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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Happy 2nd Bloggerversary...Bring on the Terrible Two's!!!


'All I really want to say my darling today is a special day we call our
own so take me in your arms and hold me and tell me you love me
and I'll be there for you

Do you know what today is...
Do you know what today is...
It's our anniversary
It's our special day
Ti's our anniversary

Do you know what today is...
It's our anniversary made for you and me'

That's right people, it's that time of the year again. It's my 2nd Bloggerversary. Once again though I missed it. It was last week, however I'm doing better than last year, when I missed it by several weeks. Maybe next year I might actually get it on the right day. Well, last week I was extremely busy, and didn't get a chance to write any post or to really catch anyone else's post, so sorry. Hopefully this week will be a bit better....I said Hopefully, no guaranty, but there is always room for H.O.P.E.

Anyway to celebrate this year, I have decide to do something I said I wasn't going to do last year...which is by the way something I have never done here at Young,Black, and Down Low... I'm going to do a Answer and Question post. That's right people, You will be able to ask me any of those burning questions you have for me, if you have any at all. So fellow bloggers, commentor, lurkers, and blog stalkers, this is all your time to ask me what you will! I will do my best to TRY an answer them, for you. Just post your questions here or you can email me your questions, whatever you like. I think I will leave it open for a week or so. I will post in between...well maybe anyway. You know me by now.

I will post my answers in a week. Unlike some people, who shall remain nameless, Southern Gal, I will post my answers. I'm not going to have everyone ask me questions, then never...ever..ever post the answers to those questions. I'm not going to be trifling, like that...no sir. At least Lady Nay, when she did her Question and Answer post, and their was questions she didn't want to answer on her blog, which was a good portion of mine, she was courtesy enough to email me the answers. She just didn't answer any one's questions, like some Raggedy women....uh huh.
I will post my answers! However I wouldn't be me, if there wasn't some sorta twist. You will find out on my answer post.

So I look forward to all your questions, if you have any at all. The answer post might me a short post at that, if no one post or emails...We Will See.

Oh an Southern Gal you knowI love you like a fat kid loves cake. But for real you are trifling for not post those answer, it was like a year ago, wasn't it too?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Look-A-Uh Here, Old Lady!


So I didn't go into what number 13 was on my list, on the last post. I always get comment about how long my post are so I knew it would make it even longer. Anyway number 13 had something to do with number 1 on my list and number 2. Let me explain.

The other day I'm riding down the street and I can feel my cell phone vibrate. I'm driving and trying to fish my phone out of my pocket, by the time I get it, the phone stopped, and went over into my voicemail. I check my missed calls, and its this 1-888 number again. I have seen this number a few times over the past couple weeks. Not enough for me to really bother to investigate, but enough, now for me to really wonder "Who is this?" I listen to voicemail, and once again it's a message saying I have a collect phone call from the city jail. The one thing different is, during the part where the inmate is suppose to say their name; I think I here a familiar voice, but it wasn't clear, and I think they said my name instead of theirs. I have had my suspicions about who I think it is, calling me, but my gut is telling me who I know it is. The one confusing thing is, why are they calling me...you know from jail. That's new for them. I call their cell phone, their old number and the new number they started calling me last time we spoke. Like it has been doing for a least a month, both numbers are out of service. If I really want to get down to who this is, and at least narrow down my suspicion, I need to make one more phone call. I hate calling this number, and I tried going as long as I could. Here's why...

Hello?

Me: Yes, how you doing? Can I speak to Von?
Grandma: (I don't even need to ask who this is, because it's apparent, even though others live in the house, I know it's her.) Who?
Me: VON! Can I speak to Von?!

Grandma: Who is this?
Me: Y.

Grandma: Who?
Me: Y...YOUNG!

Grandma: What'cha want?
Me: (I thought I had made it clear, but apparently not) I wanted to speak to Von?

Grandma: What'cha want with him?
Me: Well, I'm a friend of his, and haven't spoken to him in minute...and well...wanted to catch up with him.
(See here is the thing...I've been through this before. She gives guys who call for Von, the third degree. Girls she gives the phone call right to him. I remember one time I called the house, and she told me he wasn't there, and hung up on me. Later that night he called me and told me he was home all day. She had been telling boys all day he wasn't there. I get it. She thinks I'm one of his hood friends. She loves him and thinks whenever a boy is calling him, they're looking to get her grandson in some street or criminal trouble. She's trying to look out for him. Here's the thing I have learned though. Von is grown. He is old enough to drive...even though he has no license. He is old enough to vote...even though he has never, and pretty sure he can't because he has a felony. He is old enough to drink...even though he has no ID, and still needs someone to buy it for him or he goes to some local corner store that sells it to him without one. Regardless he is grown, and he gets his own self into trouble, becasue...well...he is stupid...and a dumb criminal who doesn't pull off smart moves. Others don't get him in trouble...He does.)

Grandma: You ain't no friend of his. (That comment threw me for a minute, wasn't expecting it.)
Me: Well...yeah I am.

Grandma: You a Damn lie.
Me: Uh...I'm not lying...Why would I lie?

Grandma: You ain't no friend of Von...If you was a friend you would know he not here.
Me: Uh...Just because we are friends, doesn't mean I know where he is every minute, ma'am.

Grandma: If you was a friend you would know where he is!
Me: Well, that's why I'm calling to catch up with him.

Grandam: Well, friend of his...Von's in jail.
Me: (Well, that solves that mystery, but I don't act like I already suspected that) Jail?

Grandma: Yeah, jail...and you was a friend you would known that. Bye!
Me: Ma'am, hold on. How long has he been in there?

Grandma: WHY?!...WHY YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT?
Me: Just curious...I mean I talked to him earlier this year, in January...and I just wanted to know when he got locked up.

Grandma: YOU'S A DAMN lIE!!!!

Okay, at this point, she sounds furious. I mean I can actually see her in my mind, shaking with anger as she says those words. With maybe a cane in the air, with a fist. I've actually never have met Von's Grandmother...other family members, yes, but not her. She sounds like she wants to fight me in the street now.
Me: Excuse me?

Grandmother: You..Is...A...Damn...lie! You ain't speak to no Von in January!
Me: Well, ma'am I beg your pardon, but yes I did.

Grandma: No you didn't. Von been in jail before some January, so no you didn't speak to no Von, in no January.
Me: Well, ma'am I would have to disagree. I'm not sure when in January, maybe it was around New Year or those first week or two, but I spoke to him.

Grandma: Shut the hell up! No, you didn't.
Me: (At this point I'm getting frustrated...She is an old woman and I have been nothing but courtesy...I ain't got but a few more 'Shut the hell ups' and 'You a damn lie' left in me, at this point) Okay, ma'am, maybe I'm wrong...maybe I didn't talk to him in the New Year. I guess the last time I talk to him...was...uh...Christmas.

Grandma: Who the Hell is this Damn liar on my phone? You ain't speak to no Von in no December!
Me: (Now at this point I'm the one shaking from frustration. Now mind you, I'm still driving at this point. I'm ready to pull over, to have full concentration when I handle her old butt. I get it I called her, but now we at a wills about who is right. I'm mad...I think it's the way she is saying things or how she says them.) MA'AM! I know what I'm talking about here!

Grandma: Oh, you know what you talking about, huh? And what I don't know what I'm talking about then?
Me: Well...uh no...I...not...trying...
Grandma: Oh, you saying I don't know where my own Grandson is?...You saying I don't know how long he been there?...That what you saying?
Me: Well...uh..no...I'm not saying that...I'm spoke to him Christmas. That's all I'm saying.

Grandma: YOU'S DAMN LIE...You ain't speak to no Von in no January...You ain't speak to no Von in no December...And you ain't speak to no Von in no November.
Me: LOOK LADY!(Yeah, the Ma'ams where out the window at this point) I know what I'm talking about. Von, your grandson, called me the morning after Christmas. I was still in bed. He called to ask me what I was doing that day, because his grandfather, your husband, bought him a pet snake for Christmas. He wanted to know if I could come and pick him up and take him to pick it up from the breeder or whatever. I told him that if his Grandfather, Your Husband, could buy him a snake, then he could very well take him to pick it up. I said that if he couldn't then someone else in that house could. If they couldn't then he needs to do like Spike Lee says, and 'Get On the Bus.' Now I didn't image this whole conversation...It happened, and it happened in December after Christmas.
(I was so hot at this point, that I wanted to tell her off...Something like, that whenever he was locked up; when he get out to call me...I could use a good Blow Job...and he was so good at giving me head. Something that would for sure give her a coronary.
However, then I would feel guilty if something happen to her, while Von was in jail. Then if he got out he want to talk about his feelings, and Lord knows we had one excruciatingly long conversation one night, that I thought we would be getting busy, but all he wanted to do was talk about if something ever happened to his Grandmother...what would he do?...blah blah blah.So I wouldn't dare say anything liek that ot her, but I was itching.)

She remained quiet for a while. Not sure if she was debating about if she was wrong or right...Or thinking about when Von did go in. Not sure. All I know is she was letting me know either way.

Grandma: You ain't speak to no Von. Bye


She hangs up on me.

Well, regardless of how this conversation turned out. I now know, who has been calling me from jail. Here's the thing...I don't know why. Von has been in and out of jail since I met him, but never has he called me from jail. Even the time he was locked up for 4 months, for gun charges. He was looking at serious time there, but a friend of his, who was locked up to the wrap for it. They were facing like 10 years, and they added to their plea bargain, and he got out. He has been lucky, I'll tell you that. The only thing I can think of is his Grandfather and Mother are tired, and not trying to put any money on his canteen, and he thinks he will get it out of me...I don't know. He would be wrong if that's what he thinks.

However I have been wondering whether or not I should go see him. I mean he lives only 5 or 10 minutes from the jail. I could go visit him. It took me all evening after the phone call to think of his last name. I know the full first, not just the nickname but the last got me. It hit me, when I thought about when he got a ticket for possession of marijuana, while with me, and he had no ID and he had to give the cop his full name. That's right...another long story, I never wrote about, but I remembered his last name from thinking about that.

There is so many story I could write about Von...Even recent ones that are...well interesting. Maybe I should write about them...but what do you think should I go visit him?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Random 13 Things That Pissed Me Off!


I normally don't do random things post, but do to the fact that things seem to piss me off so much lately here goes random things that make me angry.

1. Why do people let senile...or okay partial senile old people answer the phone? If you have someone who senility is in question, don't let them be in charge of answer the phone all the time, especially if you have like 5 or 6 people up in the house. I will come back to this one later...

2. Someone keeps calling my cellphone from jail. I'm not sure if I can even except collect phone calls from jail, but if I could I keep missing them...bad luck or good luck? I don't know who is calling me, I have a couple ideas, sadly. I'm thinking three guys actually. One is a friend, that I haven't talked to in a minute...a real long minute too. It's a possibility it's him though. The next two guesses is two guys I have hooked up with. I haven't hooked up with a dude in a while so, not exactly sure, why any of them would be calling me now, especially from jail, but I guess what other time is their to reach out and contact someone, but when you have nothing else to do, but make collect phone calls, bet cigarettes who is going to get eliminated off of American Idol this week, and jack-off?

3. Some woman I don't know keeps calling my phone, for the past two weeks. Ironically I keep missing her too. I wonder if she has any connection to collect call from city jail. I keep calling the number back and it goes to voicemail. The other day I finally got some chick on the phone. I asked her, did she call my phone. She tells me I have the wrong number, and hangs up. I wonder if it's the woman of some man I have messed with, and she found my number calling it, thinking she is going to find some other woman...hmmm

4. What's up Jill Scott playing a 25 year older's mother in "Sins of My Mother" on Lifetime? Now granted I only watched the like the first 30 or 40 minutes of the movie, but still I don't get it. Jill is what in her mid to late 30s how is she playing the former alcoholic mother of someone in Grad school working on their doctrine. I mean I get how Jill has that whole matron momma look to her. She a big boned, big breasted black women, but does that make her the mother of someone 12 or so years younger than she is. Couldn't they give it to someone who could use an acting job lately...Robin Givens is trying to do more acting, She is older than Jill Scott. Loretta Divine plays mama's well. Lynn Wittfield could be some one's mama. I'm just saying it didn't feel like great believable casting.

5. Just because wearing a diaper as a grown man was cool, eccentric, and funkadelic in the 70s, does not mean it is today, especially if you are 55 years old? It just looks like you couldn't afford Depends, and lost your pants in the Greyhound bus station. The other week, I turned to Monique's show. Now I don't watch her show...at all! I tried the first few episodes, but couldn't stand it. She tries to hard, and it's not winning from her efforts either. Well, I turned to her show, to wait until Wendy Williams, show came on. That's right I actually like her show...not all of it but the first 20 minutes I enjoy. Anyway on this episode on Monique, she had funk legend George Clinton. Watching that reminded me about something another blogger Excitable Bore, wrote the other month about old singing legend needing to sit down somewhere, because their voices not being the same. I disagreed at the time, but poor George does. That whole performance was a mess to me. He was barely singing...He was just standing up their, looking like he had one foot into the nursing home yelling some incoherent phrases every 30 seconds; while his whole 20 piece crew sung and danced. One being some old dude from back in the 70's heyday, wearing a big cloth diaper. While this shirtless, and what appeared underwearless, low riding, bell bottom young guy with an Afro wig, the size of Rhode Island, was dancing sexually, and looks like he screws any gender with a hole. I'm not kidding, he looked like Studio '54 would have so been his place. He just looked like he had sex, at least once, in front of the whole Funkadelic crew...with what gender is in question. That whole crew look like they still are doing some LSD from '79. Meanwhile Monique was trying to dance the whole 5 minutes and looked winded, and again like she was trying too hard to dance. Like she was tryout to be on Soul Train with Don Cornelius. While Cornell West, American philosopher and civil rights activist, was dancing like he was auditioning for "House Party 9: Avenge of Kid N'Play."

Also, who wants to bet that George doesn't have that crazy hair sewed into his hair anymore? I think it's one huge wig to look like Funkadelic George Clinton hair. I mean that's understandable, who wants to walk around normally like that at his age. It's like Mister T, I once heard that now at his age, he does put on hundreds of chains, but wheres one big one to look like hundreds, except it has just one latch in the back. All about the appearance. However George Clinton's was tragic.

6. Okay, if I'm waiting patiently by the sample table at Costco, for the sample lady to ladle the Panera Bread Cheddar and Broccoli soup...YOU Do Not just walk up, with your dirty white fingers and pick up the next sample, while you look at me waiting. What do you think, I'm just standing their for my health? I mean don't we learn that in first grade, that we wait our turn. Then you going to stand there and look at me with you cock-eyed self. I don't care if your left eye is looking off into the butcher meat section, I know you see me giving you the stink-mean eye, with Both of my eyes.
Costco etiquette, if you see someone already standing there to get a sample, from the sample lady and she doesn't have a few sitting out on the tray, wait your turn to pick up a sample. DO Not just walk up and grab one and people are in line.

7. While we are on Costco etiquette...If the sample lady gives you in her best polite, yet attitude filled voice, that you should know whether or not you like something on the first sample, let alone on the 4th and 5th sample...then there is a a problem. While in Costco the same day as white dude snatching my cheddar and broccoli soup, these three black heifers are just standing around this one cart taking sample after sample, of these rotisserie wing-ettes. Saying stuff like..."Hmmm I just don't know if I like them or not, girl", and "Uh huh, I know what you mean. I need to try me another one just to figure it out". Each of them had a little pile of chicken bones in their hands. The sample lady is right I think you could figure it out that in sample one. It only took one wing-ette for me to know they were nasty and undercooked. I was so embarrasses to be black in that moment. I moved my basket as far away as possible, I didn't want the white people to think, that I had any relations to the other black people, especially, the crazy stereotypical chicken luuven black women.
The underwritten rule is...you take one, two the most samples. If you want another of the sample, walk away and around, try other samples, continue your shopping, then casually walk back for sample three. Four is the absolute Max of one particular sample, and you have to pick up a box or bag of whatever you kept sampling, and have it in your basket too. You Do Not just keep standing their eating like you at Golden Coral. This is not all you can eat. I just know those are the type of women who go to Panda Express asking for sample after sample of the Sweat and Sour Pork and Orange Chicken, then go to Sabarro, for a Supreme piece of pizza or Chick-Fil-A.

8. What happen to your local video stores? It seems that all the local video stores are becoming extinct. I mean the video stores are being replaced with Red Box's and Net Flicks. I guess no one goes to the movie store anymore. You remember when it use to be an experience. I found out that the last movie store besides Blockbuster is closing. I kinda find it sad, remember the days, when you just wanted to make it a movie night, and you went with a love one or a date, and just walked around together. Even though you saw it, and loved it, you wouldn't mind seeing it again, just to be there when they first saw it...and whatever. A whole store of old and new movies. Now granted I'm not sure when the last time I been in a movie store, it just feels sad, that they all seem to be closing.

9. Real sad part about movie stores closing...no more renting porn. It's true most movie stores, was the only place you could rent porn. Even though there still seems to be Blockbusters around, they don't have porn sections. I'm not talking about that soft core porn, where it's just women touching each other either, like they have at the top of the shelves. I'm talking about the hardcore XXX type porn, where you had to go into a separate quite section to view. Where there would be a pictures on the cover, of someone with a dick in their mouth and a title like "Phat Booty's Want Big Dicks 4." Even though you never saw PBWBD 1 thru 3, you could still pick up where they left off easily. Now granted, I haven't rented porn in a minute. I mean the movie store didn't even have my information anymore, it had been so long since I had been there, but it's sad that now I don't have the option.

While I was out at the mall shopping, I past by one of the last Movie Gallery, and it had big store closing signs. I decided to stop. I didn't even waste my time, in the regular section. I went straight to the porn. I really didn't see to much I wanted, however. I'm not really into white people porn, but wish black porn was like it. Maybe I'll will discuss that another day with you. I didn't see any good black or at least interracial gay either, or as they label it alternative. When I brought my one movie to the front in the secret white bag they give you in the Adult room, an older white gentleman about in his early 50s, in front of me, bought 13 porno's. It is weird to image him jacking secretly jacking off to that for the next month. He had a wedding ring on, but I get the feeling his wife wouldn't be watching it with him. He had that suburban PTA look to him, I bet his wife name was Barb too. Barb is going to have a mysterious sticky mess all over her house.

10. This is my first and last season of watching The Bachelor. I was highly disappointed, as most of America, People Magazine, US Magazine, Entertainment Tonight, and so on, about who the pilot picked. The big emotional crybaby picked the young, immature tramp over the nice sweet girl his family loved and America. His farewell was classic..."You are just too perfect of a woman, for me. There is just something missing." The something missing was she only had sex with one other man in her life, her ex husband. Like him, she wasn't going to have sex with him until marriage. Meanwhile the winner looks like she would be giving him a nice BJ, before the reunion special.

11. Speaking of reality television, and BJs...Did anyone watch Pep's show, "Let's Talk about Pep"? I loved the show! They had their Season finale recently. Even though, it didn't feel totally reality, but a little scripted, I loved it. They were trying to give off a little black Sex in the City, except real. Was anyone mad that with all the guys Pep hooked up with this season, she picked the Asian dude. I have nothing against Asian men, actually it is on my sex bucket list, but Tom was not a cute Asian. I'm sorry, but he wasn't. I would have definitely picked um...well none of her picks were spectacular, but I guess the football player whose hair caught on fire, was sorta cute. I mean my DL sense was buzzing, when I watched him, but he was a lot cuter than Tom. Something about the way Tom smiled and his eyes, made me nauseous. I mean I guess he would be good to be in a relationship with, but I know the sex wasn't going to be like no Treach sex. I love Jacque Reid, but what is up with homegirl being damn near 40 and never having an Orgasm in her life....and hating getting oral sex. Giving it is one thing, she don't exactly look like she hands those out freely, but on your birthday of a two year relationship, if you lucky, but hating to receive it too. I was speechless. Did she really think she was going to have an orgasm by going to an orgasm class for couples, and she went by herself? I thought it was hilarious when the orgasm guru, told the class it was now time to take your clothes off, and she bolted faster than Flo Jo out of there...Hello Jacque!!! It's an Orgasms class, how do you get an orgasm, but getting out of your Granny Panties!!! Maybe that's where she is going wrong..."Note to self take off draws, to h ave an Orgasms."

12. Did y'all here the rumors that "Iron Mike" Tyson and Evander "Damn are these all my children" Holyfield are slated to do a rematch? I find that to be a damn shame! Both of these negros are like in their mid 40's and yet they still trying to fight. It's all becasue they are both broke! Both of them have made milions on top of millions intheir career, and now broke trying, to pay child support, and trying to fight each other, for what? Who is goign to watch this if they did? I hope somethign juicy gets bitten off this time? Youknow juicier than an ear? Man that was a long time ago they fought...I think I just got into middle school when that happen I think.

13. Was going to be the story behind number 1., and how it relates to 2...However it not happening today...Becasue peopel tell me my post are tooo loongg now, so sorry.
I'm pissed I can't tell you! It was a big pissing off too!

I spent so much time talking about random stuff, I forgot to go back to discuss the senile old woman story, maybe I'll add it later to this post or the next post.