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Saturday, February 12, 2011

What's Right, What's so much Wrong...My Answer to Question 2

Well moving from the last post, which apparently didn't go by to well, I am coming to a quick new post. After much thought and consideration this past week, I have decided...That I'm NOT sorry about a damn thing. I had started to feel bad about certain comments, but I'm not. F*ck it. I decided that I going to say whatever comes to my mind, without regret. That's personally big for me, because I live a lot in regret. I'm not going to regret anymore comments, at least. Baby steps people. So new blogs or old, I'm going to be me, if you don't like, delete my comment. It's YOUR problem, not mine. Now on my last post, I said I was going to return all emails, that was sent to me, over the past couple months. One of my emails, was a request of a former lurker, and now occasional commenter, J. Antoinne. In his email, which I must say he mentioned, "I have enjoyed reading your posts; even the ones that may reflect negatively on you. I say that because they're just real." Negatively? I have no idea what you are talking about sir, I'm always a perfect angel. Yep, sticking behind that statement too. Anyway his request was for me to finally answer his Q&A question, from way back when. I think I only got 3 questions, and only answered one. And yes, before Realhustla bites my head off, I know she has one question I haven't answered either. I will get to yours in due time.

Anyway J.Antoinne question is:
Do you ever have the fear that someone would out you, given the right/wrong circumstances?

First of all, let me say this, I'm not exactly sure what the right circumstance is What is the right circumstance in being outed? "Yeah you called my mother and told her I suck dick, Oh boy...Yeppie"
I mean I really can't figure out what a right way would be. I can see plenty of wrong ways, but I truly can't see a right way, other than me. I think that is the only right way to be outed, is by doing it myself. I mean it possibly can be a good thing in the aftermath of others knowing. It can be a freeing and liberating experience. Not worried about lying or cover things ups. Everyone knowing who you really are.
Then on the flip side I know it could be a devastating act if done wrong, as well. Let me give up a real life example. I know of one DL man, whose live in boyfriend outed him out to his estranged wife and parents after he broke up with him. His wife took the kids and finally filed divorce. His relationship with his parents are very strained, even though it happen a couple years ago.his boyfriend had actually been holding that over his head for sometime. He was a man of his word, when he told him that if he broke up with him, he would destroy him. I will give yo the long version one day. Anyway the last time I saw him, he was...hmph well skin and bones. His looks are...well I'm not going to say gone, but he doesn't look like he did when I first met him. His face was sunken in, a little bit. This is of course due to his drug use after the reaction to his family and friends, because most thought it was just his roommate. At least that is what he has told me. He told me, that he just couldn't coup. It's someone I have actually talked about once, I think early on in my blog life. I saw him early last year, I think it was, he wanted to do "something," and I just couldn't. My arm brushed up to his, and it was creepy. I mean he was clean, hair cut fresh, and cloths fresh, but I can feel that he was still struggling, with his life. I'm not saying being outed, it what made him a drug addict, but it certainly didn't help. He wasn't a drug addict when I met him. My point is that there is a good side and a bad side of the aftermath of being outed.

I don't think there is a right way of the process of being outed, other than doing it yourself. I think any information like that, is better coming from the person it's about. It to me would never be good coming from someone else. While we are on it, I actually can't stand people, who think it's there duty to other people. Who gives you the right? Who appointed you... I know whatever...keep your f*cking trap shut, if it isn't you who you are outing. You remember the young Rutgers Student who got outed, online, by his college roommate. I think it was in the fall, I'm not exactly sure of the whole story, but I know the outed young guy killed himself. In the end, it's someone's life you are messing with. Even the bible says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit." I take from that, is be careful what you say about others, because your words have huge impact.

Now back to the initial question, of do I fear being outed, blah blah right/wrong circumstance.....hmm I don't know...Yes, No...little of both. I guess I was really more fearful, when I first started getting with men. The first few years, I guess I was very fearful. I don't know if I'm so much fearful, now...or at least as much, as I use to be. As you can tell I'm fearful of being outed in the wrong way or fashion, but the act itself, hmph. I've had some close calls. I have had two or three close calls. I'm always cautious, well in revealing myself to the guys I get with. I'm very cautious to be exact. Hopefully I have good karma in that department. I try to take certain preliminary steps, to eliminate to many cases of being outed. However we all make mistakes, and it could happen. I just hope and pray, I would be a place in my life, where I could handle it emotionally and spiritually. I'm scared of the aftermath. Plain and simple.

You really should write and complete things as it comes to you, because I started this two days ago, but something came up. I feel like I had more to say on this question, but I'm empty on the subject, right now. Sorry, if more comes to my mind I will write about it.

What do you guys think of me playing a new song on my blog, to go with every post? I kind of like it, I feel there is a song truly for every occasion.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Email Call!

So today I got a email, from a blogger friend, of mine. Usually our emails are fun, and I'm always excited to hear from them. However...hmm...this was a different kind of email. The subject title was, "Your Comments." I'm not even going to lie, that could go any way. I never know what that could mean, because I do say some...thangs. I will just leave it at that. They are all not "choir boy" commentary...I will elaborate in a minute. Anyway I open the email, and unfortunately it wasn't about how witty, wonderful, sexy and fun my comments are. It was about two recent comments I made on two different blogs. Well, it was about how my two comments were considered or viewed as being RUDE...


O...kay...let me say I by no means, did I mean for my comments to be rude. That wasn't my intention, at all. I was simply saying what was on my mind, in what I thought was a fun, perhaps outrageous way. You know what I don't even think it was all that outrageous. But that's just me. The email went on to say, how not everyone gets my "brand" of comments...their exact words. They went on tell me, how someone on twitter mentioned something to them about my comments. Twitter, y'all!
I don't even have a twitter account, but I'm being talked about how poor taste my comments are on it. They responded to them, that it's just my kind of "cheeky" comments...yep, "cheeky." Do you know what cheeky means? I found two definitions of cheeky. First someone who is playful with their interaction, but more-so on the risque or "naughty" side, or someone who gives others a hard time, but does so good naturally and with no hard feelings. The other is plain ole offensively bold. I guess I'm the latter of the two. They went on to tell me that although they get me and understand it wasn't my intentions, they understand how it was rude. Anyway after reading the email, I felt horrible. It's like your favorite teacher, scolding you about your bad behavior in class, and they are disappointed in your behavior.

Here is the back story. The blog friend had a very simple post about how they had an interview on another blog about their new natural hair regimen. Okay let me say this...I personally find the whole talk about natural hair a little boring, BUT I went to the natural hair blog, to support the interview and my blog friend. I read the blog, and I decided to comment, to let them know I stopped by and read the blog. Perhaps I did loose my way int he comment section. Maybe I should have just wrote
something like, "Great hair, Awesome!" or "You go...Girl" I mean that's a thought. Oh, who we kidding, that's not my style. I can't remember exactly what I said. I write what's on my mind and in the moment of just reading the post. Plus I wrote it like at 1 in the morning. I truly don't remember exactly what I said. I think overall I mentioned what was the end results, what was their goal. What was the purpose of the going natural? How I thought the purpose was to not be tied to a beautician chair every week or every other week. It does seem to me that the natural seems like more work and time, than permed and relaxed hair. I did ask, what I thought was a very reasonable question. What does this natural hair do for your sex life? At least I think that's what I said, because I'm not sure. Some of you may be curious why not just go to the blog and read what I wrote. Well, my comment has been deleted, by the blog owner. I from the bottom of my heart, don't know what I said, that was worthy of my comment being deleted. Maybe I was a little disrespectful, to their "natural" way of life. Here's the main thing about ME, I don't comment on a post, unless I haves something to add to the post or discussion. I'm not good at writing superficial comments.

You know what, you got a public blog for god sake. Stop being so Damn thin skinned and sensitive. What do you want?...A bunch of "yes" people, coming to your blog. Why don't you have a monitored comment section. Why have a comment section at all, if you are not willing to hear more than one side to a subject. People disagree completely with post of mine, sometimes the entire blog, my way of life. I have gotten emails and comments telling me these things. Yet, I have not deleted any comments. It's about sharing personal experiences and personal views on different subjects. You have yours I have mine. Try have a open discussion on it. Try answer some interesting question. The only time I deleted someones comments, was they kept leaving comments of how I was spreading aids, with my lifestyle and I was the cause of black women having aids. It was like 19 of the same comment in multiple posts of mine. I don't nor have I ever done any of that. I guess her blog was only geared to one type of person. A woman with a natural. All I have to say is write a post about the benefits of having a natural hair style, and your sex life, and people will pay attention.I mean men do like that. A guy is cool with their woman wearing a wig or having a weave, sometimes, it gives them the illusion of having sex with someone new, but at the end of the day a man loves having sex with a woman, who is cool with them being able to run their hands through their girls hair, as they are hitting it, without catching tracks, or the wig coming off.

I will say this...A girl with a weave, would have laughed it off and kept it moving. Even a stuck up , evil weave wearing heifer, after a couple of drinks, is a lot of fun. All this confusion about my comments, just reinforce what I had to say. Girls, with natural hair, and I don't mean "Swimmer" or I know this is bad, but "Good Hair." I feel like a girl you is going "natural," is always the non fun one at the party. They are usually the bores. Everyone knows Wilona and wigs was the fun one, Florida was the snooze.

Now I will say comment on the blogger friends blog, was a little over the top. You be the judge.
TheBlogArtistFormerlyKnownAsYBandDL said...

I wrote what I had to say on the interviewer's blog, but I will say this. That last blog made me very sad, but I have seen death like this in the recent year, so...I almost am numb these things now.

My point is, talk a lot about your hair lately. Do you have a man now?...Has your hair taken the place of having a man? You talk a lot about your hair, and that damn Michael Jackson game...when is the last time you been dicked down?

You need to get a man to dust off your punany. Tell us how your hair holds up, when he is pulling on it, during a heated screw.

I will be waiting on that post.
Go get drunk with some of your weave friends, and go to one of your country Arkansas clubs, and take some pictures.

All I have to say is the natural and your natural gal pals have been a bore lately. You need to hook up with some of your perm friends. They know how to have fun. You can't tell me me a good weave friend, don't know how to party.

I do sorta feel like a dog who peed on the carpet. I feel ashamed like I just been hit on the nose with a rolled of newspaper. Perhaps I was wrong for the things I wrote.

But look, I walk around all day long, being politically correct, and saying the right thing. Holding back what I really want to say to folks. I guess I have to do that now in my blog world. I don't know who to be even in this world. Moving on...This portion wasn't suppose to be this long.
Anyway, getting this email, has motivated me to do something, well over due.I am going to email back everyone who has emailed me in the last couple months. I feel really bad, and it was on my mind lately. My email will be both current and address the time it was sent. So if you sent me a Christmas email. You will get a Merry Christmas, and an early Happy Valentines Day. I'm giving myself a week to send them out. So expect one from me. I'm even going to send an email, to the natural hair Blogger, to apologies if I offended her, and the rest of the Naturals.
I'm going to make a vow, that in the upcoming year, I will be better and responding to lurkers, blogger friends, and frequent commentators of my blog's email.