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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Pictorial Editorial Wednesday: Baby, you seen my purse?..I'm late for hoops with the guys.

Now I haven't done a Pictorial Editorial Wednesday in a while. I haven't done many post in a while, but I haven't done a P.E. Wednesday in a minute. Anyway I need a good laugh when I can get it. However the other night I stumbled over a set of pictures. I could not stop laughing from picture one to picture 25. I had to bring this on my blog and talk about it. So apparently one of the hottest trends that is emerging in Hollywood, is heterosexual men carrying purses. That's right you read correctly purses...I'm sorry correct Murses (Man purse= Murse) I don't know what is more freakier, the guys using the bags, or the word "Murse."

Let's analyze this for a moment. I will admit, that there has been times, when I have had so many things in my pocket, where perhaps I needed a little something, something. I have moments, even recently where I have Cell phone, wallet, keys, checkbook, different from wallet, loose change, gum and/or breath mints, and depending on the season, chap stick. no my pockets don't look like I'm happy to see anyone, just that I'm swollen around the thighs. Then there are days where all I got is my keys and a credit card, and I'm good to go.

Now before I went through my opinions I had to of course, get the opinion, of One of my favorite bloggers Quincy "Q" Jones of Purveyor of All Things Appropriately Inappropriate. He is currently on hiatus from his blog for the summer. He wanted me to let everyone know, he will be back the end of the month...I bet probably not before Labor Day. The fabulous Quincy had to take a break for the summer, because I'm guessing he spent it in Martha's Vineyard, The Hamptons, or just had so much going on with the Real Housecunts of DC...and NO I spelled it right Housecunts, that's what he calls his crew. I do listen to him. On his blog he once mention how awful and out of style men's square toe dress shoes were. Since I had a few square toe dress shoes, Every new dress shoe I have gotten so far, has been either round or pointed. I try not to wear the square ones anymore except these cognac gator ones I love. I don't think I would every meet Quincy, because he probably would rip me a new one, of what I had on, from head to toe...Not to my face of course...He has manners!!!.

Anyway I thought he would have fun with this topic, especially with the different pictures. I was prepared to laugh my butt off, but to my surprise I was wrong. To my ignorance Men wearing bags is no laughing matter. It must not go into lightly. A man must know what he is doing. Here's what he had to say....

Hey babes,

Wow! Murses are a touchy subject. While I do have a couple, the key is having one the "right" size. It should either be really small (like the Louis one pictured below), or it has to be gargantuan (like the ones I carry, and the Birkin Pharrel has). The whole mid/sized murse gets a little touchy because it starts to look like a man is carrying a handbag. You have to know your proportions. A man is bigger, so the bag should be larger 1. to endure that it doesn't make one look extremely gay, and 2. so aesthetically it matches the body size. Oversized or very small is always better. All of the guys below are doing it right! I love Kanye for that Mirwais Louis!
-Courtesy of Quincy Jones

Where do I begin? Here's the thing it's not just a couple of guys rocking this style. This whole trend, completely went over my head. I'm like where have I been. Anyway I'm going to start with I suppose the smallest bags, and that would have to be...
Terrance "Hold My Clutch" Howard.

I get it, don't get me wrong. It's a fashion statement. He secure in his manhood, it's about fashion. It's a must have accessory. I would appreciate Terrence and his clutch, if...I thought he actually had something in it. I don't think the brother got squat in it. It looks really light and empty in his hands. However let's say for giggles, he does have something in there, I'm going to go with...hmm I'm not trying to be funny, but really tampons. I swear I feel like he is carrying his lady's tampons in his clutch, because they won't fit into hers...Here baby put your "pearls" in my clutch, if you feel Aunt Flow coming, during the awards...

Next is Cristiano "Is He or Is He Not" Ronaldo


Too easy. Some of you might be wondering who this is, if you like me, I had to google him. This is Cristiano Ronaldo, the world's highest paid football player, but to us in the good ole U.S. of A., he is the world's highest paid soccer player. He has played around in a lot of places I saw cities like Madrid, Portugal, and United Kingdom. Where he is playing now, I'm not sure or care, but I saw quotes of him making like over 100 million or something. He's making real bank. He was recently linked to be dating Kim Kardashian. They claim to be just friends, you know I believe them. Even though he more paid than even Reggie, not sure I see Kim going from Reggie to Cristiano. He recently became a father...surrogate hmm Ricky Martin. Anyway I hair gel...hmm nail polish, just because I hear that when his feet are not in football cleats he like his toes glossy...a bottle of Nair for men, for emergency hair removal, because I hear he like a clean slate.
All kidding aside, he's European and foreign and they have a different standard than us. They are less inhibited. I just think that if he didn't always carry his bag underneath his arm like that, it would be okay. However I get it though. He is a Soccer player...He is not use to using his hands, so underneath the arm like Julia Sugarbaker is.

Sometimes though a picture ISN'T worth a thousand words, and is taken out of context. Maybe his bag pictures were too. Like this one......I had too!

Continuing in our "Small Bag" category
Bow "No Pun Intended" Wow.
When Bow Wow isn't around town promoting future BET movie classics like "Lottery Ticket," or starring future Madea movies...not making music...making a fool of himself on twitter...or around town with, on again, off again, girlfriend Angela Simmons; Bow Wow likes hang out around town with his Louis Vuitton bag. I'm guessing a Nintendo DS whatever...Vaseline, for what he tells people are for his new tats, he just got, but really is for his lips...and Listerine mouth strips. I feel like there is nothing original about his bag, because...

NBA player Jason Richardson

NBA player Ricky Davis

NBA player Stephon Marbury

NBA player Kenyon Martin

They might as well call this the "NBA Louis bag", because it seems to be the bag of choice for many ballers. Since Bow Wow always wanted to be a baller, I guess it's fitting that he carries this bag. Hands down Condoms and Lube in them all. Why does Kenyon Martin look like he carries weed, an Ipod, and a gun in his bag?

Speaking of weed...Next up is Snoop "Beauty Shop Knock-off" Dogg.Okay let's not pussy foot. He looks a hot ass mess in this picture. I mean his bag looks like he got it from Roscoe the "Bag Man" at Beauty Salon, who always telling the ladies it's real Louis Baitton or real Koach bags, that he got in New York real cheap. Snoop's bag looks cheap, but goes nicely with his blue shower cap. There is no question, what's in his bag...weed...weed...cheetos...some more weed...HoHo's...Doritoes...and pink cushion hair rollers.

Lupe "Your Bag is a Fiasco" Fiasco
All I have to say on this is, at least the color isn't awful. It's original unlike wannabe baller Bow Wow. I feel he would have old cough/throat lozengers...dirty old tissues, that he would use to spit on and wipe the shmutz you got on your face...eye class repair and cleaner kit...wet wipes, for when he has to do number two in public restroom...and old coupons in his old man hand bag.

Seal "You Are the Baby's Daddy"...Klum?
Seal looks like he took a step back into 1994. He needs to give back Synclair from Living Single, her purse back. His wife is Heidi Klum. One of the today's last supermodels, host of Project Runway, judge of Germany's Next Top model, and yet her husband walking around looking like that, with a purse across his chest, like he got a Blossom hat in his car. Maybe it's because those old wrangler shorts he got on won't fit all of don't even know what Seal would carry. He needs to carry condoms, as fertile as Heidi is. I know he needs to carry a bottle of Afro Sheen and a comb for those mops, that him and Heidi call their children's hair. Everytime I see them, they look like "Momma Do My hair paleaseeee! I think with all those kids they have he really needs to invest in a much bigger bag, to carry little bags of Cherrios, Goyurt, juice boxes, emergency pull ups, and once again condoms, for those spare of the moment sex in the afternoon moments with Heidi. I feel like he is banging htehell out of her every chance he gets, with those rugrats. He needs to carry a bag like...

Jay-Z "The Man Bag Blueprint" Carter

Now some may call this a backpack, however when you are Jay-Z and pay God knows how much for this Man Bag. He's too cool to wear it over his shoulder like he's in high school. Of all the bags, I think I like his the most. This too me is a real Man's bag. I imagine Money...a year supply of chap stick...a laptop...lotion...and a pair of Beyonce's draws, that she wore for a day and left in his bag; for those lonely nights when she is on the road and they Skype sex.

Phareell "Bitch My Bag is Badder Than Yours" Williams

Here's the thing...I get it that he might be worth I think over I read over 75 million dollars. That he is a trendsetter and whatnot. I feel though the Birkin is so synonymous with female socialites celebrities and whatnot, why go there? I get it, it's a status symbol. I get it, instead of putting it on your girl's arm, you like, "Bitches, I'm gonna rock this!" I'm not mad at you for that. My whole thing is dude, you couldn't find a blue, neutral color, or something. I'm sorry but the purple and the loud ass orange has got to go. I guess we can say at least he doesn't have it on the hook of his arm elbow.

Last but certainly not Least Kanye "Shrug It's My Bag" West

If a man was to carry a "Murse" or man bag, Kanye knows how to do it. Now Some may say it looks like a duffle bag, some say it's a handbag, either way I like it. To me on him it looks very grown and sexy. I wouldn't mind rocking that to the gym, on the airplane...umm to anywhere. What would little Kanye West have in his bag...hmmm...Magic Shave left over from his relationship with Amber Rose...KY Jelly...a mouth Choke ball...a Bible...the Kama Sutra...and No Blood diamonds.

That's our Pictorial Editorial Wednesday: Murse Edition.
Becareful and advized, when you buy your Man bag. You don't want to be caught dead in the locker room with the same handbag as your nigga.


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Anonymous said...

LOL @ this whole post!

I'm not a fan of man purses. Purses are for women. I don't, Snoop and Stephon Marbary are carrying purses.

I think only JayZ and Kanye got it right.

Inside Jamari Fox said...

It seems man bags are the new "in" thing. I see it coming into style but a lot of the hood boys are condemning it.

.... but they stay on the corner and the only bags they know are ones with "25 - life" in them.

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MsALWalker said...

OMG, I love your blog. The pictorial was eye-opening for me. Who knew so many men carried murses? (Which I always thought murse=male nurse, but anyway...) You might like this book called Murder on the Downlow, if you're into legal thrillers. I'm glad I happened upon this blog, and I'll be back!

Addy said...

This is a wonderful and good post which you have share with us. It is some laugh able pictures. specially i laugh at Cristiano Ronaldo picture. butterfly