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Monday, June 30, 2008

Six Degrees of Hoe Seperation Part II


Sorry It took me so long to finish this, but I just didn't feel like writing anyomore for a minute. Anyway. I told you guys, this wasn't a pretty story, so don't judge!

So there he was sitting next to me, with just his wife beater on, and those combination of lime and mint green. I really wish I could narrow it down, which one it was...it was just a shade brighter than mint, but not quite as bright as lime, but I guess it really doesn't matter. He took off those huge gaudy gold presription glasses. That gold tooth still making a big Vegas appearance, however. I give him a weak half smile, back. For a few minutes, it was some real crickets going on between us. I'm not sure if he thought so, but I felt it. Just awkward silence, except for that soft oldies music flowing through the place. At that moment, I wished he had a real sofa, instead of that love seat. He we are, I barely know this man, and I'm uncontrollably right under him. I know we are about to get down, but I just need a little breathing room, I had all the billion and a half plants in his place producing the oxygen, I just need the space. That's when Robby picks up the repote to the T.V. It's already on BET or TvOne, not really sure, but "Babyboy" is on. He gets all excited. He tells me how much he loves this movie. I was kinda surprise because of his age, that he loved this movie. I was significantly younger, than him, and I hated that movie. I don't say anything, because it was his place, and to be honest at that moment I really didn't care. I was just thinking, how can I get out of here. I just was feeling the moment, and I really wasn't feeling him. He was nice and all, smelled nice enough too, old school smell but nice. I just didn't want to be there anymore. I just didn't know how to say I've changed my mind, "I gots to go!" To bad Ms. Emily Post doesn't have a book on Sex Etiquette. I would love at that moment to read a chapter in titled...How to tell your soon to be sex partner you've sorta changed your mind about sex and want to leave. I just didn't want to be mean. I chopped it up, to I've come this far, might as well follow through. My thoughts were interrupted with Robby saying, "So let me see that dick and balls!" My sweat talking Prince Charming...he really knew how to set a real mood.

I gave it a What the hell, I'm here now attitude, and unzipped my pants. He went digging inside, to find, I guess what he was looking for. For the next few minutes, we both are looking at the television, like two dummies, as he has his hands down my pants. Now trust and believe I wasn't exactly looking for romance, but even though I'm a guy I needed something more than this. This was one un-sexy moment. I decided, that if I'm going to stay, I need to make the best of this moment and take control of this, and get what I need. I take his hands out of my pants, and just go ahead and take them off. I follow suit and take his pants off of him, he then takes them from me, and meets the pleats and folds them. That tickled me, for a second. I got on top of him, and took control. The foreplay, was actually not that bad, I was surprisingly happy. In the midst of that, we lost the remaining of our clothes. For early Fifties, he unexpectedly didn't have a bad body. Well it was firm at least. After a while the smell of his aftershave, was beginning to suffocate me though. I believe it was aftershave and not cologne, because it smelled a bit more alcoholish, than cologne smells. Things were done to me, things were reciprocated. When he does this flip-a-roo and puts me on my back on this love seat. Yes, we still were on that love seat, different angles and whatnot, but still there. So he has me on my back, kissing my neck, which I liked, until he starts to dry hump my leg. It was bad at first, until he climbs higher, where his head is higher than mine, and my face is buried underneath him, in his chest. There we were, me literally suffocating, and him humping my left side of my body like a damn English terrier.

This only went on for a few minutes, until I pushed him off of me. A little control given, and this is what he does with it. For a minute we are both sitting there looking at the ceiling, probably thinking two completely different things. I decide to take control back , and I lean back on top of him, and that's when he tells me he needs a second. He says he just needs to catch his breath. We sit there for a couple minutes, when I noticed, he wasn't hard anymore. I reach over and feel him, and I feel him. I ask him, "Did you climax already?" He gives me a strong "No!" I then ask, "Then how come you have came?" Now grant it, it wasn't much, but it was definitely essence of a climax. He replies "That it was precum." I inform him, that that was a lot for precum, especially since his soldier was down and out, from the battlefield. I go on to tell him, I really don't care if he came early, I really don't need it. Let's just finish me off, so I can go. He once again tells me again, to just give him a second to regroup, and re-energize.

So I sit there, with my hand proping up my head, as I go back to watching "Babyboy." Its at that point where Jodi just realize that his girlfriend stole her car back from him. As I'm sitting there watching this annoying movie, I go back to thinking about myself. Here I am butt ass naked, sitting on a love seat, in a strangers place, still unsatisfied about things. Still not getting that feel good booster, that I was trying to receive the couple nights prior. Wondering, how in the world, did I get here, naked and annoyed. I was snapped out of my thoughts, by a loud, yet familiar sound. I turn around and Robby is sawing lumber, that Paul Bunyan himself, would be envious of. I just couldn't believe this Negro is dead asleep and snoring. That's when I officially knew it was time to leave; 30 minutes to late but, definitely time to go. I began to pick up my clothes and get dressed. I put everything thing on, except my shirt, that is under him. I awake him, as I push him off of my shirt. He asks me, what's going on. I tell him, that I'm leaving. He doesn't object or anything, just says, Yeah it's real late, I have to get up early in the morning, it's probably best, that I leave." I don't know why that didn't shock me, his terrier ass got his satisfaction, and I was no longer needed there.

He throws on his draws, and tells me he will walk me out. I tell him no need, I'm a big boy, I know how to see myself out. With that I left. As I made that walk of shame to the elevators, to the front door of the building to the parking lot, I just shake my head and ask myself, "Well was it worth it?" As I make my way to my car I pass by his, and see all the leopard skin covers, that he has put all over the seats and interior of his Lexus. Thats when it hits me, tacky sex behavior, from a tacky man. I should have figured out from the get go.

I wish that was the end of the night, but I would be lying if, I said it was. However, that was not the worst of it all.I told you guys from the beginning, that I hit in my opinion rock bottom.I may be falling, but I hadn't hit rock bottom yet.

After leaving Robby, I made another bad decision. Even though I just left one guy, I still wondered what if about another. I should have taken my but home after that last waste of time, but I didn't. I went back to the after hours place where I met Robby at, to find that light skin brotha. By now that place was shutting down for the night. I don't know why I went back,I just knew that ole boy had left already. When I pulled up, there were several groups of people all over the parking lot talking. I got out my car, and shocked to see standing near the entrance, that light skin brotha from earlier that night talking to a couple of people. Even though we made that DL eye connection, and head nod a couple times, I wasn't exactly sure if he was just a friendly jester straight guy, or if he really got down. He noticed me looking at him. I did the head nod thing once again at him. He didn't respond, instead he gave me this almost sinister amusement look, as he headed my way. When he made it over to me, he opened with what's up. Trying to feel each other out, during the what's up?...What you up to?...Nothing, just chillin back and forth portion of the night. he then tells me about how he is suppose to meet up with a few of his friends, could I give him a ride. Of course I obliged.

As we ride, in my car, we start to talk about earlier that night. He mentions, how he saw me earlier staring at him. I respond, that nobody was staring at him. It's cool, I mentioned how I was going to say hey to him earlier until he disappeared. He tells me, that it, was me that disappeared, not him. He asked me, where did I go. Knowing that I pulled back up in the parking lot, and that I had obviously left .I just tell him, that I had some business to take care of. His next respond knocks me for a second. He says, "So that's what you call leaving to go have sex with someone...taking care of business?" Stunned by his respond. I play Bill Clinton, and act like I don't have a clue what he is talking about. I say, who says I went and had any kind of sex with someone. He response is, "Well what did you and Robby do?" He once again comes back with more shocking revelations. I however keep with the, what are you talking about attitude. He says "Robby....who has a black Lexus, with gold trim." Now I'm just confused here. How did he know about what kind of car Robby drove?...and most importantly how did he know I left with him? I don't respond though. I just sat quietly and drove, as I take it all in. He goes on to say I saw you two. I get real defensive know. I ask him, "What do you mean you saw us?" He starts to do a mischievous laugh, and reveals that he saw me and Robby talking outside. Then me later giving him my number, as he typed it into his cell phone. Then us leaving at the same time, me following him down the street, in the same direction.

I was in pure disbelief that I was unaware, that someone was intensely watching me. At that moment I know the jig is up, so I admit, that what he is saying is true. Curiously I ask him, how does he know Robby. He informs that, it was him that Robby was trying to hit on 10 minutes before he met me. He then starts to go on and on, about how he would never get with Robby, because he has done some real shady things, to a friend of his. I tried to get him to spill what kind od shady things did he do, but never got to that. He then adds that Robby is just a big old girl, and who would want to get with his old girl ass. I think about Robby's place, and itgets me torn, how he is right about Robby. He then continues to say, besides he was hitting on multiple men that night straight and otherwise, before he approached him, but no one was foolish enough to fall for it, especially the way he was dressed, he asks me, did I see those pants he was wearing.I didn't respond. Just silence, until he realized what he said. That's when he continued, with"Well except you." The cloud of shame began to rain on my head. Have just left the place of a man, that was hitting on everything with a dick that night, but nobody got with because his reputation, and here I was trying to get with another person, back to back. He then asks me that question I was hoping he wouldn't. "If you left with Old girl Robby and obviously did something, why am I back there, and now riding with him?"

Not sure how to answer this,I think for a minute about this question. Painful as it was to hear, him ask the same question I had for myself, but probably under different reason. He wanted to know for curiosity reasons, I had this question for myself, because I just didn't understand my own behavior. I respond the best way I know how, I tell him, that I guess I just didn't get what I needed. He then informs that the real reason, is I'm just a freak, and Robby didn't know how to get me off like he could. I looked at him. This guy who was just about a couple years older than me, looking street fab at his best, I knew that he was probably right. I knew that he could get me off great. I then made the first right decision of the night. I tell him, that I better go home. Shame about tacky Robby, and the fact that he knew about the whole thing. That I was about to get with him, knowing, that he knew I had just got with someone else, even if I didn't climax, made me feel horrible. I mean I could still smell Robby's aftershave on my skin, and here I was about to get with another dude. After hearing what I had to say, he grabbed my thigh, and said "To bad, this feels so thick I can just imagine how thick that ass is under those jeans." Not that he would even get anywhere near that region, if we did get down. I just smiled, and continue to drive.

We when pull up near where he was suppose to meet his friends, we say our goodbyes, and he says maybe next time. I respond maybe. When he opens the door, I for the first time notice his friends standing outside this building. I am horrified, at what I see. I ask him, is that his friends he says yeah. There is only four friends, but out of his four friends. I have gotten with two of them, in the past year. One of the once but like back in January, and the other a few times last year. They give me a head nod, and wave at me, at the same time. Then look at each other confusingly, then at light skin, as he shuts my door. In the next minute all that is exchanged is confused yet knowing looks. Before anything else is asked or mentioned. I tell Light skin I have to go, and I take off. Knowing that I was going to be the big topic after I left. I just felt like I could just crawl under a rock somewhere a die. Not that I was going to be talked about, but that my hoeish behavior has really came back to hit me in the face.

All the way home I just kept thinking about the whole night, and it just made me so sad, asI thought about myself. Then I kept thinking about, who else haveI gotten with, who knows someone else that I know, or thatI have gotten with. I just knew that that night was a whole new low fro me, and I knew soemthing had to be done about it....

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Six Degrees of Hoe Seperation... Part 1 of the Trilogy.


In the last couple of weeks, I have been on a personal journey, from hitting my hoe peak, to being trying to be actively abstinent to falling off the wagon, eventually leading me into a new territory of feelings. But since it's been a while since I've talked about that, Let me start my new revelation journey, from the beginning. THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ONE!

They say when an addict hits rock bottom, that's usually when they are ready for a change. Well I have officially hit rock bottom. I joke about my hoeish tendencies but I think now it's official, it's more than just some tendencies.

It all started I think a couple days, after Make Me Feel Good html post. Speaking of that particular post.
I have an O.M.G UPDATE: If you guys remember I mentioned this guy.That I wanted to reach out to. I hadn't talked to him, in like a year in a half. I was looking for his business card, and everything. I never called him, after our one night stand, like I told him I would. Let's call him RJ. Well one day not to long ago. Me and my cousin, that I mentioned was out, and he was talking about, how he is always networking. He was flipping through these business cards that he had recently gotten. One instantly caught my attention. I tell him, to go back. He flips back to this one, and I can't believe what I see. It's that guy, I mentioned. He's working for a new company, but he had that same goofy picture on his business card. It wasn't so much the picture was goofy, but more so his smile was. My cousin asks me, do I know him. I quickly give him, I think I might, not sure. I was just shocked that I had been thinking about RJ, and now here my cousin has his business card. I mean talk about believing things into happening. To bad that doesn't work with money. I ask him nonchalantly, where did you meet him. He thinks for a minute, and he goes on to tell me, about the night, where I stood him up for dinner. See, my cousin one night around the Make me feel good post, offered to treat me out to dinner, to cheer me up. He was going to take me out to Friday's. Why taking me out to his favorite place, was going to cheer me up,I don't know. Now that I know about that whole credit card thing. I see just how much he really did love Friday's. Anyway I was suppose to meet him there. I show up, and I don't see him anywhere around the bar area. He calls me to see where I'm at. He says he's there too. I then assume that they must have seated him. He tells me no, he's at the bar. Long story short. He is at one Friday's near his job, and I'm at the one near his house. The one I thought was his favorite. I head over to the one he's at, and on my way. I decide, I'm just not in the mood, and call him up, to get a raincheck. Well apparently, while he was waiting for me. He over hears RJ's and his female business associates conversation, and gives them some sound and great advice, on their business issue. Their types of businesses mingle together. When I called to tell my cousin, I couldn't make it. They all three decide to have dinner or drinks together. If I had shown up, I would have seen him in person. I'm not sure if that is a blessing or just bad luck, that I didn't run into him in person. Either way, they are talking about doing business in the future. I wanted to reach out to this guy so bad, and now here I got his telephone numbers, and I don't know what to do about it. I never mix my lifestyle and family together. I just don't have a good feeling about it, now that they might be doing business together. On the other hand, now that me and my cousin are not speaking to each other, this might be just fine to look him up. I'm still stuck with what do I say to a person, I promised to call the next day, and waited until a year and a half to do. Anyway back to what I was saying.....
I guess I was still, in the search, of that ultimate experience, that would take my sorrows away, or at least make me forget about them, for the moment. Anyway I went out to just see what popping off, and what not. There is this after hours spot, that is in between block wise, a gay club and a straight club. Let me cut to the chase, for some reason around that, a lot of DL men hangout there or around there, among the straight. Well I initially see this attractive light skin young thugged out nigga, we did the eye contact head nod thing for a while, until he disappeared somewhere. While I was looking for him, this guy comes up to me, and just starts talking to me...I was totally who the hell is this! I didn't know what this fool had on, and he had the gaudiest gold frame glasses on, his S-curl had a little to much activator in it or something, and lastly he had gold teeth...that really told his age. I'm going along with this little small talk, not really interested, still trying to find the disappearing light skin brotha. I leave to go home, and head outside. Robby, I would later find out his name to be, who is about late 40ish to about early 50ish... a little old for this crowd, I must say. He follows me outside. As I am still looking for light skin brotha, I tell Robby, I'm about to roll. That's when he asks me for my number, I look at him like are you for real. I give him the how do you know I get down like that response. He told me he saw me looking at a couple men... that doesn't seem like straight behavior. He had me there. However, I was still going to give him the polite no thank you response. Right before I was going to respond, he whispers in my ear... something about wanting something nice and juicy in his mouth, then walks off and leans against his Lexus., which happened to be parked next to my car. I don't know why, but I decide to go talk to him some more. Let me just get to the point... I gave him my number, and agreed to follow him back to his place. Even though a part of me, wasn't feelin' him.I just chopped that up to me being judgemental, about the way he was dressed, he waht clean and neat looking, just tacky and old school looking. However I think about it, and I decided to give him my exact words, an unenthusiastic, "Why the hell not."

As I'm following him, I keep telling myself.... take your butt home, you don't want him. There is a part of him, that kinda creeps you out. This is not a good sign. You are not going to get what you need, or even want from this fool. However, like I've said before, that R. Kelly in me takes over me... My mind is telling me Nooo, but my body....my body is telling me yeeeah! I mean I just over ride what my heart is saying, I have been so off key this year as, it come to my instincts about different things, that I decide to go against my instincts. (F.Y.I., is before the whole cousin fiasco, and we know where that got me.) But just on the up chance, that my instincts about this guy being so creepy is right...as I'm following him I text myself his license plate number, car model, and when we get to his place, his address; and I leave my cell phone in my car, just in case they find my body somewhere, when they find my car hopefully they will read my last few text messages, like they do on Law and Order SVU.

Now that I think about it. I don't think it was a creepy, he's going to kill me kinda vibe, I was getting, but more so, he's a creepy old perve, kinda vibe. For example, as I'm following him home, he calls me from his cell, to talk dirty, over the phone. Now I'm not a dirty talk kind of person to begin with, but the way he was saying things...was just not sexy. Things like, "I can't wait to rub your balls all over my face, and make you shiver." I was shivering all right, from nauseousness. I mean he was literary making me sick. I told him, "Look I'm already agreed to follow you, we really don't have to do this, over the phone, it's not necessary." By the way, all the freaking, nasty things he was saying, didn't get done at all. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing, but it was surely false advertisement. There was no balls rubbed all over anything, let me just say that!

When we finally get to his place. I follow him inside, and as we are going up the elevators. He mentions how I look nervous. Now I don't know how I looked, but I know how it felt like I looked. I could feel my face being crunched up; I tried to get rid of it, but I couldn't. I could just feel my face looking like I have just smelled, some sticky cheese in the room. The thing is I had finally really paid attention, to what this fool had on. He had on these lime/mint green wide leg silk dress pants. That wouldn't have been so bad, if he hadn't had on this black and gold 1996 Versace-esque looking silk shirt on with it. I just shook my head, but I hadn't seen nothing yet.

Let me describe this fool's apartment or condo. Not sure what it was, but I really got a condo vibe from it. It was actually right large, and the building it was in, was only 3 floors, his was on the top level. I really just got the feeling it was a condo. Anyway when he opened the door I was ambushed with two things. The first thing, was the old people smell. You know the smell you get, when you visit an old person place. You don't know exactly how they get it, but they have that smell, like moth balls and liniment. The second thing was this oldies music, he had left on, that was flowing from every room through the speakers, in the wall. I believe the song that was playing when we arrived was, the Temptation's "Poppa was a Rolling Stone." He told me to make myself at home and sit down. That was easier said than done. Let me describe his main Living room/Den/Family room. It was a combination of Early Century Old lady, and Modern Contemporary Tackiness. I mean there was lace dollie like table cloths on all the end tables. Nick knacks up the ass, all over the room...porcelain this and that...gold lion statues. H e had these ugly panting or picture on every wall.I 'm not sure if all of them were painting, because most of them looked like velvet. He had plants all over the place. I counted 11 in that room alone. I mean big fern and vine like plants hanging and sitting everywhere you look, and that wasn't even counting the eight Chinese good luck plants he had on his fake fireplace. Yes..he had a fake fireplace, that wouldn't have been so bad, if it was against the wall. I mean it was a good 4 inches from the wall, and had wires coming from behind it. I mean doesn't that dispute the point of it. Isn't it suppose to resemble a real fireplace, what fireplace have you seen , where it's four inches from the wall. Now I'm not going to say he had a bear skin rug in front of it, but I will say, that he had a white baby cub bear skin rug in front of his fake fireplace. I didn't even know they made baby cub skin rugs, but he had one. It had the head and paws, and everything. I guess he had it to match his white leather love seat. Beside the two Queen Ann chairs, to go with the white leather love seat, that has crotchet pillows thrown all over it. I think he could had room for a real sofa, if there wasn't so much crap in that room.

I got so caught off, by his place I hadn't even noticed that he had taken off his shirt, and was sitting beside me on the love seat, with his shirt off, and just his wife beater and those green pants. He has this stupid grin on his face, and that gold tooth shining, at me.

This is getting to long, I will finish later!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget Cousin

My original post was suppose to be called "Six Degrees of Hoe Separation," but do to an emergency venting posted needed. I will have to save that for next time. It was going to be on an update about my current sex life, and my unsuccessful attempt to remain abstinent for a little while.

Last night I blogged a little, I made a few comments here and there, and then I wrote my next post. I got tired before I finished, and decide to get to it this morning. Last night though, after I got offline, I decided to read a little mail, while I watch T.V. Most of it was credit card applications, one however, was my Visa credit card bill. I actually got it Saturday or Monday...can't really remember, but I didn't open it. I know when my payments are usually going to be, they always fall on the first 6 or 7 days, of the next month of receiving the bill. Do to this, I don't see a need to rush to open it up. I know some people open their bills as soon as they get it...i.e. my mother.

So I casually open it, and what I see, I can't believe my eyes. I recheck to see if, it's really my bill, and it hits me, that I saw my name on the first page bill, that faces out the envelope. On the first page in big bold letters, at the top, I see the words, that just has the air ripped right out of me....Current New Balance $4339.07 dollars!

Sitting there shocked and stunned, I keep telling myself, that this can't be true. My last bill was only $1200 Dollars, how in the world did it jump over $3000 more dollars. Then I realize, the one of the biggest mistake, that I have ever made, I lent my credit card, to my cousin!

Around the last week on May...I believe it was Memorial day weekend....well anyway, he told me, that he had some money, but he wanted to know if he could borrow one of my credit cards, because he was taking his girlfriend out, for the night, because she had been going through some rough depression, and it was a day, she wanted to get out of the house, and have a little much need fun, out on the town. Now I did know that she had been going through some things, and had a little depression going on. So I reluctantly agreed, as long, as he didn't put to much money on it, and he kept tract of what he spent. After that weekend, I kept mentioning my credit card to him, and his response was always, he didn't have it. He leaves it at home, so he wouldn't be tempted to use it.

Unfortunately, he was a failure at this attempt. I mean this bill dates state, that in less than 20 days, he managed to put $3,000. To me this is crazy. Unless your last name is Hilton, Richie, or Olsen, I don't see how you can run up a credit card like this. Now my cousin , is your typical, champagne taste, but now on beer budget. He is literally the guy who drives a Mercedes, but doesn't have gas to put in it...he is the guy, who buys expensive suits and shoes, but literally doesn't have the money to get all of the dry clean only clothes out of the cleaners. Loves to be a big show. He does okay business wise, but is always crying broke. Now I know why.

So, my shocked and stunned,moves to anger real quick, its about 11 at night, but I start calling his phone like crazy.My voice was actually horse today, because of all the screaming, I was doing. He never picked up, because at 10 his ass is knocked out in bed.

I just kept reading all the different charges. P.F Changs...$80 .... Cheesecake Factory $50...ABC store $70...Fridays $80...Fridays 60....Fridays...%75... I mean this nigga stayed up in some Fridays...BK music $65.... O'Charleys $85...Blockbuster...$30...I mean how many movies did you rent. The list is endless. Gas and food, and a through in of a little entertainment. I mean you can tell his whole day, buy the places he went...Like $10 at a Diner...Breakfast, Friday's $60 at Fridays for lunch...the same day $85 at Outback. Multiple days like that. the few times he went to a McDonald's or KFC, it would be a bill like $11 and $22 at fast food places....When I told my mom, she said, well he sure wasn't eating off the value menu.

I think that's the big thing for me. I would still be angry, but I think I could understand, if it was things he needed. Not one time did I see a large purchase at the super market, just image the groceries he could have bought, with one day of all the restaurant money. Not once did I see a water bill or gas bill payment... The only bill he paid, was his cell phone bill...yes this nigga had me paying $80 for his Intelos bill. The thing is during this whole credit card fiasco, he borrowed cash from me. He running up my credit card, but borrowed money for his electric bill.

I finally got him on the phone at 9 this morning...figuring the shit has finally hit the fan. He had the whole thing about he was getting a paycheck advance, from his boss, for a thousand... and on his next paycheck on the 30th, he would have another $1500 for me. This is probably all true, but I can't help but wonder, then what...what about your rent, and your other bills, that I'm already helping you out every now and then. I asked him point blank, how much more has he put on it, since the last date that was on the bill, he said that was the last date. Not another dime since.

I called the Visa company, afterwards, and the automatic system, said that my current balance, was over $5000 dollars. The strength in my knees just left. I just sat in the chair, and I started to cry. I know what some people may say, because of that, but I did. I know some people have diffeent views as to whether a man should cry or not, butI did..I guess I'm not a real man then. I don't know if i was because this happen from someone I trusted....because he lied.... or because I knew I would never see the money from him...over $600 of the original $1200 was because of things charged for him. Or I don't know if I started to cry, becausee I was going to have to do, what my mom, and my aunt told me to do, which was to report the card stolen, and if he gets locked up, as they told me, so be it.

Every since this has went down last night...I body, just seems so tired, and all I want to do, is sleep. So I'll keep you posted I guess.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Then there was Tavis... not the end of the road yet.


Okay, as some of you know, my last Book of the Moment, was Tavis Smiley's, "What I know for Sure," and after reading it, he became an instant role model for me. Now I don't want to be him, or necessarily do what he does, but it made me want to kick up my drive for greatness; which I don't think I have been doing. The book just hit home personally for me, and I love this brotha now. Now we all have those guys, that we physically think are sexy, your Shemar Moores, your Tyson Beckfords, your music artist of the moment, or actor whatever... but mine right now, would have to be Tavis Smiley. I think it has to do, with all that smarts, witt, attitude, and empowerment, he poses, but I think he is sexy as hell, to me right now. I find as I get older, there is something so sexy, about intelligence.

I struggle so much with myself finding my true destiny and calling. That thing that I love to do and I am great at doing, because at times I feel like I will never find that wonderful element about myself. In his book Tavis talks about how he was good at several things, but it was hard for him to find that Great thing, about himself. He talks about how certain events and people, helped him to discover that public speaking, being an orator and debater, was his calling.

So just like me reading his book, for me seemed like it came at the right time, the fact that I found out the very next morning, after finishing his book, that he was going to be in town, on a speaking tour, felt just right. I felt like maybe this was destine, for me to attend, his speaking event. It mentioned, that there would be a special lunch, for the first few, who registered online, for tickets. Now the speaking event was free, and sponsored by Nationwide Insurance, but the free registered tickets online was needed to attend the lunch. I quickly got online and registered for my tickets. It asked whether you were a nationwide policy holder, yes or no. I said no, because I wasn't, and didn't really think any more about it. They asked what I would like my badge name to say, and I put my first name. They sent me a confirmation email, and I thought that was it. I thought that I was going to meet Mr. Smiley, and that over lunch he was going to give me some personal advice and encouragement, about discovering that greatness about myself.

For about a week and half, I was so excited about how I was going to meet the illustrious Tavis Smiley. I prepared for this event, a head of time. I ordered a new hardback copy of his book, that I recently read. I usually only buy hardbacks to begin with, butI had a paperback, it was on salend didn't think i was going to care for it really, so I went ahead and bought it some time back. I had my new book on ordered and delivered, for him to sign. Friday I went the barbershop, to get an edge and clean up, on my hair. I also contemplated getting a new outfit, to just look on point. The problem was, I didn't know if I should dress up, or go casual. I really don't have business casual anymore. I use to, but when I stopped working at a place ,that encouraged more of that, in the fall, I donated most of those clothes. I didn't want to over dress or even under dress. Before I went to the mall I checked out my closet, and realized that I had bought like four new button down Sean John shirts, earlier this Spring. I settled on this french cuff, royal blue and black vertical stripped shirt, a pair of black dress pants, and black leather dress sandals. I wanted to look great, but effortlessly, like I wasn't trying to.

Now Saturday morning, I was looking good, if I say so myself. From the clothes to the hair, to the skin...my skin was looking like butta, baby... just pure smooth butter. I was looking good, feeling good, excited, that I was going to meet and and talk to my new hero. Now you couldn't have told me with a million dollars, that morning, that I wasn't going to have a conversation with Tavis. Not even a little mini five or six minute conversation. I was excited as I drove downtown to the convention center. After a long look for parking, that wasn't going to cost me some just $10 dollars for two hours. I found $5 dollar all day event parking. I went through the huge lobby, and escalators, and whatnot to the huge ballroom/convention room, where he was at, with my book and notepad, to write down the things he said. How cheesy is that?

There was about 200 to 300 hundred people there,I was on the fourth row, good close personal eye view of him. He was very amazing to watch and listen to. He had everybody's undivided attention. I was just in awe at how moving he could be. He was enlightening, charismatic, funny, and intelligent. He talked about how it was not important about when we are born or die, but how we live our lives. The important thing on your tombstone is not the year you were born nor the year you die even, but its that dash in the middle that is the important part... that little dash, is the biggest thing of your life. It's not about who you were, but how you lived your life, and the legacy you leave. He talked about economic state of this country, he talked about Obama, and his love for him, even though he is hard on him. He says that he has to be, to keep him aware of the black state. That Obama is going to gave to remember to keep the balance between the great struggle of all men, Truth and Power. He brought up his mentor and great hero Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., just like I knew he would. He talked about this great man, who as he calls him, the greatest patriot that this country has ever seen, over any president and philosopher. Him talking about him, lead to the final thoughts and points, about how life comes at you fast and to be prepared..which brought in the whole Nationwide Insurance thing. They were the sponsors of the tour no less. Dr. King although was a great man and did so much for others, he forgot about certain things for his family, which was insurance. Even though he knew his time was coming up fast...the mountain Top speech for example. Tavis talked about how Coretta Scoot, didn't have any money to pay for King's funeral. How Harry Belafonte paid, for Dr. Kings funeral. Even though the whole Nationwide tie in, it was necessary for blacks to here it, because we all have family, who there was a time, when someone didn't have money to bury somebody else.

In his closing remarks, he stated, that after they let out, he talked about the luncheon, that he was attended, and those who were going, and he talked about those who wasn't there were three great workshops, they could attend, one on investing in your future, one on getting your family protected and insured, and one on working for nationwide. I wasn't interested in any of that, just on meeting Tavis at our lunch. He sat down, and the MC from Nationwide got up, and thanked him, and asked the people who were Nationwide policy holders, to stand up. It looked like it was 25 or 30 people, out of the couple of hundred. He told them that if they had registered for tickets, or hadn't but wanted to attend the lunch, they could go through certain doors. Where I found out he would be signing his new book too, so I was even more excited. Then he thanked and dismissed. I was a little confused at first, as to why the MC hadn't acknowledged those who had registered for tickets, but wasn't Nationwide policy holders. As people left the room. There was a huge networking event set right outside that convention room about Nationwide Insurance and other large minority based organizations booths set up. I wasn't interested in any of that, just meeting Tavis at that lunch. I went to the door, that was holding the luncheon, where there was several Nationwide employees and officials.

Here's where the story takes a not so great turn for me. Well I get to the door, and they are inquiring about my Nationwide policy, policy number and agents name. I inform them, that I'm not with nationwide. They in return inform me, that I couldn't attend the luncheon, because I wasn't a Nationwide Insurance policy holder. Still trying to keep my same positive high, that I was having after hearing Tavis speak, and the overall experience. I counter inform them, that I registered online, and received a confirmation email, that I had tickets. She informs that the luncheon is STRICTLY for Nationwide policy holders. So I counter attack, with, so why if that was the deal, then why didn't it not state that?...or why did it even send me a confirmation email, when it read that I checked "No", for current policy holder. They then in return counter, with that's just was it does and how it is. Before I could counter with anything else, they dismiss me, about going to the other workshops, how they have food set up in each workshop, how it is just the same. getting indignant now, I say "Oh really, is Tavis going to be in those workshops to, will he be signing copies of his new book too, and will I get to talk to him in these workshops?" She gave me a simple "Well, No." So I was like then its not the same.

After that a lady came up to me, about how would I like a souvenir picture of myself with Tavis Smiley. My was back, I thought. When taking the picture I would addresshim on my injustice. She told me that all I had to do was register to be solicited by Nationwide, on insurance. They needed my license and telephone number. I gave her the information, and she escorted me to a line, with a camera and lights and a screen behind. The photographer was taking pictures of just the people. I asked the lady, where was Tavis. She said in the computer. That the screen was a green screen. That they digitally place me right beside Tavis. I could pose anyway I wanted, beside him. I was silent, in me trying to register the nonsense of what she just said. So I was like, so I don't physically get to take a picture with him. She responded "No, he's busy in that luncheon." Frustrated by what she just said and the whole thing, I took my digitally imposed picture anyway, and left.

I left to go think for a second, about my next move or plan of action. I kept thinking about how in his book Tavis never gave up on certain situations. Like when he went to college, with nothing but a suitcase and a acceptance letter no money, no financial aide, or even without sending the a student enrollment response, to the letter. However he stayed and wouldn't leave, until someone at the college helped him and he was enrolled as a full time student. Then there was the time that he wanted a job with the mayor of Los Angelos as a college student. He bombarded the Mayors office with hundreds of letter, telegrams surprise visits from Indiana, and whatnot until they responded to him, and gave him a internship. I then decided to talk and portray my situation to every person I saw with a Nationwide badge, that wasn't in a nationwide Insurance T-shirt. I was looking for suits. I went to black, white, male and female, they all gave me the same run around. The last one, who was a black female. I old her it was unfair to those people who were insured with other companies before today. Why should I be punished because I was insured with another company, auto and life..even though I'm 22, have been for a few years, now. She said, that it was just how it was, but I was more than welcomed to go to those FUCKING! workshops again. I didn't want to here about another DAMN! workshop. I thought about sneaking in, and whatnot trying to let the inner groupie in me out, they always get in to meet their point man, but I didn't. Feeling crushed, I just left feeling defeated.

I just don't have that, won't take No for an answer personality. However as I drove home, I told myself that I may not have met him that day, but one soon I was going to meet my Tavis Smiley.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

What I Know For Sure


Now, I have stated before, that I don't have favorite books, but more so favorite authors. I generally love a writing style and a point of view of an author,and the different books, are just icing. However, if I would have to state a book as being one of my favorites, this book would definitely have to go on that list. I don't mind saying, I loved this book!
I remember staying up at times watching Tavis Smiley, when he was on BET, and I was probably in middle school, back when BET tried to appeal to more than just black music videos and comedy. Back when they had a nightly news show also. I've continued over the years, even have watched his PBS show a few times, and listen sometimes to his commentary, on Tom Joyner, but this book shed a whole new light on Tavis Smiley, for me.

"What I know for Sure", is the autobiography of Tavis' life up to now. Like a lot of other books, I had this book for some time now, but never really got to reading it. To be honest, I wasn't even sure I really wanted to read it, it kinda seemed like something I would find boring, plus it was paperback, which bothers me. I had bought it on sell, and wasn't really sure why. Don't get me wrong I like a nice biography, if the person seems interesting enough. I've read Bernie Mack's, Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance's, LL Cool J's, Janice Dickerson's, and the list go and on. However for some reason, I couldn't muster up the will to read it, but this past month I decided to get it over with. Just like a record of Martin Luther King Jr.'s speeches, helped him, this book, his book helped me. His drive to be the best Tavis he could be was a light for me. It truly was an inspiring, encouraging, thought provoking book, on a wonderful black man. While getting over with the task of reading this book, I found a new personal hero, for me, in the process.

The book takes us, on the journey of Tavis' youth, as one of 10 siblings to a struggling military family, up through his college years, to his career in public office, to his television and present day commentary career. He was very open a vivid on many accounts. At times, I felt like I was reading a fellow blogger's blog, than biography, which I didn't mind. Most of the book settles around his strict Pentecostal upbringing, and life as one of the few blacks in a rural part of Indiana. There was many accounts that stand out for me. From him finding out at the age of 11, over an argument over Soul Train verses The Bionic Woman, that the man he knew to be his father his whole life, was not his biological father; to the beating punishment, that would change his relationship with his parents forever. However you know that the best stuff, was the inside information on just a couple various famous names. One of them being his first interview, on BET, with Russell Simmons, and the huge drama, that Russell gave, which ended in a short interview over the phone, where Russell Simmons calls him a House nigger, on live national television. However, the best would be the real low down on BET and its creator Bob Johnson, and the real deal as to why Tavis was dismissed. All I will say is that tension can run high, when your demeaning boss literally calls himself a God, and in return you tell him how he can shove things up his black ass; even if you are the highest rated show on his network, and have yet to see ratings like it since.

Now the one issue I had, was, even though he was very open about everything personal, in his life, the one thing he stayed away from was his romantic personal life. He mentioned two girl friends, through this book, briefly about one in college, and the other was one who broke his heart recently, in his early 40s, that he gave no real deal on. Not saying he had to go in all details, but it was so washed over, and so unemphasized, that I felt kinda jibbed on that end.

Even though for the intriguing stories and interesting moments, I think the real reason I enjoyed this book the most, and it means so much for me, is that it came to me at a time, that I think I needed it the most. It never failed, that when I picked it up to read a portion or a few chapters; it was something going on in his life in that part of the book, that hit close to what I was going through at that time. From the time, he was having serious issues with his parents, I was having very similar issues as I've posted back in May, with mine, to the huge public family embarrassments, that you feel is hard to come back from, which I haven't talked about yet. In all of this I found a somewhat kindred soul, that I really related to. His intelligent and comical thoughts and views on the lessons he learned helped me tremendously.

I have to say that perhaps, if I read this book at a different time, that it might not have made quite as much as an impact, as it did for me.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Moment of Truth


Tonight is another episode, of one of my favorite shows, Fox's The Moment of Truth. The objective of this game show, is that for you telling the truth on 20 questions you receive a jackpot of up to $500,000 dollars. So what they do is gather information about a person's life, from that contestant, from the friends and family, and sometimes co-workers of the contestant. With that information, they make 50 yes or no questions, then ask that contestant those questions, while they are on a lie detector machine. Then they chose 20 of the juiciest questions and answer to ask them, on the show, in front of their closet family and friends, on T.V. It's usually those kind of answers to questions, you normally would never get.

I think I love the show, because it is absolutely something I personally could never do, even really for money. I have started to develop, in my opinion some serious skeletons, that I could never unleash on television. Now I think that it is that old philosophy, that people love to watch a train wreck. You hate to see it happen, but you can't turn your eyes from it. The juicier the question and answers the more you are intrigued. During the winter season, that was a lot of publicity about a contestant, who probably ruined her marriage, over $100, 000, because of a question about, whether she wonders if she should have married her ex instead of her current husband. Her answer was yes I believe.

The show is filled with questions like that. Questions that you are sure people have asked themselves several times, and even thought it. However most would never admit it, unless the marriage ended, or something of that nature. They are so many choice thoughts, that people second guess about others in their life also, but would never vocalize. Like one girl was asked once, the question... Did she think her best friend who was a musician, and wanted badly to be a professional musician had what it takes to go professional...now even though, I'm sure she went to most shows and gave much support and encouragement,to her best friend, over the years, her honest answer was No. The friend looked devastated. The premise of the show, is how truthful are people really?

What gets me sometimes, is when they have a contestant, who is willing to tell the truth no matter what, to get the money, they are described as, their most cold hearted contestant yet. They won't stop at nothing or don't care who they hurt, to get to the jackpot of $500, 000. I get that that's a marketing ploy to get people to watch more, or to tune into next week, but there is something to that theory. That's the same thing that is in real life. When you have somebody, who is honest to the bone, with no barriers, about themselves, but especially about others; they are not usually just considered really honest and truthful. They are usually considered or portrayed as cold hearted, brutally honest, bitches, or just plain ass holes.

As children, we are taught they honesty is the best policy. That you should never lie, cheat, or steal... and so on. However, most are also taught, that if you DON'T have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. So in my opinion most people grow up to be so conflicted, as to be truthful, yet don't saying anything that isn't nice. To save people's feelings, lives, or to just save lives from being too hate and anger filled.

This brings me back to my lifestyle, and the fact that so many are against the fact that someone, lies about their sexual orientation. But the fact is, that so many of us have secrets, and unexposed thoughts, that we hide, even from our most loved ones. They even started to get to that once with one contestant. They went to int questions, like had he ever watched more than a few minutes of gay porn, and had he ever had sexual feelings about his best friend, a guy who was part of his friends and family on the show. He was truthful about yes to the porn and no about the feelings towards his best friend. He may have been right about the friend, but that doesn't mean he had had sexual feelings about another man. What things are you hiding, that if you were placed on a lie detector machine could devastate someone in your life.
On the show the family and friends of the contestant has one time option, to replace a question, that they think, the answer could be devastating, or to much irrevocable damage. One simple yes or no answer, that could change their lives, or the way they see that person ever again. I've seen it twice. Once was a guy, who had so much hurt against his mother, who for years didn't like his wife, or even approved of the marriage, because they married so young. He still had hidden animosity towards her for not even showing up to the wedding or wearing black or something..I can't remember. When the questions were becoming so hurtful to the mother, his kids stopped the questions. Even though on the surface it seemed that he had moved on from those feelings from 20 years previous, he still had un-vocalized secret feelings. Another time was about a guy who may have stolen form the family business, his brother stopped the answer, before the contestant could answer. Even if they asked them off the air, the real answer, you would never no for sure if he was telling the truth.

It all comes down to one thing for me... Would people rather be blissfully ignorant about the people, in their lives, or sorrowfully in the light about things? Could you handle or others handle that moment of truth. I'm not so sure, anymore, especially about myself.
UPDATE:
Well I just finished watching tonight's episode of, The Moment of Truth. I have so far received several comments on this post so far.Which I appreciate, every single one of them. Somethings I would like to address, on later, in a future post.
Tonight there was two contestants one being a EMT. Who from the first question to the last I thought was an absolute asshole, because of his answers. From him being a fat people hating person in the medical field, and not washing his hands all the time, to the fact that he is ashamed of his religion of being a moron, yet would never marry his Jewish girlfriend...who by the way thinks has a nice personality but not the prettiest girlfriend he has ever had. I mean every answer made him look worse and worse. I don't think I have ever heard the audience boo as much as they did to him and his answers. The second contestant didn't make it as far, and actually lost $10,000 on a question , that after 13 years of marriage, has she lost some sexual attraction for her husband. I knew she was going to get this wrong on the mere fact, that she kept repeating the question, as if she was trying to convince herself, that she had not lost any attraction towards her husband.
The bases of this post, was to talk about, What is the real cost of the truth? I'm not even talking about being on the show, but more so in life generally. Are we even being honest with whether we want the truth form our selves or others. Could you handle hearing that your spouse has lost some sexual attraction toward you, or that the man you love, doesn't think you are the best looking thing he has dated. Or if you found out the sexual history or past of a love one, could you handle the truth?
This all gets me thinking about something new shocking revelations about someone in my family...f.y.i. not me, but someone in my family. After hearing all of the nasty details, my mother for instant, said she still loved that family member to death, but could never, ever seem them in the same light. She was not the only one to feel this way. Brings me back to...Is it better to be blissfully ignorant on the truth or sorrowfully in the light, on the truth?

Monday, June 9, 2008

Resurrected by Ashanti?

Lately I have really been in the mood for the melodies of the ladies. Although I have been and still been rocking Eryka's latest album, that's really been it for me. I wasn't feeling Mariah's new album... it was definitely not another Emancipation of MIMI, and that's been it this year, as far as the women go. Basically only the men have really been representing, and even then it's mostly been Neo-Soul. I really don't like Usher, so that's it for the R&B, right now...Lyfe Jennings and Raheem Davaughn's albums, has been aiight. I was originally going to make one of them my Album of the Moment, that is until Tuesday. Tuesday was the release of Ashanti's new album, "The Declaration." I ran out first thing Tuesday, and have been rocking this joint, ever since. To be honest I really never owned an Ashanti album, I heard them a couple of times, and I liked a couple of her single's but never enough to buy her album. The whole I really never thought she was that great of an artist thing, is was used to stop me. However, this album has put me in a whole new light of her. What new producers outside of Irv Gotti, and age to a voice can do, for a girl. Sadly but true...I love this album. Her voice sounds better than every, even her baby's sound better. She says it's her most personable album yet. I don't see how that is, because to me she's not talking about anything all that personal, but I still feelin it. My joints are "So over you", "In these streets", "Body on me" feat. Nelly and Akon.




Just like the album of the moment, my Jam of the moment is a little surprising, but I love "Lookin Boy remix" by Hot Stylz feat. R. Kelly. Every time I hear this song, I find something new, and hilarious about this song. Like the other day it hit me, what the line 'No Chris No!... Raz B lookin boy!" meant. Well the fact that Raz B said he was molested as a child, and his former manager Chris Stokes, is rumored to be gay, and loves the boy acts...which I guess led to that line. Then there's the "Ricky!!!...Morris Chestnut looking boy"...which is talking about Boyz 'n the Hood, when Morris Chestnut character gets shot. I really love the remix featuring R. Kelly when he is talking about the looking girls..."Shaba Racks looking girl" I know I would love the original version to this song too, which is "Lookin Ass Nigga, but I don't think I would buy their album though, just love the song.




My other Jam of the Moment is still "Let Go", but temporarily has been replaced with "Not About Us" by Noel Jones presents the City of Refuge Sactuary Choir. I absolutely love this song. It gets me going every time I hear it. I love seeing them perform it live, hearing it Everything. So right now, "Let Go" will have to be replaced by "Not About Us." ...Because it's not us... is about Je-Sus.







I was in a little Jilly Scott mood lately, that's why she's my Throwback of the Moment. Not exactly real throwback age, but still an older album. I like to listen to this album at night, or when I'm in the bath tub or something. I think this is one of my favorites from Ms. Scott. I have to tell you I'm usually right about artist, but I was wrong, in this instance. I figured that when this album came out, she would be a one album wonder. I didn't see her still being here, like 4 albums later, and in acting roles.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I'm Coming Out!


I get so in grossed in reading other people's blogs, that at times I realize, damn, I have stuff that I need to write about. I have a lot of recent and past things over the last few weeks, that I wanted to talk about. I finally wanted to some what talk about the things going on in my family and whatnot, and then there was this thing this weekend, that has officially changed me, the list goes on and on. The thing that bothers me, is that I feel like I'm either talking about something sexual or something serious, but its all me. I guess that means that's who I am at this stage of the game...Serious Sexual...or perhaps Sexual Serious...or a Dose of Double S.

That's why this Theme of the Month couldn't have come at a better time. Now it feels like, I just talked about last month's theme, Fighting. In fact for me, that post was only a few post ago. At first I was like, why is that, but then it hit me that there was a a week or two that I really didn't feel like blogging or anything, for that matter. The theme this month that the lovely Lady Nay blog, has come up with, is Most Embarrassing moment. Now not saying that I easily get embarrassed, but I feel I quite of few shares, why did that happen to me? moments. I get that "Boy, you so crazy" comment, from a lot of people, but that's different, because it's on my own terms. The embarrassing moments are not!

Like I said earlier I have quite a few moments, but there is one that, really seems to resonate in my mind. Picture it Orlando, FLorida...2004...family vacation...resort hotel...look at me I'm that little old lady from the Golden Girls, Sophia...lol Anyway, we were in Florida on vacation, and even though we had quite a few pools and amenities at the resort. Me and my cousins, wanted to go to this water park. We got in and the place was crowded. Which is to be expected for August, tourist season. Well I was wearing these new swim trunks, that I had 't wore since being in Florida. They were black surfer style trunks, with big red and yellow Hawaiian looking flowers. They had these laces up the front of the crotch. Well after being a the park, for I want to say about 35 or 40 minutes, we decide to get on this raft ride. It holds about 6 people, and you ride down this slide, tunnel, loops, and stuff. Well they pared the three of us, with three other riders, who we didn't know. I jumped in excitedly, like everyone else. Do to it being a raft, we are each suppose to hold on to two little side handles, or we could be thrown out. Right before they are about to send us out. My cousin, looks at me and gasps. She's looking at me in terror. I ask her what's wrong, and she has this look, like a mixture of she's in on some kind of funny joke, and horror. I look down at my trunks, where her eyes are at, and I can't believe what I am seeing. Apparently, when I jumped into the raft. I may have jumped a bit to excitedly, because I had managed to split my trunks open. Not a little bit...not between my legs...and not even in my butt area, but a large rip, dead smack in the front. The fabric, had split from beside the laces at the top, to all the way between my legs. The only thing holding my "package" in was that white net underwear, that comes inside of swim trunks. Now here's the thing, I know a lot of guys who wear boxers or underwear underneath their trunks, I unfortunately am not one of them. I always thought that was stupid, still do for that matter, but at that moment I wish I had. I don't think you actually could see the individual twig and berries, but you saw, my flesh, skin, color, and pubes...yes, and my pubic hair! Then my other cousin, his attention gets focused on what the fuss was all about, in a matter of Milli-seconds everybody including the three white strangers, were looking at my white net wrapped package. I quickly grabbed the two torns pieces of cloth, and held it together. Right then we were sent down the long ride. So as we are going down this tumultuous ride, I'm holding the side handle with one hand, and holding my trunks, with the other. Every one's eyes were on me thinking... Was I going to fall out, in more ways than one or what? Hell even I was thinking that. Even though it was probably only a few minutes, the ride down felt forever. Then at the bottom, we would get thrown into a large pool of water, were all the raft gets turned over. As we are all in the pool under water, swimming to the top, before the next raft hits the pool...dazed as I'm swing to the top of the water and climbing out, somehow I forget about my trunks, however I'm real quickly reminded, when I see some woman's eyes bulge out, when she looks at me. I felt like dying right then, from the whole fiasco.

When I get out... am so pissed and amazed at the recent events. I rush to our lounge chair area, and wrap myself up, in my oversize beach towel. I just sit down and drop my head in my hands, as my two cousins are dying of laughter, as they replay and update my other cousin, who didn't go on the ride. All I brought with me was the pair of Sean John jean shorts I wore and changed out of, when we got to the park. I went to the beach shop, that the park had. Even though they had a shop full of crap , and things. They were out of men trunks... The sales girl..keeps telling me, but we are getting a new shipment in a couple days...like that was going to help me...I just wanted to smack that twit.
Do to the fact we took the resort transportation, that takes us anywhere we want to go, in the city, it wasn't coming back, for another hour or so, I just changed into my jean shorts, and sat in the sun, with my other cousin, who had an early visit from Aunt Flow, as soon as we got to the park. Even though she had the appropriate female necessities to take care of the visit. She wasn't going to take any embarrassing chances, by getting in any water. She had been reading a magazine she bought in the beach shop, laying on a beach chaise in the pool area, and my goofing tail followed suit, until the hotel transportation arrived.

It would be nice to say, that the Florida incident, was my only embarrassing moment involving my pants splitting, sadly but true, I can not. The other incident was, when I was a Junior in high school, with my very first public job, which was at a grocery store. I don't remember exactly what I was doing, but I think I was either replenishing paper bags, at the end of my line, or loading bags, at the bottom of a customer's basket. All I know is that when I bent over,I heard the rip. It was just like a sitcom episode, when a character bends over, and split. I went back behind my register, and tried to feel, if I heard what I think I heard. I couldn't tell, I wasn't feeling anything, and couldn't see. I turned around to the cashier, in the aisle behind me, Soni, and asked her if there was anything wrong with my pants. I turn around and she looks from her register and says" No, the cool!"Feeling better I tell her thanks. She then continues "Except for that huge rip down the center of your ass!" I couldn't believe that it happen.
I quickly turned my light off, and told my supervisor,I had to go home. She was this is a busy time,I can't just go home. I have another couple hours on left of my shift. I tell her, that I'm having wardrobe issues, trying to keep the embarrassing experience at a low. She looks at me, and says You look fine, no go back to your register. Frustrated, I turn around and bend over, with my butt in the air, and say, "Does this really look fine, lady!" She looks shocked at the whole things, and is speechless. I tell her, that based of her silence, that I take that as a yes. Without so much as one word from her I turn around and leave, and I tell her I will be back in 20.

There was this other cashier, Alexander, who I had been going to school with since the 7th grade. He was a more quite, yet very sarcastic, and nonchalant person. He over heard it all, and I don't think I ever heard him laugh as much as he did. He was laughing harder than anyone. Now Alexander, this chocolate brotha, had this big ole bubble butt. He was straight, well at least I think, I remember thinking, I would love to see that butt just bare. However he knew he had a bubble. Well karma is a bitch I tell you. Well a week later, him and his big juicy bubble butt had the same thing to happen to his cargo pants. The only thing is, he has some odd looking boxers wrapped around that butt. You know I had to give him a dose of his medicine.