Birthdays.... I guess?

Post post Changes: I usually don't like making changes to my post after the first comment has been made, but I wanted to make a special shout out to, two fellow bloggers, who had their birthdays this past week.
Happy Birthday to Southern Gal and Lady Nay Nay!!!!
Also in response to Corey Keith, no my birthday isn't anytime soon, I just talked about birthdays because that was the theme of the month... my birthday isn't until next year ...Thank you Jesus... my birthday has actually past since I started my blog, I didn't mention it becasue well as you will learn from my regular written post below, that isn't my style....

Okay I usually don't like doing the random several things on my mind posts. I generally like to keep my post focused around one thing, but I need to say a few things, so here it is.

First lets get the theme of the month out before a new month comes around. I usually have posted my post about the theme by this time of the month, but well laziness and the whole nothing real exciting to say about the theme has sorta made me procrastinate about the theme, which by the way is Birthdays. Before I go into whatever it is I'm going to say about Birthdays let me just tell you guys about one thing.

Now I get the theme of the month from a fellow blogger Lady Nay. Now I don't know if she comes up with the themes or if she gets it from another blogger, but I've been following her lead in the themes. Well I think it was a week or so ago, I was up late just catching up and reading fellow blogs. I was also reading some new blogs...or shall I say new blogs to me. Now there is this blogger, that for some reason I didn't think had a blog. I just thought they leave comments on others blogs, but didn't actually have a blog. The reason so, was because I had tried to check out there blog once before, when I got a message saying I had been banned from their blog. For some dumb reason I thought it was like a joke, that everybody got who tried to visit this fellow bloggers' blog. The reason I thought this, was because I didn't understand any other reason as to why I would be banned, in my mind I had never even visited this person's blog in the first place let alone have reason to be banned. However for some reason, I decided that night to see if they had finally decided to start their own blog. To my surprise they had...in fact they had an amazing deck out site. As I'm exploring and surfing their site, I read their recent post about the birthday theme of the month. It was a little disturbing, they mentioned something about holding a gun to their mouth when it comes to their birthday and whatnot. They also mentioned their girlfriend Val, which seemed kinda familiar. After reading a bit more, it hit me, I had been to this blog once before, right when I first started blogging. I'm surfing their site some more when I get to a disclaimer for the site. The disclaimer mentions how they keep track of IP addresses and lurkers or people who visits the site and doesn't leave comments and whatnot, can be banned. It then hits me that I had been banned from a site I barely even remember...and I start to laugh. I decided to leave a comment on their recent post, about how I was banned and didn't even really know why or remembered going to their blog except for remembering the Val person they talk about. I also stated how I felt like a naughty employee looking at cyber porn, and their employer was watching their every move online, by like a web nanny type thing, because this blogger was watching IP addresses, and every move you made on their site. I was taking it light hearted and thought the whole thing was funny. Well a few days later I go to check out what they said, because I noticed this blogger makes follow up comments individually to ever comment. I wanted to see if they thought the whole thing was funny too. That's when I found out that I had been banned once again from this person's blog...LMAO it makes me laugh even right now. I think it's so funny. Now I'm not the type to name names and blow any body spot up, so I'm not going to say that it was FreakyDeaky of Freakytopia I think it is, that banned me not once but twice people from their blog...I'm just not going to do blow FreakyDeaky spot up like that...LOL.

Anyway I don't have much to say on birthdays. I hate my birthdays, I don't like getting another year older...I mean I'm glad that God allowed me to see another year and blah blah blah, but I don't like getting older. It always makes me think about life and my timeline. in the 8th grade we had to make a timeline of our future plans. I was remember having my life plotted out to the year. At my age now, I should have received my Bachelors and either was working on my Masters or have started my amazing career as an Architect. I would be married with a dog, to the love of my life, my college sweetheart. I had read somewhere that most people met their future spouses in college. I would have gotten an academic scholarship of course to at the time, GMU. We would be living in my middle class starter home, with my bride and dog... kids come when we are 25, need our alone time before the two children come. By 30 we will be ready financially to move into out 5 bedroom dream home that I would have designed for us and the kids. I know it sounds childish and unrealistic, but this is truly a plan that I thought about all through high school. All my birthday does is remind me how I'm not where I'm suppose to be at my age, on that dumb ass time line. I get and understand that plans change, life changes, but I'm no where near that plan. I didn't go to that schoolI'm so lost on my future career path, still trying to get that Bachelors, let alone my Masters, and I think it is needless to say how far away I am from getting married. Does anyone think me secretly loving dick has any connection at all?...LOL

I use to love my birthdays as a child. I use to have parities and all that. I use to think my birthday was something magical. That one special thing about you. I never really dawned on me that so many people share your same day to. I guess it didn't matter as long as those people who share your day, aren't in your life to steal your shine. There were a couple parties I remember vividly. There was the one with the clown at my house. I thought that was amazing, Everyone came. There was the one where my aunt came in, from out of town, and took all of my friends and everyone from my bus stop to Chucky Cheese's on her, and I suddenly had older elementary school kids as friends. Then there was the one when I was still in private school, and I had this Mickey Mouse surprise party. Everybody thought I was special, because nobody had a party at school, I don't know why I did. The one thing i remember odd about that day, was nobody had to where their uniforms that day. Don't remember why, but I think that was my one and only surprise party. Then I remember the black wish list party. This was the party, when my parents were going through their separation, before the big split. I wanted everything in black for my birthday. I think I was about 8. In retrospect I'm sure a child therapist would have something to say on the link between what was going on between my parents and me wanting everything in black. Maybe that was my way of going through depression, but I wanted my whole room black for my birthday present. Me and my mom negotiated, and we settled on black and white. She thought all black was a bit severe for a child, but I was adamant about the black part. So for my birthday I got a new black and white room. Everything from a black and white lamp... to black and white drapes...to bedding... to rugs...to a black and white trash can. I think it wasn't shocking because I think I was always mature for my age. I however didn't get the black carpet or black walls, but I was cool.

I don't exactly remember when my views on my birthday changed, but they did. It really doesn't feel special anymore. Sometimes I wish I could get that feeling again. The big ones didn't do anything to capture that essence either. I really didn't see anything special about the 16 , or 18, or even the big 2-1. I learned to drive and got my license on the 16th, I went and registered to vote on the 18 and on the 2-1 I don't drink so what I could buy porn legally then, but that was it.

Now people drag me to celebrate. I usually get treated, which I hate, because for some reason, I feel like I have to be conservative on what I spend. Sometimes I just rather get whatever the hell I want, and pay for it myself...I feel more comfortable that way. What I really wish is that people just leave me the hell alone for my birthday, and just give me whatever money or gift that I'm sure I will return and let me spend it alone with a pizza and all the soda my heart desire, with a cake...no a pie... or anything that will melt ice cream, and let me call it a day. Or maybe one day my birthday will be that magical day again, that only I posses.

Well, anyway I guess this post did end up being centered around one thing after all, I'm just going to have to get to those other random things on a later post. It really was my mission to get to it all today, but I don't feel like it now.