Okay, so I've been M.I.A. for a minute now...same ole same ole been lazy. Every time I get on to write a post, I end up doing everything online but write a post, but here's the thing, I haven't been feeling like reading either, so that's why I have been absence from commenting on every one's blogs lately. I haven't felt like reading anything offline either, so don't feel bad. I think it is going to take forever to get through my next novel, for the book of the moment. I need to change it to the "Book of the Next 90 Days" or the "Book of the Next 6 Months", because it's taking me forever to get though Blair Underwood book, Casanegro or whatever it's called.
I'm seriously going to try and stop neglecting writing the things, that are on my mind. Because I truly realized that once again my blog is my solace, and my outlet to say and communicate, what's on my mind. I realized this week, that I have no one to talk to about certain things in my life, and the big one of those things being my sexuality. This includes the men I get with.I don't have one person I CAN talk to or shall I say, have CHOSEN to open myself up to about things in my personal, sexual, life. Here is the truth plain and simple, I don't really have any Gay friends or any DL friends for that matter. I don't have not one fellow DL friend.
Here's the deal, I have gotten with...well my share of dudes, but I wouldn't consider, not the first one of them a friend, or someone I can talk to about my love life or sex life. I guess perhaps, that might be on me, but the truth is I really don't see any of them as friend types or potential friends. Now I know some of you are saying why would you get with a person sexually, that you wouldn't want to be, at least a friend with. All I can say is just because I had a some what good type when we turn the lights off, don't mean I will have a good time when the lights are on. Most of the time, after I climax, I'm like will you get out of might sight already, and sometimes before we even do anything, I feel this way, but the thought of that climax keeps me there.
Now I have online friends, that I talk about certain things with, that I appreciate and I value, but I afraid that I have an ability to even mess that up. I met this guy online, in my city, and we have been talking online for like months, I want to say since the early Spring. I can talk to him about several things going on with me and men and whatnot. That is until this week.
Now this has been a guy, who is well in the closet or DL too. I met him on this website, and we having been talking and instant messaging each other since. He has wanted to meet up and well...I want to say date, but I have been totally against it. I wanted to keep it friends. I like being able to sign on and feeling free to talk and chat about anything and my feelings and whatnot. Then there is the whole thing, that I know we are not for each other, just from instant messaging online. It ranges from the shallow things like food and hobbies, to the deeper things like he wants and is in search for a Relationship, and not that I'm against relationships... I just don't know if I'm ready for one or can give what it takes to be in one. Then there was the physical, I never saw his picture, which I was cool and happy about, but he had told me he looked like Brian Mcknight, and Brian Mcknight has never done it for me at all...nothing. With all these things in mind, I knew I didn't want anything more but for us to remain online friends, maybe offline friends one day. That is until earlier this week.
I'm tired and going to bed I will finish this tomorrow!