Tuesday, December 23, 2008
For some reason, this year,I can not get into the Christmas spirit. I truly feel like saying, "Bah HUMBUG!!!" I just am sick of it all. There use to be a time, that I loves this time of the year. Nothing I loved more than riding around looking at Christmas lights. I loved decorating our house for Christmas..liked having a better yard, than the neighbors, and them trying to step it up the following year, but us stepping it up even more the following. I loved shopping for others, picking out the perfect gift. I don't know, but shopping, is one thing i can do. I can pick out usually the perfect gift for someone. Either something they need, or something, they truly should have.I love the Winter, so this holiday, always felt right, made me feel warm inside. I love Christmas albums, my favorite being Bebe and Cece Winans' First Christmas. I love my family getting together, and having it's annual family argument about something from something cultural...to political...to biblical. Getting up and getting what I wanted, or what I asked for..or some years, what I bought on my parents credit card, and wrapped myself and put, "From them, To me" on it...last year they were generous...lol
However this year, for the life of me, I can not get into the Christmas spirit. I don't want to buy squat for nobody. Maybe it's years of me picking out the perfect gift and in return I get the disappointment gift. Screw that whole it was the thought that count bull shit, because to be honest for some I wonder what exactly was the thought. Last year, for some there was no thought at all...how do I know, because with my gift, came no gift from them...I got a few, "I got your gift coming after Christmas," and come February still nothing. I know this season is about giving and not receiving, but sometimes...I'm just tired of giving and not receiving. It kind of makes me feel like I love you, more than you love me. Don't get me wrong I know some don't have it to give, but...every year?... and well this year I'm joining the club. It's not only that I don't feel like picking out anything or even going to the mall, and thinking about someone else this year.
I don't give a rats fat ass about Christmas decorations...I wouldn't even put up a Christmas tree, if not coerce to. At times I feel like I can't wait to the new year gets here. A part of me wouldn't mind seeing some of my family, but a part of me is like if their nappy ass says one thing to me, is on like Donkey Kong...come on say something to me...I wish you would... I wish your black ass would! And if I here Donny Hathaway sing "This Christmas" one more time!, let alone Chris Brown with his little rendition...Boys II Men you too, take your Holy Night and Let it Snow asses and shove it... Micheal, you Jermaine and Tito take Jackie and Marlon and take that "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Clause" to next year, because this year, I ain't having it. I can't stand to see one more Christmas movie or song nothing. Take it away. I'm just not in the mood.
The only reason I have even been to the mall, is to buy my Aunt Cece gifts, to her grandchildren...My first cousins children. She says she don't know about Nintendo DS games...that's how it started, then it went from that, to while you are out...pick up this for me. I then bought here presents to her in laws, then for my other cousins, her other grandchildren, who are a 15 and 16 a boy and a girl..."You will know what the young kids are wearing more than I would and you have good taste...here's the budget go for it"
Why is it you always run into someone, you haven't seen in awhile, on the day you are looking your roughest. That's another thing I hate about this holiday, it brings people out to shop, that maybe you wouldn't normally see. So I'm in Express looking for a skirt for my 15 year old cousin. I see a girl I haven't seen, since literally the day we graduated...I wasn't looking completely tore up, but I was looking rough. I hadn't shaved in a minute...I just wasn't looking like I would want to look after not seeing some one for over 4 years. I tried to hide as she pass by me, and I thought I was cool until I take a pair of pants up to the counter, to ask a question about them. That's when I realize she worked there. She was busy with other customers, but noticed me, when her manager singled me out about the pair of pants I brought up, she told me that I wouldn't want to buy those, because when the sweat, they smell like fish...I left that comment and those pants alone. However of course Arie noticed me then, and I had to say hi. Her nickname in high school was black barbie, because she actually looked like the black barbie...From the hair, which was real down her back...to her smile...to her perfect C cup breast...she just looked it. It's ironic, but it was this same time our junior year in high school that I bought her a Christmas/Birthday gift. She asked me to get her a red corvette car...model size of course, and my black ass did it, I believe I paid $30 dollars for that car too. However on mine, I got a empty handed "Happy Birthday Young!" Hmmm...Anyway I feel like I have gotten off the subject at hand. I picked out a nice skirt, and called it a day, but not before running into two more people at different malls actually. I knew better, you never know who you will run it.
Part of it, is that people owe me money, why should I buy you something, when you owe me money! You know the only person I have not felt bad enough not to give to is the Salvation army. I have given good to them this year. I feel so guilty passing those bell ringers, without putting at least a dollar in. One day I had put a dollar in every place I went. I think at the end of that day, it was like 8 dollars. One day I tried to walk into a grocery store, without making eye contact with the bell ringer, and this negro had the nerve to single me out. He yells "Hey Brotha, Happy Holidays!" Can you believe him! I look around and there is white people walking in the same times as me, but he singles me out. I gave him a buck going in and coming out the store...damnit!
The only shopping I really have done for myself, is for myself. That's when I realize, I have got to go back to the gym.I haven't been to the gym in like 2 and half months, plus I have been eating comfort foods, which isn't bad it you work it off, so your boy has put on some weight back on. It feels like it just flew back on, I look swollen. I was going to the gym the other day, when I realize I had to renew my contract, the end of November. I'm going to wait until Christmas Eve, because I saw on the Today show, that Christmas and New Year's Eve, are the best times of the Year to join or renew your contract at the Gym, because it's the absolute slowest days at the gym, and they usually have quotas to feel a day, so they will do whatever to keep your business or get it, on those days. That's another thing about running into people during the holidays.
I will have to admit one thing. Things did change for minute. When I finally decorated and lit the tree Friday. I did get that holiday warmness, when I look at it...Maybe you just have to force yourself, and the spirit will come!
Anyway, I hope y'all all have a great holiday, I guess my next post will be the First of the year, more likely...who knows. I hope everybody in blog world has a great and safe holiday!