It's official, I need to get a new hobby or distraction, that will take the place of men, because I've had it, with them. I really need t o find a new out source for my sexual energy. I need to find a positive distraction to sex.
This past week, I have encountered two men, that I wanted to get busy with. They were truly completely different. The first one was an uber' DL guy. I really didn't get that he was down with men, until we got back to his place. I initially started talking, when I mentioned something about him wearing a three piece suit, in the middle of the week, with know where dressy to go. He claims, that's how he dressed all the time...yada yada yada. The thing is he talked a lot. From his wife who he has been separated from, not divorce, for over 14 years (longer than they were actually together) to his two girlfriends... to the church he attends and plays for...too the band he plays with...to his job...the list goes on. He started talking about he just moved. He was sure if he made the right decision, and whatnot... long story short he wanted me, to see his new place. I wasn't sure at first, just met him, but I was getting those vibes in my gut. That DL radar thing I got, so I was like okay. When we get to his place, he starts acting weird, like he's not sure he wants me there. Its a row of first floor apartments, that I'm not completely sure, what look like on the inside, because his electric wasn't turned on yet, and it was night. All I could see was the couches, and boxes, because he kept the front door open, like he was scared. He was acting scared, and he had been the one who insisted... and I mean insisted I see it. His attitude of acting like he didn't want me there had been enough, so I was like you seem uncomfortable, of me being here, so I think I should leave. He was standing right at the door. He had never left that area. He just kept looking outside, like someone, was looking at us. He shut the door fast, as was like..."No, don't leave!" I was like why do you want me to stay, and why did you want me to come over here. Once again back to that uncomfortableness, he's like, do you ever mess with guys. In my mind, I'm like I knew it! I respond with a maybe, why? He unzips his pants, and digs in it, and pulls my hand to his dick.
Now let me say this was not a big man. He looked like he weighed every bit of $1.20. He was very slim, and not that tall. He suit jacket looked to be about a 38. However, what he lacked in size in his overall body, he made up for between the legs. I was pleasantly surprised. He brought my hand to his semi, for me to hold. There was another surprise, he had so much pre-cum going on, that you would have thought he had came all ready. So immediately I got excited in my private areas. I decided to take my time, now that I knew for sure he got down.
Now I asked him, had he done this before, just trying to feel him out, as to what he was comfortable with. He started freaking out, about me asking to much questions, and that he had neighbors. Now I was pissed off by this, because I barely spoke, compared to that chatter box, that night. Now that we are back at his place, he didn't want me to say a thing. We were already whispering, and was in the privacy of his own apartment. Every once in a while he would mention random dumb stuff, like he used to screw his neighbors girlfriend, back in the day. I let the talking comment override, as I tried to relax him. However, me touching him any other place, other than his dick, tensed him up even more. He didn't want to go over to the couch, he just wanted us to do whatever, right there near the door, so he could see through the close draperies, if anyone was coming, and might catch us...at 3 in the morning... with a door that had two locks and a chain. By every minute I was getting more and more frustrated, because it was him who came on to me. Although I'm frustrated I decide to go ahead, and give him a little sample, of what I got, thinking maybe that would calm him. Even though his dick is out, I go to unbuckle his plants, and let his pants down all the way. His butt freaks out on me again, saying that his dick is already out, and that what if someone comes to his door and his pants are down, with a guy, in the house. I look at him, like are you crazy. I calmly grab my jacket, push him aside, and walk out to my car and leave, as he stands on his porch watching me.
It's one thing to be on the DL, but it's another thing to be so uptight about it, that you can't even relax enough, to really enjoy the experience.
The next guy, was the complete opposite. I met him later on this week, and he was out. He was only the second out guy I've been with. Even though, through our eye contact ritual, I knew that he got down; I didn't know he was out, until I asked him whether he was married or not. After Bobby , I tend to ask that upfront. I also usually ask, what they are into. Whether they are top, bottom, versatile, and what they do and don't do. I give my levels of comfort to them also. This isn't very sexy, but I feel it's necessary; after many run ins, with guys that I'm with are complete tops, to late. He told me he was down for whatever I was down for. Remember that whatever I'm down for.
Lets skip to when we are getting busy. He tells me that he is a very sexual sensitive person, that's what the two nipple rings and the cock ring is for. We are orally taking turns, giving each other what is wanted and needed. That is until he cums. I lean back on my back, anticipation of my finale'. However I didn't get mine. He informs me that we are done, because we came. I inform him, that we couldn't be done, because I didn't cum. He says, once he cums that's it for him. He told me that he only pulled my pants off, and started going down on me to get to my butt so he could play with it.( I didn't let him though) That he really don't give head and other things, but he did what things he did just to move things along. He gives me this smirk, that spoke volumes...like I got you nigga, I got mines, now fuck off. As I dress I was muttering under my breathe like a bratty teenager. Things like niggas ain't squat...I see why there are so many under satisfied women, niggas try to get theirs and forget who they with... I can't believe I got played..etc.
Fast forward to me and my car parked next to his. I'm not going to lie I was pissed. I don't know who I was more angry with, him for playing me, or me for getting played. Either way I truly felt played. For some strange reason, I figured, by him being an out gay guy, that he would be different, than the dl guys, I'm used to. So here I was beside his car, contemplating doing damage. I kept picturing that smirk he gave me. I was debating between a stab to the tires, I had a blade in my car. Then I was thinking about remain my car right into his. I had been in a fender bender a few days prior, and although I had called my insurance company and they notify their body shop, I hadn't taken it there to get an estimate. I could do some serious damage and it wouldn't cost me any more than the $200 deductible I was already paying. Then it hit me it wasn't his fault, it was mine. Besides he had so many dents and bangs all over that old ass Mazda 626, that he may have not even notice
The reason I go through the bull, that I go through, is no one's fault but my own. The thing I've said many times to others, is that when you keep having SAME problems with others, sometimes it's not them, but you. The one common denominator between the uber'DL and out guy, is me. I'm not meeting them right, and doing things the way I should, and bull shit is my payment.
So I have paid up my past gym bill. I have decided, that every time I get that feeling, whether it be late at night or first thing in the morning. The thing I'm going to do is, go to the gym!