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Friday, April 10, 2009

Are We There Yet,Von?...So That's Your Baby Mama?

Okay well lets wrap up this long ass story, I have other things to talk about. I really thought I was going to be able to write this whole thing in one post, here I am on my third post and still trying to finish this story, but this is it!

So opens the door, and there she was. Then there she went, as soon as she opened the door, she took off. Leaving me and Von standing there, both not knowing what to do. Were we suppose to follow her, or just wait in what appeared to be the washroom/ pantry/ place where they put the garbage bag, before they take it to the dumpster room. We both stood there like two fools, not knowing what to do. I whispered to Von, "Are we suppose to wait here, or follow her?" He whispers back to me, "That I would know better than he would." Annoyed with his nonsense, I whisper back, "She's your baby mama, why would I know more than you?" Here we are standing by the washing machine and what appears to be last nights trash bag, debating in a whisper about who should know what to do. I swear when you hang out out with foolery, you eventually become your environment. We are interrupted, by Von's Baby Mama, when she tells us we can come into the family room and sit down, if we want. Guess that solved the debate. We go into the family room, or should I say, we followed her voice. At this point this broad has yet to turn on a light. Got us trying to feel our way around, like Ray Charles. I stand there for a minute, waiting for my eyes to adjust. I follow Von. we walk through the family room entrance. Von finds the sofa, and sit. I find the chair closes to the washroom and sit. Meanwhile Baby Mama goes into the backrooms. To be honest I can't remember her name, I think it started with a T, but I really didn't care enough to remember, so we will just continue to call her Baby Mama. Anyway, she leaves us, to go back to the bedrooms. Me and Von continue to sit in the dark. It's still quite early in the morning, and the sun hasn't made a peak yet. Both of us, just quite. Baby Mama, comes back out and still I can't see what she looks like. She walks passed me and goes to the flat screen t.v. It's near me. She turns it on, and that immediately lights up the room. Now I can finally see where I am at, and see her. She bends down to the DVD player, and I can see more of her than I imagine. All I see is booty and thong. She is wearing what looks to be low ride jeans and a red thong up on her hips. My first thought was I wonder who she wore this Little number I mean I have to admit, this girl had a ample backside, it truly wasn't being contained my those jeans. I just stared as it's up in my face, as she is trying to put a DVD in. I mean I got a full view, just booty and a little red lace triangle gripping for life. Truly not the booty I image seeing when this night started, but it was still a show none the less. She turns around and I finally get to see this chick out.

Okay, let me say once again, that I have met some of Von's other girlfriends. Not by choice EVER, always like this an unwelcome surprise. They were nothing serious, but still I didn't want to meet them. I'm not even sure if he had sex with them, but he had sex with this one. The evidence was in the other room. I don't know what I expected, but not sure if Miss Junk in the Trunk 2009, is what I expected. She was a dark brown skin cutie, not exactly chocolate, but around there who was about 5 foot 9 or 10 with long legs. Both her and Von kinda tall. She had these things on her head, not exactly corn rows, but something like that pulled pack into a ponytail on the side, with crinkles. She had the big gold hoop earrings to finish the ensemble out. The first thing she says is "Hey boy!" I knew instantly she wasn't talking to me. She said it with a look on her face, like she hated him, but her delivery was in a sly way filled with lust and love, like she wanted to jump him right there. I knew right then, that this was going to be a long visit. I just shook my head, and contemplated to myself, how do I get myself into the situations. how did I end up going out for a booty call, and end up roughly 150 miles away from home, In the deep Virginia country. In between the guy I was suppose to being booty calling it with and his baby mama, who looks like she could tongue him down right now. She pulls her eyes away from him long enough to introduce herself to me, and to thank me for bringing him. She leaves the room again. I turn my attention to the screen, it was a nice size t.v., about a 37 or 40 flat screen. Enough to really light the room up. I look all around. Not a bad double wide at all. Large family room, that leads in to the kitchen with breakfast nook, and leads into the dining room. All over the walls are paintings, with scriptures or biblical sayings. Behind me on the wall, is some sort of rug hung up, with a picture woven on it and yet another scripture woven into the weave. I see several group pictures of a girl and two boys, however the girl doesn't look like Baby Mama. Pictures of angels and Black Jesus are scattered among things, to finish the decor. I look at the screen and the intro credits, state that she put in a Tyler Perry play DVD. Yep this is going to be a real long visit!

She comes back out, this time though, with a baby in tow. A little brown skin baby boy about 6 or 7 months, with a look on his face, like he just woken up. His eyes wide open, and just looking back and forth between me and Von. I wish I can say I am kidding, when I say the way he was looking at the two of us back and forth with those eyes, I just truly knew he was thinking...This heifer done woke me up now, so which one of you is my daddy? I kept looking at him, like don't look at me. Baby Mama sits down on the sofa, beside Von and finishes dressing the baby. She is putting socks on him, and finishing buttoning up his one piece jumpsuit or whatever. He is just sitting in her lap. Von takes him out of her lap. She is protesting and warning Von, that he doesn't like new people, especially men, and is probably going to cry. Well I'm all for it, as soon as Von has a little father son time, the sooner, we can get out of here. I already warned Von before we came inside, that he had 15 minutes to bond with his son, grab a picture, before we had to go. I sat my cell phone out on my lap, and the clock starts now. As much as she warned, he didn't make one peep. Once again I chopped this up, to maybe he knew that this man was he daddy, and he felt a connection, and no need to cry.

I turn my attention back to the t.v. screen. Its Tyler Perry stage play, that I had never seen before, but some how felt I had. It was called, "Whats Done In the Dark", I think...I'm not sure, but it took place in a hospital, however the plot was very familiar to "Meet the Browns", the movie. The main character was just like Angela Basset character with the son, who plays basketball and gets shot, with the over the top no good dad, who won't support. I have said it once before, and I will say it again Tyler Perry stuff is same story, different plot. Meanwhile, back at the happy little family on the sofa. She is laughing and joking about how Von has gotten Blixtex all over the baby's face, kissing him. Before we came in Von used some of my Blixtex and put it on him lips. He was complaining about his lips being chapped. She thought this was so cute and funny...and Haha...and you so crazy Von...and blah blah blah. I on the other hand was steadily counting down. He has 10 minutes now. Von takes out his phone and then begins to take pictures of the baby, with his son. I go back to watching the movie, the David Mann character, Mister Brown has just popped up on the screen. I am interrupted, when I here Von say, "Yo Young, don't you think that... such in a girl's name?" I can't remember the baby's name either, right now. I think it was Jaden, or Layden, or Kayland...I don't know, something she said her and her cousin came up with. I wish this was the first time I have heard of someone coming up with a name in a group discussion with a cousin, but it wasn't. I just responded "I don't know". I really wanted to say, I really don't care, but I'm not outwardly rude person, I have home training. My mama taught me well. I just have internal rudeness, if people only knew what I was really thinking. I took this little time to ask Baby Mama, what was up with her and the time and direction discrepancies going on. She blames part on her cousin, she said that she had only comes to the city a few times every now and then, when she visit her aunt. She gets up and goes in the back to see what is holding her cousin up. She informs me that she will be out in a minute. I'm thinking, why do I need to see her, unless she has some better reason, why they don't know how to give good direction.

She goes in the back once again, to get her cousin. I sit there and look at Von, and the baby..uh I guess playing. I think Von was trying hard, but baby wasn't in no playing mood at that point. however we ever he saw Mister Brown show up on the screen his head would turn at light up in amazement. What can I say even babies love buffoonery too. Baby Mama comes back out with Baby Mama cousin. It was the girl from all the pictures, Baby Mama, must live with her and her family, some thick little girl with braids and I mean girl, because she looked to be all of 16 or 17, not sure, she could have been older, but I don't think so. Now call foolish, but for some reason, I think she brought her out here, for my benefit. Company for me, while her and Von, got cozy. I was not interested in cousin reject, so if that was the plan to detract me, it was stupid. I'm sure she was nice, but no thank you. I then began to grill cousin, or her jacked up directions. I was pissed about tonight and I proceeded to take it out on her. I know not her fault, and she quickly was one to state that. She then threw it back on Baby Mama, I then proceeded to rip her a new one. Asking her, why did she have Von to believe she lived in the 'Burg. I had been in the home for 10 minutes, nice Young was gone now, I had been polite long enough. She said she never told him she lived there, she always told him she lived in the country. She thought he knew. She then proceeded to say, that it's no but a 45 minute drive. Once again, what is up, with people and their timing. By no means am I a slow driver. I have the tickets to prove it, but even without the direction mishaps, this was a 2 hour drive regardless. I then tear her down on the nonsense that she must be thinking, about how 150 miles could be driven in 45 minutes. I kept getting, well that's how long it tkes us bull shit. She then mentions, that she was in the city, a few months ago, to see a pediatrician there, because the hospital where they live messed up the babies circumcision.

That litte bit of information, stops me right in my tracks. I ask her how did they mess up his circumcision. That to me seems like a one time chance. Not something you mess up and try again next. She goes on how they didn't do it right, and her aunt brought her to our city, to get a pedetrician there to fix it. She informs me, that it happened to her cousin too, and he had to come to our city to fix his...uh forskin issues too. I'm thinking ouch and what the hell. She goes on to say how she need to have it done, before she starts college. I look at my cell phone and it's now 5 minutes after cut off time. We need to be out now. Von has taken his pictures seen his baby, gotten blixtex on his little cheeks, time to roll. However when I look at Von and him holding his son. I feel guilty. That Maury Povich new chick feeling pops up again. I don't want to that person, that stops a father from spending time with his child, I have persoanl feelings around that subject. I then think to myself, well we have driven this far, might as well let him spend a little more time with his son. I think about what the Baby Mama, said about school, and I ask her about it. She just finished high school a month or so before the baby was born, and starts community college soon. I ask her about how hard it was to be pregnant in high school. I had a couple girls be pregnant when i was in high school, some it was hard,a nd some it was easy. I rememebr this one girl Cassie, it was a little hard, but she was really smart, sweet, and funny, and so many people made it easy for her. I believe we had a baby shower at school too, plus one outside. For some others it was not like that.
Baby Mama said, "It wasn't hard at all. In fact a lot didn't even know until I was 7 months pregnant and about to graduate. Hell I didn't even know until I was 4 months."
A little confused at that answer, I responded, "Um I'm sorry, but don't girls know a lot sooner that they are pregnant?"
"Well see what had happen was, I was on the shot. The shot takes your period. So I didn't have a period for 12 months. By having no period, I didn't think about being pregnant."
The journalist in me then started coming out, "Well, when you realize that you were past your 12 months, didn't it hit you?"
"Well, I wasn't going to go back on the shot, so I didn't even pay attention, to when my shot was suppose to end. I was like it don't matter when the shot is suppose to wear off."
I look down at the baby in Von's hands, and I say, "Apparently is did make a difference."
She looks down at the baby, and it hits her what I'm talking about, and starts to laugh. I'm thinking to myself Dang they just let anyone have babies. She then says, "I guess you are right....but at first I thought it wasn't going to make a difference, until I found out I was pregnant. Then when I found out, I was shocked. My mother wanted me to get an abortion."
"I'm sorry, i didn't know you can get an abortion at 4 months?"
"Yeah, some places do second trimester abortions, not many places though>"
"Wow...and what stopped it?"
"I didn't want to abort my baby, so I changed my mind."
She then goes on to talk about how at first her mother was mad and whatnot, thinking about kicking her out. Then her mother forgave her, for not having the abortion, and been there until the baby was born. She moved out though, because she said it was to crowded with her and the baby, and her mother and siblings, plus her mother's boyfriend and his kids too. She moved in with her aunt and cousins here.

By this time the cousin had taken the baby out of Von's lap, went and changed him, and had him in her lap. Von starts talking about what they had to eat. He was hungry. Baby Mama said nothing, if he wanted something to eat go to the store. I had to be honest,I was a little bit hungry myself, not that I would eat anything here, but not the first one of them had offered us a glass of water, tea, soda, kool aide, and this definitely seemed like a Kool-aide type of family. We are from the south, but there was definitely no southern hospitality going on up here. We had driving half the night to get here. I think offering a glass of water was in order. Every time Von mentioned something to drink, she said go get it yourself. She may have thought that was cute, but I didn't. Von, kept mentioning, how he doesn't live here. Needless to say, while we were there nothing was drank or eaten. Von eventually turns to me and says, when we leave, can we grab breakfast at McDonald's, and I agreed. I looked at the Cousin holding the baby, and while texting or doing something on her phone. She fuses at the baby for drooling on her phone, however never goes to get a bib. It's time for me to see this baby now, up close and personal. I ask the cousin, while she goes to get a bib, let me hold him. She gets up and sits him on my lap. She takes this as her que to bow out,I certainly hadno interest in talking to her, and made that clear, and she had see the baby's fatehr, so she went back in the bedrooms, never to be seen again except, when she came back out in pajamas to get soemthign to drink. Von and baby Mama, are in their own world on the sofa. The baby is looking at them...uh wrestle. Literally wrestling on the couch. Von was tickling her and messing with her. The baby just looks at them, and looks at me. I'm thinking to myself, yep, that's your parents!

I pick the baby up, and I'm looking at his face. Trying to see, if I see Von at all in him. I heard once that a child looks like it's father as a baby, it's mother nature's paternity test. Maybe that's a little old folk saying, but I was trying to see for myself. As I was looking into his face. His little bright eyes was staring right through me. He had finally woken up. He was smiling at me. I was ignoring it first, just trying to see if I saw Von at all in him. I kept thinking, well obviously he must have gotten his complexion from his mother. His little brown skin was nothing familiar to Von's light skin red bone complexion. I then started to think well maybe his head was shaped like Von, kinda round oval shaped. Then I thought his cheeks were chipmunk-ish like Von's, but maybe all baby's are. I was looking at nose, ears, everything up close and person, as he just looked into my eyes and sometimes laugh. Something about him I liked, just like his father. I thought maybe he was Von's baby after all. For what seems to be forever, we just stared at each other. I had him standing up in my lap. I was softening up real quick, I loved this baby, suddenly. I think he liked me too. Once again Baby Mama's theory was wrong. I was definitely new to him, but not so much as a whimper out of him. The only time his eyes would break from me, was when Mister Brown would pop back on the screen. I'm not sure if it was the vivid colors of his outfit or the crazy acting he was doing, that had the baby looking, but his little eyes would get wider. I was fun for him as well. I was the guy with all the zippers on him. He would just play with one zipper and then another. I had a bunch of zippers on my jacket. I had zippers on my Sean John Sweater also. Even when his eyes went back to the screen, he would feel all over my chest for a zipper until he found one and play with it, without his face leaving Mister Brown. When Mister Brown was gone, I had his full attention again. Every minute I was falling in love with this little baby in my hands. I couldn't understand it. You would think this was my first time with a baby. I see babies in my family, church, friends have babies, but something was different here. I can't explain it.

The way his eyes looked at me. At times it was as if we were having a staring contest. He would lay on my chest and just look at me as he fiddled with a zipper. I would stand him up, hold him in the air, squeeze his stomach, he would laugh like the Pillsbury dough boy, when I did that. Time just flew by, when it was just me and him. Every once and a while my concentration would get distracted when I heard a "Von stop it"..."Von, you so crazy"..."I hate you Von" every time sounding like a little school girl, in love. I would just ignore it and direct my attention back to little man in my arms. I couldn't understand what was going on with me. I thought I resented this little baby, but that wasn't it. In fact I didn't want my time with him to end. Time did fly by, before I knew it the morning sun was out. In the end I spent more time with the baby than Von did. I took pictures of him, with my phone. I pretended like I was making a phone call in case anyone was watching me. I might post them later. I sat him on my lap eventually. His right side of his body facing me. I faced him towards the t.v., while that right hand held on to a zipper. I finally start to get into the play, suddenly I felt a slump in my lap about 5 or 10 minutes later. I look down and the baby's head has falling forward. I was nervous at first, thinking well I should have supported his head. Then thinking, well he is at least 6 or 7 months old, he doesn't still need neck support, does he? He has falling back to sleep, without notice. I pick him up and turn him back towards me. He wakes back up from the moving and looks me in my eyes again. He lays his head on my chest, while eyes never break contact from mine. He just looks at me, until his eyes close again. He had an early morning. His sleep was interrupted. A minute or so later I feel him getting heavier. I can feel him breathing against my chest. He's out cold now. I love this moment, and for some reason I don't want it to stop. I continue to just sit there holding him. I get lost in thought. Maybe it's not the baby, or Von's Baby Mama, or even Von not telling me he had a baby, that upset me earlier, maybe it's jealousy that he had a son. I mean I know I'm not ready for one, or even thought about having one really, at least no time soon, but I loved the way this little boy, made me feel. Like I said though, I've been around babies, so this is nothing new, but he did something for me. I can't help but wonder will this ever be me. My thoughts are interrupted by Baby Mama asking me, was he asleep. I tell her he is. I continue to hold him though. I realize, that as much as I want this moment to last. I need to get back home, because I have a day ahead of me still, and Von has a bus to catch. I call Von's name, and he immediately asks, am I ready to go. I tell him yes. Baby Mama takes the baby into the back and comes out. Her face is looking all down and sad. They apparently only did it once, but she has felings for Von, I can see it in her face. My mom once told me that mothers always have a special part of them, for their child's father, no matter how much they dislike them. I hate it. not that she has feelings, but that I have to see her having those feelings. She once him to stay, and for me to be gone. I feel guilty. I tell Von, I'll wait in the car.

A few minutes later Von comes out. We takeoff down the road. A part of me, don't wnat to ask, because of what it might mean about me or my feelings for Von, but I do. I ask him, did he have a nice good bye kiss from her. he said "We had a nice good bye, but you know Young, I don't kiss." I did know this. I then tease him about his liking of the young girls. He is 21 and loves the little young immature girls. Yeah the had a grown WOMAN's body, but she acted to immature to me. He then says soemthign that shocks me. "What you talking about she's not young, she's my age!" I'm confused now. I mention about her just finishing high school. He then says, "I think she failed once or twice". I correct him, if she was 21 and just finishing high school, then had failed more like 2 or 3 times. I kept thinking, with them two as his parents, poor baby. I wish I could take him.

We stop at the McDonalds, so I can go to the bathroom, and grab us some breakfast. Von is on the phone arguing with his grandfather, about where he was all night, and how he better be back home, before his bus leaves. I leave him outside, before I went in I asked for his breakfast order. Forever the man/child, he ask for hotcakes and sausage. I tell him he can't have those. He will not be getting syrup all over my car. He then orders bacon, egg, and cheese, with no egg. I know already, how he doesn't like egg. I grab our food, and we head back down the road. It was alot easier and faster going back home than coming, now that I know where we are going. Like I said it was 2 hour drive straight through. After all of that I really wasn't in the mood anymore. i didn't feel like taking out any sexual frustrations on him, on any backroads. I knew I could get him, if I wanted to, but for some reason it felt inappropriate, to do anything with him. All the way back down the raod I struggled, with my feelings about the baby, about Von and my feelings for him. I was struggling, because I think I might have feelings for him more than sexually. This night proved that to me, some how. I was struggling, with what those feeligns were though. I thought about him being gone for a few months, and whatnot. It was a long thoughtful ride back home. Von was quit too at times I wasn't sure if he was sleeping or just thinking too. No cat skreeching singing this time, just quitness and music.

We when got back to his house. We wer quit for a while. He thanked me again, and told me how much it meant. He told me, he would call me, when he got there, and that I would be one of the people he stayed in contact with, while he was gone. I told him okay. It felt weird for some reason. It's not like he was going to be gone forever just a few months, but we gave each other a pound and he went inside. And I left.

Sorry for it taking so long, for me to wrap this up!


Anonymous said...

maybe you really really like von and may want something a lil more than hey young lets meet up and exchange bodily fluids. maybe you would be open to having something serious and tangible with him but you know it wont work or you wouldnt be satisfied with him because he is immature and as you said is always in some foolery and that is something that you dont want to deal with nor should you have to. so be hopeful his two kids mature him and he gets himself together and maybe just maybe....

imma hope the kid grows up in wisdom and strength

FlyyGurl said...

YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR VON!!! exactly how deep are these feelings? And thats so different to me, how y'all just say bye with a pound. You dont ever want to hug or anything? And well, everybody falls in love w/ babies...its not something you can help. I try my best to stay away from them....

Anonymous said...

This subject took 3 long posts because it ends with you feeling confused and vulnerable. No one wants to admit to that. But hey, you can't change being human, Young.

And, you got nerve talking a about my post taking you on an emotional roller coaster. I feel what you, Von, Baby Momma, and her cousin were feeling. Ugh, the human being, so complicated.

And, to show you how much I care, I want to send you ALL some condoms.

Opinionated Diva said...

wow...i wanna see pics of you and the baby...shoot me an email.

i think you know that Von is always going to be Von...the dude who calls you out of the blue for an adventure of some sort. the fact that he didn't share some VERY important information with you, should let you know that you have to continue holding him at a distance...he has a LOT of growing up to do.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Opinionated Diva. Having a baby is some important shit you share with someone you care about. He didn't let you know about having a kid...not once but twice! Or is he just that slow?

It's so easy to fell in love with a baby. They are so sweet and innocent.

YBandDL has got Chris Brown's back said...

Ya'll all act like it's normal, for me to be sappy over a baby, I believe I said I come into contact with babies all the time, and it doesn't do to me, what it did this time, but anyway....

Sinful- I think you might be completely right about everything, but to be completely honest at times it seems that he wants more than a sex thing. I don't know what though.

FlyyGurl- I do have feelings, what kind is another subject. What did you expect, some long kiss goodbye, an hug perhaps? Ah hello you have read my blog before, and besides like I said in this post, Von doesn't do kisses...well on the lips that is. He supposedly didn't even kiss baby mama, but I'm not sure about that. Anyway the kissing t hing is yet other subject for another day.

Buttafly formerly Realhustla- Confused I know I was, the vulnerable I never thou ght that, I never think of myself as that. Maybe i was vulnerable after whole experience. I don't need the condoms, but apparently Von is the one who really needs it. I was under the impression that he always use condoms, it steming from some long story about his brother or cousin who got the clap, which every STD that one is. The human being is a very complicated thing.

Diva- I will try to email you the pics, or I might post them. They are not that good though. However I am not in the pics. I said I was discreetly taking pics of the baby, when I had him. How am I suppose to be discreet with me posing with the baby? Come on now!

You know I was thinking about it the other day, what would be be like 10 years from now, and I couldn't image anything but what he is now. I will sayit is never boring with him!

South-Here's the thing,I'm not sure if he pruposely didn't tell me, or if it really slipped his mind not to tell me. At times he very much seems that slow, but then when you hear that one of his side hustles is chess, becasue he's that good, and makes money from it, it leaves you stump.

he really has a short term memory thing going on, I sometimes chop that up to his high weed intake. The nigga can't sleep without a joint a day. His family knows it and it fully aware.

That Dude Right There said...

After taking an hour to read that, i'm just as confused as you are. I guess because I don't know you for real, I just don't know what to say about this adventure.

But I will say that I can tell that you have some feelings for this dude and he for you. That's just blatantly obvious. But I alsoagree with Opinionated Diva that you should keep him at a distance;both emotionally and physically.

Q said...

I agree with 'That Dude'. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE!

Anonymous said...

von my want something more but CLEARLY he is quite emotionally immature and inept to handle the feelings and expectations. i mean he hs two kids and doesnt seem to know much about whats going on with them. not that i judging him because i havent walked a mile in his shoes. but sometimes if you are astute and you know something wont work you decide to not undertake it he could be doiing that and if he's good at chess - well he must have something going for him!

flightofthescorpion said...

My two cents is to be careful not to romanticize whatever feelings you think you may have for him. Don't let yourself fall too far and don't let HIM see, FOR ONE SECOND, that you are falling because he's just gonna become that much more manipulative and you'll find it harder and harder to detach yourself from him all because of your "feelings". Emotional attachment is the hardest to keep in check. Protection is the priority. Trust me, I'VE BEEN THERE!! lol