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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I'm Not Sucking Dick Anymore in 2009!!

I wrote this the other night when I came home, so sorry it it's a bit graphic and detailed, than usual!

So I'm just coming in for the night, and I have made up my mind, that I'm officially not sucking anymore dick this year. It's a wrap I tell you. I just don't want to do it anymore. It's officially not in me anymore, or at least this year.

Let me say this. I like sucking dick. I'm not ashamed to say that, well at least not on my blog that is. In the past I have enjoyed sucking dick...well at least don't mind it. However I like getting my dick sucked more, let me get that straight, right now. Overall though I like engaging in oral sex. I get it, for some oral sex is very personal, and you do it with people you really like. For some sex or intercourse is very personal. For some everything is open market. Well, anyway I like oral sex, however this year...hmm not so much. I just haven't been into giving oral sex as much. I don't know why, but it has started to feel more like a job, than well for pleasure. I mean it really has started to feel like a "blow job," than just another sexual outlet. It feels like a task, that I need to do do have an overall enjoyable experience. I do it, because I like my partner to be satisfied, as much as I do. I like being considered a good lover. A good lover wants their partner to have an enjoyable experience as much as they do. However, lately if I don't have to I choose not to do it. I mean I have found myself, saying and telling many guys, I don't do that, sorry I don't go down. Other times I have done it, well...just because...as childish as that may sound.

But now, I'm not sucking anymore dick. I'm just not. It's September now, and I feel it's a wrap for the year. I will reevaluate the issue in January.

Well, let me tell you what happen tonight. So I'm with this guy, and he talking all this, I don't want to be alone tonight blah blah blah...I want your company tonight...no I need you company blah blah blah. After this I know it's official that he gets down. Before this, wasn't so sure. So after this I decide to have "The Talk." "The talk" is what I do, when I'm with a new sexual partner. It gets certain maters cleared up first, before anything pops off. Some may think its un-sexy or whatnot, like some view talking about sexual protection is, but just like that, "The Talk" it's very necessary for me. I'm not going to lie, it's like a very informal job interview. What do you expect from me, what do I expect from you sexually...I'm into this, what are you into...I don't do this, and I don't do that... I do this sexually, but that's not happening tonight...those are some of things discussed in "The Talk." I know some people think you should just let things flow organically, but been there, done that. Not for me. I have been in the position, where things got all heated up, and I find out to late that something was expected or that they don't do something, that I may need, and it such becomes frustrating for both parties. I now avoid all of that. Well at least I try. I mean everything isn't for everybody! I understand that. Well, I take that back, some guys can flow like that...some girls can flow like that. They are down for just about whatever. I am not like that. Plain and simple. I have restrictions, and I have had partners with restrictions. I say get it all out up front.

It's like having a rough draft of what's about to pop off. It's not a final draft. Things can change, but is a outline of what is to come. You can veer off of the outline a bit, switch things up, but you do not go off the page! You stay on the outline page, that was initially set up. It's like in sports, you have a game play. Your coach goes over with you the play, what position is suppose to do what, and move where, and anticipate what from the other team. The key word is ANTICIPATE, you can plan all you want, but you never know what the other team is going to do, until you are out on that field or court. The outline for us tonight night was no intercourse. He gave me all of this he was a Top and he don't let guys around his booty, and yada yada yada. That was cool with me, because he wasn't getting up in me, so that was cool. We talked about the other details, he said he does everything else...uh huh! Well that was a lie.



So we get busy. Everybody gets naked. The game starts. Right off of back, he veers off from the outline. I mean I doing what we discussed, a little foreplay. I mean I am doing those arousal type uh things. Well, when it's my turn the suddenly, "I don't lick nipples or suck nipples, or do any of those foreplay type of things." He does no kissing of the neck, no caressing anything. Tells me he don't lick anything above the waist, or below the dick! See I should have stopped things right there. This was not mentioned in "The Talk." This was not apart of his what I do not do list. He said he was down for whatever, except for his booty. Now I mentioned I don't kiss on the mouth. I put that out there. I was upfront. I kiss everywhere else, but not that. That's real personal For ME. I think this year I have only kissed 3 or 4 people. I have to really like you or be feeling you for that. I was not feeling him, so it was a no go on that. However foreplay was suppose to be on the outline, the game play, the menu. I kinda need foreplay. Right then and there I should have shut things down, but I just rolled my eyes and kept it moving. I gave a little oral, he then gives a little oral. He wasn't bad. i men it was certainly not the best I ever had, but he was decent. Was going to get the job done. I don't like monotonous. I switch things up, flip him back on his back. I'm going down, then suddenly he springs out the "Come to my butt" move. This is when a guy spreads his legs apart while at the same time slightly raising his pelvic area; with a result of his thighs elevated and his legs spread apart. Some may actually raise there legs into the air. When on their stomach then the only difference is the butt raises high in the air. Now if you remember he said no booty action, yet again here he goes off of the game plan, that was discussed. However I kept things moving. I got the couple necessary things to make things easy and safely travel in. Although, I'm not sure I need those lubricants all that much. I mean homeboy, was quite easy to slide my fingers into. I mean some its a challenge to get one finger in, and they remain comfortable. For this nigga to be such a strict Top and "nobody messes with my booty," things moved quite easily. I mean homeboy took not one, not two, but three fingers, without a flinch. I feel extremely awkward being so graphic...well graphic for me, but anyway let me get to the extreme frustrations.

I worked my tail off, to get this nigga off. I mean I don't know how it evolve into this this big challenge to get this nigga off. He took so much. One by one, he kept adding this he needed me to do simultaneously. I think it got to a point I wanted to get him off, so I can then get off, and go home. So at one point I had one hand up in him while pulling hard on his balls, and with the other hand jacking him off, while going down on him. I mean I was multi tasking like a mug. It felt like forever to get this Mofo off. Every time I would stop because, I was getting tired, he would whine, and say its like starting all over trying to get to his climax. As I am typing this I am mad as hell, at MYSELf, as to why I kept on working. It felt like I was working my ass off. I mean I was. I was sweating like a field nigga. He would whine when ever I stopped to wipe the sweat off my face. I mean my seat was literally blinding me, it was falling so much. It wasn't like it was hot, I was just working that hard. Finally after God knows, how long he cums. He goes to the bathroom to clean up, and I just lie there.

He comes back and then suddenly, he like, so when you going home. I was like as soon as you get me off.I right then knew things was going to get crazy, when he gets this frown on his face...like he freaking Gary Coleman, with his "What you talking about Willis?" look. He starts talking about he thought I came, and he thought I had my climax. I simply reply, "When...when did I have this climax?...when I was getting his greedy tail off?" He then starts with the hemming and hawing, about how he has to get up in the morning, and get his clothes ready, and take his shower, and its already really late he only has a few hours to sleep, blah, blah, blah. At this point I getting angry pretty fast. I ask where was all of that, when he was talking about not wanting to be alone tonight and needed company, he wasn't talking about work then. Let me just cut to the chase. As the debate goes on. I suddenly become the Incredible Hulk, the other side of me is taking loose. I'm frustrated now. I'm at this point where I can't believe he going to leave me hanging like this. He sees my anger, and his little thug ass, starts baby I'm going to make it up to you, I promise. I tell him like it is....I WASN'T EVER PLANNING ON GETTING WITH HIM AGAIN, SO WHEN EXACTLY WAS HE PLANNING ON MAKING IT UP TO ME? Truth is this was just suppose to be a one night thing. He had no potential for this to be extended to anything more.

So fed up I get dress ready to go home, when I see he getting dress to. I ask him where was he going, when he replied that he was out of cigarettes, to get some. The Hulk lost his shirt then. I mentioned those same things he just said, about I thought you had to get up in for work in a few hours, had to get your work clothes together, take a shower, and whatnot. He tells me that's different. I then try to reason with him...yes the things you do when you are sexually frustrated. You know what I don't even think it was that. I think I was upset that I had put out some serious work, to get him off, and he has come up short on his end. I know it's my fault, I shouldn't have done it, but at that moment I was angry with him. I try to reason with him, like I have done before with certain men, I compare the sexual experience to if, they were with a woman. How would a woman feel if he left her hanging like that, he would want to make sure she got off too. He then informs me, he had never been with a woman.

Okay....

To say I was speechless would be putting it mildly. See this statement, threw me for a loop, like you wouldn't believe. To say that the tires were screeching to a hot halt, is putting it lightly. I couldn't believe that his thug out out tail, was not Bisexual. My shock was not that he had never been with a woman, but my shock was that for someone who only got with men, he wasn't better at it! I mean he wasn't bad or the worse, but he certainly wasn't the best, let alone...good. Shocked, I kept asking, "You only get with men?" Getting upset with men, now...he was like "Yeah, why you keep asking?" I never answer that, but I will tell. I can expect the lack luster sexual experience from a guy who doesn't always get with men, but it kinda shocks me to get this from a guy who gets with men all the time. It's like if you do it all the time, shouldn't you be good at it. I mean when you hear that a person cooks all the time, don't you expect that they are a good cook. I mean I'm not even talking about him leaving me hanging, I'm talking about what he did do. Okay, back to the cooking analogy...he knew the basics to cooking a stuffed Turkey, but he didn't know the little details to it. I mean he knew there was a Turkey, stuffing, temperature of the stove, and so on. However he didn't know the seasonings to go the Turkey...that celery, onions, bread crumbs, eggs, goes into the stuffing...and he certainly didn't know how long to cook the Turkey. It just didn't make sense to me. He should have been better at it all!

He told me he was going to call me, or I could call him, so he could make it up to me. I'm not going to call him.

On the car ride home. I kept thinking about his year, and a lot of my sexual experiences. That's when I realized, I'm tired of it all. Most importantly I'm tired of passing out my Goodies to niggas. I'm not sucking anymore dick, of these ungrateful bastards. I'm really done for the year. I feel, it. maybe I'm changing it that, it's not in me anymore. I just don't feel it. Like I said before, I'm going to lay off until next year, and then reevaluate the situation! That seems to be the best solution.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Unexpected Things In Unexpected Packages!


Okay first of all let me say, I must really be getting out of my box lately, because I keep writing about things I usually leave for other bloggers, but I feel compelled too write about these things lately.

Well this morning after reading Southern Gal's post and yesterday, Butterfly Hustla's post. Now Butterfly was talking about falling and having amazing sex in her college years with an unexpected mate, a chunky Latino man. Things went south not because of his looks, but other factors. Southern Gal was talking about not getting with a fugly guy, but that wasn't the bases of her post. I have been on a kick about getting out to people the importance of not judging a book by it's cover...although without a doubt I can't lie I will not read a book if the cover is wack, tacky and ghetto and the picture of the author is tired. Usually my instinct are on point with actual books, but human people things can be a different subject. What you see, might not always be what you get.

On Southern Gal's blog (The post), I commented about how some fugly people could be amazing in bed. Now I'm sure I could elaborate more...well I know I could elaborate more on this subject, y'all know I can write a rambling long post, but not in the mood today, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet today. I'm telling you so out of my box lately. However who knows I might write more on this post later today, it might be in a different color font however...the new content I mean.

Anyway this is my point for this post. Well after writing my comment on Southern Gal's post. I happen to go to my gossip blogs. There is only two I visit, I usually don't entertain that kind of stuff. One is a celeb gossip blog and the other is a celeb uh...groupie blog. Anyway I stumbled on this post about Willie Taylor from Day 26 having new photos leaked of him naked. Now the first group of pictures out, was reportedly photo shopped. However these new pics were hacked from Willie's wife's email account. While he is on the road and on tour...because you know they make pennies on those albums, under Diddy's on Bad Boy, so that have to tour to really make anything...anyway while on tour him and his wife keep things spicy by taking sexy pics of themselves and sending them via the Internet...bad mistake. When will these celeb ever learn. When will average people learn no photo evidence!

Now here is where my point of unexpected things in certain packages comes to a point. Now I am without a doubt a huge boy band fan. Usually though from the late 80s or early 90s era....I mean Jodeci, New Edition, H-Town, BEll Biv Devoe, Silk, Intro, 112, Guy, so on and so on. However not since Boys II Men, have I really not thought that a overall group was unattractive like Day 26. The only difference is that Boys II Men, have great sexy, amazing songs, back in the day. Now as you can guess, by no means am I a Day 26 fan. I think the overall group is kind of tired. I do. I mean I really haven't liked anything from Bad Boy in like 8 years, you know besides Cassie's new single, but I will discuss my reason on that, in the Music of the Moment post.

Anyway back to my point. I think that Day 26 has a bunch of raggedy looking average guys, that singing skills don't make them look any...well un-average. Now I am sure soem think they are hot and sexy. I'm not one. They don't do a thing for me. Not a one of them. Well maybe Que, with his undercover DL tail, sorta kinda maybe. but overall none of them really. However these new pics of Willie, has got me looking at him in a whole new manner. I mean he to me is a prime example of unexpected things in not so cute packages. how certain qualities of a person, can make them look and become attractive. Now I'm not going to post the pictures, because well I don't have adult content warning, so I am going to leave the link, Willie stock has just went up! Now here is my thing, do y'all think that younger brother Jeremih...you know "Birthday Sex" guy...is working with the same thing, man that brings a whole new meaning to that song, if he is.

And man this post is sorta weird, right?

By the way who in the world still wears Joe Boxer anymore, if you do let me know... I'm curious, am I missing out on something, with Joe boxer?
I thought that was such a 90s thing. I'm sorry but that shows you right there the what kind Bad Boy money they working with.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I'll Take One Heart Attack, With A Diet Pepsi Please!

Okay first, I usually save post like this for Mr. Jones on his Surreal Talk blog, or other bloggers, who write about things about this. I was going to finish the story about Von's blind date. That post wasn't finished afteri left the drunk guy, but oh well maybe next time. I would like you guys to take the time to look at this picture before I proceed with the post. Now I want you to take a good look at this picture. When I first looked at the picture I thought I saw one thing, however not until later did I realize what I was actually looking at. Sometimes I guess your eyes can be deceiving. Now I'm going to come back to this picture in a minute.



So a couple weeks ago I was on a weekend road trip with some family, and we stopped one morning at Hardee's for breakfast. So we go to the drive thru, and they have this big picture of their new breakfast sandwich. Me not paying attention, someone else points out, "Look they have a new biscuit...a Fried Bologna Biscuit!" Now I actually couldn't believe what I was hearing or seeing. Now to me that just sounded like a true ghetto masterpiece. Now I don't think you can be a black person in America and not had fried Bologna sandwich at least once in your life. It is usually accompanied with white bread with either your choice of mustard or mayonnaise. I am a more so mayonnaise person. I have had a fried bologna burger once. Which is a really thick piece of bologna, which comes with lettuce and tomato. I also have had a fried bologna and egg sandwich before too, for breakfast; more so in my childhood. However it was shocking to my ears that a national restaurant, like Hardee's was offering such a...I will say Ethnic?...or perhaps culture?...dish to their menu. I think that sounds better that ghetto, don't y'all? Now no one with me that day got this sandwich. I was already a little queasy that morning, and a little nauseous for some reason. I didn't even eat my chicken biscuit until like an hour latter on the road. Some of you might not believe it but the thought of this biscuit made my stomach do bigger flips than it was doing prior to pulling up to Hardees.


Anyway, apparently Hardees was urged by a lot of their Southern franchises to come out with this biscuit. Apparently they had been highly requested by consumers to make this biscuit. So the corporation wanted to oblige the request. Now this hasn't been the first time Hardees have been apart of the crazy breakfast sandwich idea. Does anybody else remember the Monster Biscuit? It was the bacon, cheese, sausage, cheese, egg, cheese, and I'm not sure ham or something else on a biscuit. I'm not sure they may still have it. I couldn't tell you though. I believe at the time, they were competing with Burger King's Double Omelet Sandwich. That was the Sausage, two egg and cheese omelet, and bacon, with more cheese, on a bun sandwich. I always say that Burger King and Hardees are in a cold war competition, to see who can come up with the nastiest, most fattening, artery clogging sandwich. Now I have never tried any of them. However my cousin, I believe has, and loves these types of sandwiches, with mayonnaise always. Even the breakfast ones, no jelly for him, mayonnaise if you will. He is those guys that eat and eat like an endless well, yet never really gains any weight. His nickname was slim growing up. I will say I did fall short once and tried Hardees Chicken Parmesan sandwich, they had out once. To say that night after eating that was interesting...would be to say the least. Good Lawd was praying for mercy on me!

Now back to the original picture at the top. Now when I had originally heard was that KFC was coming out with a new chicken sandwich, I though no big deal. What I had originally heard was that KFC was attempting to try breakfast. When I looked initially at the picture, I thought it was a bacon and cheese on a seasoned biscuit. However what some of you have probably already figured out. That is NOT a biscuit, but actually KFC's relief for the Carbohydrate sensitive consumer, the Double Down sandwich. That's right people that it bacon, monterrey jack and cheddar cheese, and the colonel's secret sauce on...not one...but two fried chicken fillets. When I read this on Black Voice's I nearly fell out of my chair. I kept looking at the picture, and couldn't believe that I missed what I was looking at. Now I know some may disagree but when it comes down to the most outrageous fast food sandwich ideas, I think this one takes the cake. Now apparently this is going to go on their regular menu, no breakfast menu will be staring. This is what it apparently looks like in person. I what it looks like outside of the glossy promotional pictures you see above. Now I haven't tried this, nor do I think I will. I know just eating this I would gain an easy 5 pounds. I'm not my cousin.

I can't wait what the fast food Gods will come out with next!!!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

My Drunk Date, and Von's Blind Date!

So I asked a fellow reader of my blog, which post would they rather read...a post about married guy or a post about my crazy night this weekend with Von, Pickle, and another guy...and he picked this post, so thank him. Anyway I am trying to stay more current with what's going on in my life. I realize I haven't talked about Von or Pickle in a while, but they are very much still in the picture. I have a lot of stories to tell about them, especially Von. Let me know if you want to hear those stories. If not I will just stay with, what happens to me from now on, week to week.


It may start off slow, but gets good. Anyway this I can tell is going to be a long one, if you don't like that, kiss my black ashy tail, and move on to another blog...okay Butterfly...I don't know how to tell a story without the details!!!!


I came in from out of town, Sunday night, after visiting family for Labor Day weekend. No need to be in Labor Day traffic on Monday, I actually like sleeping in all day on those Monday holidays, no need being on the road. As I get myself settled, and change in to something more comfortable, if you will, and lay across my bad. As soon as I hit that comfy spot, where you lay like a vegetable, and not want to move an inch; I hear my cell phone vibrate on my night stand. I reached over and pick it up. It was an unfamiliar number, but I answer it anyway. On the other end a female's voice response with a, "Hello, Y?...it's me Trina!" At first I think to myself... Who is Trina? Then she says a very familiar name that brings it all back to me, "...You know Von's friend." Then suddenly I remember who this girl is.

Last week, I'm at the hospital, visiting a family member, my second cousin. Nothing to serious, but serious enough they want to keep them for a week. Well, I was visiting them one night, when I kept getting these calls, from this same unknown number. Well, in certain parts of the hospital, the phone calls would fail. However by the time I get to his room, all calls are okay. After a few minutes of catching up with the family member, I return the phone calls. This girl explains to me that she is a friend of Von's and he was trying to do three-way, with me on the phone. However I didn't answer, so if I call her number back, for me to call him. Von does the stupidest shit in my eyes, I tell you. Well, through a series of events I end up talking to her for a few minutes, while trying to get Von on the phone, because I have a problem calling his phone. He can call me, but a lot of the time, when I call him, I get a "All circuit lines are busy, please try your call later" message. She can get him on the phone easy, however. Anyway at the hospital, I finally talk to him, and the first thing out his mouth it the same thing always first out of his mouth, "Yo son, where you at?" It racks my nerves every time he says it. I respond the same way every time... "Minding my own business...where are you?" Knowing full well where he is at...at home doing nothing. He tells me his line, that he THINKS makes me weak at the knees... "Yo son, I want to chill tonight with you." Yep doesn't that just makes you libido roar, with desire? This is Von language, for "I want to get freaky with you!" No matter how much I trick him and act like I have not a clue what this means, I can never get him to say literally what he wants to do, which is have sex. The most I have ever gotten, was a few weeks ago, "Let's do what WE do, and there is no need for your draws." Anyway, nothing happen that night. By the time I got to his house, after leaving the hospital, he had fallen asleep from two wine coolers. We actually haven't gotten down sexually in a while. Every time he is in the mood, I'm not. Every time I am in the mood, he's not. When we both are, he falls asleep, and nobody can wake him up.

Anyway back to my main story, this is the Trina from a week ago. After a little chit chat, I ask her, what's going on...why is she calling me. The next thing out of her mouth stuns the hell out of me. "Uh Y, can you come over to my house and pick me up?...and take me to Von's house?" I was so shocked that this Bitty, that I have never know and has spoke to all of a few minutes a few times on the phone, is asking me to become a taxi service. I had to ask her to repeat her question, just so I got it right. She repeated the same thing. In my mind my thoughts was roaming...this girl has a lot of nerves asking me such a request...she don't know me...why doesn't she ask one of her simple head friends to take her...then it hits me. I asked her, "Whose idea was it for you to call me?" She gets all what do you mean, and all flustered and whatnot. I press harder, I know who put her up to this foolishness. She only gives me, that all her friends and family was busy, so I came to mind....me a person she spoke to for literally, a hot two minutes in her life. I tell her I need to call her back. I call up the source for this nonsense...Von. He tells me the same nonsense, but I know he is lying. I know he put her up to calling me. He finally ask me, "So are you going to do it?" I just hang up. However I think about it for about several minutes. I mean as crazy as it sounds, I really ponder going over there to pick her up. I mean there isn't anything on television. Shark Tank is replaced with the Jerry Lewis Telethon...Hung, Entourage, and my other HBO love True Blood is on a weekend break because of the holiday...why not go? I call Trina up, and tell her my decision. I then call Von up and tell him, some reality. I tell him, "I going to pick Trina up and bring her to your house...However Von, when I pick her up, we are through. Don't ever call me again with a 'let's chill' or 'I need to see you tonight' Once I pick this girl up for you, we are through." He acts so confused by this statement and keeps asking me what do I mean. I explain it further, that I have done some pretty stupid things when it comes to him, and he has pulled me into some stupid situations. This is just one episode of the Von Nonsense show. He finally says in his most little boy hurt voice, "You mean we can't even be friends anymore?" Here is the thing I think Von really thinks we are friends. I mean I think most of the time he puts the sexual stuff we do out of his mind. At times, to him, it never happens in his mind. To me however, I really don't consider him a friend. Perhaps an acquaintance, that's relationship was originally based on sex. However not friends. I simply respond though, "I don't even know if we can be friends."

I get dressed and hit the road to Trina's house. She lives about 35 minutes away. Von lives about 25 minutes away and Trina lives about a little less than 10 minutes on the other side of Von. Trina calls me about 10 minutes after I leave my house. As I am getting the directions to her place, I see a man on the side of the road. As my car approaches him I can very well notice, that he is walking unsteadily and almost in a wobble. Right as I am about to pass him, I see him fall to the ground out of site. I pass him and in my rearview mirror, I don't see him getting up. I tell Trina I have to call her back. I make a U-turn and I go back to see where he fell, and I still don't see anything. I pull into a business parking lot by the area where he fell. Although this is a busy road in the daytime, tonight this seem to be a very quite night. I get out of my car and like a white person in the movies I go to investigate, what happen. I quickly stumble upon this man very unsuccessfully trying to get out of this ditch. It wasn't exactly a hole but deeper than your average ditch. He is trying to walk up, and keeps falling back. I reach out my hand and he looks at me. He grabs my hand and I pull him up. I ask him if he is okay, and he mutters something with his head down. The alcohol however hits me like a brick. This fool is drunk on the side on the road, at what now is like about 11:30 at night. I ask him if he is all right. He then starts muttering to me again, except now I can understand that it's Spanish, he is muttering. He's Mexican, from what I can tell. Not trying to be racist or anything, but I can tell he was Mexican...not Puerto Rican, not Dominican, nothing but good ole' south of the border Mexico Hispanic. I let him walk, and he is doing this heavy swaying back and forth walking, and steadily stumbling around. I think to myself, I can't let this fool continue to walk around out here like this. He was close to the road, when he fell. What if he fell the opposite direction?...I could have hit him. At this point, I'm not sure what exactly what I was going to do with him. My thoughts were to find out where he lives and take him to his house. I figure I could find someone who spoke Spanish, to ask him.

I guide him to my truck. When we get to my SUV, I notice all this dirt on the back of his wife beater. I assume it happen from when he fell. I brush it off and open the passenger side door. I help him up into the vehicle, however we are unsuccessful. Even though I have siderail, his drunk ass can't manage to get up into the car. On one last attempt, he is on the siderail, and I push his hip with my hand, when I feel something gooey on my hands. I panic and look at my hand, to see what's on it and accidentally let him fall to the ground. he yells something in Spanish, when he hit the ground. I look at my hands, and freak out. I instantly think I have this man's blood on my hands. It's almost grainy, so I figure its blood and rocks mixed from when he fell into the ditch. I rush to the back of my truck for a roll of paper towels I keep back there. I soon discover it's not blood, but mud and gravel. I go back to the short Mexican man...he's about 5'2 or 5'3...and he has this gravel mud all over his shorts, legs, and shoes. I think to myself I can't let this man up into my car like this. He's a mess. I stand there and think, he just looks at me without saying a word, the whole time I am thinking. I make a brash decision, and decide to take his shorts off. I take off his buddy shoes and socks, unbuckle his belt and slid his shorts off. The whole time he says nothing he just looks down at me. I put his muddy stuff in a plastic grocery bag from my trunk, and I help him back into the SUV. I get back into the drivers seat, and he is just sitting there in his bikini hip briefs and wife beater. Here is the thing, why is it most Hispanic men, where those bikini like hip briefs?...You know the kind you saw white men wearing in movies in the 80s. I use to work in the men's department at a department store and they were the biggest consumer of these types of underwear.
I once again ask him where does he live. Not mumbling anymore, he speaks loud and clear in Spanish. I think to myself, maybe it's in his wallet. I reach into the plastic bag, and find his wallet in the pocket. No ID and nothing with an address, however Jose over here, had a bunch of 20s up in that wallet. I drive off, and I decide to call one man, who might be able to help me, and happens to live about a few minutes away from where we are at.

As I am driving I call a familiar number from my contacts, and the phone rings and rings. Hoping that not only does he pick up, that he is in town, because he is always out of town on the weekends. Just when I am about to give up, I hear that voice I was hoping for, say, "What's up man?...what's good with?!" Happiest I think I have ever been to hear Pickle's voice I cut to the chase. Now I haven't talked about Pickle much since the,Call of the Booty post, but we have become quite regular hook up buddies. I ask him if he is home and busy. He tells me that he has a "friend" over and about to go to bed. I tell him that I need a favor. That I need to borrow an old pair of pants. He laughs and without asking me any further questions, except what size and to stop by. I question him about not asking me, why I need to borrow his pants. He simply reply's "Haven't we all been in a situation, where we need to borrow someone's pants late at night?" I think to myself, not me! I explain the situation to him, and once again he asks like its all in a day. I tell him, I will be there in a couple minutes. I pull up to the curb of Pickle's house, park behind his car, a couple houses down. He has a driveway in the back, but he doesn't like to use it. I get out of the car, and leave the Mexican there. I walk down the sidewalk to his house. I call him and tell him I'm outside. I see movement in the house. A minute feels like forever. As I am waiting I look back at my car, and notice the passenger door is open. I run back to my car and the Mexican is behind the wheel...turning the wheel, with his foot on the gas, making "Room Room" noise with his mouth. Thank God I have the habit of always taking the key out the ignition, where ever I go. This fool might have tried to take off with my car. I say 'No!" and open the door for him to get out the driver seat. He shakes his long curly hair head back and forth, and continues to make car noise. I yell to him, "I'm going to take you to Su Casa!" During this whole process I have been trying to use any Spanish I could recall from my one year of taking it in high school. I guess it's just human nature to think the louder you speak the more likely they will understand you. Like hearing is the problem, and not language. After a minute he jumps and crawls back into passenger seat. I shut the door and run back to Pickle's front door.

A minute later he walks out with a cigarette in his mouth. I once again explain the whole situation to him, and tell him, what the Mexican just tried to do. Pickle just casually puffs on his cigarette, and blows. He points the direction of my car, and ask, is that him. I look to where he is pointing and the Mexican is walking down the street towards us in just his draws now. Now Pickle house is on a street that is much busier and lighted. So you see everything in view. The Mexican goes off on us in Spanish. Pickle just casually looks at him, and blows the smoke out of the side of his mouth. He hands me the pants. I try to help the Mexican put them on, but it seems to be going not as easy as taking them off was. He puts his hands over his crotch, and just says, "Nooooo!" Not sure what he thinks is going on, I just hand them to him. He then proceed to put the waist of the pants over his hand and run around me and Pickle, like a 3 year older. Pickle still all nonchalant, casually puffs and blows smoke out of the side of his mouth, but says to me, "What kinda mess did you bring to my house?" I ask him since he is a teacher, does he speak Spanish, and he tell me no. As he grabs the pants off of the Mexican, he tells me, this is how you speak Spanish. He snaps at the Mexican, and yells "Put these on right!" Oddly enough the Mexican realizes that he must put the garment on, but he still put it over his head. This time though he tries to put his arms through the legs of the pants. I yell out "Blaco!...Blaco!" Pickle asks me does that mean pants, I respond either that or shirt, or the color white. I couldn't remember. He looks at the Mexican, then says, "Well that could be why he keeps trying to put the on over his head like a shirt." The Mexican finally gives up and throws the pants on the ground and storms off. Pickle casually says, "Let him go, good riddance...you want something to drink?"

Just standing there I look at the Mexican walk down the street and cars honk at him. I tell Pickle can't just let him go, I have his clothes and wallet in my car. He tells me well give them to him, and let him go. I tell Pickle I better call the Police. He ask me "Why?...what did the Mexican do to me?" I look at him and point to the Mexican who is in his bikini briefs, who is in the street hitting cars at the stop light, and explain I can't just let him walk around like that. I jump on my cell phone and call 911. I go back to my car and take off after him. He is way down the street from Pickles house now. As I am on the phone, I pull up to the Mexican, and he gets in. The operator, says the police is on its way. The Mexican is swaying back and forth in my car, and has that look on his face. Just talking out loudly I tell him, he better not vomit in my car. Not really expecting a respond back or him to understand. However he says "Okay." I nearly get whip flash from doing a double take. I say, "You speak Engless?" He responds "Si, take me home" I can't believe that he has been able to understand English this whole time. I ask him how do I get here. He makes a block chop move with his arms forward. Then says a street name. Right then the police show up, where I told the operator for us to meet, near Pickle's house. I explain the whole situation to the Police. He jumps out the car, and starts speaking his drunk Spanish to the police. I hand them him the bag with his clothes, shoes, and wallet, and tell them what he finally told me. They ask me how did I find his clothes. See this is perhaps where I might be totally in the wrong. At this point I am really ready to be done with this situation. I may have led the Police to think he was already naked when I found him walking drunk. I told them that his clothes were near by were I found him, and they excepted that, and commended me for my civilian duties and let me go. I left him there.

As I drove off I noticed several missed calls, and it hits me among all this chaos I was supposed to pick up Trina. As I get back on the road heading towards her house. Pickle calls me to tell me about all the drama I brought to his street. When I left The Mexican there was two police cars there. Pickle informs me, that now there is 7 or 8 cars there. I ask for what reason, he is just one drunk naked man. He tells me they are all standing around laughing at the Mexican. I tell Pickle with all the crime in the city, this is the best way they can see to use their time? He tells me that they have gotten the clothes back on the Mexican. However now they have him cuffed and on the ground. Every time he gives me an update, I feel worse about the situation. Thinking to myself did I make the situation worse or better for him by intervening and picking him up.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Is the Dream the New Millennium's 1980's Prince?

I feel so behind on my Music of the Moment, I mean in all reality this isn't exactly my Album of the Moment, anymore, more like in July it was. However I had it up on the right side of the blog at one time, so I'm going toplay catch up and talk about The Dream's "Love vs. Money." This album is without a doubt a sequel to his debut album "Love Hate". I wouldn't be surprise to hear, that a couple songs on this album were probably songs, that didn't make the first cut, of the "Love Hate" album. I think the first single, "Rockin' That Shit," was suppose to be another "Shawty is Da Shit," the first single from his first album...and yes, I always get the explicit versions. I am going to say something that, maybe very controversial, or may have a lot of people disagreeing. I think The Dream is the new 1980's Prince. Yes, I said it. Now don't get it twisted, but I am not calling him the new Prince, but more so a new millennium's version of 1980's Prince. Let me explain this, for those who are confused. When I listen to The Dream I get a somewhat Prince vibe to him and his songs. I think about Prince's song like "Little Red Corvette," "Purple Rain," "Raspberry Beret," and many other songs, when I hear The Dream's songs. Just like Prince I think The Dream has a sorta signature sound. I mean I usually can figure out that The Dream has written or produced a song for another artist. The Dream's protege girl group, Electik Red, Rhianna's "Umbrella" has The Dream sound; just like Prince's protege girl acts like Vanity 6, Apollonia, Sheila E, always had the Prince influence sound on their albums. I mean on The Dream's first album he has a song called "Nikki," and who else has a song called "Darling Nikki" too?...hmm let me think. Now granted The Dream's Nikki could be talking about his ex wife Nivea, but you get my point. I just feel that The Dream is very much giving us a new 1980's Prince retrospective. I think songs like "Walkin' On the Moon" and the beat to "Love VS. Money," very much sound like a new day 80s Prince. Ironically though it's R. Kelly he shows homage to on this album on the song, "Kelly's 12 Play." I don't care what The Dream says however, he could never deny that Prince has or is, a major influence on him and his music as well.

With that said, lets go into the highlights of Love VS. Hate. First let me say this The Dream to me successfully does something on every album, that Jagged Edge tried on the "Baby Making Project" album, but I didn't care for as much, as how The Dream does. That thing being connect each song, so there is no space, but it becomes one long song. With Jagged Edge, every song, started to sound a like on that album. In my opinion The Dream connects them better, yet they still sound like different songs. For example "Sweat It Out" is talking about a girl that he loves having sex with...a girl he loves having sex with so much he want to take her home to meet his mother in, "Take U Home 2 My Mama"...which is the first lines in the song "Love VS. Money"... which is a song about him wanted to take a girl home to meet his mother, but she left him for another guy she loves inspite of all the money and gifts he lavished her with, which goes into "Love Vs. Money Pt. 2"...and it goes on like that. I have to say my favorite line in the whole album, would have to be the first lines in one my favorite songs on the album "Sweat It out," which are "Girl, call up Tisha, your beautician, cause your hair is go'n need fixin..." I just think it's funny. This album is filled with a lot of slow jams made to get busy with. Songs like, "Put It Down," which is another one of my favorites, to other slows like "Fancy." The song "Kelly's 12 Play," actually samples his own beat from his first album. It samples the "Shawty is Da Sh**" remix featuring R. Kelly. The song is about how you can't go wrong with having sex, when you do it to r. Kelly's "12 Play" album; while this song is actually made to have sex with, like R. Kelly's album. Ironically, I have gotten completely naked and busy to the album. It has a nice overall groove that is great to have sex too, in my opinion. Overall I enjoyed


My Ah That's My Jam of the Moment, is Case's "Lovely." As corny as it maybe to say, it's lovely that Case is back. This is the first single of of his new album, and I really love this song. I think because it is such a classic song from Case, it like right where he left off on his last album.


My Ah That's My Jam II of the Moment is Mary Mary's God In Me featuring Keirra Sheard. I will say this, I'm not a huge Mary Mary fan, but I love this song. I actually first heard it on a R&B/Hip Hop station and thought as crazy as it sounds, that Monica had did a gospel song. Anyway even though the message is kinda superficial, I love the message. That you see my car and clothes, my lifestyle about me, and think I have it made. however what you don't see is me falling on my knees when I get home, and knowing it's nothing but the God in me that made it happen.

My throwback album of current rotation, is "Miss Thang." The debut album from one of my favorite female artist, this album embodies the attitude of the title of the album. Back in the 90's, "Miss Thang", always meant a women or dare I say a gay man...yes I said that...with attitude; and well Monica always seems to have that little attitude to her. In attitude, I mean she always had this sassiness to her, even at the age of 14, when this album came out. Here is the thing about the mid 90s, 14 year old singers were not producing music like 14 year old girls are now. Singers like Monica, Brandy, Traci Spencer, and the late great Aaliyah, who all seemed to be coming out at the same time, and were all around the same age, where producing mature music. The music was very mature for the age of the singers. I mean the songs and singing always seemed like it was coming from older singers, even if that meant just older teenagers, it was older sounds. I mean I find it amazing that several songs on this album was recorded when Monica was actually 12 years old. Ironically as teens are more mature today, the songs coming from teen singers are a little more bubblegum than in the mid 90s R&B, in my opinion, at least. Now granted there is this high school vibe to the album, but I still feel like it wasn't, pinholed to one certain age group.

One of my favorites on the album, the High tempo, heavy bass infused, "Don't Take It Personal(Just One Of Dem Days)," is an example, of one of those songs, that is not just geared to one specific audience. I love this song. Now I know this song is more so talking about a woman feelings, and more specifically PMS, at least I think; however I connect with it. I feel this way a lot. I have them days, where I just one to be left alone, and do just that. It is the only song she co-wrote on the whole album. I have a feeling it was one of the songs recorded when she was 14, than at age 12. I have a feeling songs like "Skate," was recorded when she was 12. Anyway another favorite of mine would be, "Before You Walk Out of My Life." One of my earliest memories of Monica, would have to be the video, for this song. The video always left a sad feeling in me, when her and obviously her best friend, which was a boy, moved away from her. This album also contained a lot of covers and sampling. I feel like this album debuted during a time when sampling was just becoming the big thing. Not taking the whole song like previously was done for years, but just sips and nibbles of older songs or the productions, and remaking them. She has two covers on this album. The first being, "Tell Me If You Still Care," which I think is fairly decent remake of the S.O.S. Band's hit song. Does she make the song hers..hmm that's debatable...I think personally think she did, for a cover. The next cover being the first of two collaborations she does in her career with Usher, the Latimore' hit "Let's Straighten It Out." I will have to say, that it doesn't seem like a song that a 14 and a 16 year older is singing. Not the most remember song from the album, but it's decent. I think that her slow jams out shined them, like "Never Can Say Goodbye" and "Now I'm Gone." Anyway this album was the beginning of me being a real Monica fan, even today with her recent stuff.



Now I'm not going to even lie, when Hezekiah Walker divorced Monique Walker 10 years ago, I thought it would be the last time I heard from one of my favorite soloist. I mean it had been years and no music or anything about her surfaced. However one day I happened to be listening to one of Hezekiah Walker and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir's old albums, and I happened to think about Monique. I got home and Googled her name, and to my surprise, her name came up and a new album "My Genesis," appeared. "My Genesis" is the debut gospel album, from a music veteran. For some of you is unfamiliar with the power house Monique Walker, she was one of the lead soloist of Hezekiah Walker's Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, since the late 80s and early 90s to the Family Affair album in 1999, when they split up and divorced in the following years. In the "Let's Dance" music video, from the "Family Affair" album featuring David Hollister, she is the female soloist in the video, with the strong high cheek bones. Well anyway, after the "Family Affair II" release and the "20/85 The Experience," and still nothing was heard from Monique, I thought that she had went into Ex-spouse obscurity, and the last we heard of her singing on an album release ever again. However I am glad that I was wrong, with the album "My Genesis."

She named her debut album "My Genesis," after the first book and the beginning of the bible, and this being her new beginning. That is very much the theme that was carried through this album and through her songs. From songs like "Starting All Over" and "Right Now," she sings about how its her season and her time, to shine and reap her blessings from the Lord. This album has a very anointed impact from the beginning to the end. Although establishing herself as a solo artist and her own sound, she didn't stray to far from her roots as leading a choir. Half of the album is live with a choir or heavy music grouping of some sort and the other half is studio productions. Her first single "Crazy Praise," is just that a crazy praise, and just what a live production should do, make you feel like you are there. I for a moment get caught up and can actually image myself in the church sanctuary, being apart of this service and watching her sing and lead this song. I will have to say her ex husbands influences on her is very much apparent in certain songs like "More of Your Glory," and the way she directs the different sections, is a classic Hezekiah move. On one of my favorites songs on the album "Right Now," is without has that Love Fellowship Crusade Choir vibe written all over it. In the strong beat and everything from organ and I want to say the Hezekiah Walker horn sound. I can't put my finger on what is that sound, that distinguishes the Walker sound. I think this song has my favorite lyric on the whole album, "This is my season...this is my time, I'm not conceited, but I got to get mine!" Another one is the powerful and stirring, "Tried in the Fire," which is about how you can go through the fire, through so much in your life but with God you will come out your situation as gold.

Now for some it may seem weird that she would have a song on her debut solo album, from her past when she was singing with Hezekiah and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, like "Second Chance." However if you ever heard the lovely Ms. Walker perform this song you would know that she couldn't have her first solo album, without this song. Although Monique was lead soloist on many LFC Choir songs; "Second Chance" was her signature song, from the "Live in New York" album. It was her "I Will Always Love You" to Whitney Houston, it was her "I Will Survive" to Gloria Gaynor, her "Lady Marmalade" to Patti Labelle, it was the song she always sings. I have seen Hezekiah sing live multiple times, some with Monique and a couple post Monique, but there was never a song that brought down the house like Monique singing "Second Chance." It was always an emotional song that touches, and gets everyone. Now this is a different rendition than the "Live from New York" album. I don't know if it was purposely sung in the middle of the song or that's when they decided to start the live recording for the album or what, but I care for it when she starts off from the beginning, but still you get the effect of the song regardless. I will have to say the live recordings got me more than the studio productions, but they were still fire too. It's just she seems to shine more and really get you with a choir behind her and the powerfulness of the choir and probably the support of the audience. The heavily produced Darkchild singles "Greatest Gift" and "Trust and Believe," definitely gave her a new and different sound, that she probably needed to establish her self as a solo artist. However I think the soft sweet ballad "We Worship You," is by far the best studio song on the album. I just love that one. All in all this is an album to me was a very personal and powerful album, about trials and tribulations, and about making it through, with the grace of God. With his help anyone can cope and see the brighter day, that God has for us all. This is without a doubt an anthem album of claiming your season and what's for you no matter what anyone says, or you go through.


Sorry if this whole post feels dated...it sorta is!