Diary Of A Mad Black Down Low Man

Finally...The Conclusion to Mother's Day...DL Style

2011-06-24T13:06:00.005-04:00

You have those moments, where you are thinking about someone quite often, and then you run into them, or they call you out of the blue. Well, for the past few weeks, I had been thinking about him, but not just him. I had been thinking about him, and his wife and kids. Although, I had never been to his house, I had been invited a couple of times. There were times when he would mention something in his house, as if I should know what he was talking about, I would have to remind him, I’ve never been there. He would insist I had been. I would shut the conversation down, and just let him know he was confusing me, with one, of his other men. All I knew was that he had to live in area of town, based on the malls; he shopped at, the grocery stores, and the Wal-Mart he shopped at. There is 5 Wal-Mart’s that are in 10-15 min radius to one another, yet the one he shopped at I was familiar with. So in the past couple weeks, I know some might think its crazy, but that what my gut was telling me. Know in my mind, I had the feeling I was going to one day walk into a store and he would be there with his kids, or sit down to eat somewhere, and he would be at another table with his wife eating. Even worse run into with his whole family. I thought about scenarios of how I would handle it or how he would handle. Would we play it like we knew each other or just strangers who give a courtesy head nod, with a knowing look in our eyes? I figured I would take his lead; he would have the most to lose, so whatever he wanted. I’m not an evil revengeful person. These were the things I was thinking about, the weeks prior to that day.

“Hey, Y”

I was so busy reading the calligraphy written labels, of the dishes, that I never noticed anyone coming up to me. It was a man’s voice. I was with any man at the Brunch, so I knew it wasn’t someone I came with. It startled me for a second; I looked up, to see the man that was talking to me. There standing in front of me was Loe. Even though I had been thinking about him lately, I wasn’t prepared to run into him. There he was in the flesh. All I could mutter out was hey. My head was spinning fast, not because of seeing him particularly, but the situation at hand. The minute my eyes went to him, my mind went to racing. I wasn’t that crazy in forgetting where I was at, and who I was with. In all of the times, in the past couple of weeks, I had been thinking about running into Loe; not in one circumstance, had I thought about my family and friends, let alone my Mom, being with me. Instantly my mind went into Danger mode…Sirens and alarms were going off in the cockpit of my head. I had to keep remind myself quickly, whatever you do, remain cool and calm. Now that I think about it, he may have used my full name, “Hey, Young.” That sounds more like it. He reason, thought usually calls me “Y.” He sometimes would call me Baldwin, as in Baldwin Hills, because he for some reason thought I lived likes the kids on the television show. He felt like I never worked, but was always shopping. I worked enough for him to ask to borrow money.

Moving on, all I could muster out was, “Loe?”
He was all smiles. “How you doing, man?” I wanted to say not good right now, that’s for sure. I’m running into you, they got no waffles, not a good day so far. Despite that I say, “Good…yeah…yeah…I’m good.” It’s at the moment that I finally notice something about Loe that, I can’t believe I hadn’t paid attention to, from the moment I saw him. He was standing there in a white chef’s jacket and a white chef’s hat. He was looking like a chocolate Chef-Bo–R-Dee. My mind is saying, what the hell are you doing, Nigga? I know it may be hard for some to believe, but I do have home training. As I’m looking him up and down, I simple say, “And how are you doin’?” He then gets this huge grin on his face and says, “Guess what?” I’m not even in the mood to play this game. I give him a half smile, and I just shrug my shoulders. With a huge smile on his face, he says, “I’m getting a Divorce!” I mean his head is nodding up and down, and cheesing, like he won an award. I want to say…You want a cookie? However what I said, “Congratulations?” I mean, what the hell was I suppose to say. I go on to say, “Is this a good thing?” He then replies, “Yeah man, I had to do it. I mean I couldn’t continue to live like that. It wasn’t good for any of us.” I’m not quite sure what exactly he was referring to. Was it living the double life? Was it her financial issues? Was it, that they were simple not happy? Was it other issues that I didn’t know about? I didn’t inquire, didn’t want to get into that. I have to ask him about the pink elephant in the room, but I couldn’t quite go there yet. I instead ask him, “So everything else is good?” He says, “Yep everything is cool.” So he wasn’t getting where I was going, so I have to say it, “So are you no longer with your firm?” He finally gets where I’m going with this. He hadn’t addressed it yet. He gets a small grin on his face. “Oh, yeah I’m still there, but someone once told me, ‘It was cheaper to keep her’” He laughs at that. Okay a pet peeve of mine was when he would take my words out of context and make me sound bad. This perhaps was the only time; he may have used it correctly. I did say that to him. It was in reference to them having financial issues, and him leaving her because of the issues she caused. I told him leaving her was only going to make things worse, because he would have to continue to help pay for her and the kids, and then pay for his new single life. Once again I never heard of two people divorcing, to improve financial problems. Both parties never walk away and saying, “Well that was profitable;” maybe one party, but never both. Anyway he goes on to say, “I needed a few extra bucks, now that I got two households to take care of.” I’m thinking, ‘No really! I wonder who mentioned that to you first.’ He then tells me, “I work here a few weekends a month. It supplements my living expenses.” I then notice another man with a white chef’s hat and coat, about the same age as Loe, starring at us, a few chaffing trays away. It’s a funny look he is giving us. I can’t explain it the look. It doesn’t seem to be a look of why is he talking and not working. It doesn’t seem to be a look of being nosy and trying to figure out of what we are talking about. It’s just a weird look. Loe interrupts my train of thought, with a comment that unravels me a bit. He asks,” Is that your mother, Y?” He has a hug slick grin on his face. I look at where he’s pointing to. He points directly, to where my mother and aunt are eating. I can’t help but wonder, how long before he spoke to me, had he been watching me. I mean it wasn’t like we were the only blacks in the room, so how did he know where I was sitting and with whom. Usually I’m so observant, how did I miss him being in the room. This was making me uneasy. All I do is nod. He then says in a goofy childlike way, “You look like her, Young.” Once again my nerves begin to unravel. I hate the position, I’m currently in. This is not a good look. I just continue to nod. What else could I say? I look to my side, and the other chef, is still looking at us, a couple of chaffing dishes down. It’s time for this little reunion to end. I start doing that thing that you do, when you want a conversation to end; you say, “Well, okay then…” He just continues to smile at me. I can’t help but wonder, if he is waiting for those magic words. You know those words you are suppose to say after you run into someone you haven’t seen in a minute. I think about it for a few seconds, but what would be the point. I had done this a number of times with, especially with Loe. I continue to ponder it, but I decide against. Loe doesn’t hear, “I’ll call you” today. I had to stop going in circles. I get nowhere with it. Besides all of that, my phone was stolen a couple weeks before, along with all my contacts. All his numbers are gone, and I don’t ask for them. I’m sure my number is gone from his as well, because an excuse of his, was that he was always misplaced my number, when we hadn’t spoken in a while. I just had a weird feeling that was what was on his mind as well. I leave it unsaid though. He finally says, “Well, alright Y.” I simply say, “Bye” He then tells me to take care. I turn around, that other chef is still starring at Loe, I can’t help but wonder is he messing with Loe now. I mean Loe isn’t the finest nigga, but he gets it in. To think of it, I couldn’t help look at Loe and wonder, why did I let it go on as long as I did? I mean when we first met he, had a sort of an Anthony Hamilton thing going on. Not exactly my type, Anthony Hamilton, doesn’t really do it for me. However now he had a kind of Ceelo Greene, with a fro going on. His neck was looking real swole. I think since the separation, he must be eating a lot of take out or perhaps a lot of leftovers from the hotel. As I walk away he continues to look at Loe, I could be totally wrong, but it looked like jealousy I was seeing.

I was so flustered, that I didn’t even realize I was walking back to my table, with an empty plate. I knew I couldn’t go back to the area Loe was at, so I went to another section, to find me something edible. I really needed a drink at this moment; even though I don’t drink. Even if I wanted to, this janky brunch didn’t have any. Most brunches I’ve been to, at least have some Mimosas flowing. Even if I did find something edible, I couldn’t eat. The whole time I was back at my table, I felt eyes on me. I tried my hardest not to look over there, just in case he was. It wasn’t long before I was just ready to go. I was not enjoying this brunch at all. All I ate was an omelet, some bacon, some fruit and a croissant that tasted like it came from Costcos. I know a Costco croissant, when I taste it. The chocolate fountain, chocolate was nasty, the dessert all felt store bought. I was more than ready to go. I had to get out of this dining room. We couldn’t leave without Loe catching my mother’s attention though. We are sitting at our table talking, when we hear a couple gasps and yells, Loe is at the omelet station, at this point. I’m not exactly sure what was going on, but something he was doing, caught on fire. There was a huge flame in front of him. My mother couldn’t help but wonder, “What’s wrong with that dumby? He’s just standing there like an idiot. Why isn’t he trying to put the fire out?” Loe was just standing there. It took that other chef who was looking at him to put it out. After the “Starring” chef put it out he kept patting Loe’s back as they had a little chuckle about it. My mother continues, “They don’t need that guy on an open flame, if he just going to freeze up like that.” I had that crazy feeling in my stomach, if only she knew. I pay for my mother and me. At $35.00 dollars a person, plus tax and tip; I paid over $80.00, for the two of us, and something I could have gotten at Burger King. My aunt was on her own, she wasn’t my mother. I couldn’t have gotten out of there faster. I was just happy to get out of there with as little drama as possible going on. We had an intense conversation about how I hated that Brunch, in the car. It wasn’t the greatest in her eyes, but she didn’t hate it. She then mentions how she really wanted to go to this restaurant that I personally love, but she didn’t want to say anything. It was our little tradition, and she thought I wanted to do it, so much, so she didn’t want to upset me. I’m thinking that truly wouldn’t have upset me as much as that brunch did. We decided that no more Holiday brunches were in store for us. Only if she knew that wasn’t the only tradition, that ended in that brunch that day.

Mother's Day,..DL Style

2011-05-31T23:35:00.011-04:00

I’m wondering now if this post is meant for me not to write. I have written it a couple times now. The first time I wrote it, and was almost finished, and about to transfer it from my computer to Blogger. Right before I was about to transfer it, I got my first computer virus ever. I didn’t realize that’s what it was at first. Some things wouldn’t work, I let a friend check it out, and it turns out to be a virus. Let the anti- virus skip a few days, and I sho-nuff got a virus. Long story short, wiped everything out. I tried writing this again. I wrote it once again on my laptop, the battery was running low, after writing. I was almost finished, and didn’t feel like getting the battery charger, at that moment. My computer died. I went and got the charger, and everything was gone. Before the virus, if my battery died. I would get the charger; it would bring up anything, right where I left off. Now everything is gone. Why these things keep happening when I’m about to finish. The thought of writing it again, seemed very daunting, and you know how long my posts are too. Anyway, here we go again. I’m trying to finish this before the month of May ends, since this happened on Mother’s Day.

You know how some things unconsciously become traditions, and you not, even mean for it to happen. You do something, you like it once, you do it again. You enjoy it that time as, well, and the next thing you know you somehow have developed a tradition. I’m not exactly sure when it happens, but me and my mother have developed a tradition on Mother’s Day, of going to brunch. I love a good brunch. I know how some love the mixing of breakfast with lunch items. I think I love the excuse to eat breakfast later, in the day. I especially love Hotel brunch buffet. To this day, I believe the Hyatt has the best. In that no matter what city you are in, it is a guarantee going to be, good. Not necessary the best in what they offer or how they prepare, but consistent great quality. Anyway, this year was nothing different. I did wait until the last minute to make reservations, however this year. Most of the hotels, I called, were booked up, for Mother’s Day brunch. It’s obviously a big day for people to take their mothers to; I mean nothing says “I love you, Mom,” like an omelet bar and cheesecake. I mentioned it to my mom, and she mentioned, a hotel, that we have never been to for brunch, ever. I did meet someone once there at the bar, for drinks, but never ate there. I called them, and them, and they had an opening. Here’s the thing, my gut really wasn’t into going to brunch this year. The last few times, we went to brunch on a holiday, I wasn’t the biggest fan. I didn’t mention it, because like I mentioned, it has sort of become our tradition.

This Mother’s Day started off weird, from jump. First of all, Mother really didn’t feel like going to church, this Mother’s Day. Her not wanting go to church, is weird for a holiday. She just wasn’t in the mood. Then, well I had to go take care of an errand, that I had scheduled for that Sunday, I had to well go visit someone in jail. That’s right, you read correctly. I would have skipped it, and saw them another fay, but some things were going on in jail, that I had to go see about. It’s a very long story that I might write about another day. The next thing, my cousin couldn’t come down to have Mother’s Day with my aunt, so she came down, and had Mother’s Day, with us. The morning I had, I really wasn’t in the mood to go, to this brunch, but I went anyway. Sometimes you really need to go, with your instincts.

We get to the hotel, and even though, they have our reservations, they have us wait 20 minutes to seat. Apparently our table wasn’t ready. Why I don’t know, since have the dining room was empty. Now when I called to make the reservations, I asked what some of the items on the menu were for the brunch. There were a list of things, the girl ran down, for me. The two that sealed it for me, was the rack of lamb. I hadn’t had lamb in a minute, so I was excited. Let me paint a picture of the room. There are dining tables all over the room, with linen table clothes. In the far right of the room are tables of lined stainless steel chaffing trays sitting on pillows of gathered linen, sitting on tables, with flat linen. In one corner, there is am omelet station. In another corner, there is a desert station, with an ice sculpture, and a chocolate fountain. Beside the dessert station there is a cheese station. When I go up to the meat station, all I see is a big ham, being sliced, and a big slab of roast beef. I asked one of the guys at the meat station, where was the lamb. He informs me, there is no lamb. I was confused, and upset at that revelation. I then regroup, and go for my next brunch favorite; a nice hot made for me, Belgium waffle. I then asked someone, to point me to the Belgium waffle station. That’s when again I get a look of confusion, from someone who works there, as in “What are you talking about?” I am informed, there is no waffle station. Desperation, is grasping me. I then quickly ask, “Pancake?”…No… “Thick French Toast?”… Sorry, no sir. Devastated now, I asked “Well, what do you have?” She escorts me to a stainless steel chaffing dish with Crepes in it. Okay, now I have been to many of kinds of brunch, and to this day, that is the only brunch, where there was not an item, that maple syrup can be applied to. Even fancy Italian restaurants, at least had stuffed French toast. It was stuffed with mascapone cheese (For my food ignorant readers, that’s Italian cream cheese), but it was an item that syrup could be applied too. Even smaller hotels, like Hampton Inn, Marriott Courtyard, even Holiday Inn Express, have waffles for their continental breakfast. You know they have the little prepared cups of batter, and you pour it into the waffle maker, and then turn the waffle maker upside down, and it cooks in 3 minutes. I know someone knows what I’m talking about. They even have a waffle. I mean you’re telling me, the only thing they could come up with is crepes. They didn’t even look good. I have made crepes before. The first time, I believe I was like 12. I know what crepes are supposed to be. They are supposed to be light and thin versions of pancakes, almost as then as a piece of paper. These were thick and doughy, and not in a good way either, stuffed with canned pears and raisin, smothered with a vanilla rum sauce. At this point I’m ready to go. I even mention it to my Mother. I was so ready. I’m usually the find a bright side to a disappointment type, but not this time. I ask my waitress, about what I was told over the phone, of what they were having, and how nothing has matched. She tells me, that it sounds like their Easter menu. Everything that was told to me was on their Easter brunch menu. Even though I wanted to go, I decide to make the best, because the brunch was not about me. It was about my Mother. I felt if she was cool with it, I could deal with it. I’m walking slowly from chaffing tray to chaffing tray, reading the calligraphy written names, of the dishes, on linen paper. Nothing of which, sounding like something I want to eat. All of a sudden, a get startled, when a voice out of nowhere says, “Hey Y.” I look up and there he is.

Okay, now I haven’t mentioned much about my relationship, with my married acquaintance. I’m not exactly sure why, just haven’t. I mean I have talked about him indirectly. There have been a couple of post about him, but I never mentioned his name or our experiences directly. I have my theories as to why I haven’t talked about us, but I’m not positive. I mean right now, it’s so hard to talk about him. Not sure how to start or where to go with this. Even though I have written this a couple times already, this part never gets easy. This is the part I’m the angriest, that got deleted. As soon, as I think I got it figured out, I have to start all over again, and try to figure it out again. Well, I guess I will start with giving him an official blog name. His name is Loe. I once had a blogger, tell me outside of my blog, that they thought, the nicknames I gave were funny. The funny part is that I’m not really making them up. I may get in trouble, for saying this, but the names I give, are basically, what’s in my phone. The names you see, is the names I basically call them. Some may be slightly different. Loe was in my phone. He once wanted to go by D.L, but once he realized his attraction to men, he thought it was too close, for his comfort. Like people were going to figure out he liked guys, because his name was D.L. I told him, that people don’t think that about D.L. Hughley. However, that was a choice he made years ago, before me. I had a couple different names for his different numbers, one for his office, cell, and home. That’s right I had his house number. I never used it, just didn’t feel right; however he never minded calling me from his house number. He trusted me. For some reason, that always surprised me. I don’t know why it surprised me, I guess because, if I was in his shoes I would have been more careful, always cautious.

Once again I’m lost in how to go on about him. I mean I have told a lot in my blog past, but this seems to be hard, for me to write. It’s not like we had some great lost love affair. In fact, I often felt like it was something, like a one night stand that was stretched into, something more than it should have been. To be honest Loe was never my type. I’m not saying that, in a malicious after thought either. From Jump Street he really was never my type. When I first met him, I thought…well okay I’ll do you. I mean I thought we were going to get each off, and that’s what that. Especially, when he told me, he was married, which was in the first 10 minutes. I believe my question was, “What are you into?” That is usually a typical question for me. It usually leads into “The Talk.” I’ve talked about “The Talk,” just establishing what you are into, what I’m into, do we want what they got to give. Never have I gotten a response, like he gave me. He started rabbling about so fast, it left me dazed. It went something like this…”Well, I’m married, been married for 15 years. I have two kids, blah and blah. I realized I had an attraction for guys, back in college, but suppressed those feelings, and got married. Was doing good, until I hit 31, went on a business trip. There was this other guy there on the business trip. He asked me would I like to meet him at the bar for drinks after a day of seminars. I did. He told me he saw something, in me, and the next thing I know he turned me out. We dated for 5 years, until his job transferred him to another state. I’m back out there on the scene…” At that point I had to stop him. I told him, look all I wanted to know was are you into oral sex. He explained to me his version of the “DL philosophy.” He felt that as DL man you lie so much in your everyday life, that when you are amongst other DL men, you should never have to lie. I mean I get where he comes from, but I still think its bull. With that philosophy, you lie to your love ones, but truthful, to strangers you have sex with…pa-lease! If I’m going to lie to my love ones, I’m lying to the strangers, point blank. We exchanged numbers. However I’ve grown since starting this blog. That whole exchanging numbers don’t mean anything, anymore. He asked for my number, I gave it to him, but didn’t think of anything after that. I’ve had guys asked to exchange number. Then if I call them, they act like; “Negro, how did you get my number?” however he called a couple days later, totally took me by surprise. I met him Sunday night and Tuesday, like 10, 11 in the morning, he was calling me, talking about he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I had never had a guy say that, or act like that towards me. It felt different. It felt new. It felt good. Then he asked me out on a date. He was the first guy I ever went out on a date too.

That’s right; he was the first guy I ever went out on a date with. To this date, he is the only guy I ever went out on a real date with. That’s a post for another day though. In fact, I tried to write about it a couple of times. It never came to publish though. It was called; you guessed it, “My First Date with a Man.” I remember, when it first happened, and I was chatting, with another blogger online, and they couldn’t believe it was my first date, with a man. I mean I guess people assume that after reading my blog, I’m dating men up a storm. Um, no. I screw and mess around with these guys, but I’m not dating any of them. I do not consider going to Mickey D’s or Burger King, for a whopper jr. with cheese, after I ejaculate, a date. I’m sorry, it’s not. I will say this. I did enjoy the experience. I think that’s why it lasted as long as it did. I like going out to eat or appetizers and drinks, and talk to a guy who knows where I’m coming from sexually, and expressing myself freely. I think the issue was liked the dating aspect, but wrong dude. He he was my type in the looks department I think I could have looked past everything else. You know when you are not happy, with the way things are in a relationship, but then you say,"But damn he is just so fine and cute...oh what the hell. Why was I mad at him again?" Yeah I never had that moment with Loe. All I can say he wasn't my type.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t totally dislike him, it, just that he wasn’t right for me. We were just better friends. We weren't really sexually compatible. He wanted things that I didn't. I wanted things he wasn't into. I believe that’s what we were anyway, just friends. I mean we were there to talk and listen, and hang out like friends. I mean I don’t know how many times he called me, when he was upset with his wife, and needed to talk. Perhaps he was calling for more than to talk, but that’s all he got from me, because I wasn’t coming out to do anything, just because he wanted revenge sex or whatever. I was just a tiny bit better than that. We talked a lot. I was talking to him once about one day getting married, one day. He told me not to, that he envied my position. He wished he was my age and where I was at now. That he wished at my age, he hadn’t been afraid to explore his sexuality. He talked about a guy he was interested in, college, who showed interest in him, and all but made a proposition to him, to live together, in another state. They never had sex. He seriously thought about it, but turned the guy down. He told me it was something he always questions and wonders what if. Instead he denied his sexual feelings and a couple years later got married. In a marriage, he wasn’t happy about. Oh that marriage. The conversations we had about that poor marriage. I believe he loved his wife; I do to some certain extent. He wasn’t happy though. They had issues; he made it out to be mostly her fault though. He always excluded the fact that he loved men, from the equation. He figured that since she didn’t know about that, then their problems had nothing to do with that. I always would remind him, to keep him in check. I remember him calling me once, all upset at his wife. It was like 11 o’clock at night. They had some financial issues; in the past and apparently in the present. She loved her credit cards, and she loved to max them out, but she didn’t like to pay them off. A few years back she quit her corporate job, to start a small business. She wasn’t maxed them out financially, in every aspects. She wasn’t bringing in the capital with this business of children nits, and wasn’t good about putting it out there. Long story short, and because I can’t remember the entire story; I sometimes would tune out. Throw him a couple, “uh huhs”, “sures", and “you don’t say.” Anyway she threw them into a financially disaster, that to him and apparently the bank, and credit counselors, years to fix. Well, after all of that, they had gone to one credit card, which was supposed to be for emergency. He had gone to use it for something, which he rarely does, and it was declined. He called the credit company, and it had been maxed out. He went home to check the statements, and found statement for other credit cards he didn’t know about. She was on her way of taking them through another finance mess. He was going through a tirade; about I’m going to divorce her, and her financial adulteress ass, and blah blah blah. I get it why he was mad, but we got to take accountability sometimes. Why in the hell would you leave the paying of the bills to the person, who put you in the mess to begin with? It’s like putting a drug addict in charge of narcotics. I mean really. I let him rant and rave, he needed an outlet. The more he talked about her finance deceit, the more I would get irritated. I had to tell him once, cut her some slack. I mean you commit sexual adultery on her all the time, with men; and she commits financial adultery. Sounds like the perfect couple to me. They actually separated for a couple months, do to that. You know what they say finance is the number one reason for divorce. I often told him to divorce her. Then there were times I often told him to stay in there. First why divorce, if you are having financial issues. I mean no one ever profited from divorce. I mean one person yeah, but never both parties. No two people walk away saying,"Yeah, that was a profitable divorce, don't you think Honey." Then there were times I told him to divorce. Yes, the constant wishy washer. Loe would say that he was in his marriage until his kids turned 1, then he was free to be with men, the way he wanted. I didn't like that. The thought that he knew he was getting a divorce in the future. IT was like he was stringing his wife along for the next few years. I felt he should divorce her know, why she is in her late 0s early 40s. I feel like now, she could find the next Mr. Right, while still in her prime. Divorcing her when she is in her mid to late 40s wasn't fair to her. I didn't know her, but I still had compassion for her. I’m not sure what happen during their separation, because he did one of his disappearance acts on me around that time.

Loe would drop in and out of my life so much. It was never a huge deal; it was just the way he would go about it, that irritated me the most. He wasn’t my man or anything. He was married, he definitely wasn’t MY man. Just be respectful of me. That was my biggest issue. I wrote about it once in Men Who Doesn't Understand Men. Right after that last incidence with his wife, he asked me could he borrow $600, to pay off, something his wife did. I don’t know who he thought I was. First of all, I didn’t think we were cool enough friends, for that. Second I had bad history, with lending money to family, let alone to some Negro, I hook up with. Third, I’m the young-in in college; I’m supposed to ask to borrow money from him, not the other way around. He was damn near 40. The reason could go on and on. My biggest though, was I just had gone through not hearing from him in 4 months. I wrote a post about that once. Not a word from him. I told him what if that went down again, when I go to contact, can’t get no response back for my money months on end. His response was, “You know where I work.” Yes, I knew where his office was. He also knew that I was not the type to go to his office, for anything. He was in my life for a few weeks then. After that I didn’t hear from him for a couple months. There was the time he called, me to meet him for drinks after work. We actually had lunch that day, but he said he needed to see me again. He left me waiting for him for an hour in the designated place, in the rain. I called and called no answer or call back. He called me exactly 3 weeks later to explain what happen. Yes, I kept track. Excuse something about his kid, came up. Too many stories so little time. He would always call out of the blue, with a long rambling story. I mean the message would be 7 or 8 minutes long…”See what had happen, my cousin’s child’s father died, and I became surrogate father…” or my favorite, ”You hurt my feelings, when you said we weren’t sexual compatible, that hurt me deeply, and I couldn’t talk to you, for a while, after that.” I did tell him that, but he totally took it out of context, but it needed to be said. I will get to that in a moment. Then he would get all soft and baby like, ”Don’t be mad at me Y…You still mad at me, I’m sorry” I would forgive him, until the next time. The last time we talked was in the infamous post of Well F*CK You Too. There was a lot I was mad at. Read that post. Wow, I’ve had my fill of filling you in on Loe I know you are tired of reading it. Back to what happen on Mother’s Day.

I look up, and there he is…

To be continued.

What's Right, What's so much Wrong...My Answer to Question 2

2011-02-12T11:07:00.002-05:00

Well moving from the last post, which apparently didn't go by to well, I am coming to a quick new post. After much thought and consideration this past week, I have decided...That I'm NOT sorry about a damn thing. I had started to feel bad about certain comments, but I'm not. F*ck it. I decided that I going to say whatever comes to my mind, without regret. That's personally big for me, because I live a lot in regret. I'm not going to regret anymore comments, at least. Baby steps people. So new blogs or old, I'm going to be me, if you don't like, delete my comment. It's YOUR problem, not mine. Now on my last post, I said I was going to return all emails, that was sent to me, over the past couple months. One of my emails, was a request of a former lurker, and now occasional commenter, J. Antoinne. In his email, which I must say he mentioned, "I have enjoyed reading your posts; even the ones that may reflect negatively on you. I say that because they're just real." Negatively? I have no idea what you are talking about sir, I'm always a perfect angel. Yep, sticking behind that statement too. Anyway his request was for me to finally answer his Q&A question, from way back when. I think I only got 3 questions, and only answered one. And yes, before Realhustla bites my head off, I know she has one question I haven't answered either. I will get to yours in due time.

Anyway J.Antoinne question is:

Do you ever have the fear that someone would out you, given the right/wrong circumstances?

First of all, let me say this, I'm not exactly sure what the right circumstance is What is the right circumstance in being outed? "Yeah you called my mother and told her I suck dick, Oh boy...Yeppie"
I mean I really can't figure out what a right way would be. I can see plenty of wrong ways, but I truly can't see a right way, other than me. I think that is the only right way to be outed, is by doing it myself. I mean it possibly can be a good thing in the aftermath of others knowing. It can be a freeing and liberating experience. Not worried about lying or cover things ups. Everyone knowing who you really are.
Then on the flip side I know it could be a devastating act if done wrong, as well. Let me give up a real life example. I know of one DL man, whose live in boyfriend outed him out to his estranged wife and parents after he broke up with him. His wife took the kids and finally filed divorce. His relationship with his parents are very strained, even though it happen a couple years ago.his boyfriend had actually been holding that over his head for sometime. He was a man of his word, when he told him that if he broke up with him, he would destroy him. I will give yo the long version one day. Anyway the last time I saw him, he was...hmph well skin and bones. His looks are...well I'm not going to say gone, but he doesn't look like he did when I first met him. His face was sunken in, a little bit. This is of course due to his drug use after the reaction to his family and friends, because most thought it was just his roommate. At least that is what he has told me. He told me, that he just couldn't coup. It's someone I have actually talked about once, I think early on in my blog life. I saw him early last year, I think it was, he wanted to do "something," and I just couldn't. My arm brushed up to his, and it was creepy. I mean he was clean, hair cut fresh, and cloths fresh, but I can feel that he was still struggling, with his life. I'm not saying being outed, it what made him a drug addict, but it certainly didn't help. He wasn't a drug addict when I met him. My point is that there is a good side and a bad side of the aftermath of being outed.

I don't think there is a right way of the process of being outed, other than doing it yourself. I think any information like that, is better coming from the person it's about. It to me would never be good coming from someone else. While we are on it, I actually can't stand people, who think it's there duty to other people. Who gives you the right? Who appointed you... I know whatever...keep your f*cking trap shut, if it isn't you who you are outing. You remember the young Rutgers Student who got outed, online, by his college roommate. I think it was in the fall, I'm not exactly sure of the whole story, but I know the outed young guy killed himself. In the end, it's someone's life you are messing with. Even the bible says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit." I take from that, is be careful what you say about others, because your words have huge impact.

Now back to the initial question, of do I fear being outed, blah blah right/wrong circumstance.....hmm I don't know...Yes, No...little of both. I guess I was really more fearful, when I first started getting with men. The first few years, I guess I was very fearful. I don't know if I'm so much fearful, now...or at least as much, as I use to be. As you can tell I'm fearful of being outed in the wrong way or fashion, but the act itself, hmph. I've had some close calls. I have had two or three close calls. I'm always cautious, well in revealing myself to the guys I get with. I'm very cautious to be exact. Hopefully I have good karma in that department. I try to take certain preliminary steps, to eliminate to many cases of being outed. However we all make mistakes, and it could happen. I just hope and pray, I would be a place in my life, where I could handle it emotionally and spiritually. I'm scared of the aftermath. Plain and simple.

You really should write and complete things as it comes to you, because I started this two days ago, but something came up. I feel like I had more to say on this question, but I'm empty on the subject, right now. Sorry, if more comes to my mind I will write about it.

What do you guys think of me playing a new song on my blog, to go with every post? I kind of like it, I feel there is a song truly for every occasion.

Email Call!

2011-02-02T23:32:00.000-05:00

So today I got a email, from a blogger friend, of mine. Usually our emails are fun, and I'm always excited to hear from them. However...hmm...this was a different kind of email. The subject title was, "Your Comments." I'm not even going to lie, that could go any way. I never know what that could mean, because I do say some...thangs. I will just leave it at that. They are all not "choir boy" commentary...I will elaborate in a minute. Anyway I open the email, and unfortunately it wasn't about how witty, wonderful, sexy and fun my comments are. It was about two recent comments I made on two different blogs. Well, it was about how my two comments were considered or viewed as being RUDE...

...hmph...

O...kay...let me say I by no means, did I mean for my comments to be rude. That wasn't my intention, at all. I was simply saying what was on my mind, in what I thought was a fun, perhaps outrageous way. You know what I don't even think it was all that outrageous. But that's just me. The email went on to say, how not everyone gets my "brand" of comments...their exact words. They went on tell me, how someone on twitter mentioned something to them about my comments. Twitter, y'all!
I don't even have a twitter account, but I'm being talked about how poor taste my comments are on it. They responded to them, that it's just my kind of "cheeky" comments...yep, "cheeky." Do you know what cheeky means? I found two definitions of cheeky. First someone who is playful with their interaction, but more-so on the risque or "naughty" side, or someone who gives others a hard time, but does so good naturally and with no hard feelings. The other is plain ole offensively bold. I guess I'm the latter of the two. They went on to tell me that although they get me and understand it wasn't my intentions, they understand how it was rude. Anyway after reading the email, I felt horrible. It's like your favorite teacher, scolding you about your bad behavior in class, and they are disappointed in your behavior.

Here is the back story. The blog friend had a very simple post about how they had an interview on another blog about their new natural hair regimen. Okay let me say this...I personally find the whole talk about natural hair a little boring, BUT I went to the natural hair blog, to support the interview and my blog friend. I read the blog, and I decided to comment, to let them know I stopped by and read the blog. Perhaps I did loose my way int he comment section. Maybe I should have just wrote
something like, "Great hair, Awesome!" or "You go...Girl" I mean that's a thought. Oh, who we kidding, that's not my style. I can't remember exactly what I said. I write what's on my mind and in the moment of just reading the post. Plus I wrote it like at 1 in the morning. I truly don't remember exactly what I said. I think overall I mentioned what was the end results, what was their goal. What was the purpose of the going natural? How I thought the purpose was to not be tied to a beautician chair every week or every other week. It does seem to me that the natural seems like more work and time, than permed and relaxed hair. I did ask, what I thought was a very reasonable question. What does this natural hair do for your sex life? At least I think that's what I said, because I'm not sure. Some of you may be curious why not just go to the blog and read what I wrote. Well, my comment has been deleted, by the blog owner. I from the bottom of my heart, don't know what I said, that was worthy of my comment being deleted. Maybe I was a little disrespectful, to their "natural" way of life. Here's the main thing about ME, I don't comment on a post, unless I haves something to add to the post or discussion. I'm not good at writing superficial comments.

You know what, you got a public blog for god sake. Stop being so Damn thin skinned and sensitive. What do you want?...A bunch of "yes" people, coming to your blog. Why don't you have a monitored comment section. Why have a comment section at all, if you are not willing to hear more than one side to a subject. People disagree completely with post of mine, sometimes the entire blog, my way of life. I have gotten emails and comments telling me these things. Yet, I have not deleted any comments. It's about sharing personal experiences and personal views on different subjects. You have yours I have mine. Try have a open discussion on it. Try answer some interesting question. The only time I deleted someones comments, was they kept leaving comments of how I was spreading aids, with my lifestyle and I was the cause of black women having aids. It was like 19 of the same comment in multiple posts of mine. I don't nor have I ever done any of that. I guess her blog was only geared to one type of person. A woman with a natural. All I have to say is write a post about the benefits of having a natural hair style, and your sex life, and people will pay attention.I mean men do like that. A guy is cool with their woman wearing a wig or having a weave, sometimes, it gives them the illusion of having sex with someone new, but at the end of the day a man loves having sex with a woman, who is cool with them being able to run their hands through their girls hair, as they are hitting it, without catching tracks, or the wig coming off.

I will say this...A girl with a weave, would have laughed it off and kept it moving. Even a stuck up , evil weave wearing heifer, after a couple of drinks, is a lot of fun. All this confusion about my comments, just reinforce what I had to say. Girls, with natural hair, and I don't mean "Swimmer" or I know this is bad, but "Good Hair." I feel like a girl you is going "natural," is always the non fun one at the party. They are usually the bores. Everyone knows Wilona and wigs was the fun one, Florida was the snooze.

Now I will say this...perhaps...maybe...kinda...my comment on the blogger friends blog, was a little over the top. You be the judge.
TheBlogArtistFormerlyKnownAsYBandDL said...

I wrote what I had to say on the interviewer's blog, but I will say this. That last blog made me very sad, but I have seen death like this in the recent year, so...I almost am numb these things now.

My point is, you...well...hmmm...you talk a lot about your hair lately. Do you have a man now?...Has your hair taken the place of having a man? You talk a lot about your hair, and that damn Michael Jackson game...when is the last time you been dicked down?

You need to get a man to dust off your punany. Tell us how your hair holds up, when he is pulling on it, during a heated screw.

I will be waiting on that post.
Go get drunk with some of your weave friends, and go to one of your country Arkansas clubs, and take some pictures.

All I have to say is the natural and your natural gal pals have been a bore lately. You need to hook up with some of your perm friends. They know how to have fun. You can't tell me me a good weave friend, don't know how to party.

I do sorta feel like a dog who peed on the carpet. I feel ashamed like I just been hit on the nose with a rolled of newspaper. Perhaps I was wrong for the things I wrote.

But look, I walk around all day long, being politically correct, and saying the right thing. Holding back what I really want to say to folks. I guess I have to do that now in my blog world. I don't know who to be even in this world. Moving on...This portion wasn't suppose to be this long.
Anyway, getting this email, has motivated me to do something, well over due.I am going to email back everyone who has emailed me in the last couple months. I feel really bad, and it was on my mind lately. My email will be both current and address the time it was sent. So if you sent me a Christmas email. You will get a Merry Christmas, and an early Happy Valentines Day. I'm giving myself a week to send them out. So expect one from me. I'm even going to send an email, to the natural hair Blogger, to apologies if I offended her, and the rest of the Naturals.
I'm going to make a vow, that in the upcoming year, I will be better and responding to lurkers, blogger friends, and frequent commentators of my blog's email.

The Early Edition of Pictorial Editorial Wednesday- My love for Hosea Chanchez

2011-01-11T20:39:00.002-05:00

Okay, this is the first post for me of the new year, and I had this post all ready that, I wrote over a week ago on a road trip...However I didn't publish it. I really don't know why actually..hmmm It was about giving and receiving blah blah blah. I might publish it later this week. It was kinda deep and perhaps a little boring. It was more of what I had in mind for my first post of the year, but things change this will have to do. I need a little happiness that brings me to this man. Hosea Chanchez. Alright, let me say I love this whole look. I love the coat, the scarf, love it all. He is looking good here. Isn't he a good looking man. Damn!
Alright, so if you haven't heard tonight is the new season premiere of "The Game." after a two year hiatus. I was definitely one of those people who was very upset when "The Game" got canceled on the CW, however BET has saved it. Bravo BET you did something good. So the cast of "The Game" has been making their rounds to promote the new season. Me watching Wendy Williams last night pushed me make this post.
So Hosea is like totally in my top three celebrity guys I would totally do. I mean if I was in a relationship, regardless of gender, he would have to be in the top three freebies of sure you can do them, with no penalties for cheating. If I had the chance, my girl would have to be like, "Sure baby you can do Hosea Chanchez, have fun...bring me home his draws!...oh and don't forget to get some laundry detergent!" Speaking of draws, I feel like Hosea aka Malik Wright, is in his draws the most of the three guys on the show. I mean Pooch Hall has a lot of shirtless moments, or moments where he is sagging and no shirt, but Hosea to me has a quite a few moments, where he is just in his small boxer briefs. There been a few scenes with Robin Givens and around his loft apartment, and then there was the time at a hotel, when he was creeping with the thick, full figured sport's news reporter. Always black boxer briefs, but nonetheless he's the more adventurous of the three guys. I don't think I ever see Colby shirtless or pants less. Maybe but not ringing a bell in my mind Mr. Bell.
Here's his nice boy next door look.
And here's his bad boy dangerous look. I bet he practices in the mirror. Naughty...Nice... Smoldering...I just won the lottery look...Smile with your eyes like Tyra says...I give face, face, face...

Anyway everyone has been on the Pooch Hall jock. Yeah, yeah Derwin is cute, he has nice abs and whatnot, but for me it has been all about Malik. I like the face and body type. I like that he is a little think. I just find him sexy.
I love his Malik character, even at his worse, therefore I fell in love with me some Hosea. With his "Girl-Melody" self. I love this dirty smile that he does, where his face is pointed down, and his eyes are up, like "I have dirty thoughts running through my mind, and I like it." I love that smile. I mean I use to be on the Coby Bell train back in the day, thanks to reruns of Third Watch, but I have truly moved on. It's all about Hosea now. This has nothing to do with the nude pictures either. If you haven't heard, last week nude pictures of Hosea Chanchez surfaced on the Internet. His nudey pics got nothing to due with my love for him. If you haven't seen them, here's the link to see Malik's goods! ...and his bootay. Here's the thing I actually think he had something to do with the leek. Yeah I said, he was all behind that. Conspiracy theorist my ass Hosea. Talking about he always feels like someone is following him, and it turns out to be true the one time he doesn't close his hotel drapes. What hotel were you staying in?...Holiday Inn Express? What floor were you on when someone took pictures of you with your drapes open, did they climb up the building to take pictures? I'm sorry baby, but I'm not sure you are that big of a celebrity, for the paparazzi to be following you. Then on Wendy Williams, when she questioned the whole situation, there was talk about who doesn't take nude pictures of themselves in the bathroom. What's the deal there dude? I think it all goes back to the whole in his draws the most on the show. I think there is a little exhibitionist in him. He knows he got a little something and wants the world to know it. He is like the dude at the gym, who loves to walk around the locker room more than usual, without a towel, just swinging and jingling. What get me is he made a few comments on his twitter about how upset he was, but every interview I see and hear, he is just giggling and jocking around about the whole situation..."Oh you saw the pictures, girl...aaahh!" Laughing like Eddie Murphy in any 80s movie. Then it happens right before the new season...hmph
But let's move on, shall we. Let's talk about my sexual fantasy. We meet at the gym, in Virginia or the DMV area. He'e all hot and sweaty after his cardio...No wait, I don't feel sexy at the gym. Where am I meeting him at? At that hotel that he just walking around naked at, I don't know. I meet him and we have sex. I don't know, I'm not good at this whole fantasy thing. We would go back to his place, and he can take his scarf and tie me up...hmm no I don't know about being tied up. I like to stay in control, I got trust issues. I think I will tie him up. You know what I can let myself go for one night, we can ake turns tying each other up...yeah that sounds good, regards, he would have a scarf handing. I mean let's face it, the boy loves scarves.

Let's face it the brotha loves him some scarves...Hmph I leaving it alone, regardless he will have one on handy for sexual bondage. I will give him a tai chi massage, because I here he like a nice tai or tai chi massage...and I will love him long time, with happy endings. Then we can uh watch Nip Tuck reruns and "Shawshank Redemption," as we apply Ultra Sheen to each other's scalp, because we use the same blue kind too. I mean sometimes I use the yellow or the green, depending on my mood, but mostly I use the blue kind too. I can make his widow's peak nice, sharp and pointy. I think its sexy. Also, I got the same hat in the last picture! I mean I actually love all of his off screen hat collection. I mean we're like soul mates...lol. Don't get me wrong I don't love everything. I'm not a tweeter fan, but I have had a chance to read his tweets over the year. He sometimes comes off a little too overly inspirational. Sometimes it feels a little forced, and not completely genuine. I could be wrong, but that's my feelings.I find it interesting that the celebrity guys I find attractive have bull dogs. I've featured him and his dog on this site before. Figure out who else I'm talking about.
Well, I'm going to close this post on his new look.
I know he looks like he is wearing a little makeup in this picture, but it was promo pictures for the new season. I still think he looks phineeee! Him and his faux hawk could get it!!!! I am seriously thinking that he might take my number one spot on my top three. Wouldn't like to know who my number one is...or was?
Call me Hosea.

Diary of a Mad Black Down Low Man

2010-12-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

I know that title seems so played out now...well the first few lines I mean. It seems that ever since Tyler Perry's movie, there has been more movies, blogs, websites, books with the same beginning name. However he wasn't the first. There is Jodeci's "Diary of a Mad Band." Before then there was a movie called, "Diary of a Madman," and another movie called "Diary of a Mad Housewife." So Mr Perry doesn't hold the exclusive rights to talking about someone mad, going mad or being mad.

I decided to change up my blog a little bit. I'm not sure if I am going to stick with this set up and design, but I felt it to be fitting especially now, while I feel I'm going through, what feels like a change in myself. I'm still YB&DL but lately I feel like...I guess a madman. I feel like I don't recognise myself anymore, or at least the person I have become.

I'm scared. I'm scared of the man I am, and scared of the man I'm becoming. Sometime I really don't recognise myself or at least don't get the man looking back before me in the mirror. I really have been feeling the last few months or so, that it's time to put this blog down to rest. I feel like all my blog friends, have left me. It doesn't feel the same way anymore. However the way I have been feeling about me and things going on with myself and even with other DL men, has made me think, maybe I have a few more thoughts to put out there in the world, regardless of whose reading or who I'm reading. It's not about anyone else at the end of the day, it's about me and my feelings(I'm talking about this blog and me continuing it). My blog is like a relationship. I may not have those excited feelings about it, Like I did in the beginning, but to get it going you have to respect what's there when the newness wears off. If that makes any since.

To be honest I have always felt or seen my blog as a diary or chronicle of certain things in my life. There has been things I have truly forgotten about, but read an old post and been freshened on an incident or occasion, I had completely let slip my mind. The only difference now, is that now I have decided to temporarily rename my blog "Diary of a Mad Black Down Low Man."

Basicall,y I feel like I'm going mad. There's a lot that has went on this year or two, that I haven't necessarily mentioned to you guys. However the these things I feel have contributed to me going "mad." Then there are the little things, that take me so out of myself, I have to wonder..."Who is this person?" The anger the frustration of life...of others...of being me...Sexuality and all.

I think this is where I'm going to leave off for now. I will continue later.

Pictorial Editorial Wednesday: Baby, you seen my purse?..I'm late for hoops with the guys.

2010-08-18T01:13:00.000-04:00

Now I haven't done a Pictorial Editorial Wednesday in a while. I haven't done many post in a while, but I haven't done a P.E. Wednesday in a minute. Anyway I need a good laugh when I can get it. However the other night I stumbled over a set of pictures. I could not stop laughing from picture one to picture 25. I had to bring this on my blog and talk about it. So apparently one of the hottest trends that is emerging in Hollywood, is heterosexual men carrying purses. That's right you read correctly purses...I'm sorry correct Murses (Man purse= Murse) I don't know what is more freakier, the guys using the bags, or the word "Murse."

Let's analyze this for a moment. I will admit, that there has been times, when I have had so many things in my pocket, where perhaps I needed a little something, something. I have moments, even recently where I have Cell phone, wallet, keys, checkbook, different from wallet, loose change, gum and/or breath mints, and depending on the season, chap stick. no my pockets don't look like I'm happy to see anyone, just that I'm swollen around the thighs. Then there are days where all I got is my keys and a credit card, and I'm good to go.

Now before I went through my opinions I had to of course, get the opinion, of One of my favorite bloggers Quincy "Q" Jones of Purveyor of All Things Appropriately Inappropriate. He is currently on hiatus from his blog for the summer. He wanted me to let everyone know, he will be back the end of the month...I bet probably not before Labor Day. The fabulous Quincy had to take a break for the summer, because I'm guessing he spent it in Martha's Vineyard, The Hamptons, or just had so much going on with the Real Housecunts of DC...and NO I spelled it right Housecunts, that's what he calls his crew. I do listen to him. On his blog he once mention how awful and out of style men's square toe dress shoes were. Since I had a few square toe dress shoes, Every new dress shoe I have gotten so far, has been either round or pointed. I try not to wear the square ones anymore except these cognac gator ones I love. I don't think I would every meet Quincy, because he probably would rip me a new one, of what I had on, from head to toe...Not to my face of course...He has manners!!!.

Anyway I thought he would have fun with this topic, especially with the different pictures. I was prepared to laugh my butt off, but to my surprise I was wrong. To my ignorance Men wearing bags is no laughing matter. It must not go into lightly. A man must know what he is doing. Here's what he had to say....

Hey babes,

Wow! Murses are a touchy subject. While I do have a couple, the key is having one the "right" size. It should either be really small (like the Louis one pictured below), or it has to be gargantuan (like the ones I carry, and the Birkin Pharrel has). The whole mid/sized murse gets a little touchy because it starts to look like a man is carrying a handbag. You have to know your proportions. A man is bigger, so the bag should be larger 1. to endure that it doesn't make one look extremely gay, and 2. so aesthetically it matches the body size. Oversized or very small is always better. All of the guys below are doing it right! I love Kanye for that Mirwais Louis! -Courtesy of Quincy Jones

Where do I begin? Here's the thing it's not just a couple of guys rocking this style. This whole trend, completely went over my head. I'm like where have I been. Anyway I'm going to start with I suppose the smallest bags, and that would have to be...
Terrance "Hold My Clutch" Howard.

I get it, don't get me wrong. It's a fashion statement. He secure in his manhood, it's about fashion. It's a must have accessory. I would appreciate Terrence and his clutch, if...I thought he actually had something in it. I don't think the brother got squat in it. It looks really light and empty in his hands. However let's say for giggles, he does have something in there, I'm going to go with...hmm I'm not trying to be funny, but really tampons. I swear I feel like he is carrying his lady's tampons in his clutch, because they won't fit into hers...Here baby put your "pearls" in my clutch, if you feel Aunt Flow coming, during the awards...

Next is Cristiano "Is He or Is He Not" Ronaldo

Hmmm....

Too easy. Some of you might be wondering who this is, if you like me, I had to google him. This is Cristiano Ronaldo, the world's highest paid football player, but to us in the good ole U.S. of A., he is the world's highest paid soccer player. He has played around in a lot of places I saw cities like Madrid, Portugal, and United Kingdom. Where he is playing now, I'm not sure or care, but I saw quotes of him making like over 100 million or something. He's making real bank. He was recently linked to be dating Kim Kardashian. They claim to be just friends, you know I believe them. Even though he more paid than even Reggie, not sure I see Kim going from Reggie to Cristiano. He recently became a father...surrogate mother...like hmm Ricky Martin. Anyway I imagine...um hair gel...hmm nail polish, just because I hear that when his feet are not in football cleats he like his toes glossy...a bottle of Nair for men, for emergency hair removal, because I hear he like a clean slate.
All kidding aside, he's European and foreign and they have a different standard than us. They are less inhibited. I just think that if he didn't always carry his bag underneath his arm like that, it would be okay. However I get it though. He is a Soccer player...He is not use to using his hands, so underneath the arm like Julia Sugarbaker is.

Sometimes though a picture ISN'T worth a thousand words, and is taken out of context. Maybe his bag pictures were too. Like this one......I had too!

Continuing in our "Small Bag" category
Bow "No Pun Intended" Wow.
When Bow Wow isn't around town promoting future BET movie classics like "Lottery Ticket," or starring future Madea movies...not making music...making a fool of himself on twitter...or around town with, on again, off again, girlfriend Angela Simmons; Bow Wow likes hang out around town with his Louis Vuitton bag. I'm guessing a Nintendo DS whatever...Vaseline, for what he tells people are for his new tats, he just got, but really is for his lips...and Listerine mouth strips. I feel like there is nothing original about his bag, because...

NBA player Jason Richardson

NBA player Ricky Davis

NBA player Stephon Marbury

NBA player Kenyon Martin

They might as well call this the "NBA Louis bag", because it seems to be the bag of choice for many ballers. Since Bow Wow always wanted to be a baller, I guess it's fitting that he carries this bag. Hands down Condoms and Lube in them all. Why does Kenyon Martin look like he carries weed, an Ipod, and a gun in his bag?

Speaking of weed...Next up is Snoop "Beauty Shop Knock-off" Dogg.Okay let's not pussy foot. He looks a hot ass mess in this picture. I mean his bag looks like he got it from Roscoe the "Bag Man" at Beauty Salon, who always telling the ladies it's real Louis Baitton or real Koach bags, that he got in New York real cheap. Snoop's bag looks cheap, but goes nicely with his blue shower cap. There is no question, what's in his bag...weed...weed...cheetos...some more weed...HoHo's...Doritoes...and pink cushion hair rollers.

Lupe "Your Bag is a Fiasco" Fiasco
All I have to say on this is, at least the color isn't awful. It's original unlike wannabe baller Bow Wow. I feel he would have old cough/throat lozengers...dirty old tissues, that he would use to spit on and wipe the shmutz you got on your face...eye class repair and cleaner kit...wet wipes, for when he has to do number two in public restroom...and old coupons in his old man hand bag.

Seal "You Are the Baby's Daddy"...Klum?
Seal looks like he took a step back into 1994. He needs to give back Synclair from Living Single, her purse back. His wife is Heidi Klum. One of the today's last supermodels, host of Project Runway, judge of Germany's Next Top model, and yet her husband walking around looking like that, with a purse across his chest, like he got a Blossom hat in his car. Maybe it's because those old wrangler shorts he got on won't fit all of his...um...I don't even know what Seal would carry. He needs to carry condoms, as fertile as Heidi is. I know he needs to carry a bottle of Afro Sheen and a comb for those mops, that him and Heidi call their children's hair. Everytime I see them, they look like "Momma Do My hair paleaseeee! I think with all those kids they have he really needs to invest in a much bigger bag, to carry little bags of Cherrios, Goyurt, juice boxes, emergency pull ups, and once again condoms, for those spare of the moment sex in the afternoon moments with Heidi. I feel like he is banging htehell out of her every chance he gets, with those rugrats. He needs to carry a bag like...

Jay-Z "The Man Bag Blueprint" Carter

Now some may call this a backpack, however when you are Jay-Z and pay God knows how much for this Man Bag. He's too cool to wear it over his shoulder like he's in high school. Of all the bags, I think I like his the most. This too me is a real Man's bag. I imagine Money...a year supply of chap stick...a laptop...lotion...and a pair of Beyonce's draws, that she wore for a day and left in his bag; for those lonely nights when she is on the road and they Skype sex.

Phareell "Bitch My Bag is Badder Than Yours" Williams

Here's the thing...I get it that he might be worth I think over I read over 75 million dollars. That he is a trendsetter and whatnot. I feel though the Birkin is so synonymous with female socialites celebrities and whatnot, why go there? I get it, it's a status symbol. I get it, instead of putting it on your girl's arm, you like, "Bitches, I'm gonna rock this!" I'm not mad at you for that. My whole thing is dude, you couldn't find a blue, neutral color, or something. I'm sorry but the purple and the loud ass orange has got to go. I guess we can say at least he doesn't have it on the hook of his arm elbow.

Last but certainly not Least Kanye "Shrug It's My Bag" West

If a man was to carry a "Murse" or man bag, Kanye knows how to do it. Now Some may say it looks like a duffle bag, some say it's a handbag, either way I like it. To me on him it looks very grown and sexy. I wouldn't mind rocking that to the gym, on the airplane...umm to anywhere. What would little Kanye West have in his bag...hmmm...Magic Shave left over from his relationship with Amber Rose...KY Jelly...a mouth Choke ball...a Bible...the Kama Sutra...and No Blood diamonds.

That's our Pictorial Editorial Wednesday: Murse Edition.
Becareful and advized, when you buy your Man bag. You don't want to be caught dead in the locker room with the same handbag as your nigga.

My Answer to Question 1

2010-08-13T02:22:00.009-04:00

So I'm going to get into the answers to my Q&A post, starting with Sunshinestar110. She was the first question I recieved. I decided that I was going to break down my 3 questions into multiple blogs, concering each question. I will get to each one...eventually. Unlike some people, on their blogs.

Sunshine's question is:

So I have a two part question that I asked my cousin years ago his answer was interesting so I'm going to ask you the same thing...

Do you think you will ever not be on the downlow and come out to your family? or is that just not an option at all?

Well, Sunshine to quote one of our great illustrious philosophers of our generation, Whitney Houston...Hell to the Naw.

Thank you and Good Night!

Okay, maybe I should elaborate a tiny bit more. (What if I left it just at that answer. It would officially be the shortest post I have ever done.I don't know if I have even done a comment as short as that.)

Anyway the answer is no. I really don't see that happening. I personally don't see that as an option. I get what some may say, of course it's an option. I can here them now, "Honesty is always an option, YB&DL." You know what I guess it is, but it's an option I don't feel like going down. Plain and simple. I believe I have said this before, but not sure, so I'm going to go through it again. I come from a very...I hate to use the word religious...and spiritual sounds so new age...so I'm going to say a very God fearing and church oriented...religious family. My Grandfather was a Bishop. I have an uncle whose a Bishop, one who is a pastor, one whose an elder. Cousins who are elders and ministers, one wants to be a pastor...I'm sorry "It's his calling to pastor." One is an evangelist. Most of the people in my family are involved in the church in some form or fashion. A good portion hang out with other Christians and church members. They hang out with children and kids of other Pastors and Ministers. My first words, honest to God, was Hallelujah. My earliest memories are from the church. I don't remember a time I haven't been in the church. I have had the pleasure of meeting some amazing men God and in the word, in my life. With that being said, it should not be a surprise about the fact of what most believe when it comes to homosexuality.

I'm not going to say I would loose them, if I told them that I get with guys, but I feel like I will forever be branded as the one who needs to be saved or is forever lost. To be completely honest, I'm not sure who would stop talking tome. People are constantly surprising. Some who you may not think would, will do the complete opposite. I have heard of SOME families that have done that. Anyway, I would be the one constantly hearing about the sinful life, I was living or where I was heading if I didn't change. Let's say for giggles, that I retracted that I got with men or say I was delivered form it down the road. I would still have that stain or tarnished record. They would keep a watchful eye on me for the rest of my life. Even if I got married. Here's the thing all though my family is very into the Bible and living right and christian lives, some have done some very...non christian illegal things. However at the end of the day, if I told them about me. I would seem like the biggest sinner of them all. Whatever they did would seem so meaningless compared to the abomination of me getting with men.

There has been days where I feel so angry at them or something they did, that I feel a big "F#ck you" would be to tell them. However I chicken and think about it, would it be more a "F@ck you" to them or to myself. In the end, I feel, I would end up more F%cked over, than them. Yeah, it would be easy to just live my life the way I chose, sleep with whomever, love whoever the wind blows by. I feel that's easier said than done, though.

Down the road, there might be a time, when certain people in my life suspect. Especially if I decide never to get married. Which I have been thinking about. Whatever anyone suspect, they certainly will never hear it come from my mouth. Maybe from some revengeful or scorn lover, or a person who can't mind their own business. I however will deny, deny, deny. One day though I might evolve to Discreet. For me that means living in a city where I don't really know anyone. I would be no less than 6 hours of driving time away from family and family friends. Where I'm less concern about what people will say or what people may find out. Not out and open, but just less caring. Not sure if I see that happening either though.

Like I said hell to the naw.

Well F#ck You too!

2010-08-03T01:26:00.008-04:00

I'm not a cursing man, but let me tall you, I just so tired of people. Lately, I feel like I stay angry with the world. I always believed in the philosophy, that it can't be everyone. Everyone can't be the problem in some one's life. That if the problem is everyone, then it must be you that is really the problem, because in the end, you are the common factor. However, I think I maybe rethinking that logic. You know it maybe me, but regardless if it's me, people are still irritating the hell out of me. Some days I feel like I just want to punch someone in the throat. Like I said before, I'm not much of a cursing man. I mean there was a brief time in middle school. I was doing it, because everybody was doing it. We all were trying to act older. By high school though, not so much for me. I might have my slip up every now and then. Mostly when I drive. When I drive, I'm a drunk sailor from the South side of the hood. My cousin once mentioned to me, it just feels weird, when they hear me curse. Like it's so out of place. Cursing sometimes to me, just feels so unnecessary, for someone who can't use their words. But I have to say lately though, if feels so good. My favorite is Fuck. Lately, it feels like a nice gooey climax, when I say F*ck. It feels like it is becoming so much easier to say it to. I almost caught my self saying it in church a couple times. That almost rattled me for a second. I was like, take control of yourself Young, realize where you are at. You cannot be doing that in the house of the Lord, but you know what, people are pissing me off there too. There are days, I just want to be like "Screw you Mother Jenkins, you old bag" or "Suck my dick Brother Jones." He probably has sucked a dick too, just saying. I feel like the way I'm going by the end of the year, I'm just going to sitting, in church, saying "Fucking Amen" or "Sheiitt you better preach" Can you imagine sitting next to someone in church, doing that. I remember one time when I was little, at this church we visited. This man was giving this "testimony," but he was quite liberal with his choice of words. It was the only time I ever witnessed a profane testimony.

I tried to catch all of my F^cks in this post, but I'm not sure. I wanted to leave it the real way, but I thougth against it, if anyone reads my blog from work.

Blog World:
Yes, I think I will start with you in my grievances. Look I know I haven't been the best blogger in the world. No news there. A couple months without a post. However I'm so fucking pissed off. Over the past couple years, I have read and been to a lot of different blogs. In that time I have participated in a few Question and Answer post. I'm not 100% sure whose all I have participated in. I know like 4 or 5 for sure, but I believe I have done like 7 or 8. My questions range from silly questions to serious, and a few just wanted to know questions. Now in the two years I have had my blog, I have had questions asked to me in the comment section and emails. Some I answered some questions I didn't. I finally decide to have a Q&A post, where you can ask me anything you want, and what do I get?
Three mutha f*cking, at this point it says 28 comments, Now granted 20 comments is from the same person, someone whose name is a symbol. A symbol I don't know how to even replicate on my keyboard. Look = or whatever your name is, don't be mad if I decide to clean up your comments by deleting a 1 or maybe 15 comments, because you are basically saying the same thing. At first I thought you couldn't type English, until I realized that if you are reading my blog, which is in English, then you must know how to type in English as well. Now Sweetie...hmm no I'm going to go with Buddy, that's gender neutral, type something, let me know if you are a man or female, stop throwing me those fucking symbols and phrases I don't understand. Love ya, thanks for reading my blog.

Now back to what I was saying. F*ck y'all for your three f*cking questions. Oh Southern Gal, I'm really shocked at you. I'm putting you on blast. You know you were right on my last post, when you said, that your Q&A post wasn't a year ago...no it will be a year the 20th of August, and still no answers. Thank goodness for an email filing cabinet. I found the questions I sent to you, 20 questions, and you couldn't produce 1 for me. That's all right though...you or anyone else who reads my blog, don't have to worry about asking me another damn question. I will be only a fool once...okay maybe twice...okay three times, but after that I'm through. I will address the 3 questions I was asked in another post, perhaps, I will address each question in a different post. Real Hustla once again no shock in your question.

Retail:
It seems where ever I go, people seem to just piss me off now. I went into a Best Buy, not to long ago, bought Erykah's new CD. I paid for it, and walked out the store. Now anyone who has been to Best Buy, knows they have that little kiosk or booth near the entrance where the employee sits. They watch different cameras, and greet and says good-bye to customers, as they come and go. The skinny light skinned boy says good-bye to me, as I leave with my CD. The minute I walk out the store, it hits me that I have left my keys, because I look for them to hit the automatic unlock. I turn back around and go back inside. I pass ole dude at the kiosk, and he says, "Excuse me sir, come back here." I turn around and tell him, I forgot my keys. He tells me how he needs to put a sticker on my merchandise. I tell him once again, how I'm just coming back for my keys, at the check out. Then suddenly he snaps, "Look, when you walk into MY store, with merchandise you put a sticker on it. You understand me?" I just stood there for a moment and just stared at him. For a moment I was a little in a paralyzed state, I was trying to register, where I was. I mean I just knew I couldn't have been in a retail store, where I have just purchased merchandise, and been talked to like I'm a child in the hood, by this little high yellow Mutha Fucka. "My Store," I didn't know it was his store. He should have named it Little Light Skinned Boy Buy, so I would recognize the Head Negro In Charge. He needs a reality check, real quick. Let something happen to his pale ass tomorrow, they will not be closing the store in his memory. It will be business as usual, and he will be replaced, quick, fast, and in a hurry, buy a big black women or a skinny white guy. Moving on... In a trance like state I hand him my CD, where he puts a sticker on it. Then in almost a daze, as I think about what just happen I walk to the counter where the cashier smiles at me, as I pick up my keys. I smile back. I walk back to an entrance. The little light skinned mutha fucka, who by the way I thought was cute a first. I did, except I thought that he probably didn't have any black friends. He looked like a swirl baby, and he gravitated to his white side, more than the side of his black parent. However, this was all before he snapped at me. As I was saying, I walked back to the entrance, as he plasters this obviously fake smile on his face, like he didn't just talk to me any ole way. Then he tells me, "Have a good evening, Sir." Without missing a beat I reply, "Yeah, FUCK YOU Too," without giving him a second look. In my mind its a look of shock or at least stun, on his face, however I'm not sure. I wanted to look back at least once, but that would have messed up the effect. Now I have worked in the public before, I know customers can be a bitch at times, but you never talk to them disrespectfully...you know unless provoked, and he was not.

Unfortunately he is not the only one in retail pissing me off. I was at Walmart a couple weeks ago, same thing questionable customer service. Okay I think I have made a point previously on my blog, or maybe other people's blogs...someone's blog, that I really hate Walmart. I mean I get its advantages and all that...low price items and big ass store, however I just hate going there. It never feels like a run in and right back out experience. It always feels like a mini journey no matter, what you go in to get. You never can find a parking space, long lines, workers who don't want to be there. The only time I like going is late at night, when they have already closed one entrance side up. Anyway I go to grab some deodorant for in the morning. It's around 11 or 12 at night, or maybe even later. I'm not sure; I know they only had two lines open, so that should tell you something, about the time. I put my items on the grocery belt. I've seen this cashier before, at night. She must only work at night. She's an attractive chocolate Sista, with hair all the way down her back, a little hard, and a little hood. She rings up my purchases. I scan my credit card, I typed my zip code or security code of my AMEX card. American Express sometimes require the four digits on the front. My card says approve and the receipt prints out, then is when Sista girl decides to ask me for my ID I was a little surprised, I had never been asked for my ID in Walmart. I didn't have it with me, all I brought in was my card, I left my wallet in the card. The basketball shorts I had on, didn't have pockets. I tell her I don't have my ID on me, but I can go to my car and get it. She looks at me and tells me to hold on. She then yells at her manager that she needs assistance. He yells back at her, what is it she needs. She then yells back to him, that I have a card, that isn't mine. I snap at her, that wasn't what I said. She then corrects herself, and tells him that I have a card, that I can't prove is mine. Now technically that was true at that moment, but it still sounded horrible the way she said it. At this point there is a line of people behind me now. I'm embarrassed and angry at this point. The manager comes over, to tell me that it's their policy for all Identification with credit card purchases. I tell him I'm going to get my license. He then proceeded to put his key into the register, to cancel the sell, until I get back. It won't work. I tell him, that he is probably going to have to void the transaction. It was already approved and went through. He asked the cashier for the receipt, she doesn't have it, but I do. She has my credit card and I have the receipt already. He shakes his head in frustration, and takes the credit card from her and hands it to me, and tells me to have a nice evening. He repeats to me though that it's always been Walmart's policy for Identification on credit card purchases, and for me to remember that in the future. At this point I'm pissed off. I tell the manager to stop acting like this is Walmart's old and on going policy. He tells me it always been their policy. I tell him, I'm a little surprised at that, because it certainly wasn't their policy two weeks ago, when the same cashier rung me up. Now I could have left it at that statement, but I was pissed. I went on to tell the manager, that it wasn't their policy, when the same said cashier, was talking about how she was screwing a a stock guy. I pointed out the gremlin looking guy she was telling this too. He was sorting through baskets of merchandise they had to put back out on the floor. I went on to explain, how she had to drop him, because he didn't tell her, that his recent ex girlfriend was another cashier, that she could stand. I then explained how she doesn't do anyone's left over, and hand be downs, especially triflin' bitches...her exact words. The looks on their faces, was exactly what I was looking to achieve. I Her look was shock. I like to think she was thinking, How you remember all of that?...and how you just going to put all my business out like that in front of my boss? His look was just of embarrassment. like I mentioned before, there was now a line of customers behind me. He looked at the cashier, then back at me. All he could say then was bye and to have a nice evening. I was then.
Side Bar: I have tested that policy since that night, and have yet to be asked for my ID, even for a check. However, I've had it from then on.

Family and Friends:
It feels like there is drama always going on in my family. There is always something or always someone wanting something. I won't go into everything, because it would be like writing a book. I will tell about this one thing, that will show how frustrated I have been. My mother was telling about something, and I just flipped. I believe I started off by saying "Why the Hell do we go to church? We are suppose to be a Christian family...and I can't tell the difference between us and F*cking Niggas in the streets. This Fucking family gets on my damn nerves!" And scene.
Okay...as I mentioned, I rarely if ever curse. Especially in front of my Momma. That look I wished I saw on the high yellow mofo at Best Buy, well I saw it on her face. She was a little upset, with me talking any kind of way in front of her. I think she understood a few weeks later, when she was doing the same thing, in regard to someone, in our family. I just think people and certain situations, very much can take you out of being yourself. You shouldn't let it, but sometimes it's very hard not to do.

Next order on the agenda is to new parents. I think new parents should think and discuss very long and hard, who their baby's Godparents are going to be, before telling people. Do not ask me to be your baby's Godfather, only to take it back later down the road. I was asked to be a baby's Godfather. I mean I'm close to the parents, but I was surprised. At first I was like am I at that age now, to be asked to be someone's Godparent. I mean I know I could have been having my only babies for years, but this feels like such a more mature thing to be asked. I felt very honored, and very proud. Well, that was a short trip. The date had been set months and months ago for the Christening. Now some people feel like a Baby Christening is different from a Baby Dedication. The dedication being just parents dedicating or giving their baby's to the lord to guild and protect their paths. The christening being on the same wave length, but also appointing Godparent, who are traditionally are suppose to help or ensure their spiritual or religious development. At one time I believe it also meant that if something ever happen to the parents the God parents, would become the parents. However nowadays it's a little different, more so just take a more special interest in their upbringing and personal growth. Anyway they had a dedication, at their church, where I was told there was no need to come. It was no big deal, nothing like the christening...blah blah blah. I was cool with that, not a huge fan of their church anyway. I then hear through the grapevine, that at the dedication, God parents were announced. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. When I talked to the parents, not one mention of what went down at the dedication. However a couple months later I was told the christening was going to be "postponed." Apparently so many things are going on, schedule conflicts, and blah blah blah. I'm playing it cool, I mention when will it be rescheduled. I was then informed, next summer. Hmm....O...Kay. I use to work in a department store, and I know a little about baby christening outfit. I know that they go up to about 24 months and 2T, however in my personal opinion baby christening's are not as cute, when the babies are walking and talking. Now even though the baby wouldn't be near 24 months, they definitely would be walking and talking to some extent by then. To this day, they have yet to address me that I have be replaced as God Father. I haven't said anything either. I'm thinking I will bring it up in the spring or early next summer. Say something like "So has the new christening date been reset, I need to know soon" See what they say then. It would be even worse because they had let like a year go by, by then, with me thinking I was still the God Father. Horrible guilt, is what I will be trying to achieve. I have a little experience in achieving that. I don't think it's the fact I was replaced, but the way they have went about it. All this behind my back, and not even that, but not addressing it to me after, and saying something apologetic. I mean I understand, I get it. They wanted a couple, instead of two single people. I get that. This is an older couple, with children of their own. From what I hear the two younger ones are reading, way beloooowwww their grade level. The older ones in high school and college, although doing well academically, they can't be trusted in the house alone, or even to watch the young ones for a day. I say great choice, bang up job.

The Men-es:
Where Do I begin?...Well lets talk about the one who really pissed me off recently. Now I have not talked about him directly on my blog before, but I have talked about him, indirectly. I'm angry right now, so let me just get it out for a minute. F*ck you black Mother F*cker. You are the most inconsistent nigga I have met. You go from me not hearing from you for months, to the long ass rambling messages. How ever let's talk about our recent, and from my opinion our last encounter. First F^ck you for making me feel bad. F&ck you for taking me to Denny's. F@ck for making me feel bad at Denny's. Maybe you were right I was being snarky and snide. News flash, I didn't feel like talking about damn wife, that night. I feel like we always talk about your wife and your marriage. I'm usually okay with it, but I just wasn't in the mood. There has been times where we talked about your wife the whole time. I have sat on a phone while you bitched and complained about her for TWO hours! I didn't feel like hearing some damn story about your wife and some chick at your job, she don't like, at some Yolanda Adams concert. You know what else, F%ck your "brilliant" kids too. That's right, f!ck them too! I get it, they are smart, but don't go on and on about how marvelously smart they are, then question me about my schooling. I will f$ck you with my right shoe. I get it, your wife and kids are a big part of your life, and you talk about them, but you know what, I don't want to hear it, every time! Have some new sh!t happen to you without them, and get back to me then.

I just don't like you as a person anymore. You irritate me on some level. You know what else. I stand behind what I told you at Denny's. You take to damn long to tell a simple ass story. Your pig feet and ham hock eating ass needs to speed it up sometimes. I get it you from the country, where you take your time. My family is from the country, but guess what, you not in the country anymore. We in the city now, you need to speed those stories up. It shouldn't take you half and hour to tell a 10 minute story. Maybe it was rude to tell you that, but...it was the truth. You are absolutely right. I have changed. Maybe I am, as you put it, snarly, snide and mean. I'm sitting in a God damn Denny's, with a guy who can't tell a simple story about his wife, in a reasonable about of time. Screw you for bringing up all the other times we had lunch or dinner a year ago, and how pleasant I was then, compared to now. What happen to me, you ask? You! You made me change towards you Sherlock. I can't believe I got felt guilty and bad. Bravo for flipping the script on me. Well, done, but you did this too me. Why you keep f^cking with me then?

You have turned me into a nagging, bitchie nigga. I always got to bitch and complain, to let you know I am not rolling over and taking your BS behavior. Another thing I stand behind is this. Get off your high horse, and looking down on me like how dare I even suggest you would cheat on your wife, with another woman. You have done it with me. If you can cheat on her with a man, I don't see how it's such a far stretch, that you could cheat on her with another woman. Just when you see me, keep on walking by. I'm good, son. Let's keep this moving.

And another thing either cut that mini afro down or get a damn texturizer, because nappy fro, isn't cute. I done told you!

After this I was so angry I could spit nails. Who should call me but my good ole friend Von. He called a couple times during Dinner at Denny's. I kept hitting ignore. I answered. Why are some people so dense? Why hasn't he picked up yet that I hate when the first thing out of his mouth is, "Where you at?" I have yet to answer that question. I always answer it, with another question. "Why you need to know?" His next response is always, "You going to swing by here?" Uh no. By now I usually just question what does he want. I feel like there is a motive behind his calls. He never just calls to see how I'm doing. Get mad...ain't no one begging me to come by...huh? Good, because I'm not. Click dial tone. The last person I wanted to see was him. You know what thought, what pisses me off even more, is when I tell him off and hang up on him, nigga, never calls back pissed or to question me...it pisses me off more.

Oh and by the way I was mugged. Well, I guess mugging means by weapon, so I guess I should just say I was robbed.

I'm just tired of people.

Happy 2nd Bloggerversary...Bring on the Terrible Two's!!!

2010-03-30T07:33:00.011-04:00

'All I really want to say my darling today is a special day we call our
own so take me in your arms and hold me and tell me you love me
and I'll be there for you

Do you know what today is...
Do you know what today is...
It's our anniversary
It's our special day
Ti's our anniversary

Do you know what today is...
It's our anniversary made for you and me'

That's right people, it's that time of the year again. It's my 2nd Bloggerversary. Once again though I missed it. It was last week, however I'm doing better than last year, when I missed it by several weeks. Maybe next year I might actually get it on the right day. Well, last week I was extremely busy, and didn't get a chance to write any post or to really catch anyone else's post, so sorry. Hopefully this week will be a bit better....I said Hopefully, no guaranty, but there is always room for H.O.P.E.

Anyway to celebrate this year, I have decide to do something I said I wasn't going to do last year...which is by the way something I have never done here at Young,Black, and Down Low... I'm going to do a Answer and Question post. That's right people, You will be able to ask me any of those burning questions you have for me, if you have any at all. So fellow bloggers, commentor, lurkers, and blog stalkers, this is all your time to ask me what you will! I will do my best to TRY an answer them, for you. Just post your questions here or you can email me your questions, whatever you like. I think I will leave it open for a week or so. I will post in between...well maybe anyway. You know me by now.

I will post my answers in a week. Unlike some people, who shall remain nameless, Southern Gal, I will post my answers. I'm not going to have everyone ask me questions, then never...ever..ever post the answers to those questions. I'm not going to be trifling, like that...no sir. At least Lady Nay, when she did her Question and Answer post, and their was questions she didn't want to answer on her blog, which was a good portion of mine, she was courtesy enough to email me the answers. She just didn't answer any one's questions, like some Raggedy women....uh huh.
I will post my answers! However I wouldn't be me, if there wasn't some sorta twist. You will find out on my answer post.

So I look forward to all your questions, if you have any at all. The answer post might me a short post at that, if no one post or emails...We Will See.

Oh an Southern Gal you knowI love you like a fat kid loves cake. But for real you are trifling for not post those answer, it was like a year ago, wasn't it too?

Look-A-Uh Here, Old Lady!

2010-03-10T04:02:00.006-05:00

So I didn't go into what number 13 was on my list, on the last post. I always get comment about how long my post are so I knew it would make it even longer. Anyway number 13 had something to do with number 1 on my list and number 2. Let me explain.

The other day I'm riding down the street and I can feel my cell phone vibrate. I'm driving and trying to fish my phone out of my pocket, by the time I get it, the phone stopped, and went over into my voicemail. I check my missed calls, and its this 1-888 number again. I have seen this number a few times over the past couple weeks. Not enough for me to really bother to investigate, but enough, now for me to really wonder "Who is this?" I listen to voicemail, and once again it's a message saying I have a collect phone call from the city jail. The one thing different is, during the part where the inmate is suppose to say their name; I think I here a familiar voice, but it wasn't clear, and I think they said my name instead of theirs. I have had my suspicions about who I think it is, calling me, but my gut is telling me who I know it is. The one confusing thing is, why are they calling me...you know from jail. That's new for them. I call their cell phone, their old number and the new number they started calling me last time we spoke. Like it has been doing for a least a month, both numbers are out of service. If I really want to get down to who this is, and at least narrow down my suspicion, I need to make one more phone call. I hate calling this number, and I tried going as long as I could. Here's why...

Hello?

Me: Yes, how you doing? Can I speak to Von?
Grandma: (I don't even need to ask who this is, because it's apparent, even though others live in the house, I know it's her.) Who?
Me: VON! Can I speak to Von?!

Grandma: Who is this?
Me: Y.

Grandma: Who?
Me: Y...YOUNG!

Grandma: What'cha want?
Me: (I thought I had made it clear, but apparently not) I wanted to speak to Von?

Grandma: What'cha want with him?
Me: Well, I'm a friend of his, and haven't spoken to him in minute...and well...wanted to catch up with him.
(See here is the thing...I've been through this before. She gives guys who call for Von, the third degree. Girls she gives the phone call right to him. I remember one time I called the house, and she told me he wasn't there, and hung up on me. Later that night he called me and told me he was home all day. She had been telling boys all day he wasn't there. I get it. She thinks I'm one of his hood friends. She loves him and thinks whenever a boy is calling him, they're looking to get her grandson in some street or criminal trouble. She's trying to look out for him. Here's the thing I have learned though. Von is grown. He is old enough to drive...even though he has no license. He is old enough to vote...even though he has never, and pretty sure he can't because he has a felony. He is old enough to drink...even though he has no ID, and still needs someone to buy it for him or he goes to some local corner store that sells it to him without one. Regardless he is grown, and he gets his own self into trouble, becasue...well...he is stupid...and a dumb criminal who doesn't pull off smart moves. Others don't get him in trouble...He does.)

Grandma: You ain't no friend of his. (That comment threw me for a minute, wasn't expecting it.)
Me: Well...yeah I am.

Grandma: You a Damn lie.
Me: Uh...I'm not lying...Why would I lie?

Grandma: You ain't no friend of Von...If you was a friend you would know he not here.
Me: Uh...Just because we are friends, doesn't mean I know where he is every minute, ma'am.

Grandma: If you was a friend you would know where he is!
Me: Well, that's why I'm calling to catch up with him.

Grandam: Well, friend of his...Von's in jail.
Me: (Well, that solves that mystery, but I don't act like I already suspected that) Jail?

Grandma: Yeah, jail...and you was a friend you would known that. Bye!
Me: Ma'am, hold on. How long has he been in there?

Grandma: WHY?!...WHY YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT?
Me: Just curious...I mean I talked to him earlier this year, in January...and I just wanted to know when he got locked up.

Grandma: YOU'S A DAMN lIE!!!!

Okay, at this point, she sounds furious. I mean I can actually see her in my mind, shaking with anger as she says those words. With maybe a cane in the air, with a fist. I've actually never have met Von's Grandmother...other family members, yes, but not her. She sounds like she wants to fight me in the street now.
Me: Excuse me?

Grandmother: You..Is...A...Damn...lie! You ain't speak to no Von in January!
Me: Well, ma'am I beg your pardon, but yes I did.

Grandma: No you didn't. Von been in jail before some January, so no you didn't speak to no Von, in no January.
Me: Well, ma'am I would have to disagree. I'm not sure when in January, maybe it was around New Year or those first week or two, but I spoke to him.

Grandma: Shut the hell up! No, you didn't.
Me: (At this point I'm getting frustrated...She is an old woman and I have been nothing but courtesy...I ain't got but a few more 'Shut the hell ups' and 'You a damn lie' left in me, at this point) Okay, ma'am, maybe I'm wrong...maybe I didn't talk to him in the New Year. I guess the last time I talk to him...was...uh...Christmas.

Grandma: Who the Hell is this Damn liar on my phone? You ain't speak to no Von in no December!
Me: (Now at this point I'm the one shaking from frustration. Now mind you, I'm still driving at this point. I'm ready to pull over, to have full concentration when I handle her old butt. I get it I called her, but now we at a wills about who is right. I'm mad...I think it's the way she is saying things or how she says them.) MA'AM! I know what I'm talking about here!

Grandma: Oh, you know what you talking about, huh? And what I don't know what I'm talking about then?
Me: Well...uh no...I...not...trying...
Grandma: Oh, you saying I don't know where my own Grandson is?...You saying I don't know how long he been there?...That what you saying?
Me: Well...uh..no...I'm not saying that...I'm spoke to him Christmas. That's all I'm saying.

Grandma: YOU'S DAMN LIE...You ain't speak to no Von in no January...You ain't speak to no Von in no December...And you ain't speak to no Von in no November.
Me: LOOK LADY!(Yeah, the Ma'ams where out the window at this point) I know what I'm talking about. Von, your grandson, called me the morning after Christmas. I was still in bed. He called to ask me what I was doing that day, because his grandfather, your husband, bought him a pet snake for Christmas. He wanted to know if I could come and pick him up and take him to pick it up from the breeder or whatever. I told him that if his Grandfather, Your Husband, could buy him a snake, then he could very well take him to pick it up. I said that if he couldn't then someone else in that house could. If they couldn't then he needs to do like Spike Lee says, and 'Get On the Bus.' Now I didn't image this whole conversation...It happened, and it happened in December after Christmas.
(I was so hot at this point, that I wanted to tell her off...Something like, that whenever he was locked up; when he get out to call me...I could use a good Blow Job...and he was so good at giving me head. Something that would for sure give her a coronary.
However, then I would feel guilty if something happen to her, while Von was in jail. Then if he got out he want to talk about his feelings, and Lord knows we had one excruciatingly long conversation one night, that I thought we would be getting busy, but all he wanted to do was talk about if something ever happened to his Grandmother...what would he do?...blah blah blah.So I wouldn't dare say anything liek that ot her, but I was itching.)

She remained quiet for a while. Not sure if she was debating about if she was wrong or right...Or thinking about when Von did go in. Not sure. All I know is she was letting me know either way.
Grandma: You ain't speak to no Von. Bye

She hangs up on me.

Well, regardless of how this conversation turned out. I now know, who has been calling me from jail. Here's the thing...I don't know why. Von has been in and out of jail since I met him, but never has he called me from jail. Even the time he was locked up for 4 months, for gun charges. He was looking at serious time there, but a friend of his, who was locked up to the wrap for it. They were facing like 10 years, and they added to their plea bargain, and he got out. He has been lucky, I'll tell you that. The only thing I can think of is his Grandfather and Mother are tired, and not trying to put any money on his canteen, and he thinks he will get it out of me...I don't know. He would be wrong if that's what he thinks.

However I have been wondering whether or not I should go see him. I mean he lives only 5 or 10 minutes from the jail. I could go visit him. It took me all evening after the phone call to think of his last name. I know the full first, not just the nickname but the last got me. It hit me, when I thought about when he got a ticket for possession of marijuana, while with me, and he had no ID and he had to give the cop his full name. That's right...another long story, I never wrote about, but I remembered his last name from thinking about that.

There is so many story I could write about Von...Even recent ones that are...well interesting. Maybe I should write about them...but what do you think should I go visit him?

Random 13 Things That Pissed Me Off!

2010-03-07T18:51:00.001-05:00

I normally don't do random things post, but do to the fact that things seem to piss me off so much lately here goes random things that make me angry.

1. Why do people let senile...or okay partial senile old people answer the phone? If you have someone who senility is in question, don't let them be in charge of answer the phone all the time, especially if you have like 5 or 6 people up in the house. I will come back to this one later...

2. Someone keeps calling my cellphone from jail. I'm not sure if I can even except collect phone calls from jail, but if I could I keep missing them...bad luck or good luck? I don't know who is calling me, I have a couple ideas, sadly. I'm thinking three guys actually. One is a friend, that I haven't talked to in a minute...a real long minute too. It's a possibility it's him though. The next two guesses is two guys I have hooked up with. I haven't hooked up with a dude in a while so, not exactly sure, why any of them would be calling me now, especially from jail, but I guess what other time is their to reach out and contact someone, but when you have nothing else to do, but make collect phone calls, bet cigarettes who is going to get eliminated off of American Idol this week, and jack-off?

3. Some woman I don't know keeps calling my phone, for the past two weeks. Ironically I keep missing her too. I wonder if she has any connection to collect call from city jail. I keep calling the number back and it goes to voicemail. The other day I finally got some chick on the phone. I asked her, did she call my phone. She tells me I have the wrong number, and hangs up. I wonder if it's the woman of some man I have messed with, and she found my number calling it, thinking she is going to find some other woman...hmmm

4. What's up Jill Scott playing a 25 year older's mother in "Sins of My Mother" on Lifetime? Now granted I only watched the like the first 30 or 40 minutes of the movie, but still I don't get it. Jill is what in her mid to late 30s how is she playing the former alcoholic mother of someone in Grad school working on their doctrine. I mean I get how Jill has that whole matron momma look to her. She a big boned, big breasted black women, but does that make her the mother of someone 12 or so years younger than she is. Couldn't they give it to someone who could use an acting job lately...Robin Givens is trying to do more acting, She is older than Jill Scott. Loretta Divine plays mama's well. Lynn Wittfield could be some one's mama. I'm just saying it didn't feel like great believable casting.

5. Just because wearing a diaper as a grown man was cool, eccentric, and funkadelic in the 70s, does not mean it is today, especially if you are 55 years old? It just looks like you couldn't afford Depends, and lost your pants in the Greyhound bus station. The other week, I turned to Monique's show. Now I don't watch her show...at all! I tried the first few episodes, but couldn't stand it. She tries to hard, and it's not winning from her efforts either. Well, I turned to her show, to wait until Wendy Williams, show came on. That's right I actually like her show...not all of it but the first 20 minutes I enjoy. Anyway on this episode on Monique, she had funk legend George Clinton. Watching that reminded me about something another blogger Excitable Bore, wrote the other month about old singing legend needing to sit down somewhere, because their voices not being the same. I disagreed at the time, but poor George does. That whole performance was a mess to me. He was barely singing...He was just standing up their, looking like he had one foot into the nursing home yelling some incoherent phrases every 30 seconds; while his whole 20 piece crew sung and danced. One being some old dude from back in the 70's heyday, wearing a big cloth diaper. While this shirtless, and what appeared underwearless, low riding, bell bottom young guy with an Afro wig, the size of Rhode Island, was dancing sexually, and looks like he screws any gender with a hole. I'm not kidding, he looked like Studio '54 would have so been his place. He just looked like he had sex, at least once, in front of the whole Funkadelic crew...with what gender is in question. That whole crew look like they still are doing some LSD from '79. Meanwhile Monique was trying to dance the whole 5 minutes and looked winded, and again like she was trying too hard to dance. Like she was tryout to be on Soul Train with Don Cornelius. While Cornell West, American philosopher and civil rights activist, was dancing like he was auditioning for "House Party 9: Avenge of Kid N'Play."

Also, who wants to bet that George doesn't have that crazy hair sewed into his hair anymore? I think it's one huge wig to look like Funkadelic George Clinton hair. I mean that's understandable, who wants to walk around normally like that at his age. It's like Mister T, I once heard that now at his age, he does put on hundreds of chains, but wheres one big one to look like hundreds, except it has just one latch in the back. All about the appearance. However George Clinton's was tragic.

6. Okay, if I'm waiting patiently by the sample table at Costco, for the sample lady to ladle the Panera Bread Cheddar and Broccoli soup...YOU Do Not just walk up, with your dirty white fingers and pick up the next sample, while you look at me waiting. What do you think, I'm just standing their for my health? I mean don't we learn that in first grade, that we wait our turn. Then you going to stand there and look at me with you cock-eyed self. I don't care if your left eye is looking off into the butcher meat section, I know you see me giving you the stink-mean eye, with Both of my eyes.
Costco etiquette, if you see someone already standing there to get a sample, from the sample lady and she doesn't have a few sitting out on the tray, wait your turn to pick up a sample. DO Not just walk up and grab one and people are in line.

7. While we are on Costco etiquette...If the sample lady gives you in her best polite, yet attitude filled voice, that you should know whether or not you like something on the first sample, let alone on the 4th and 5th sample...then there is a a problem. While in Costco the same day as white dude snatching my cheddar and broccoli soup, these three black heifers are just standing around this one cart taking sample after sample, of these rotisserie wing-ettes. Saying stuff like..."Hmmm I just don't know if I like them or not, girl", and "Uh huh, I know what you mean. I need to try me another one just to figure it out". Each of them had a little pile of chicken bones in their hands. The sample lady is right I think you could figure it out that in sample one. It only took one wing-ette for me to know they were nasty and undercooked. I was so embarrasses to be black in that moment. I moved my basket as far away as possible, I didn't want the white people to think, that I had any relations to the other black people, especially, the crazy stereotypical chicken luuven black women.
The underwritten rule is...you take one, two the most samples. If you want another of the sample, walk away and around, try other samples, continue your shopping, then casually walk back for sample three. Four is the absolute Max of one particular sample, and you have to pick up a box or bag of whatever you kept sampling, and have it in your basket too. You Do Not just keep standing their eating like you at Golden Coral. This is not all you can eat. I just know those are the type of women who go to Panda Express asking for sample after sample of the Sweat and Sour Pork and Orange Chicken, then go to Sabarro, for a Supreme piece of pizza or Chick-Fil-A.

8. What happen to your local video stores? It seems that all the local video stores are becoming extinct. I mean the video stores are being replaced with Red Box's and Net Flicks. I guess no one goes to the movie store anymore. You remember when it use to be an experience. I found out that the last movie store besides Blockbuster is closing. I kinda find it sad, remember the days, when you just wanted to make it a movie night, and you went with a love one or a date, and just walked around together. Even though you saw it, and loved it, you wouldn't mind seeing it again, just to be there when they first saw it...and whatever. A whole store of old and new movies. Now granted I'm not sure when the last time I been in a movie store, it just feels sad, that they all seem to be closing.

9. Real sad part about movie stores closing...no more renting porn. It's true most movie stores, was the only place you could rent porn. Even though there still seems to be Blockbusters around, they don't have porn sections. I'm not talking about that soft core porn, where it's just women touching each other either, like they have at the top of the shelves. I'm talking about the hardcore XXX type porn, where you had to go into a separate quite section to view. Where there would be a pictures on the cover, of someone with a dick in their mouth and a title like "Phat Booty's Want Big Dicks 4." Even though you never saw PBWBD 1 thru 3, you could still pick up where they left off easily. Now granted, I haven't rented porn in a minute. I mean the movie store didn't even have my information anymore, it had been so long since I had been there, but it's sad that now I don't have the option.

While I was out at the mall shopping, I past by one of the last Movie Gallery, and it had big store closing signs. I decided to stop. I didn't even waste my time, in the regular section. I went straight to the porn. I really didn't see to much I wanted, however. I'm not really into white people porn, but wish black porn was like it. Maybe I'll will discuss that another day with you. I didn't see any good black or at least interracial gay either, or as they label it alternative. When I brought my one movie to the front in the secret white bag they give you in the Adult room, an older white gentleman about in his early 50s, in front of me, bought 13 porno's. It is weird to image him jacking secretly jacking off to that for the next month. He had a wedding ring on, but I get the feeling his wife wouldn't be watching it with him. He had that suburban PTA look to him, I bet his wife name was Barb too. Barb is going to have a mysterious sticky mess all over her house.

10. This is my first and last season of watching The Bachelor. I was highly disappointed, as most of America, People Magazine, US Magazine, Entertainment Tonight, and so on, about who the pilot picked. The big emotional crybaby picked the young, immature tramp over the nice sweet girl his family loved and America. His farewell was classic..."You are just too perfect of a woman, for me. There is just something missing." The something missing was she only had sex with one other man in her life, her ex husband. Like him, she wasn't going to have sex with him until marriage. Meanwhile the winner looks like she would be giving him a nice BJ, before the reunion special.

11. Speaking of reality television, and BJs...Did anyone watch Pep's show, "Let's Talk about Pep"? I loved the show! They had their Season finale recently. Even though, it didn't feel totally reality, but a little scripted, I loved it. They were trying to give off a little black Sex in the City, except real. Was anyone mad that with all the guys Pep hooked up with this season, she picked the Asian dude. I have nothing against Asian men, actually it is on my sex bucket list, but Tom was not a cute Asian. I'm sorry, but he wasn't. I would have definitely picked um...well none of her picks were spectacular, but I guess the football player whose hair caught on fire, was sorta cute. I mean my DL sense was buzzing, when I watched him, but he was a lot cuter than Tom. Something about the way Tom smiled and his eyes, made me nauseous. I mean I guess he would be good to be in a relationship with, but I know the sex wasn't going to be like no Treach sex. I love Jacque Reid, but what is up with homegirl being damn near 40 and never having an Orgasm in her life....and hating getting oral sex. Giving it is one thing, she don't exactly look like she hands those out freely, but on your birthday of a two year relationship, if you lucky, but hating to receive it too. I was speechless. Did she really think she was going to have an orgasm by going to an orgasm class for couples, and she went by herself? I thought it was hilarious when the orgasm guru, told the class it was now time to take your clothes off, and she bolted faster than Flo Jo out of there...Hello Jacque!!! It's an Orgasms class, how do you get an orgasm, but getting out of your Granny Panties!!! Maybe that's where she is going wrong..."Note to self take off draws, to h ave an Orgasms."

12. Did y'all here the rumors that "Iron Mike" Tyson and Evander "Damn are these all my children" Holyfield are slated to do a rematch? I find that to be a damn shame! Both of these negros are like in their mid 40's and yet they still trying to fight. It's all becasue they are both broke! Both of them have made milions on top of millions intheir career, and now broke trying, to pay child support, and trying to fight each other, for what? Who is goign to watch this if they did? I hope somethign juicy gets bitten off this time? Youknow juicier than an ear? Man that was a long time ago they fought...I think I just got into middle school when that happen I think.

13. Was going to be the story behind number 1., and how it relates to 2...However it not happening today...Becasue peopel tell me my post are tooo loongg now, so sorry.
I'm pissed I can't tell you! It was a big pissing off too!

I spent so much time talking about random stuff, I forgot to go back to discuss the senile old woman story, maybe I'll add it later to this post or the next post.

Cleaning Out My Closet

2010-02-25T02:47:00.006-05:00

Update: I just realized thatmy first two paragraphs I wrote dissapeared. I don't know where my original first two paragraphs went, but this is is something about what I remember.

So lately I have been on a personally cleaning of my closet...no not that closet. The sexual closet is still closed up, bolted, and locked the hell up with a security system where you need a voice activator, a thumb print, and a blow job security pass. No, I have been cleaning out my personal clothing closet. That's not my closet above, but I wouldn't mind having a closet to look just like that, you know except for the leopard skin rug...I mean yikes, and that's a man's closet too. I bet Usher has a leopard skin rug in his closet, for some reason. I've been in a sort of early spring cleaning mood. Well, actually because of all the snowy weekends, we've had this year, may have more to do with me doing a lot of this cleaning and organizing. Just getting a lot of things straight and organized. My clothes, books, Cds, mail, junk everything. I once heard, if you get your outside organize and in order, other things in your life will fall into place and eventually the same will work itself out on the inside. So it's like a step into getting the chaos inside of me organized, my getting the chaos around me in order and in place.

Any who the blog closet...
I have been cleaning out my blog closet. I had so many blogs I've bookmarked over the years. I decided to clean them out. I had blogs that I haven't visited since I first started blogging. I decided to give them a reexamination, based of what they are writing now, and well some got the ole' heave ho! Like 10 blogs I made a special folder for them, the "Delinquent File." It's for those who haven't written a post in months, some close to a year. Either they forgot they had a blog or they have abandoned Blogger, for Tweeter or Faceplace. I have not done either thank you very much. I have gave you a great post either in a while, but I'm still haven't forgot about you. As some of the few readers I still have will let you know, I throw you an "I'm still alive" post every once in a while. Moving on, I cleaned it out deleted a few, or more like a lot. In the end I have set up new folders for all my blogs, that I still read. I have "Blogs," "New Blogs," "I'm Bored Blogs," "Image Blogs"...you know the blogs dedicated to just pictures of hot guys, and "Delinquent Blogs." Maybe I shouldn't reveal that but just letting you guys know. There are a lot of blogs I really love, yet don't comment on as much as I guess I should. If I don't have anything noteworthy to say I don't, but I guess I should still give them a shout out of love.

Clothing Closet...
It feels like my closet stays in a constant disaster zone. My dream closet would be everything in order and color coded. I got there a few times, but in no time it's back to ground zero. I have such nice hangers to for a perfect closet, nice wood hangers...No Wire Hangers!!!! Anyway my motivation was shirts. I had no clean dress shirts or button downs, because that's my casual style. I take them all out and it's like 25-30 shirts I need clean. It's been a long time if ever, I've been that bad on taking my shirts to the cleaners. I think to myself, I could take them to the cleaners or be economical, and wash them myself, because none of them say dry clean only, it's just what I've always done. I decide to buy a two different types of Woolite and wash them myself. No problem, they turn out good...that is until the ironing part. It takes me an hour to iron three shirts. Now I get iron the shirt when I'm ready to where them, but I usually like my stuff ready to where when, well when I'm ready to where them. Also the whole point is organization to have everything hung up, am I really supposed to hang wrinkled shirts. I decide to take all the shirts to the cleaners anyway, to be ironed. I figured I did my bit to save. Half the price of the normal clean is still good, to save me the time of not having to iron all those shirts. I get to one of my normal cleaners. I tell her I just wanted to have my shirts ironed. I have never brought something in just to have ironed, but knew they did that. She tags and writes me up my bill...Now my normal price per shirt is $1.75 a shirt, she writes up a bill where she charged me $2.50 a shirt. Of course I had to ask what was up with that. She informs me that to just iron the shirts is a flat fee of $2.50 per item. We go back in forth how that makes absolutely no sense to me and all the sense to her. In conclusion to just iron any item regardless of a dress shirt or formal gown is $2.50, and to get a shirt cleaned is $1.75 with a complimentary starch and iron. I guess it's a nice thing to know if I ever need my formal gown ironed on the cheap, but for a shirt is stupid. Even though to do more work on the shirt is cheaper, to just iron it will cost me more...ain't that some bull. I still don't know how that makes sense. She kept trying to talk me into cleaning them all over again for the $1.75. That didn't make sense either, especially since they were clean and Downy fresh now. In the end I just brought the home, and put them in a a drawer, wrinkled but clean.

Speaking of cleaners...I went by this one cleaners I go to, to pick up a sweater they had. While cleaning out my closet. I realized that a sweater of mine was missing, and realized that this cleaner had it. I found my cleaner slip in my car and go over to this cleaners. To my surprise they were closed...not for the evening...not for the weekend...not for the Sunday...not for the week, but for good. Please tell me how a cleaners just ups and closes, without notifying it's customers. I mean what exactly is the purpose of leaving your number with your clothing if, no one bothers to throw you a bone, of "Hey we closing down, you might want to pick up your stuff." No information at all on the building except a lease sign. I just stood there waiting, like someone was going to jump out and say hey just kidding we go your cloths.

While I was also cleaning out my closet I realized that I might have moths. I had these two dress pants hanging up, they I have never wore, because they had never been hemmed. They still had that extra foot of raw fabric on them, that some men's pants, come like from the store. I decide to get them hemmed, and notice these little tiny holes all over them. I do some further investigation, and I find more cloths with these tiny holes. Now that completely freaks me out, and I take ever piece of clothing out. Here's the thing I never found any bug or moth in the closet. Do moth holes actually come from Moths? Well, whatever it is, it's not going for the cheaper clothes either. It's going for the cashmere and silk wool items. This one camel color cashmere sweater...lord knows I hated that sweater. It was a very itchy sweater. I HATED it, but I would have liked to give it away to someone who needed it or Goodwill or something, but now it looks like Swiss cheese. I'm not joking it has little itey bitey holes all over it. Now the last thing I would want to do is get moth balls. They have such a strong spell, and I don't think I could deal with that smell on a regular at all. I have been around people who spell like moth balls, and that it's cute. I'm not sure if you have been around someone who uses a lot of moth balls all over their house, but even their food taste like moth balls. I went to Walmart, and got instead cedar balls and blocks. I guess my clothes will smell like a cedar chest, but I think that's better than moth balls. Sorry for those people still rocking the moth balls.

Cleaning out the car...
I decided to clean out my car as well. I have an SUV, and I have come to the realization, that the bigger the car, them more junk you can fill in it. A kid I know asked me a question when I was going through my car trying to find something. He asked me, do I use my car as a closet. At first I thought he was making a joke, but he was dead serious. To be honest sometimes I do. Yeah I have change clothes and sweat shirts in my car. Either just in case shirts, or shirts I have changed out of. I have changed completely in my car. If you ever see a thick nigga in a SUV changing clothes at the stoplight, it's me. Usually I don't clean my car out unless I am actually taking it to be cleaned or visiting Von. Even then I just thrown it all on the third row or cargo area. I take out my clothes and hats when going to see Von, because he always wants to borrow crap from me. Funny thing in all the cleaning of my car and closet; I found two shirts and a pair of draws that belong to him. Here's the thing he don't be over my place like that to be leaving things so I don't know how I got them. The draws I remember...he left them in my car accidentally...Not going to elaborate, just let your imagination run with that one.

Books and Cd's...
I had about 250 to 300 CD's. I decided to really get them in order and straight. But them in the right case, because I think for some it has been years since they have seen the original case. Basically I do this to try to figure out what CD's have been borrowed from me and not returned. My cousin borrowed like 10 or 15 CD's from me over the course of a year, a while back. When him and is girlfriend broke up, uh he let her have keep all the CD's including the ones he borrowed from me. Who does that? Yeah that might seem like the nice thing to do, if they were yours or you bought them together, but he didn't and t hey didn't! I called her, apparently she don't know where they are at now. Some people just have no respect for other peoples things. When I borrow anything I treat it like it's mine. Apparently I can't get the same respect. I have made a new rule no borrowing of my CDs. See the thing is. When he borrowed them, not all of the CD's were in the right case, and he took some CD's out of their case and put them together in one case, so he wouldn't have to carry all the case. So I don't know what he had or what it's in. All he can remember from the 15 CDs, is a Common CD, an Aaliyah CD, Bobby Valentino CD. I had the cases to all of those, but no CD, so I don't know what he carried them out in.

In the end, I'm currently left with 40 or 50 empty CD cases. Now I have a CD carrier somewhere, but I can't find it. Until I find it, I can't narrow down what is missing officially. The big question to me is where is the cases to 15 0r 20 CDs. I know he can't have had them all.

I got all my books in order to, took them from all over the house. Now I love Hardback. I hate paperback. If I can help it, I don't buy paperback, however hardbacks are certainly space consuming let me tell you that. I realize from a cover sleeve that a book is missing. I call the person up, and apparently they either lost the book, when the moved or she lent it to someone and can't remember who...uh, no lending up books as well in the future, I see. At least she offered to replace it.

My personal blog...
There is so much reorganizing and things I want to do with this blog, but haven't done yet. First the overall layout and format I have wanted to change forever, but can't seem to. There is this one that I really want but blogger will never let me work it out. For someone who took Cisco for two years, I'm so computer illiterate. So for in the meantime, I have decided to change my intro picture at the top of the blog. Now this is the exactly view and skyline I see on many of the stories and adventures and guys I've talked about on this blog. So here's a picture as a back drop of all the madness of my DL lifestyle.

I think I'm also changing my name again. The last time I changed it, was when Michael Jackson died, and I changed it as a tribute, if no one figured it out. It is my personal favorite songs of his. As I'm finishing up this blog, I don't know exactly what it will be yet, but I will figure it out at the last minute. I'm just tired of this YB&DL's Bad PYT In the Closet at Heartbreak Hotel, and besides it rarely fits into the comment section on certain bloggers blogs.

Lastly I have several unfinished blogs, that I never published, doubt I would now, but who knows, I might finish them and publish them regardless of their current reverence.

Pictoria Editorial Wednesday-Fantasia

2010-01-20T23:43:00.022-05:00

Okay...Yes I know it's been a minute since I posted a real post and this is the first for the year, but hear is something to hold you over until I write a real post. One of my favorite performers hands down has to be Fantasia. That's why I want to dedicate a Pictorial Editorial Wednesday to her. Now I had actually sent some of these pictures to another blogger to post on their blog, last fall I believe. Yeah I know what you are thinking...how can you tell another blogger what to put on their blog. Well, Mister Jones of Surrealistically Speaking, had these real awful pictures of Fanny looking like a Sweaty Ghetto Mess, while performing. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I believe it was something on the lines of, "Why does Fantasia always look a mess." Now that may be true uh 50 percent of the time, it's not always true...oh who am I kidding more like 60 maybe even 75 percent of the time. Here are a few pictures taken by celebrity photographer, Atlanta's Derek Blanks. I think she looks amazing. I wish this was the Fantasia we could always get.

So last Monday, premiered the debut episode of Fantasia's new reality show on VH-1, called "Fantasia So Real." Yes, I know what you are thinking, do we really need another reality show...um I'm going to go out on a limb...and say not really. However I get it. It's a way for certain stars to keep their name out their or to put their name BACK out there, if they been gone for a minute. It works for some people are talking about Kandi Burgess from Escape, when she joined "Desperate Housewives of Atlanta." It worked for Monica on her reality show, although I didn't watch it, not sure who actually watched that one either. I watched one episode, she was kinda of boring. It worked also for Tiny of Escape in "Tiny and Toya"...for Pepa from Salt N'Pepa...and so on and so forth. So I get why Fantasia did it. To get people to talk about her, before her new album drops. I think it was a decent idea. Her family is basically another Keyshia Cole family. Her Neiffe and Frankie is her brother Teeny. He's that ghetto mess family that is mooching off her. He will be that talked about character on her show.

Here's the thing. I think Fantasia is an underrated artist. I know she isn't for everybody I get it. I realize not everyone likes her. However I'm always rooting for her. Whenever I see her perform, I get excited, but I silently hope please pull back on the screaming, it's not necessary. It's no secret Fantasia screams...a lot. I think she has a nice voice, when she isn't doing the screaming thing. I get it, she from the church, and some of those who grew up in Pentecostal church, think that screaming is the all way to move your audience and stir their soul. I wish someone would tell her to pull it back and leave it in the church, sometimes.
Now I'm going to post, one of my absolute favorite Fantasia Moments, is this UNFC Tribute to Patti Labelle. Out of all of the performers that night, Jennifer Hudson, Letoya Luckett, Yolanda Adams...uh I can't remember the other performers...Fantasia without a doubt stole the whole show with this performance. Poor Letoya, I don't know whose idea was it for her to sing a Patti Labelle song, but she was struggling. She might do all right with her singles on her albums, but performing live isn't for everyone. Jennifer Hudson, did all right. This was aired in the Fall of 2008, right during her whole family saga, with her family murders. I remember thinking this had to be taped a week or two before all of it happened. I believe she did "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and something else. Anyway no one out performed Fantasia that night. Now if you can't watch this at work, then watch it at home, if not there then at a friends house, library, hell go to Kinkos and watch it, because whatever your opinion on her, good or bad, you will love this. I really haven't met anyone who didn't like this performance. I know some people who can't stand Fantasia, but they had to give her probs on this one. I think she did the best in capturing Patti in this performance. If there was every a docu-picture on Patti Labelle, I think Fantasia should play her. All I have to say is catch point 2:11. That's when I have to throw the towel down and walk out the room, because I'm no good. I'm not going to spoil why, but I will give you one hint Jamie Foxx is not the only singer she has kissed in the mouth, while singing!

Anyway back to our regularly schedule program. Anyway on her reality show, she basically says the same thing Monica said on her first episode. Wrong moves and decision on her last album was made, and that they want to get it right on this album. Now Monica chopped it up to the wrong first single and other things. Fantasia chopped it to poor promotion. I find it ironic both were on the same label at the time. Anyway, I think Fantasia needs to realize her mistake was the wrong singles and videos, plain and simple. I actually like her last album, more than her first really. Just the wrong singles. Now I'm not going into that, but "Hood Boy" was the wrong first single. Maybe more like the third, but not first. There is one song on the album I thought would have been a great single "I Nominate U." It's a very sexy song about nominating you for best lover award. I can picture a hot sexy music video with her in something like this with the red dress and the harp. I think that her last album was just underrated, it is one of my favorites.
Here is one little inside unknown fact. Keyshia Cole's "Let It Go," from her second album featuring Lil' Kim and Missy was originally recorded by Fantasia with Missy Elliot, but was dropped from the album, and later snapped up by Keyshia Cole. Just think what that song could have done for that album.

I think she looks good here. I see red bottom on the soles...you know what that means...Louboutins. Isn't that right, Quincy? I learned from you. In my opinion she looks beat... I think I used that word correctly.
I think it all comes down to poor choices. I think Fantasia just makes bad decisions. Poor decisions from Finance, to Family, to Business moves like missing 50 shows when The Color Purple was on Broadway, to Love Life (She done stole a man from his wife recently, he worked at T Mobile at the time), to style and hair choices. Let's take a look at some of these poor hair choices.

Look at that mess. This is what distracts people from her talent. That mess. It is that Simpleton crap that makes you think she needs a Life Coach, someone to tell her how to live her life. Because obviously she doesn't have someone in her life to tell her, "Fanny...baby...your whole head being red, ain't for everybody. You is a little bit to brown skin for that one!" Yes, I said it! Hell it's not for all light skin people, hell no not for her complexion. She got 6 people living in her house not one could tell her the skunk look isn't in, you ook like a fool going to the Grammy's with that. You are an American Idol, not Bama Idol. For you who don't know what Bama means, where I'm from that's when you are not only Ghetto, but Country too.

See I can go for this hairstyle. She needs the people who styled her for this shoot on a regular basis...Hair by Deaudra Metzger, celebrity stylist Shun Nelson, make-up artist Saisha Beecham, and nails by Terrence Terry.

I usually love black and white,but this is my least favorite from the shoot. Although I don't think she plays the harp, nor the trumpett, let alone the tuba. Can y'all picture her in somebody's marching band, doing the Fantasia strut,playing the tuba.

F.Y.I. did y'all know she hadn't gotten her GED yet? I thought she got that years ago, when she wrote the book and made the movie of her life. She supposedly gets it on her show. What has she been doing all this time?!

Pictorial Editorial Wednesday-Tiger's Women

2009-12-09T02:08:00.022-05:00

Now I promise I will soon right a real blog soon, but I thought I will post this until I do. I have much to write about, in my life, but just haven't taken time to do so. One thing no one can say about me right now, is my lack of something to write about, but more so lack of focus to write it instead.

I decided to give you a pictorial editorial of all of Tiger's alleged women...1-7 so far. I couldn't find pictures of 8 through 10, because I couldn't find their names. I actually goggled to find the best pictures of the ladies, and put a face to the booty Tiger was tapping.

TIGER'S WOMEN....

1.) Rachel Uchitel. The club hostess was the first woman to be linked to Tiger. Y'all, she is the only who is always caught in pictures wearing the big sunglasses. Like the second picture of her. She kept saying she met him a few times, but didn't really know him. nothing was going on. Well, her nothing going on self has been allegedly flew to Australia to be with Tiger and give him some Down Under lovin' during a golf tournament there. I think I would have just gotten to local Australian booty if I was Tiger, his chances would have been better without of the country sex and hook ups. She has remained silent...well at first. I think now with all the women coming out the wood work I hear she is upset, because she thought she was the only mistress...hmmm how wrong she was. I hear she was going to speak out but Tiger offered her a $1 million dollars to keep quite.

2.) Jamie Grubbs. She is the cocktail waitress, that was on VH1's "Tool Academy." I watched both seasons, but wasn't into it enough to remember her or which season she was on the first or second season. Those of you who don't know what "Tool Academy" is, it's a show where women bring there douche bag men, to make them better men, for the sake of their relationship. All I know is that either season was while she was supposedly on a 31 month affair with Tiger. So she was on a show to make her alleged boyfriend a better partner, but she was sleeping with Tiger too. She was supposedly seeing him until that infamous night he crashed his car. She is the one who released the voicemail, where tiger is telling her to change her outgoing voicemail message in case his wife calls. Tiger all this chick wanted was some fame. And you gave her simple looking ass, it too. Nothing all that special about her either.

This was Jamie's boyfriend on "Tool Academy," I don't remember him either. In fact I really don't remember too many people on this show, not important enough to remember, but I do remember the hair cut!

3.) Kalika Moquin. The 27-year-old club manager from Las Vegas is reported to have had a brief sexual relationship with Tiger. She would neither confirm nor deny the report. I would have to say she is one of the prettier girls, so far. Her and ole girl in the number 1 spot, Rachel are in competition for prettiest Tiger girl. She keeping her mouth shut. I like that. Hmm she's a club manager, so at least it's step up from low budget models and waitress.

4.) Cori Rist. She's a 31-year-old swimsuit model/single Mom of a 7 year old boy. She met Tiger in a Manhattan club last year, before they began a sexual relationship. Tiger reportedly flew her, all over the world to various secret hook up locations, for sex. I don't know how a single Mom is able to jet set for sex, but she was. For her to be a swimsuit model, I couldn't find a single picture of her in a swimsuit, in fact this is the only picture I was able to find of her, and she is in her Hooter's uniform. I guess hemet her there when he stopped to get soem wings. Is 31 year older a little old to old be a swimsuit model, that we have never heard of? I know Naomi Campbell still models them, andTyra did up into her 30s as well, but we heard of them. I guess not, maybe I'm being a little hard on her. This one is another example of nothing all that special about her, looks wise.

5.) Jamie Jungers...who wants to bet that wasn't her birth name, huh? She is a 26 year old lingerie model...and not a Victoria Secrets one either...those are to high class for Tiger Woods he likes the low budget lingerie models....She works for Trashy Girls Lingerie. I think that sums up everything right there. I bet when Tiger her that, he rushed her to the nearest Days Inn. No expense is to great for his Trashy Girls. He met her in Las Vegas. I will say she isn't ugly either, she a cute little blonde. In this picture at least her boobs looks real. Now the other girl in the picture, hmm not so much.

6.) Mindy Lawton. Now look at this one here. I just can't do nothing but drop my head and shake it. Are you serious Tiger...her really? She's a 33 year old waitress in Orlando. Now I have heard a few times she worked a Waffle House a few said IHOP, but now they are saying it's just an independent pancake joint. He supposedly dumped her in 2007...probably around the time he started messing with Jamie Grubbs up there in the number 2 spot. This was his only local booty that we know of so far. She was in Orlando, this was the one where Tiger was caught dropping her off at her home in a Trailer Park...hmm to easy, not even going to go there...lol He probably was dropping her off after doing her all over his estate. I believe she is the one saying they had sex all over his home...the garage, his car, outside on the lawn or something. I know a couple people who live in Trailers, they call them Double Wides though, and they are black people, just thought I would say that.

This is her all dolled up for something. Hmmm...even dolled up, she looks....ehhh...hmmm. All I have to say is beauty is definetely in the eye of the beholder. My goodness!! Oh who am I kidding she looks average at best dolled up. That stringing hair, that face...Tiger should have spent some money and got her a makeover or something. He just picks up any ole thing. I bet she give juicy sloppy blow jobs.

7.) Holly Sampson. She's the 36 year old porn star from Los Angeles. There were several pictures of her, but I decided to use one of the ones from her porno's. In this picture she looks decent enough, well for Tiger I guess and for the Adult film industry. Not like they picky, blond big fake boobs, can screw on command. I bet this was Tigers freak. I hate to stereotype her, but lets be real. She was probably the girl, with all the tricks, and the one he probably could do anything sexual he wanted. Maybe even a little Doggystyle anal action. I mean lets be real. Now it doesn't show int his picture, but other pictures I have seen, she looked a bit dried up in the face. Like she needed some moisturizer or something. I'm guessing all the moister has been sex out of her skin.

NOW WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED SO FAR...

First of all Tiger is going to cry many tears before this saga is over with, either about his career the oodles of money he might loose, or honestly his marriage. Personally I can't wait till he does it on Oprah. I hear she might get the first interview. The Big O is perfect for this.

I think we learned Tiger loves the service industry booty. All them waitresses. I hear number 8 is a cocktail waitress too. She was a waitress in the VIP lounge of some restaurant in Orlando. I think all them waitress was a big problem in his cheating. You can't just hookup with any ole white girl who serves you a beer and some pancakes. I mean you are a billionaire for Mercy sake. Cheat with some fellow billionaire/millionaire heiress or something. How about a woman with a career ant just a job. How about a chick you owns the club, not just hostess their or waitresses there.

Look at this not a black woman in the bunch. I mean really Tiger you couldn't find one mulatto...yes I said mulatto biracial Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Paula Patton...is she mixed...looking woman to mess around with, in all those 10 women. Dang...hey what about even a Blasian woman like yourself, like Amerie. I mean not an ethnic woman in the bunch. No Asian women, No Black Women, No Latino Women...nothing. I mean you live in Florida, that's like Latino Depot. Latino and Hispanic women fresh off the boat and not the first in your 10. I guess the only ethnic women he likes is Nordac/Swedish ones or British. Hmmm

I hate to pull this white girl stereotype, but I have to say it. In the words of my Mother..."You know its because them white girls love to suck dick, right!..He love them to suck that pole of his." Now I know that's wrong, a lot of people and races engage in oral sex.....

However white girls will suck the chrome off a 1976 Cutlass Supreme, won't they?!

Pictorial Editorial Wednesday- Tiger Woods

2009-12-02T14:15:00.010-05:00

I think I'm going to start a new series called Pictorial Editorial Wednesday. I'm not sure on the name right now, but we will see. It's a play on some people having a Semi or Wordless Wednesday. Since everyone knows me doing anything wordless or semi-wordless is out. I think this title might be more appropriate for me down the road.

Anyway my first Pictorial Editorial is on Tiger Woods. Even though he is keeping quite. He seems to be all over the news. I think the media loves a private and some what good boy's bones to fall out of the closet.. He has recently had two mistress pop up. I'm not surprised, however. Now one mistress is keeping quite The other however, is blabbing and releasing text messages and voicemails. Tiger Tiger Tiger...you need to take a Down Low class for heterosexuals. Never leave a voicemail. Unless you are cheating with someone who has just as much to loose.

This is him semis nude in a Gillette commercial. What do you think he would be working with. I mean in my mind it's not like he swinging huge things, but it would just right to get the job done...for the ladies of course!

I know on the left i n the purple shit he looks a bit Jon Gosselin, but hey we all have our days of looking...hmm different. It was really hard to find more sexier pics of him, but I say just image him shirtless on his Yacht "Privacy".
Could you just eat that face up.

Anyway Tiger I know you like the white girls but babyboy, I would know how to keep us private and stay private! If you like I will dye my hair blonde, learn Dutch, and change my name to Sven...hmmm or maybe not.

Unpretty?...No, Or is it Unsexy?

2009-11-27T02:47:00.002-05:00

I wrote this last week. I really had reservations about posting this. I was upset, when I wrote it, but I had initially chopped this up as being one of those things, I wrote for my eyes only. I have many like that. However I criticize others about going long periods of time without posting, and I hadn't posted Anything for November yet. This was already written so, I thought why not post it, before November ends. I really haven't changed anything except my Book of the moment. Then I thought if I post it, make it a comment-less post. One where no one can comment. However I just going to let it all out. It a vulnerable side of me right now, that extremely bothers me, but who I am right now. I wrote this Wednesday of last week. My goal is to comeback strong after the holiday. So maybe in the beginning of December, I will write more. Here it is until then.

I feel so damn unpretty. I know not exactly a masculine feeling, but I say that, because for some reason, I've been thinking about the lyrics to TLC's "Unpretty." I keep thinking about the chorus, you know...
'You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in the position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too'

Now unlike the song, nobody is making me feel unpretty, or unsexy...yeah let's say that, I feel unsexy, that's more manly or how about unhandsome... Anyway nobody is making me feel unsexy but myself. I think about what Katt Williams once said, about people saying that someone gave them low self esteem. He said that self esteem, is the esteem of Your self, can't nobody lower it but you! Now I don't know how accurate that statement really is. I think maybe others can contribute to lowering self worth and self esteem, but I guess ultimately you control where your self esteem goes, and I think mine has hit rock bottom.

Today I was at Macy's for their "One Day Biggest Sale of the Year." Which I feel they say all the time. However like the sales lady told me, but they mean it this time. she says that today is suppose to be even bigger than Black Friday. I mean even the one day part is a lie. It's actually two days, however yesterday they called it the "preview." The same sale except you can preview the sales and get them for the sale price on the "preview" day. Just fancy for a two day sale but one day seems more exciting and must have. I went out thinking it was going to be great prices without a bunch of fuss, because it's the middle of the week. However Macy's was crazy, was hard finding a parking space. You would have thought it was the Saturday before Christmas....Just Crazy. Anyway let's get down to the nitty gritty. It was indeed great prices today. However...however, however, however...hmmm

Let me just paint the picture...me sitting in the Men's department dressing room shirtless, with a pile of clothes surrounding me, and me just looking at myself in disgust, and me just looking at myself with those clothes, because I couldn't fit them. Now I know some of you think why not just get bigger sizes, which I could do, which I thought about doing. but I am going to tell it to you just like I felt in the dressing room, if I went up another size, that would mean what I dreaded was true. It wasn't me not being able to find my size that was the problem, but me fitting my usual sizes.

Okay Confession time...

I have joked with a couple people online and offline about this, but it was sorta joking the pain away, but here it is plain and simple. Today November of 2009, I would say I am uh roughly at least 30 to maybe 35 pounds heavier, than I was in November of 2008, or at least sometime last fall. Yep 35 pounds. Now I'm not 100 percent sure on that number, because...well I'm scared to check. I'm afraid to get on the scales and either find out it is more than 30 or so pounds, even though I don't think it is; or I'm afraid to check because, if it is 35, that makes it real and with evidence. However this clothing situation is actually evidence enough. I couldn't believe nothing was working. Every new shirt, vest, sweater, was bringing me down. Now I know some are thinking like I mentioned earlier, why not just go up a size and call it a day. I could, but if I went up a size then, it would officially mean I have went up not one but two shirt sizes in a year. When I got to the first size, I thought no big deal, but now that I'm not fitting that... Well, I just wasn't ready for that reality. I don't know why though I should have been used to it. I was hit with it Sunday. Getting ready for church was crazy. I'm going through shirt after shirt, and nothing was fitting. I'm taking dress shirts out the cleaner plastic, and the stuff isn't wrapping itself around my body. Now I have notice over the year certain suit jackets feeling a bit more snug, but actually in the last couple months, it seems as if I'm becoming the Incredible Hulk, about to bust through my clothes. Sunday I was tripping in the mirror like, dang, didn't this shirt fit two months ago, now the buttons are looking like they are holding on for dear life. That's how the buttons have been looking like lately...like they are in a wind storm holding on, so that the big wind beast (My belly) doesn't sweep them away.

Now I know why I have gain the weight, I'm not dumb. Last year I was going to the gym like 5 times a week...on a good week 6 times, in expensive boxing too, had a trainer, blah blah blah. I felt guilty if I missed to many days, and not going to the gym long enough. This year...uh well, earlier this year it started off rough. I actually think it started in the end of last year, when the medical situation, with the Moms happened, I got out the habit of going to the gym, and then when I tried to get back in the swing, in the late winter/early spring, it just never happened, at least not what it was before. Instead of feeling guilty for missing days, and not going I felt kinda like I didn't want to be there. That's just it, I just don't feel like going. I guess I just got tire of being one of those people who has to work at maintaining. Work at looking decent. I know so many people who don't have to go to the gym. They eat what they want, and nothing happens. I think about Red Robins burger...uh lets say the one with the fried egg on it, or the one with the onion rings on it...oh wait, they may not have the one with the onion rings, hmmm not sure, but anyway I like them with the onion rings on the actual burger...A Red Robins cheese burger with the fried egg on it and the onion rings on the burger, with the honey mustard sauce....and well I gain 2 pounds, just thinking about it. Oops there goes my button just writing about that damn burger.

Anyway back to the dressing room at Macy's. I tell people always to remain optimistic. Instead of saying fat say something else. Not to long ago Lady Nay had something similar, and I was trying to tell her to use optimistic words, but I guess easier said than done, because I feel so fat and nasty. I am bigger, than I have ever been in my life. I feel so...low. Usually I tell someone to look for other positives, when you see a negative, but I had none. My go to is usually my face and skin. I have good skin...I have a good skin routine, and genetically I have good skin. However today...I don't know...it's all broken out. I don't know whether I put something on it that I shouldn't or been around something I might be allergic to and don't know or what. My skin is sensitive, I put the wrong heavy cream or lotion and I look like I have hives on my face. I think this time, it maybe sodas, I think my water to soda ration it to high, and I've had to much soda, which also breaks me out. Then there is my hair. Long story, actually another sore spot for me...I got a Kim from Real Desperate Housewives of Atlanta, type reasoning going on with my hair. Medical reasons, not cancer, but medical reasons and it's not premature balding, but it looks like it is. Either way another positive of mine is gone. I should have shaved my face today too. I looked rough. Kinda Grisly Adams. I just was a hot mess in that dressing room. I folded and re hung the clothes and put them back. I used to work in retail, that's just polite and considerate. I put my Sean John black hoodie back on, with the hood on my head, and my dark black sunglasses and hid myself from the world, as I got out of the store.

I felt like going home and hiding, and consoling myself, with Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and Munchies, those fit me so well. They fit me, because that's what I love to do it much on chips and stuff. I love the white cheddar cheese popcorn by Smartfood. Love those. I also love the Entenmann's Super Cinnamon Roll. In my opinion the best substitute for the mall's Cinnabon. You know it took all the strength in the world to not go tot CinnaBon, when I left Macy's. I was feeling low enough where that would have made me feel somewhat better. I mean that's what makes me feel better about my weight, to eat something comforting, yet the worse thing to eat when concerning my weight a bad cycle I'm in, I know! Let me say this, there is a reason STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS, take understanding in that. I just wanted to go there, because lately I haven't been able to find the Entenmann's Super Cinnamon rolls. I hope they have stopped making them. The beast who wants to go home and hide and eat his cinnamon rolls.

That's how I feel like the hideous beast. Like the beast from the Beauty and the beast story. I'm the once handsome prince, now the ugly beast who needs to be shielded from he world and held up in his home. I felt like in Macy's everyone was looking at me like who let that fat, ugly, son of a gun, in need of a shave, and a fresh low fade, because his hair has grown and shows its scarce places of growth, beast of a man. Now I'm sure they were looking at me and thinking those things...well, not all of Macy's. However that's how I feel right now. I wish I knew how to fake the funk better, but it is getting harder and harder. before I would say when you are feeling low or insecure, just fake it. Fake the confidence. Carry yourself well and act with confidence that you are sexy and got it going on, then that is sexy. Confidence is Sexy, even if it isn't 100 percent genuine, nobody has to know but you. However I can't even fake it. I still dress well, and carry myself well, but it's hard to fake the funk, or fake the confidence. I'm feeling low. A couple people have even mentioned a difference in my attitude. I can't help it, I just don't like what I see, when I look in the mirror lately.

Some people act like they don't see it, but I know they do...if I do, they do. It bothers me. Some however are very vocal about seeing the difference. I think that may have something to do with my period of lack of sex right now. Now yes, A big part of it was me being tired of Men, and the experiences I have been having this year, and me needing time to work on myself on the inside; however a tiny part I think may also be that I feel too unsexy to be hooking up right now. A couple months ago, when I was having all those crazy horrible experiences, I had one, I didn't blog about. I hooked up with this guy I have know for a minute. The last time we hooked up was last year. That was the only other time. Anyway we meet, and we rekindle a one time thing. Everything is cool, until I get undress. He then says, while I'm just in my draws, "Damn, what you been eating, since last year?!" He says this as he pokes my belly, like he is expecting me to giggle like the gosh damn Pillsbury dough boy. I was shocked and well mortified. Who waits to say that, to a sexual partner, when someone is naked and vulnerable. Here is the catcher, he had put on a couple pounds since last year himself. Granted maybe not as much as me, but he had, so I mentioned that. He takes pride in it, and tells me, "Everything!" He goes in about how even that night he had some off the chain chili cheese fries, that was so good he had to get another large batch. Now on a sane person, they would stop everything right there and get dress and leave when told something about their weight like that. However my crazy tell had something to prove then. How even though I had put more weight on, I still was great. However, things didn't end well that night. We had got hot and heavy and really into thing, I'm working hard, when...well ole boy's chili cheese fries got the best of him. He started farting up a storm, when suddenly he jumped up and ran to the bathroom, yelling about the chili cheese fries were turning on him. He then proceeded to blow up the spot. Here is the catcher, he didn't have any toilet paper. He had me searching his spot for toilet paper or paper towels. Was out of those too. I finally found him some McDonald's napkins, for him to use. I was polite I waited until he finished, before I bounce. Needless to say I was completely out of the mood then. Right before I left, he was talking about let's exchange numbers so we won't get disconnected again. I told him I was good. No need to even bother with him keeping in touch, if he sees my fat ass in the street that would be suffice enough for me.

Wow, me getting off the subject again. However that night was rough. That's when I really, realized that others notice the weight gain too. Some say they don't. Pickle doesn't seem to act like he has. Since me abstaining from sex for a while, he has seemed to gotten life from that. Texting me all the time about bringing my sexy tail over to his house and what all the things he wants to do. It's flattering at first, but then my mind gets to working. Does he really think I'm sexy or is he just saying that?...What exactly does he find sexy about me?...Is it everything, or is it what I do between the sheets?...Should I ask he, why exactly does he want me? I stop things right there. As much as I want to ask him. I don't One thing that is absolutely unsexy, is asking a guy what is sexy or why do they find you sexy. It shows insecurities. That is true low self esteem behavior. I haven't mentioned my feelings on my weight to him, but I have talked about it with my married DL acquaintance. I haven't specifically talked about him, but I have, you just didn't know it. I plan on talking more about him in the near future. Certain blog post have been about him. Anyway I mentioned it to him, and he told me some mess like "Y you is a young classy dude, at any weight you are sexy, by the way you carry yourself...yada yada yada." That was find until he said, but if you really feel that way, hit the gym more often. He then mentioned having a gym buddy, to encourage me. He offered himself. He works out at the YMCA, and the YMCA he works out at is a DL meat marked. I think he picks up more dudes, than works out himself. Not ideal. And then there is Von...well, Von seems oblivious to it all, but maybe he had notice a difference in me too, I'm not sure. I haven't seen him since that Labor day Weekend, that I blogged about, but before then the sex had dwindled and mostly on his part, maybe he noticed the weight gain. He did know me prior it....not sure, but one of the things I have been thinking about.

Anyway it always seems to be easier to believe the worse stuff, than the good.

Let me say this huge disclaimer, and I'm saying it at the end, to see who actually reads the end. I do not want to hear any bull shit comments like... "All you have to do is eat right and exercise regular and everything will work out all right!" It's like Gee Golly Whiz, Really? I didn't know that. Don't tell me any bull shit that I already know. I know what I have to do. REGARDLESS of how I feel, I know I have to get back in the swing of exercising. That's life sometimes you have to do, what you don't want to do or like to do, but what you need to do!

So here it is the night after Thanksgiving. I have much to be thankful for. I had a pretty decent one. A little dram, but that's family for you. all in all a good day. Now since it's this particular holiday is almost over. I can star to try to loose some weight before Christmas gets here, We will see!

He Lust Me...He Lust Me Not...I Lust Them All Not

2009-10-29T02:40:00.004-04:00

What is it about the rain, that I love. I mean it can be so many different characteristics and embodiments. When it's hot, it can be refreshing...when its cold, it can be dreary...It can be sad, it can make you happy, it can be soothing, it can be terrifying, it can make you sing, apparently based on some movie titles, and it can be very romantic. I feel like I have a raining day spirit. I don't know I like the rain. It fits me somehow.

Tonight, it's raining. A cold, damp rain. It's raining hard. It's that season, I suppose. Spring gets the stigma of being the raining season, with "April Showers brings May flowers" saying, but no the late Summer/Fall season is definitely the raining season, by it being hurricane season. Anyway for me the rain is very sexy. Something about it is very sensuous to me. It makes me want to...well, touch somebody...it makes me want to touch myself, as girlie as that might sound. Nothing obscene I'm touching, just over the sweater nipple rubbing. Okay maybe under the sweater nipple rubbing and perhaps a little pinching as well. Tonight makes me think of a night I had a little over a month ago, maybe slightly longer. Before I had given up on sucking...well before I declared a ban on oral sex. A night I met this guy. Ironically, I ran into him tonight, a night dark and rainy, like the night I met him. I ran into him as I was driving, like that night. Tonight, I think about that night we spent.

The night started off clean and crisp, but most importantly it started off dry. I never expected the night overall to end the way it ended. To be completely honest, I can't remember where I was going, or where I was coming from. I do remember it was a Sunday night. I notice him at the stop light. He is driving a white two door Honda, with a huge spoiler on the back. We make eye contact, then we return our faces back forward to the road ahead. We meet at the next stoplight a block ahead. I look over at him, he is still looking ahead. As if immediately sensing my glance he looks at me, we make eye contact again. However this time something is different, it last several seconds longer...too long. We take off, both get caught at yet another stoplight. Always at the same length of cars back in our lanes; whether it's both first or both third, always the same. This time I sense his glance first I then look over at him glancing my way. This time I give him the head nod up, the man's hello, well in certain circles. He returns it. It starts to drizzle. I'm a little surprised, hadn't heard the weather. Didn't know it was supposed to rain. The night just didn't feel as if rain was in store. We both look forward, but our glances at each other always returns. I've been here before many, many times. This interaction feels very familiar to me, almost like the feeling of home. We take off again, this time however I change it up. I test the feeling, see if it is what I know it to be. Before we happen to get caught at another stoplight I speed up and pull in front of him. After a minute or two I put on my single to turn at the next corner. He does the same. I drive some more, as he follows. Even though it's not where I was planning on going, I keep driving. The drizzle now suddenly turns into a fast rain fall, at this point. I make another turn, he makes the same one. I move into another lane, so that we are back to driving side by side. All though the now heavy rain is obstructing my view, on windows other than the front windshield, I can see his head facing me and glancing at me. I decide to take this to the next level. I get back in front of him, and pull off into an empty parking deck, out of the rain. Like he has been doing for the past several blocks, he follows suit. I pull into a space he pulls into a space on the opposite side right behind me. Let me just make this DISCLAIMER...THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, THIS IS NOT FOR AMATEURS. It takes time to get this 6th sense. I pause for a minute, wonder whether I should make the first move or him. Fortunately he makes the decision for me. He gets out of his car and makes his way over to me. I make a quick glance into my vanity mirror and check myself out, real quick. He approaches my driver window, as I'm rolling it down. I am greeted by...well not what I was expecting. I didn't know what he was. I mean I didn't know what race he was. I thought with all the glances he was black, but he wasn't black. However he didn't quite come off white either. Real quickly in my mind, I try to figure out what race he was, I was getting a blank. Not sure if it was the light in the parking deck or it being night time, or what exactly was the deal. I summed up his style instantly though...skater/alternative. He was wearing a black and white checkered hat turned backwards, with DC logo on it. I grew up with white boys like him, Skater brand, like Quiksilver. Which I believe was the logo on his shirt, but I could be wrong. Not sure what his shoes were but they looked like what Vans use to look like. He looked like someone who listens to Linkin Park, Creed, Evanescence, or maybe Nickleback perhaps. If he listens to rap, then it's that rap/rock combo type, like Gym Class Heroes or something like the Jay-Z and Linkin Park collaboration album. Then there was his size. He was kinda on the small side. I'm not talking about his height, which was 5'5/5'6 or so. That wasn't the problem, because big things can come in small packages. It was more so about his weight. I have no problem with slender or lean guys, just like I have no problem with medium, thick, or big guys, but he seemed a bit...hmm on the scraggly side. He just looked scrawny, maybe lean or maybe slim, but definitely a little on the scrawny side. He didn't exactly do it for me on the first attraction. He greets me, I'm polite and return the greeting. He gives ma a "What's up with you?" and "What's going on?" comments. I give him vague answers back..."Nothing Much" and "Just Chillin'." We finally get to the point where he tells me he was hanging out with his friends drinking, but he wasn't ready to go home yet blah blah blah. I instantly know this wasn't going anywhere, for me. Maybe sense I felt like that, I should have ended it right there. I wasn't really feeling him instantly, he wasn't my style. However I didn't end it. I decide not to be rude and say "Okay, I'm not really into you, from first impression...So bye, it's been real!" I amused the conversation for a minute, he asks to get in. I suggest we talk somewhere else, because the parking deck says, "Private, No Parking! Unauthorized vehicles will be towed." He thinks it's late and we will be fine, but is willing to follow me to where ever. I suggest we talk somewhere else. Just talk. He goes back to his car as, I drive back down the parking deck ramp. In my mind I'm thinking we will do a little talk, before I give him the ole shove off.

He follows back on to the street. We park on the side of the street. The rain is coming down now. In like 10 minutes the night has went from peaceful to as if someone opened up the sky and decided to pour buckets of water on us. The 8 second run from his car to mine, leaves him soaked to the core. He looks like he has jumped into a swimming pool. I turn the heat on a little and turn hit the heat button on the passenger seat, heated seat option, so he can dry off. In my mind I am thinking this definitely, probably won't go anywhere, now that he is wet. Since it is still up in the air about his race. On the off chance he is white, I know in a minute I'm not going to be feeling him. Since well, when white people get rained on they sorta, give off a...well...well they give off a wet potato chip...fragrance. I don't think that's racist to say that is it? I mean I know I have white readers, so I don't think that is offensive, just my opinion. I grew up in a majority white neighborhood, and whenever it rained, well the bus to school would, well...you know what nevermind. He takes off his hat, and swings his hair back. It's very dark, not black, but a deep dark brown on the edge of black. He looks different now, now sorta light Puerto Rican or maybe Dominican, however I don't get that Latin fire. He tells me his name is Dian. I throw him one of my DL alias. He tells me how he just finished dropping off one of his friends, who was to drunk to drive home. He had been celebrating Bestie or Best Friend holiday weekend. It's a holiday, where you spend all weekend with your best friends and drink. I never heard of this weekend or celebration. Sounds like something white frat boys would come up with. He tells me though after celebrating, he didn't want to go back home. He got into a horrible argument with his girlfriend earlier that afternoon, and he wasn't ready to go home to her. She apparently lives with him. She was angry, because he didn't spend the weekend with her and consider her one of his best friends. He says something that changes the vibe in the car. He tells me, that all he wants to do right now is forget about her and her drama. Dian asks me, "Can you make me forget about her?" I look at him for a second, I don't know it was the rain that was changing me or was it, what the rain did to him. I mean the rain sorta gave him a mini makeover; now with the hat gone, his hair was wet and slicked back, his shirt was clinging to his body, for everything it had. He just looked cuter suddenly. I tell him, "All I can do is try. Where do you want me to take you?" He lets me no anywhere I want to, he looks in the back-seat and he says right here if you want. He climbs over my seat, into the back. I drive off though. about a few minutes away to a parking lot. It's empty. Two apartment buildings and an office building surround it. I pull up into a dark corner underneath some trees. I sit there for a minute and look back at him. He is laying down now, looking at me. I put on a CD, The Dream's "Love vs. Money" album. I told you guys on my last Music of the Moment Post, that I got busy to that album. I jump out of my car and get into the back seat. I wasn't thrilled that he climbed over my seat, I wasn't going to do it as well. I'm wet now too, however not as wet as him. For a minute or two we just sit there, and say nothing. I try to ease the moment, by reclining the back seats. Like I've said before I have an SUV that the back-seats recline down. The third row just folds down, but the second row reclines back. I made us a bit more comfortable. He leans back sorta diagonally, against the window. Where his head is in between the window and the seat, and his body is stretched out. Well, the first thing I do is take off those wet shoes, of his. I get up and emulate his body except on top of him. As I hover over top of him, I think about how I am going to start this, but more importantly where this is going.

As I lean in to kiss his neck. The night sky lights up. Although I'm paying attention at what is before me, I can't help but wonder in the back of my mind, where this weather is coming from. It's lighting and thundering now. However I must say it really added to the moment. If anyone saw the Katherine Heigl movie, "27 Dresses," it was very much like that car scene, when their car got stuck in the mud. Heigl and her love interest, went at it in the back-seat of their car in the thundering rain. Sexy in movies, sexy in real life. You really must try it! Anyway, I'm starting off slow, I then peel off his wet shirt. I'm doing foreplay-esque like things. He then pulls my shirt off over my head. Peeling wet clothes another must do activity. After a while of...hmm 2nd base like activity, we kick it up a notch to 3rd and 4th base activity. It's hard to say when exactly but after a while, some odd behavior started to service. Not by him though, but by me. That's right I started to do some things uncharacteristic of myself. Now in my mind, I believe we had "The Talk." I mean I have "The Talk" most of the time now. Unless I am getting with someone who isn't new to me. However I'm not positive if I had "The Talk" with Dian. I try to remember if I did, but nothing is coming to memory. The reason why I question whether or not I did, is because...well, I kissed him. I don't usually kiss guys...I usually discuss that in "The Talk," but either I did and got caught up in the moment or I didn't and still got caught up in the moment. It's rare I meet someone, that I just get the urge to want to kiss them, and this was it. I'm also foggy about who o kissed who first. I think I leaned into his face, as I was kissing on his neck, and he followed through. Either way, we went to town on the kissing front. It was very...very passionate and hot. I quickly wanted his pants off, and more peeling. Let's cut to the chase, not much longer, we both were completely naked. Yes, int he back-seat of my SUV, in the parking lot of some buildings, late at night, in the thundering and lightning rain, we were completely naked. Correction I had my socks on, and he had his tongue ring. Yep, he had a tongue ring. No other piercings and tattoos, just a tongue ring. Why is it, any other race of men other than black men, can have a tongue ring, and not instantly be summed up as gay. I didn't even realize he had a tongue ring to much later in the evening. I discovered it, with all the kissing. I really didn't get much from it, when he was going down on me. I didn't get much...as Quincy would say, life from his ring, until the kising. I must say it must do more for females, than it does for guys orally. Either that or he didn't know how to use it right on a guy. I've had other people use their tongue rings on me before, and not much extra from it. I didn't have a ring and I made him quiver, when I was down south. He was pretty good though. In fact everything was pretty good. Sensuous yet animalistic. My first impression of him being scrawny wasn't exactly the most on point observation. He wasn't scrawny, just lean and thin. He was easy to flip around, and switch things up, when needed.

There was nothing heard or said, by either of us. The only sounds was from the sound of the rain falling hard on the roof of my car, and The Dream singing about sweating out his girls hair. Speaking of hair, their was a lot of hair pulling, by me. I mean I really discovered that night I am really into hair pulling. I'm sure I have done it before, maybe even several times perhaps, but I didn't notice until that night, it was my thing. His hair wasn't super long or anything, just perhaps an inch and half or two; but I loved running my hands through his hair and pulling his head back. Things went like that, from both of us. When there was a time when he had me by my wrists tightly and stretched and pulled to the side, he locked them tight as he kissed and did things. I would counter this with doing the same, except I would pull his arms behind his back. When he did it I didn't fight too hard, when I did it he couldn't do much, but submit. Hmm...good times. When we ended up in the position, where he was straddling me, as I was sitting, back to the seat and legs open; there was nothing more I wanted to do, but be inside him. However here's the thing. I was not planning on this night turning out, like it did. I didn't bring enough protection. He didn't bring it, because he leaves it at home, for him and his girlfriend. You don't know how much I wanted to put clothes on, and head to the nearest drug store or 7-eleven. He didn't want the moment to stop. I improvised on giving him the same feeling, but it wasn't the same. He felt so good in so many other ways.

As the lightning lid up the night and flash on us every so often. We would get a sexy view of what we were doing to each other. I found his spot. It wasn't hard, because it is located behind his left ear, but I found it. Unfortunately he didn't find mine, because it is hard to locate, but I utilized his. Some may wonder how did I realize I found his spot. Well, the way his body would react, whenever I would stay on it, and not relieve up. His body would shack and twitch in my arms. Now that I think about it, he may have had one ear piercing, not sure, but I think I remember playing with it in my mouth. I didn't want to use up this new power, I had over him, but it was fun to see him react, whenever I went to the ecstasy spot. Anyway like all good things, they must come to an end. And after about over half way through our second go round of The Dream CD, I started to wind down our experience. Just him straddling me and him in my arms, with our now sticky bodies embracing. He didn't seem to want to end the night. He kept saying, "I never want to stop kissing you" I would reply, "I'm sure you will reach a point, where enough is enough." However he was definitely testing what I said, because he didn't want to give it up. "He then said something that shocked me, but in my mind those things you say, when you are in the moment. He said, "It is official, you are the best kisser I have ever had." I shrugged this comment off though, replying, "I'm sure you say that to your girlfriend too." He looked me in my eyes and said "No, I don't, I can't get enough of your lips." This was making me uncomfortable, for some reason. I changed the subject, to ask him the question that had been on my mind, all night. I asked him, "What are you?...What nationality are you?" He beginned to laugh. He revealed that he gets that all the time. He tells me, "I'm Native American...I'm an Indian." I was shocked, didn't expect that answer, but the suddenly it did make sense.I tell him, that congratulations, he was my first Indian.

This lead us into a discussion about his relationship. For over an hour and a half I was his lover, for the next 45 minutes I was Dian's therapist. He started talking about what lead him to the place that night. He told me, he had, had enough of his girlfriend, and was ready to end things. He loved her, but he was starting to very much not like her. They had been together for two years. For the past year however, she was living with him. She had an argument with her parents, and moved out, and in with him. The problem now was, that she was there all the time. He felt like he was being suffocated. At 20 years old, he felt trapped. He went to school, had two jobs, a girlfriend who was in his face from the moment he got home, because he was never at home, do to the school and two jobs. Then when he got home he had no place that was his, because of her and his roommates. He had two roommates in his three bedroom apartments, but now that she was living with them now, he had no room to call his own. He basically confided, that he was coming apart, and she wasn't helping the situation. I asked him, is that was why he got with someone else. He confirmed it. He said tonight was the straw. All he wanted was to have some fun without her, and she brought more drama into his stressful life. The one question, that was on my mind, was...Why a man though, why not another girl? He told me, that he guess old feelings never die. He hadn't been with a guy since high school. That he had been faithful to his girlfriend the whole relationship. As he was telling me this, I could see a change in him. I have seen this before. The what have I just done face, was starting to reveal ugly head. That look of finally realizing what they have just done, and guilt moving in. I try to ease his mind, and tell him, that we all need our space sometimes, a place or a time, we call our own. The counselor in me comes out. I tell him he needs to talk to her about his feelings and what he needs. If she doesn't listen or things doesn't change he needs to set out time for himself, even if she doesn't know about it. I tell him though to explain to her that you having some me time will ultimately be great for their relationship. Him having me time, would allow him to be happier, and ultimately him being a happier less stressed person, will be good for their relationship. If things continue, then they will ultimately not have a relationship, especially if he find comfort in men arms. I then basically begin to teach him how to lie to her and find me time. I told Dian to tell her that he is at work or at school, on a time, when he isn't. It won't be hard for her to believe because he is supposedly always at work or school. Then he needs to take that time to either, go to the movies by himself, goto the gym, library, Miniature golfing, anything that makes him happy, but alone. He then reveals, that in his two year relationship, he isn't sure if he could lie successfully, because he has never lied. He told me not, once has he ever lied to her, maybe not told her things, but never lied. I asked what was he planning on telling her that night, because at this point it is around 3 or 4 in the morning, the rain is still coming down. He hadn't been home or called her since their fight at like 1 that afternoon. So for over 12 hours, he hadn't checked in. I knew the truth wasn't going to cut it, especially hooking up with me. He begins to kiss me again. I pull away and tell him, he needs to get home and face the music.

We get dressed. His clothes now dry. I drive him back to his car. We say our good-byes. I don't push the subject, but I offer him my number, that if he ever wants to talk, hit me up. I then do, something I rarely ever do, but it was a strange night all around. I give him my real name. I told him sorry about the other name, but that's just how I do. He questions whether lying is my thing. I don't know how to answer that. I just shrug. He runs to his car. We both pull off. I think about it for a moment, and I get him to roll down, his window. As crazy as it may seem, I tell him to double check the number I gave him. Sometimes I'm use to giving out the wrong number. He laughs, and checks it, and we go our separate ways. It doesn't bother me, it is what it is. He had a girlfriend and I knew it, and was cool with it. On the ride home I realise how crazy the night was. I'm out in the middle of the night getting my groove on buck naked, in my car, in basically a flash flood. On my way home, on the major street going the opposite of where I was coming from, the street was washed away. About 10 cars were stuck in the water, with the water around the height of their windows. Police and firetrucks trying to rescue the cars out. My side of the street was fine. I was just thinking to myself how crazy it was and the night I had, when I should have been home in the safety of my home. However I did have fun, even if I didn't expect to hear from him. I never him from him after that night, in fact.

That is until tonight. It's raining tonight, just like that night, however it's been raining for a couple days now. I'm out on a whole other side of the city, than when I met Dian. However I'm on a one way street, and I see this white two door Honda, with the big spoiler, and I think of Dian. I look at the driver and to my surprise it's him. I drive side by side him, thinking he will glance my way. He doesn't His face never strays from looking forward. When we get to the stoplight I think it's my chance to say hay to him. He quickly looks to the side, but back forward he goes. I think to myself, he must not realize it's me. I roll down my window, and give a slight honk. He then does something that surprises me. I can see his face, even through his wet window. He rolls his eyes, and looks to me. Despite that I give him a smile, and motion for him to roll down his window. He rolls the eyes for the second time, but he begrudgingly begins to roll down the window, then he stops. He looks as if he is thinking about something, then he takes his hands and waves me off harshly and rolls what little window he had down, back up. I just look at him for a minute. I'm kind put off by this. I have never got that reaction before. I just without thinking about it, just begin to nod my head, slowly. I don't break my glare, I just roll up my window. You know what I didn't want to get back with him. I just honestly wanted to say hi and see how things were working out, in his situation. If things had gotten better with the girlfriend. To me it's common courtesy to just give a hello, to a past sexual experience. It wasn't as if he was with someone, and I wanted to blow his spot up. It's like the unwritten rule, you give acknowledgment. If it ended not so well, then when you run into that experience, you just give them eye, and nothing else. I have done that. Ran into a bad ending experience at Walmart. I just gave them the eye, and likewise, nothing more nothing less. Sometimes you give a slight nod. However when you run into a good one, then you greet them; or give them the black man chin raise, when your head nods up. He dismissed me. As I looked at him, he looked at me out the side of his eyes. I looked forward and waited for my light to turn green. It was the end of our one way street, and he was turning right and I was turning right. He took off, when the light turn green. However here is the catcher, the car behind him, slowed down. I hadn't noticed the gray Avalon, but it was another past sexual conquest. I couldn't believe it, you would think I lived in a small town or something. He then gives me the head nod and follows Dian to the next stoplight. As I turned left, I looked at the two cars in my rearview mirror. Now it could be my imagination, but as I looked at the gray Avalon follow Dian from lane to lane, and finally ending up in the same left turning lane, blocks away, it hit me. I think Gray Avalon and Dian, where heading to the same place. One past sexual conquest hooking up with another. In my mind I was glad. After Dian dissed me, he deserved gray Avalon. With his lousy in bed self. As petty as it sounds, I kept thinking about how I am so much cuter than gray Avalon, with such a better personality. It wasn't the lazy, trifling sex that turned me off from him, is was his smug attitude that did it. We hooked up twice. On the second time, he had a new car. I asked him about it, and he gave me this bs, about how he was balling, with multiple cars, and how he needed to get rid of a couple of them, for tax purposes. It was comments like that, which really turned me off. That and the fact he was really extremely lazy in the sack. He blamed it all the time on the alcohol. I sorta blame it on his size, because he was a really big guy. How hope he crushes Dian.
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All the way home, I couldn't help but feel hurt. I can't explain it. I was fine with it just being an extremely hot one night sexual experience, but his attitude to night, hurt me. However that was the bad part, it was my anger. Not at Dian, but at my self. I was so angry, that I was getting upset at someone I barely knew or gave a flying flip about. No matter how much I talked to myself I couldn't let my feelings go. It felt as if, someone kicked me in the stomach. The more I tried not to be upset by this, the more I got angry, that I couldn't let it go.

Then it hit me. I started to think about it all. Tonight, the night I gave up sucking dick, that crazy ex Con, who kept calling me his girl, the married guy, who I haven't really talked about, Von and his recent bull shit, and it all from this year, and last year, so on. I realize I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. I really am. I'm all bull shit out. I mean I use to be able to take it as much as I dished it, but now I'm not dishing it out, and now I can't take it anymore. I just need a break from it all. I need space from this world. I need a break from these men. Now I'm not saying I'm going to be celibate or give up sex all together. No need to back myself into goals, I can't accomplish. All I'm saying is I need a rest from it all. I need a break. Maybe it was meant to be to hear about everyone else's long sex breaks. Maybe it's time I devoted that energy somewhere as. Time to but this area in a box for now.

I'm not your Girl...I'm not the Woman...I'm not the Bitch

2009-10-22T05:18:00.000-04:00

It's weird how a subject seems to pop up and show it's face, multiple times in your life, around the same time. Well, this is how this post was developed. All these things seemed to happen in the same week or so.

So it all started when I'm watching "Brothers and Sisters" with, Momma Dearest, my mother. Well, we are watching the show and the two men, who are the gay couple have a scene and they are arguing about something. Out of no where Momma Dearest asks, "So which one is the Man and which one is the Woman?" I know what she is talking about, but set on trying to ignore it, I answer it honestly as I can, trying to shut it down where this is heading. I reply "I don't know what you are talking about, they both are men." Well, maybe not as honestly as I could, but enough where maybe she gets my point. However she doesn't. She then replies, "You know what I mean. Which one is playing the woman and which one is playing the man?" I still don't pull myself into the conversation, so I reply again, "No I don't know what you are talking about. I see two men there, Mom." She rolls her eyes and gives me a sigh, like she is an expert on these things. She then goes into explaining these "types" of situations. So she says, "In these types of situations, there is always one person playing the woman and one playing the man. You know what I'm talking about, like with lesbians, one is the man and one is the woman." I say something, hopefully that will shut down this stupid conversation, kinda of an awkward one for me at that. I reply, "Mom, if You can't figure out which one is the man and which one is the woman, then guess what?...they both are men." She just gives me a look, like why does my son have to be so difficult.

Here's the thing...why can't two men, just be two men who are romantic or having sex? Why does one or the other have to be considered "The Man" in the relationship and the other man considered, "The Woman"?

Here's the thing as frustrating as it is. I really can't be angry at her ignorance. That's what it is, just plain ole fashion ignorance. I mean when I think about it. She is only basing her knowledge on the only two OPENLY gay men she knows. She may know many, but she don't know she knows they are gay. Moving on... She is only basing her knowledge on the two actually open gay men, she has had a frequent acquaintance with. Coincidentally, both from her hair salon experience. The first guy, I believe his name was Arthur. Well, Momma Dearest used to go to this salon that Arthur used to do hair at. Not sure if he owned it or not, but he did hair there. He wasn't Momma Dearest hairdresser, I think he had the chair next to her normal hairdresser at the time. Anyway Arthur was a bit on the feminine side. He used to where some woman's appeal occasionally. If he wore men's clothing...well it just seemed to wear differently on him, than your average guy. He used to wear his hair in finger waves and wet n' wavy. You get the time period I am giving you, like mid 90s. Anyway Arthur and his boyfriend got married, or well had a civil ceremony, during the time my Mom used to go to his salon. Although my Mom didn't go to the wedding, she did see the pictures that was taken. Arthur had his full wedding party picture framed and on the wall near his chair. Now as I stated Arthur was a bit feminine, and in his relationship, his boyfriend was more masculine than Arthur. In the wedding, Arthur's future husband wore a black tuxedo, and Arthur being the feminine one out of the two, opted for something more traditional than a white tuxedo. Something on the lines of a big white wedding dress with a huge train and a head piece. It didn't quite end there either. The groomsmen wore traditional black tuxedos, and well Arthur's bridesmaids, wore traditional pink gowns. The only non traditional element was that not all of Arthur's bridesmaids were women. Half were men as well. So you have the "bride" in her virginal white gown along side his groom, and his bridesmaids and "bridesmen". Unfortunately Arthur died a couple years later. Either form Aids related complications or from domestic abuse. I can't remember exactly which one it was. I know his husband gave him Aids, because he was unsafely and unprotected cheating on him, and his husband was physically abusing him badly as well. Either way he died from the relationship. The other gay man, my Mom knows is, from the hair salon she attends now. I will say this he does dress like a man, however it's only 25 to 30 percent of the time though. That's right the other 70 to 75 percent of the time it's as a woman with a different name I believe. I could be wrong though could be the same name for both persona's. He is a professional musician. When he is working and playing music he is a man, strictly for the job. when he comes to the shop dressed as a man, then you know he must be off to a gig or to do something music related, at the church. He also is a lead musician at a big church. The church found out about his other life, and had an instant intervention at his house, and prayed and "delivered him from his wicked and sinful ways." He then gave them all of his sinful female clothes and wigs. However all he really gave them was his old hair and clothes that he wouldn't dare be caught in the street in. He only rocks the "new new." Anyway, any other time...which is whenever he leaves the house, he is in full drag...wig, makeup, stiletto heels...the whole nine! I mean the one time I saw him. He had this long brown hair in a bun, with a pink fur head wrap, Baby Phat jeans, pink timberland stiletto boots, with pink fur at the top of the boots, and some pink top with pink fur as well. She was ghetto chic, all pinked out like she had been to a Cam'ron garage sale. He had some thug boyfriend too, because as you can guess she was the feminine one.

I mean these are my mom's reference to what gay life is like. So it's no wonder she thinks that in all gay situations there must be a woman and a man. Here's the thing. She's not alone. It seems to be everywhere. This referring, calling or saying that one of the men in a homosexual situation is the woman, in the relationship. However I can't deny I have been there too. I have had the same thoughts running through my mind in certain situations. However now, it's beginning to be so frustrating, to hear.

Here's the deal. It all comes down to us putting traditional heterosexual roles and ideals, onto homosexual...I don't know...way of life? In complete heterosexual roles, we have a tendency of defining what is the female role and the male role. The sort of "You hunt it and I cook it" mentality. The belief that the man goes out and makes the money and the woman tends to the home. Now granted this is not the way of life for many now. Situations vary and are different all over the board now. However we still have this attachment to the traditions. If one person in a homosexual situation happens to be softer or more gentle, maybe likes to cook, cleans well, more concerned about the way they look, sensitive, then most are quick to think well theses are more characteristics associated with a female; then they must be the woman, in their homosexual involvement. If a person seems to be harder, tougher, rugged, more of the provider, likes sports, more of the leader in the situation, more thuggish or manly in some fashion, then people tend to associate that with characteristics of men, therefor they must be the Man. I've thought this myself. When I had my first date with a man...which by the way I think I will be telling in the near future, because it regards someone I want to really talk about on my blog, so look out for that. Anyway when I went on my first date with a man, I kept trying to remind myself, that I am not the woman. I never wanted to come off as the woman in the date. Whether it came to opening doors for me, paying, anything...I never wanted to be considered the woman.

There is this new show on HBO, called "Bored to Death" Its about a writer, Jonathan, who is blocked, so he decides to become an unlicensed detective on Craigslist; to unblock his writers' block. Anyway the show is cute for what it is, but the real funny element to the show is Ted Danson's character, George. Each week Ted Danson character is getting himself in some situation to get a girl, or to maintain a young girl. One week he was on hiatus from women, because one gave him herpes on his lips. Anyway George is a neurotic late 50s something, functioning alcoholic pot head, who is the Editor and Chief, for a major magazine. Well do to the recession, magazine sales and subscriptions has gone down; however the biggest hit is coming from the women. His female subscriptions are down 30 percent. So what does he opt to do, instead of getting more female writers and articles like suggested to him?...he decides to become gay. His therapist advises him to become gay, in order to get in touch with his feminine side. The theory is that women like gay men, they feel comfortable and can relate to them, so in order to increase his female subscriptions, he needs to become gay. He doesn't decide to take slow steps in the baby pool. He decides to jump head first into the deep in of the pool, i.e. have sex with a man. As George is discussing his decision to become gay, he makes it seem okay to be gay, by referring that the great British and American actor he admires, Lawrence Olivier was in a gay relationship with another great American actor, Danny Kaye. As they are talking the subject comes up by Jonathan, in regard to the two actors preference. He asks George, "As old fashion as this may sound, which actor do you think was the 'woman' in the relationship?" Without missing a beat Ted Danson's character says Danny Kaye. His reasoning being because Danny Kaye could do so many accents. He could be a different woman for Lawrence Olivier every night of the week. However before this comment I think they were also referring to the fact that Danny Kaye was the Singer, Dancer Comedian, and Lawrence Olivier was the serious dramatic actor. Later on, in the show when George decides to hookup with a black gay escort he found online. He chickens out in having sex, but he does decides to spoon with the black guy, after the escort compliments his looks. Later on we see, the black escort being the one on the outside spooning George from behind, as George gets a phone call from Jonathan. When asked about how it all was going, he tells John, "That I'm no Danny Kaye, if you know what I mean?" Basically saying I'm no woman. Here is the ironic part, is sorta was the woman in the situation, by his earlier definition. He was the one with his butt in the crotch of the escort as he was spooning him.

This brings me to my next point. Most have a tendency to associate the physical sex as regards to being the "Man" and being the "Woman". Once again there is this placement of putting traditional heterosexual sex on to the homosexual sex. I'm only going to talk about two men in the particular regards, because...well, I'm not a lesbian, and don't know to much about what they do. I mean I can only imagine eat each other out. I don't know what could be considered a "man" role and a "woman" role. I can only guess that maybe the "man" is the only who is fingering or using the strap on, to do the other woman, but you know not sure about all of the intricacies of lesbian sex, so use your imagination on that one. I do know a thing or two about two men getting down, and I think we all can understand how labels of the man and the woman can improperly be placed. It all comes down to...how can I put this delicately...it comes down to, whose pitching and whose the catcher. I don't know how else to put it. Here's my thing, just because a man prefers to...uh catch, whatever is pitched to him, doesn't make him "the Woman." Same goes for the pitcher; just because he likes or prefers to pitching...things, doesn't make him "the man." However people think because a man penetrates a woman's coochie, and one man may penetrate another guy, then he is "the woman," being penetrated by "the man." Now I will say this, that very well may be the situation for some. I mean there maybe be a tad bit smoke to where that fire is. However that is not always the situation. For example online I met this person on one of the sex sites who was a transsexual. They lived their life as a woman, however they hadn't had the final operation to get...Mister Johnson cut off, because well they only liked to pitch things...and let me say from the picture I saw they had a huge...pitching arm. They were not into catching things. However we are not going to go into all of that...I just feel that is another topic for another day.

I'm not sure where this characterization comes from, but I personally feel it stems from men in prison. Now let me go into my next example from this week. It comes from the new show on Fox, called "The Cleveland Show." I know y'all are thinking dang Young, how many shows are you watching. Look it's the Fall going into Winter. It's time to put the late nights to rest, and watch some good television, don't hate. It's a spin-off of "Family Guy." It has the voices of both Sanaa Latham's voice as the Mom, and Nia Long as the voice of the bratty 16 year old daughter, however only for the first 14 episodes, then they replaced her voice with the another actress, they say Nia Long voice was too mature. Anyway, on this week's episode, Cleveland for some reason gets arrested. He is only in jail for a couple hours, before his wife, Sanaa Lathams character picks him up from jail. She is so turned on, by him being an ex con and locked up, even for a couple hours, she has to have him immediately. So she pulls over on the side on the road, and Cleveland makes the comment he wants to do it prison style. He then tells his wife he wants to be on the bottom, he wants to be the "girl" first. The funny part being he is with his wife, how can he be the girl first. Sounds familiar from what I was saying above.

Okay now this where the post is going to officially get long, if not already. However this is where those you are reading stamina is low, This is where you can move on. I think you get sorta where I am going with this post. I'm now going to go into one last example of why...If I had not made it clear, I'm not the girl or the woman. I'm about to go into a real life situation from this week, as some may already know. Those stories can get pretty long, not sure how long this one will be, so you are more than free to end your reading pleasure here, for those of you who want me to go on here it is.

Okay I'm really going to make this short and sweet...or to the best in my abilities. This past week, before watching, "The Cleveland Show" episode. I met this guy near Von's house. I was visiting or meeting him, I just happened to be in Von's area. Anyway I met this guy at a chicken joint. We made eye contact and what not. Nothing serious, we talked for a bit, while we waited...blah blah blah. He left first then I. He was on a bicycle....yes not a bike, but a bicycle. He kept falling over. The way he was falling, you would think he was drunk riding, but I talked to him earlier, he wasn't drunk. The last fall, had me cracking up, because he was riding and fell over side ways into a brick wall. I pulled up beside him, still right near the chicken joint, and asked him, was he okay. He smiled and told me yeah, but then said, "If you want you can give me a ride home. To be honest I wasn't really in any kind of mood to give someone a ride. I just wanted to go home at this point. However I looked at him for a minute, and really judged the situation, and agreed. He puts his bicycle in the cargo area, of my SUV. He gave me the directions to his apartment. When we got there, it was less than a block or so away from the chicken spot. I told him, he could have walked his bike there, from where we was at. I mean it took more time to put the bike in my trunk, than it took for us to get to his place. I asked him, why did he even ask me to give him a lift. He told me it was an excuse to see where my head was at. When I questioned what he was talking about, he then asks me inside. I tell him, I told know him, and not going inside his place, and I just met him. So he does the name thing, where he is from blah blah this, blah blah that, he asks me questions...really concerned about where I was from and who I knew int hat area. He of course got the fake name, and don't know a soul in the area, was just in the hood for chicken. He then informs me know I know him, I can come in. I decide what the hell and go inside with him to see where this is going. When we get inside his small apartment. He offers me a seat and something to drink. I decline the drink and take a seat. Right off back ole boy waste no time, in telling me the rest of his life history. The first of many crazy things he tells me, is how long it has been since he has made love to a girl. A year or so. I'm like what does this have to do with me. He tells me how he was once married, now divorce. She divorced him, because of some trouble he got into. He then informs me, how he was arrested for armed robbery. I asked him, what did he rob, he then informs me he robbed a bank. He then tells me that was the past, and he doesn't want to talk about that. He wants to talk about how he senses something different about me, how he wants to make love to me. This freaks the hell out of me. I mean I kinda got that he got down with men, when he asked me in, but this asking me to make love, freaked the hell out of me. I tell first of all it wouldn't be making love, because there is no love, it would be sex. Then I tell him things are moving to fast for me. I mean I know my history of how fast I move, but he doesn't, and I'm not sure I am feeling him. There is something sexy about him, but still I'm not really feeling him. I ask him how long he was in jail. He then tells me 18 years. This shocked me. He told me around year 8 is when his wife divorced him. I mean can you blame her. Apparently because he never turned in the money or told the police where it was at, they gave him the max time. He then says something that stops me in my tracks. He compliments me on something, but addresses me as "babygirl." At first I though I heard him wrong, then he calls me it again. I tell him, I'm a man, don't call me "babygirl." He tells me that's what he calls the girls he gets with. I'm a little in shocked, because I can't figure out what about me he would think would justify him calling me a girl. We move on. I have a theory about mean who serve time so I ask him about how long it took him, before he had sex in jail. He tells me 9 years. This sorta blows my theory, until he tells me the reason why, because he was in solitaire confinement for most of the first 9 years he was in jail. I asked him why was he in solitaire, so much. He tells me, because of the guys he murdered in jail. Okay this is when I wanted to get up running out. He goes into telling things was different in prison during the late 80s early 90s time, and he did what he had to do...and blah blah blah. He said the beast in him, didn't end until the white man, decided to distract him, with sex. The decided to put a young tender thing as his cell mate, and the rest was history. He became a lover not a fighter. I ask him how old he was, he had a problem with telling me this. Thought I would up and leave if I found out he was 45. This he was worried about all the men he killed he thought was nothing. I really wanted to leave at this point. However I;m not going to lie, I was a bit scared. I felt like I started to see something crazy in his eye. Maybe I was just seeing things after he disclosed all the men he killed, or maybe it was some really craziness. I mean lets be real no matter if a person turned over a new leaf, once they have killed, aren't you always on that edge, like if they killed once, they could do it again. We had "The Talk," and I basically summed up, we were not into the same things. I mean he was strictly in wanting me to get screwed by him, and suck his dick. None of that was happening. I explained to him, that we are not compatible for anything, and I should go. He then tells me that it has been over a year or two since he has held something and cuddle with someone like me, and he needed something soon to settle the beast inside.

You know what this story is getting to long, and I'm tired of writing so...I might come back and finish the story later on this post, maybe not... You tell me if I should....

Long story short crazy prison in his twisted mine. Thought I was the "girl" to his man. I wasn't Kept telling him....he kept not getting it. His thinking continued to the end that there has to be a woman and a man in any situation, and I was the "girl" he wanted. His bitch... I wouldn't and wasn't...the end.

My point is maybe it's human nature to associate, traditional hetero roles onto homo roles...some maybe cool with that, I'm not the end, have a nice day.

I will say this one last thing. While trying to find pics for this post on google...I think I need a new place to find cool pics...any advice?...
Anyway I stumbled on this one pic of a person that looked familiar. Then it hit me, it was a picture of fellow blogger ShawnQT of a Dreams In a Fitted, What was odd was the pictures was of a post from early 2007 of him and his friends and boyfriend at the time Fuzzy. In one picture, how can I say this, without putting myself in a corner. Okay in one picture....uh that one was the..uh ruh pitcher and one was the uh catcher, but if you have read Fuzzy's blog you would think otherwise....nevermind...hmmm, Sorry Fuzzy and ShawnQT. Like I say I think we all go to that place where our minds take us there on this particular subject, of well labeling people.

By the way I also find it interesting I stumbled on this post, about ShawnQT and his friends who are like a family, in this post....and here we are a few years later and Fuzzy is talking about how the friendships are not the same anymore. It's weird how life brigns up these sunjects and coincedences all at the same time.

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea...

2009-10-09T03:15:00.001-04:00

Okay I wanted to address a few things, that was on my mind. I was actually inspired by Mariah Carey's song "Obsessed." I actually stated a post, about this song, when it first came out. The whole Eminem and Mariah battle of the words, kinda inspired some thoughts and feelings, but I didn't finish it, and it got to the point everyone had moved on from the whole situation. Well I might revisited aspects on that original post later on, but there is some things I want to say first.

Now I was going to leave this a lone, but I really want to talk about the blog life. I'm not really sure, where I'm going to go with this, so this is going to sorta be just free writing. Since I don't exactly know how to go into this discussion, I will just start with myself. I went into blogging as a sorta release for myself. I keep a lot of feelings and personal experiences to myself. Some of us have that go to person, that you tell everything too, that knows all that goes on with you and your life. They give you advice, they chastise you, they lift you up when you are down, they are your best friends who you share your life with. Some don't tell anything to anyone. They keep things locked, like a safe. Some just keep it to themselves and some may only write it down for themselves in a personal journal. Well I would say, I'm a combination of these two. There is an aspect of my life I talk to people about, and then I have one aspect of my life, where I don't talk about it at all, and quite frankly I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it. So I talk those feelings and experiences, and that is what makes up this blog. It is my sorta release. It is my outlet....anyway I have discussed that before, so moving on. Anyway over time, it sorta developed into, me sharing my story. My experience and what I go through, with others...however...

I want to say this, and I really don't know how to say this in any other diplomatic way, that this. Believe it or not, I try very much to be diplomatic in the way I say things and express myself...well maybe some in blog world, would disagree, but offline, I'm very diplomatic, let me tell you. Well any here goes...JUST BECAUSE YOU READ MY BLOG, DOESN'T MEAN YOU KNOW ME. There you have it, plan and simple. I think that goes for any blogger on any blog. At this moment I feel very Maury Povich guest right now...saying "You don't know me...You don't know me!!"

Let me explain. If anyone remembers MTV, use to have this show called "Diary". The show was about showing the everyday life of some celebrity for a short period of time, as they narrated their experiences and their life. They always started the show with the phrase..."You think you know, but you have no idea." In that you think you know them, but you have no idea who they really are. I think we read some one's blog everyday...of course I'm not talking about me, y'all lucky if you get a couple post a month, but there are bloggers who do post faithfully everyday, sometimes multiple times a day...anyway we read some one's post everyday, we look forward to it, can't wait to see what next they have to say or write. We read some of their life experiences, and we read some of their opinions on pop culture or political news. We read about something funny their kids say, or something crazy that happen in their life at work, and we start to develop feelings. Feelings, that we know this person. Feelings that because we are reading thoughts and feelings, that we know the blogger, because they have let us into, a piece of their life. However reality is unless we personally know them face to face,like some do have those types of relationships, withother bloggers, we don't REALLY know them.

I understand how, we may feel that way, but that's not realistic. I read all the post about O that Southern Gal has to write about her son. And all his funny antics and things he has to say... and I read about Buttahfly's children and her knitting, that she loves, I read about all of Pimpusique's sexual adventures...and Q and his crazy weekends in DC and Corey and his relationship with Parker in ATL...and so on and so. But does that mean we know them?

I don't think so, personally. A couple weeks ago Southern Gal, revealed that she hadn't had sex in a year in a half. This opened the door for several women to reveal they hadn't had sen in this and that length of time. You couldn't have told me, that Southern Gal wasn't having sex. I would have told you..."You are lying!" Another poster, that I think I have been reading their blog for over a year, real quickly mentioned their son, in a post. I was a little amazed how everyone seemed to ignore that little bit of info. Now I have read some of the most intimate, and sexual details of their life, in their blog, and I don't think...I could be wrong...but I don't think they ever mentioned having children. I actually meant to email them, what was up with that and since when did they have a son, but I forgot...well procrastinated to long, to where I forgot. Next there was this other blogger, who mentioned a little detail about their health, that shocked me. I also had been reading their blog for a very long time. Through a few relationship breakups and financial issues, and so on, but never had they every talked about this health issue. As soon as I read the post, I emailed them, to find out if I was reading the post correctly. They didn't come out and say it directly in the post, but it was sorta snicked into the post. They told me the story behind it, and how the health issue developed, and quite frankly it was a very tragic story, to me. It is a very personal situation, and it's their peragative if they tell the whole situation. I personally don't think they have to go public or should about their experince in order for someone to show respect towards them.

Well, what got me, was what came next, and well sorta how this post came to develop. It started from the comment section of this particular blogger's post. I'm going to give you the actual comments, with the comments that was irrelevant omitted.

Anonymous said...
I HOPE U DIE OF H.I.V YOU SELFISH, PATHETIC EXCUSE 4 A HUMAN BEING...NOW SUCK ON THAT BITCH!!!

My friend blogger said...
lmao, so I'm trying to think do I want to stoop to the level that anonymous has stooped to, which is immature. lmao So I'm going to act like an adult and hold my peace! Especially since I know the one that made the comment. Like its not obvious...

Anonymous said...
THIS NIGGA BE TRIPPING ON DICKS LIKE THERE`S NO TOMORROW...WAT A FAGGOT!..I WANNA KNOCK A CUP UP HIS ASS...IT`S TOM BITCH.
COME AND SEE ME
http://realitybong.wordpress.com/

What I yours truly YB&DL said...
See this is why I don't let Anonymous people comment on my blog. People always got something to say, when hiding behind the Anonymous mask.

I have said some things on some blogs and post, somethings, that are not the nicest, but always do it under my Screen name. If you not bold enough to say it under your screen name or REAL blog, then get old school, and don't say anything at all!

Both of those Anonymous comments, sound personal...I'm sorry.

The first comment calling you selfish...hmmm The second comment, is claiming to be a white racist named Tom...the strange part about that is most racist white men, call blacks NiggER, and when a black person calls a fellow black person, they call them NiggA, like Anonymous 2 here has done. In fact that whole statement sounded like a black person..."This nigga be trippin on dick, like there is no tomorrow"...hmmm, yeah that doesn't exactly sound like an old racist white man, does it?

My Friend Blogger, I chatted to you about this yesterday, however after reading these comments, I see where you maybe coming from now!

In my opinion this sounds like some bitter people, who you have been acquainted with, in your life. Perhaps an ex or two, I don't know. I seriously doubt this racist has been reading your blog, waiting for a chance to say something like this on it!

Miss Z said... (that's what I'm choosing to call him)
I SAID IT BITCH...IT`S Z AKA THE MELTDOWN BITCHLEADER AKA SOUTHERN STAR...AND I STILL STAND BY MY COMMENTS...U ARE A SELFISH, PATHETIC EXCUSE 4 A HUMAN BEING...GOING AROUND SPREADING H.I.V...GOING AROUND WITH UR LOSS ASS...THINKING IT`S CUTE BUT BITCH IT AINT..I`VE BEEN READING UR BLOG 4THE PAST WEEKS AND U`RE FULL OF SHIT STR8 UP..&..UNLIKE UR FELLOW BLOGGERS I`M NOT GONNA BE KISSING ON UR ASS..U`RE JUST NASTY AND I HOPE U DIE SOON...
ZXX

What I, yours truly YB&DL said...
I'm going to say this last comment, then I'm over this post.

We never know what people have been through, or what their real experiences are. most of us don't know the real blogger. We get a glimpse,into them, through their blog, but we don't know everything or every experience about them.

So when we ASSUME, such ignorant and stupid things, never more do you truly make an ASS of U and ME!

however we also have to take into consideration, that at the end of the day, it's a child, making these comments. Now some are mature at that age, but a lot especially boys of that age, don't have the sense God gave them yet.

Some people don't have anything to wake up in the morning for, but to hate on someone else.

So let's all just leave it at that.

What I will lastly say is this, if you don't l ike a blogger or like what they have to say, then guess what?...Don't read their blogs, and and you won't have to deal with what they have to say!

If I don't like a blogger, or what they have to say, I don't read or vist their blog.

Miss Z said...
I JUST DONT GET IT, WHERE DID SELF-RESECT GO...KNOWIN THAT U HAVE H.I.V,YOU DECIDE SPREAD IT AROUND JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT...IT`S JUST SELFISH AND EVIL!!!
ZXXX

Miss Z said...
@ YBandDL Bad PYT In the Closet at Hearbreak Hotel....CALL ME WHATEVER AS LONG I KNOW...I`M NOT ON THE DOWNLOW OR SPREADING AIDS LIKE YOU MUTHERFUCKERS!!!
ZXXX

Let me just say this, in this particular post, he was talking about how him and a particular person was getting really hot and heavy, but before things go to hot, he had to tell them his health status. He revealed his health status, and never mentioned having unprotected sex.Well after that Miss Z has then went onto say several more things to me and about me on my blog and other blogs. I have deleted the comments permanently from me blog. A reader of my blog, non commenter, told me to delete all of the comments. They told me don't give someone like that a voice on your blog to speak hatred to you. I deleted and they came back hard the next day saying the same thing over and over like 10 times. Therefore what provoked me to install the comment approval device. I personally, don't like that. I think a lot of comments are fueled by what other comments are, and you the blog host may not approve comments in time. However I now understand why certain blogs have the approval system, to halt such negative slander. I am always up for a debate or a challenge of words, but when you say hateful things, with no motivation of learning from the experience or growing, then I'm out.

Here is my long ass explanation for this entire post... We think that by reading people's blog and getting basically a glimpse into them, and a little bit of who they are, that we have the whole picture. That we have the right to judge them. I'm not saying I haven't judge anyone or what they had to say, because that would be a lie. I have very much done that, to certain people. I have judge the situation, to the extent of me emailing them my views. However that doesn't make it right. One thing I haven't done though is personally attacked them, maybe actions, but never as if I know the whole story of who they are. I think as far as my blog goes and everyone Else's, there is more to the story, than what we read, so take that into consideration.

You never know what someone has been through, or what really makes them up!

Let me also just say this. Yes you read about my sexual experiences and sometimes those personal things, that I feel I can't share with others in my life...but that doesn't mean. You know it all. One of those things is, just because I have sex with men, and I have Down Low in my title doesn't mean I am having raw unprotected sex, with every man and woman. Let's just get that straight.

-------------------------------------

Well, anyway back to Mariah Carey's song Obsessed. I actually feel a lot of the lyrics aply to me and "Miss Z."

"You on your job, you hatin’ hard
Ain’t gon feed you, I'ma’ let you starve...

When everybody knows it’s clear that you’re upset with me...

You a mom and pop, I’m a corporation
I’m the press conference, you a conversation...

Why you wasting your time?...

Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
See right through you like you’re bathin’ in windex..."

That's all I'm going to say on that

I'm Not Sucking Dick Anymore in 2009!!

2009-09-23T08:28:00.001-04:00

I wrote this the other night when I came home, so sorry it it's a bit graphic and detailed, than usual!

So I'm just coming in for the night, and I have made up my mind, that I'm officially not sucking anymore dick this year. It's a wrap I tell you. I just don't want to do it anymore. It's officially not in me anymore, or at least this year.

Let me say this. I like sucking dick. I'm not ashamed to say that, well at least not on my blog that is. In the past I have enjoyed sucking dick...well at least don't mind it. However I like getting my dick sucked more, let me get that straight, right now. Overall though I like engaging in oral sex. I get it, for some oral sex is very personal, and you do it with people you really like. For some sex or intercourse is very personal. For some everything is open market. Well, anyway I like oral sex, however this year...hmm not so much. I just haven't been into giving oral sex as much. I don't know why, but it has started to feel more like a job, than well for pleasure. I mean it really has started to feel like a "blow job," than just another sexual outlet. It feels like a task, that I need to do do have an overall enjoyable experience. I do it, because I like my partner to be satisfied, as much as I do. I like being considered a good lover. A good lover wants their partner to have an enjoyable experience as much as they do. However, lately if I don't have to I choose not to do it. I mean I have found myself, saying and telling many guys, I don't do that, sorry I don't go down. Other times I have done it, well...just because...as childish as that may sound.

But now, I'm not sucking anymore dick. I'm just not. It's September now, and I feel it's a wrap for the year. I will reevaluate the issue in January.

Well, let me tell you what happen tonight. So I'm with this guy, and he talking all this, I don't want to be alone tonight blah blah blah...I want your company tonight...no I need you company blah blah blah. After this I know it's official that he gets down. Before this, wasn't so sure. So after this I decide to have "The Talk." "The talk" is what I do, when I'm with a new sexual partner. It gets certain maters cleared up first, before anything pops off. Some may think its un-sexy or whatnot, like some view talking about sexual protection is, but just like that, "The Talk" it's very necessary for me. I'm not going to lie, it's like a very informal job interview. What do you expect from me, what do I expect from you sexually...I'm into this, what are you into...I don't do this, and I don't do that... I do this sexually, but that's not happening tonight...those are some of things discussed in "The Talk." I know some people think you should just let things flow organically, but been there, done that. Not for me. I have been in the position, where things got all heated up, and I find out to late that something was expected or that they don't do something, that I may need, and it such becomes frustrating for both parties. I now avoid all of that. Well at least I try. I mean everything isn't for everybody! I understand that. Well, I take that back, some guys can flow like that...some girls can flow like that. They are down for just about whatever. I am not like that. Plain and simple. I have restrictions, and I have had partners with restrictions. I say get it all out up front.

It's like having a rough draft of what's about to pop off. It's not a final draft. Things can change, but is a outline of what is to come. You can veer off of the outline a bit, switch things up, but you do not go off the page! You stay on the outline page, that was initially set up. It's like in sports, you have a game play. Your coach goes over with you the play, what position is suppose to do what, and move where, and anticipate what from the other team. The key word is ANTICIPATE, you can plan all you want, but you never know what the other team is going to do, until you are out on that field or court. The outline for us tonight night was no intercourse. He gave me all of this he was a Top and he don't let guys around his booty, and yada yada yada. That was cool with me, because he wasn't getting up in me, so that was cool. We talked about the other details, he said he does everything else...uh huh! Well that was a lie.

So we get busy. Everybody gets naked. The game starts. Right off of back, he veers off from the outline. I mean I doing what we discussed, a little foreplay. I mean I am doing those arousal type uh things. Well, when it's my turn the suddenly, "I don't lick nipples or suck nipples, or do any of those foreplay type of things." He does no kissing of the neck, no caressing anything. Tells me he don't lick anything above the waist, or below the dick! See I should have stopped things right there. This was not mentioned in "The Talk." This was not apart of his what I do not do list. He said he was down for whatever, except for his booty. Now I mentioned I don't kiss on the mouth. I put that out there. I was upfront. I kiss everywhere else, but not that. That's real personal For ME. I think this year I have only kissed 3 or 4 people. I have to really like you or be feeling you for that. I was not feeling him, so it was a no go on that. However foreplay was suppose to be on the outline, the game play, the menu. I kinda need foreplay. Right then and there I should have shut things down, but I just rolled my eyes and kept it moving. I gave a little oral, he then gives a little oral. He wasn't bad. i men it was certainly not the best I ever had, but he was decent. Was going to get the job done. I don't like monotonous. I switch things up, flip him back on his back. I'm going down, then suddenly he springs out the "Come to my butt" move. This is when a guy spreads his legs apart while at the same time slightly raising his pelvic area; with a result of his thighs elevated and his legs spread apart. Some may actually raise there legs into the air. When on their stomach then the only difference is the butt raises high in the air. Now if you remember he said no booty action, yet again here he goes off of the game plan, that was discussed. However I kept things moving. I got the couple necessary things to make things easy and safely travel in. Although, I'm not sure I need those lubricants all that much. I mean homeboy, was quite easy to slide my fingers into. I mean some its a challenge to get one finger in, and they remain comfortable. For this nigga to be such a strict Top and "nobody messes with my booty," things moved quite easily. I mean homeboy took not one, not two, but three fingers, without a flinch. I feel extremely awkward being so graphic...well graphic for me, but anyway let me get to the extreme frustrations.

I worked my tail off, to get this nigga off. I mean I don't know how it evolve into this this big challenge to get this nigga off. He took so much. One by one, he kept adding this he needed me to do simultaneously. I think it got to a point I wanted to get him off, so I can then get off, and go home. So at one point I had one hand up in him while pulling hard on his balls, and with the other hand jacking him off, while going down on him. I mean I was multi tasking like a mug. It felt like forever to get this Mofo off. Every time I would stop because, I was getting tired, he would whine, and say its like starting all over trying to get to his climax. As I am typing this I am mad as hell, at MYSELf, as to why I kept on working. It felt like I was working my ass off. I mean I was. I was sweating like a field nigga. He would whine when ever I stopped to wipe the sweat off my face. I mean my seat was literally blinding me, it was falling so much. It wasn't like it was hot, I was just working that hard. Finally after God knows, how long he cums. He goes to the bathroom to clean up, and I just lie there.

He comes back and then suddenly, he like, so when you going home. I was like as soon as you get me off.I right then knew things was going to get crazy, when he gets this frown on his face...like he freaking Gary Coleman, with his "What you talking about Willis?" look. He starts talking about he thought I came, and he thought I had my climax. I simply reply, "When...when did I have this climax?...when I was getting his greedy tail off?" He then starts with the hemming and hawing, about how he has to get up in the morning, and get his clothes ready, and take his shower, and its already really late he only has a few hours to sleep, blah, blah, blah. At this point I getting angry pretty fast. I ask where was all of that, when he was talking about not wanting to be alone tonight and needed company, he wasn't talking about work then. Let me just cut to the chase. As the debate goes on. I suddenly become the Incredible Hulk, the other side of me is taking loose. I'm frustrated now. I'm at this point where I can't believe he going to leave me hanging like this. He sees my anger, and his little thug ass, starts baby I'm going to make it up to you, I promise. I tell him like it is....I WASN'T EVER PLANNING ON GETTING WITH HIM AGAIN, SO WHEN EXACTLY WAS HE PLANNING ON MAKING IT UP TO ME? Truth is this was just suppose to be a one night thing. He had no potential for this to be extended to anything more.

So fed up I get dress ready to go home, when I see he getting dress to. I ask him where was he going, when he replied that he was out of cigarettes, to get some. The Hulk lost his shirt then. I mentioned those same things he just said, about I thought you had to get up in for work in a few hours, had to get your work clothes together, take a shower, and whatnot. He tells me that's different. I then try to reason with him...yes the things you do when you are sexually frustrated. You know what I don't even think it was that. I think I was upset that I had put out some serious work, to get him off, and he has come up short on his end. I know it's my fault, I shouldn't have done it, but at that moment I was angry with him. I try to reason with him, like I have done before with certain men, I compare the sexual experience to if, they were with a woman. How would a woman feel if he left her hanging like that, he would want to make sure she got off too. He then informs me, he had never been with a woman.

Okay....

To say I was speechless would be putting it mildly. See this statement, threw me for a loop, like you wouldn't believe. To say that the tires were screeching to a hot halt, is putting it lightly. I couldn't believe that his thug out out tail, was not Bisexual. My shock was not that he had never been with a woman, but my shock was that for someone who only got with men, he wasn't better at it! I mean he wasn't bad or the worse, but he certainly wasn't the best, let alone...good. Shocked, I kept asking, "You only get with men?" Getting upset with men, now...he was like "Yeah, why you keep asking?" I never answer that, but I will tell. I can expect the lack luster sexual experience from a guy who doesn't always get with men, but it kinda shocks me to get this from a guy who gets with men all the time. It's like if you do it all the time, shouldn't you be good at it. I mean when you hear that a person cooks all the time, don't you expect that they are a good cook. I mean I'm not even talking about him leaving me hanging, I'm talking about what he did do. Okay, back to the cooking analogy...he knew the basics to cooking a stuffed Turkey, but he didn't know the little details to it. I mean he knew there was a Turkey, stuffing, temperature of the stove, and so on. However he didn't know the seasonings to go the Turkey...that celery, onions, bread crumbs, eggs, goes into the stuffing...and he certainly didn't know how long to cook the Turkey. It just didn't make sense to me. He should have been better at it all!

He told me he was going to call me, or I could call him, so he could make it up to me. I'm not going to call him.

On the car ride home. I kept thinking about his year, and a lot of my sexual experiences. That's when I realized, I'm tired of it all. Most importantly I'm tired of passing out my Goodies to niggas. I'm not sucking anymore dick, of these ungrateful bastards. I'm really done for the year. I feel, it. maybe I'm changing it that, it's not in me anymore. I just don't feel it. Like I said before, I'm going to lay off until next year, and then reevaluate the situation! That seems to be the best solution.

Unexpected Things In Unexpected Packages!

2009-09-17T09:56:00.008-04:00

Okay first of all let me say, I must really be getting out of my box lately, because I keep writing about things I usually leave for other bloggers, but I feel compelled too write about these things lately.

Well this morning after reading Southern Gal's post and yesterday, Butterfly Hustla's post. Now Butterfly was talking about falling and having amazing sex in her college years with an unexpected mate, a chunky Latino man. Things went south not because of his looks, but other factors. Southern Gal was talking about not getting with a fugly guy, but that wasn't the bases of her post. I have been on a kick about getting out to people the importance of not judging a book by it's cover...although without a doubt I can't lie I will not read a book if the cover is wack, tacky and ghetto and the picture of the author is tired. Usually my instinct are on point with actual books, but human people things can be a different subject. What you see, might not always be what you get.

On Southern Gal's blog (The post), I commented about how some fugly people could be amazing in bed. Now I'm sure I could elaborate more...well I know I could elaborate more on this subject, y'all know I can write a rambling long post, but not in the mood today, so I'm going to keep this short and sweet today. I'm telling you so out of my box lately. However who knows I might write more on this post later today, it might be in a different color font however...the new content I mean.

Anyway this is my point for this post. Well after writing my comment on Southern Gal's post. I happen to go to my gossip blogs. There is only two I visit, I usually don't entertain that kind of stuff. One is a celeb gossip blog and the other is a celeb uh...groupie blog. Anyway I stumbled on this post about Willie Taylor from Day 26 having new photos leaked of him naked. Now the first group of pictures out, was reportedly photo shopped. However these new pics were hacked from Willie's wife's email account. While he is on the road and on tour...because you know they make pennies on those albums, under Diddy's on Bad Boy, so that have to tour to really make anything...anyway while on tour him and his wife keep things spicy by taking sexy pics of themselves and sending them via the Internet...bad mistake. When will these celeb ever learn. When will average people learn no photo evidence!

Now here is where my point of unexpected things in certain packages comes to a point. Now I am without a doubt a huge boy band fan. Usually though from the late 80s or early 90s era....I mean Jodeci, New Edition, H-Town, BEll Biv Devoe, Silk, Intro, 112, Guy, so on and so on. However not since Boys II Men, have I really not thought that a overall group was unattractive like Day 26. The only difference is that Boys II Men, have great sexy, amazing songs, back in the day. Now as you can guess, by no means am I a Day 26 fan. I think the overall group is kind of tired. I do. I mean I really haven't liked anything from Bad Boy in like 8 years, you know besides Cassie's new single, but I will discuss my reason on that, in the Music of the Moment post.

Anyway back to my point. I think that Day 26 has a bunch of raggedy looking average guys, that singing skills don't make them look any...well un-average. Now I am sure soem think they are hot and sexy. I'm not one. They don't do a thing for me. Not a one of them. Well maybe Que, with his undercover DL tail, sorta kinda maybe. but overall none of them really. However these new pics of Willie, has got me looking at him in a whole new manner. I mean he to me is a prime example of unexpected things in not so cute packages. how certain qualities of a person, can make them look and become attractive. Now I'm not going to post the pictures, because well I don't have adult content warning, so I am going to leave the link, Willie stock has just went up! Now here is my thing, do y'all think that younger brother Jeremih...you know "Birthday Sex" guy...is working with the same thing, man that brings a whole new meaning to that song, if he is.

And man this post is sorta weird, right?

By the way who in the world still wears Joe Boxer anymore, if you do let me know... I'm curious, am I missing out on something, with Joe boxer?
I thought that was such a 90s thing. I'm sorry but that shows you right there the what kind Bad Boy money they working with.

I'll Take One Heart Attack, With A Diet Pepsi Please!

2009-09-15T05:30:00.008-04:00

Okay first, I usually save post like this for Mr. Jones on his Surreal Talk blog, or other bloggers, who write about things about this. I was going to finish the story about Von's blind date. That post wasn't finished afteri left the drunk guy, but oh well maybe next time. I would like you guys to take the time to look at this picture before I proceed with the post. Now I want you to take a good look at this picture. When I first looked at the picture I thought I saw one thing, however not until later did I realize what I was actually looking at. Sometimes I guess your eyes can be deceiving. Now I'm going to come back to this picture in a minute.

So a couple weeks ago I was on a weekend road trip with some family, and we stopped one morning at Hardee's for breakfast. So we go to the drive thru, and they have this big picture of their new breakfast sandwich. Me not paying attention, someone else points out, "Look they have a new biscuit...a Fried Bologna Biscuit!" Now I actually couldn't believe what I was hearing or seeing. Now to me that just sounded like a true ghetto masterpiece. Now I don't think you can be a black person in America and not had fried Bologna sandwich at least once in your life. It is usually accompanied with white bread with either your choice of mustard or mayonnaise. I am a more so mayonnaise person. I have had a fried bologna burger once. Which is a really thick piece of bologna, which comes with lettuce and tomato. I also have had a fried bologna and egg sandwich before too, for breakfast; more so in my childhood. However it was shocking to my ears that a national restaurant, like Hardee's was offering such a...I will say Ethnic?...or perhaps culture?...dish to their menu. I think that sounds better that ghetto, don't y'all? Now no one with me that day got this sandwich. I was already a little queasy that morning, and a little nauseous for some reason. I didn't even eat my chicken biscuit until like an hour latter on the road. Some of you might not believe it but the thought of this biscuit made my stomach do bigger flips than it was doing prior to pulling up to Hardees.

Anyway, apparently Hardees was urged by a lot of their Southern franchises to come out with this biscuit. Apparently they had been highly requested by consumers to make this biscuit. So the corporation wanted to oblige the request. Now this hasn't been the first time Hardees have been apart of the crazy breakfast sandwich idea. Does anybody else remember the Monster Biscuit? It was the bacon, cheese, sausage, cheese, egg, cheese, and I'm not sure ham or something else on a biscuit. I'm not sure they may still have it. I couldn't tell you though. I believe at the time, they were competing with Burger King's Double Omelet Sandwich. That was the Sausage, two egg and cheese omelet, and bacon, with more cheese, on a bun sandwich. I always say that Burger King and Hardees are in a cold war competition, to see who can come up with the nastiest, most fattening, artery clogging sandwich. Now I have never tried any of them. However my cousin, I believe has, and loves these types of sandwiches, with mayonnaise always. Even the breakfast ones, no jelly for him, mayonnaise if you will. He is those guys that eat and eat like an endless well, yet never really gains any weight. His nickname was slim growing up. I will say I did fall short once and tried Hardees Chicken Parmesan sandwich, they had out once. To say that night after eating that was interesting...would be to say the least. Good Lawd was praying for mercy on me!

Now back to the original picture at the top. Now when I had originally heard was that KFC was coming out with a new chicken sandwich, I though no big deal. What I had originally heard was that KFC was attempting to try breakfast. When I looked initially at the picture, I thought it was a bacon and cheese on a seasoned biscuit. However what some of you have probably already figured out. That is NOT a biscuit, but actually KFC's relief for the Carbohydrate sensitive consumer, the Double Down sandwich. That's right people that it bacon, monterrey jack and cheddar cheese, and the colonel's secret sauce on...not one...but two fried chicken fillets. When I read this on Black Voice's I nearly fell out of my chair. I kept looking at the picture, and couldn't believe that I missed what I was looking at. Now I know some may disagree but when it comes down to the most outrageous fast food sandwich ideas, I think this one takes the cake. Now apparently this is going to go on their regular menu, no breakfast menu will be staring. This is what it apparently looks like in person. I what it looks like outside of the glossy promotional pictures you see above. Now I haven't tried this, nor do I think I will. I know just eating this I would gain an easy 5 pounds. I'm not my cousin.

I can't wait what the fast food Gods will come out with next!!!

My Drunk Date, and Von's Blind Date!

2009-09-10T11:19:00.003-04:00

So I asked a fellow reader of my blog, which post would they rather read...a post about married guy or a post about my crazy night this weekend with Von, Pickle, and another guy...and he picked this post, so thank him. Anyway I am trying to stay more current with what's going on in my life. I realize I haven't talked about Von or Pickle in a while, but they are very much still in the picture. I have a lot of stories to tell about them, especially Von. Let me know if you want to hear those stories. If not I will just stay with, what happens to me from now on, week to week.

It may start off slow, but gets good. Anyway this I can tell is going to be a long one, if you don't like that, kiss my black ashy tail, and move on to another blog...okay Butterfly...I don't know how to tell a story without the details!!!!

I came in from out of town, Sunday night, after visiting family for Labor Day weekend. No need to be in Labor Day traffic on Monday, I actually like sleeping in all day on those Monday holidays, no need being on the road. As I get myself settled, and change in to something more comfortable, if you will, and lay across my bad. As soon as I hit that comfy spot, where you lay like a vegetable, and not want to move an inch; I hear my cell phone vibrate on my night stand. I reached over and pick it up. It was an unfamiliar number, but I answer it anyway. On the other end a female's voice response with a, "Hello, Y?...it's me Trina!" At first I think to myself... Who is Trina? Then she says a very familiar name that brings it all back to me, "...You know Von's friend." Then suddenly I remember who this girl is.

Last week, I'm at the hospital, visiting a family member, my second cousin. Nothing to serious, but serious enough they want to keep them for a week. Well, I was visiting them one night, when I kept getting these calls, from this same unknown number. Well, in certain parts of the hospital, the phone calls would fail. However by the time I get to his room, all calls are okay. After a few minutes of catching up with the family member, I return the phone calls. This girl explains to me that she is a friend of Von's and he was trying to do three-way, with me on the phone. However I didn't answer, so if I call her number back, for me to call him. Von does the stupidest shit in my eyes, I tell you. Well, through a series of events I end up talking to her for a few minutes, while trying to get Von on the phone, because I have a problem calling his phone. He can call me, but a lot of the time, when I call him, I get a "All circuit lines are busy, please try your call later" message. She can get him on the phone easy, however. Anyway at the hospital, I finally talk to him, and the first thing out his mouth it the same thing always first out of his mouth, "Yo son, where you at?" It racks my nerves every time he says it. I respond the same way every time... "Minding my own business...where are you?" Knowing full well where he is at...at home doing nothing. He tells me his line, that he THINKS makes me weak at the knees... "Yo son, I want to chill tonight with you." Yep doesn't that just makes you libido roar, with desire? This is Von language, for "I want to get freaky with you!" No matter how much I trick him and act like I have not a clue what this means, I can never get him to say literally what he wants to do, which is have sex. The most I have ever gotten, was a few weeks ago, "Let's do what WE do, and there is no need for your draws." Anyway, nothing happen that night. By the time I got to his house, after leaving the hospital, he had fallen asleep from two wine coolers. We actually haven't gotten down sexually in a while. Every time he is in the mood, I'm not. Every time I am in the mood, he's not. When we both are, he falls asleep, and nobody can wake him up.

Anyway back to my main story, this is the Trina from a week ago. After a little chit chat, I ask her, what's going on...why is she calling me. The next thing out of her mouth stuns the hell out of me. "Uh Y, can you come over to my house and pick me up?...and take me to Von's house?" I was so shocked that this Bitty, that I have never know and has spoke to all of a few minutes a few times on the phone, is asking me to become a taxi service. I had to ask her to repeat her question, just so I got it right. She repeated the same thing. In my mind my thoughts was roaming...this girl has a lot of nerves asking me such a request...she don't know me...why doesn't she ask one of her simple head friends to take her...then it hits me. I asked her, "Whose idea was it for you to call me?" She gets all what do you mean, and all flustered and whatnot. I press harder, I know who put her up to this foolishness. She only gives me, that all her friends and family was busy, so I came to mind....me a person she spoke to for literally, a hot two minutes in her life. I tell her I need to call her back. I call up the source for this nonsense...Von. He tells me the same nonsense, but I know he is lying. I know he put her up to calling me. He finally ask me, "So are you going to do it?" I just hang up. However I think about it for about several minutes. I mean as crazy as it sounds, I really ponder going over there to pick her up. I mean there isn't anything on television. Shark Tank is replaced with the Jerry Lewis Telethon...Hung, Entourage, and my other HBO love True Blood is on a weekend break because of the holiday...why not go? I call Trina up, and tell her my decision. I then call Von up and tell him, some reality. I tell him, "I going to pick Trina up and bring her to your house...However Von, when I pick her up, we are through. Don't ever call me again with a 'let's chill' or 'I need to see you tonight' Once I pick this girl up for you, we are through." He acts so confused by this statement and keeps asking me what do I mean. I explain it further, that I have done some pretty stupid things when it comes to him, and he has pulled me into some stupid situations. This is just one episode of the Von Nonsense show. He finally says in his most little boy hurt voice, "You mean we can't even be friends anymore?" Here is the thing I think Von really thinks we are friends. I mean I think most of the time he puts the sexual stuff we do out of his mind. At times, to him, it never happens in his mind. To me however, I really don't consider him a friend. Perhaps an acquaintance, that's relationship was originally based on sex. However not friends. I simply respond though, "I don't even know if we can be friends."

I get dressed and hit the road to Trina's house. She lives about 35 minutes away. Von lives about 25 minutes away and Trina lives about a little less than 10 minutes on the other side of Von. Trina calls me about 10 minutes after I leave my house. As I am getting the directions to her place, I see a man on the side of the road. As my car approaches him I can very well notice, that he is walking unsteadily and almost in a wobble. Right as I am about to pass him, I see him fall to the ground out of site. I pass him and in my rearview mirror, I don't see him getting up. I tell Trina I have to call her back. I make a U-turn and I go back to see where he fell, and I still don't see anything. I pull into a business parking lot by the area where he fell. Although this is a busy road in the daytime, tonight this seem to be a very quite night. I get out of my car and like a white person in the movies I go to investigate, what happen. I quickly stumble upon this man very unsuccessfully trying to get out of this ditch. It wasn't exactly a hole but deeper than your average ditch. He is trying to walk up, and keeps falling back. I reach out my hand and he looks at me. He grabs my hand and I pull him up. I ask him if he is okay, and he mutters something with his head down. The alcohol however hits me like a brick. This fool is drunk on the side on the road, at what now is like about 11:30 at night. I ask him if he is all right. He then starts muttering to me again, except now I can understand that it's Spanish, he is muttering. He's Mexican, from what I can tell. Not trying to be racist or anything, but I can tell he was Mexican...not Puerto Rican, not Dominican, nothing but good ole' south of the border Mexico Hispanic. I let him walk, and he is doing this heavy swaying back and forth walking, and steadily stumbling around. I think to myself, I can't let this fool continue to walk around out here like this. He was close to the road, when he fell. What if he fell the opposite direction?...I could have hit him. At this point, I'm not sure what exactly what I was going to do with him. My thoughts were to find out where he lives and take him to his house. I figure I could find someone who spoke Spanish, to ask him.

I guide him to my truck. When we get to my SUV, I notice all this dirt on the back of his wife beater. I assume it happen from when he fell. I brush it off and open the passenger side door. I help him up into the vehicle, however we are unsuccessful. Even though I have siderail, his drunk ass can't manage to get up into the car. On one last attempt, he is on the siderail, and I push his hip with my hand, when I feel something gooey on my hands. I panic and look at my hand, to see what's on it and accidentally let him fall to the ground. he yells something in Spanish, when he hit the ground. I look at my hands, and freak out. I instantly think I have this man's blood on my hands. It's almost grainy, so I figure its blood and rocks mixed from when he fell into the ditch. I rush to the back of my truck for a roll of paper towels I keep back there. I soon discover it's not blood, but mud and gravel. I go back to the short Mexican man...he's about 5'2 or 5'3...and he has this gravel mud all over his shorts, legs, and shoes. I think to myself I can't let this man up into my car like this. He's a mess. I stand there and think, he just looks at me without saying a word, the whole time I am thinking. I make a brash decision, and decide to take his shorts off. I take off his buddy shoes and socks, unbuckle his belt and slid his shorts off. The whole time he says nothing he just looks down at me. I put his muddy stuff in a plastic grocery bag from my trunk, and I help him back into the SUV. I get back into the drivers seat, and he is just sitting there in his bikini hip briefs and wife beater. Here is the thing, why is it most Hispanic men, where those bikini like hip briefs?...You know the kind you saw white men wearing in movies in the 80s. I use to work in the men's department at a department store and they were the biggest consumer of these types of underwear.
I once again ask him where does he live. Not mumbling anymore, he speaks loud and clear in Spanish. I think to myself, maybe it's in his wallet. I reach into the plastic bag, and find his wallet in the pocket. No ID and nothing with an address, however Jose over here, had a bunch of 20s up in that wallet. I drive off, and I decide to call one man, who might be able to help me, and happens to live about a few minutes away from where we are at.

As I am driving I call a familiar number from my contacts, and the phone rings and rings. Hoping that not only does he pick up, that he is in town, because he is always out of town on the weekends. Just when I am about to give up, I hear that voice I was hoping for, say, "What's up man?...what's good with?!" Happiest I think I have ever been to hear Pickle's voice I cut to the chase. Now I haven't talked about Pickle much since the,Call of the Booty post, but we have become quite regular hook up buddies. I ask him if he is home and busy. He tells me that he has a "friend" over and about to go to bed. I tell him that I need a favor. That I need to borrow an old pair of pants. He laughs and without asking me any further questions, except what size and to stop by. I question him about not asking me, why I need to borrow his pants. He simply reply's "Haven't we all been in a situation, where we need to borrow someone's pants late at night?" I think to myself, not me! I explain the situation to him, and once again he asks like its all in a day. I tell him, I will be there in a couple minutes. I pull up to the curb of Pickle's house, park behind his car, a couple houses down. He has a driveway in the back, but he doesn't like to use it. I get out of the car, and leave the Mexican there. I walk down the sidewalk to his house. I call him and tell him I'm outside. I see movement in the house. A minute feels like forever. As I am waiting I look back at my car, and notice the passenger door is open. I run back to my car and the Mexican is behind the wheel...turning the wheel, with his foot on the gas, making "Room Room" noise with his mouth. Thank God I have the habit of always taking the key out the ignition, where ever I go. This fool might have tried to take off with my car. I say 'No!" and open the door for him to get out the driver seat. He shakes his long curly hair head back and forth, and continues to make car noise. I yell to him, "I'm going to take you to Su Casa!" During this whole process I have been trying to use any Spanish I could recall from my one year of taking it in high school. I guess it's just human nature to think the louder you speak the more likely they will understand you. Like hearing is the problem, and not language. After a minute he jumps and crawls back into passenger seat. I shut the door and run back to Pickle's front door.

A minute later he walks out with a cigarette in his mouth. I once again explain the whole situation to him, and tell him, what the Mexican just tried to do. Pickle just casually puffs on his cigarette, and blows. He points the direction of my car, and ask, is that him. I look to where he is pointing and the Mexican is walking down the street towards us in just his draws now. Now Pickle house is on a street that is much busier and lighted. So you see everything in view. The Mexican goes off on us in Spanish. Pickle just casually looks at him, and blows the smoke out of the side of his mouth. He hands me the pants. I try to help the Mexican put them on, but it seems to be going not as easy as taking them off was. He puts his hands over his crotch, and just says, "Nooooo!" Not sure what he thinks is going on, I just hand them to him. He then proceed to put the waist of the pants over his hand and run around me and Pickle, like a 3 year older. Pickle still all nonchalant, casually puffs and blows smoke out of the side of his mouth, but says to me, "What kinda mess did you bring to my house?" I ask him since he is a teacher, does he speak Spanish, and he tell me no. As he grabs the pants off of the Mexican, he tells me, this is how you speak Spanish. He snaps at the Mexican, and yells "Put these on right!" Oddly enough the Mexican realizes that he must put the garment on, but he still put it over his head. This time though he tries to put his arms through the legs of the pants. I yell out "Blaco!...Blaco!" Pickle asks me does that mean pants, I respond either that or shirt, or the color white. I couldn't remember. He looks at the Mexican, then says, "Well that could be why he keeps trying to put the on over his head like a shirt." The Mexican finally gives up and throws the pants on the ground and storms off. Pickle casually says, "Let him go, good riddance...you want something to drink?"

Just standing there I look at the Mexican walk down the street and cars honk at him. I tell Pickle can't just let him go, I have his clothes and wallet in my car. He tells me well give them to him, and let him go. I tell Pickle I better call the Police. He ask me "Why?...what did the Mexican do to me?" I look at him and point to the Mexican who is in his bikini briefs, who is in the street hitting cars at the stop light, and explain I can't just let him walk around like that. I jump on my cell phone and call 911. I go back to my car and take off after him. He is way down the street from Pickles house now. As I am on the phone, I pull up to the Mexican, and he gets in. The operator, says the police is on its way. The Mexican is swaying back and forth in my car, and has that look on his face. Just talking out loudly I tell him, he better not vomit in my car. Not really expecting a respond back or him to understand. However he says "Okay." I nearly get whip flash from doing a double take. I say, "You speak Engless?" He responds "Si, take me home" I can't believe that he has been able to understand English this whole time. I ask him how do I get here. He makes a block chop move with his arms forward. Then says a street name. Right then the police show up, where I told the operator for us to meet, near Pickle's house. I explain the whole situation to the Police. He jumps out the car, and starts speaking his drunk Spanish to the police. I hand them him the bag with his clothes, shoes, and wallet, and tell them what he finally told me. They ask me how did I find his clothes. See this is perhaps where I might be totally in the wrong. At this point I am really ready to be done with this situation. I may have led the Police to think he was already naked when I found him walking drunk. I told them that his clothes were near by were I found him, and they excepted that, and commended me for my civilian duties and let me go. I left him there.

As I drove off I noticed several missed calls, and it hits me among all this chaos I was supposed to pick up Trina. As I get back on the road heading towards her house. Pickle calls me to tell me about all the drama I brought to his street. When I left The Mexican there was two police cars there. Pickle informs me, that now there is 7 or 8 cars there. I ask for what reason, he is just one drunk naked man. He tells me they are all standing around laughing at the Mexican. I tell Pickle with all the crime in the city, this is the best way they can see to use their time? He tells me that they have gotten the clothes back on the Mexican. However now they have him cuffed and on the ground. Every time he gives me an update, I feel worse about the situation. Thinking to myself did I make the situation worse or better for him by intervening and picking him up.

Is the Dream the New Millennium's 1980's Prince?

2009-09-04T01:44:00.002-04:00

I feel so behind on my Music of the Moment, I mean in all reality this isn't exactly my Album of the Moment, anymore, more like in July it was. However I had it up on the right side of the blog at one time, so I'm going toplay catch up and talk about The Dream's "Love vs. Money." This album is without a doubt a sequel to his debut album "Love Hate". I wouldn't be surprise to hear, that a couple songs on this album were probably songs, that didn't make the first cut, of the "Love Hate" album. I think the first single, "Rockin' That Shit," was suppose to be another "Shawty is Da Shit," the first single from his first album...and yes, I always get the explicit versions. I am going to say something that, maybe very controversial, or may have a lot of people disagreeing. I think The Dream is the new 1980's Prince. Yes, I said it. Now don't get it twisted, but I am not calling him the new Prince, but more so a new millennium's version of 1980's Prince. Let me explain this, for those who are confused. When I listen to The Dream I get a somewhat Prince vibe to him and his songs. I think about Prince's song like "Little Red Corvette," "Purple Rain," "Raspberry Beret," and many other songs, when I hear The Dream's songs. Just like Prince I think The Dream has a sorta signature sound. I mean I usually can figure out that The Dream has written or produced a song for another artist. The Dream's protege girl group, Electik Red, Rhianna's "Umbrella" has The Dream sound; just like Prince's protege girl acts like Vanity 6, Apollonia, Sheila E, always had the Prince influence sound on their albums. I mean on The Dream's first album he has a song called "Nikki," and who else has a song called "Darling Nikki" too?...hmm let me think. Now granted The Dream's Nikki could be talking about his ex wife Nivea, but you get my point. I just feel that The Dream is very much giving us a new 1980's Prince retrospective. I think songs like "Walkin' On the Moon" and the beat to "Love VS. Money," very much sound like a new day 80s Prince. Ironically though it's R. Kelly he shows homage to on this album on the song, "Kelly's 12 Play." I don't care what The Dream says however, he could never deny that Prince has or is, a major influence on him and his music as well.

With that said, lets go into the highlights of Love VS. Hate. First let me say this The Dream to me successfully does something on every album, that Jagged Edge tried on the "Baby Making Project" album, but I didn't care for as much, as how The Dream does. That thing being connect each song, so there is no space, but it becomes one long song. With Jagged Edge, every song, started to sound a like on that album. In my opinion The Dream connects them better, yet they still sound like different songs. For example "Sweat It Out" is talking about a girl that he loves having sex with...a girl he loves having sex with so much he want to take her home to meet his mother in, "Take U Home 2 My Mama"...which is the first lines in the song "Love VS. Money"... which is a song about him wanted to take a girl home to meet his mother, but she left him for another guy she loves inspite of all the money and gifts he lavished her with, which goes into "Love Vs. Money Pt. 2"...and it goes on like that. I have to say my favorite line in the whole album, would have to be the first lines in one my favorite songs on the album "Sweat It out," which are "Girl, call up Tisha, your beautician, cause your hair is go'n need fixin..." I just think it's funny. This album is filled with a lot of slow jams made to get busy with. Songs like, "Put It Down," which is another one of my favorites, to other slows like "Fancy." The song "Kelly's 12 Play," actually samples his own beat from his first album. It samples the "Shawty is Da Sh**" remix featuring R. Kelly. The song is about how you can't go wrong with having sex, when you do it to r. Kelly's "12 Play" album; while this song is actually made to have sex with, like R. Kelly's album. Ironically, I have gotten completely naked and busy to the album. It has a nice overall groove that is great to have sex too, in my opinion. Overall I enjoyed

My Ah That's My Jam of the Moment, is Case's "Lovely." As corny as it maybe to say, it's lovely that Case is back. This is the first single of of his new album, and I really love this song. I think because it is such a classic song from Case, it like right where he left off on his last album.

My Ah That's My Jam II of the Moment is Mary Mary's God In Me featuring Keirra Sheard. I will say this, I'm not a huge Mary Mary fan, but I love this song. I actually first heard it on a R&B/Hip Hop station and thought as crazy as it sounds, that Monica had did a gospel song. Anyway even though the message is kinda superficial, I love the message. That you see my car and clothes, my lifestyle about me, and think I have it made. however what you don't see is me falling on my knees when I get home, and knowing it's nothing but the God in me that made it happen.

My throwback album of current rotation, is "Miss Thang." The debut album from one of my favorite female artist, this album embodies the attitude of the title of the album. Back in the 90's, "Miss Thang", always meant a women or dare I say a gay man...yes I said that...with attitude; and well Monica always seems to have that little attitude to her. In attitude, I mean she always had this sassiness to her, even at the age of 14, when this album came out. Here is the thing about the mid 90s, 14 year old singers were not producing music like 14 year old girls are now. Singers like Monica, Brandy, Traci Spencer, and the late great Aaliyah, who all seemed to be coming out at the same time, and were all around the same age, where producing mature music. The music was very mature for the age of the singers. I mean the songs and singing always seemed like it was coming from older singers, even if that meant just older teenagers, it was older sounds. I mean I find it amazing that several songs on this album was recorded when Monica was actually 12 years old. Ironically as teens are more mature today, the songs coming from teen singers are a little more bubblegum than in the mid 90s R&B, in my opinion, at least. Now granted there is this high school vibe to the album, but I still feel like it wasn't, pinholed to one certain age group.

One of my favorites on the album, the High tempo, heavy bass infused, "Don't Take It Personal(Just One Of Dem Days)," is an example, of one of those songs, that is not just geared to one specific audience. I love this song. Now I know this song is more so talking about a woman feelings, and more specifically PMS, at least I think; however I connect with it. I feel this way a lot. I have them days, where I just one to be left alone, and do just that. It is the only song she co-wrote on the whole album. I have a feeling it was one of the songs recorded when she was 14, than at age 12. I have a feeling songs like "Skate," was recorded when she was 12. Anyway another favorite of mine would be, "Before You Walk Out of My Life." One of my earliest memories of Monica, would have to be the video, for this song. The video always left a sad feeling in me, when her and obviously her best friend, which was a boy, moved away from her. This album also contained a lot of covers and sampling. I feel like this album debuted during a time when sampling was just becoming the big thing. Not taking the whole song like previously was done for years, but just sips and nibbles of older songs or the productions, and remaking them. She has two covers on this album. The first being, "Tell Me If You Still Care," which I think is fairly decent remake of the S.O.S. Band's hit song. Does she make the song hers..hmm that's debatable...I think personally think she did, for a cover. The next cover being the first of two collaborations she does in her career with Usher, the Latimore' hit "Let's Straighten It Out." I will have to say, that it doesn't seem like a song that a 14 and a 16 year older is singing. Not the most remember song from the album, but it's decent. I think that her slow jams out shined them, like "Never Can Say Goodbye" and "Now I'm Gone." Anyway this album was the beginning of me being a real Monica fan, even today with her recent stuff.

Now I'm not going to even lie, when Hezekiah Walker divorced Monique Walker 10 years ago, I thought it would be the last time I heard from one of my favorite soloist. I mean it had been years and no music or anything about her surfaced. However one day I happened to be listening to one of Hezekiah Walker and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir's old albums, and I happened to think about Monique. I got home and Googled her name, and to my surprise, her name came up and a new album "My Genesis," appeared. "My Genesis" is the debut gospel album, from a music veteran. For some of you is unfamiliar with the power house Monique Walker, she was one of the lead soloist of Hezekiah Walker's Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, since the late 80s and early 90s to the Family Affair album in 1999, when they split up and divorced in the following years. In the "Let's Dance" music video, from the "Family Affair" album featuring David Hollister, she is the female soloist in the video, with the strong high cheek bones. Well anyway, after the "Family Affair II" release and the "20/85 The Experience," and still nothing was heard from Monique, I thought that she had went into Ex-spouse obscurity, and the last we heard of her singing on an album release ever again. However I am glad that I was wrong, with the album "My Genesis."

She named her debut album "My Genesis," after the first book and the beginning of the bible, and this being her new beginning. That is very much the theme that was carried through this album and through her songs. From songs like "Starting All Over" and "Right Now," she sings about how its her season and her time, to shine and reap her blessings from the Lord. This album has a very anointed impact from the beginning to the end. Although establishing herself as a solo artist and her own sound, she didn't stray to far from her roots as leading a choir. Half of the album is live with a choir or heavy music grouping of some sort and the other half is studio productions. Her first single "Crazy Praise," is just that a crazy praise, and just what a live production should do, make you feel like you are there. I for a moment get caught up and can actually image myself in the church sanctuary, being apart of this service and watching her sing and lead this song. I will have to say her ex husbands influences on her is very much apparent in certain songs like "More of Your Glory," and the way she directs the different sections, is a classic Hezekiah move. On one of my favorites songs on the album "Right Now," is without has that Love Fellowship Crusade Choir vibe written all over it. In the strong beat and everything from organ and I want to say the Hezekiah Walker horn sound. I can't put my finger on what is that sound, that distinguishes the Walker sound. I think this song has my favorite lyric on the whole album, "This is my season...this is my time, I'm not conceited, but I got to get mine!" Another one is the powerful and stirring, "Tried in the Fire," which is about how you can go through the fire, through so much in your life but with God you will come out your situation as gold.

Now for some it may seem weird that she would have a song on her debut solo album, from her past when she was singing with Hezekiah and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, like "Second Chance." However if you ever heard the lovely Ms. Walker perform this song you would know that she couldn't have her first solo album, without this song. Although Monique was lead soloist on many LFC Choir songs; "Second Chance" was her signature song, from the "Live in New York" album. It was her "I Will Always Love You" to Whitney Houston, it was her "I Will Survive" to Gloria Gaynor, her "Lady Marmalade" to Patti Labelle, it was the song she always sings. I have seen Hezekiah sing live multiple times, some with Monique and a couple post Monique, but there was never a song that brought down the house like Monique singing "Second Chance." It was always an emotional song that touches, and gets everyone. Now this is a different rendition than the "Live from New York" album. I don't know if it was purposely sung in the middle of the song or that's when they decided to start the live recording for the album or what, but I care for it when she starts off from the beginning, but still you get the effect of the song regardless. I will have to say the live recordings got me more than the studio productions, but they were still fire too. It's just she seems to shine more and really get you with a choir behind her and the powerfulness of the choir and probably the support of the audience. The heavily produced Darkchild singles "Greatest Gift" and "Trust and Believe," definitely gave her a new and different sound, that she probably needed to establish her self as a solo artist. However I think the soft sweet ballad "We Worship You," is by far the best studio song on the album. I just love that one. All in all this is an album to me was a very personal and powerful album, about trials and tribulations, and about making it through, with the grace of God. With his help anyone can cope and see the brighter day, that God has for us all. This is without a doubt an anthem album of claiming your season and what's for you no matter what anyone says, or you go through.

Sorry if this whole post feels dated...it sorta is!

Black, Down Low, & Married Series: The Married Men

2009-08-05T08:40:00.000-04:00

If you asked me how many married men I've been with, I'm not sure I could honestly tell you how many there has been. Don't get it twisted, now that doesn't mean there has been so many that I have lost track of, but that's just a hard question to answer. If you asked me how many do I think I have been with or how many have told me they were married, then I could answer that, however there would be two different answers to those questions.

Now I debated for a while about posting this subject. I don't I feel like it was a very touchy subject. I thought about it for a while on whether I was going to publish it. It's something, that people have strong opinions about. I'm not going to lie, I was nervous about judgement. I'm human, I not one that can brush judgement off my shoulders, like some do. Yesterday I chatted with a fellow blogger, and they told me, regardless of what people say, it's your blog and write what you will. I thought about it, and I came to a conclusion, that it's something that needs to be talked about, it's a part of the DL story, my story. However, I did rewrite the post, and I decided to break it up, into a series of sporadic post.

See here has been the thing with me, I never really think about if a guy is married of not. Not that I am not concerned about it, but more so I just never think about it. Although I have gotten better about asking a guy if he is married or not, which I use to never think to do. The answers I get, I'm not always sure if it is the truth or not. I never think to look at their ring finger to spot a ring. Not sure if that is a man thing to do. I remember the first time I really realized, that might be more of a woman thing.

I am going to do a real quick mid-post flashback. The first time I realized that was a woman thing, was with this girl I use to go to school with named Alexis. A name she was quite proud of, because it was after her mother's favorite character off of "Dynasty". Oddly enough all through her school years, she had that bad girl vibe, even in second grade. She was pretty, with long blond hair, and sparkling blue eyes, but she always had this sly, mischievous look on her face, like she was up to something. Anyway as we got older, she turned into this sort teen vixen, you know the kind that was the bases of many characters, off of night time drama, ironically like "Dynasty". She was pretty, dressed sexy, parents had a little money, and she was the first I knew of who was for sure having sex. I remember one time, when we were in the 8th grade, she broke up with her high school boyfriend, because she needed a man who, "...has stamina, and knows how to please a girl all night long and not just 5 minute man." With anyone else I would think they were bluffing, but I knew her, and she wasn't. Anyway back to why I started to even talk about her. All through middle school and high school, whenever we had either a new male teacher or male substitute, she would go into questions, like she knew him. For example, she would randomly ask if he was happily married, and ask questions about his wife...why?...because she saw his wedding ring. If he didn't have no ring, then the questions would revolve around, girlfriends...why no girl friends...what is he looking for in a girlfriend...blah blah blah. I don't know whatever happened to Alexis, I sure if she went to college, she ended up having some affair with her college professor. Anyway my point in this little far off sidetrack, is that from Alexis I got my first glimpse into it being a woman thing. Later on after I saw it in my own family. I remember one time when I was younger, hanging out with two older female cousins, and them talking about how fine some man was, and the comment was, "Too bad, he's married." Now in my mind I looked at him, and wondered, how would they possibly know that. I asked them did they know him, how did they know he was married. They casually mentioned his wedding ring. Now this man had to be several yards away from us, yet it was their instinct to look at that hand. This little sidetrack showed me that it must be a women's instinct to check for the man's wedding ring, whether or they ignore it or not depends on the woman.

However in my experience with dealing with other DL men, I have sorta picked up on a sixth sense; of whether a guy is married or not, without looking for the ring. I can't exactly put it into words, but there is this air around them or something, that just screams to me married. I don't know, but kind of a I have a wife and kids, and something to loose, aura about about them. I think it's a somewhat reserve and settled demeanor about them too. Not saying that's who they really are all the time, especially in the bedroom, but those vibes are what they put out. In my opinion, its easier to spot a Dl man who is married, that to spot a married man, who is DL. As strange as that might sound, there is a difference. Regardless of what it is, most of the time when I get that feeling, I ask them, and they tell me whether they are married or not. I so far have only asked one guy, who told me no. My gut feeling told me he was lying, but I wasn't going to argue about it. Do to this sixth sense development, I have realized, that certain past men, probably was married. In retrospect, I think about it certain men and experience, and realize that some were married and I never knew it. See like how the army has a "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy, I had a sorta "Didn't ask, They didn't tell" policy going on then. However I actually prefer now, to know exactly what it is I'm getting into.

I remember the first married man I was with. He was my first of many things I guess, you can say. Not only was he my first married man, but he was the first of three white men I have ever been with. He was, I want to say, the third guy I was ever with. There is always new construction going on in the city, and not all construction is done by local business. I learned that a long time ago. He was a construction worker and the company he worked for, was from Wisconsin. I met him one Friday night. I don't know what was up with me that night, but I was on a kinda prowl like mentality. There was a period, that I feel like I use to attack "bi-curious" men. Attack I mean ...um manipulate. I don't even think I was attracted to him, but I wanted to see if I could push him over to the other side, so to speak. He was married and his wife was 7 or 8 months pregnant with their first child. He hadn't seen her in like 2 or so months, because of the construction job. He was upfront that he had a wife, that he loved very much. Some how I used all of that in my argument in getting him to get down. That plus how getting with a guy was nothing different than being with a women...I know what y'all are thinking, but it worked. Let me say this first, I didn't make anyone do, anything they didn't want to do. I didn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. He was a grown man, in fact he had like 10 years on me. He was enjoying it up until he climaxed. When that happened, it all changed. His face went from ecstasy to terror in seconds. The whole experience really seemed to happen so fast. He looked so guilty about what had just went down. I kept that face with me for a long time. He just had that face like he was going to confess what he did to his wife, out of guilt. That led me to feeling guilty, that my part in all of that night, might have led a man to confess some great thing, that ultimately led to the demise of a marriage and a blossoming family. Now whether that actually happen, I will never know, but I felt like that when we parted ways for the night. At that time, when I first started messing with men, I would go home and take a hot shower, as if that was going to wash away my sins and get me clean. I did the same that night, however I made a pact with myself, that if I was going to mess with men, then no married men. If I as going to commit other sins and what not, no need to add adultery to the mix.

I kept to that pact for a while...at least a couple years, well at least I think I did. I knowingly never messed around with a married man. Back to what I was saying earlier, about there being a difference between how many married men I think I have been with verses how many I have been with, that I was told were married. For all I knew I had not been with a married man until last year, when I posted about my one night stand, with that pastor. In that circumstance, I asked, and he told. However in my stance against messing around with married men, I never really asked guys, or paid attention to whether or not they were married. However I actually prefer now, to know exactly what it is I'm getting into. I don't l know what the new change in me is, on why it doesn't quite bother me as much as it use to, but all I know is it doesn't.

My whole point to this first post in this series, is that...well...I sorta was recently involved or am in involved with a married man.

Living by Bread and Water Alone and a Little Advice

2009-07-28T08:54:00.007-04:00

Okay let me ask you guys, for a little advice first. So this weekend I heard some very disturbing news about a friend of my family. Now I'm not suppose to know this, but I heard from someone close to them, who told someone close to me, that their family is taking serious advantage of them. There was a huge tragedy, that occurred to them, and their family is taking this time to get all they can get from them...in so many words, their family is robbing them blind. You would think at a time like this, their family would be coming together and doing all they can to help this person out, during what I would without a doubt say, is the roughest time of their life, but what are they doing instead, taking the biggest advantage of their vulnerability, extremely hard, and emotionally sensitive time, to get money and things from them. Now my gut reaction was to go to them and tell the family friend to stop it all. However I have been told and reminded, that I wasn't suppose to know, and that it isn't my family, so I can't say anything. I'm not suppose to know, and I understand that, but it hurts, that after all this person has to go through, their family is basically robbing and taking advantage during this time, because they feel they can, and know that even in a better time, this person would never go to them and tell them off!

Now here is my question, what do y'all think I should do leave it alone, because I'm not suppose to know, and only family would really know about what I know, and I'm not family....or go to this person and talk them...tell them, "Don't let people take advantage of you, and to take back what's yours and be strong during this time, because I know they have that strength in them!"...What do y'all think?

Okay this post was actually a lot longer this morning, but lets thank ,"ButtahflyChronicles", for blowing up my spot, and making me feel so horrible, and wrong, tha tI took the second half up my post off as soon as I read her comment.

I had not read the particular scripture she wrote before, and welll I just thought I would share, an intimate thing, that I am doing this week, but apparently I had to nip that right in the bud...Got me feeling all stupid and ig-net!!!That's alright I Love Buttafly, but I got cha...don't worry I got cha!!!

I even changed my second picture, no need for that either I say...I decided to keep the first one, becasue well, I think it still needs to be said, that Fasting Can Change Your Life!"

So I am going to just leave this part up with my advice question, then I am going to come back later this week, with my post thatI interrupted for this inspirational post that was here today....My next post "BLACK,DOWN LOW and the MARRIED MEN"...I'm sure Buttafly will have something to say on that.

Anyway I will be back with some much needed update post about the Mens in my life nad other things....So stay tuned, and pray for me and my uh will power...Love Y'all

E. Lynn Harris, You & Your Words Will Be Missed!

2009-07-25T07:35:00.001-04:00

"Say a Little Prayer" for the Family and Love Ones of E. Lynn Harris
(June 20, 1955- July 23 2009)

Yesterday afternoon, when I was in my car, after turning off my CD player, that I had been rocking all day and turning on the radio, I happen to catch the end of Michael Baisden's show, where he was sending out his love to a fellow author and inspiration, who had died. I think my fellow bloggers, can understand my shock, when I heard it was E. Lynn Harris at age 54. I'm not sure what he died of as of yet, none of the media outlets have disclosed or are not sure of what exactly he died from. I'm not sure it really matters, what he died from, the fact is he is no longer with us. I read in one report, that his assistant said he had been having declining health issues, for a while now. For some reason, I don't want to hear what those health issues may have been. If anyone can understand that. One report really got me, and it was a CNN online report. It had interviews from other fellow authors and friends of E. Lynn Harris. Some who had started selling their books the same time, he was trying to get his self-published first novel, "Invisible Life" out. He was a pioneer in his subject matter and he was a pioneer in the self publication of his early work. Michael Baisden mentioned, how E. Lynn Harris having to self-publish his early work, is what inspired him to do the same. Many stories relate to what I have read from other bloggers, as well as to myself. What it was like the first time, they read either "Invisible life" or any of E. Lynn Harris other books.

For me it was "If This World Was Mine," that was the book that started me on the E. Lynn Harris ride. This book came along right around the time I started to get into reading novels. Now I had read before this book, but around I want to say the last of middle school years, I really started to get into books, not for school or for a book report, but into books, just for entertainment. I remember I reading this book right after reading Eric Jerome Dickey's "Milk In My Coffee," which came after Terry McMillan's "A Day Late, and a Dollar Short". To this day E. Lynn Harris' character Basil Henderson, is by far one of my favorite literary characters, I have ever read. I just love this character to death. Anyway although I enjoyed Mr. Harris book, it didn't really resonate with me, along with his other books, until my high school years. His books and subject matter is where I started to feel at home, or a real connection with. I started to discover and realize certain things about myself through his work. I remember feeling like he was writing for me. I'm not sure when it went from me reading about a couple guys who happen to be in love or have sex or live double lives, to "I think that character is me!"...but it did. If those who don't know what his subject matter has been about, it was about homosexual love, and about Down Low situations and circumstances. I think he was the first real mainstream author to talk about it and and write about it. He wrote from a place of personal experience. For E. Lynn Harris writing "Invisible Life" changed him and helped him deal with his sexuality. He even said, "When I wrote 'Invisible Life,' it had to be the first book out of me -- it helped me to deal with my own sexuality. For me, my 20s and early 30s were spent just hiding and running, because there was no one to tell me that my life had value and the way I felt was okay."

In that CNN report, they talk about what hurt him the most, which was criticism for his work. During his career some criticized him, as being just a mediocre writer, who just happened to stumble on a winning formula. He would respond, "I am not a James Baldwin," although I do find it ironic how he won the James Baldwin Award for Literary Excellence. One friend of his explained that "E. Lynn Harris wrote assessable literature for the masses". I personally don't think every writer has to be the most depth worthy or have the most intricate and over vernacular writing style, to make a point, to tell a story and to reach a reader. He was also criticized by the same community he wrote about, the black gay community. As some put it, for not accurately portraying them and the community and for some telling to much about them, I'm assuming those were the DL sub community, with that criticism. That apparently hurt Mr. Harris the most. It actually makes me feel even worse about myself, for trashing his last novel,"Basketball Jones" on this very blog, a few months ago. The same book he was on the road promoting and doing a book tour on, when he died in Los Angeles, on Thursday. However for me, I had other reasons for not liking his last book, than him telling too much about the DL community or not accurately portraying gay black men. I think for ever critic there is a cheerleader. To me on an average, his books helped me to discover and realise things about myself even more, I thank him for that.

Even after his death, I am finding things he said or wrote a inspiration or a connection to me. On one of those online report, this one coming from Black Voices Newswire; he said, "I think I've been a success because I write about things I'm passionate about and have something to say, and I think people relate to me because they know I relate to them." This had me really thinking. I am very passionate about what I write about on my blog and I have so much to say, but I don't always say it. I neglect writing about a lot of things, I think I should write about. I started my blog to talk and say the things I want to say, and yet I still don't say it all.

I really want that to change though. Anyway I want to say E. Lynn Harris We will miss you....I mean I will miss you. You just don't know what your work meant to me.

The Death of Dr. Timothy Wright and the Rebirth of Bobby Valentino

2009-07-16T07:38:00.003-04:00

I know I have been on one of my M.I.A kicks again, but I have been really busy and my schedule has been crazy, and when I get online I haven't felt like writing. Anyway I think my schedule is going to be clearing up soon, so I decided to start with a well over due Music of the Moment from a while back. I will do another soon too, so consider this Part I. Most of this is in the past tense, as it WAS my music of the moment, for a couple months ago.

My belated condolences and prayers for the family and church congregation of Pastor Dr. Timothy Wright
(June 17, 1947-April 24, 2009)Last year about this same time. I talked about the terrible accident that Legendary Gospel singer Dr. Timothy Wright suffered in. An accident that killed his wife Betty and grandson. Well right after my last Music of the Moment, where I talked about and shared my condolences about the death of Pop Winans, Dr. Wright died. Well I want to first take the time out, to talk about Dr. Wright as well. I hate to say this, but I'm glad he is not suffering anymore. After the accident last year, he had been paralyzed, I believe from the neck down, but I could be wrong. He has been suffering ever since. He was known as the "Godfather of Gospel," and had been directing choirs for over 40 years. If you never picked up a Timothy Wright album, you are truly missing a gifted and anointed man. I don't think I have been to a church, in the last couple years who hasn't song at least once his Hurricane Katrina song, "Jesus Jesus Jesus." It has some what became a church staple in some areas. He was a very beloved man in the gospel circles, and other gospel artist. Gospel singer, Pastor John P. Kee, has even been paying his church mortgage since the accident, last year. I think everyone hoped and prayed, and assumed that he would recover from his severe injuries last year. However that wasn't in God's plan. He fought and held on as long as he could, but he is truly in a better place now. Through everything we go through, God has a purpose.

Well just this past Sunday, I read that Dr. Timothy Wright's son, David Wright, officially became pastor of Grace Tabernacle Christian Center Church of God in Christ, in Brooklyn, NY. His father appointed him pastor, before he died. David is quoted as saying he has some big shoes to filled, and without a doubt he does and they may never quite be filled. My prayers go out to him and his family and the rest of the Grace Tabernacle family.

My Album of the Moment WAS Bobby Valentino's "The Rebirth." I personally like Bobby Valentino's voice, I have liked it all the way back to his Mista days. There is this...I almost want to say smooth whinnies about the way he sings, that I really don't mind, but actually like. I liked this album, however I expected something different from him this time around. Here's the thing, usually when someone calls something "the rebirth," that usually means that they are reinventing their sound or starting fresh all over again in some way or fashion, however I did not get that message from this album, at all. Besides the fact that he left Disturbing the Peace and Def Jam, I did not get a "Rebirth" feeling. Not that I didn't like the album, of course I liked the album or it wouldn't have been my "Album of the Moment," it's just that I expected something different, than what I got. I thought with the new label, I would get a new sound from Bobby, however this sounds very much like his other albums, classic Valentino. I think with every artist you expect them to grow and mature musically, especially young artist like Bobby Valentino. Sometimes you wish for them to return to some of their originally music and style, like when they first debuted, however I have not come to that point yet with Bobby Valentino. I think he has a lot of potential and growing to do as an artist. He matured a bit in my opinion on his last album "Special Occasion," which I personally thought was a very underrated album, from his first solo album. However on "The Rebirth," in my opinion was no growth from his last album but instead had vibes of his first album, the "Bobby Valentino" album, as far as production goes.

Now with that said onto the highlights to this album. I have listened to this album several and many times over, but I got to say that I can not really see to many of these songs as album singles or radio singles for that matter. Now I know that my last statement, might sound very contradicting to this being my "Album of the Moment," but let me explain. Besides from the single "Beep" featuring Yung Joc, which I loved and it was once my "Ah That's My Jam" of the moment. I wish that they had included the remix, which I loved more featuring Ludacris, Lil' Kim, and Lil Wayne. Other than "Beep" I couldn't really picture to many other songs on this album as radio singles. Let me start with some of my favorite high points. He intros this album as usually with a song where the only words are in association with his name and album title, except this time he has help from fellow Atlanta's own and Gospel great, Dottie Peoples to help him intro the album. I will say that was a little unexpected. I wasn't quite as shocked that the gospel legend, Dottie Peoples would make an appearance on a R&B album, but more so shocked that she made an appearance just for just an intro, where she is just giving us her best church screaming and saying that "Some of y'all, thought he was out, but I'm telling you, Bobby's back...It's a brand new day!" You would think that she would be used better and on his closing song, "Give Me Your Heart," where although it is a love song ballad, he pulls from what I assume is a church background, to convey his message of enduring love for a girl. This being actually one of my favorites on the album, is him going to church on a love song to a girl about her giving him her heart.

Back to what I was saying, this album actually in my opinion is an album full of great filler songs, yet not too many I can actually see being radio singles. His second single release, the uptempo "Hands On Me," which is about him trying to say faithful, but women constantly tempting him; although decent, was a very poor choice in my opinion. I think there would have been better choices, my favorite choice would have been, "Make You the Only One." Personally I think it would have been the perfect follow up to "Beep" and the strongest radio contender, because of its catchiness and mid tempo softness, I could really image that one on the airways and a video. Other single contenders that are not necessarily my favorite songs on the albums, but I could see being strong enough to be released as singles would be either "Butterfly Tattoo" and "My Girl". I hate to say this but because they sound very much like other classics by Bobby V, like hit songs "Slow Down" and "My Angel" from his first album. Why stray from the formula that was working for him. Now for my favorites on the album. Always a favorite of mine, Bobby remakes Raphael Saadiq's "Me and You," with his new version on "Just Me and You" featuring Raphael Saadiq as background and musical accompaniment. Another hit for me was "Another Life," which is a great slow jam, fitting for any quiet-storm-midnight-love line-request like programing, which actually has thunderstorms in the background. I'm a sucker for any slow jam like that. Another hit, which was kinda odd that I was actually really feeling was "Dance the Night Away". An interlude, and not an actual full length song, but I liked the potential of this ballad and wished that he had made it, into a full 3 minute song instead. However he fills the end of the album with ballads to I guess supplement the lack of finishing that particular one. All in all I enjoyed the album. It was classic music from this artist. The only surprise I got was that it wasn't different from his other bodies of work, which makes the name "The Rebirth," almost a disappointing tease.

My "Ah that's My Jam" of the Moment, was Solange's "T.O.N.Y.", which stands for, "The Other Night, Y?" When Solange's album, "Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams," was my Album of the moment a while back, this was my joint. It's my jam of the moment, because of recent air play and the music video, which gives one of the most over the top performance of someone taking a pregnancy test I have ever seen. I just love the 60's girl group vibe of a person regretting a one night stand, with a guy named Tony. I think we have all regretting a one night stand with a guy named Tony!

My "Ah that's my Jam II" of the moment was Jamie Foxx's "Blame It" featuring T-Pain, was and is a hot song. I loved the song and I thought it was fitting to have it spotlighted as my jam especially since unfortunately it was on of the only songs I actually liked from Jamie's album....sorry but the truth. Now I personally can never really blame it on the aaaa-alcohol, but I have been saying all over the place blame it on...on something. The song Was addictive and catchy.

My "Throwback Album of Heavy Rotation," En Vogue's "Funky Divas," is one that I have never really put away for to long. However after my post about their very much promising reunion, in the En Vogue Is Back! post, I decided to pull it out it again. Now I mentioned in that post, that this album was start of my R&B collection. Back in the '93 this album was fire, and yes your boy YB&DL could appreciate it at a very young age. I knew good music when I heard it, I guess I had the ear back then. Anyway one of the reasons I love En Vogue is very apparent on this album, every single one of them can successfully pull off leading a song strongly. They all have a unique voice, that I can tell right off back who is singing, yet they cane come together a be a very unison sound, that blend harmoniously together. There is no one or two leads that lead every song. Each one them can sing and have multiple songs they lead. You just don't find that anymore, I just think that was and is rare for girl groups, you always had that stand out singer, yet I think everyone had their own favorite in En Vogue, because they all could sing.

For me personally I find this album to be timeless, by that I mean I really can't think of to many songs that you would call dated and just a song of the time, being the early 90s. I think some of the songs fit then, can fit now and fit when some of them were originally recorded, by other artist. The "Funky Divas" consisted of a few remakes, two of the from Aretha Franklin's "Sparkle" Soundtrack and one from the Beatles. A fan of both Aretha Franklin songs, I would have to say that "Giving Him Something He Can Feel," is by far one of my favorite songs on the album. The song, whether in the movie "Sparkle" or song by Dawn is still a sexy song, and the video was sexy as well. I think most of the songs on this album were hits, one right after the other, very few misses for me. However the ones I always look forward to hearing is "My Lovin'(You're Never Gonna Git It)" I love just the whole production of the song from beginning to end. I especially love the acapella breakdown and the middle portion of the song, when Maxine does her little lines, where she establishes, "I give to the needy not the greedy...hmm mmmhh that's right, see when you lockin' you loosin'....and I'm the door!" Other favorites of mine are "Give it up, Turn it Loose" and "What Is Love," probably because I liked Maxine on them. Lastly the rock infused "Free Your Mind," which is about prejudice and stereotypes. Although very different from any other song on the album, it doesn't seem like an odd fit. All in all I really love, this album and is in my top five of girl group albums.

Now I'm not going to even lie, when Hezekiah Walker divorced Monique Walker 10 years ago, I thought it would be the last time I heard from one of my favorite soloist. I mean it had been years and no music or anything about her surfaced. However one day I happened to be listening to one of Hezekiah Walker and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir's old albums, and I happened to think about Monique. I got home and Googled her name, and to my surprise, her name came up and a new album "My Genesis," appeared. "My Genesis" is the debut gospel album, from a music veteran. For some of you is unfamiliar with the power house Monique Walker, she was one of the lead soloist of Hezekiah Walker's Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, since the late 80s and early 90s to the Family Affair album in 1999, when they split up and divorced in the following years. In the "Let's Dance" music video, from the "Family Affair" album featuring David Hollister, she is the female soloist in the video, with the strong high cheek bones. Well anyway, after the "Family Affair II" release and the "20/85 The Experience," and still nothing was heard from Monique, I thought that she had went into Ex-spouse obscurity, and the last we heard of her singing on an album release ever again. However I am glad that I was wrong, with the album "My Genesis."

She named her debut album "My Genesis," after the first book and the beginning of the bible, and this being her new beginning. That is very much the theme that was carried through this album and through her songs. From songs like "Starting All Over" and "Right Now," she sings about how its her season and her time, to shine and reap her blessings from the Lord. This album has a very anointed impact from the beginning to the end. Although establishing herself as a solo artist and her own sound, she didn't stray to far from her roots as leading a choir. Half of the album is live with a choir or heavy music grouping of some sort and the other half is studio productions. Her first single "Crazy Praise," is just that a crazy praise, and just what a live production should do, make you feel like you are there. I for a moment get caught up and can actually image myself in the church sanctuary, being apart of this service and watching her sing and lead this song. I will have to say her ex husbands influences on her is very much apparent in certain songs like "More of Your Glory," and the way she directs the different sections, is a classic Hezekiah move. On one of my favorites songs on the album "Right Now," is without has that Love Fellowship Crusade Choir vibe written all over it. In the strong beat and everything from organ and I want to say the Hezekiah Walker horn sound. I can't put my finger on what is that sound, that distinguishes the Walker sound. I think this song has my favorite lyric on the whole album, "This is my season...this is my time, I'm not conceited, but I got to get mine!" Another one is the powerful and stirring, "Tried in the Fire," which is about how you can go through the fire, through so much in your life but with God you will come out your situation as gold.

Now for some it may seem weird that she would have a song on her debut solo album, from her past when she was singing with Hezekiah and the Love Fellowship Crusade Choir, like "Second Chance." However if you ever heard the lovely Ms. Walker perform this song you would know that she couldn't have her first solo album, without this song. Although Monique was lead soloist on many LFC Choir songs; "Second Chance" was her signature song, from the "Live in New York" album. It was her "I Will Always Love You" to Whitney Houston, it was her "I Will Survive" to Gloria Gaynor, her "Lady Marmalade" to Patti Labelle, it was the song she always sings. I have seen Hezekiah sing live multiple times, some with Monique and a couple post Monique, but there was never a song that brought down the house like Monique singing "Second Chance." It was always an emotional song that touches, and gets everyone. Now this is a different rendition than the "Live from New York" album. I don't know if it was purposely sung in the middle of the song or that's when they decided to start the live recording for the album or what, but I care for it when she starts off from the beginning, but still you get the effect of the song regardless. I will have to say the live recordings got me more than the studio productions, but they were still fire too. It's just she seems to shine more and really get you with a choir behind her and the powerfulness of the choir and probably the support of the audience. The heavily produced Darkchild singles "Greatest Gift" and "Trust and Believe," definitely gave her a new and different sound, that she probably needed to establish her self as a solo artist. However I think the soft sweet ballad "We Worship You," is by far the best studio song on the album. I just love that one. All in all this is an album to me was a very personal and powerful album, about trials and tribulations, and about making it through, with the grace of God. With his help anyone can cope and see the brighter day, that God has for us all. This is without a doubt an anthem album of claiming your season and what's for you no matter what anyone says, or you go through.

The Man, Who Doesn't Understand Men!

2009-06-03T17:31:00.003-04:00

This is one of those rare free thinking post of mine. I don't do these much. Well I do, but I don't post them. It's been a minute since I posted. I think I am sinking into old habits. I really tried to be a more frequent blogger, but I can't blame it on the a aaa aaaalcohol...I can however blame it on the la laa llaaaaziness. I have a Music of the Moment post that is over due and I have some other things I wanted to talk about. My lack of blogging unfortunately has nothing to do with lack of content to write about I always have something on my mind, however I'm not always getting it out there.

I have something on my mind right now, that I just can't keep in.

Now this is very hard for me to say, but I just don't understand....MEN!

There I said it. Y'all don't know how hard it is as a man, to say I don't understand other men. I feel stupid...confused...I feel less than a man, because I don't understand other men. I have done some...well I have done some things in my life, since having sex with other men, but not a moment have I really felt less than a man, then now that I realize I don't get my own sex.

Let me lay it on the line for you guys, when I first started getting with men, I for some reason thought it was going to be easy. They are guys, I'm a guy, we are...most of the time going to be on the same wavelength. However silly me, that's not the case at hand.

Alright let me, let you in on a little situation, the one that is bringing me to my frustration. I just literally got off the phone with the office, of well a guy, that...well...well I don't know what you would call us or what we are doing. We are just good "friends." I haven't mentioned him to you guys as of yet. I have mentioned him to a couple bloggers. Anyway he has been in and out the picture for a couple months. Right around when I was posting the Von post. Von by the way is still in the picture....well, he is and he isn't, but that's another post for another day...I will explain. Anyway back to what I was saying. So I just got off the phone with "Dude"'s office, right....and his secretary once again gave me..."He is in a meeting would you like to leave a message on his voicemail?" question again. Today I gave her a "No." Now some of you maybe asking what's wrong with that, he is at work he might be busy or in a meeting. I would be cool with that if he told me this, but he isn't telling me SQUAT!!!

He has turned me into Kerry Washington in Chris Rock's "I Think I Love My Wife." That's how I feel right now. In the movie when Chris Rock thinks that his friendship with Kerry Washington's character has gone to far and that he needs to end their friendship in his own fashion. What does Chris Rock do to address the matter, he stops taking her phone calls. No cell phone...no calls at work...no contact at all....except Chris Rock's secretary tells Kerry that Chris is busy or in a meeting, would she like to take a message. Kerry keeps calling and he keeps ignoring her calls or telling his secretary to tell her he is busy. That's how I feel right now. Like he is avoiding my calls. Now the only difference is that Kerry Washington had some idea, as to what she did, to push Chris to that point. I for that matter don't know why or what I have done....

The more I can't get in contact with him the more I want to get into contact with him to figure out, what's going on. I have tried several times since Friday to get in in touch with him. Let me explain myself...I am by no means a Bug-A-Boo. I don't call guys like that. I don't sweating guys like that, and I have my reasons I especially don't do that to him. I called him on Friday and couldn't leave a message on his cell phone. I tried on Saturday and the same thing happen, so what did I do...I called his job's voicemail to leave him a message, to call me. Monday came around and I heard nothing from him. I call yesterday morning, and she gave me he was busy. I called him again right before lunch to see if he wanted to grab a bite. I know when he goes to lunch, because we have been to lunch together. He has in fact called me on his lunch break to talk to me the whole time he was at lunch. I talked to him as I was out across town. I only left two messages yesterday, but still I got nothing in return from him.

Now I know he has done this before, not to me, but to another dude. He called me once to tell me about how this other DL dude he knows keeps blowing up his phone, and how why don't people get the message that you are not interested anymore. He went on to tell me that the dude called him 14 times and left 14 messages. I asked why didn't he just answer one of the guys calls and tell him, that he wasn't interested at all. He explained it to me, that he thought that the guy should have understood that he wasn't interested in him, because he stopped answering his calls. I explained to him that it would be better for both of them, if he just explained that he wasn't interested anymore.

Here I am on the same situation, except he is doing it to me, now! I don't understand that at all. That is such bitch like behavior. He's acting like a little Pussy. I am man enough to take whatever is the reason. I am just so unbelievably angry. Not only has he dissed me without word, but he has turned me into a calling Bug-A-Boo Nag!! I hate that.

Yesterday on the last message I told him that. I said exactly.."You are not trying to do me like ole dude and avoid my call, are you? I don't appreciate that, if that's what you are doing."

No offense, but that behavior I expect from Women. Women do the stop talking and not give you a reason why. I mean I really would understand the situation more if it was from a woman. I mean this reminds me of a friend of mine from high school. We were really close and cool. There was just one thing, when she would get mad at me, she would just stop talking to me for no reason...well her reason, but not a good reason. Now she never avoided me, she just stopped talking. I would ask her a question, and she acted as if I said nothing. If I asked her if there was a problem, she would nod no. Now it got crazy, we remained hagging out with the same people, yet she would just stop talking to me in the group. For example, we never stopped sitting at the same lunch table. In fact she would sit right across the table from me eating her pizza or turkey club and not say boo to me. She would talk to the person beside me, beside her but never to the dude across from her....me. It use to piss me off royally, because I never got to find out why I was being shut out, just like now. However I just let it go until she did. It happen a few times during high school. One time it was something stupid, like I laughed at her in front of Freshmen. It was always something stupid like that. One time I admit I was insensitive and mentioned she was acting goofy and something about maybe it was her time of the month. I asked her politely if she needed some Midol. However that led to like a two month silent treatment. Now A grown man is doing the same thing to me, however I have been completely on some grown and sexy tip with him and nothing stupid out of my mouth. Our last conversation was cool.

The last time we talked everything was cool. I just don't get guys however. For some reason I got her, I don't get him. This is not the only time I have run into guy behavior, that as a guy I don't understand. Do y'all know I was so tempted to actually buy Steve Harvey's "Think like a Man, Act like a Lady," just to see what it is that I am missing. Do you know what that makes me or says about me?...I know what it doesn't make me a man, that I need a book to try to understand another nigga. Reading a book geared to women to understadn my own sex. This is just like another straw on that pesky camel's back, that I don't get men...it's so many things.

A part of me just wants to call and leave a nasty message, but that's just not my style. I don't leave nasty messages, but I am on that level right now. This is the guy who told me, that as DL men, no matter who we lie to, we must always stay on the up and up when it comes to each other!
However what is he doing but not being up and up with me!

Not ready to be an Orphan...Part II

2009-05-21T06:13:00.000-04:00

I know I'm late on this, but this is in dedication of Mother's Day. I had decided to finish up on a post series I started last year. The conclusion to Not ready to be an Orphan Part I, since it was about my mother. Before the series...Are We there yet,Von, I received an email from a long time reader, but non commenter, about why I start stories in post and never finish or come back with the second part. This post is not only in dedication to the female motherer bloggers I know Southern Gal, Real Hustla, and Lady Nay, eventhough I don't think she reads my blog much anymore.I have enjoyed reading about O and Poca, and Ishmeal, and Real Hustla's other little girl, that I can't remember's name at this moment. I wanted to send out a belated Happy Mother's Day. I think Belated should be my middle name. Anyway better late than never right. I also wanted to send this out to one of my quiet blog readers Baij, who wanted to know what happen to my mother, if you are still out there, here it is, just as I had started many many months ago.

It amazes me how sometimes when you are going through something, you read something, or watch something, or talk to someone, that has a story that resonates with what you are going through at that same time. Well mine happen to be an episode of Frazier rerun. i happen to be watching this rerun the night before my mother's operation. In this episode Niles has some odd luck, some weird things happen and he thinks his chances have been to good, and based off something a friend tells him, he decides to go to the doctor. Well just like my mother he thinks everything is going to check out all right, but they find something on the test and decide that Niles needs to have surgery on his heart right away. Well in the follow up episode, that came on right after it, Niles is in the hospital, had has some flashbacks about other events that happen right there in that hospital, in his life. He describes how if hospital walls could talk what would they say about you.

Well, as I walked through one of the hospital's lobbies the morning of my mother's operation. I couldn't help think about that very same thing. Although this hospital has three different lobbies and main entrance. There Is one I remember always going into. As me and my mom and her surgery day entourage head to the set of elevators for her check-in I pass some club chairs that I remember sitting in one other occasion. Although from my mom's house, there is at least 4 hospitals I can think of off the top of my head that is in a 10-15 minute radius of her house, one being an university hospital, I can truly say I only remember experience with one hospital growing up. We lived in only two different houses, growing up, and they were only 5 minutes apart really. I was still in the same school district. Anyway as I walked into this familiar surroundings. I thought about my history in this hospital. As I was saying as I walked across the marble floors that morning and passed by the different sets of club chairs, I couldn't help but think about my experiences there. I started to think...really if these hospital walls could talk...

I would think it would say to me, You again?...long time no see. My how you have grown. boy time sure does fly...

This was the hospital that little over a couple decades ago my mother was told by my father you did good. That a nurse asked her, "...That's right, you haven't seen your son yet, have you? Now let me say this I see a lot of babies but I will have to admit Mrs. Black your son is the prettiest baby in the nursery right now." See back in the 80s when women had C-section, they knocked you completely out. Not like now, where from what I understand a woman's body is just numb from the neck or chest down, and they are awake for the whole thing. I was 6 or 8 hours old, before my mother saw me...
This was the same hospital where my father told my mother, to go down to the cafeteria to get him something, when I got my tonsils taken out. He wanted to be alone with me. As soon as she left, it was business time. We did what we did best negotiated. In order for me to be discharged from the hospital, I had to drink so much liquid. At that point I had drunk nothing, because it felt like razors going down. He knew me well back then, and propositioned me. If I drunk the required amount, I could rent 5 movies of whatever I wanted. I countered with 10. In the end we settled on 8 but I had to drink more than the required, to make him look good. By the time my mother got back all liquids had been consumed for the doctors. As crazy as it sounds for a 7 year older, I believe I ended up with everyone of the Police Academy movies...
This was the same hospital, where a year later, my grandmother visiting out from out of town, said she just didn't feel good and was rushed into the emergency room. Who was taken from this world, by God, that same evening, on Mother's Day...
This was the same hospital, a couple years ago, where a nurse asked my father was he alright?...and if he needed anything, to let her know and that she was going to leave the door open just in case..." This being after I snapped after another nurse and told her, "Yes he is fine, now leave us alone, now!" My heated words about things he had done in the past and after not seeing him for quite some time, filling the hallways, and scaring nurses...
This was the same hospital where the next day I finally let my years of anger towards him go, and forgave him...
This was the same hospital where one year later, I ran in and was greeted on those same marble floors and was told to sit in those same club chairs and told that, I was 5 minutes too late, and that my father died 5 minutes ago...

The stories and history of me and this particular hospital are endless and even more detailed. Even though it's a building I can't help but think of it as an old friend who has been watching you grow up and hold all your past. As we got onto the elevators, I couldn't help but think about what else journey the two of us will experience together. How else will it play a part in my life.

We go to the 4th floor, where my mother checks in. It's about 5:30 in the morning. One of the first surgeries of the day. I didn't sleep much the night before...well not at all to be honest. Had nothing to do anxiety or nervousness. Just wasn't sleepy, for some reason. Am attractive brown skin woman at the massive desk takes her into the code access doors and tells me and the entourage to wait 15 minutes. We all were quite, my family being completely quite is...well...it isn't completely normal, that's for sure. They same lady, not sure if she is a nurse or what, she is dressed quite professional and and stylish, comes back out to tell us we can go in, for a few minutes before they start prep and anaesthesia. We head back to where she is. She is out of her clothes and has on her hospital gown and laying out in a bed, in a prep area, with her anaesthesiologist. apparently talking to him about his career...how do I know, when I walk in she has to tell me all about what exactly he does, and for me to talk to him. Always on the hunt for a career path for me, that she thinks is mom approved and that she would want for me to have and pursue. To the very end she is worried about my future. Her words are always, "You are a parent to the day you die!" We all say a family prayer. That's when I can't handle it anymore. I look down at her, as my time back there is coming to an end, and we have to leave and it really hits me then, everything that is truly about to go down. This past several days, since the cauterization, I haven't got upset or cried, or thought really much at all about it. I felt almost numb. We just took care of business. She went through were all the import paperwork and insurance policies were. We went down the to do list she put together; shutters and doors painted, driveway reglazed, extensive cleaning. She said, that out of the normal company was going to be stopping by the house while she was in the hospital, and she didn't want things looking tacky. Of course she had to throw in, that if anything happen to her, she didn't want people saying she kept a tacky house. My aunt would add, "As if anyone would think of that from you!" Through all of this time not an inch of emotion from me. However realization finally hit me in this last minute, and I couldn't take it anymore. I broke down. I don't cry as much as an adult as I use too. I especially don't like to cry in front of others. I keep it together and in until i am alone, but you gets not show out of me. However I couldn't take it anymore and just broke down,I did one of those kid cries. As I was in the arms of one of my aunts, I mouthed to her, "Don't you leave me." She gave me what felt like the weakest smile that she could muster up and mouthed back "I'll try." Then she gave me that everything is okay smile, that I learned from her. I wiped my eyes and pulled away from my aunt, and told myself to get it together. I grabbed her purse, and the bag she had all the things she wore into the hospital, and we head back to the waiting area.

Sometimes I feel like things really do happen for a reason. The current one being me not sleeping the night before. As soon as we went back into the waiting, that was on another floor, sleepiness fell on me. There was several couches and we camped out and waited during the surgery. I had gotten some New blankets from the stylish sista who escorted, when my mother check-in, before going back to another floor. The only time I woke up was when we all went to the cafeteria for breakfast. The hospital has a McDonald's in it, but I wanted something different that a biscuit or hot cakes. I ate a waffle and bacon and cheese omelet freshly prepared the chef in the cafeteria, and went back up to her floor and went back to sleep. I was up worried or having my mind think about the unknown future or certainty. Here's the thing about bypass surgery, they actually take your heart out of your body and work on it. It's actually an amazing thing, when you think about it. They take your body down to a temperature of in the 60's I believe it is, I could be wrong, but I believe that's correct, and they take your heart out of your body. They cut you open, and open up your rib cage. They take a vein out of your leg and bypass reconnect heart with the veins over the blocked arteries. While under anything can happen, either a heart attack or stroke. The heart is what gives your body life. From 6 that morning, when we left her side until about 2:30 I was under, what felt like a deep sleep, except for the time we ate breakfast and the time the moved us to a different floor, where she had been moved. I was knocked out, in a peaceful sleep. I was woken up once and told that the had incurred a slight problem and had to go back in. Other than that it felt as if I had been drugged. I feel like that was all under a Divine plan. For the last few hours it was a little worry, because of the having to go back, because there was slight leakage of some sort. Still not quite sure what that meant.

Around 3, we got the call into waiting room, and told that two members at a time could come back to the double doors, where the doctor will meet us and see her. Me and my aunt Cece were the first two. As I walked down the ICU hall, and the doctor talking about what was going on I wasn't hearing a word he was saying. I needed to see my mother. As I walked into her ICU room, I was a little taken back, at what I saw. There my mother was wrapped up like a mummy by blankets and covers, with tubes and vets coming from her to machines. They had to have her covered up like that, to keep her warm after bringing her body temperature down so far. The only thing visible was right around her face.

After different rounds of two saw her for 5 minutes, the doctor told us the best thing to do is let her rest. He told us that there wasn't anything left for us to do at the hospital, and for us to go home and rest, and come back later that evening. He gave us the number to her private ICU nurse, and that we can call anytime we like and get a check up on her from the private nurse. We left and back around 8 that night, and still she had not woke up out of the anaesthesia. The nurse told us that everyone reacts differently and has different times of coming out of it. I call back at 11 that night, and she still was out of it. The next morning around 6:30, we get a call from the ICU floor, that around 4:30 AM my mother woke up. Her account is that two men lifted her up and shook her awake. The nurse insist that they never lift patience and shake them. My mother holds on to that feeling however. We I went back to see her, that morning. She greeted me with a weak smile. Her body was still very tired. It had been thrown a lot. I smiled and talked to her for a few minutes. She then mouthed to me "I didn't leave you." I mouthed back, "No you didn't."

The last few months of last year were kinda rough and rocky on her way back to recovery. I might go into some other time. This Mother's Day, I was quite thankful to have her. That I had another one to be with her and to show her how much I love her. I know there are many who can't say that. She is one of them.This Mother's Day was a particularly hard one. Although it was many years ago, as I said above, my grandmother died on Mother's Day. This year however Mother's Day was the exact day she died in May, over a decade ago. My mother says it may get easier, but never stop missing your mother, wants they are gone.

Chris Brown, You Can't Even Hold My Baby!

2009-05-15T07:44:00.001-04:00

Okay I was writing and working on another post, that has actually been kind of hard for me to write about, but I think perhaps is needed for me to talk about, who knows. However that post will be reschedule for this post right here. This too is also delayed. I started writing this Saturday, but things came up...blah blah blah. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't a day late and a dllar short! So here is the post from Saturday.

Okay so today I've had a busy Saturday. Did a lot of things and tried to get a lot done today. Well, during my day today, there happens to be a certain subject that keeps resurfacing its ugly face, the subject once again is the Rhianna and Chris Brown, the saga. Now actually today, when I changed my Heavy Rotation and Moments on the right side panel, I was going to change my post signature and moniker "YB&DL has got Chris Brown's Back," to something else. Now I was only planning on having it up until April 6, which was his first court appearance, but decided to keep it until the whole thing went away. Here it is May and it's still not over yet. Today though I really was planning on changing it, because I was tired of seeing it. However today I keep getting, that whole saga, back in my face. I know everybody is so over hearing this, I know I am. However, people are still hanging on to their feelings about the whole mess though, and well I guess I am too.

Let me start with earlier today, when I went to go get an oil change and tire rotation. Well in the customer lounge and waiting room I decided to read some of their monthly subscription literature. There was the usual waiting room magazine's like People, Time, Readers Digest, US Weekly, and Home and Garden. However there was a couple unusual in my opinion like Vogue, Elle, and Vibe magazine. I thought that Vogue and Elle subscriptions were a little unusual for a auto and tire shop, then again it was in a suburban area, however that didn't explain the Vibe magazines. Now I have seen Ebony and Essence in certain places, the more...uh...white known black magazines, but the Vibe in the area I was in, just threw me. I decided to pick up last weeks copy of US Weekly, with Heidi Klum and Seal on the cover. They are apparently having baby number 4. Now this is completely off the subject but I have to comment on this for a moment. Now I get they have money and whatnot and Seal...loves when Heidi is pregnant, because he met her when she was pregnant, and she has been pregnant most of their relationship and she is never more beautiful than when she is pregnant...I heard him say that in some interview once after the last baby, but 4 babies is a lot nowadays. I sure he might mean it it, but Seal is trying to ruin Heidi for any other man, if they don't work out in the future, well at least for white guys. It's official he is turning her into one of those white woman who can never go back to white guys, because she has three or more biracial children. A white guy might deal with one or two, but three or more, we might as well issue her a black card because it's a wrap for white guys. I mean here we are at baby 4 and I'm sure it's not the last one, I feel it in my bones. I mean they are not giving her uterus much break either. The ages are 5, 3, 2 and one on the way. I'm sorry I'm sure they want a girl too, but I hope to God it's another boy, because the way she has those boys hair now, I would just feel bad if they had a little girl. I mean they have those boys running around looking straight like "momma do my hair!" I mean I sure a comb has never made its way into those Freddie from A Different World mops, they have on their heads. All I am saying is can you image the poor little girl with that wild do and older sis hair looking all in place.

Anyway back to the subject at hand. Well in this copy of US Weekly, there is a poll about Chris Brown. They have a picture of Chris Brown holding a fan's white baby, since the Rihanna Grammy "situation." That's what I'm going to call it a "situation." Anyway the question they asked or polled people, was "Would you let Chris Brown hold your baby since the domestic dispute?" or something of that nature, I can't quite remember the exact words. However what I did remember was that 67% said NO! Okay are you kidding me. I don't know what I find crazier the fact that they even asked that question to people or that 67% said "Hell Naw," and I'm sure that's how they actually answered the question. Is it really at that point. People are afraid for him to hold their babies. Its not like he is going to bite and beat a baby. When I think about this poll I think about a post I read on this celebrity blog,I guess you can call it. Another blogger turned me onto this site, it's not a gossip site but a celebrity news blog. They do interviews and show pictures, anyway the Blogger wrote about how earlier this month they sent out a "Happy Birthday To Chris Brown" on Twitter, and instantly lost 10 Twitter followers. I mean it was just two years a go he was getting a personal birthday call from Micheal Jackson on MY Sweet 16 show and now he can't get a simple happy birthday from anyone anymore. He can't hold babies and can't get a "It's your birthday!" anymore...I mean people truly feel like Chris Brown is a Monster!

After reading US Weekly, I moved on to Vibe magazine. I first read last month's issue with Keisha Cole on the cover and male model spread with Tyson Beckford and a bunch of hot negros in it. I then moved onto this month's current issue with Rhianna on the cover, with the headline "Rhianna & Chris What's Love Got To Do With It?" Referring to Tina Turner's 80's hit and the name of here autobiographically movie about her abusive relationship with Ike Turner. In the article they even refer to Chris Brown as a "New-school Ike" now was it not me that wrote a couple months ago about how Chris Brown is no Ike Turner. I knew it was coming in print soon enough, with that comparison. Now even though the article was about both Rihanna and Chris Brown, they just had her on the cover, I'm guessing they were to afraid to have him on the cover also. Fear that even the mere picture of him, would cost them sales. Jet earlier this month had him gracing the cover with Rihanna and now I here they are having sales difficulties...a connection perhaps? I don't think so, but ironic nonetheless. Let me first say that this has got to be the best article I have read on the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation yet. I left reading the article thinking I have got to start reading Vibe more often.

The article had so much in it, but I will try to sum it up for you.

I love how they start the article with a 2007 interview of Chris Brown. He talks bout being young and in the spotlight...."Being Young, you always have to have a wholesome image. But I'm not perfect, no body's perfect. I'm just a regular guy. I don't try to pretend like 'Oh, I'm so nice and I'm such a God'." He then talks about his tattoos that his manger was so mad that he gets. She feels every tattoo is another album sale lost. In the 2007 interview he describes the meanings of his tattoos. One being ninjas in dark to light. It represented his life and how he was a bad child doing wrong things but trying to follow his own path to the light. That he had demons as a child that he use to fight all the time. His demons was his hatred for his mom's abusive relationships boyfriends and step father. He goes on to say, "Seeing images like that as a kid, you want to inherit what you see, so he promised himself he would never that that kind of dude...How I'm never going to be that person that lets an argument get that that I would put a woman and child in that position." Demons I guess got the best of him that night in that car. The rest of the article was just eye opening. Even the background on Rihanna, was eye opening. What got me was that Rihanna's father the man who has been so vocal in the Rihanna camp and wanting justice against Chris Brown, is a man who has been addicted to crack for 25 years and who own daughter was so happy when he left her and her mother, when she was 14.

The rest of the article is a sorta rise and fall of the two. How they met in 2005, when they both were about to be signed to Def Jam at the same time, but she got signed and his A&R person got fired a day before he was to be signed. That A&R person would become his long term manager Tina. Let me just say this. After reading this article.I even more now feel that Chris Brown and manager Tina have been hittin' it for a minute now. From the time at Def Jam to when he got signed to Jive and released his album, he live with Tina Davis. I just feel it. They were shopping for music deals and she was teaching him how to work the media. It talked about them dating to that dreadful night.

There was something that caught my attention. When they interviewed some witnesses at the club where the Grammy Party they attended that night was thrown, they gave some interesting insight. The tension between the two started earlier in the day at rehearsal. Rihanna got very upset and a fight started in the dressing room earlier that day, about Chris hugging the club manger that he knew. Chris Brown's dancer's think Rihanna is crazy and insane flips out on him whenever her super jealousy comes out. They say there is two Chris Brown's the one who come out gregarious, joking, and performing, when he is by himself and other Chris Brown that comes in with Rihanna and doesn't move doesn't look anywhere but at her, that doesn't speak to anyone but her, and that is completely terrified to look in the wrong direction or talk to the wrong person. Now add that little combination to his other pressures and you have you boiling point.

The most insight full was Chris Brown's former bodyguard and Rihanna's current bodyguard, Chris Bush. Chris Brown gave him to Rihanna, I guess he felt she needed him more, as her 24-hour a day guard. He said that Chris was under so much restraints and pressure..."It's like caging a pit-eventually he's gonna lash out.I don't blame lil' homie. Whatever allegedly took place could have been prevented a long time ago, it just so happened to be this situation. It took place only due to repressed frustration. There is so many leeches around BOTH of them."

I feel he was under so much pressure. He has to be one thing, that his manager is trying to portray. He has to be one thing for everybody pushed by his manager and one way for his girlfriends, he has parazzi after him, whenever him and Rihanna are together they have people following them with cameras, add that with her being the crazy jealous girlfriend, who probably wants to smell his dick when he comes in to see if it smells like another women...and who wants to bet she has done that at least once. The boy exploded that night! I once again feel like this is not a case of on going domestic abuse like Ike Turner, but a case of over aggression getting quite out of hand!

After reading this article to be quite honest I felt bad. By the end of the article when Chris Bush, said they were the two of the most kind hearted people who in the industry, but were just thrown into turmoil, I just wanted to hug both of them. I really do feel sorry for both Chris and Rihanna, more for Chris than Rihanna however. She seems to be moving on going to rock concert the Met Gala and whatnot, seen all over town. Chris on the other hand is being portrayed as a potential baby beating man, can't get a happy birthday nigga sitting on a bench.

Okay I'm always apparently missing a Chris Brown spotting. The other week, My cousin called me and told me he saw Chris again. He is either seeing him at the gym or at the mall. Anyway he called me as said "Oh by hte way I saw Chris Brown the other day."
"Oh yeah, what was he doing?"
"Just chillin"
"Chillin?...chillin where?"
"Chillin on a bench."
10 second pause
"What do you mean chillin on a bench?"
"I mean he was just sitting on a bench"
Another 10 second pause
"Are you telling me Chris Brown was waiting on a bus bench?"
"No he was not waiting on a bus, he was just sitting on a bench at the mall"
"You sure he wasn't waiting on a bus, things are mighty bad lately?"
"I'm sure, he was just sitting there looking sad"
"Don't people be looking sad when they were once driving a Lambo and now are sitting on a bench."
"Don't worry, I saw the blue Lambo in hte parking lot of the mall"

Now I have heard on the radio and online, that they are both going through emotional things right now. Both are taking to alcohol, to heal their wounds. Rihanna drinking Vodka like it's water...don't know how much that is true. Chris loosing 15 or 20 pounds. I don't know, but my heart goes to the both of them. People say they want to be famous and they want this and that kind of life. Sometimes you need to be careful what you wish for, because there might be strings attached.

All I know is let me run into Chris Brown he would certainly get a ear full out of me. I truly have ideas for him, to turning his life around and this situation. Let me just run into him one time on a bench. He would thank his lucky stars. That's all I have to say, that and apparently YB&DL has still got Chris Brown's Back!

I'll Be Your Diamond Boy

2009-04-28T07:28:00.001-04:00

"I'm your Diamond Boy
The one you put the rock on
I'm your Diamond Boy
The one that you quit the game for"

If none of you recognize these revised lyrics, than I guess y'all don't check out my "Ah That's My Jam" of the Moments, at least to hear them once. This is the hook for Ryan Leslie's "Diamond Girl" with a little twist from me. It was like my Jam a few months back I believe. I don't know why but this song has been running through my head lately. It's what actually inspired this post, well sorta...at least the title anyway. To be honest what really inspired this post, is the fact that...well I just had a birthday. Not going to say when, but it was this month. I didn't post about it, like I didn't last year, because I don't like to talk about my birthday. I have my reasons. I will get to them in a minute.

Here's something funny, twice this month, I've heard from people, who find out my birthday was this month, something on the line of..."Dang...your birthday is this month, every person I've met who was born in April, have been some arrogant people" Okay how are you just going to group us all like that. You didn't think I was arrogant before you found out, did you? Well maybe they did and just ignored it. This has not been the first time I've heard the comment. However this comment is usually followed after hearing I'm an Aries. I remember this one conversation a few years ago, with some co-workers of mine. When one of them found out I was an Aries it open up this flood gate.

Co-worker 1: "You are an Aries?...Oh that makes so much sense now"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Co-worker 1: "Well when I first met you, I thought you was an uppity little negro!"
Me:"What?!"
Co-worker 1:"Yeah I was like look at this nigga acting like his shit don't stink."
Me: Mouth gaped open
Co-Worker 2: "You too...I thought I was the only one who thought that!"
Co-worker 1: Laughs "No you were not alone"
Co-Worker 2: "When I first met Young I was like...uh attitude...excuse me for breathing"
Co-Worker 1: "Won't he though?...all cold acting and chili...nigga think he cute or something... with that face of his that he makes"

Meanwhile my head is flying from one person to the other just speechless as they compare notes and memories about how cold, uppity and arrogant they first I was, as if I'm not standing right there. I have to admit I had never heard this about myself before then. Let me just say this job I first started when I was a senior in High school. Co-worker 2 was a female part timer like me and Co-Worker 1 was a full time department supervisor.

Co-Worker 2: "Yeah he was, but now that I know him, he's a sweetheart! I love him!"
Co-Worker 1: "Yeah he aight...I guess. Still acts like his shit don't stink sometimes" and Laughs

Let me just say this. I know when to turn it on and off. Sometimes it's a lot easier to turn it off than to turn the "Boy you so crazy" on. When I go onto a new job, that gets turned off quick, fast, and in a hurry. So yes I might come off quit, aloof, and distance. I think it's the dumb folk, that come onto a job, acting like they no everything, and how everybody operates. I don't I am in feel you out mode with my co-workers and I am in getting myself settle vibe. I am like that in a lot of situations, where I am not the most comfortable. now when need be I will turn the charm button on and smile and give you warm, but if not necessary, then you don't get it.

I will admit I cam be a bit bougie and uppity at times. There I said. I know me. I am not the nigga you call to keep it real...to keep it street...to keep it hood! You call me, you will get "Oh man naw I can't do the keeping it Hood tonight. But yo call me next week when you want to keep it Bougie, I got you on that, for real...aight then see you then!"

Anyway I don't really like to celebrate my birthday, because I feel its another year older and another year I haven't made it to where I'm suppose to be in my life. I remember, I believe it was 8th grade, when we had to write out out 10 or 15 year life plan and goals. My my age now I should have finished my Bachelors Summa Cum Laude, and either working up that corporate ladder or working on my Masters or MBA. I should be in a serious relationship with my college sweetheart and either married or engaged. I read at the time that most people find their spouses while in college. So I figured I would find the future Mrs. Young Black by then. In a few years I would be working on baby one, but have a new dog by now. That was the plan, and I really thought that was how it was going to play out. Look at me now. On my umteenth major, still working on getting that one done...be lucky if I graduate Thank U Summa Lawdy! Master or MBA yeah right! Not sure what I want for my career path. Not doing bad on the job front but not a career as I would say. No need to discuss that whole getting married crap, you know how that's going. The future Mrs. Young Black, yeah right! I guess I feel like I'm not fulfilling my potential. I was at city Hall a few weeks ago taking care of some business, had to file some papers, anyway I saw a friend from high school. When I saw her with her business suit and a briefcase, it made me want to go the other way. She wanted to work in the government, she was in the Model UN and other things, and guess what...she works in the government. I feel like I'm all over the place however. And another birthday rolls around and...well kinda a failure...I'm no where near my plan. I know plans change but....ehhh

Wow how did that happen? How did I go from talking about being a diamond boy to a pity party. No matter if I am where I want to be at 23 or not...I will always be a Diamond Boy! To be honest I think that fits me. I think the diamond is classic style and timeless. I think that's me...lol I can't image any other birthstone. It's simple in composition, but when the light hits it, can't nothing beat it reflection and shine. And no that's not arrogance, just calling it as I see it! A diamond means "Everlasting love"...now if that doesn't scream me then I don't know what does people. A diamond is versatile, and like me You can dress me up and you can dress me down. There is some birthstones that is either or. You really can't dress down Sapphires or Ruby, how can you dress those things down? Then take the Peridot and the Citrine, those are hard things to dress up. However every Socialite and Rapper can tell you you can dress a diamond up or down. It means strength and invincibility...I mean hello! I am like the diamond I endure in your hearts forever...forever and ever?...FOREVER!! I feel very diamond like, I feel its me!

I feel that's the only upside to being born in April. I mean the whole pollen thing is so not me. I mean if y'all could see my eyes right now, good lawd. Y'all would be like, "WOW, now were you born with red eyes or are those contacts?...and why is you crying, did your dog die?" The sunglasses get there wear out of me during the Spring for sure. I embrace the April Showers, that is me! I'm mean I'm not exactly a spring guy other than that. I love the warm rain. Any who here is my rambling post to the month of April...I was all over the place wasn't I...hmmm

I am your Diamond BOY!!!!!!
and yes my stuff don't stink...

Prayers for Pops and Soulchild vs. Slim

2009-04-23T08:08:00.002-04:00

My Prayers Goes out to The Family of
David "Pop" Winans Sr.
(April 8, 1934 - April 8, 2009)
I would like to send out my prayers and condolences to the Winans family. This month they lost their patriarch, David "Pop" Winans Sr, at the age of 74. I always considered the Winans, as the Gospel Jacksons. I know how crazy that sounds, but every one of them can sing. I mean they are truly a legendary family. I mean every one of the can sing and is talented. It only seems like yesterday that I saw all of them in the Together We Stand Tour. Where Pop and Mom Winans along with The Winans, BeBe and Cece, Daniel, Angie And Debbie, and Winans Phase II all performed together in concert. I'm glad they were able to come together before the two major deaths in the family. It was truly an amazing and anointed concert. However that was like in 2003 actually I believe. Even though Pop was the patriarch of the family his son Ronald preceded him a few years ago. I love pops and Mom Winans. I actually remember Pop and Mom Winans first album, like from the early 90s, maybe even late 80s, I'm not sure, I just know I had to be real little. It was during the dreaded tape cassette period. I actually remember one song, from when I was real little. It was a song with them singing and reminiscing about when their children were little, and gospel music around the house. I think they had little kids or their own grad kids singing in the background. I remember them on the Stellar Awards, on the rotating stage back then too, not sure what they were singing, but I remember it. Anyway just doing a little reminiscing of my own...Pop Winans will be greatly missed, not just by his family either.

My first canidate for "Battle of the R&B Crooner" of the Moment is Musiq Soulchild's "Onmyradio." I have every single Musiq Soulchild CD's , including when he cut the Soulchild off during the "Soulstar" album period. This is classic music from Musiq. However I'm not going to lie his first single, "Radio," was a bit of a change for him, and I liked it. It was a heavy hip hop/rap beat, kinda hard up tempo sound. I think that people would be very surprised about this change for him. I liked it, I would kinda like to hear more of this from him. It had kind of a crunk sound to it. Anyway I don't really have to say what my favorite song on the album is, my previous "Ah That's My Jam" of the Moment, "Ifuleave" featuring Mary J. Blige. This goes down as one of my favorite duets for the both of them. Some other shining songs for me was "Sobeautiful" another soft and touching love song. Another song that got a lot of play from me, was "DearJohn." In this song Musiq breaks up with his girlfriend in today's new Dear John letter way, via the cell phone. I think its kinda funny, even though I'm not sure it's suppose to be. Overall the rest of the album, is kinda the classic deep and moving Neo-soul classic vibe.

VS.

My second canidate for "Battle of the R&B Crooner" of the Moment, is Slim's "Love's Crazy." My cousin was in my car, when I was playing this, and he said one funny but real thing. He said, "If this is Slim's solo album, then he must have been 112, because this sounds just like a 112 album!" The truth to it is that out of 112, Slim did have the most distinctive voice, you may not always know whether it was Q, Mike, or Daron singing solo, but you always knew when Slim's high falsetto voice, was singing. Slim's "Love's Crazy" album very much seems like an extension of an 112 album. I think personally Slim's voice distinguished 112 from other 90s R&B groups. His first solo effort, to me was a very good one. He had a nice compilation of high tempo and ballets. Some of his shining moments was his first single, "So Fly" feat. Yung Joc. and "Good Lovin" featuring Fabolous and Ryan Leslie. His duet with Faith Evans, "So Gone" was definitely a good one, I think it would have made a perfect third single, release for his album. I think my favorite would definitely been the midnight storm-esque, "Bedtime Stories," a great song to make love to. It just had that flow and sexiness. His voice never really changes from his high tempo to his slow jams, but he works both successfully.

I really don't have a winner between the two, Musiq and Slim both had decent albums. Is it the best work from either one of them?...hmm I wouldn't say that. It however is Slim's first solo effort, so I have no solo music to compare it to. However I wouldn't say this is Musiq's best work, still good music nonetheless. I will say this, I think I played Slim's album a little bit more than Musiq's.

Most people, when you mention the group Playa, don't remember them. Whenever I tell someone about Plays,I alwasy get..."Who?" Playa was a group from the mid 90's. They only put out one album, although rumors are that they recorded others. If you remember when Missy Elliot and Timberland first came out, they had their clique called the "SupaFriends." Well, that consisted of Playa, Ginuwine, Missy, Timbaland, the Late Great Aaliyah, Magoo, and Nicole Wray, they were always in the videos together and whatnot. Playa was one of the prodigy's of music, in my opinion, most talented yet unfortunate gems Jodeci's Devante Swing. Playa along with Missy, Ginuwine, and Timberland, all were developed under Devante. However they never produced any public music under him. Well, Playa's "Cheers 2 U" is for sure one of my favorite albums by a male group. I love this album. It really some up my general taste for music. It's rare that I skip any songs when I listen to this album. As much as I like this album, it's hard to name my favorites, because I like the vibe of the whole thing. I would have to say though, my truly favorite song, would have to be the collaboration, with one of my favorite artist of all time, the Late Great Aaliyah in "One Man Woman." I really love this song. Off the top of my head though "Miss Parker" featuring Miss Elliot, is definitely a good one too, a great mid-tempo song. The album self title track "Cheers 2 U" and Together would have to round it out too. I am without a doubt a fan. They really don't make boy bands like this anymore. I really wish they had put out their other albums.

Although I am a fan, and a big music head. I never put together that Stephen "Static Major" Garrett, was the Static of Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" song, until late last year. Static Major died last year, I forget from what, but I think it was of natural causes. He was only in his early 30s too. he died young, and I don't think we truly saw his full potential and talent. I am really sadden that Static died before his solo album was released. I am looking out for it. He produced "Lollipop" and he produced and wrote several hits for Ginuwine and the late great Aaliyah, by the way, that is how I will always refer to her. Maybe now the unreleased music from Playa will be released in a tribute album.

My "Ah That's My Jam" of the Moment, Bobby Valentino's "Beep" featuring Lil' Kim, Ludacris, and Lil' Wayne, was definetely that song that had me on fire everytime, it came on the radio or I was in my car. Just makes you want to let your windows down, and crank up the volume.

My "Ah That's My Jam II" of the Moment, Jazmine Sullivan's "Lion, Tigers, and Bears," this song speaks to me on so many levels. I guess I really relate to what she is saying. I might not be scared of this and that, but I am scared of loving you. Love is very much a scary thing.

My Inspirational Music of the Moment, is Kierra Sheard's "Bold Right Here." Kiki truly continues the Clark legacy, with this CD, and does it well. All though this is like her forth CD, she hasn't lost it yet. In fact I think she is getting better. You would think that the young gospel singer would loose their message and the love of God, trying to cross markets and targets, but she doesn't do that at all. I don't think she compromises herself or her message from the Lord at all. She has praise songs and soul stirring songs all on here. Now granted on the first few songs like, "Won't hold Back," "Wave Your Banner," and "Boyfriend," you might question is it a gospel album or an R&B/Pop album based off of the beat and hooks. However you really have to listen to the words. I love "Boyfriend," which is a song about how unlike a man who wont return your message and a mans games, GOD is the best boyfriend you will ever had. How her boyfriend, GOD, is her best friend and the one she can always count and her true love. I think it's cute.

Her first single "Praise Him Now," is so Clark Familyish. I actually thought it was her mother, Karen Clark-Sheard, the first time I heard it on the radio. It is a very powerful song. Rounding out my favorite songs I would have to say "Love Like Crazy," even though it doesn't really sound like a gospel song at all. I definitely recommend this album for those who are a little nervous about traditional gospel. You can jam to this and get an inspirational message. Your jamming might turn into a shout.