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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Birthdays.... I guess?

Post post Changes: I usually don't like making changes to my post after the first comment has been made, but I wanted to make a special shout out to, two fellow bloggers, who had their birthdays this past week.
Happy Birthday to Southern Gal and Lady Nay Nay!!!!
Also in response to Corey Keith, no my birthday isn't anytime soon, I just talked about birthdays because that was the theme of the month... my birthday isn't until next year ...Thank you Jesus... my birthday has actually past since I started my blog, I didn't mention it becasue well as you will learn from my regular written post below, that isn't my style....

Okay I usually don't like doing the random several things on my mind posts. I generally like to keep my post focused around one thing, but I need to say a few things, so here it is.

First lets get the theme of the month out before a new month comes around. I usually have posted my post about the theme by this time of the month, but well laziness and the whole nothing real exciting to say about the theme has sorta made me procrastinate about the theme, which by the way is Birthdays. Before I go into whatever it is I'm going to say about Birthdays let me just tell you guys about one thing.

Now I get the theme of the month from a fellow blogger Lady Nay. Now I don't know if she comes up with the themes or if she gets it from another blogger, but I've been following her lead in the themes. Well I think it was a week or so ago, I was up late just catching up and reading fellow blogs. I was also reading some new blogs...or shall I say new blogs to me. Now there is this blogger, that for some reason I didn't think had a blog. I just thought they leave comments on others blogs, but didn't actually have a blog. The reason so, was because I had tried to check out there blog once before, when I got a message saying I had been banned from their blog. For some dumb reason I thought it was like a joke, that everybody got who tried to visit this fellow bloggers' blog. The reason I thought this, was because I didn't understand any other reason as to why I would be banned, in my mind I had never even visited this person's blog in the first place let alone have reason to be banned. However for some reason, I decided that night to see if they had finally decided to start their own blog. To my surprise they fact they had an amazing deck out site. As I'm exploring and surfing their site, I read their recent post about the birthday theme of the month. It was a little disturbing, they mentioned something about holding a gun to their mouth when it comes to their birthday and whatnot. They also mentioned their girlfriend Val, which seemed kinda familiar. After reading a bit more, it hit me, I had been to this blog once before, right when I first started blogging. I'm surfing their site some more when I get to a disclaimer for the site. The disclaimer mentions how they keep track of IP addresses and lurkers or people who visits the site and doesn't leave comments and whatnot, can be banned. It then hits me that I had been banned from a site I barely even remember...and I start to laugh. I decided to leave a comment on their recent post, about how I was banned and didn't even really know why or remembered going to their blog except for remembering the Val person they talk about. I also stated how I felt like a naughty employee looking at cyber porn, and their employer was watching their every move online, by like a web nanny type thing, because this blogger was watching IP addresses, and every move you made on their site. I was taking it light hearted and thought the whole thing was funny. Well a few days later I go to check out what they said, because I noticed this blogger makes follow up comments individually to ever comment. I wanted to see if they thought the whole thing was funny too. That's when I found out that I had been banned once again from this person's blog...LMAO it makes me laugh even right now. I think it's so funny. Now I'm not the type to name names and blow any body spot up, so I'm not going to say that it was FreakyDeaky of Freakytopia I think it is, that banned me not once but twice people from their blog...I'm just not going to do blow FreakyDeaky spot up like that...LOL.

Anyway I don't have much to say on birthdays. I hate my birthdays, I don't like getting another year older...I mean I'm glad that God allowed me to see another year and blah blah blah, but I don't like getting older. It always makes me think about life and my timeline. in the 8th grade we had to make a timeline of our future plans. I was remember having my life plotted out to the year. At my age now, I should have received my Bachelors and either was working on my Masters or have started my amazing career as an Architect. I would be married with a dog, to the love of my life, my college sweetheart. I had read somewhere that most people met their future spouses in college. I would have gotten an academic scholarship of course to at the time, GMU. We would be living in my middle class starter home, with my bride and dog... kids come when we are 25, need our alone time before the two children come. By 30 we will be ready financially to move into out 5 bedroom dream home that I would have designed for us and the kids. I know it sounds childish and unrealistic, but this is truly a plan that I thought about all through high school. All my birthday does is remind me how I'm not where I'm suppose to be at my age, on that dumb ass time line. I get and understand that plans change, life changes, but I'm no where near that plan. I didn't go to that schoolI'm so lost on my future career path, still trying to get that Bachelors, let alone my Masters, and I think it is needless to say how far away I am from getting married. Does anyone think me secretly loving dick has any connection at all?...LOL

I use to love my birthdays as a child. I use to have parities and all that. I use to think my birthday was something magical. That one special thing about you. I never really dawned on me that so many people share your same day to. I guess it didn't matter as long as those people who share your day, aren't in your life to steal your shine. There were a couple parties I remember vividly. There was the one with the clown at my house. I thought that was amazing, Everyone came. There was the one where my aunt came in, from out of town, and took all of my friends and everyone from my bus stop to Chucky Cheese's on her, and I suddenly had older elementary school kids as friends. Then there was the one when I was still in private school, and I had this Mickey Mouse surprise party. Everybody thought I was special, because nobody had a party at school, I don't know why I did. The one thing i remember odd about that day, was nobody had to where their uniforms that day. Don't remember why, but I think that was my one and only surprise party. Then I remember the black wish list party. This was the party, when my parents were going through their separation, before the big split. I wanted everything in black for my birthday. I think I was about 8. In retrospect I'm sure a child therapist would have something to say on the link between what was going on between my parents and me wanting everything in black. Maybe that was my way of going through depression, but I wanted my whole room black for my birthday present. Me and my mom negotiated, and we settled on black and white. She thought all black was a bit severe for a child, but I was adamant about the black part. So for my birthday I got a new black and white room. Everything from a black and white lamp... to black and white bedding... to a black and white trash can. I think it wasn't shocking because I think I was always mature for my age. I however didn't get the black carpet or black walls, but I was cool.

I don't exactly remember when my views on my birthday changed, but they did. It really doesn't feel special anymore. Sometimes I wish I could get that feeling again. The big ones didn't do anything to capture that essence either. I really didn't see anything special about the 16 , or 18, or even the big 2-1. I learned to drive and got my license on the 16th, I went and registered to vote on the 18 and on the 2-1 I don't drink so what I could buy porn legally then, but that was it.

Now people drag me to celebrate. I usually get treated, which I hate, because for some reason, I feel like I have to be conservative on what I spend. Sometimes I just rather get whatever the hell I want, and pay for it myself...I feel more comfortable that way. What I really wish is that people just leave me the hell alone for my birthday, and just give me whatever money or gift that I'm sure I will return and let me spend it alone with a pizza and all the soda my heart desire, with a a pie... or anything that will melt ice cream, and let me call it a day. Or maybe one day my birthday will be that magical day again, that only I posses.

Well, anyway I guess this post did end up being centered around one thing after all, I'm just going to have to get to those other random things on a later post. It really was my mission to get to it all today, but I don't feel like it now.


Corey Keith said...

So is your birthday coming up?

And in terms of all black for your 8th birthday... it was just a sign that you had some class at an early age..

Darius T. Williams said...

Actually, I don't think u liking dick has anything to do with it at all. It's about setting goals and working your ass off to achieve them REGARDLESS of circumstance. Just get back up and get back in line!

K.C. said...

I feel ya about birthdays. They can be depressing but I still make the most of them because as far as I'm concerned, it's a federal holiday! lol

I'm struggling w/goals all the time. Friends, family seem to be settled and I'm still trying to get my B.A. at 27 and living at home! dang! Just keep ya head up and stay focused. U'll get there.

Black n white hun? Hm, I'm thinking distantly related to the Addams family ...

And ol' dude (freaky) got some serious issues ... whateva

K.C. said...

whoops, I meant age 26 (mine is coming up in a month and I'm already thinking ahead!)

ShawnQt said...

you can always have anniversaries of your life instead of birthdays if u feel that way. who needs to know how old u are, except the government! tell people u lost track and ur in a mid range!

by the way I hate Chuck E Cheeses! LOL
I didnt know u could ban people from blogs.

fuzzy said...

Yea so I was the guy who went looking for what exactly was going on!!! Here is the comment on what you said:

"I thought of banning AOL altogether at one time, now Verizon is the ISP I want to ban. Lots of hits but few comments. AOL shares the same I.P. addresses with many users. If you ban one of them then everyone else assigned to that address gets it too. It sucks but that’s how they set it up.

I’ve had a blog in some form (off and on) for about seven years.

Between the four or so stat monitors I have I can track most moves on my blogs if not every one. :)) Although I’m rarely curious enough to go that far, unless I see something odd or suspicious going on.

That late at night, the other users were either on the West Coast or search engine bots.

I’m not as bad as porn. Even though several sites classify my blog as pornographic and a couple of filters have me listed as porn. :d"

I just want you to know I left a comment as well! I don't see going back to his blog so I will be anonymous!

Now back to the post! You secretly loving dick has nothing to do with you not being married! If you openly loved dick then maybe lol

You and I are quite the opposite when it comes to birthdays! I always wanted to go above and beyond! I always wanted the extra! I never got it! The only birthday party I remember was when I turned like 4 or 5. Everybody was there! Nothing ever came after that. Every year I wanna have a celebration to make up for lost time. You, you just want it to be like old times... maybe one day it will happen for you

Ummm I bought porn on my 18th birthday and registered to vote the day after! lol

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

You know, I find you to be an interesting character. I enjoy reading your blog ma dude.

You secretly loving dick probably does have something to do with you being married I would say lol. Personally I couldn't imagine being married right now considering I value my alone time and I don't particularly like sleeping next to someone more than two nights. I start to get annoyed lol. As for the school thing, just focus and handle your business. The only thing stoping you from achieving your goals is YOU!


bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

btw, wassup with this 'secret blog' that I can't see w/out your permission? LoL. Knock Knock. Let me in!!!


Anonymous said...

Someone say 'secret blog'?! I need to be let in too.

You know I just turned 30. As the months approached I was feeling down because I had big plans I wanted to accomplished before I turned 30. But I didn't. I learned to look at the things I have accomplished. I still have my whole life ahead of me to accomplish the other things. Keep your head up!

Young,Black and DL said...

Corey Keith- Nope and Why thank you!

Darius- Thanks Ma...I get enough of that from my mother every week, I have to tell you guys one day what she compared me not getting my degree yet to

K.C.- I'm telling you all I want to do is sleep and act like its another day of the and you are on your own adding years to your age

Shawn exactly how does that anniversaries of your life work? If it works the same way as a birthday work, then thats just dressing up a pig, guess what it's still a pig, my brotha!

Fuzzy- I'm confused...He left a reply comment and banned me or I got accidentally banned becasue I viewed his page while on aol, if I viewed it on internet explorer I wouldn't have been banned?

Don't get me wrong I wanted the over and beyond when I was younger, but at some point it all changed, and I really can't pin point when it was.

I know me secretly loving dick has nothing to do with me not getting married, trust and believe, I think even if I only loved and worshiped punany, I still wouldn't be married!

Blaq- I know and you and be both on that whole marriage thing. I get like that

South you must have the worst timing. I think you left your comment right as I was making my changes wishing you a happy birthday!

To South and Blaq you are not missing anything as for as the other blog is concerned. Trust and Believe!

RealHustla said...

I feel ya on the whole birthday thing. But, it's been more than half your life since anyone has honored me on my birthday the way they do/did you. Then for my last birthday my little boy made me a crooked cake and put every color icing he could find on it. It will probably never get better than that, and that's fine with me because that's the best birthday I ever had. Someone close to me seeing that I needed an expression of love and acting on it the best he could. Nope, won't get better.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the birthday shout out!

autonomous said...

"I feel like I have to be conservative on what I spend. Sometimes I just rather get whatever the hell I want, and pay for it myself"

not something I think we need to hoop and hollar about either, now the acomplishments in between these days is another story.

I enjoy your blog ive been reading awhile before I decided to actually comment but reading over this particular post in reference to the "lurkers" i'll be throwing my 2cents in a lil more often...


Anonymous said...

I just stumbled upon this blog today and found it very intriguing. I love the way you bear your soul to everyone. It is so interesting!

Anyway, I can totally relate to you on the birthdays issue. I'm in my 20's. That is all I ever tell people is that I'm in my 20's because I don't want to give the actual number...Possibly due to fear of them judging me and my progress.
Before I got real and admitted I was gay my fantasy was to: graduate highschool(check), complete college(check), become a famous writer (and illustrator, still working on this one), marry Halle Berry (mmmmkay, not happening), have two children (a boy and a girl, in that order), a dog (I prefer cats), and live in a big mansion on the hill and etc...etc...etc...The Heterosexual American dream.

Finally realized that wasn't realistic for me. Moreover, I never really wanted alot of that stuff in the first place. I wanted it because other people said that ideal is what you're supposed to have to be happy. Add to it you have to have it completed in a certain time frame.

Boo, go at your own pace. Honor your own process. We all grow and mature in our own ways and at our own time. It doesn't matter how quickly you run the marathon...All that matters is seeing it through to the finish line.


Loved reading your thoughts!

Toddy English.

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