could never deny that Prince has or is, a major influence on him and his music as well.

With that said, lets go into the highlights of Love VS. Hate. First let me say this The Dream to me successfully does something on every album, that Jagged Edge tried on the "Baby Making Project" album, but I didn't care for as much, as how The Dream does. That thing being connect each song, so there is no space, but it becomes one long song. With Jagged Edge, every song, started to sound a like on that album. In my opinion The Dream connects them better, yet they still sound like different songs. For example "Sweat It Out" is talking about a girl that he loves having sex with...a girl he loves having sex with so much he want to take her home to meet his mother in, "Take U Home 2 My Mama"...which is the first lines in the song "Love VS. Money"... which is a song about him wanted to take a girl home to meet his mother, but she left him for another guy she loves inspite of all the money and gifts he lavished her with, which goes into "Love Vs. Money Pt. 2"...and it goes on like that. I have to say my favorite line in the whole album, would have to be the first lines in one my favorite songs on the album "Sweat It out," which are "Girl, call up Tisha, your beautician, cause your hair is go'n need fixin..." I just think it's funny. This album is filled with a lot of slow jams made to get busy with. Songs like, "Put It Down," which is another one of my favorites, to other slows like "Fancy." The song "Kelly's 12 Play," actually samples his own beat from his first album. It samples the "Shawty is Da Sh**" remix featuring R. Kelly. The song is about how you can't go wrong with having sex, when you do it to r. Kelly's "12 Play" album; while this song is actually made to have sex with, like R. Kelly's album. Ironically, I have gotten completely naked and busy to the album. It has a nice overall groove that is great to have sex too, in my opinion. Overall I enjoyed


My Ah That's My Jam of the Moment, is Case's "Lovely." As corny as it maybe to say, it's lovely that Case is back. This is the first single of of his new album, and I really love this song. I think because it is such a classic song from Case, it like right where he left off on his last album.


My Ah That's My Jam II of the Moment is Mary Mary's God In Me featuring Keirra Sheard. I will say this, I'm not a huge Mary Mary fan, but I love this song. I actually first heard it on a R&B/Hip Hop station and thought as crazy as it sounds, that Monica had did a gospel song. Anyway even though the message is kinda superficial, I love the message. That you see my car and clothes, my lifestyle about me, and think I have it made. however what you don't see is me falling on my knees when I get home, and knowing it's nothing but the God in me that made it happen.

My throwback album of current rotation, is "Miss Thang." The debut album from one of my favorite female artist, this album embodies the attitude of the title of the album. Back in the 90's, "Miss Thang", always meant a women or dare I say a gay man...yes I said that...with attitude; and well Monica always seems to have that little attitude to her. In attitude, I mean she always had this sassiness to her, even at the age of 14, when this album came out. Here is the thing about the mid 90s, 14 year old singers were not producing music like 14 year old girls are now. Singers like Monica, Brandy, Traci Spencer, and the late great Aaliyah, who all seemed to be coming out at the same time, and were all around the same age, where producing mature music. The music was very mature for the age of the singers. I mean the songs and singing always seemed like it was coming from older singers, even if that meant just older teenagers, it was older sounds. I mean I find it amazing that several songs on this album was recorded when Monica was actually 12 years old. Ironically as teens are more mature today, the songs coming from teen singers are a little more bubblegum than in the mid 90s R&B, in my opinion, at least. Now granted there is this high school vibe to the album, but I still feel like it wasn't, pinholed to one certain age group.

One of my favorites on the album, the High tempo, heavy bass infused, "Don't Take It Personal(Just One Of Dem Days)," is an example, of one of those songs, that is not just geared to one specific audience. I love this song. Now I know this song is more so talking about a woman feelings, and more specifically PMS, at least I think; however I connect with it. I feel this way a lot. I have them days, where I just one to be left alone, and do just that. It is the only song she co-wrote on the whole album. I have a feeling it was one of the songs recorded when she was 14, than at age 12. I have a feeling songs like "Skate," was recorded when she was 12. Anyway another favorite of mine would be, "Before You Walk Out of My Life." One of my earliest memories of Monica, would have to be the video, for this song. The video always left a sad feeling in me, when her and obviously her best friend, which was a boy, moved away from her. This album also contained a lot of covers and sampling. I feel like this album debuted during a time when sampling was just becoming the big thing. Not taking the whole song like previously was done for years, but just sips and nibbles of older songs or the productions, and remaking them. She has two covers on this album. The first being, "Tell Me If You Still Care," which I think is fairly decent remake of the S.O.S. Band's hit song. Does she make the song hers..hmm that's debatable...I think personally think she did, for a cover. The next cover being the first of two collaborations she does in her career with Usher, the Latimore' hit "Let's Straighten It Out." I will have to say, that it doesn't seem like a song that a 14 and a 16 year older is singing. Not the most remember song from the album, but it's decent. I think that her slow jams out shined them, like "Never Can Say Goodbye" and "Now I'm Gone." Anyway this album was the beginning of me being a real Monica fan, even today with her recent stuff.



Now I'm not going to even lie, when Hezekiah Walker divorced Monique Walker 10 years ago, I thought it would be the last time I heard from one of my favorite soloist. I mean it had been years and no music or anything about her surfaced. However one day I happened to be listening to one of Hezekiah Walker and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir's old albums, and I happened to think about Monique. I got home and Googled her name, and to my surprise, her name came up and a new album "My Genesis," appeared. "My Genesis" is the debut gospel album, from a music veteran. For some of you is unfamiliar with the power house Monique Walker, she was one of the lead soloist of Hezekiah Walker's Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, since the late 80s and early 90s to the Family Affair album in 1999, when they split up and divorced in the following years. In the "Let's Dance" music video, from the "Family Affair" album featuring David Hollister, she is the female soloist in the video, with the strong high cheek bones. Well anyway, after the "Family Affair II" release and the "20/85 The Experience," and still nothing was heard from Monique, I thought that she had went into Ex-spouse obscurity, and the last we heard of her singing on an album release ever again. However I am glad that I was wrong, with the album "My Genesis."

She named her debut album "My Genesis," after the first book and the beginning of the bible, and this being her new beginning. That is very much the theme that was carried through this album and through her songs. From songs like "Starting All Over" and "Right Now," she sings about how its her season and her time, to shine and reap her blessings from the Lord. This album has a very anointed impact from the beginning to the end. Although establishing herself as a solo artist and her own sound, she didn't stray to far from her roots as leading a choir. Half of the album is live with a choir or heavy music grouping of some sort and the other half is studio productions. Her first single "Crazy Praise," is just that a crazy praise, and just what a live production should do, make you feel like you are there. I for a moment get caught up and can actually image myself in the church sanctuary, being apart of this service and watching her sing and lead this song. I will have to say her ex husbands influences on her is very much apparent in certain songs like "More of Your Glory," and the way she directs the different sections, is a classic Hezekiah move. On one of my favorites songs on the album "Right Now," is without has that Love Fellowship Crusade Choir vibe written all over it. In the strong beat and everything from organ and I want to say the Hezekiah Walker horn sound. I can't put my finger on what is that sound, that distinguishes the Walker sound. I think this song has my favorite lyric on the whole album, "This is my season...this is my time, I'm not conceited, but I got to get mine!" Another one is the powerful and stirring, "Tried in the Fire," which is about how you can go through the fire, through so much in your life but with God you will come out your situation as gold.

Now for some it may seem weird that she would have a song on her debut solo album, from her past when she was singing with Hezekiah and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, like "Second Chance." However if you ever heard the lovely Ms. Walker perform this song you would know that she couldn't have her first solo album, without this song. Although Monique was lead soloist on many LFC Choir songs; "Second Chance" was her signature song, from the "Live in New York" album. It was her "I Will Always Love You" to Whitney Houston, it was her "I Will Survive" to Gloria Gaynor, her "Lady Marmalade" to Patti Labelle, it was the song she always sings. I have seen Hezekiah sing live multiple times, some with Monique and a couple post Monique, but there was never a song that brought down the house like Monique singing "Second Chance." It was always an emotional song that touches, and gets everyone. Now this is a different rendition than the "Live from New York" album. I don't know if it was purposely sung in the middle of the song or that's when they decided to start the live recording for the album or what, but I care for it when she starts off from the beginning, but still you get the effect of the song regardless. I will have to say the live recordings got me more than the studio productions, but they were still fire too. It's just she seems to shine more and really get you with a choir behind her and the powerfulness of the choir and probably the support of the audience. The heavily produced Darkchild singles "Greatest Gift" and "Trust and Believe," definitely gave her a new and different sound, that she probably needed to establish her self as a solo artist. However I think the soft sweet ballad "We Worship You," is by far the best studio song on the album. I just love that one. All in all this is an album to me was a very personal and powerful album, about trials and tribulations, and about making it through, with the grace of God. With his help anyone can cope and see the brighter day, that God has for us all. This is without a doubt an anthem album of claiming your season and what's for you no matter what anyone says, or you go through.


Sorry if this whole post feels dated...it sorta is!

Black, Down Low, & Married Series: The Married Men

If you asked me how many married men I've been with, I'm not sure I could honestly tell you how many there has been. Don't get it twisted, now that doesn't mean there has been so many that I have lost track of, but that's just a hard question to answer. If you asked me how many do I think I have been with or how many have told me they were married, then I could answer that, however there would be two different answers to those questions.

Now I debated for a while about posting this subject. I don't I feel like it was a very touchy subject. I thought about it for a while on whether I was going to publish it. It's something, that people have strong opinions about. I'm not going to lie, I was nervous about judgement. I'm human, I not one that can brush judgement off my shoulders, like some do. Yesterday I chatted with a fellow blogger, and they told me, regardless of what people say, it's your blog and write what you will. I thought about it, and I came to a conclusion, that it's something that needs to be talked about, it's a part of the DL story, my story. However, I did rewrite the post, and I decided to break it up, into a series of sporadic post.

See here has been the thing with me, I never really think about if a guy is married of not. Not that I am not concerned about it, but more so I just never think about it. Although I have gotten better about asking a guy if he is married or not, which I use to never think to do. The answers I get, I'm not always sure if it is the truth or not. I never think to look at their ring finger to spot a ring. Not sure if that is a man thing to do. I remember the first time I really realized, that might be more of a woman thing.

I am going to do a real quick mid-post flashback. The first time I realized that was a woman thing, was with this girl I use to go to school with named Alexis. A name she was quite proud of, because it was after her mother's favorite character off of "Dynasty". Oddly enough all through her school years, she had that bad girl vibe, even in second grade. She was pretty, with long blond hair, and sparkling blue eyes, but she always had this sly, mischievous look on her face, like she was up to something. Anyway as we got older, she turned into this sort teen vixen, you know the kind that was the bases of many characters, off of night time drama, ironically like "Dynasty". She was pretty, dressed sexy, parents had a little money, and she was the first I knew of who was for sure having sex. I remember one time, when we were in the 8th grade, she broke up with her high school boyfriend, because she needed a man who, "...has stamina, and knows how to please a girl all night long and not just 5 minute man." With anyone else I would think they were bluffing, but I knew her, and she wasn't. Anyway back to why I started to even talk about her. All through middle school and high school, whenever we had either a new male teacher or male substitute, she would go into questions, like she knew him. For example, she would randomly ask if he was happily married, and ask questions about his wife...why?...because she saw his wedding ring. If he didn't have no ring, then the questions would revolve around, girlfriends...why no girl friends...what is he looking for in a girlfriend...blah blah blah. I don't know whatever happened to Alexis, I sure if she went to college, she ended up having some affair with her college professor. Anyway my point in this little far off sidetrack, is that from Alexis I got my first glimpse into it being a woman thing. Later on after I saw it in my own family. I remember one time when I was younger, hanging out with two older female cousins, and them talking about how fine some man was, and the comment was, "Too bad, he's married." Now in my mind I looked at him, and wondered, how would they possibly know that. I asked them did they know him, how did they know he was married. They casually mentioned his wedding ring. Now this man had to be several yards away from us, yet it was their instinct to look at that hand. This little sidetrack showed me that it must be a women's instinct to check for the man's wedding ring, whether or they ignore it or not depends on the woman.

However in my experience with dealing with other DL men, I have sorta picked up on a sixth sense; of whether a guy is married or not, without looking for the ring. I can't exactly put it into words, but there is this air around them or something, that just screams to me married. I don't know, but kind of a I have a wife and kids, and something to loose, aura about about them. I think it's a somewhat reserve and settled demeanor about them too. Not saying that's who they really are all the time, especially in the bedroom, but those vibes are what they put out. In my opinion, its easier to spot a Dl man who is married, that to spot a married man, who is DL. As strange as that might sound, there is a difference. Regardless of what it is, most of the time when I get that feeling, I ask them, and they tell me whether they are married or not. I so far have only asked one guy, who told me no. My gut feeling told me he was lying, but I wasn't going to argue about it. Do to this sixth sense development, I have realized, that certain past men, probably was married. In retrospect, I think about it certain men and experience, and realize that some were married and I never knew it. See like how the army has a "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy, I had a sorta "Didn't ask, They didn't tell" policy going on then. However I actually prefer now, to know exactly what it is I'm getting into.

I remember the first married man I was with. He was my first of many things I guess, you can say. Not only was he my first married man, but he was the first of three white men I have ever been with. He was, I want to say, the third guy I was ever with. There is always new construction going on in the city, and not all construction is done by local business. I learned that a long time ago. He was a construction worker and the company he worked for, was from Wisconsin. I met him one Friday night. I don't know what was up with me that night, but I was on a kinda prowl like mentality. There was a period, that I feel like I use to attack "bi-curious" men. Attack I mean ...um manipulate. I don't even think I was attracted to him, but I wanted to see if I could push him over to the other side, so to speak. He was married and his wife was 7 or 8 months pregnant with their first child. He hadn't seen her in like 2 or so months, because of the construction job. He was upfront that he had a wife, that he loved very much. Some how I used all of that in my argument in getting him to get down. That plus how getting with a guy was nothing different than being with a women...I know what y'all are thinking, but it worked. Let me say this first, I didn't make anyone do, anything they didn't want to do. I didn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. He was a grown man, in fact he had like 10 years on me. He was enjoying it up until he climaxed. When that happened, it all changed. His face went from ecstasy to terror in seconds. The whole experience really seemed to happen so fast. He looked so guilty about what had just went down. I kept that face with me for a long time. He just had that face like he was going to confess what he did to his wife, out of guilt. That led me to feeling guilty, that my part in all of that night, might have led a man to confess some great thing, that ultimately led to the demise of a marriage and a blossoming family. Now whether that actually happen, I will never know, but I felt like that when we parted ways for the night. At that time, when I first started messing with men, I would go home and take a hot shower, as if that was going to wash away my sins and get me clean. I did the same that night, however I made a pact with myself, that if I was going to mess with men, then no married men. If I as going to commit other sins and what not, no need to add adultery to the mix.

I kept to that pact for a while...at least a couple years, well at least I think I did. I knowingly never messed around with a married man. Back to what I was saying earlier, about there being a difference between how many married men I think I have been with verses how many I have been with, that I was told were married. For all I knew I had not been with a married man until last year, when I posted about my one night stand, with that pastor. In that circumstance, I asked, and he told. However in my stance against messing around with married men, I never really asked guys, or paid attention to whether or not they were married. However I actually prefer now, to know exactly what it is I'm getting into. I don't l know what the new change in me is, on why it doesn't quite bother me as much as it use to, but all I know is it doesn't.

My whole point to this first post in this series, is that...well...I sorta was recently involved or am in involved with a married man.

Living by Bread and Water Alone and a Little Advice

Okay let me ask you guys, for a little advice first. So this weekend I heard some very disturbing news about a friend of my family. Now I'm not suppose to know this, but I heard from someone close to them, who told someone close to me, that their family is taking serious advantage of them. There was a huge tragedy, that occurred to them, and their family is taking this time to get all they can get from them...in so many words, their family is robbing them blind. You would think at a time like this, their family would be coming together and doing all they can to help this person out, during what I would without a doubt say, is the roughest time of their life, but what are they doing instead, taking the biggest advantage of their vulnerability, extremely hard, and emotionally sensitive time, to get money and things from them. Now my gut reaction was to go to them and tell the family friend to stop it all. However I have been told and reminded, that I wasn't suppose to know, and that it isn't my family, so I can't say anything. I'm not suppose to know, and I understand that, but it hurts, that after all this person has to go through, their family is basically robbing and taking advantage during this time, because they feel they can, and know that even in a better time, this person would never go to them and tell them off!

Now here is my question, what do y'all think I should do leave it alone, because I'm not suppose to know, and only family would really know about what I know, and I'm not family....or go to this person and talk them...tell them, "Don't let people take advantage of you, and to take back what's yours and be strong during this time, because I know they have that strength in them!"...What do y'all think?


Okay this post was actually a lot longer this morning, but lets thank ,"ButtahflyChronicles", for blowing up my spot, and making me feel so horrible, and wrong, tha tI took the second half up my post off as soon as I read her comment.

I had not read the particular scripture she wrote before, and welll I just thought I would share, an intimate thing, that I am doing this week, but apparently I had to nip that right in the bud...Got me feeling all stupid and ig-net!!!That's alright I Love Buttafly, but I got cha...don't worry I got cha!!!

I even changed my second picture, no need for that either I say...I decided to keep the first one, becasue well, I think it still needs to be said, that Fasting Can Change Your Life!"

So I am going to just leave this part up with my advice question, then I am going to come back later this week, with my post thatI interrupted for this inspirational post that was here today....My next post "BLACK,DOWN LOW and the MARRIED MEN"...I'm sure Buttafly will have something to say on that.

Anyway I will be back with some much needed update post about the Mens in my life nad other things....So stay tuned, and pray for me and my uh will power...Love Y'all