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So today I got a email, from a blogger friend, of mine. Usually our emails are fun, and I'm always excited to hear from them. However...hmm...this was a different kind of email. The subject title was, "Your Comments." I'm not even going to lie, that could go any way. I never know what that could mean, because I do say some...thangs. I will just leave it at that. They are all not "choir boy" commentary...I will elaborate in a minute. Anyway I open the email, and unfortunately it wasn't about how witty, wonderful, sexy and fun my comments are. It was about two recent comments I made on two different blogs. Well, it was about how my two comments were considered or viewed as being RUDE...
...hmph...
O...kay...let me say I by no means, did I mean for my comments to be rude. That wasn't my intention, at all. I was simply saying what was on my mind, in what I thought was a fun, perhaps outrageous way. You know what I don't even think it was all that outrageous. But that's just me. The email went on to say, how not everyone gets my "brand" of comments...their exact words. They went on tell me, how someone on twitter mentioned something to them about my comments. Twitter, y'all!
I don't even have a twitter account, but I'm being talked about how poor taste my comments are on it. They responded to them, that it's just my kind of "cheeky" comments...yep, "cheeky." Do you know what cheeky means? I found two definitions of cheeky. First someone who is playful with their interaction, but more-so on the risque or "naughty" side, or someone who gives others a hard time, but does so good naturally and with no hard feelings. The other is plain ole offensively bold. I guess I'm the latter of the two. They went on to tell me that although they get me and understand it wasn't my intentions, they understand how it was rude. Anyway after reading the email, I felt horrible. It's like your favorite teacher, scolding you about your bad behavior in class, and they are disappointed in your behavior.
Here is the back story. The blog friend had a very simple post about how they had an interview on another blog about their new natural hair regimen. Okay let me say this...I personally find the whole talk about natural hair a little boring, BUT I went to the natural hair blog, to support the interview and my blog friend. I read the blog, and I decided to comment, to let them know I stopped by and read the blog. Perhaps I did loose my way int he comment section. Maybe I should have just wrote
something like, "Great hair, Awesome!" or "You go...Girl" I mean that's a thought. Oh, who we kidding, that's not my style. I can't remember exactly what I said. I write what's on my mind and in the moment of just reading the post. Plus I wrote it like at 1 in the morning. I truly don't remember exactly what I said. I think overall I mentioned what was the end results, what was their goal. What was the purpose of the going natural? How I thought the purpose was to not be tied to a beautician chair every week or every other week. It does seem to me that the natural seems like more work and time, than permed and relaxed hair. I did ask, what I thought was a very reasonable question. What does this natural hair do for your sex life? At least I think that's what I said, because I'm not sure. Some of you may be curious why not just go to the blog and read what I wrote. Well, my comment has been deleted, by the blog owner. I from the bottom of my heart, don't know what I said, that was worthy of my comment being deleted. Maybe I was a little disrespectful, to their "natural" way of life. Here's the main thing about ME, I don't comment on a post, unless I haves something to add to the post or discussion. I'm not good at writing superficial comments.
You know what, you got a public blog for god sake. Stop being so Damn thin skinned and sensitive. What do you want?...A bunch of "yes" people, coming to your blog. Why don't you have a monitored comment section. Why have a comment section at all, if you are not willing to hear more than one side to a subject. People disagree completely with post of mine, sometimes the entire blog, my way of life. I have gotten emails and comments telling me these things. Yet, I have not deleted any comments. It's about sharing personal experiences and personal views on different subjects. You have yours I have mine. Try have a open discussion on it. Try answer some interesting question. The only time I deleted someones comments, was they kept leaving comments of how I was spreading aids, with my lifestyle and I was the cause of black women having aids. It was like 19 of the same comment in multiple posts of mine. I don't nor have I ever done any of that. I guess her blog was only geared to one type of person. A woman with a natural. All I have to say is write a post about the benefits of having a natural hair style, and your sex life, and people will pay attention.I mean men do like that. A guy is cool with their woman wearing a wig or having a weave, sometimes, it gives them the illusion of having sex with someone new, but at the end of the day a man loves having sex with a woman, who is cool with them being able to run their hands through their girls hair, as they are hitting it, without catching tracks, or the wig coming off.
I will say this...A girl with a weave, would have laughed it off and kept it moving. Even a stuck up , evil weave wearing heifer, after a couple of drinks, is a lot of fun. All this confusion about my comments, just reinforce what I had to say. Girls, with natural hair, and I don't mean "Swimmer" or I know this is bad, but "Good Hair." I feel like a girl you is going "natural," is always the non fun one at the party. They are usually the bores. Everyone knows Wilona and wigs was the fun one, Florida was the snooze.
Now I will say this...perhaps...maybe...kinda...my comment on the blogger friends blog, was a little over the top. You be the judge.
TheBlogArtistFormerlyKnownAsYBandDL said...
I wrote what I had to say on the interviewer's blog, but I will say this. That last blog made me very sad, but I have seen death like this in the recent year, so...I almost am numb these things now.
My point is, you...well...hmmm...you talk a lot about your hair lately. Do you have a man now?...Has your hair taken the place of having a man? You talk a lot about your hair, and that damn Michael Jackson game...when is the last time you been dicked down?
You need to get a man to dust off your punany. Tell us how your hair holds up, when he is pulling on it, during a heated screw.
I will be waiting on that post.
Go get drunk with some of your weave friends, and go to one of your country Arkansas clubs, and take some pictures.
All I have to say is the natural and your natural gal pals have been a bore lately. You need to hook up with some of your perm friends. They know how to have fun. You can't tell me me a good weave friend, don't know how to party.
I do sorta feel like a dog who peed on the carpet. I feel ashamed like I just been hit on the nose with a rolled of newspaper. Perhaps I was wrong for the things I wrote.
But look, I walk around all day long, being politically correct, and saying the right thing. Holding back what I really want to say to folks. I guess I have to do that now in my blog world. I don't know who to be even in this world. Moving on...This portion wasn't suppose to be this long.
Anyway, getting this email, has motivated me to do something, well over due.I am going to email back everyone who has emailed me in the last couple months. I feel really bad, and it was on my mind lately. My email will be both current and address the time it was sent. So if you sent me a Christmas email. You will get a Merry Christmas, and an early Happy Valentines Day. I'm giving myself a week to send them out. So expect one from me. I'm even going to send an email, to the natural hair Blogger, to apologies if I offended her, and the rest of the Naturals.
I'm going to make a vow, that in the upcoming year, I will be better and responding to lurkers, blogger friends, and frequent commentators of my blog's email.
9 comments:
Young, women today are trying to change perceptions about our natural hair. Our hair is the first thing anyone looks at when we approach. Not our perfect grasp of the English language, not our dual degreed resumes, but our hair.
Unfortunately, the first step to changing other's perceptions is to change our own perception about ourselves. It's hard. But, with the help of modern technology modern women around the world can support one another to do what's healthier and redifine beauty as caring for our health even through our hair and get others to recognize this.
This is what the blogger is trying to do with her blog. Your comment could potentially be very discouraging from someone coming by for encouragement. I mean dam can you blame us for trying to encourage one another when 30-40% of the available black men out there are gay, 20-30% date white women, x-y% are in jail, s% don't have education.
Yes, I'm making these percentages up but hopefully you get my point.
And let the record show, horney or not, we want to be more than just dicked down. We want to be loved and made love to and THEN dicked down by our straight HUSBANDS. We are trying to start a positive critical mass of black women by loving ourselves first.
I was not angry when I read your comment on your friends post and I can only imagine what you said on the other blogger's post. I think I get you, the blog you that is. But you do you and let us natural hair ladies do us.
I think I'm rambling here, forgive me. But I just had to say my piece. I like you and I like "them" but I think that YOU were the one at fault here.
There are a lot of things that you go through that we can't or shouldn't comment on because we don't understand. The same thing goes for you too, Young. This is one of them.
Love, Buttahflyhustla aka RealHustla, Morphowings on twitter, and Nicole in real life.
And now I've come to write another comment because I know the last one may seem like I'm trying to blame you in some sort of way for the black women's delima. I don't want to come across that way.
In general I'm hoping that you can understand that we have a LOT to go through and that it's not nice to throw shade when we're trying to work through the issues. We're trying to turn negative perceptions about us into positive.
I also don't want you to stop posting your outrageous comments because their funny. But sometimes....
Take care :)
I get it. I don't understand the whole natural movement but then again I've never had a perm/relaxer or any other type of creamy straightener substance in my hair either. It sounds like in reading the post you may have gotten a little bored. The comment you posted seemed to me like a bit of constructive criticism. I don't know the blog you are referring to (actually, based on your comment and the people i follow on Twitter, i'm 99.8% sure I do) but it seems like they are still trying to convince themselves that they made the correct decision and your comment just wasn't what they wanted to hear. I'm not a fan on censorship. Say what you mean and mean what you say if they don't like it. Oh well.
AtruHollywood, that would be my blog he is referring to and know I'm not trying to convince myself that I made the correct decision. It's nothing to slap a perm in my hair if I thought I made the wrong decision. Natural hair is not that serious to me. The author of the other post thought his comment was rude but like I told him in the email not every one gets his comments. His comment had nothing to do with me not wanting to hear what he had to say. His comment that he posted in this post is still on my post.
Young, your post made it seem like I came at you on "nicca, you wrong with that comment" which I did not. My email was about 3 sentences long letting you know that the girl on the other blog found your comment rather rude. The comment on my blog that you posted in this post didn't bother me because I "know" you. I actually laughed. As far as someone mentioning it on twitter, someone asked me did I see the comment on my post because she felt like it was rude of you talking about how I needed to get dycked down. I told the person that we have that kind of blogger "relationship" and it didn't offend me. I told you this in the email! After that it was dropped and you were not brought up again. There were exactly 2 tweets about it!
As far as what Real Hustla is talking about I don't get into all that. Like I said above, natural hair is not that serious to me. I'm not trying to change anyone's perceptions. I stopped perming my hair for me because that's what I wanted to do. You have never seen me blog about how women should stop perming or natural is better, etc. When I do blog about my hair it's about how I achieved my style. I don't give a damn about changing perceptions or making a statement about hair and all that jazz.
As far as the "cheeky" comment, yeah I said cheeky. And what?! And FYI I didn't mean the "latter of the two".
First of all, what's up with all the long comments, I thought that was my thing.
Next, let me say this post had nothing to do with a natural hair verse perm/relaxed hair. I have my opinion on it, but this isn't about that, it was about emails, and an email I got, and what it was about.
Now Realhustla, a.k.a, Buttaflychronicles, a.k.a Morphowings, a.k.a. Nicole, a.k.a YB&DL Ball Busta... cuz thats what you are, you constantly like coming down on me, about something. It never fails. I knew without a doubt you would have something to say about this post and subject, knowing you are a dreads lady from way back, you and LadyNay. I never forget.
First of all let me say thank you for your lecture in American Black Women 101. It was riveting...um I'm not sure if I will be taking it next semester. I understand what you are saying, and I get it.
You think my comment could have potential lost a recruit for your natural hair movement. My comment had to be wiped away, to not discourage revolt or potentials, for your cause. I think the word we are looking for is censorship. Who knew little ole me and my comment had so much power.
If this is the case, then all people should delete a negative comment from their blog, because it could be potentially damaging to their argument or their view, of their opinions, on the blog.
Here's the thing, I think the undertone point to this post, was to say we shouldn't be so sensitive, to comments. Now, since she deleted my comment, I can't go back and review what I wrote like I did with SouthernGal. Which I have to admit may have been a bit much and can see where I went over the line. I don't remember everything I said on the natural hair blogger’s blog, I will say that, maybe I was throwing a little shade at the blog, just like you do to me. You threw me two undercut jabs in your first comment. You do that often to me, but I take it, and keep it moving…You and your "straight husbands." When you have a public blog you open yourself to criticism as well as agreement. If you can't handle any criticism, put your blog on private and let it be that.
Look no one is going to agree with everything, everyone says. I know you have said some things on your blog I didn’t agree with. In fact, there was one post you wrote in the November of 2008…I believe it was, that I absolutely hated. I told myself I would never go to your blog again. I was actually going to write a post about your post, but I didn’t. A few months later I was right back to your blog, and kept it moving. Just like I know…from your comments…that you haven’t agreed with everything I have wrote about. Did I delete you? No. That’s human nature; we are not going to agree to everything a person says. How do you grow, or mature if you block out other opinions? Discuss your personal disagreement; argue your natural hair cause, don’t ignore and delete.
I think the questions I made were understandable and good questions. "Why go natural, what makes it so much better?" "I thought natural was supposed to be easier, it doesn't sound easier, it sounds harder and more complicated." Maybe saying that the only positive side of natural hair is that your man, can run his hands through your hair while he is hitting it, and not run into tracks. Maybe there was a little shade about me referring something about Crisco oil.
So maybe a little shade.
AtruHollywood- Welcome, first time commenter I believe. You hit the nail on the head. I was perhaps a little bored. I only, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I only went to that other blog, to support SouthernGal and the interview she did on that blog. I wanted her to know I read the interview, so I made a comment. I made a true YB&DL comment, and not just a small generic comment. I was me. Sowry :;
SouthernGal- I should have sent you an email reply first, or as soon as I published this post, but I didn't. I still will, but let me say this first. It's no surprise; we have history of email discrepancies. You say you sent me an email, I say I didn't get it; it's not in my spam or email history folder...nothing. Now you say your email was only 3 sentences. Hmmm...actually it was 8 sentences, and I'm going buy what we call "periods."
First of all I wasn't trying to put you out like you came at me any kind of way, because your name or blog wasn't mentioned. You just put that out. Second, it might not have been your intention to be on some "Nicca you was wrong for that comment," just like it wasn't my intention to be rude, but I guess just like my comment sh#t happens we didn't intend. Your email made me feel bad and like “nigga you were wrong.” In your email, you didn't mention how you laughed. You said you understood how she felt my comment was rude, even if it wasn't my intention. You didn't mentioned how many tweets it was, you just told me someone sent you a tweet about my comment, and you told them, that you are used to my "cheeky" comments. Then you ended it with people, may feel some kind of way, about my "cheeky" comments, especially if they are new to me.
I felt bad and stupid, and a letdown. That's what this post was about...not about calling you out, but I'll email you.
There still King of the long comments.
So what are you trying to say? The only time I recall us have an email discrepancy is when my blog was deleted and started a new one and I sent you an email giving you the new blog's url. You said you didn't get it. I told you I sent it to you. **shrugs**
First, I wrote the email to you from my phone and didn't realize it was 8 sentences but I still don't think it was worthy of a long blog post.
No my name was not mention but it wasn't hard to figure out to anyone that reads our blogs. Plus if I know a post is about me there's no way that I can't comment. :)
Did I say in my comment that I mentioned in the email that I laughed? No I did not. I was telling you that now. I did say I understood how she felt that comment was rude. That was the first time you commented on her blog and she was not used to a "true YB&DL comment". I'm sure the last thing she thought was her post about hair turning into something about sex.
The email was never intended to make you feel bad or stupid.
LMAO...I am not doing this back and forth with you anymore...South
Do you get the irony here, your email wasn't intended to make me feel bad, just like my comment wasn't intended to be rude.
How about this? How about I delete this post, would that make you happy?
?
Just let me know...how about this, how about I send all comments and post by a blogger board, and they ell me if it is appropriate or not? Since when my little fingers hit the keyboard I upset someone.
I'm not heading up any natural hair movement and not trtinf to ein recruits. I'm just speaking from my experiences. I didn't have the kind of support that seems to be available today when i transitioned so yeah I'm kind of defensive.
You're right, I probably do kinda pick on you but it's because you're so anonymous. And I think your anonymity fuels your straight forwardness and so I lets you have it. Even when I'm not trying to its like i cant stop myself lol.
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