I guess a Black man's life is worth less than a dog's

I haven't blogged in some time, not because I didn't have a lot to say, I do. I just have been lazy...I take that back not lazy, but just busy, and not really up to it. However, that is going to change. I have a lot to say. Let me start, with something that made me angry.

Yesterday, three police officers were found not guilty in the the killing of Sean Bell. They were charged with manslaughter and reckless endangerment. For you who do not know. Sean Bell was shot over 50 times after leaving his bachelor party, on the morning of his wedding day. One police officer alone shot him 31 of the 50 times, of course pausing to reload. Reportedly the officers in plain clothes, approached Sean at his car, while leaving the strip club after an incident with one of his friends and a girl at the club. When he didn't raise his hands, to the officers, who hadn't identified themselves as so, with drawn weapons, he tried to flee. They then thought it was hunting season, and shot, and continued to shoot, until Sean and his two friends had 50 bullets in them. The officers claimed they thought he had a gun, because they claimed they overheard one of Sean's friends say, in the strip club,I'm going to get my gun.

Now I wasn't there like the rest of us. We will never be sure about what truly happened. There are several different version and testimonies to what happened that night. However, I think some justice should have been taken place. Even if what the police officers said was true. Their response to the situation, had to be...No, was out of protocol. I've heard Dave Chapelle and other comedians, make jokes about police and what they call warning shots, but when you hear about it, in real life it isn't quite so funny. Where was the warning shot. If he had a gun, then you shoot them in the arm, where you think he has a gun in. Didn't the judge think that 50 warning shots, was unnecessary. Especially when Detective Micheal Oliver, had time to reload his gun, to shoot some more. Even if the judge didn't get them on manslaughter, which this definitely was, you would think he would get them on reckless endangerment. I guess the judge didn't think so. They opted for a bench trial verses a jury trial, because they couldn't get the trial moved out of Queens, NY. I guess they thought 12 of their peers, in Queens, would think differently, than the white judge, and I guess they were correct. I wonder if Sean was white, what the verdict, would have been.

After hearing t his verdict, I could help but think of one person, and that is Micheal Vick. I know it might sound strange, but that is exactly what came across my mind. Now being from the same state as Michael, I think we got even more coverage of this case than, the over mediated network coverage. I kept think here we have an unarmed man shot to death by the hands of police officers, and it not getting as nearly as much coverage as the Micheal Vick dog fighting case. I guess because Sean Bell, wasn't a celebrity, than it wasn't really big news worthy. Then after hearing the verdict, you can't help, but see the true crime here. Micheal Vick was sentence to two years in prison, for his involvement, in the dog fighting, and still faces state charges. PETA was all over this, talking about the animals rights and whatnot. Well Fuck PETA! What about human rights. We have a man dead, and three men get off, with not one charge against them. We have a BLACK guy who made a dumb decision involving dogs, and he is looking at 2 years in prison, maybe 5 after the state charges go to trial. If he was white, I wonder if he would be getting as much attention. I see some true injustice.

My parents, and my aunts and uncle, come from the baby boom time. They are in their 50's and early 60's, and are from that civil rights time. I heard most of my life about the differences between whites and blacks. That there is a different justice to them, and that I should always know that. Over the years I have tried to argue, about different things not being about race, but push comes to shove, I think they are right. Even 40 years after the civil rights movement. I think we still have huge issues in justice for blacks. On the Micheal Baisden radio show, they were describing the scene outside the courthouse. Witnesses, said that the younger blacks, were outraged and angry, yet the older blacks, were calm and emotionless. To them it was, just another case of blacks getting the short end of the stick, once again.

I Understand, I'm Downlow and You Hate Me!

After, a comment I received, on a post, from another blog. It hit me like a brick on the head, what I have went wrong on my blog about. I really don't know what my intentions were, when I started my blog, except to have a place to tell my experiences, and enter thoughts, that I don't normally express.

However I think I should take this, as an opportunity to show a different side to a downlow man. I am honest to myself and others, that I have some hoe-ish ways. I have shown that side, now maybe it's time for another.

We all have our personal reasons, as to why and how we live our lives. However, through the media, books, and the overly publicised bad examples, Downlow Black Men, are consider the scum of earth. We have been portrayed as cowardly, hurtful, lying, deceitful men, who bring Aides home to our black women. Perhaps, that might be true to some extent or in some cases, but there are exceptions to every example.

Here's the thing I hope to accomplish, through the progression of my blog. That maybe I can show the human side or perhaps, the lovable side to the downlow man. I do believe there is one.

The thing is not just straight black women are scared, and not that they don't have reason to be, because of some DL men, but a lot of out Gay men, don't like us. We are the cowards, who won't be true to ourselves and what not...yeah... yeah... I've heard it all. Maybe we are different, in ways, but at the end of the day, we both still get down, with men. However this is my new mission.

Ahh...sweet success, now bring on the Ed-ju-ma-cation!

Right now I am really exciting, about my current business endeavours. Business wise I can really see the horizon of minor success. To be honest, I really didn't think I would see any results; at least not by myself. I really thought I needed someones help, like my mom's financial resources. This just shows you, what good credit can do for you. I think that's what also makes this so sweet, I'm doing this on my own.

I am working on two deal, that could potentially be the start of a very profitable future. One is a minor deal, nice little check, for not doing much, but it really is setting me up for great connections. The other deal, if I play it right could be the start of my financial security. That is without a doubt my most important goal. I plan on turning this chunk of change, and continue to keep flipping that money, until I hit secure territory.

The strange part is, the closer I get to actual profits. The more I get school on my mind. Since I left high school, my family has been wanting me to get serious about school. I have changed majors, multiple times. Never really taking anything, that interest me, or really just not wanting to be there. I have taken a semester off here, and a semester off there. I can't explain it, but it just wasn't in my heart. Deep down I always knew I would eventually get it. It's really what I have wanted since the 6th grade. I want to be considered, an educated black man. My goal was to get a Bachelors and a Masters, meanwhile four years later after high school, and I still haven't finished getting my bachelors.

Here I am getting closer to some sort of success, business wise, that could turn into something major, and now I want to get all serious about finishing school. Deep down I think I know where this is coming from.

Sometimes I do, have this I will show you attitude, my forever way of, trying to prove somebody wrong. I can't help it. For sometime now, not just from my family, but from outside sources, I've heard this, if you want a decent future then college is the way to go. I however, just don't believe that. Don't get me wrong, I think college is very important, but I don think it is the begin all, be all of success. One of my favorite aunts, who I love dearly; actually told me, after hearing about my recent semester off, "...And I thought you were going to be something, you had such potential." As if my life is over, or I'm in my fifties on the fry station at McDonald's.

It's not just from family either, it's so many people. I mean I'm feel good, that many people are concerned about my welfare, but really sometimes their so called helpful comments, is just...stupid! I remember back, when I was in my senior year in high school, and I told a friend, Katrina about my thoughts, about not going to school right away. Her response was, "If you don't go to college, what will happen to you? I mean what kind of future are you going to have?" I mean she acting as if I was going to be poor and living in the projects. That was the beginning of four years of comments like that.

This country is full of, people who didn't finish college or didn't even go, and are very successful, and yes, they never rapped or played professional sports. This country is full of successful entrepreneurs, who didn't say... finish school. I'm not saying it was easy, but they did make it happen.

I think that's what I set out to do. To legally be successful...well maybe not successful, and more as financially secure, before finishing college. Now I'm ready to getting cracking seriously on books. However I'm going to keep that on the low. No need to let people think they are the reason, for me to let people think they were the reason for my change in behavior. I'm going to wait until, all checks are cleared and profits are in, and more deals are made, before I let people in, on my plans.

I can be initmate with a man, more than one way

F.Y.I- This particular post, is going to be written, in third person, in dedication to a certain person. To prove to them, that it easier to write in, than they believe can be done.





Last night, He was writing his post, about his weekend, and recent events. He had one last tryst with L.A. and a few run-ins with Blue. Not really feeling up to it, he decided, to finish it later. He wasn't in a good mood, not angry, but more so on the down side. Sometimes the lifestyle and his dealings with men, could be a bit tiresome, at times. After not wanting to do much of anything else, he decide to go for a ride. Not going anywhere in particular, just out. It was a nice spring night, in the city.

He had his windows down, listening to the classic and contemporary R&B station. He was a fan of the midnight storm type of music, at night. He pulled up at the stop light, and he heard the same music, from his radio, coming from the car, beside him. He looked over and at the same time the driver behind the other car's wheel looked over at him. The other driver was really getting into the music, but it didn't stop him, from giving a head nod, to him. For a couple of miles, they drove side by side, every so often glancing at each other, at further stop lights. They were catching each other's eye, every so often; letting it linger for a couple seconds too long. He was having some fun, he knew this feeling he was having, the other driver was for the down. Last night, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go down that path. He was thinking that the bull, that he goes through, even with DL men is what was putting him in a funk to begin with. After giving it some thought, he look at the guy, who at first sight, looked about in his late 30s. The other driver also was driving a nice luxury car, more on the sensible side, but still luxury nonetheless. He had also noticed, that the plates, were from out of state, Maryland. He threw caution to the wind, and figured, why not get out of a funk, part to do with men, by getting with one. At the next stop light, flat out told the other guy to follow him. After pulling over at a Hardee's, they talked for about 15mins and decided to go back to the other driver's hotel. The other driver, had explained, that he was in town, on business, and that he just driving around. In their conversation, the other driver, had mentioned he was married. Even though it was against his usual morals to get with married men, he was selfish, and figured he needed a pick me up, regardless.

When they got to the other driver's hotel, He was starting to feel a bit self conscience. He wondered, if the valet, knew what he was there to do, with the other driver, by now it was late. Did they know, he was there, for just some sex?...Or that they barely knew each other, let alone each other's name? They had small talk, from the lobby all the way to his room. He realized, that the other driver, was a little bit older, than his late 30s, but he was distinguished. He was usually calm and relaxed, but tonight, with this new man, he was a bit on the nervous side. He didn't know why though. It was a nice room. After excusing himself to the bathroom, he came out to find the new lover, fully undressed but his underwear. He had even folded, his clothes.

After discussing, what they were into. He had found out, that the new man, was a full bottom. He was cool, with that, even though he didn't get down with actual intercourse to much. He didn't usually like to get down that seriously much. He was still nervous, it was bothering him a bit, that he was. However, it was rare, but he liked it, when he was nervous about a man. He felt unsure how to begin. He just took off all his clothes, and told the new man, to do whatever, and he will take his lead from there.

Not going into to much detail, but it was a very passionate rendezvous...very physical. When the new man kissed him, with all his might and tongue, the new man's after five stubble, was burning his face. It still felt good. They were all over each other, alternating, who was on top. After, what felt like a highly sexual wrestling match, which included him getting some oral, and the new guy getting fingered, and rough dry humping; they ended up, with him standing on the King size, trying to screw the new man's mouth off. The new guy seemed a little tired, definitely out of breath, and worn out. He asked his new lover, if he wanted to take a break. The new lover just nodded "yes".

They started to talk, about age. The new lover, had explained, that he wasn't as young, as he used to be. How it was times like this, he wished he was 30 again. He took this as a time to asked, the new lover his age, he turned out to be 50. It was nothing shocking for him, he had been with older men before, not hard since he was 21 himself. They talked some more. The new lover had explained that, he was in town to lecture. He explained, that he was also a writer of sorts, however he had never published. In a little joking fashion, the new lover told him, that I bet you can't guess, what I do, where I write every week, but never publish. He told the new lover, the first thing, that came to him. " I don't know, a preacher?" The new lover explained his shock, but he was in fact a pastor. He really didn't know why that was his first thought, but it was just an aura, that the new lover had. Maybe that was the thing, that he was feeling, that made him, nervous to begin with.

They talked and talked some more... from everything about the church and ministry, to about the new lover's marriage, to about college and career. After the new lover had told, about some of the cities he lived, they realized they had a mutual acquaintance, who was a wanna be pastor. Talk about six-degrees of separation. He wanted to change the subject quick, after that. Didn't want to find out, who else they had in common. He had been around pastors, and preachers, his whole life, through his family. He was sure, they had more in common. He really talked to this man, like he really had never before, with a man he was intimate with. He felt safe, with this man. Not guilty at all, like he thought he would, if he had ever got with a preacher. Maybe it was because, he didn't know to begin with. He even disclosed to his new lover, that he had even thought about himself, getting with a pastor. Particular pastors he knew, not just any preacher. After a couple hours, of talking, he realized, that it was getting late..or early for that matter. As sad as it may seem, he realized that he knew a lot about this man, except, what his name was. It was Bobby. The morning dawn was peeping through the window, so he decide to leave, and let his new lover sleep.

He got dressed, and they talked a little bit more, about the pros and cons of HBC's and diverse universities. Feeling a bit awkward about it, he asked his new lover, where do they go from here. The new lover explained, they will just part ways. He picked up the hotel stationary, and wrote his number, email address, and his real name. It hit him, right then, that he actually told this, man, that he had just been intimate with, his real name. He had been with many man, but never had he every gave them, his real name. His real initial at times, like he gave L.A., but never his real name. They said their good byes, and he left. While on the elevator down, he thought about the experience, he had with the pastor. He knew that Pastor Bobby, wasn't going to call him, and he was very cool with that. He was also cool, that he didn't even finish getting off. He left with something special, he really didn't think he would have. While getting in his car, he realized that there, really might be a day, that he could be comfortable and truly let himself go free, with a guy. He left feeling mentally refreshed, by his experience, with Pastor Bobby. He also left feeling sore all over his body, the next day. His new lover might have been the one to give out first, but he really gave him a work out.