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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Man, Who Doesn't Understand Men!

This is one of those rare free thinking post of mine. I don't do these much. Well I do, but I don't post them. It's been a minute since I posted. I think I am sinking into old habits. I really tried to be a more frequent blogger, but I can't blame it on the a aaa aaaalcohol...I can however blame it on the la laa llaaaaziness. I have a Music of the Moment post that is over due and I have some other things I wanted to talk about. My lack of blogging unfortunately has nothing to do with lack of content to write about I always have something on my mind, however I'm not always getting it out there.

I have something on my mind right now, that I just can't keep in.

Now this is very hard for me to say, but I just don't understand....MEN!

There I said it. Y'all don't know how hard it is as a man, to say I don't understand other men. I feel stupid...confused...I feel less than a man, because I don't understand other men. I have done some...well I have done some things in my life, since having sex with other men, but not a moment have I really felt less than a man, then now that I realize I don't get my own sex.

Let me lay it on the line for you guys, when I first started getting with men, I for some reason thought it was going to be easy. They are guys, I'm a guy, we are...most of the time going to be on the same wavelength. However silly me, that's not the case at hand.

Alright let me, let you in on a little situation, the one that is bringing me to my frustration. I just literally got off the phone with the office, of well a guy, that...well...well I don't know what you would call us or what we are doing. We are just good "friends." I haven't mentioned him to you guys as of yet. I have mentioned him to a couple bloggers. Anyway he has been in and out the picture for a couple months. Right around when I was posting the Von post. Von by the way is still in the picture....well, he is and he isn't, but that's another post for another day...I will explain. Anyway back to what I was saying. So I just got off the phone with "Dude"'s office, right....and his secretary once again gave me..."He is in a meeting would you like to leave a message on his voicemail?" question again. Today I gave her a "No." Now some of you maybe asking what's wrong with that, he is at work he might be busy or in a meeting. I would be cool with that if he told me this, but he isn't telling me SQUAT!!!

He has turned me into Kerry Washington in Chris Rock's "I Think I Love My Wife." That's how I feel right now. In the movie when Chris Rock thinks that his friendship with Kerry Washington's character has gone to far and that he needs to end their friendship in his own fashion. What does Chris Rock do to address the matter, he stops taking her phone calls. No cell calls at contact at all....except Chris Rock's secretary tells Kerry that Chris is busy or in a meeting, would she like to take a message. Kerry keeps calling and he keeps ignoring her calls or telling his secretary to tell her he is busy. That's how I feel right now. Like he is avoiding my calls. Now the only difference is that Kerry Washington had some idea, as to what she did, to push Chris to that point. I for that matter don't know why or what I have done....

The more I can't get in contact with him the more I want to get into contact with him to figure out, what's going on. I have tried several times since Friday to get in in touch with him. Let me explain myself...I am by no means a Bug-A-Boo. I don't call guys like that. I don't sweating guys like that, and I have my reasons I especially don't do that to him. I called him on Friday and couldn't leave a message on his cell phone. I tried on Saturday and the same thing happen, so what did I do...I called his job's voicemail to leave him a message, to call me. Monday came around and I heard nothing from him. I call yesterday morning, and she gave me he was busy. I called him again right before lunch to see if he wanted to grab a bite. I know when he goes to lunch, because we have been to lunch together. He has in fact called me on his lunch break to talk to me the whole time he was at lunch. I talked to him as I was out across town. I only left two messages yesterday, but still I got nothing in return from him.

Now I know he has done this before, not to me, but to another dude. He called me once to tell me about how this other DL dude he knows keeps blowing up his phone, and how why don't people get the message that you are not interested anymore. He went on to tell me that the dude called him 14 times and left 14 messages. I asked why didn't he just answer one of the guys calls and tell him, that he wasn't interested at all. He explained it to me, that he thought that the guy should have understood that he wasn't interested in him, because he stopped answering his calls. I explained to him that it would be better for both of them, if he just explained that he wasn't interested anymore.

Here I am on the same situation, except he is doing it to me, now! I don't understand that at all. That is such bitch like behavior. He's acting like a little Pussy. I am man enough to take whatever is the reason. I am just so unbelievably angry. Not only has he dissed me without word, but he has turned me into a calling Bug-A-Boo Nag!! I hate that.

Yesterday on the last message I told him that. I said exactly.."You are not trying to do me like ole dude and avoid my call, are you? I don't appreciate that, if that's what you are doing."

No offense, but that behavior I expect from Women. Women do the stop talking and not give you a reason why. I mean I really would understand the situation more if it was from a woman. I mean this reminds me of a friend of mine from high school. We were really close and cool. There was just one thing, when she would get mad at me, she would just stop talking to me for no reason...well her reason, but not a good reason. Now she never avoided me, she just stopped talking. I would ask her a question, and she acted as if I said nothing. If I asked her if there was a problem, she would nod no. Now it got crazy, we remained hagging out with the same people, yet she would just stop talking to me in the group. For example, we never stopped sitting at the same lunch table. In fact she would sit right across the table from me eating her pizza or turkey club and not say boo to me. She would talk to the person beside me, beside her but never to the dude across from It use to piss me off royally, because I never got to find out why I was being shut out, just like now. However I just let it go until she did. It happen a few times during high school. One time it was something stupid, like I laughed at her in front of Freshmen. It was always something stupid like that. One time I admit I was insensitive and mentioned she was acting goofy and something about maybe it was her time of the month. I asked her politely if she needed some Midol. However that led to like a two month silent treatment. Now A grown man is doing the same thing to me, however I have been completely on some grown and sexy tip with him and nothing stupid out of my mouth. Our last conversation was cool.

The last time we talked everything was cool. I just don't get guys however. For some reason I got her, I don't get him. This is not the only time I have run into guy behavior, that as a guy I don't understand. Do y'all know I was so tempted to actually buy Steve Harvey's "Think like a Man, Act like a Lady," just to see what it is that I am missing. Do you know what that makes me or says about me?...I know what it doesn't make me a man, that I need a book to try to understand another nigga. Reading a book geared to women to understadn my own sex. This is just like another straw on that pesky camel's back, that I don't get's so many things.

A part of me just wants to call and leave a nasty message, but that's just not my style. I don't leave nasty messages, but I am on that level right now. This is the guy who told me, that as DL men, no matter who we lie to, we must always stay on the up and up when it comes to each other!
However what is he doing but not being up and up with me!


flightofthescorpion said...

If you're like me, you'll come to have a love/hate relationship with men in general. I personally prefer the strong female mind. Men have too many hangups. I always get shut down when I say this, but I believe it still to be true: men are the more sensitive sex.

It's funny, you can have two masculine dudes together and one is still gonna end up in the more "masculine" role and the other the more "feminine" role. It's just nature. At any given point, one has to be more "dominant" than the other. In man-man relationships, especially when both are hopelessly masculine, this turns into a sort of subtle struggle, which can lead to problems when either side doesn't learn that there can be power in relenting...sometimes.

But, getting back to the point, my advice is that he's giving you all the signs you need for you to proceed. The question is, will you heed... And you shouldn't have to fight just for someone to want you around. I just got through dealing with this issue myself, lol.

Corey Keith said...

Of course you are going to let this guy, go right? Right? The thing that is most interesting in your social observation is that most women are just as level headed as you are, but men, like this DL LOSER, makes them act out of character in the same way you are acting out of character now. Don’t sweat this lesson. Learn and move forward, baby boy…

Anonymous said...

When someone tells you who they are..believe them!

He told you about him not being interested in ole boy and how he wouldn't answer the phone when he called. Now he's doing the same to you. He's just not that into you. And that's ok! Seems like he's the type who isn't straight up.

I've always said men act just like bitches! lol

Anonymous said...

im with thoughts on a southern gal on this one. men are worst than women and the ''flaming ones'' are the worst because they seem to adopt all the worst qualities of women and then magnify them 10000 times. it really is ridiculous. but as southern gal says he told you the info before and now he's acting it out. if he wants to contact you he will he knows how to reach you. dont be 'running down' anyone. if he doesnt want to waste his time on you dont waste your time on him.

i too do not get men/women or ppl in general. to hell with the dog whisperer i need a ppl whisperer.

the reason why i continue and wait patiently for your short stories is because you just seem to go through and have all the same experiences i do and have all the same thoughts and feelings.

Anonymous said...

well everything except the chris brown thing! lol! but thats a non-issue!

YBandDL has got Chris Brown's back said...

here's the issue I'm having, ya'll think I am struggling in him not wanting me around and me not getting the point! My point was why can't he be man enough to say it! That whole ignore you so you get the picture is the pussy way out...tell me what's up and tell what the deal about it. Be a God damn man about your sh**. That's all,I'm not stressing about loosing him, he wasn't really mine to begin with, but that's a whole other subject. I just think he needs to respect me and not play me like that.

Scorpion- We have had that struggle when it comes to the two of us. I feel like I;m always but into that female role. I let him know at first. I'm a guy I can handle my own.

Corey-It not about letting him go...its about, finding out what's up with the ignoring not speaking routine. We were never a couple, we messed around thats all, I just think after all the time, I was deserved a respectful response.

South- I'm not going to lie, your whole, he just not into comment stung, but I'm cool with him not being into me anymore...Hey I have been there many of times, but I tell you "Look nigga don't expect anymore calls from me, aiight!?"

Off course you would say that, because you pull that I'm not speaking or answering your text stuff!

Inundated- Here's the thing he is not the flamming kind, he without a doubt a DL nigga, with the I['m not about games game, and I guess I got played like ole boy.

Do you know I bought a book call People Whisper or something like that, like last year, but never read it, maybe I need to now!

Anonymous said...

Ok so you just want to know why he's ignoring you. Why? What will you gain by him telling you why?

I do agree that ignoring someone and thinking they will get the picture is a bunch of bull and the easy way out but it seems that's his motto.

blknsmth said...

I have to agree with southern gal when a person shows you who they are believe it. in this case, he actually told you. I understand the anger over not knowing but get over it and move on, because if you don't , then he has won.

Anonymous said...

It always gets me how you got all these DL, so-called masculine men running around, but they don't even have the balls to tell a nigga that they're not interested! Ignoring your calls is straight bitchassness on his part.

I've been in your situation before and it's best to just move on and forget about that nigga. He's not worth the worry. If he's the kind of guy I think he is, he'll probably hit you up randomly in about a year or so.

Mordant said...

I find men are so hung up on what is a man and what is a woman and roles etc. Humans are humans and roles clash, all sexes have some bad habits and I think you are wasting your time on a non issue. People do incomprehensible things men and women alike. If he is not a good enough human-being to tell you he no longer has an interest in you then cool. Recoup what is left of your dignity and move on... I am sure there are many other persons worthy of your time and efforts.

As for your friend in high school she would have given me the silent treatment twice. First time would have been a test the second would have been the verification. There are so many good genuine people in this world. Look for them and forget the losers. You would find that it would make your life a whole lot simpler.

It is commendable that you are trying to figure him out, probably with the intention to make sure it never happens again but while you spend time finding out about the bad the good could be passing you by.

Anonymous said...

YB im not saying your dude is flaming, that was just a general comment. but i still believe that some men - ppl - to be fair have some very nasty and undesirable traits and for no other reason than to make themselves feel important. because im sure he's one these ppl who be telling his friends man this ''person'' keeps calling me and wont stop. they dont seem to get the message making himself look so desirable in their eyes when he's really being an immature ass.

we all age; we all dont grow up or mature. and i think when a person lacks common decency or basic manners that speaks volumes of them. such a blatant disregard for others shows an incredible amount of selfishness and lack or respect. you dont need to know why he's an immature ass the answer wont make you a better person. it's not that serious. the sad thing is we have to encounter 98 ppl who waste our time before we find 2 who are worthy. and you are feeling like a bug-a-boo because you have let him turn you into one. if you call someone and they dont respond leave 1 message on different days just to be certain but never bring your life to a halt to ponder why someone chooses to ignore you. life is too short to worry about ppl who are not worth your time. chalk it up as an experience and keep it rolling. ppl say lots of things often times things they dont mean but just do because its the ''right'' thing to say; its easy and cheap to say something but until i see actions supporting your talki view your words as verbal diarrhoea. they are very few ppl whose words are worth anything today. having said all that he did say his M.O and even though we all like to believe we are so special we arent and when someone does something they promised dont be shocked it happened to you. accept it and move on!
i am curious to know what he said about the other ppl he did this to before and what was his reasoning for do it. was it something serious or something trivial because if it was because he did not find them sexually interesting anymore then that speaks volume of him because contrary to popular belief there is more to life than sex and we wont be able to get it up forever.

Ladynay said...

Without reading what every one else said...

You need to walk away. You already know that when Dude is done with you that's how he acts. He is not going to change that just because you want an answer.

From my view it looks like he is done with what you guys had right now. You have to find a way to deal with that without having the answer to why it's over.

Chet said...

I hope that you have a good pair of running shoes because you need to run as fast as you can from this man, and the sitaution associated with Mister.

I agree it is quite difficult at times trying to understand men STR8 or gay.

PRIMO said...

I Say Just Let It Go.... He Obviously Really Aint worth your time anyway if he's already doing this.....

K.C. said...

I think the comment before me said it best and I agree, "let it go" - we'll never understand why it is that people do what they do and it's just a waste of time to expect people to conform to your expectations ... I wouldn't even waste a post on a dude like that ...

Anonymous said...

I am not a fan of T.D. Jakes, but he once said "learn the blessings of good-bye." Take your blessing and move on.