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Friday, August 8, 2008

Lord, here's my Vision...Make Me Over!


Today a incident with the champagne on a beer budget cousin just led me to breakdown a pray. It wasn't anything big, but it really got me thinking that I need God to put a renewal in my spirit. I know I don't do all the things that I should do, and one of those things is pray. I don't think...well no, I know I don't pray like I should. It's something that I have been taught since, as early as I can remember, but something I don't do as often as I know I should. however in this time in my life and in my family I think it's something I need to do more than ever. Every time I turn around there is something else, going on in my family, and it has truly gotten to a point, that I don't recognize them or me. I have changed myself and not for the better. I feel that I'm on a declining pathway. I feel my get up and go, my work ethic, my positivity, my optimism, my strive for the best, has all left me. Right before my little breakdown today, I couldn't help but think, God I want to sleep..sometimes I feel like I could just sleep forever. Sometimes I think it's depression and sometimes I think it's just laziness. Sometimes its so hard for me to drag myself out of bed. When I get out of bed I have such anger and resentment towards some people. I have unfortunately always been a person who held his anger, irritation, resentment, and frustration in...well until I explode. I think as I get older those feelings, which once exploded into wards or yelling, and now turning towards other things. Today with my cousin, I was driving him somewhere, since he has car trouble since the time of the credit card fiasco he put me in. A lot of people in my family are upset, that I'm now driving him around after what he did, to tell you the truth I still not sure why I'm doing it myself, but I know I have resentment every time I pick him up. That resentment frustrates me so much that I literally contemplate as I drive, pushing his head through the passenger window. No joke I literally sit there as I'm driving and I image myself doing serious bodily harm to him...Call me silly but I know that's not right.

As I was driving tonight there was two songs, that just rung in my soul, that I heard as my confirmations....James Fortune's "I Trust" and Tonex`'s "Lord Make Me Over." I felt they were for me. So as I was in my car by myself, I just started to pray to God. For some reason my car seems to be the place I do my best heart to heart with God. There was this recent episode of Run's House, where they were talking about Prayer notes, and how God reads your note and your heart as you write to him. I never written a prayer note before, but the bible does say "Write down the vision, and make it plain upon the tables, and he that readeth may run with it." Although this is a prayer and not necessarily a vision of anything concrete, it is a vision for me.


Dear Heavenly Father,
I write this in pursuit for you to renew my heart and soul, Lord. To break this spirit of depression and sorrow in my heart. To change my heart from heaviness, to joy again. Give me the drive to Lord to get up and go, and do the things I need to do and be. Take away any restraints of laziness, and give me the light of will power, and determination. I know that some things are within me, and only I can do, but release these things in me. Lord take away any ugliness in my heart. Take away anger and resentment and replace it with understanding and joy. Lord put me on a pathway to be a better man, that I know I can me. A pathway to being a better man, than those who I know and love. Let me be the example of what is right and not just another example as to what is wrong. Lord speak to me, in a way that allows me to make the right decisions regarding my future and destiny. Lord, help me be the shinning light I know I am. A man of God. Let me be a blessing to others.

Lord I'm ready for a change, create in me a clean heart, and renewed mind and soul, Lord. I trust that everything that my family is going through is for the greater good and your purpose and glory. I trust that everything will work out for the good. I know I don't do the things I should do and pray to you like I should, but I need a change. You said that write the vision down and make it plain, this is my vision for my self plain and clear. Do your work in me, Lord.

In Jesus name I pray and write this Amen.

11 comments:

RealHustla said...

Stay focused on your goal.

I'm reading Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind right now. You may find it very helpful so that you can stay on track this time.

Darius T. Williams said...

Aww - check you out! God has a way of keenly grabbing our attention.

Are you a church boy? You have to be because you have some great gospel cuts on your page - I love Come Though Almighty King and Make me over again is the shiznit. And you know about James Fortune and FIYA? Hmmmm...

Chet said...

You have heard the term: "God did not bring you this far to leave you."

Jesus can work it out, that problem that you have turn it over to the Lord he'll work it out!

My brotha stay focused, keep the faith and carry God with you always.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

There's a book called "Write It Down, Make It Happen". It's a really good book. I recommend you pick it up.

As far as your cousin, learn to say no. But do it with a smile.

WhozHe said...

Amen, a sincere prayer such as yours must availeth much.

One question, will insurance cover you if you push his head through the glass or does it have to be during an accident? Just asking. (LOL)

Prince Xem VanAdams-Lumumba said...

What you're doing, in using your opportunity of Peace and Sanction, to turn towards the almighty, and ask for his Hands of Protection, is the FIRST and Most poignant Step in HEALING your feelings of ANGER, RESENTMENT and FRUSTRATION. It WONT be so OBVIOUS when God begins to hold your Heart and Rejuvinate Your Spirit. However, in a week or two, once your cousin gets OUT of your car, it WILL Hit You, just how LITTLE You have agonized and ridiculed self in his presense. Wait Upon It...

fuzzy said...

With Timothy Wright on the left of the blog, how could he not be a church boy? I'm gonna get you d.t.w. for not noticing that!

I felt some dancing in heaven as I read that prayer! It sounds as though you just willingly gave your life over to God and renewed your commitment to God. That's what it sounds like!

I'm happy for you, I'ma just say AMEN!

Q said...

Wow, that prayer was so powerful. it's now 5:03 a.m. (I'm an insomniac), and you have me reflecting on my life as well. It was a reason I hit up your blog this morning. Thank you, and I know that everything will work out.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Great Prayer. God is good all the time!

As for your cousin, sir STOP IT! People with car trouble learn the public transportation system. Here in NYC they call it the M.T.A! LMAO.

~Damnit!

Opinionated Diva said...

wow...big hugs to you!!

Sigh...please say "no" to your cousin before you end up doing him serious bodily harm. Also, please stay away from him and other negative influences in your family. It's OK to love them FROM A DISTANCE!!!

Gotta Let it Out said...

Well said dude... your prayer was beautiful, it really touched me. And OD is right... it's okay to love from a distance... that tough kind of love.