Wednesday, June 3, 2009
This is one of those rare free thinking post of mine. I don't do these much. Well I do, but I don't post them. It's been a minute since I posted. I think I am sinking into old habits. I really tried to be a more frequent blogger, but I can't blame it on the a aaa aaaalcohol...I can however blame it on the la laa llaaaaziness. I have a Music of the Moment post that is over due and I have some other things I wanted to talk about. My lack of blogging unfortunately has nothing to do with lack of content to write about I always have something on my mind, however I'm not always getting it out there.
I have something on my mind right now, that I just can't keep in.
Now this is very hard for me to say, but I just don't understand....MEN!
There I said it. Y'all don't know how hard it is as a man, to say I don't understand other men. I feel stupid...confused...I feel less than a man, because I don't understand other men. I have done some...well I have done some things in my life, since having sex with other men, but not a moment have I really felt less than a man, then now that I realize I don't get my own sex.
Let me lay it on the line for you guys, when I first started getting with men, I for some reason thought it was going to be easy. They are guys, I'm a guy, we are...most of the time going to be on the same wavelength. However silly me, that's not the case at hand.
Alright let me, let you in on a little situation, the one that is bringing me to my frustration. I just literally got off the phone with the office, of well a guy, that...well...well I don't know what you would call us or what we are doing. We are just good "friends." I haven't mentioned him to you guys as of yet. I have mentioned him to a couple bloggers. Anyway he has been in and out the picture for a couple months. Right around when I was posting the Von post. Von by the way is still in the picture....well, he is and he isn't, but that's another post for another day...I will explain. Anyway back to what I was saying. So I just got off the phone with "Dude"'s office, right....and his secretary once again gave me..."He is in a meeting would you like to leave a message on his voicemail?" question again. Today I gave her a "No." Now some of you maybe asking what's wrong with that, he is at work he might be busy or in a meeting. I would be cool with that if he told me this, but he isn't telling me SQUAT!!!
He has turned me into Kerry Washington in Chris Rock's "I Think I Love My Wife." That's how I feel right now. In the movie when Chris Rock thinks that his friendship with Kerry Washington's character has gone to far and that he needs to end their friendship in his own fashion. What does Chris Rock do to address the matter, he stops taking her phone calls. No cell phone...no calls at work...no contact at all....except Chris Rock's secretary tells Kerry that Chris is busy or in a meeting, would she like to take a message. Kerry keeps calling and he keeps ignoring her calls or telling his secretary to tell her he is busy. That's how I feel right now. Like he is avoiding my calls. Now the only difference is that Kerry Washington had some idea, as to what she did, to push Chris to that point. I for that matter don't know why or what I have done....
The more I can't get in contact with him the more I want to get into contact with him to figure out, what's going on. I have tried several times since Friday to get in in touch with him. Let me explain myself...I am by no means a Bug-A-Boo. I don't call guys like that. I don't sweating guys like that, and I have my reasons I especially don't do that to him. I called him on Friday and couldn't leave a message on his cell phone. I tried on Saturday and the same thing happen, so what did I do...I called his job's voicemail to leave him a message, to call me. Monday came around and I heard nothing from him. I call yesterday morning, and she gave me he was busy. I called him again right before lunch to see if he wanted to grab a bite. I know when he goes to lunch, because we have been to lunch together. He has in fact called me on his lunch break to talk to me the whole time he was at lunch. I talked to him as I was out across town. I only left two messages yesterday, but still I got nothing in return from him.
Now I know he has done this before, not to me, but to another dude. He called me once to tell me about how this other DL dude he knows keeps blowing up his phone, and how why don't people get the message that you are not interested anymore. He went on to tell me that the dude called him 14 times and left 14 messages. I asked why didn't he just answer one of the guys calls and tell him, that he wasn't interested at all. He explained it to me, that he thought that the guy should have understood that he wasn't interested in him, because he stopped answering his calls. I explained to him that it would be better for both of them, if he just explained that he wasn't interested anymore.
Here I am on the same situation, except he is doing it to me, now! I don't understand that at all. That is such bitch like behavior. He's acting like a little Pussy. I am man enough to take whatever is the reason. I am just so unbelievably angry. Not only has he dissed me without word, but he has turned me into a calling Bug-A-Boo Nag!! I hate that.
Yesterday on the last message I told him that. I said exactly.."You are not trying to do me like ole dude and avoid my call, are you? I don't appreciate that, if that's what you are doing."
No offense, but that behavior I expect from Women. Women do the stop talking and not give you a reason why. I mean I really would understand the situation more if it was from a woman. I mean this reminds me of a friend of mine from high school. We were really close and cool. There was just one thing, when she would get mad at me, she would just stop talking to me for no reason...well her reason, but not a good reason. Now she never avoided me, she just stopped talking. I would ask her a question, and she acted as if I said nothing. If I asked her if there was a problem, she would nod no. Now it got crazy, we remained hagging out with the same people, yet she would just stop talking to me in the group. For example, we never stopped sitting at the same lunch table. In fact she would sit right across the table from me eating her pizza or turkey club and not say boo to me. She would talk to the person beside me, beside her but never to the dude across from her....me. It use to piss me off royally, because I never got to find out why I was being shut out, just like now. However I just let it go until she did. It happen a few times during high school. One time it was something stupid, like I laughed at her in front of Freshmen. It was always something stupid like that. One time I admit I was insensitive and mentioned she was acting goofy and something about maybe it was her time of the month. I asked her politely if she needed some Midol. However that led to like a two month silent treatment. Now A grown man is doing the same thing to me, however I have been completely on some grown and sexy tip with him and nothing stupid out of my mouth. Our last conversation was cool.
The last time we talked everything was cool. I just don't get guys however. For some reason I got her, I don't get him. This is not the only time I have run into guy behavior, that as a guy I don't understand. Do y'all know I was so tempted to actually buy Steve Harvey's "Think like a Man, Act like a Lady," just to see what it is that I am missing. Do you know what that makes me or says about me?...I know what it doesn't make me a man, that I need a book to try to understand another nigga. Reading a book geared to women to understadn my own sex. This is just like another straw on that pesky camel's back, that I don't get men...it's so many things.
A part of me just wants to call and leave a nasty message, but that's just not my style. I don't leave nasty messages, but I am on that level right now. This is the guy who told me, that as DL men, no matter who we lie to, we must always stay on the up and up when it comes to each other!
However what is he doing but not being up and up with me!