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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Random 13 Things That Pissed Me Off!

I normally don't do random things post, but do to the fact that things seem to piss me off so much lately here goes random things that make me angry.

1. Why do people let senile...or okay partial senile old people answer the phone? If you have someone who senility is in question, don't let them be in charge of answer the phone all the time, especially if you have like 5 or 6 people up in the house. I will come back to this one later...

2. Someone keeps calling my cellphone from jail. I'm not sure if I can even except collect phone calls from jail, but if I could I keep missing them...bad luck or good luck? I don't know who is calling me, I have a couple ideas, sadly. I'm thinking three guys actually. One is a friend, that I haven't talked to in a minute...a real long minute too. It's a possibility it's him though. The next two guesses is two guys I have hooked up with. I haven't hooked up with a dude in a while so, not exactly sure, why any of them would be calling me now, especially from jail, but I guess what other time is their to reach out and contact someone, but when you have nothing else to do, but make collect phone calls, bet cigarettes who is going to get eliminated off of American Idol this week, and jack-off?

3. Some woman I don't know keeps calling my phone, for the past two weeks. Ironically I keep missing her too. I wonder if she has any connection to collect call from city jail. I keep calling the number back and it goes to voicemail. The other day I finally got some chick on the phone. I asked her, did she call my phone. She tells me I have the wrong number, and hangs up. I wonder if it's the woman of some man I have messed with, and she found my number calling it, thinking she is going to find some other woman...hmmm

4. What's up Jill Scott playing a 25 year older's mother in "Sins of My Mother" on Lifetime? Now granted I only watched the like the first 30 or 40 minutes of the movie, but still I don't get it. Jill is what in her mid to late 30s how is she playing the former alcoholic mother of someone in Grad school working on their doctrine. I mean I get how Jill has that whole matron momma look to her. She a big boned, big breasted black women, but does that make her the mother of someone 12 or so years younger than she is. Couldn't they give it to someone who could use an acting job lately...Robin Givens is trying to do more acting, She is older than Jill Scott. Loretta Divine plays mama's well. Lynn Wittfield could be some one's mama. I'm just saying it didn't feel like great believable casting.

5. Just because wearing a diaper as a grown man was cool, eccentric, and funkadelic in the 70s, does not mean it is today, especially if you are 55 years old? It just looks like you couldn't afford Depends, and lost your pants in the Greyhound bus station. The other week, I turned to Monique's show. Now I don't watch her all! I tried the first few episodes, but couldn't stand it. She tries to hard, and it's not winning from her efforts either. Well, I turned to her show, to wait until Wendy Williams, show came on. That's right I actually like her show...not all of it but the first 20 minutes I enjoy. Anyway on this episode on Monique, she had funk legend George Clinton. Watching that reminded me about something another blogger Excitable Bore, wrote the other month about old singing legend needing to sit down somewhere, because their voices not being the same. I disagreed at the time, but poor George does. That whole performance was a mess to me. He was barely singing...He was just standing up their, looking like he had one foot into the nursing home yelling some incoherent phrases every 30 seconds; while his whole 20 piece crew sung and danced. One being some old dude from back in the 70's heyday, wearing a big cloth diaper. While this shirtless, and what appeared underwearless, low riding, bell bottom young guy with an Afro wig, the size of Rhode Island, was dancing sexually, and looks like he screws any gender with a hole. I'm not kidding, he looked like Studio '54 would have so been his place. He just looked like he had sex, at least once, in front of the whole Funkadelic crew...with what gender is in question. That whole crew look like they still are doing some LSD from '79. Meanwhile Monique was trying to dance the whole 5 minutes and looked winded, and again like she was trying too hard to dance. Like she was tryout to be on Soul Train with Don Cornelius. While Cornell West, American philosopher and civil rights activist, was dancing like he was auditioning for "House Party 9: Avenge of Kid N'Play."

Also, who wants to bet that George doesn't have that crazy hair sewed into his hair anymore? I think it's one huge wig to look like Funkadelic George Clinton hair. I mean that's understandable, who wants to walk around normally like that at his age. It's like Mister T, I once heard that now at his age, he does put on hundreds of chains, but wheres one big one to look like hundreds, except it has just one latch in the back. All about the appearance. However George Clinton's was tragic.

6. Okay, if I'm waiting patiently by the sample table at Costco, for the sample lady to ladle the Panera Bread Cheddar and Broccoli soup...YOU Do Not just walk up, with your dirty white fingers and pick up the next sample, while you look at me waiting. What do you think, I'm just standing their for my health? I mean don't we learn that in first grade, that we wait our turn. Then you going to stand there and look at me with you cock-eyed self. I don't care if your left eye is looking off into the butcher meat section, I know you see me giving you the stink-mean eye, with Both of my eyes.
Costco etiquette, if you see someone already standing there to get a sample, from the sample lady and she doesn't have a few sitting out on the tray, wait your turn to pick up a sample. DO Not just walk up and grab one and people are in line.

7. While we are on Costco etiquette...If the sample lady gives you in her best polite, yet attitude filled voice, that you should know whether or not you like something on the first sample, let alone on the 4th and 5th sample...then there is a a problem. While in Costco the same day as white dude snatching my cheddar and broccoli soup, these three black heifers are just standing around this one cart taking sample after sample, of these rotisserie wing-ettes. Saying stuff like..."Hmmm I just don't know if I like them or not, girl", and "Uh huh, I know what you mean. I need to try me another one just to figure it out". Each of them had a little pile of chicken bones in their hands. The sample lady is right I think you could figure it out that in sample one. It only took one wing-ette for me to know they were nasty and undercooked. I was so embarrasses to be black in that moment. I moved my basket as far away as possible, I didn't want the white people to think, that I had any relations to the other black people, especially, the crazy stereotypical chicken luuven black women.
The underwritten rule take one, two the most samples. If you want another of the sample, walk away and around, try other samples, continue your shopping, then casually walk back for sample three. Four is the absolute Max of one particular sample, and you have to pick up a box or bag of whatever you kept sampling, and have it in your basket too. You Do Not just keep standing their eating like you at Golden Coral. This is not all you can eat. I just know those are the type of women who go to Panda Express asking for sample after sample of the Sweat and Sour Pork and Orange Chicken, then go to Sabarro, for a Supreme piece of pizza or Chick-Fil-A.

8. What happen to your local video stores? It seems that all the local video stores are becoming extinct. I mean the video stores are being replaced with Red Box's and Net Flicks. I guess no one goes to the movie store anymore. You remember when it use to be an experience. I found out that the last movie store besides Blockbuster is closing. I kinda find it sad, remember the days, when you just wanted to make it a movie night, and you went with a love one or a date, and just walked around together. Even though you saw it, and loved it, you wouldn't mind seeing it again, just to be there when they first saw it...and whatever. A whole store of old and new movies. Now granted I'm not sure when the last time I been in a movie store, it just feels sad, that they all seem to be closing.

9. Real sad part about movie stores more renting porn. It's true most movie stores, was the only place you could rent porn. Even though there still seems to be Blockbusters around, they don't have porn sections. I'm not talking about that soft core porn, where it's just women touching each other either, like they have at the top of the shelves. I'm talking about the hardcore XXX type porn, where you had to go into a separate quite section to view. Where there would be a pictures on the cover, of someone with a dick in their mouth and a title like "Phat Booty's Want Big Dicks 4." Even though you never saw PBWBD 1 thru 3, you could still pick up where they left off easily. Now granted, I haven't rented porn in a minute. I mean the movie store didn't even have my information anymore, it had been so long since I had been there, but it's sad that now I don't have the option.

While I was out at the mall shopping, I past by one of the last Movie Gallery, and it had big store closing signs. I decided to stop. I didn't even waste my time, in the regular section. I went straight to the porn. I really didn't see to much I wanted, however. I'm not really into white people porn, but wish black porn was like it. Maybe I'll will discuss that another day with you. I didn't see any good black or at least interracial gay either, or as they label it alternative. When I brought my one movie to the front in the secret white bag they give you in the Adult room, an older white gentleman about in his early 50s, in front of me, bought 13 porno's. It is weird to image him jacking secretly jacking off to that for the next month. He had a wedding ring on, but I get the feeling his wife wouldn't be watching it with him. He had that suburban PTA look to him, I bet his wife name was Barb too. Barb is going to have a mysterious sticky mess all over her house.

10. This is my first and last season of watching The Bachelor. I was highly disappointed, as most of America, People Magazine, US Magazine, Entertainment Tonight, and so on, about who the pilot picked. The big emotional crybaby picked the young, immature tramp over the nice sweet girl his family loved and America. His farewell was classic..."You are just too perfect of a woman, for me. There is just something missing." The something missing was she only had sex with one other man in her life, her ex husband. Like him, she wasn't going to have sex with him until marriage. Meanwhile the winner looks like she would be giving him a nice BJ, before the reunion special.

11. Speaking of reality television, and BJs...Did anyone watch Pep's show, "Let's Talk about Pep"? I loved the show! They had their Season finale recently. Even though, it didn't feel totally reality, but a little scripted, I loved it. They were trying to give off a little black Sex in the City, except real. Was anyone mad that with all the guys Pep hooked up with this season, she picked the Asian dude. I have nothing against Asian men, actually it is on my sex bucket list, but Tom was not a cute Asian. I'm sorry, but he wasn't. I would have definitely picked um...well none of her picks were spectacular, but I guess the football player whose hair caught on fire, was sorta cute. I mean my DL sense was buzzing, when I watched him, but he was a lot cuter than Tom. Something about the way Tom smiled and his eyes, made me nauseous. I mean I guess he would be good to be in a relationship with, but I know the sex wasn't going to be like no Treach sex. I love Jacque Reid, but what is up with homegirl being damn near 40 and never having an Orgasm in her life....and hating getting oral sex. Giving it is one thing, she don't exactly look like she hands those out freely, but on your birthday of a two year relationship, if you lucky, but hating to receive it too. I was speechless. Did she really think she was going to have an orgasm by going to an orgasm class for couples, and she went by herself? I thought it was hilarious when the orgasm guru, told the class it was now time to take your clothes off, and she bolted faster than Flo Jo out of there...Hello Jacque!!! It's an Orgasms class, how do you get an orgasm, but getting out of your Granny Panties!!! Maybe that's where she is going wrong..."Note to self take off draws, to h ave an Orgasms."

12. Did y'all here the rumors that "Iron Mike" Tyson and Evander "Damn are these all my children" Holyfield are slated to do a rematch? I find that to be a damn shame! Both of these negros are like in their mid 40's and yet they still trying to fight. It's all becasue they are both broke! Both of them have made milions on top of millions intheir career, and now broke trying, to pay child support, and trying to fight each other, for what? Who is goign to watch this if they did? I hope somethign juicy gets bitten off this time? Youknow juicier than an ear? Man that was a long time ago they fought...I think I just got into middle school when that happen I think.

13. Was going to be the story behind number 1., and how it relates to 2...However it not happening today...Becasue peopel tell me my post are tooo loongg now, so sorry.
I'm pissed I can't tell you! It was a big pissing off too!

I spent so much time talking about random stuff, I forgot to go back to discuss the senile old woman story, maybe I'll add it later to this post or the next post.


Anonymous said...

I love Wendy Williams too! I can't get into Monique's show. She need to tone it down a notch. All that yelling is not called for.

Dude with the diaper...O_O

LOL @ the chicks at Costco. They need to do better.

I haven't been to a movie store in years. There use to be 4 Blockbusters on my side of town. Only 1 is still open.

I just want to give Jacque Reid a hug. Never had an orgasm and she doesn't like receiving oral sex. Po' child. That's why she's never had an orgasm!

J. Antoinne said...


I DIED @ Barb!!!! I mean literally laughed out loud, hysterically, even. You are sooooooooooo stupid for that!!! LMMFAO!!!

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Lmao @ this whole post. Love #7, especially the observation that they would be the type to take all those samples at Panda Express. So true.

Anonymous said...

why are you letting ppl tell you how long ur post should be especially when you post so infrequently
or are you using that as an excuse because you got tired of typing... i am inclined to believe the latter given your history..

Corey Keith said...

LOL! I am glad I am getting caught up on my blog reading! I felt the same way about Jacque Reid never having had an orgasm!