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Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I'm Coming Out!

I get so in grossed in reading other people's blogs, that at times I realize, damn, I have stuff that I need to write about. I have a lot of recent and past things over the last few weeks, that I wanted to talk about. I finally wanted to some what talk about the things going on in my family and whatnot, and then there was this thing this weekend, that has officially changed me, the list goes on and on. The thing that bothers me, is that I feel like I'm either talking about something sexual or something serious, but its all me. I guess that means that's who I am at this stage of the game...Serious Sexual...or perhaps Sexual Serious...or a Dose of Double S.

That's why this Theme of the Month couldn't have come at a better time. Now it feels like, I just talked about last month's theme, Fighting. In fact for me, that post was only a few post ago. At first I was like, why is that, but then it hit me that there was a a week or two that I really didn't feel like blogging or anything, for that matter. The theme this month that the lovely Lady Nay blog, has come up with, is Most Embarrassing moment. Now not saying that I easily get embarrassed, but I feel I quite of few shares, why did that happen to me? moments. I get that "Boy, you so crazy" comment, from a lot of people, but that's different, because it's on my own terms. The embarrassing moments are not!

Like I said earlier I have quite a few moments, but there is one that, really seems to resonate in my mind. Picture it Orlando, vacation...resort hotel...look at me I'm that little old lady from the Golden Girls, Anyway, we were in Florida on vacation, and even though we had quite a few pools and amenities at the resort. Me and my cousins, wanted to go to this water park. We got in and the place was crowded. Which is to be expected for August, tourist season. Well I was wearing these new swim trunks, that I had 't wore since being in Florida. They were black surfer style trunks, with big red and yellow Hawaiian looking flowers. They had these laces up the front of the crotch. Well after being a the park, for I want to say about 35 or 40 minutes, we decide to get on this raft ride. It holds about 6 people, and you ride down this slide, tunnel, loops, and stuff. Well they pared the three of us, with three other riders, who we didn't know. I jumped in excitedly, like everyone else. Do to it being a raft, we are each suppose to hold on to two little side handles, or we could be thrown out. Right before they are about to send us out. My cousin, looks at me and gasps. She's looking at me in terror. I ask her what's wrong, and she has this look, like a mixture of she's in on some kind of funny joke, and horror. I look down at my trunks, where her eyes are at, and I can't believe what I am seeing. Apparently, when I jumped into the raft. I may have jumped a bit to excitedly, because I had managed to split my trunks open. Not a little bit...not between my legs...and not even in my butt area, but a large rip, dead smack in the front. The fabric, had split from beside the laces at the top, to all the way between my legs. The only thing holding my "package" in was that white net underwear, that comes inside of swim trunks. Now here's the thing, I know a lot of guys who wear boxers or underwear underneath their trunks, I unfortunately am not one of them. I always thought that was stupid, still do for that matter, but at that moment I wish I had. I don't think you actually could see the individual twig and berries, but you saw, my flesh, skin, color, and pubes...yes, and my pubic hair! Then my other cousin, his attention gets focused on what the fuss was all about, in a matter of Milli-seconds everybody including the three white strangers, were looking at my white net wrapped package. I quickly grabbed the two torns pieces of cloth, and held it together. Right then we were sent down the long ride. So as we are going down this tumultuous ride, I'm holding the side handle with one hand, and holding my trunks, with the other. Every one's eyes were on me thinking... Was I going to fall out, in more ways than one or what? Hell even I was thinking that. Even though it was probably only a few minutes, the ride down felt forever. Then at the bottom, we would get thrown into a large pool of water, were all the raft gets turned over. As we are all in the pool under water, swimming to the top, before the next raft hits the pool...dazed as I'm swing to the top of the water and climbing out, somehow I forget about my trunks, however I'm real quickly reminded, when I see some woman's eyes bulge out, when she looks at me. I felt like dying right then, from the whole fiasco.

When I get out... am so pissed and amazed at the recent events. I rush to our lounge chair area, and wrap myself up, in my oversize beach towel. I just sit down and drop my head in my hands, as my two cousins are dying of laughter, as they replay and update my other cousin, who didn't go on the ride. All I brought with me was the pair of Sean John jean shorts I wore and changed out of, when we got to the park. I went to the beach shop, that the park had. Even though they had a shop full of crap , and things. They were out of men trunks... The sales girl..keeps telling me, but we are getting a new shipment in a couple that was going to help me...I just wanted to smack that twit.
Do to the fact we took the resort transportation, that takes us anywhere we want to go, in the city, it wasn't coming back, for another hour or so, I just changed into my jean shorts, and sat in the sun, with my other cousin, who had an early visit from Aunt Flow, as soon as we got to the park. Even though she had the appropriate female necessities to take care of the visit. She wasn't going to take any embarrassing chances, by getting in any water. She had been reading a magazine she bought in the beach shop, laying on a beach chaise in the pool area, and my goofing tail followed suit, until the hotel transportation arrived.

It would be nice to say, that the Florida incident, was my only embarrassing moment involving my pants splitting, sadly but true, I can not. The other incident was, when I was a Junior in high school, with my very first public job, which was at a grocery store. I don't remember exactly what I was doing, but I think I was either replenishing paper bags, at the end of my line, or loading bags, at the bottom of a customer's basket. All I know is that when I bent over,I heard the rip. It was just like a sitcom episode, when a character bends over, and split. I went back behind my register, and tried to feel, if I heard what I think I heard. I couldn't tell, I wasn't feeling anything, and couldn't see. I turned around to the cashier, in the aisle behind me, Soni, and asked her if there was anything wrong with my pants. I turn around and she looks from her register and says" No, the cool!"Feeling better I tell her thanks. She then continues "Except for that huge rip down the center of your ass!" I couldn't believe that it happen.
I quickly turned my light off, and told my supervisor,I had to go home. She was this is a busy time,I can't just go home. I have another couple hours on left of my shift. I tell her, that I'm having wardrobe issues, trying to keep the embarrassing experience at a low. She looks at me, and says You look fine, no go back to your register. Frustrated, I turn around and bend over, with my butt in the air, and say, "Does this really look fine, lady!" She looks shocked at the whole things, and is speechless. I tell her, that based of her silence, that I take that as a yes. Without so much as one word from her I turn around and leave, and I tell her I will be back in 20.

There was this other cashier, Alexander, who I had been going to school with since the 7th grade. He was a more quite, yet very sarcastic, and nonchalant person. He over heard it all, and I don't think I ever heard him laugh as much as he did. He was laughing harder than anyone. Now Alexander, this chocolate brotha, had this big ole bubble butt. He was straight, well at least I think, I remember thinking, I would love to see that butt just bare. However he knew he had a bubble. Well karma is a bitch I tell you. Well a week later, him and his big juicy bubble butt had the same thing to happen to his cargo pants. The only thing is, he has some odd looking boxers wrapped around that butt. You know I had to give him a dose of his medicine.


Kat said...

HAHAHAH You poor, poor man! hahaha

Great blog. I'm a new reader (kinda) and I just love your posts!

Anonymous said...


I got a pant's rip story. We were in South Bend, IN at a club. I was leaning up against wall. What I didn't know was there was a nail sticking out of the wall that got hung on my pants. I took two steps and heard my pants ripped. They were ripped from in the middle. Luckly I had a jacket with me and tied the jacket around my waist. I'm so glad I did b/c there was no way I was going to be able to walk out without anyone seeing my panties.

YoungBlack&DL said...

Thanks Kat!

Sourthern Gal- I guess that's one of those things, that most of us, have gone through, at least once, in my case more than once, and lord knows if those are going to be the last.

Darius T. Williams said... this is pretty embarrasing stuff. I'm not sure I would have been able to handle it.

fuzzy said...

I must say that this post put a lasting wide grin on my face. I am gonna be thinking about this post for a very long time!

I have never had wardrobe issues like that. Only dirt issues with things spilling on me. Soup, coffee, anything messy that someone carrying that I seem to be around, they will trip, stumble and fall and I will be a mess! IT NEVER FAILS!!!

Carry a spare all the time! whether you think it necessary or not!

Queers United said...

came across your blog, leaving love

Opinionated Diva said...

I am sooooooooo glad I did not read this at work. I was laughing so hard, my eyes were watering. This was some serious belly-aching laughter here!

*still cakling as I type this.

The twit at the store...definitely would have given her a *side eye*

YoungBlack&DL said...

Darius-you would have handled it, just fine. You just have to pick your face up off the ground, and keep it moving.

Fuzzy- No I don't do the spills to much, I'm to dignified for that kind of stuff to happen. I just wait for my pants to bust open, or have my shirt ripped open, by a nail, that I pass on a door. That happen at school once.

Queer United I will have to check that out.

Diva- I'm so glad that my moment of embarrassement could put such joy and cackle in your day. ANd she got the side eye, the teeth grit, and the classic "heffer are you serious," look.

Suite B said...

oh damn...can you please start wearing boxers now...PLEASE

Ladynay said...

Awwwwwwww man! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now that was funny!