Well moving from the last post, which apparently didn't go by to well, I am coming to a quick new post. After much thought and consideration this past week, I have decided...That I'm NOT sorry about a damn thing. I had started to feel bad about certain comments, but I'm not. F*ck it. I decided that I going to say whatever comes to my mind, without regret. That's personally big for me, because I live a lot in regret. I'm not going to regret anymore comments, at least. Baby steps people. So new blogs or old, I'm going to be me, if you don't like, delete my comment. It's YOUR problem, not mine. Now on my last post, I said I was going to return all emails, that was sent to me, over the past couple months. One of my emails, was a request of a former lurker, and now occasional commenter, J. Antoinne. In his email, which I must say he mentioned, "I have enjoyed reading your posts; even the ones that may reflect negatively on you. I say that because they're just real." Negatively? I have no idea what you are talking about sir, I'm always a perfect angel. Yep, sticking behind that statement too. Anyway his request was for me to finally answer his Q&A question, from way back when. I think I only got 3 questions, and only answered one. And yes, before Realhustla bites my head off, I know she has one question I haven't answered either. I will get to yours in due time.
Anyway J.Antoinne question is:
Do you ever have the fear that someone would out you, given the right/wrong circumstances?
First of all, let me say this, I'm not exactly sure what the right circumstance is What is the right circumstance in being outed? "Yeah you called my mother and told her I suck dick, Oh boy...Yeppie"
I mean I really can't figure out what a right way would be. I can see plenty of wrong ways, but I truly can't see a right way, other than me. I think that is the only right way to be outed, is by doing it myself. I mean it possibly can be a good thing in the aftermath of others knowing. It can be a freeing and liberating experience. Not worried about lying or cover things ups. Everyone knowing who you really are.
Then on the flip side I know it could be a devastating act if done wrong, as well. Let me give up a real life example. I know of one DL man, whose live in boyfriend outed him out to his estranged wife and parents after he broke up with him. His wife took the kids and finally filed divorce. His relationship with his parents are very strained, even though it happen a couple years ago.his boyfriend had actually been holding that over his head for sometime. He was a man of his word, when he told him that if he broke up with him, he would destroy him. I will give yo the long version one day. Anyway the last time I saw him, he was...hmph well skin and bones. His looks are...well I'm not going to say gone, but he doesn't look like he did when I first met him. His face was sunken in, a little bit. This is of course due to his drug use after the reaction to his family and friends, because most thought it was just his roommate. At least that is what he has told me. He told me, that he just couldn't coup. It's someone I have actually talked about once, I think early on in my blog life. I saw him early last year, I think it was, he wanted to do "something," and I just couldn't. My arm brushed up to his, and it was creepy. I mean he was clean, hair cut fresh, and cloths fresh, but I can feel that he was still struggling, with his life. I'm not saying being outed, it what made him a drug addict, but it certainly didn't help. He wasn't a drug addict when I met him. My point is that there is a good side and a bad side of the aftermath of being outed.
I don't think there is a right way of the process of being outed, other than doing it yourself. I think any information like that, is better coming from the person it's about. It to me would never be good coming from someone else. While we are on it, I actually can't stand people, who think it's there duty to other people. Who gives you the right? Who appointed you... I know whatever...keep your f*cking trap shut, if it isn't you who you are outing. You remember the young Rutgers Student who got outed, online, by his college roommate. I think it was in the fall, I'm not exactly sure of the whole story, but I know the outed young guy killed himself. In the end, it's someone's life you are messing with. Even the bible says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit." I take from that, is be careful what you say about others, because your words have huge impact.
Now back to the initial question, of do I fear being outed, blah blah right/wrong circumstance.....hmm I don't know...Yes, No...little of both. I guess I was really more fearful, when I first started getting with men. The first few years, I guess I was very fearful. I don't know if I'm so much fearful, now...or at least as much, as I use to be. As you can tell I'm fearful of being outed in the wrong way or fashion, but the act itself, hmph. I've had some close calls. I have had two or three close calls. I'm always cautious, well in revealing myself to the guys I get with. I'm very cautious to be exact. Hopefully I have good karma in that department. I try to take certain preliminary steps, to eliminate to many cases of being outed. However we all make mistakes, and it could happen. I just hope and pray, I would be a place in my life, where I could handle it emotionally and spiritually. I'm scared of the aftermath. Plain and simple.
You really should write and complete things as it comes to you, because I started this two days ago, but something came up. I feel like I had more to say on this question, but I'm empty on the subject, right now. Sorry, if more comes to my mind I will write about it.
What do you guys think of me playing a new song on my blog, to go with every post? I kind of like it, I feel there is a song truly for every occasion.