Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I’m wondering now if this post is meant for me not to write. I have written it a couple times now. The first time I wrote it, and was almost finished, and about to transfer it from my computer to Blogger. Right before I was about to transfer it, I got my first computer virus ever. I didn’t realize that’s what it was at first. Some things wouldn’t work, I let a friend check it out, and it turns out to be a virus. Let the anti- virus skip a few days, and I sho-nuff got a virus. Long story short, wiped everything out. I tried writing this again. I wrote it once again on my laptop, the battery was running low, after writing. I was almost finished, and didn’t feel like getting the battery charger, at that moment. My computer died. I went and got the charger, and everything was gone. Before the virus, if my battery died. I would get the charger; it would bring up anything, right where I left off. Now everything is gone. Why these things keep happening when I’m about to finish. The thought of writing it again, seemed very daunting, and you know how long my posts are too. Anyway, here we go again. I’m trying to finish this before the month of May ends, since this happened on Mother’s Day.
You know how some things unconsciously become traditions, and you not, even mean for it to happen. You do something, you like it once, you do it again. You enjoy it that time as, well, and the next thing you know you somehow have developed a tradition. I’m not exactly sure when it happens, but me and my mother have developed a tradition on Mother’s Day, of going to brunch. I love a good brunch. I know how some love the mixing of breakfast with lunch items. I think I love the excuse to eat breakfast later, in the day. I especially love Hotel brunch buffet. To this day, I believe the Hyatt has the best. In that no matter what city you are in, it is a guarantee going to be, good. Not necessary the best in what they offer or how they prepare, but consistent great quality. Anyway, this year was nothing different. I did wait until the last minute to make reservations, however this year. Most of the hotels, I called, were booked up, for Mother’s Day brunch. It’s obviously a big day for people to take their mothers to; I mean nothing says “I love you, Mom,” like an omelet bar and cheesecake. I mentioned it to my mom, and she mentioned, a hotel, that we have never been to for brunch, ever. I did meet someone once there at the bar, for drinks, but never ate there. I called them, and them, and they had an opening. Here’s the thing, my gut really wasn’t into going to brunch this year. The last few times, we went to brunch on a holiday, I wasn’t the biggest fan. I didn’t mention it, because like I mentioned, it has sort of become our tradition.
This Mother’s Day started off weird, from jump. First of all, Mother really didn’t feel like going to church, this Mother’s Day. Her not wanting go to church, is weird for a holiday. She just wasn’t in the mood. Then, well I had to go take care of an errand, that I had scheduled for that Sunday, I had to well go visit someone in jail. That’s right, you read correctly. I would have skipped it, and saw them another fay, but some things were going on in jail, that I had to go see about. It’s a very long story that I might write about another day. The next thing, my cousin couldn’t come down to have Mother’s Day with my aunt, so she came down, and had Mother’s Day, with us. The morning I had, I really wasn’t in the mood to go, to this brunch, but I went anyway. Sometimes you really need to go, with your instincts.
We get to the hotel, and even though, they have our reservations, they have us wait 20 minutes to seat. Apparently our table wasn’t ready. Why I don’t know, since have the dining room was empty. Now when I called to make the reservations, I asked what some of the items on the menu were for the brunch. There were a list of things, the girl ran down, for me. The two that sealed it for me, was the rack of lamb. I hadn’t had lamb in a minute, so I was excited. Let me paint a picture of the room. There are dining tables all over the room, with linen table clothes. In the far right of the room are tables of lined stainless steel chaffing trays sitting on pillows of gathered linen, sitting on tables, with flat linen. In one corner, there is am omelet station. In another corner, there is a desert station, with an ice sculpture, and a chocolate fountain. Beside the dessert station there is a cheese station. When I go up to the meat station, all I see is a big ham, being sliced, and a big slab of roast beef. I asked one of the guys at the meat station, where was the lamb. He informs me, there is no lamb. I was confused, and upset at that revelation. I then regroup, and go for my next brunch favorite; a nice hot made for me, Belgium waffle. I then asked someone, to point me to the Belgium waffle station. That’s when again I get a look of confusion, from someone who works there, as in “What are you talking about?” I am informed, there is no waffle station. Desperation, is grasping me. I then quickly ask, “Pancake?”…No… “Thick French Toast?”… Sorry, no sir. Devastated now, I asked “Well, what do you have?” She escorts me to a stainless steel chaffing dish with Crepes in it. Okay, now I have been to many of kinds of brunch, and to this day, that is the only brunch, where there was not an item, that maple syrup can be applied to. Even fancy Italian restaurants, at least had stuffed French toast. It was stuffed with mascapone cheese (For my food ignorant readers, that’s Italian cream cheese), but it was an item that syrup could be applied too. Even smaller hotels, like Hampton Inn, Marriott Courtyard, even Holiday Inn Express, have waffles for their continental breakfast. You know they have the little prepared cups of batter, and you pour it into the waffle maker, and then turn the waffle maker upside down, and it cooks in 3 minutes. I know someone knows what I’m talking about. They even have a waffle. I mean you’re telling me, the only thing they could come up with is crepes. They didn’t even look good. I have made crepes before. The first time, I believe I was like 12. I know what crepes are supposed to be. They are supposed to be light and thin versions of pancakes, almost as then as a piece of paper. These were thick and doughy, and not in a good way either, stuffed with canned pears and raisin, smothered with a vanilla rum sauce. At this point I’m ready to go. I even mention it to my Mother. I was so ready. I’m usually the find a bright side to a disappointment type, but not this time. I ask my waitress, about what I was told over the phone, of what they were having, and how nothing has matched. She tells me, that it sounds like their Easter menu. Everything that was told to me was on their Easter brunch menu. Even though I wanted to go, I decide to make the best, because the brunch was not about me. It was about my Mother. I felt if she was cool with it, I could deal with it. I’m walking slowly from chaffing tray to chaffing tray, reading the calligraphy written names, of the dishes, on linen paper. Nothing of which, sounding like something I want to eat. All of a sudden, a get startled, when a voice out of nowhere says, “Hey Y.” I look up and there he is.
Okay, now I haven’t mentioned much about my relationship, with my married acquaintance. I’m not exactly sure why, just haven’t. I mean I have talked about him indirectly. There have been a couple of post about him, but I never mentioned his name or our experiences directly. I have my theories as to why I haven’t talked about us, but I’m not positive. I mean right now, it’s so hard to talk about him. Not sure how to start or where to go with this. Even though I have written this a couple times already, this part never gets easy. This is the part I’m the angriest, that got deleted. As soon, as I think I got it figured out, I have to start all over again, and try to figure it out again. Well, I guess I will start with giving him an official blog name. His name is Loe. I once had a blogger, tell me outside of my blog, that they thought, the nicknames I gave were funny. The funny part is that I’m not really making them up. I may get in trouble, for saying this, but the names I give, are basically, what’s in my phone. The names you see, is the names I basically call them. Some may be slightly different. Loe was in my phone. He once wanted to go by D.L, but once he realized his attraction to men, he thought it was too close, for his comfort. Like people were going to figure out he liked guys, because his name was D.L. I told him, that people don’t think that about D.L. Hughley. However, that was a choice he made years ago, before me. I had a couple different names for his different numbers, one for his office, cell, and home. That’s right I had his house number. I never used it, just didn’t feel right; however he never minded calling me from his house number. He trusted me. For some reason, that always surprised me. I don’t know why it surprised me, I guess because, if I was in his shoes I would have been more careful, always cautious.
Once again I’m lost in how to go on about him. I mean I have told a lot in my blog past, but this seems to be hard, for me to write. It’s not like we had some great lost love affair. In fact, I often felt like it was something, like a one night stand that was stretched into, something more than it should have been. To be honest Loe was never my type. I’m not saying that, in a malicious after thought either. From Jump Street he really was never my type. When I first met him, I thought…well okay I’ll do you. I mean I thought we were going to get each off, and that’s what that. Especially, when he told me, he was married, which was in the first 10 minutes. I believe my question was, “What are you into?” That is usually a typical question for me. It usually leads into “The Talk.” I’ve talked about “The Talk,” just establishing what you are into, what I’m into, do we want what they got to give. Never have I gotten a response, like he gave me. He started rabbling about so fast, it left me dazed. It went something like this…”Well, I’m married, been married for 15 years. I have two kids, blah and blah. I realized I had an attraction for guys, back in college, but suppressed those feelings, and got married. Was doing good, until I hit 31, went on a business trip. There was this other guy there on the business trip. He asked me would I like to meet him at the bar for drinks after a day of seminars. I did. He told me he saw something, in me, and the next thing I know he turned me out. We dated for 5 years, until his job transferred him to another state. I’m back out there on the scene…” At that point I had to stop him. I told him, look all I wanted to know was are you into oral sex. He explained to me his version of the “DL philosophy.” He felt that as DL man you lie so much in your everyday life, that when you are amongst other DL men, you should never have to lie. I mean I get where he comes from, but I still think its bull. With that philosophy, you lie to your love ones, but truthful, to strangers you have sex with…pa-lease! If I’m going to lie to my love ones, I’m lying to the strangers, point blank. We exchanged numbers. However I’ve grown since starting this blog. That whole exchanging numbers don’t mean anything, anymore. He asked for my number, I gave it to him, but didn’t think of anything after that. I’ve had guys asked to exchange number. Then if I call them, they act like; “Negro, how did you get my number?” however he called a couple days later, totally took me by surprise. I met him Sunday night and Tuesday, like 10, 11 in the morning, he was calling me, talking about he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I had never had a guy say that, or act like that towards me. It felt different. It felt new. It felt good. Then he asked me out on a date. He was the first guy I ever went out on a date too.
That’s right; he was the first guy I ever went out on a date with. To this date, he is the only guy I ever went out on a real date with. That’s a post for another day though. In fact, I tried to write about it a couple of times. It never came to publish though. It was called; you guessed it, “My First Date with a Man.” I remember, when it first happened, and I was chatting, with another blogger online, and they couldn’t believe it was my first date, with a man. I mean I guess people assume that after reading my blog, I’m dating men up a storm. Um, no. I screw and mess around with these guys, but I’m not dating any of them. I do not consider going to Mickey D’s or Burger King, for a whopper jr. with cheese, after I ejaculate, a date. I’m sorry, it’s not. I will say this. I did enjoy the experience. I think that’s why it lasted as long as it did. I like going out to eat or appetizers and drinks, and talk to a guy who knows where I’m coming from sexually, and expressing myself freely. I think the issue was liked the dating aspect, but wrong dude. He he was my type in the looks department I think I could have looked past everything else. You know when you are not happy, with the way things are in a relationship, but then you say,"But damn he is just so fine and cute...oh what the hell. Why was I mad at him again?" Yeah I never had that moment with Loe. All I can say he wasn't my type.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t totally dislike him, it, just that he wasn’t right for me. We were just better friends. We weren't really sexually compatible. He wanted things that I didn't. I wanted things he wasn't into. I believe that’s what we were anyway, just friends. I mean we were there to talk and listen, and hang out like friends. I mean I don’t know how many times he called me, when he was upset with his wife, and needed to talk. Perhaps he was calling for more than to talk, but that’s all he got from me, because I wasn’t coming out to do anything, just because he wanted revenge sex or whatever. I was just a tiny bit better than that. We talked a lot. I was talking to him once about one day getting married, one day. He told me not to, that he envied my position. He wished he was my age and where I was at now. That he wished at my age, he hadn’t been afraid to explore his sexuality. He talked about a guy he was interested in, college, who showed interest in him, and all but made a proposition to him, to live together, in another state. They never had sex. He seriously thought about it, but turned the guy down. He told me it was something he always questions and wonders what if. Instead he denied his sexual feelings and a couple years later got married. In a marriage, he wasn’t happy about. Oh that marriage. The conversations we had about that poor marriage. I believe he loved his wife; I do to some certain extent. He wasn’t happy though. They had issues; he made it out to be mostly her fault though. He always excluded the fact that he loved men, from the equation. He figured that since she didn’t know about that, then their problems had nothing to do with that. I always would remind him, to keep him in check. I remember him calling me once, all upset at his wife. It was like 11 o’clock at night. They had some financial issues; in the past and apparently in the present. She loved her credit cards, and she loved to max them out, but she didn’t like to pay them off. A few years back she quit her corporate job, to start a small business. She wasn’t maxed them out financially, in every aspects. She wasn’t bringing in the capital with this business of children nits, and wasn’t good about putting it out there. Long story short, and because I can’t remember the entire story; I sometimes would tune out. Throw him a couple, “uh huhs”, “sures", and “you don’t say.” Anyway she threw them into a financially disaster, that to him and apparently the bank, and credit counselors, years to fix. Well, after all of that, they had gone to one credit card, which was supposed to be for emergency. He had gone to use it for something, which he rarely does, and it was declined. He called the credit company, and it had been maxed out. He went home to check the statements, and found statement for other credit cards he didn’t know about. She was on her way of taking them through another finance mess. He was going through a tirade; about I’m going to divorce her, and her financial adulteress ass, and blah blah blah. I get it why he was mad, but we got to take accountability sometimes. Why in the hell would you leave the paying of the bills to the person, who put you in the mess to begin with? It’s like putting a drug addict in charge of narcotics. I mean really. I let him rant and rave, he needed an outlet. The more he talked about her finance deceit, the more I would get irritated. I had to tell him once, cut her some slack. I mean you commit sexual adultery on her all the time, with men; and she commits financial adultery. Sounds like the perfect couple to me. They actually separated for a couple months, do to that. You know what they say finance is the number one reason for divorce. I often told him to divorce her. Then there were times I often told him to stay in there. First why divorce, if you are having financial issues. I mean no one ever profited from divorce. I mean one person yeah, but never both parties. No two people walk away saying,"Yeah, that was a profitable divorce, don't you think Honey." Then there were times I told him to divorce. Yes, the constant wishy washer. Loe would say that he was in his marriage until his kids turned 1, then he was free to be with men, the way he wanted. I didn't like that. The thought that he knew he was getting a divorce in the future. IT was like he was stringing his wife along for the next few years. I felt he should divorce her know, why she is in her late 0s early 40s. I feel like now, she could find the next Mr. Right, while still in her prime. Divorcing her when she is in her mid to late 40s wasn't fair to her. I didn't know her, but I still had compassion for her. I’m not sure what happen during their separation, because he did one of his disappearance acts on me around that time.
Loe would drop in and out of my life so much. It was never a huge deal; it was just the way he would go about it, that irritated me the most. He wasn’t my man or anything. He was married, he definitely wasn’t MY man. Just be respectful of me. That was my biggest issue. I wrote about it once in Men Who Doesn't Understand Men. Right after that last incidence with his wife, he asked me could he borrow $600, to pay off, something his wife did. I don’t know who he thought I was. First of all, I didn’t think we were cool enough friends, for that. Second I had bad history, with lending money to family, let alone to some Negro, I hook up with. Third, I’m the young-in in college; I’m supposed to ask to borrow money from him, not the other way around. He was damn near 40. The reason could go on and on. My biggest though, was I just had gone through not hearing from him in 4 months. I wrote a post about that once. Not a word from him. I told him what if that went down again, when I go to contact, can’t get no response back for my money months on end. His response was, “You know where I work.” Yes, I knew where his office was. He also knew that I was not the type to go to his office, for anything. He was in my life for a few weeks then. After that I didn’t hear from him for a couple months. There was the time he called, me to meet him for drinks after work. We actually had lunch that day, but he said he needed to see me again. He left me waiting for him for an hour in the designated place, in the rain. I called and called no answer or call back. He called me exactly 3 weeks later to explain what happen. Yes, I kept track. Excuse something about his kid, came up. Too many stories so little time. He would always call out of the blue, with a long rambling story. I mean the message would be 7 or 8 minutes long…”See what had happen, my cousin’s child’s father died, and I became surrogate father…” or my favorite, ”You hurt my feelings, when you said we weren’t sexual compatible, that hurt me deeply, and I couldn’t talk to you, for a while, after that.” I did tell him that, but he totally took it out of context, but it needed to be said. I will get to that in a moment. Then he would get all soft and baby like, ”Don’t be mad at me Y…You still mad at me, I’m sorry” I would forgive him, until the next time. The last time we talked was in the infamous post of Well F*CK You Too. There was a lot I was mad at. Read that post. Wow, I’ve had my fill of filling you in on Loe I know you are tired of reading it. Back to what happen on Mother’s Day.
I look up, and there he is…
To be continued.