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Friday, October 3, 2008

My Blog is Forever My Confidant

Okay, so I've been M.I.A. for a minute now...same ole same ole been lazy. Every time I get on to write a post, I end up doing everything online but write a post, but here's the thing, I haven't been feeling like reading either, so that's why I have been absence from commenting on every one's blogs lately. I haven't felt like reading anything offline either, so don't feel bad. I think it is going to take forever to get through my next novel, for the book of the moment. I need to change it to the "Book of the Next 90 Days" or the "Book of the Next 6 Months", because it's taking me forever to get though Blair Underwood book, Casanegro or whatever it's called.

I'm seriously going to try and stop neglecting writing the things, that are on my mind. Because I truly realized that once again my blog is my solace, and my outlet to say and communicate, what's on my mind. I realized this week, that I have no one to talk to about certain things in my life, and the big one of those things being my sexuality. This includes the men I get with.I don't have one person I CAN talk to or shall I say, have CHOSEN to open myself up to about things in my personal, sexual, life. Here is the truth plain and simple, I don't really have any Gay friends or any DL friends for that matter. I don't have not one fellow DL friend.

Here's the deal, I have gotten with...well my share of dudes, but I wouldn't consider, not the first one of them a friend, or someone I can talk to about my love life or sex life. I guess perhaps, that might be on me, but the truth is I really don't see any of them as friend types or potential friends. Now I know some of you are saying why would you get with a person sexually, that you wouldn't want to be, at least a friend with. All I can say is just because I had a some what good type when we turn the lights off, don't mean I will have a good time when the lights are on. Most of the time, after I climax, I'm like will you get out of might sight already, and sometimes before we even do anything, I feel this way, but the thought of that climax keeps me there.

Now I have online friends, that I talk about certain things with, that I appreciate and I value, but I afraid that I have an ability to even mess that up. I met this guy online, in my city, and we have been talking online for like months, I want to say since the early Spring. I can talk to him about several things going on with me and men and whatnot. That is until this week.

Now this has been a guy, who is well in the closet or DL too. I met him on this website, and we having been talking and instant messaging each other since. He has wanted to meet up and well...I want to say date, but I have been totally against it. I wanted to keep it friends. I like being able to sign on and feeling free to talk and chat about anything and my feelings and whatnot. Then there is the whole thing, that I know we are not for each other, just from instant messaging online. It ranges from the shallow things like food and hobbies, to the deeper things like he wants and is in search for a Relationship, and not that I'm against relationships... I just don't know if I'm ready for one or can give what it takes to be in one. Then there was the physical, I never saw his picture, which I was cool and happy about, but he had told me he looked like Brian Mcknight, and Brian Mcknight has never done it for me at all...nothing. With all these things in mind, I knew I didn't want anything more but for us to remain online friends, maybe offline friends one day. That is until earlier this week.

I'm tired and going to bed I will finish this tomorrow!

13 comments:

Sexxy Luv said...

Hey you~! glad you posted! :)

So when you finish are you going to tell us what happened between the two of you this week.....

I am caught in a similar situation as you...never seen a picture but has been talking for months...why do people do that but ask you to send 101 pictures and you do! ....crazy!

I think you should start to use the blog as your personal release that is what it's for so use it!

You can always talk to me if you like i'm here. :)

Take care, and have a great weekend.

Thaddeus L. Works. said...

Me...you can always chat with me about things...you know who this is.

Chay said...

what happened earlier this week

fuzzy said...

There are a couple of people that want to take this internet friendship to a personal relationship and a couple more that would like to put me in a relationship. I keep them at a distance.

Can you handle a relationship? Can you handle the state of being wifed up with a guy? things like that I would ask myself before even allowing the thought in your mind for consideration.

Opinionated Diva said...

You and your cliffhangers! *side eye*

I never know when to come by, you're so sporadic. *pouting*

Darius T. Williams said...

LOL - Diva is right - you and your damn cliffhangers!

So, you need to stop screwing every damn body and just find a dude to be friends with. You can totally control this issue. You're a churchboy - there are tons of dudes in the church that I'm sure would love to be your friend. Hell, yall can study the sunday school lesson together - lol.

Jersey Brotha said...

Amen @ Darius. Especially 'studying the sunday school lesson together' lol.

Trust me dude, do NOT meet up with him until you see his pic. You will be sorely disappointed if he looks like a monster. Hell, people will say they look as good as anybody these days. I don't believe that shit one bit.

Don't worry about how long it takes you to blog. It's your blog. Do it as much (or as little as you want). I feel the same way sometimes.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Hey! I missed you and your long insightful comments.

Nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship. When you meet dudes are you looking for a friendship or just sex?

You got my email!

Q said...

Ummm, dating a DL man is the worst, it's like trying to hide from the paparazzi!

j_shanlin said...

hey hunny,

I just got out of my rut and Im back on the blog scene, so I know EXACTLY what you're talking about... Also, the friends will come. Sometimes it takes a while. I've been alive for almost 20 years, and I STILL don't have someone I can bear all with. That's just me though...idk. I'll keep up with you pumpkin.
Oh and P.S. I enjoyed dating a DL man, it removed a lot of drama that came as a result of dating an out man....

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Friends are good when you find good ones. I have friends but because I'm a relatively private person, I don't bare all to many people. Take ya time dude. Friends will come eventually.

~Damnit!

RocaFella07 said...

If you have yet to see this guys pics, then there should be NO MEETING!...I dont care how "DL" he is, there's no excuse for being Pic-Less in 2008.

You should atleast tell him the reasons why you guys cant be involved on any other level then frirendship.

;-)

Chet said...

Mister did you think that your deliquent balance on your credit card would not keep you from securing the auto loan you want, think again the creditors are absolutely tight right about now otherwise a balance so small may not have caused you to be denied the loan, credit score was probably jacked for late pay etc, take your time and restructure your credit history.

It appears that you have been partying quite regularily however; sorry to hear that you had to leave the party early being that your Lil Brotha got caught up, he just needs new friends.

Two week notice from your director? Changes in Admin can be so overwhelming, just make sure your position is secure or apply for her old position.

Two o'clock in the morning you get a call from who? If someone calls me at two it better be a booty call or emergency; not really I do stay up some nights talking on the phone with Debbie or Sam till it is almost time for me to get up for work and a brotha be sleepy. I am pleased to hear that you have such a good heart and that you went to meet your friend and help him with his car trouble, "that's what friends are for."

Janet concert oh that must have been nice, I loves me some Janet. Hope that you enjoyed the new Noah's Arc movie. Hope you behaved your bad azz while you were in New York.