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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Diary of a Mad Black Down Low Man


I know that title seems so played out now...well the first few lines I mean. It seems that ever since Tyler Perry's movie, there has been more movies, blogs, websites, books with the same beginning name. However he wasn't the first. There is Jodeci's "Diary of a Mad Band." Before then there was a movie called, "Diary of a Madman," and another movie called "Diary of a Mad Housewife." So Mr Perry doesn't hold the exclusive rights to talking about someone mad, going mad or being mad.

I decided to change up my blog a little bit. I'm not sure if I am going to stick with this set up and design, but I felt it to be fitting especially now, while I feel I'm going through, what feels like a change in myself. I'm still YB&DL but lately I feel like...I guess a madman. I feel like I don't recognise myself anymore, or at least the person I have become.

I'm scared. I'm scared of the man I am, and scared of the man I'm becoming. Sometime I really don't recognise myself or at least don't get the man looking back before me in the mirror. I really have been feeling the last few months or so, that it's time to put this blog down to rest. I feel like all my blog friends, have left me. It doesn't feel the same way anymore. However the way I have been feeling about me and things going on with myself and even with other DL men, has made me think, maybe I have a few more thoughts to put out there in the world, regardless of whose reading or who I'm reading. It's not about anyone else at the end of the day, it's about me and my feelings(I'm talking about this blog and me continuing it). My blog is like a relationship. I may not have those excited feelings about it, Like I did in the beginning, but to get it going you have to respect what's there when the newness wears off. If that makes any since.

To be honest I have always felt or seen my blog as a diary or chronicle of certain things in my life. There has been things I have truly forgotten about, but read an old post and been freshened on an incident or occasion, I had completely let slip my mind. The only difference now, is that now I have decided to temporarily rename my blog "Diary of a Mad Black Down Low Man."

Basicall,y I feel like I'm going mad. There's a lot that has went on this year or two, that I haven't necessarily mentioned to you guys. However the these things I feel have contributed to me going "mad." Then there are the little things, that take me so out of myself, I have to wonder..."Who is this person?" The anger the frustration of life...of others...of being me...Sexuality and all.

I think this is where I'm going to leave off for now. I will continue later.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Pictorial Editorial Wednesday: Baby, you seen my purse?..I'm late for hoops with the guys.

Now I haven't done a Pictorial Editorial Wednesday in a while. I haven't done many post in a while, but I haven't done a P.E. Wednesday in a minute. Anyway I need a good laugh when I can get it. However the other night I stumbled over a set of pictures. I could not stop laughing from picture one to picture 25. I had to bring this on my blog and talk about it. So apparently one of the hottest trends that is emerging in Hollywood, is heterosexual men carrying purses. That's right you read correctly purses...I'm sorry correct Murses (Man purse= Murse) I don't know what is more freakier, the guys using the bags, or the word "Murse."

Let's analyze this for a moment. I will admit, that there has been times, when I have had so many things in my pocket, where perhaps I needed a little something, something. I have moments, even recently where I have Cell phone, wallet, keys, checkbook, different from wallet, loose change, gum and/or breath mints, and depending on the season, chap stick. no my pockets don't look like I'm happy to see anyone, just that I'm swollen around the thighs. Then there are days where all I got is my keys and a credit card, and I'm good to go.

Now before I went through my opinions I had to of course, get the opinion, of One of my favorite bloggers Quincy "Q" Jones of Purveyor of All Things Appropriately Inappropriate. He is currently on hiatus from his blog for the summer. He wanted me to let everyone know, he will be back the end of the month...I bet probably not before Labor Day. The fabulous Quincy had to take a break for the summer, because I'm guessing he spent it in Martha's Vineyard, The Hamptons, or just had so much going on with the Real Housecunts of DC...and NO I spelled it right Housecunts, that's what he calls his crew. I do listen to him. On his blog he once mention how awful and out of style men's square toe dress shoes were. Since I had a few square toe dress shoes, Every new dress shoe I have gotten so far, has been either round or pointed. I try not to wear the square ones anymore except these cognac gator ones I love. I don't think I would every meet Quincy, because he probably would rip me a new one, of what I had on, from head to toe...Not to my face of course...He has manners!!!.

Anyway I thought he would have fun with this topic, especially with the different pictures. I was prepared to laugh my butt off, but to my surprise I was wrong. To my ignorance Men wearing bags is no laughing matter. It must not go into lightly. A man must know what he is doing. Here's what he had to say....

Hey babes,

Wow! Murses are a touchy subject. While I do have a couple, the key is having one the "right" size. It should either be really small (like the Louis one pictured below), or it has to be gargantuan (like the ones I carry, and the Birkin Pharrel has). The whole mid/sized murse gets a little touchy because it starts to look like a man is carrying a handbag. You have to know your proportions. A man is bigger, so the bag should be larger 1. to endure that it doesn't make one look extremely gay, and 2. so aesthetically it matches the body size. Oversized or very small is always better. All of the guys below are doing it right! I love Kanye for that Mirwais Louis!
-Courtesy of Quincy Jones

Where do I begin? Here's the thing it's not just a couple of guys rocking this style. This whole trend, completely went over my head. I'm like where have I been. Anyway I'm going to start with I suppose the smallest bags, and that would have to be...
Terrance "Hold My Clutch" Howard.


















I get it, don't get me wrong. It's a fashion statement. He secure in his manhood, it's about fashion. It's a must have accessory. I would appreciate Terrence and his clutch, if...I thought he actually had something in it. I don't think the brother got squat in it. It looks really light and empty in his hands. However let's say for giggles, he does have something in there, I'm going to go with...hmm I'm not trying to be funny, but really tampons. I swear I feel like he is carrying his lady's tampons in his clutch, because they won't fit into hers...Here baby put your "pearls" in my clutch, if you feel Aunt Flow coming, during the awards...

Next is Cristiano "Is He or Is He Not" Ronaldo




Hmmm....


Too easy. Some of you might be wondering who this is, if you like me, I had to google him. This is Cristiano Ronaldo, the world's highest paid football player, but to us in the good ole U.S. of A., he is the world's highest paid soccer player. He has played around in a lot of places I saw cities like Madrid, Portugal, and United Kingdom. Where he is playing now, I'm not sure or care, but I saw quotes of him making like over 100 million or something. He's making real bank. He was recently linked to be dating Kim Kardashian. They claim to be just friends, you know I believe them. Even though he more paid than even Reggie, not sure I see Kim going from Reggie to Cristiano. He recently became a father...surrogate mother...like hmm Ricky Martin. Anyway I imagine...um hair gel...hmm nail polish, just because I hear that when his feet are not in football cleats he like his toes glossy...a bottle of Nair for men, for emergency hair removal, because I hear he like a clean slate.
All kidding aside, he's European and foreign and they have a different standard than us. They are less inhibited. I just think that if he didn't always carry his bag underneath his arm like that, it would be okay. However I get it though. He is a Soccer player...He is not use to using his hands, so underneath the arm like Julia Sugarbaker is.

Sometimes though a picture ISN'T worth a thousand words, and is taken out of context. Maybe his bag pictures were too. Like this one......I had too!

Continuing in our "Small Bag" category
Bow "No Pun Intended" Wow.
When Bow Wow isn't around town promoting future BET movie classics like "Lottery Ticket," or starring future Madea movies...not making music...making a fool of himself on twitter...or around town with, on again, off again, girlfriend Angela Simmons; Bow Wow likes hang out around town with his Louis Vuitton bag. I'm guessing a Nintendo DS whatever...Vaseline, for what he tells people are for his new tats, he just got, but really is for his lips...and Listerine mouth strips. I feel like there is nothing original about his bag, because...


NBA player Jason Richardson




NBA player Ricky Davis









NBA player Stephon Marbury













NBA player Kenyon Martin






They might as well call this the "NBA Louis bag", because it seems to be the bag of choice for many ballers. Since Bow Wow always wanted to be a baller, I guess it's fitting that he carries this bag. Hands down Condoms and Lube in them all. Why does Kenyon Martin look like he carries weed, an Ipod, and a gun in his bag?


Speaking of weed...Next up is Snoop "Beauty Shop Knock-off" Dogg.Okay let's not pussy foot. He looks a hot ass mess in this picture. I mean his bag looks like he got it from Roscoe the "Bag Man" at Beauty Salon, who always telling the ladies it's real Louis Baitton or real Koach bags, that he got in New York real cheap. Snoop's bag looks cheap, but goes nicely with his blue shower cap. There is no question, what's in his bag...weed...weed...cheetos...some more weed...HoHo's...Doritoes...and pink cushion hair rollers.


Lupe "Your Bag is a Fiasco" Fiasco
All I have to say on this is, at least the color isn't awful. It's original unlike wannabe baller Bow Wow. I feel he would have old cough/throat lozengers...dirty old tissues, that he would use to spit on and wipe the shmutz you got on your face...eye class repair and cleaner kit...wet wipes, for when he has to do number two in public restroom...and old coupons in his old man hand bag.



Seal "You Are the Baby's Daddy"...Klum?
Seal looks like he took a step back into 1994. He needs to give back Synclair from Living Single, her purse back. His wife is Heidi Klum. One of the today's last supermodels, host of Project Runway, judge of Germany's Next Top model, and yet her husband walking around looking like that, with a purse across his chest, like he got a Blossom hat in his car. Maybe it's because those old wrangler shorts he got on won't fit all of his...um...I don't even know what Seal would carry. He needs to carry condoms, as fertile as Heidi is. I know he needs to carry a bottle of Afro Sheen and a comb for those mops, that him and Heidi call their children's hair. Everytime I see them, they look like "Momma Do My hair paleaseeee! I think with all those kids they have he really needs to invest in a much bigger bag, to carry little bags of Cherrios, Goyurt, juice boxes, emergency pull ups, and once again condoms, for those spare of the moment sex in the afternoon moments with Heidi. I feel like he is banging htehell out of her every chance he gets, with those rugrats. He needs to carry a bag like...



Jay-Z "The Man Bag Blueprint" Carter








Now some may call this a backpack, however when you are Jay-Z and pay God knows how much for this Man Bag. He's too cool to wear it over his shoulder like he's in high school. Of all the bags, I think I like his the most. This too me is a real Man's bag. I imagine Money...a year supply of chap stick...a laptop...lotion...and a pair of Beyonce's draws, that she wore for a day and left in his bag; for those lonely nights when she is on the road and they Skype sex.

Phareell "Bitch My Bag is Badder Than Yours" Williams



Here's the thing...I get it that he might be worth I think over I read over 75 million dollars. That he is a trendsetter and whatnot. I feel though the Birkin is so synonymous with female socialites celebrities and whatnot, why go there? I get it, it's a status symbol. I get it, instead of putting it on your girl's arm, you like, "Bitches, I'm gonna rock this!" I'm not mad at you for that. My whole thing is dude, you couldn't find a blue, neutral color, or something. I'm sorry but the purple and the loud ass orange has got to go. I guess we can say at least he doesn't have it on the hook of his arm elbow.

Last but certainly not Least Kanye "Shrug It's My Bag" West




If a man was to carry a "Murse" or man bag, Kanye knows how to do it. Now Some may say it looks like a duffle bag, some say it's a handbag, either way I like it. To me on him it looks very grown and sexy. I wouldn't mind rocking that to the gym, on the airplane...umm to anywhere. What would little Kanye West have in his bag...hmmm...Magic Shave left over from his relationship with Amber Rose...KY Jelly...a mouth Choke ball...a Bible...the Kama Sutra...and No Blood diamonds.

That's our Pictorial Editorial Wednesday: Murse Edition.
Becareful and advized, when you buy your Man bag. You don't want to be caught dead in the locker room with the same handbag as your nigga.

Friday, August 13, 2010

My Answer to Question 1


So I'm going to get into the answers to my Q&A post, starting with Sunshinestar110. She was the first question I recieved. I decided that I was going to break down my 3 questions into multiple blogs, concering each question. I will get to each one...eventually. Unlike some people, on their blogs.

Sunshine's question is:
So I have a two part question that I asked my cousin years ago his answer was interesting so I'm going to ask you the same thing...

Do you think you will ever not be on the downlow and come out to your family? or is that just not an option at all?


Well, Sunshine to quote one of our great illustrious philosophers of our generation, Whitney Houston...Hell to the Naw.

Thank you and Good Night!


Okay, maybe I should elaborate a tiny bit more. (What if I left it just at that answer. It would officially be the shortest post I have ever done.I don't know if I have even done a comment as short as that.)

Anyway the answer is no. I really don't see that happening. I personally don't see that as an option. I get what some may say, of course it's an option. I can here them now, "Honesty is always an option, YB&DL." You know what I guess it is, but it's an option I don't feel like going down. Plain and simple. I believe I have said this before, but not sure, so I'm going to go through it again. I come from a very...I hate to use the word religious...and spiritual sounds so new age...so I'm going to say a very God fearing and church oriented...religious family. My Grandfather was a Bishop. I have an uncle whose a Bishop, one who is a pastor, one whose an elder. Cousins who are elders and ministers, one wants to be a pastor...I'm sorry "It's his calling to pastor." One is an evangelist. Most of the people in my family are involved in the church in some form or fashion. A good portion hang out with other Christians and church members. They hang out with children and kids of other Pastors and Ministers. My first words, honest to God, was Hallelujah. My earliest memories are from the church. I don't remember a time I haven't been in the church. I have had the pleasure of meeting some amazing men God and in the word, in my life. With that being said, it should not be a surprise about the fact of what most believe when it comes to homosexuality.

I'm not going to say I would loose them, if I told them that I get with guys, but I feel like I will forever be branded as the one who needs to be saved or is forever lost. To be completely honest, I'm not sure who would stop talking tome. People are constantly surprising. Some who you may not think would, will do the complete opposite. I have heard of SOME families that have done that. Anyway, I would be the one constantly hearing about the sinful life, I was living or where I was heading if I didn't change. Let's say for giggles, that I retracted that I got with men or say I was delivered form it down the road. I would still have that stain or tarnished record. They would keep a watchful eye on me for the rest of my life. Even if I got married. Here's the thing all though my family is very into the Bible and living right and christian lives, some have done some very...non christian illegal things. However at the end of the day, if I told them about me. I would seem like the biggest sinner of them all. Whatever they did would seem so meaningless compared to the abomination of me getting with men.

There has been days where I feel so angry at them or something they did, that I feel a big "F#ck you" would be to tell them. However I chicken and think about it, would it be more a "F@ck you" to them or to myself. In the end, I feel, I would end up more F%cked over, than them. Yeah, it would be easy to just live my life the way I chose, sleep with whomever, love whoever the wind blows by. I feel that's easier said than done, though.

Down the road, there might be a time, when certain people in my life suspect. Especially if I decide never to get married. Which I have been thinking about. Whatever anyone suspect, they certainly will never hear it come from my mouth. Maybe from some revengeful or scorn lover, or a person who can't mind their own business. I however will deny, deny, deny. One day though I might evolve to Discreet. For me that means living in a city where I don't really know anyone. I would be no less than 6 hours of driving time away from family and family friends. Where I'm less concern about what people will say or what people may find out. Not out and open, but just less caring. Not sure if I see that happening either though.

Like I said hell to the naw.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Well F#ck You too!


I'm not a cursing man, but let me tall you, I just so tired of people. Lately, I feel like I stay angry with the world. I always believed in the philosophy, that it can't be everyone. Everyone can't be the problem in some one's life. That if the problem is everyone, then it must be you that is really the problem, because in the end, you are the common factor. However, I think I maybe rethinking that logic. You know it maybe me, but regardless if it's me, people are still irritating the hell out of me. Some days I feel like I just want to punch someone in the throat. Like I said before, I'm not much of a cursing man. I mean there was a brief time in middle school. I was doing it, because everybody was doing it. We all were trying to act older. By high school though, not so much for me. I might have my slip up every now and then. Mostly when I drive. When I drive, I'm a drunk sailor from the South side of the hood. My cousin once mentioned to me, it just feels weird, when they hear me curse. Like it's so out of place. Cursing sometimes to me, just feels so unnecessary, for someone who can't use their words. But I have to say lately though, if feels so good. My favorite is Fuck. Lately, it feels like a nice gooey climax, when I say F*ck. It feels like it is becoming so much easier to say it to. I almost caught my self saying it in church a couple times. That almost rattled me for a second. I was like, take control of yourself Young, realize where you are at. You cannot be doing that in the house of the Lord, but you know what, people are pissing me off there too. There are days, I just want to be like "Screw you Mother Jenkins, you old bag" or "Suck my dick Brother Jones." He probably has sucked a dick too, just saying. I feel like the way I'm going by the end of the year, I'm just going to sitting, in church, saying "Fucking Amen" or "Sheiitt you better preach" Can you imagine sitting next to someone in church, doing that. I remember one time when I was little, at this church we visited. This man was giving this "testimony," but he was quite liberal with his choice of words. It was the only time I ever witnessed a profane testimony.

I tried to catch all of my F^cks in this post, but I'm not sure. I wanted to leave it the real way, but I thougth against it, if anyone reads my blog from work.

Blog World:
Yes, I think I will start with you in my grievances. Look I know I haven't been the best blogger in the world. No news there. A couple months without a post. However I'm so fucking pissed off. Over the past couple years, I have read and been to a lot of different blogs. In that time I have participated in a few Question and Answer post. I'm not 100% sure whose all I have participated in. I know like 4 or 5 for sure, but I believe I have done like 7 or 8. My questions range from silly questions to serious, and a few just wanted to know questions. Now in the two years I have had my blog, I have had questions asked to me in the comment section and emails. Some I answered some questions I didn't. I finally decide to have a Q&A post, where you can ask me anything you want, and what do I get?
Three mutha f*cking, at this point it says 28 comments, Now granted 20 comments is from the same person, someone whose name is a symbol. A symbol I don't know how to even replicate on my keyboard. Look = or whatever your name is, don't be mad if I decide to clean up your comments by deleting a 1 or maybe 15 comments, because you are basically saying the same thing. At first I thought you couldn't type English, until I realized that if you are reading my blog, which is in English, then you must know how to type in English as well. Now Sweetie...hmm no I'm going to go with Buddy, that's gender neutral, type something, let me know if you are a man or female, stop throwing me those fucking symbols and phrases I don't understand. Love ya, thanks for reading my blog.

Now back to what I was saying. F*ck y'all for your three f*cking questions. Oh Southern Gal, I'm really shocked at you. I'm putting you on blast. You know you were right on my last post, when you said, that your Q&A post wasn't a year ago...no it will be a year the 20th of August, and still no answers. Thank goodness for an email filing cabinet. I found the questions I sent to you, 20 questions, and you couldn't produce 1 for me. That's all right though...you or anyone else who reads my blog, don't have to worry about asking me another damn question. I will be only a fool once...okay maybe twice...okay three times, but after that I'm through. I will address the 3 questions I was asked in another post, perhaps, I will address each question in a different post. Real Hustla once again no shock in your question.

Retail:
It seems where ever I go, people seem to just piss me off now. I went into a Best Buy, not to long ago, bought Erykah's new CD. I paid for it, and walked out the store. Now anyone who has been to Best Buy, knows they have that little kiosk or booth near the entrance where the employee sits. They watch different cameras, and greet and says good-bye to customers, as they come and go. The skinny light skinned boy says good-bye to me, as I leave with my CD. The minute I walk out the store, it hits me that I have left my keys, because I look for them to hit the automatic unlock. I turn back around and go back inside. I pass ole dude at the kiosk, and he says, "Excuse me sir, come back here." I turn around and tell him, I forgot my keys. He tells me how he needs to put a sticker on my merchandise. I tell him once again, how I'm just coming back for my keys, at the check out. Then suddenly he snaps, "Look, when you walk into MY store, with merchandise you put a sticker on it. You understand me?" I just stood there for a moment and just stared at him. For a moment I was a little in a paralyzed state, I was trying to register, where I was. I mean I just knew I couldn't have been in a retail store, where I have just purchased merchandise, and been talked to like I'm a child in the hood, by this little high yellow Mutha Fucka. "My Store," I didn't know it was his store. He should have named it Little Light Skinned Boy Buy, so I would recognize the Head Negro In Charge. He needs a reality check, real quick. Let something happen to his pale ass tomorrow, they will not be closing the store in his memory. It will be business as usual, and he will be replaced, quick, fast, and in a hurry, buy a big black women or a skinny white guy. Moving on... In a trance like state I hand him my CD, where he puts a sticker on it. Then in almost a daze, as I think about what just happen I walk to the counter where the cashier smiles at me, as I pick up my keys. I smile back. I walk back to an entrance. The little light skinned mutha fucka, who by the way I thought was cute a first. I did, except I thought that he probably didn't have any black friends. He looked like a swirl baby, and he gravitated to his white side, more than the side of his black parent. However, this was all before he snapped at me. As I was saying, I walked back to the entrance, as he plasters this obviously fake smile on his face, like he didn't just talk to me any ole way. Then he tells me, "Have a good evening, Sir." Without missing a beat I reply, "Yeah, FUCK YOU Too," without giving him a second look. In my mind its a look of shock or at least stun, on his face, however I'm not sure. I wanted to look back at least once, but that would have messed up the effect. Now I have worked in the public before, I know customers can be a bitch at times, but you never talk to them disrespectfully...you know unless provoked, and he was not.

Unfortunately he is not the only one in retail pissing me off. I was at Walmart a couple weeks ago, same thing questionable customer service. Okay I think I have made a point previously on my blog, or maybe other people's blogs...someone's blog, that I really hate Walmart. I mean I get its advantages and all that...low price items and big ass store, however I just hate going there. It never feels like a run in and right back out experience. It always feels like a mini journey no matter, what you go in to get. You never can find a parking space, long lines, workers who don't want to be there. The only time I like going is late at night, when they have already closed one entrance side up. Anyway I go to grab some deodorant for in the morning. It's around 11 or 12 at night, or maybe even later. I'm not sure; I know they only had two lines open, so that should tell you something, about the time. I put my items on the grocery belt. I've seen this cashier before, at night. She must only work at night. She's an attractive chocolate Sista, with hair all the way down her back, a little hard, and a little hood. She rings up my purchases. I scan my credit card, I typed my zip code or security code of my AMEX card. American Express sometimes require the four digits on the front. My card says approve and the receipt prints out, then is when Sista girl decides to ask me for my ID I was a little surprised, I had never been asked for my ID in Walmart. I didn't have it with me, all I brought in was my card, I left my wallet in the card. The basketball shorts I had on, didn't have pockets. I tell her I don't have my ID on me, but I can go to my car and get it. She looks at me and tells me to hold on. She then yells at her manager that she needs assistance. He yells back at her, what is it she needs. She then yells back to him, that I have a card, that isn't mine. I snap at her, that wasn't what I said. She then corrects herself, and tells him that I have a card, that I can't prove is mine. Now technically that was true at that moment, but it still sounded horrible the way she said it. At this point there is a line of people behind me now. I'm embarrassed and angry at this point. The manager comes over, to tell me that it's their policy for all Identification with credit card purchases. I tell him I'm going to get my license. He then proceeded to put his key into the register, to cancel the sell, until I get back. It won't work. I tell him, that he is probably going to have to void the transaction. It was already approved and went through. He asked the cashier for the receipt, she doesn't have it, but I do. She has my credit card and I have the receipt already. He shakes his head in frustration, and takes the credit card from her and hands it to me, and tells me to have a nice evening. He repeats to me though that it's always been Walmart's policy for Identification on credit card purchases, and for me to remember that in the future. At this point I'm pissed off. I tell the manager to stop acting like this is Walmart's old and on going policy. He tells me it always been their policy. I tell him, I'm a little surprised at that, because it certainly wasn't their policy two weeks ago, when the same cashier rung me up. Now I could have left it at that statement, but I was pissed. I went on to tell the manager, that it wasn't their policy, when the same said cashier, was talking about how she was screwing a a stock guy. I pointed out the gremlin looking guy she was telling this too. He was sorting through baskets of merchandise they had to put back out on the floor. I went on to explain, how she had to drop him, because he didn't tell her, that his recent ex girlfriend was another cashier, that she could stand. I then explained how she doesn't do anyone's left over, and hand be downs, especially triflin' bitches...her exact words. The looks on their faces, was exactly what I was looking to achieve. I Her look was shock. I like to think she was thinking, How you remember all of that?...and how you just going to put all my business out like that in front of my boss? His look was just of embarrassment. like I mentioned before, there was now a line of customers behind me. He looked at the cashier, then back at me. All he could say then was bye and to have a nice evening. I was then.
Side Bar: I have tested that policy since that night, and have yet to be asked for my ID, even for a check. However, I've had it from then on.

Family and Friends:
It feels like there is drama always going on in my family. There is always something or always someone wanting something. I won't go into everything, because it would be like writing a book. I will tell about this one thing, that will show how frustrated I have been. My mother was telling about something, and I just flipped. I believe I started off by saying "Why the Hell do we go to church? We are suppose to be a Christian family...and I can't tell the difference between us and F*cking Niggas in the streets. This Fucking family gets on my damn nerves!" And scene.
Okay...as I mentioned, I rarely if ever curse. Especially in front of my Momma. That look I wished I saw on the high yellow mofo at Best Buy, well I saw it on her face. She was a little upset, with me talking any kind of way in front of her. I think she understood a few weeks later, when she was doing the same thing, in regard to someone, in our family. I just think people and certain situations, very much can take you out of being yourself. You shouldn't let it, but sometimes it's very hard not to do.

Next order on the agenda is to new parents. I think new parents should think and discuss very long and hard, who their baby's Godparents are going to be, before telling people. Do not ask me to be your baby's Godfather, only to take it back later down the road. I was asked to be a baby's Godfather. I mean I'm close to the parents, but I was surprised. At first I was like am I at that age now, to be asked to be someone's Godparent. I mean I know I could have been having my only babies for years, but this feels like such a more mature thing to be asked. I felt very honored, and very proud. Well, that was a short trip. The date had been set months and months ago for the Christening. Now some people feel like a Baby Christening is different from a Baby Dedication. The dedication being just parents dedicating or giving their baby's to the lord to guild and protect their paths. The christening being on the same wave length, but also appointing Godparent, who are traditionally are suppose to help or ensure their spiritual or religious development. At one time I believe it also meant that if something ever happen to the parents the God parents, would become the parents. However nowadays it's a little different, more so just take a more special interest in their upbringing and personal growth. Anyway they had a dedication, at their church, where I was told there was no need to come. It was no big deal, nothing like the christening...blah blah blah. I was cool with that, not a huge fan of their church anyway. I then hear through the grapevine, that at the dedication, God parents were announced. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. When I talked to the parents, not one mention of what went down at the dedication. However a couple months later I was told the christening was going to be "postponed." Apparently so many things are going on, schedule conflicts, and blah blah blah. I'm playing it cool, I mention when will it be rescheduled. I was then informed, next summer. Hmm....O...Kay. I use to work in a department store, and I know a little about baby christening outfit. I know that they go up to about 24 months and 2T, however in my personal opinion baby christening's are not as cute, when the babies are walking and talking. Now even though the baby wouldn't be near 24 months, they definitely would be walking and talking to some extent by then. To this day, they have yet to address me that I have be replaced as God Father. I haven't said anything either. I'm thinking I will bring it up in the spring or early next summer. Say something like "So has the new christening date been reset, I need to know soon" See what they say then. It would be even worse because they had let like a year go by, by then, with me thinking I was still the God Father. Horrible guilt, is what I will be trying to achieve. I have a little experience in achieving that. I don't think it's the fact I was replaced, but the way they have went about it. All this behind my back, and not even that, but not addressing it to me after, and saying something apologetic. I mean I understand, I get it. They wanted a couple, instead of two single people. I get that. This is an older couple, with children of their own. From what I hear the two younger ones are reading, way beloooowwww their grade level. The older ones in high school and college, although doing well academically, they can't be trusted in the house alone, or even to watch the young ones for a day. I say great choice, bang up job.


The Men-es:
Where Do I begin?...Well lets talk about the one who really pissed me off recently. Now I have not talked about him directly on my blog before, but I have talked about him, indirectly. I'm angry right now, so let me just get it out for a minute. F*ck you black Mother F*cker. You are the most inconsistent nigga I have met. You go from me not hearing from you for months, to the long ass rambling messages. How ever let's talk about our recent, and from my opinion our last encounter. First F^ck you for making me feel bad. F&ck you for taking me to Denny's. F@ck for making me feel bad at Denny's. Maybe you were right I was being snarky and snide. News flash, I didn't feel like talking about damn wife, that night. I feel like we always talk about your wife and your marriage. I'm usually okay with it, but I just wasn't in the mood. There has been times where we talked about your wife the whole time. I have sat on a phone while you bitched and complained about her for TWO hours! I didn't feel like hearing some damn story about your wife and some chick at your job, she don't like, at some Yolanda Adams concert. You know what else, F%ck your "brilliant" kids too. That's right, f!ck them too! I get it, they are smart, but don't go on and on about how marvelously smart they are, then question me about my schooling. I will f$ck you with my right shoe. I get it, your wife and kids are a big part of your life, and you talk about them, but you know what, I don't want to hear it, every time! Have some new sh!t happen to you without them, and get back to me then.

I just don't like you as a person anymore. You irritate me on some level. You know what else. I stand behind what I told you at Denny's. You take to damn long to tell a simple ass story. Your pig feet and ham hock eating ass needs to speed it up sometimes. I get it you from the country, where you take your time. My family is from the country, but guess what, you not in the country anymore. We in the city now, you need to speed those stories up. It shouldn't take you half and hour to tell a 10 minute story. Maybe it was rude to tell you that, but...it was the truth. You are absolutely right. I have changed. Maybe I am, as you put it, snarly, snide and mean. I'm sitting in a God damn Denny's, with a guy who can't tell a simple story about his wife, in a reasonable about of time. Screw you for bringing up all the other times we had lunch or dinner a year ago, and how pleasant I was then, compared to now. What happen to me, you ask? You! You made me change towards you Sherlock. I can't believe I got felt guilty and bad. Bravo for flipping the script on me. Well, done, but you did this too me. Why you keep f^cking with me then?

You have turned me into a nagging, bitchie nigga. I always got to bitch and complain, to let you know I am not rolling over and taking your BS behavior. Another thing I stand behind is this. Get off your high horse, and looking down on me like how dare I even suggest you would cheat on your wife, with another woman. You have done it with me. If you can cheat on her with a man, I don't see how it's such a far stretch, that you could cheat on her with another woman. Just when you see me, keep on walking by. I'm good, son. Let's keep this moving.

And another thing either cut that mini afro down or get a damn texturizer, because nappy fro, isn't cute. I done told you!

After this I was so angry I could spit nails. Who should call me but my good ole friend Von. He called a couple times during Dinner at Denny's. I kept hitting ignore. I answered. Why are some people so dense? Why hasn't he picked up yet that I hate when the first thing out of his mouth is, "Where you at?" I have yet to answer that question. I always answer it, with another question. "Why you need to know?" His next response is always, "You going to swing by here?" Uh no. By now I usually just question what does he want. I feel like there is a motive behind his calls. He never just calls to see how I'm doing. Get mad...ain't no one begging me to come by...huh? Good, because I'm not. Click dial tone. The last person I wanted to see was him. You know what thought, what pisses me off even more, is when I tell him off and hang up on him, nigga, never calls back pissed or to question me...it pisses me off more.

Oh and by the way I was mugged. Well, I guess mugging means by weapon, so I guess I should just say I was robbed.




I'm just tired of people.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Happy 2nd Bloggerversary...Bring on the Terrible Two's!!!


'All I really want to say my darling today is a special day we call our
own so take me in your arms and hold me and tell me you love me
and I'll be there for you

Do you know what today is...
Do you know what today is...
It's our anniversary
It's our special day
Ti's our anniversary

Do you know what today is...
It's our anniversary made for you and me'

That's right people, it's that time of the year again. It's my 2nd Bloggerversary. Once again though I missed it. It was last week, however I'm doing better than last year, when I missed it by several weeks. Maybe next year I might actually get it on the right day. Well, last week I was extremely busy, and didn't get a chance to write any post or to really catch anyone else's post, so sorry. Hopefully this week will be a bit better....I said Hopefully, no guaranty, but there is always room for H.O.P.E.

Anyway to celebrate this year, I have decide to do something I said I wasn't going to do last year...which is by the way something I have never done here at Young,Black, and Down Low... I'm going to do a Answer and Question post. That's right people, You will be able to ask me any of those burning questions you have for me, if you have any at all. So fellow bloggers, commentor, lurkers, and blog stalkers, this is all your time to ask me what you will! I will do my best to TRY an answer them, for you. Just post your questions here or you can email me your questions, whatever you like. I think I will leave it open for a week or so. I will post in between...well maybe anyway. You know me by now.

I will post my answers in a week. Unlike some people, who shall remain nameless, Southern Gal, I will post my answers. I'm not going to have everyone ask me questions, then never...ever..ever post the answers to those questions. I'm not going to be trifling, like that...no sir. At least Lady Nay, when she did her Question and Answer post, and their was questions she didn't want to answer on her blog, which was a good portion of mine, she was courtesy enough to email me the answers. She just didn't answer any one's questions, like some Raggedy women....uh huh.
I will post my answers! However I wouldn't be me, if there wasn't some sorta twist. You will find out on my answer post.

So I look forward to all your questions, if you have any at all. The answer post might me a short post at that, if no one post or emails...We Will See.

Oh an Southern Gal you knowI love you like a fat kid loves cake. But for real you are trifling for not post those answer, it was like a year ago, wasn't it too?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Look-A-Uh Here, Old Lady!


So I didn't go into what number 13 was on my list, on the last post. I always get comment about how long my post are so I knew it would make it even longer. Anyway number 13 had something to do with number 1 on my list and number 2. Let me explain.

The other day I'm riding down the street and I can feel my cell phone vibrate. I'm driving and trying to fish my phone out of my pocket, by the time I get it, the phone stopped, and went over into my voicemail. I check my missed calls, and its this 1-888 number again. I have seen this number a few times over the past couple weeks. Not enough for me to really bother to investigate, but enough, now for me to really wonder "Who is this?" I listen to voicemail, and once again it's a message saying I have a collect phone call from the city jail. The one thing different is, during the part where the inmate is suppose to say their name; I think I here a familiar voice, but it wasn't clear, and I think they said my name instead of theirs. I have had my suspicions about who I think it is, calling me, but my gut is telling me who I know it is. The one confusing thing is, why are they calling me...you know from jail. That's new for them. I call their cell phone, their old number and the new number they started calling me last time we spoke. Like it has been doing for a least a month, both numbers are out of service. If I really want to get down to who this is, and at least narrow down my suspicion, I need to make one more phone call. I hate calling this number, and I tried going as long as I could. Here's why...

Hello?

Me: Yes, how you doing? Can I speak to Von?
Grandma: (I don't even need to ask who this is, because it's apparent, even though others live in the house, I know it's her.) Who?
Me: VON! Can I speak to Von?!

Grandma: Who is this?
Me: Y.

Grandma: Who?
Me: Y...YOUNG!

Grandma: What'cha want?
Me: (I thought I had made it clear, but apparently not) I wanted to speak to Von?

Grandma: What'cha want with him?
Me: Well, I'm a friend of his, and haven't spoken to him in minute...and well...wanted to catch up with him.
(See here is the thing...I've been through this before. She gives guys who call for Von, the third degree. Girls she gives the phone call right to him. I remember one time I called the house, and she told me he wasn't there, and hung up on me. Later that night he called me and told me he was home all day. She had been telling boys all day he wasn't there. I get it. She thinks I'm one of his hood friends. She loves him and thinks whenever a boy is calling him, they're looking to get her grandson in some street or criminal trouble. She's trying to look out for him. Here's the thing I have learned though. Von is grown. He is old enough to drive...even though he has no license. He is old enough to vote...even though he has never, and pretty sure he can't because he has a felony. He is old enough to drink...even though he has no ID, and still needs someone to buy it for him or he goes to some local corner store that sells it to him without one. Regardless he is grown, and he gets his own self into trouble, becasue...well...he is stupid...and a dumb criminal who doesn't pull off smart moves. Others don't get him in trouble...He does.)

Grandma: You ain't no friend of his. (That comment threw me for a minute, wasn't expecting it.)
Me: Well...yeah I am.

Grandma: You a Damn lie.
Me: Uh...I'm not lying...Why would I lie?

Grandma: You ain't no friend of Von...If you was a friend you would know he not here.
Me: Uh...Just because we are friends, doesn't mean I know where he is every minute, ma'am.

Grandma: If you was a friend you would know where he is!
Me: Well, that's why I'm calling to catch up with him.

Grandam: Well, friend of his...Von's in jail.
Me: (Well, that solves that mystery, but I don't act like I already suspected that) Jail?

Grandma: Yeah, jail...and you was a friend you would known that. Bye!
Me: Ma'am, hold on. How long has he been in there?

Grandma: WHY?!...WHY YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT?
Me: Just curious...I mean I talked to him earlier this year, in January...and I just wanted to know when he got locked up.

Grandma: YOU'S A DAMN lIE!!!!

Okay, at this point, she sounds furious. I mean I can actually see her in my mind, shaking with anger as she says those words. With maybe a cane in the air, with a fist. I've actually never have met Von's Grandmother...other family members, yes, but not her. She sounds like she wants to fight me in the street now.
Me: Excuse me?

Grandmother: You..Is...A...Damn...lie! You ain't speak to no Von in January!
Me: Well, ma'am I beg your pardon, but yes I did.

Grandma: No you didn't. Von been in jail before some January, so no you didn't speak to no Von, in no January.
Me: Well, ma'am I would have to disagree. I'm not sure when in January, maybe it was around New Year or those first week or two, but I spoke to him.

Grandma: Shut the hell up! No, you didn't.
Me: (At this point I'm getting frustrated...She is an old woman and I have been nothing but courtesy...I ain't got but a few more 'Shut the hell ups' and 'You a damn lie' left in me, at this point) Okay, ma'am, maybe I'm wrong...maybe I didn't talk to him in the New Year. I guess the last time I talk to him...was...uh...Christmas.

Grandma: Who the Hell is this Damn liar on my phone? You ain't speak to no Von in no December!
Me: (Now at this point I'm the one shaking from frustration. Now mind you, I'm still driving at this point. I'm ready to pull over, to have full concentration when I handle her old butt. I get it I called her, but now we at a wills about who is right. I'm mad...I think it's the way she is saying things or how she says them.) MA'AM! I know what I'm talking about here!

Grandma: Oh, you know what you talking about, huh? And what I don't know what I'm talking about then?
Me: Well...uh no...I...not...trying...
Grandma: Oh, you saying I don't know where my own Grandson is?...You saying I don't know how long he been there?...That what you saying?
Me: Well...uh..no...I'm not saying that...I'm spoke to him Christmas. That's all I'm saying.

Grandma: YOU'S DAMN LIE...You ain't speak to no Von in no January...You ain't speak to no Von in no December...And you ain't speak to no Von in no November.
Me: LOOK LADY!(Yeah, the Ma'ams where out the window at this point) I know what I'm talking about. Von, your grandson, called me the morning after Christmas. I was still in bed. He called to ask me what I was doing that day, because his grandfather, your husband, bought him a pet snake for Christmas. He wanted to know if I could come and pick him up and take him to pick it up from the breeder or whatever. I told him that if his Grandfather, Your Husband, could buy him a snake, then he could very well take him to pick it up. I said that if he couldn't then someone else in that house could. If they couldn't then he needs to do like Spike Lee says, and 'Get On the Bus.' Now I didn't image this whole conversation...It happened, and it happened in December after Christmas.
(I was so hot at this point, that I wanted to tell her off...Something like, that whenever he was locked up; when he get out to call me...I could use a good Blow Job...and he was so good at giving me head. Something that would for sure give her a coronary.
However, then I would feel guilty if something happen to her, while Von was in jail. Then if he got out he want to talk about his feelings, and Lord knows we had one excruciatingly long conversation one night, that I thought we would be getting busy, but all he wanted to do was talk about if something ever happened to his Grandmother...what would he do?...blah blah blah.So I wouldn't dare say anything liek that ot her, but I was itching.)

She remained quiet for a while. Not sure if she was debating about if she was wrong or right...Or thinking about when Von did go in. Not sure. All I know is she was letting me know either way.

Grandma: You ain't speak to no Von. Bye


She hangs up on me.

Well, regardless of how this conversation turned out. I now know, who has been calling me from jail. Here's the thing...I don't know why. Von has been in and out of jail since I met him, but never has he called me from jail. Even the time he was locked up for 4 months, for gun charges. He was looking at serious time there, but a friend of his, who was locked up to the wrap for it. They were facing like 10 years, and they added to their plea bargain, and he got out. He has been lucky, I'll tell you that. The only thing I can think of is his Grandfather and Mother are tired, and not trying to put any money on his canteen, and he thinks he will get it out of me...I don't know. He would be wrong if that's what he thinks.

However I have been wondering whether or not I should go see him. I mean he lives only 5 or 10 minutes from the jail. I could go visit him. It took me all evening after the phone call to think of his last name. I know the full first, not just the nickname but the last got me. It hit me, when I thought about when he got a ticket for possession of marijuana, while with me, and he had no ID and he had to give the cop his full name. That's right...another long story, I never wrote about, but I remembered his last name from thinking about that.

There is so many story I could write about Von...Even recent ones that are...well interesting. Maybe I should write about them...but what do you think should I go visit him?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Random 13 Things That Pissed Me Off!


I normally don't do random things post, but do to the fact that things seem to piss me off so much lately here goes random things that make me angry.

1. Why do people let senile...or okay partial senile old people answer the phone? If you have someone who senility is in question, don't let them be in charge of answer the phone all the time, especially if you have like 5 or 6 people up in the house. I will come back to this one later...

2. Someone keeps calling my cellphone from jail. I'm not sure if I can even except collect phone calls from jail, but if I could I keep missing them...bad luck or good luck? I don't know who is calling me, I have a couple ideas, sadly. I'm thinking three guys actually. One is a friend, that I haven't talked to in a minute...a real long minute too. It's a possibility it's him though. The next two guesses is two guys I have hooked up with. I haven't hooked up with a dude in a while so, not exactly sure, why any of them would be calling me now, especially from jail, but I guess what other time is their to reach out and contact someone, but when you have nothing else to do, but make collect phone calls, bet cigarettes who is going to get eliminated off of American Idol this week, and jack-off?

3. Some woman I don't know keeps calling my phone, for the past two weeks. Ironically I keep missing her too. I wonder if she has any connection to collect call from city jail. I keep calling the number back and it goes to voicemail. The other day I finally got some chick on the phone. I asked her, did she call my phone. She tells me I have the wrong number, and hangs up. I wonder if it's the woman of some man I have messed with, and she found my number calling it, thinking she is going to find some other woman...hmmm

4. What's up Jill Scott playing a 25 year older's mother in "Sins of My Mother" on Lifetime? Now granted I only watched the like the first 30 or 40 minutes of the movie, but still I don't get it. Jill is what in her mid to late 30s how is she playing the former alcoholic mother of someone in Grad school working on their doctrine. I mean I get how Jill has that whole matron momma look to her. She a big boned, big breasted black women, but does that make her the mother of someone 12 or so years younger than she is. Couldn't they give it to someone who could use an acting job lately...Robin Givens is trying to do more acting, She is older than Jill Scott. Loretta Divine plays mama's well. Lynn Wittfield could be some one's mama. I'm just saying it didn't feel like great believable casting.

5. Just because wearing a diaper as a grown man was cool, eccentric, and funkadelic in the 70s, does not mean it is today, especially if you are 55 years old? It just looks like you couldn't afford Depends, and lost your pants in the Greyhound bus station. The other week, I turned to Monique's show. Now I don't watch her show...at all! I tried the first few episodes, but couldn't stand it. She tries to hard, and it's not winning from her efforts either. Well, I turned to her show, to wait until Wendy Williams, show came on. That's right I actually like her show...not all of it but the first 20 minutes I enjoy. Anyway on this episode on Monique, she had funk legend George Clinton. Watching that reminded me about something another blogger Excitable Bore, wrote the other month about old singing legend needing to sit down somewhere, because their voices not being the same. I disagreed at the time, but poor George does. That whole performance was a mess to me. He was barely singing...He was just standing up their, looking like he had one foot into the nursing home yelling some incoherent phrases every 30 seconds; while his whole 20 piece crew sung and danced. One being some old dude from back in the 70's heyday, wearing a big cloth diaper. While this shirtless, and what appeared underwearless, low riding, bell bottom young guy with an Afro wig, the size of Rhode Island, was dancing sexually, and looks like he screws any gender with a hole. I'm not kidding, he looked like Studio '54 would have so been his place. He just looked like he had sex, at least once, in front of the whole Funkadelic crew...with what gender is in question. That whole crew look like they still are doing some LSD from '79. Meanwhile Monique was trying to dance the whole 5 minutes and looked winded, and again like she was trying too hard to dance. Like she was tryout to be on Soul Train with Don Cornelius. While Cornell West, American philosopher and civil rights activist, was dancing like he was auditioning for "House Party 9: Avenge of Kid N'Play."

Also, who wants to bet that George doesn't have that crazy hair sewed into his hair anymore? I think it's one huge wig to look like Funkadelic George Clinton hair. I mean that's understandable, who wants to walk around normally like that at his age. It's like Mister T, I once heard that now at his age, he does put on hundreds of chains, but wheres one big one to look like hundreds, except it has just one latch in the back. All about the appearance. However George Clinton's was tragic.

6. Okay, if I'm waiting patiently by the sample table at Costco, for the sample lady to ladle the Panera Bread Cheddar and Broccoli soup...YOU Do Not just walk up, with your dirty white fingers and pick up the next sample, while you look at me waiting. What do you think, I'm just standing their for my health? I mean don't we learn that in first grade, that we wait our turn. Then you going to stand there and look at me with you cock-eyed self. I don't care if your left eye is looking off into the butcher meat section, I know you see me giving you the stink-mean eye, with Both of my eyes.
Costco etiquette, if you see someone already standing there to get a sample, from the sample lady and she doesn't have a few sitting out on the tray, wait your turn to pick up a sample. DO Not just walk up and grab one and people are in line.

7. While we are on Costco etiquette...If the sample lady gives you in her best polite, yet attitude filled voice, that you should know whether or not you like something on the first sample, let alone on the 4th and 5th sample...then there is a a problem. While in Costco the same day as white dude snatching my cheddar and broccoli soup, these three black heifers are just standing around this one cart taking sample after sample, of these rotisserie wing-ettes. Saying stuff like..."Hmmm I just don't know if I like them or not, girl", and "Uh huh, I know what you mean. I need to try me another one just to figure it out". Each of them had a little pile of chicken bones in their hands. The sample lady is right I think you could figure it out that in sample one. It only took one wing-ette for me to know they were nasty and undercooked. I was so embarrasses to be black in that moment. I moved my basket as far away as possible, I didn't want the white people to think, that I had any relations to the other black people, especially, the crazy stereotypical chicken luuven black women.
The underwritten rule is...you take one, two the most samples. If you want another of the sample, walk away and around, try other samples, continue your shopping, then casually walk back for sample three. Four is the absolute Max of one particular sample, and you have to pick up a box or bag of whatever you kept sampling, and have it in your basket too. You Do Not just keep standing their eating like you at Golden Coral. This is not all you can eat. I just know those are the type of women who go to Panda Express asking for sample after sample of the Sweat and Sour Pork and Orange Chicken, then go to Sabarro, for a Supreme piece of pizza or Chick-Fil-A.

8. What happen to your local video stores? It seems that all the local video stores are becoming extinct. I mean the video stores are being replaced with Red Box's and Net Flicks. I guess no one goes to the movie store anymore. You remember when it use to be an experience. I found out that the last movie store besides Blockbuster is closing. I kinda find it sad, remember the days, when you just wanted to make it a movie night, and you went with a love one or a date, and just walked around together. Even though you saw it, and loved it, you wouldn't mind seeing it again, just to be there when they first saw it...and whatever. A whole store of old and new movies. Now granted I'm not sure when the last time I been in a movie store, it just feels sad, that they all seem to be closing.

9. Real sad part about movie stores closing...no more renting porn. It's true most movie stores, was the only place you could rent porn. Even though there still seems to be Blockbusters around, they don't have porn sections. I'm not talking about that soft core porn, where it's just women touching each other either, like they have at the top of the shelves. I'm talking about the hardcore XXX type porn, where you had to go into a separate quite section to view. Where there would be a pictures on the cover, of someone with a dick in their mouth and a title like "Phat Booty's Want Big Dicks 4." Even though you never saw PBWBD 1 thru 3, you could still pick up where they left off easily. Now granted, I haven't rented porn in a minute. I mean the movie store didn't even have my information anymore, it had been so long since I had been there, but it's sad that now I don't have the option.

While I was out at the mall shopping, I past by one of the last Movie Gallery, and it had big store closing signs. I decided to stop. I didn't even waste my time, in the regular section. I went straight to the porn. I really didn't see to much I wanted, however. I'm not really into white people porn, but wish black porn was like it. Maybe I'll will discuss that another day with you. I didn't see any good black or at least interracial gay either, or as they label it alternative. When I brought my one movie to the front in the secret white bag they give you in the Adult room, an older white gentleman about in his early 50s, in front of me, bought 13 porno's. It is weird to image him jacking secretly jacking off to that for the next month. He had a wedding ring on, but I get the feeling his wife wouldn't be watching it with him. He had that suburban PTA look to him, I bet his wife name was Barb too. Barb is going to have a mysterious sticky mess all over her house.

10. This is my first and last season of watching The Bachelor. I was highly disappointed, as most of America, People Magazine, US Magazine, Entertainment Tonight, and so on, about who the pilot picked. The big emotional crybaby picked the young, immature tramp over the nice sweet girl his family loved and America. His farewell was classic..."You are just too perfect of a woman, for me. There is just something missing." The something missing was she only had sex with one other man in her life, her ex husband. Like him, she wasn't going to have sex with him until marriage. Meanwhile the winner looks like she would be giving him a nice BJ, before the reunion special.

11. Speaking of reality television, and BJs...Did anyone watch Pep's show, "Let's Talk about Pep"? I loved the show! They had their Season finale recently. Even though, it didn't feel totally reality, but a little scripted, I loved it. They were trying to give off a little black Sex in the City, except real. Was anyone mad that with all the guys Pep hooked up with this season, she picked the Asian dude. I have nothing against Asian men, actually it is on my sex bucket list, but Tom was not a cute Asian. I'm sorry, but he wasn't. I would have definitely picked um...well none of her picks were spectacular, but I guess the football player whose hair caught on fire, was sorta cute. I mean my DL sense was buzzing, when I watched him, but he was a lot cuter than Tom. Something about the way Tom smiled and his eyes, made me nauseous. I mean I guess he would be good to be in a relationship with, but I know the sex wasn't going to be like no Treach sex. I love Jacque Reid, but what is up with homegirl being damn near 40 and never having an Orgasm in her life....and hating getting oral sex. Giving it is one thing, she don't exactly look like she hands those out freely, but on your birthday of a two year relationship, if you lucky, but hating to receive it too. I was speechless. Did she really think she was going to have an orgasm by going to an orgasm class for couples, and she went by herself? I thought it was hilarious when the orgasm guru, told the class it was now time to take your clothes off, and she bolted faster than Flo Jo out of there...Hello Jacque!!! It's an Orgasms class, how do you get an orgasm, but getting out of your Granny Panties!!! Maybe that's where she is going wrong..."Note to self take off draws, to h ave an Orgasms."

12. Did y'all here the rumors that "Iron Mike" Tyson and Evander "Damn are these all my children" Holyfield are slated to do a rematch? I find that to be a damn shame! Both of these negros are like in their mid 40's and yet they still trying to fight. It's all becasue they are both broke! Both of them have made milions on top of millions intheir career, and now broke trying, to pay child support, and trying to fight each other, for what? Who is goign to watch this if they did? I hope somethign juicy gets bitten off this time? Youknow juicier than an ear? Man that was a long time ago they fought...I think I just got into middle school when that happen I think.

13. Was going to be the story behind number 1., and how it relates to 2...However it not happening today...Becasue peopel tell me my post are tooo loongg now, so sorry.
I'm pissed I can't tell you! It was a big pissing off too!

I spent so much time talking about random stuff, I forgot to go back to discuss the senile old woman story, maybe I'll add it later to this post or the next post.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Cleaning Out My Closet


Update: I just realized thatmy first two paragraphs I wrote dissapeared. I don't know where my original first two paragraphs went, but this is is something about what I remember.

So lately I have been on a personally cleaning of my closet...no not that closet. The sexual closet is still closed up, bolted, and locked the hell up with a security system where you need a voice activator, a thumb print, and a blow job security pass. No, I have been cleaning out my personal clothing closet. That's not my closet above, but I wouldn't mind having a closet to look just like that, you know except for the leopard skin rug...I mean yikes, and that's a man's closet too. I bet Usher has a leopard skin rug in his closet, for some reason. I've been in a sort of early spring cleaning mood. Well, actually because of all the snowy weekends, we've had this year, may have more to do with me doing a lot of this cleaning and organizing. Just getting a lot of things straight and organized. My clothes, books, Cds, mail, junk everything. I once heard, if you get your outside organize and in order, other things in your life will fall into place and eventually the same will work itself out on the inside. So it's like a step into getting the chaos inside of me organized, my getting the chaos around me in order and in place.

Any who the blog closet...
I have been cleaning out my blog closet. I had so many blogs I've bookmarked over the years. I decided to clean them out. I had blogs that I haven't visited since I first started blogging. I decided to give them a reexamination, based of what they are writing now, and well some got the ole' heave ho! Like 10 blogs I made a special folder for them, the "Delinquent File." It's for those who haven't written a post in months, some close to a year. Either they forgot they had a blog or they have abandoned Blogger, for Tweeter or Faceplace. I have not done either thank you very much. I have gave you a great post either in a while, but I'm still haven't forgot about you. As some of the few readers I still have will let you know, I throw you an "I'm still alive" post every once in a while. Moving on, I cleaned it out deleted a few, or more like a lot. In the end I have set up new folders for all my blogs, that I still read. I have "Blogs," "New Blogs," "I'm Bored Blogs," "Image Blogs"...you know the blogs dedicated to just pictures of hot guys, and "Delinquent Blogs." Maybe I shouldn't reveal that but just letting you guys know. There are a lot of blogs I really love, yet don't comment on as much as I guess I should. If I don't have anything noteworthy to say I don't, but I guess I should still give them a shout out of love.

Clothing Closet...
It feels like my closet stays in a constant disaster zone. My dream closet would be everything in order and color coded. I got there a few times, but in no time it's back to ground zero. I have such nice hangers to for a perfect closet, nice wood hangers...No Wire Hangers!!!! Anyway my motivation was shirts. I had no clean dress shirts or button downs, because that's my casual style. I take them all out and it's like 25-30 shirts I need clean. It's been a long time if ever, I've been that bad on taking my shirts to the cleaners. I think to myself, I could take them to the cleaners or be economical, and wash them myself, because none of them say dry clean only, it's just what I've always done. I decide to buy a two different types of Woolite and wash them myself. No problem, they turn out good...that is until the ironing part. It takes me an hour to iron three shirts. Now I get iron the shirt when I'm ready to where them, but I usually like my stuff ready to where when, well when I'm ready to where them. Also the whole point is organization to have everything hung up, am I really supposed to hang wrinkled shirts. I decide to take all the shirts to the cleaners anyway, to be ironed. I figured I did my bit to save. Half the price of the normal clean is still good, to save me the time of not having to iron all those shirts. I get to one of my normal cleaners. I tell her I just wanted to have my shirts ironed. I have never brought something in just to have ironed, but knew they did that. She tags and writes me up my bill...Now my normal price per shirt is $1.75 a shirt, she writes up a bill where she charged me $2.50 a shirt. Of course I had to ask what was up with that. She informs me that to just iron the shirts is a flat fee of $2.50 per item. We go back in forth how that makes absolutely no sense to me and all the sense to her. In conclusion to just iron any item regardless of a dress shirt or formal gown is $2.50, and to get a shirt cleaned is $1.75 with a complimentary starch and iron. I guess it's a nice thing to know if I ever need my formal gown ironed on the cheap, but for a shirt is stupid. Even though to do more work on the shirt is cheaper, to just iron it will cost me more...ain't that some bull. I still don't know how that makes sense. She kept trying to talk me into cleaning them all over again for the $1.75. That didn't make sense either, especially since they were clean and Downy fresh now. In the end I just brought the home, and put them in a a drawer, wrinkled but clean.

Speaking of cleaners...I went by this one cleaners I go to, to pick up a sweater they had. While cleaning out my closet. I realized that a sweater of mine was missing, and realized that this cleaner had it. I found my cleaner slip in my car and go over to this cleaners. To my surprise they were closed...not for the evening...not for the weekend...not for the Sunday...not for the week, but for good. Please tell me how a cleaners just ups and closes, without notifying it's customers. I mean what exactly is the purpose of leaving your number with your clothing if, no one bothers to throw you a bone, of "Hey we closing down, you might want to pick up your stuff." No information at all on the building except a lease sign. I just stood there waiting, like someone was going to jump out and say hey just kidding we go your cloths.

While I was also cleaning out my closet I realized that I might have moths. I had these two dress pants hanging up, they I have never wore, because they had never been hemmed. They still had that extra foot of raw fabric on them, that some men's pants, come like from the store. I decide to get them hemmed, and notice these little tiny holes all over them. I do some further investigation, and I find more cloths with these tiny holes. Now that completely freaks me out, and I take ever piece of clothing out. Here's the thing I never found any bug or moth in the closet. Do moth holes actually come from Moths? Well, whatever it is, it's not going for the cheaper clothes either. It's going for the cashmere and silk wool items. This one camel color cashmere sweater...lord knows I hated that sweater. It was a very itchy sweater. I HATED it, but I would have liked to give it away to someone who needed it or Goodwill or something, but now it looks like Swiss cheese. I'm not joking it has little itey bitey holes all over it. Now the last thing I would want to do is get moth balls. They have such a strong spell, and I don't think I could deal with that smell on a regular at all. I have been around people who spell like moth balls, and that it's cute. I'm not sure if you have been around someone who uses a lot of moth balls all over their house, but even their food taste like moth balls. I went to Walmart, and got instead cedar balls and blocks. I guess my clothes will smell like a cedar chest, but I think that's better than moth balls. Sorry for those people still rocking the moth balls.

Cleaning out the car...
I decided to clean out my car as well. I have an SUV, and I have come to the realization, that the bigger the car, them more junk you can fill in it. A kid I know asked me a question when I was going through my car trying to find something. He asked me, do I use my car as a closet. At first I thought he was making a joke, but he was dead serious. To be honest sometimes I do. Yeah I have change clothes and sweat shirts in my car. Either just in case shirts, or shirts I have changed out of. I have changed completely in my car. If you ever see a thick nigga in a SUV changing clothes at the stoplight, it's me. Usually I don't clean my car out unless I am actually taking it to be cleaned or visiting Von. Even then I just thrown it all on the third row or cargo area. I take out my clothes and hats when going to see Von, because he always wants to borrow crap from me. Funny thing in all the cleaning of my car and closet; I found two shirts and a pair of draws that belong to him. Here's the thing he don't be over my place like that to be leaving things so I don't know how I got them. The draws I remember...he left them in my car accidentally...Not going to elaborate, just let your imagination run with that one.

Books and Cd's...
I had about 250 to 300 CD's. I decided to really get them in order and straight. But them in the right case, because I think for some it has been years since they have seen the original case. Basically I do this to try to figure out what CD's have been borrowed from me and not returned. My cousin borrowed like 10 or 15 CD's from me over the course of a year, a while back. When him and is girlfriend broke up, uh he let her have keep all the CD's including the ones he borrowed from me. Who does that? Yeah that might seem like the nice thing to do, if they were yours or you bought them together, but he didn't and t hey didn't! I called her, apparently she don't know where they are at now. Some people just have no respect for other peoples things. When I borrow anything I treat it like it's mine. Apparently I can't get the same respect. I have made a new rule no borrowing of my CDs. See the thing is. When he borrowed them, not all of the CD's were in the right case, and he took some CD's out of their case and put them together in one case, so he wouldn't have to carry all the case. So I don't know what he had or what it's in. All he can remember from the 15 CDs, is a Common CD, an Aaliyah CD, Bobby Valentino CD. I had the cases to all of those, but no CD, so I don't know what he carried them out in.

In the end, I'm currently left with 40 or 50 empty CD cases. Now I have a CD carrier somewhere, but I can't find it. Until I find it, I can't narrow down what is missing officially. The big question to me is where is the cases to 15 0r 20 CDs. I know he can't have had them all.

I got all my books in order to, took them from all over the house. Now I love Hardback. I hate paperback. If I can help it, I don't buy paperback, however hardbacks are certainly space consuming let me tell you that. I realize from a cover sleeve that a book is missing. I call the person up, and apparently they either lost the book, when the moved or she lent it to someone and can't remember who...uh, no lending up books as well in the future, I see. At least she offered to replace it.

My personal blog...
There is so much reorganizing and things I want to do with this blog, but haven't done yet. First the overall layout and format I have wanted to change forever, but can't seem to. There is this one that I really want but blogger will never let me work it out. For someone who took Cisco for two years, I'm so computer illiterate. So for in the meantime, I have decided to change my intro picture at the top of the blog. Now this is the exactly view and skyline I see on many of the stories and adventures and guys I've talked about on this blog. So here's a picture as a back drop of all the madness of my DL lifestyle.

I think I'm also changing my name again. The last time I changed it, was when Michael Jackson died, and I changed it as a tribute, if no one figured it out. It is my personal favorite songs of his. As I'm finishing up this blog, I don't know exactly what it will be yet, but I will figure it out at the last minute. I'm just tired of this YB&DL's Bad PYT In the Closet at Heartbreak Hotel, and besides it rarely fits into the comment section on certain bloggers blogs.

Lastly I have several unfinished blogs, that I never published, doubt I would now, but who knows, I might finish them and publish them regardless of their current reverence.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Pictoria Editorial Wednesday-Fantasia

Okay...Yes I know it's been a minute since I posted a real post and this is the first for the year, but hear is something to hold you over until I write a real post. One of my favorite performers hands down has to be Fantasia. That's why I want to dedicate a Pictorial Editorial Wednesday to her. Now I had actually sent some of these pictures to another blogger to post on their blog, last fall I believe. Yeah I know what you are thinking...how can you tell another blogger what to put on their blog. Well, Mister Jones of Surrealistically Speaking, had these real awful pictures of Fanny looking like a Sweaty Ghetto Mess, while performing. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I believe it was something on the lines of, "Why does Fantasia always look a mess." Now that may be true uh 50 percent of the time, it's not always true...oh who am I kidding more like 60 maybe even 75 percent of the time. Here are a few pictures taken by celebrity photographer, Atlanta's Derek Blanks. I think she looks amazing. I wish this was the Fantasia we could always get.

So last Monday, premiered the debut episode of Fantasia's new reality show on VH-1, called "Fantasia So Real." Yes, I know what you are thinking, do we really need another reality show...um I'm going to go out on a limb...and say not really. However I get it. It's a way for certain stars to keep their name out their or to put their name BACK out there, if they been gone for a minute. It works for some people are talking about Kandi Burgess from Escape, when she joined "Desperate Housewives of Atlanta." It worked for Monica on her reality show, although I didn't watch it, not sure who actually watched that one either. I watched one episode, she was kinda of boring. It worked also for Tiny of Escape in "Tiny and Toya"...for Pepa from Salt N'Pepa...and so on and so forth. So I get why Fantasia did it. To get people to talk about her, before her new album drops. I think it was a decent idea. Her family is basically another Keyshia Cole family. Her Neiffe and Frankie is her brother Teeny. He's that ghetto mess family that is mooching off her. He will be that talked about character on her show.


Here's the thing. I think Fantasia is an underrated artist. I know she isn't for everybody I get it. I realize not everyone likes her. However I'm always rooting for her. Whenever I see her perform, I get excited, but I silently hope please pull back on the screaming, it's not necessary. It's no secret Fantasia screams...a lot. I think she has a nice voice, when she isn't doing the screaming thing. I get it, she from the church, and some of those who grew up in Pentecostal church, think that screaming is the all way to move your audience and stir their soul. I wish someone would tell her to pull it back and leave it in the church, sometimes.
Now I'm going to post, one of my absolute favorite Fantasia Moments, is this UNFC Tribute to Patti Labelle. Out of all of the performers that night, Jennifer Hudson, Letoya Luckett, Yolanda Adams...uh I can't remember the other performers...Fantasia without a doubt stole the whole show with this performance. Poor Letoya, I don't know whose idea was it for her to sing a Patti Labelle song, but she was struggling. She might do all right with her singles on her albums, but performing live isn't for everyone. Jennifer Hudson, did all right. This was aired in the Fall of 2008, right during her whole family saga, with her family murders. I remember thinking this had to be taped a week or two before all of it happened. I believe she did "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and something else. Anyway no one out performed Fantasia that night. Now if you can't watch this at work, then watch it at home, if not there then at a friends house, library, hell go to Kinkos and watch it, because whatever your opinion on her, good or bad, you will love this. I really haven't met anyone who didn't like this performance. I know some people who can't stand Fantasia, but they had to give her probs on this one. I think she did the best in capturing Patti in this performance. If there was every a docu-picture on Patti Labelle, I think Fantasia should play her. All I have to say is catch point 2:11. That's when I have to throw the towel down and walk out the room, because I'm no good. I'm not going to spoil why, but I will give you one hint Jamie Foxx is not the only singer she has kissed in the mouth, while singing!



Anyway back to our regularly schedule program. Anyway on her reality show, she basically says the same thing Monica said on her first episode. Wrong moves and decision on her last album was made, and that they want to get it right on this album. Now Monica chopped it up to the wrong first single and other things. Fantasia chopped it to poor promotion. I find it ironic both were on the same label at the time. Anyway, I think Fantasia needs to realize her mistake was the wrong singles and videos, plain and simple. I actually like her last album, more than her first really. Just the wrong singles. Now I'm not going into that, but "Hood Boy" was the wrong first single. Maybe more like the third, but not first. There is one song on the album I thought would have been a great single "I Nominate U." It's a very sexy song about nominating you for best lover award. I can picture a hot sexy music video with her in something like this with the red dress and the harp. I think that her last album was just underrated, it is one of my favorites.
Here is one little inside unknown fact. Keyshia Cole's "Let It Go," from her second album featuring Lil' Kim and Missy was originally recorded by Fantasia with Missy Elliot, but was dropped from the album, and later snapped up by Keyshia Cole. Just think what that song could have done for that album.

I think she looks good here. I see red bottom on the soles...you know what that means...Louboutins. Isn't that right, Quincy? I learned from you. In my opinion she looks beat... I think I used that word correctly.
I think it all comes down to poor choices. I think Fantasia just makes bad decisions. Poor decisions from Finance, to Family, to Business moves like missing 50 shows when The Color Purple was on Broadway, to Love Life (She done stole a man from his wife recently, he worked at T Mobile at the time), to style and hair choices. Let's take a look at some of these poor hair choices.



Look at that mess. This is what distracts people from her talent. That mess. It is that Simpleton crap that makes you think she needs a Life Coach, someone to tell her how to live her life. Because obviously she doesn't have someone in her life to tell her, "Fanny...baby...your whole head being red, ain't for everybody. You is a little bit to brown skin for that one!" Yes, I said it! Hell it's not for all light skin people, hell no not for her complexion. She got 6 people living in her house not one could tell her the skunk look isn't in, you ook like a fool going to the Grammy's with that. You are an American Idol, not Bama Idol. For you who don't know what Bama means, where I'm from that's when you are not only Ghetto, but Country too.

See I can go for this hairstyle. She needs the people who styled her for this shoot on a regular basis...Hair by Deaudra Metzger, celebrity stylist Shun Nelson, make-up artist Saisha Beecham, and nails by Terrence Terry.






I usually love black and white,but this is my least favorite from the shoot. Although I don't think she plays the harp, nor the trumpett, let alone the tuba. Can y'all picture her in somebody's marching band, doing the Fantasia strut,playing the tuba.

F.Y.I. did y'all know she hadn't gotten her GED yet? I thought she got that years ago, when she wrote the book and made the movie of her life. She supposedly gets it on her show. What has she been doing all this time?!