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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I'll Be Your Diamond Boy


"I'm your Diamond Boy
The one you put the rock on
I'm your Diamond Boy
The one that you quit the game for"



If none of you recognize these revised lyrics, than I guess y'all don't check out my "Ah That's My Jam" of the Moments, at least to hear them once. This is the hook for Ryan Leslie's "Diamond Girl" with a little twist from me. It was like my Jam a few months back I believe. I don't know why but this song has been running through my head lately. It's what actually inspired this post, well sorta...at least the title anyway. To be honest what really inspired this post, is the fact that...well I just had a birthday. Not going to say when, but it was this month. I didn't post about it, like I didn't last year, because I don't like to talk about my birthday. I have my reasons. I will get to them in a minute.

Here's something funny, twice this month, I've heard from people, who find out my birthday was this month, something on the line of..."Dang...your birthday is this month, every person I've met who was born in April, have been some arrogant people" Okay how are you just going to group us all like that. You didn't think I was arrogant before you found out, did you? Well maybe they did and just ignored it. This has not been the first time I've heard the comment. However this comment is usually followed after hearing I'm an Aries. I remember this one conversation a few years ago, with some co-workers of mine. When one of them found out I was an Aries it open up this flood gate.

Co-worker 1: "You are an Aries?...Oh that makes so much sense now"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Co-worker 1: "Well when I first met you, I thought you was an uppity little negro!"
Me:"What?!"
Co-worker 1:"Yeah I was like look at this nigga acting like his shit don't stink."
Me: Mouth gaped open
Co-Worker 2: "You too...I thought I was the only one who thought that!"
Co-worker 1: Laughs "No you were not alone"
Co-Worker 2: "When I first met Young I was like...uh attitude...excuse me for breathing"
Co-Worker 1: "Won't he though?...all cold acting and chili...nigga think he cute or something... with that face of his that he makes"

Meanwhile my head is flying from one person to the other just speechless as they compare notes and memories about how cold, uppity and arrogant they first I was, as if I'm not standing right there. I have to admit I had never heard this about myself before then. Let me just say this job I first started when I was a senior in High school. Co-worker 2 was a female part timer like me and Co-Worker 1 was a full time department supervisor.

Co-Worker 2: "Yeah he was, but now that I know him, he's a sweetheart! I love him!"
Co-Worker 1: "Yeah he aight...I guess. Still acts like his shit don't stink sometimes" and Laughs

Let me just say this. I know when to turn it on and off. Sometimes it's a lot easier to turn it off than to turn the "Boy you so crazy" on. When I go onto a new job, that gets turned off quick, fast, and in a hurry. So yes I might come off quit, aloof, and distance. I think it's the dumb folk, that come onto a job, acting like they no everything, and how everybody operates. I don't I am in feel you out mode with my co-workers and I am in getting myself settle vibe. I am like that in a lot of situations, where I am not the most comfortable. now when need be I will turn the charm button on and smile and give you warm, but if not necessary, then you don't get it.

I will admit I cam be a bit bougie and uppity at times. There I said. I know me. I am not the nigga you call to keep it real...to keep it street...to keep it hood! You call me, you will get "Oh man naw I can't do the keeping it Hood tonight. But yo call me next week when you want to keep it Bougie, I got you on that, for real...aight then see you then!"

Anyway I don't really like to celebrate my birthday, because I feel its another year older and another year I haven't made it to where I'm suppose to be in my life. I remember, I believe it was 8th grade, when we had to write out out 10 or 15 year life plan and goals. My my age now I should have finished my Bachelors Summa Cum Laude, and either working up that corporate ladder or working on my Masters or MBA. I should be in a serious relationship with my college sweetheart and either married or engaged. I read at the time that most people find their spouses while in college. So I figured I would find the future Mrs. Young Black by then. In a few years I would be working on baby one, but have a new dog by now. That was the plan, and I really thought that was how it was going to play out. Look at me now. On my umteenth major, still working on getting that one done...be lucky if I graduate Thank U Summa Lawdy! Master or MBA yeah right! Not sure what I want for my career path. Not doing bad on the job front but not a career as I would say. No need to discuss that whole getting married crap, you know how that's going. The future Mrs. Young Black, yeah right! I guess I feel like I'm not fulfilling my potential. I was at city Hall a few weeks ago taking care of some business, had to file some papers, anyway I saw a friend from high school. When I saw her with her business suit and a briefcase, it made me want to go the other way. She wanted to work in the government, she was in the Model UN and other things, and guess what...she works in the government. I feel like I'm all over the place however. And another birthday rolls around and...well kinda a failure...I'm no where near my plan. I know plans change but....ehhh

Wow how did that happen? How did I go from talking about being a diamond boy to a pity party. No matter if I am where I want to be at 23 or not...I will always be a Diamond Boy! To be honest I think that fits me. I think the diamond is classic style and timeless. I think that's me...lol I can't image any other birthstone. It's simple in composition, but when the light hits it, can't nothing beat it reflection and shine. And no that's not arrogance, just calling it as I see it! A diamond means "Everlasting love"...now if that doesn't scream me then I don't know what does people. A diamond is versatile, and like me You can dress me up and you can dress me down. There is some birthstones that is either or. You really can't dress down Sapphires or Ruby, how can you dress those things down? Then take the Peridot and the Citrine, those are hard things to dress up. However every Socialite and Rapper can tell you you can dress a diamond up or down. It means strength and invincibility...I mean hello! I am like the diamond I endure in your hearts forever...forever and ever?...FOREVER!! I feel very diamond like, I feel its me!

I feel that's the only upside to being born in April. I mean the whole pollen thing is so not me. I mean if y'all could see my eyes right now, good lawd. Y'all would be like, "WOW, now were you born with red eyes or are those contacts?...and why is you crying, did your dog die?" The sunglasses get there wear out of me during the Spring for sure. I embrace the April Showers, that is me! I'm mean I'm not exactly a spring guy other than that. I love the warm rain. Any who here is my rambling post to the month of April...I was all over the place wasn't I...hmmm

I am your Diamond BOY!!!!!!
and yes my stuff don't stink...

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Prayers for Pops and Soulchild vs. Slim

My Prayers Goes out to The Family of
David "Pop" Winans Sr.
(April 8, 1934 - April 8, 2009)
I would like to send out my prayers and condolences to the Winans family. This month they lost their patriarch, David "Pop" Winans Sr, at the age of 74. I always considered the Winans, as the Gospel Jacksons. I know how crazy that sounds, but every one of them can sing. I mean they are truly a legendary family. I mean every one of the can sing and is talented. It only seems like yesterday that I saw all of them in the Together We Stand Tour. Where Pop and Mom Winans along with The Winans, BeBe and Cece, Daniel, Angie And Debbie, and Winans Phase II all performed together in concert. I'm glad they were able to come together before the two major deaths in the family. It was truly an amazing and anointed concert. However that was like in 2003 actually I believe. Even though Pop was the patriarch of the family his son Ronald preceded him a few years ago. I love pops and Mom Winans. I actually remember Pop and Mom Winans first album, like from the early 90s, maybe even late 80s, I'm not sure, I just know I had to be real little. It was during the dreaded tape cassette period. I actually remember one song, from when I was real little. It was a song with them singing and reminiscing about when their children were little, and gospel music around the house. I think they had little kids or their own grad kids singing in the background. I remember them on the Stellar Awards, on the rotating stage back then too, not sure what they were singing, but I remember it. Anyway just doing a little reminiscing of my own...Pop Winans will be greatly missed, not just by his family either.



My first canidate for "Battle of the R&B Crooner" of the Moment is Musiq Soulchild's "Onmyradio." I have every single Musiq Soulchild CD's , including when he cut the Soulchild off during the "Soulstar" album period. This is classic music from Musiq. However I'm not going to lie his first single, "Radio," was a bit of a change for him, and I liked it. It was a heavy hip hop/rap beat, kinda hard up tempo sound. I think that people would be very surprised about this change for him. I liked it, I would kinda like to hear more of this from him. It had kind of a crunk sound to it. Anyway I don't really have to say what my favorite song on the album is, my previous "Ah That's My Jam" of the Moment, "Ifuleave" featuring Mary J. Blige. This goes down as one of my favorite duets for the both of them. Some other shining songs for me was "Sobeautiful" another soft and touching love song. Another song that got a lot of play from me, was "DearJohn." In this song Musiq breaks up with his girlfriend in today's new Dear John letter way, via the cell phone. I think its kinda funny, even though I'm not sure it's suppose to be. Overall the rest of the album, is kinda the classic deep and moving Neo-soul classic vibe.

VS.


My second canidate for "Battle of the R&B Crooner" of the Moment, is Slim's "Love's Crazy." My cousin was in my car, when I was playing this, and he said one funny but real thing. He said, "If this is Slim's solo album, then he must have been 112, because this sounds just like a 112 album!" The truth to it is that out of 112, Slim did have the most distinctive voice, you may not always know whether it was Q, Mike, or Daron singing solo, but you always knew when Slim's high falsetto voice, was singing. Slim's "Love's Crazy" album very much seems like an extension of an 112 album. I think personally Slim's voice distinguished 112 from other 90s R&B groups. His first solo effort, to me was a very good one. He had a nice compilation of high tempo and ballets. Some of his shining moments was his first single, "So Fly" feat. Yung Joc. and "Good Lovin" featuring Fabolous and Ryan Leslie. His duet with Faith Evans, "So Gone" was definitely a good one, I think it would have made a perfect third single, release for his album. I think my favorite would definitely been the midnight storm-esque, "Bedtime Stories," a great song to make love to. It just had that flow and sexiness. His voice never really changes from his high tempo to his slow jams, but he works both successfully.


I really don't have a winner between the two, Musiq and Slim both had decent albums. Is it the best work from either one of them?...hmm I wouldn't say that. It however is Slim's first solo effort, so I have no solo music to compare it to. However I wouldn't say this is Musiq's best work, still good music nonetheless. I will say this, I think I played Slim's album a little bit more than Musiq's.



Most people, when you mention the group Playa, don't remember them. Whenever I tell someone about Plays,I alwasy get..."Who?" Playa was a group from the mid 90's. They only put out one album, although rumors are that they recorded others. If you remember when Missy Elliot and Timberland first came out, they had their clique called the "SupaFriends." Well, that consisted of Playa, Ginuwine, Missy, Timbaland, the Late Great Aaliyah, Magoo, and Nicole Wray, they were always in the videos together and whatnot. Playa was one of the prodigy's of music, in my opinion, most talented yet unfortunate gems Jodeci's Devante Swing. Playa along with Missy, Ginuwine, and Timberland, all were developed under Devante. However they never produced any public music under him. Well, Playa's "Cheers 2 U" is for sure one of my favorite albums by a male group. I love this album. It really some up my general taste for music. It's rare that I skip any songs when I listen to this album. As much as I like this album, it's hard to name my favorites, because I like the vibe of the whole thing. I would have to say though, my truly favorite song, would have to be the collaboration, with one of my favorite artist of all time, the Late Great Aaliyah in "One Man Woman." I really love this song. Off the top of my head though "Miss Parker" featuring Miss Elliot, is definitely a good one too, a great mid-tempo song. The album self title track "Cheers 2 U" and Together would have to round it out too. I am without a doubt a fan. They really don't make boy bands like this anymore. I really wish they had put out their other albums.

Although I am a fan, and a big music head. I never put together that Stephen "Static Major" Garrett, was the Static of Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" song, until late last year. Static Major died last year, I forget from what, but I think it was of natural causes. He was only in his early 30s too. he died young, and I don't think we truly saw his full potential and talent. I am really sadden that Static died before his solo album was released. I am looking out for it. He produced "Lollipop" and he produced and wrote several hits for Ginuwine and the late great Aaliyah, by the way, that is how I will always refer to her. Maybe now the unreleased music from Playa will be released in a tribute album.



My "Ah That's My Jam" of the Moment, Bobby Valentino's "Beep" featuring Lil' Kim, Ludacris, and Lil' Wayne, was definetely that song that had me on fire everytime, it came on the radio or I was in my car. Just makes you want to let your windows down, and crank up the volume.


My "Ah That's My Jam II" of the Moment, Jazmine Sullivan's "Lion, Tigers, and Bears," this song speaks to me on so many levels. I guess I really relate to what she is saying. I might not be scared of this and that, but I am scared of loving you. Love is very much a scary thing.

My Inspirational Music of the Moment, is Kierra Sheard's "Bold Right Here." Kiki truly continues the Clark legacy, with this CD, and does it well. All though this is like her forth CD, she hasn't lost it yet. In fact I think she is getting better. You would think that the young gospel singer would loose their message and the love of God, trying to cross markets and targets, but she doesn't do that at all. I don't think she compromises herself or her message from the Lord at all. She has praise songs and soul stirring songs all on here. Now granted on the first few songs like, "Won't hold Back," "Wave Your Banner," and "Boyfriend," you might question is it a gospel album or an R&B/Pop album based off of the beat and hooks. However you really have to listen to the words. I love "Boyfriend," which is a song about how unlike a man who wont return your message and a mans games, GOD is the best boyfriend you will ever had. How her boyfriend, GOD, is her best friend and the one she can always count and her true love. I think it's cute.

Her first single "Praise Him Now," is so Clark Familyish. I actually thought it was her mother, Karen Clark-Sheard, the first time I heard it on the radio. It is a very powerful song. Rounding out my favorite songs I would have to say "Love Like Crazy," even though it doesn't really sound like a gospel song at all. I definitely recommend this album for those who are a little nervous about traditional gospel. You can jam to this and get an inspirational message. Your jamming might turn into a shout.

Friday, April 17, 2009

I'm 1 years old, Happy Bloggerversary..Time to get that haircut!


After reading my fellow blogger, Fuzzy's last post about his 3 year Blog anniversary coming up, I thought about mine. I remember that I had my first post last year around Easter. I doubled checked and realized that I missed my First Year Bloggerversary last month. Easter was in March last year, so on March 22, I missed my one year mark of my DL journey chronicle. I'm really bummed about that, but I guess late is better than never. It fits me well. I'm late for everything else, why not this. Anyway, I know Fuzzy is doing the "Ask Me Anything Question and Answer" post, and I know others do that also for their anniversary or birthday, but I'm going to do something a little different for my first blog anniversary. I'm going to talk about one particular subject...Barbershops!

Yes, I said barbershops. Okay...early last year, I happened to be reading and commenting on a particular website forum, that is geared to an audience of...shall we say, minority men, who may or may not be curious about sex with other minority men. Yeah, that sounds good. Anyway, one particular discussion was on barbers or barbershops, can't really remember. I think it had something to do with sexual feelings or sexual actions with a barber...well, most likely anyway. Well, someone on this particular post, posted a link to a page about the same subject. I clicked the link, and was escorted to a blog page, with a post called The Shop.(Click to read that post.) That page happened to belong to, That Dude Right There, of Getting Myself Together. Well I enjoyed that post and continued to read other post and then his current post of his, early last year. After that I started checking out other bloggers, who was commenting, and then began reading their blogs. It wasn't to much longer, that I became addicted and sucked in by the blogger world. One day I decided that I was going to start my own, and want was the big journey that I was going through personally, and the rest is Young, Black, and Down Low history. I really believe if it wasn't for me reading the simple post about another black man's experience at a barbershop, that spiral, from a forum thread, that led me to "The Shop" post, I might not have my personal outlet and confidant, my blog right now.

Now here is the really funny thing. I just got off the phone tonight, with a guy, talking about barbers, I haven't told you guys about him yet. He is brand new dude, and I will get to writing about him soon, but I have a feeling, everybody is going to have strong feelings about him. However I have a feeling he is going to be in my life for a minute, I just get that feeling. Anyway he asked me about where I go to get my haircut done. I told him about the little spot I go. From what I gather he is a little unhappy with his barber, not because of his barber's skills, but because of his personal feelings for his barber. Apparently he is attracted to his barber, and he is afraid that his barber might figure it out. This is even more of an issue, because his barber is 17, and he finds his feelings to be really inappropriate. He told me he even wears sunglasses to hide his eyes, when the barber is cutting his hair. He was telling me about his barbershop past, and it seems he likes going to guys, that are attractive, or has one sexy dude in the shop. Here's the thing, I think there is a lot of DL or Out men, who are the same way. I am not, well I don't think so. I'm very sensitive about my hair, I don't mind seeing a cute face, but I care about what my hair looks like after the cut, THE MOST! However I am finding, that not all men are like that. Now I'm about to throw out a theory, I'm a little afraid since I haven't tested it out yet. I just thought about it right at this moment. I'm brainstorming as I type this, so y'all get to be a witness or in on my flowing thoughts. My thesis is...I wonder if you can tell if a man gets down with other men, based on his barber. If he only gets his hair cut by attractive men, does that mean he get down with men then? Hmmmm Now the only way for this theory to pan out, you will have to know what a man's barber history was, and what they looked like. Unless we look at it the other way. Instead of looking to see how cute the barber is, and that meaning the client is gay or bi; lets look at to see how ugly the barber is, and that meaning the client must be straight. That makes sense, right? So here's my thesis, if the barber is ugly, then you know the man in question (the guy getting his hair cut), must be straight and doesn't get down! I will work the kinks out of that theory later, it was just off the top of my head.

The barbershop I go to now, I've only been going there for a couple of years. Before that shop, I bounced around from shop to shop, from barber to barber, from hole in the walls shop to other hole in the walls shops. Before then I went to one barbershop for about 12 years I believe it was. Now that was true loyalty. I loved that shop. Nice clean classy black establishment. It was completely different from the shop I was used to, as an even smaller child, with my dad. It was a barbershop, that was appointment oriented, but walk-in accepted. I hated that sitting and waiting portion of the barbershop experience before then, and even now, that I am back to that. Anyway my barber of 12 years, truly just upped and moved to another state without real notice, and that left me out in the cold; bouncing from one barber to another. The barbershop I go to now, about 5 minutes from me, unlike my old barbershop, that was 25 minutes away, is just convenient. I just picked some place that was quick and easy.

Now let's get to my current barber, T. I have been to pretty much everyone in my barbershop at least once. I settle, on because I thought he was a cool nigga and funny. he cut my hair pretty decent, and at the time, I thought he had the least customers. Now it seems he is the one with the longest wait. He is the youngest in the shop about 24, and has every other young nigga as his barber. Here's the thing, I wonder if my barber gets down?

Now I think the barbershop, is like the army. They have a don't ask don't tell policy going on. Even if a nigga comes in, with another guy, who obviously is his boyfriend, none says anything. Not because they don't care, but its an awkward no one says anything moment. I saw it once, it wouldn't be so bad, if boyfriend say in the sitting area like everybody else, with the girlfriends, fathers, and single mothers. No boyfriend takes a chair and sits it right besides his man in the barbers chair, like someone was going to steal him. You know how you can feel no one saying anything on purpose, even when the love birds leave. It's very much like the army. I think even so with barbers. Now I understand that their are so out barbers, or barbers, who are rumored to mess around, but most of the time I think they are on the DL or Discreet tip. Here's why I think its like that. Getting your haircut, if you think about it, is very soft and tender moment. It's the only time, where another man, can touch another man's head. Move his head, lift his chin, run his fingers through his hair, and it not really consider gay actions. Some might think, if the barber is gay, then his actions would be consider moves...stupid, but I'm sure someone would think the nonsense.

Now my thoughts on T. is very circumstantial, but hmmm. Okay well the first one, is very immature on my part, and stupid, but had me thinking. His favorite places, that he talks about all the time, DC clubs and Atlanta. Those are two of his favorite places, both are heavy gay and DL hot spots. I know Atlanta has been the new black hot spot for a while, and Black Hollywood, but considered a Gay Mecca now too. Second he really has no girlfriend of heavy affection. I hear about a couple girls, but he really doesn't date like that. Not like the others who always talking about sex or their steady woman. Next the lip gloss situation. I think he wears lip gloss. now I don't mean chapstick or Vaseline, I mean something with "Watermelon Splash" or "Very Berry Sexy", in the title. The first time I noticed it, I thought he must have just eating some fried chicken or something, you know how barbershops and beauty shops are, they always have the around the way food hook up. After a couple of visit, I started to think, well am I always coming after he eats. That is until I beat him, one morning getting to the shop. In fact I had to call him at home, and wake him up. When he gets to the shop, first thing in the morning, lips just glossing. I started singing Lil' Mama's song "Lip Gloss," in my head. My lip gloss is cool, My lip gloss is poppin' all the boys be stoppin' Everybody else seems not to notice it, but his lips, be shining like new money! Lastly, a friend of his was making a movie. he does local directing and self produces his own movies. T was suppose to play a character in the movie. Well, T had a real problem one day with script. It was a horror movie or something, a DL think T was one of the killers or something. I don't know I wouldn't buy the movie, when it was done. Anyway t, had a problem with a part in the script. His character supposedly likes blood or something, he was suppose to lick the blood off of a face of a guy he just killed. Well, T had a real problem, with him having to Lick another mans face. How it was gay. He seemed to be protesting it a little to much. I stepped in the conversation, while he was cutting my hair. I told him that no one was going to think he was gay, just because he licks another grown mans face in a movie, its acting. I explained how Will Smith played a gay person once, and no one thought he was gay, and I listed other actors like that too. He just wouldn't see around people think he was gay by doing that. He eventually did it, but he made the biggest racket about it...that left me with the Hmmmsss.

Now I wouldn't care about it so much, his personal business is his, that's my motto, but I think I'm starting to feel him. I wasn't before, but now I think I am, the longer he cuts my hair. He has a Jason Weaver thing going look. Jason Weaver from the "Smart Guy" show and "Drumline" and "ATL." T also has dimples on both chicks, that you can swim in. Now I never have those haircut experiences, That I hear some men have, where they feel the barbers penis on their arm or shoulder, while they get a cut. Everything always seems normal, but my 6th sense...the DL sense...tells me that I might be onto something. just like my bones say that the other barber in the shop, has had a guy as a sexual partner at least once. The other barber, he has all these tattoos, and comes off as the shop ladies man whore. He is your typical ex prison, now current barber. Straight thug...with the wife beater or basketball jersey on and the sagging pants. I mean I have truly seen his draws and ass...I mean full ass more than I've seen my own. You can't tell me he hasn't had his dick sucked by a good two men before, and you can't tell me T doesn't want to...mister this isn't lip Gloss, it's chapstick.

The Barbershop...The new don't ask, don't tell policy upholder!

Happy Belated BLOGGERVERSARY to ME!!!! May the next be better!!!!!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Are We There Yet,Von?...So That's Your Baby Mama?


Okay well lets wrap up this long ass story, I have other things to talk about. I really thought I was going to be able to write this whole thing in one post, here I am on my third post and still trying to finish this story, but this is it!

So opens the door, and there she was. Then there she went, as soon as she opened the door, she took off. Leaving me and Von standing there, both not knowing what to do. Were we suppose to follow her, or just wait in what appeared to be the washroom/ pantry/ place where they put the garbage bag, before they take it to the dumpster room. We both stood there like two fools, not knowing what to do. I whispered to Von, "Are we suppose to wait here, or follow her?" He whispers back to me, "That I would know better than he would." Annoyed with his nonsense, I whisper back, "She's your baby mama, why would I know more than you?" Here we are standing by the washing machine and what appears to be last nights trash bag, debating in a whisper about who should know what to do. I swear when you hang out out with foolery, you eventually become your environment. We are interrupted, by Von's Baby Mama, when she tells us we can come into the family room and sit down, if we want. Guess that solved the debate. We go into the family room, or should I say, we followed her voice. At this point this broad has yet to turn on a light. Got us trying to feel our way around, like Ray Charles. I stand there for a minute, waiting for my eyes to adjust. I follow Von. we walk through the family room entrance. Von finds the sofa, and sit. I find the chair closes to the washroom and sit. Meanwhile Baby Mama goes into the backrooms. To be honest I can't remember her name, I think it started with a T, but I really didn't care enough to remember, so we will just continue to call her Baby Mama. Anyway, she leaves us, to go back to the bedrooms. Me and Von continue to sit in the dark. It's still quite early in the morning, and the sun hasn't made a peak yet. Both of us, just quite. Baby Mama, comes back out and still I can't see what she looks like. She walks passed me and goes to the flat screen t.v. It's near me. She turns it on, and that immediately lights up the room. Now I can finally see where I am at, and see her. She bends down to the DVD player, and I can see more of her than I imagine. All I see is booty and thong. She is wearing what looks to be low ride jeans and a red thong up on her hips. My first thought was I wonder who she wore this Little number for...me? I mean I have to admit, this girl had a ample backside, it truly wasn't being contained my those jeans. I just stared as it's up in my face, as she is trying to put a DVD in. I mean I got a full view, just booty and a little red lace triangle gripping for life. Truly not the booty I image seeing when this night started, but it was still a show none the less. She turns around and I finally get to see this chick out.

Okay, let me say once again, that I have met some of Von's other girlfriends. Not by choice EVER, always like this an unwelcome surprise. They were nothing serious, but still I didn't want to meet them. I'm not even sure if he had sex with them, but he had sex with this one. The evidence was in the other room. I don't know what I expected, but not sure if Miss Junk in the Trunk 2009, is what I expected. She was a dark brown skin cutie, not exactly chocolate, but around there who was about 5 foot 9 or 10 with long legs. Both her and Von kinda tall. She had these things on her head, not exactly corn rows, but something like that pulled pack into a ponytail on the side, with crinkles. She had the big gold hoop earrings to finish the ensemble out. The first thing she says is "Hey boy!" I knew instantly she wasn't talking to me. She said it with a look on her face, like she hated him, but her delivery was in a sly way filled with lust and love, like she wanted to jump him right there. I knew right then, that this was going to be a long visit. I just shook my head, and contemplated to myself, how do I get myself into the situations. how did I end up going out for a booty call, and end up roughly 150 miles away from home, In the deep Virginia country. In between the guy I was suppose to being booty calling it with and his baby mama, who looks like she could tongue him down right now. She pulls her eyes away from him long enough to introduce herself to me, and to thank me for bringing him. She leaves the room again. I turn my attention to the screen, it was a nice size t.v., about a 37 or 40 flat screen. Enough to really light the room up. I look all around. Not a bad double wide at all. Large family room, that leads in to the kitchen with breakfast nook, and leads into the dining room. All over the walls are paintings, with scriptures or biblical sayings. Behind me on the wall, is some sort of rug hung up, with a picture woven on it and yet another scripture woven into the weave. I see several group pictures of a girl and two boys, however the girl doesn't look like Baby Mama. Pictures of angels and Black Jesus are scattered among things, to finish the decor. I look at the screen and the intro credits, state that she put in a Tyler Perry play DVD. Yep this is going to be a real long visit!

She comes back out, this time though, with a baby in tow. A little brown skin baby boy about 6 or 7 months, with a look on his face, like he just woken up. His eyes wide open, and just looking back and forth between me and Von. I wish I can say I am kidding, when I say the way he was looking at the two of us back and forth with those eyes, I just truly knew he was thinking...This heifer done woke me up now, so which one of you is my daddy? I kept looking at him, like don't look at me. Baby Mama sits down on the sofa, beside Von and finishes dressing the baby. She is putting socks on him, and finishing buttoning up his one piece jumpsuit or whatever. He is just sitting in her lap. Von takes him out of her lap. She is protesting and warning Von, that he doesn't like new people, especially men, and is probably going to cry. Well I'm all for it, as soon as Von has a little father son time, the sooner, we can get out of here. I already warned Von before we came inside, that he had 15 minutes to bond with his son, grab a picture, before we had to go. I sat my cell phone out on my lap, and the clock starts now. As much as she warned, he didn't make one peep. Once again I chopped this up, to maybe he knew that this man was he daddy, and he felt a connection, and no need to cry.

I turn my attention back to the t.v. screen. Its Tyler Perry stage play, that I had never seen before, but some how felt I had. It was called, "Whats Done In the Dark", I think...I'm not sure, but it took place in a hospital, however the plot was very familiar to "Meet the Browns", the movie. The main character was just like Angela Basset character with the son, who plays basketball and gets shot, with the over the top no good dad, who won't support. I have said it once before, and I will say it again Tyler Perry stuff is same story, different plot. Meanwhile, back at the happy little family on the sofa. She is laughing and joking about how Von has gotten Blixtex all over the baby's face, kissing him. Before we came in Von used some of my Blixtex and put it on him lips. He was complaining about his lips being chapped. She thought this was so cute and funny...and Haha...and you so crazy Von...and blah blah blah. I on the other hand was steadily counting down. He has 10 minutes now. Von takes out his phone and then begins to take pictures of the baby, with his son. I go back to watching the movie, the David Mann character, Mister Brown has just popped up on the screen. I am interrupted, when I here Von say, "Yo Young, don't you think that... such in such...is a girl's name?" I can't remember the baby's name either, right now. I think it was Jaden, or Layden, or Kayland...I don't know, something she said her and her cousin came up with. I wish this was the first time I have heard of someone coming up with a name in a group discussion with a cousin, but it wasn't. I just responded "I don't know". I really wanted to say, I really don't care, but I'm not outwardly rude person, I have home training. My mama taught me well. I just have internal rudeness, if people only knew what I was really thinking. I took this little time to ask Baby Mama, what was up with her and the time and direction discrepancies going on. She blames part on her cousin, she said that she had only comes to the city a few times every now and then, when she visit her aunt. She gets up and goes in the back to see what is holding her cousin up. She informs me that she will be out in a minute. I'm thinking, why do I need to see her, unless she has some better reason, why they don't know how to give good direction.

She goes in the back once again, to get her cousin. I sit there and look at Von, and the baby..uh I guess playing. I think Von was trying hard, but baby wasn't in no playing mood at that point. however we ever he saw Mister Brown show up on the screen his head would turn at light up in amazement. What can I say even babies love buffoonery too. Baby Mama comes back out with Baby Mama cousin. It was the girl from all the pictures, Baby Mama, must live with her and her family, some thick little girl with braids and I mean girl, because she looked to be all of 16 or 17, not sure, she could have been older, but I don't think so. Now call foolish, but for some reason, I think she brought her out here, for my benefit. Company for me, while her and Von, got cozy. I was not interested in cousin reject, so if that was the plan to detract me, it was stupid. I'm sure she was nice, but no thank you. I then began to grill cousin, or her jacked up directions. I was pissed about tonight and I proceeded to take it out on her. I know not her fault, and she quickly was one to state that. She then threw it back on Baby Mama, I then proceeded to rip her a new one. Asking her, why did she have Von to believe she lived in the 'Burg. I had been in the home for 10 minutes, nice Young was gone now, I had been polite long enough. She said she never told him she lived there, she always told him she lived in the country. She thought he knew. She then proceeded to say, that it's no but a 45 minute drive. Once again, what is up, with people and their timing. By no means am I a slow driver. I have the tickets to prove it, but even without the direction mishaps, this was a 2 hour drive regardless. I then tear her down on the nonsense that she must be thinking, about how 150 miles could be driven in 45 minutes. I kept getting, well that's how long it tkes us bull shit. She then mentions, that she was in the city, a few months ago, to see a pediatrician there, because the hospital where they live messed up the babies circumcision.

That litte bit of information, stops me right in my tracks. I ask her how did they mess up his circumcision. That to me seems like a one time chance. Not something you mess up and try again next. She goes on how they didn't do it right, and her aunt brought her to our city, to get a pedetrician there to fix it. She informs me, that it happened to her cousin too, and he had to come to our city to fix his...uh forskin issues too. I'm thinking ouch and what the hell. She goes on to say how she need to have it done, before she starts college. I look at my cell phone and it's now 5 minutes after cut off time. We need to be out now. Von has taken his pictures seen his baby, gotten blixtex on his little cheeks, time to roll. However when I look at Von and him holding his son. I feel guilty. That Maury Povich new chick feeling pops up again. I don't want to that person, that stops a father from spending time with his child, I have persoanl feelings around that subject. I then think to myself, well we have driven this far, might as well let him spend a little more time with his son. I think about what the Baby Mama, said about school, and I ask her about it. She just finished high school a month or so before the baby was born, and starts community college soon. I ask her about how hard it was to be pregnant in high school. I had a couple girls be pregnant when i was in high school, some it was hard,a nd some it was easy. I rememebr this one girl Cassie, it was a little hard, but she was really smart, sweet, and funny, and so many people made it easy for her. I believe we had a baby shower at school too, plus one outside. For some others it was not like that.
Baby Mama said, "It wasn't hard at all. In fact a lot didn't even know until I was 7 months pregnant and about to graduate. Hell I didn't even know until I was 4 months."
A little confused at that answer, I responded, "Um I'm sorry, but don't girls know a lot sooner that they are pregnant?"
"Well see what had happen was, I was on the shot. The shot takes your period. So I didn't have a period for 12 months. By having no period, I didn't think about being pregnant."
The journalist in me then started coming out, "Well, when you realize that you were past your 12 months, didn't it hit you?"
"Well, I wasn't going to go back on the shot, so I didn't even pay attention, to when my shot was suppose to end. I was like it don't matter when the shot is suppose to wear off."
I look down at the baby in Von's hands, and I say, "Apparently is did make a difference."
She looks down at the baby, and it hits her what I'm talking about, and starts to laugh. I'm thinking to myself Dang they just let anyone have babies. She then says, "I guess you are right....but at first I thought it wasn't going to make a difference, until I found out I was pregnant. Then when I found out, I was shocked. My mother wanted me to get an abortion."
"I'm sorry, i didn't know you can get an abortion at 4 months?"
"Yeah, some places do second trimester abortions, not many places though>"
"Wow...and what stopped it?"
"I didn't want to abort my baby, so I changed my mind."
She then goes on to talk about how at first her mother was mad and whatnot, thinking about kicking her out. Then her mother forgave her, for not having the abortion, and been there until the baby was born. She moved out though, because she said it was to crowded with her and the baby, and her mother and siblings, plus her mother's boyfriend and his kids too. She moved in with her aunt and cousins here.

By this time the cousin had taken the baby out of Von's lap, went and changed him, and had him in her lap. Von starts talking about what they had to eat. He was hungry. Baby Mama said nothing, if he wanted something to eat go to the store. I had to be honest,I was a little bit hungry myself, not that I would eat anything here, but not the first one of them had offered us a glass of water, tea, soda, kool aide, and this definitely seemed like a Kool-aide type of family. We are from the south, but there was definitely no southern hospitality going on up here. We had driving half the night to get here. I think offering a glass of water was in order. Every time Von mentioned something to drink, she said go get it yourself. She may have thought that was cute, but I didn't. Von, kept mentioning, how he doesn't live here. Needless to say, while we were there nothing was drank or eaten. Von eventually turns to me and says, when we leave, can we grab breakfast at McDonald's, and I agreed. I looked at the Cousin holding the baby, and while texting or doing something on her phone. She fuses at the baby for drooling on her phone, however never goes to get a bib. It's time for me to see this baby now, up close and personal. I ask the cousin, while she goes to get a bib, let me hold him. She gets up and sits him on my lap. She takes this as her que to bow out,I certainly hadno interest in talking to her, and made that clear, and she had see the baby's fatehr, so she went back in the bedrooms, never to be seen again except, when she came back out in pajamas to get soemthign to drink. Von and baby Mama, are in their own world on the sofa. The baby is looking at them...uh wrestle. Literally wrestling on the couch. Von was tickling her and messing with her. The baby just looks at them, and looks at me. I'm thinking to myself, yep, that's your parents!

I pick the baby up, and I'm looking at his face. Trying to see, if I see Von at all in him. I heard once that a child looks like it's father as a baby, it's mother nature's paternity test. Maybe that's a little old folk saying, but I was trying to see for myself. As I was looking into his face. His little bright eyes was staring right through me. He had finally woken up. He was smiling at me. I was ignoring it first, just trying to see if I saw Von at all in him. I kept thinking, well obviously he must have gotten his complexion from his mother. His little brown skin was nothing familiar to Von's light skin red bone complexion. I then started to think well maybe his head was shaped like Von, kinda round oval shaped. Then I thought his cheeks were chipmunk-ish like Von's, but maybe all baby's are. I was looking at nose, ears, everything up close and person, as he just looked into my eyes and sometimes laugh. Something about him I liked, just like his father. I thought maybe he was Von's baby after all. For what seems to be forever, we just stared at each other. I had him standing up in my lap. I was softening up real quick, I loved this baby, suddenly. I think he liked me too. Once again Baby Mama's theory was wrong. I was definitely new to him, but not so much as a whimper out of him. The only time his eyes would break from me, was when Mister Brown would pop back on the screen. I'm not sure if it was the vivid colors of his outfit or the crazy acting he was doing, that had the baby looking, but his little eyes would get wider. I was fun for him as well. I was the guy with all the zippers on him. He would just play with one zipper and then another. I had a bunch of zippers on my jacket. I had zippers on my Sean John Sweater also. Even when his eyes went back to the screen, he would feel all over my chest for a zipper until he found one and play with it, without his face leaving Mister Brown. When Mister Brown was gone, I had his full attention again. Every minute I was falling in love with this little baby in my hands. I couldn't understand it. You would think this was my first time with a baby. I see babies in my family, church, friends have babies, but something was different here. I can't explain it.

The way his eyes looked at me. At times it was as if we were having a staring contest. He would lay on my chest and just look at me as he fiddled with a zipper. I would stand him up, hold him in the air, squeeze his stomach, he would laugh like the Pillsbury dough boy, when I did that. Time just flew by, when it was just me and him. Every once and a while my concentration would get distracted when I heard a "Von stop it"..."Von, you so crazy"..."I hate you Von" every time sounding like a little school girl, in love. I would just ignore it and direct my attention back to little man in my arms. I couldn't understand what was going on with me. I thought I resented this little baby, but that wasn't it. In fact I didn't want my time with him to end. Time did fly by, before I knew it the morning sun was out. In the end I spent more time with the baby than Von did. I took pictures of him, with my phone. I pretended like I was making a phone call in case anyone was watching me. I might post them later. I sat him on my lap eventually. His right side of his body facing me. I faced him towards the t.v., while that right hand held on to a zipper. I finally start to get into the play, suddenly I felt a slump in my lap about 5 or 10 minutes later. I look down and the baby's head has falling forward. I was nervous at first, thinking well I should have supported his head. Then thinking, well he is at least 6 or 7 months old, he doesn't still need neck support, does he? He has falling back to sleep, without notice. I pick him up and turn him back towards me. He wakes back up from the moving and looks me in my eyes again. He lays his head on my chest, while eyes never break contact from mine. He just looks at me, until his eyes close again. He had an early morning. His sleep was interrupted. A minute or so later I feel him getting heavier. I can feel him breathing against my chest. He's out cold now. I love this moment, and for some reason I don't want it to stop. I continue to just sit there holding him. I get lost in thought. Maybe it's not the baby, or Von's Baby Mama, or even Von not telling me he had a baby, that upset me earlier, maybe it's jealousy that he had a son. I mean I know I'm not ready for one, or even thought about having one really, at least no time soon, but I loved the way this little boy, made me feel. Like I said though, I've been around babies, so this is nothing new, but he did something for me. I can't help but wonder will this ever be me. My thoughts are interrupted by Baby Mama asking me, was he asleep. I tell her he is. I continue to hold him though. I realize, that as much as I want this moment to last. I need to get back home, because I have a day ahead of me still, and Von has a bus to catch. I call Von's name, and he immediately asks, am I ready to go. I tell him yes. Baby Mama takes the baby into the back and comes out. Her face is looking all down and sad. They apparently only did it once, but she has felings for Von, I can see it in her face. My mom once told me that mothers always have a special part of them, for their child's father, no matter how much they dislike them. I hate it. not that she has feelings, but that I have to see her having those feelings. She once him to stay, and for me to be gone. I feel guilty. I tell Von, I'll wait in the car.

A few minutes later Von comes out. We takeoff down the road. A part of me, don't wnat to ask, because of what it might mean about me or my feelings for Von, but I do. I ask him, did he have a nice good bye kiss from her. he said "We had a nice good bye, but you know Young, I don't kiss." I did know this. I then tease him about his liking of the young girls. He is 21 and loves the little young immature girls. Yeah the had a grown WOMAN's body, but she acted to immature to me. He then says soemthign that shocks me. "What you talking about she's not young, she's my age!" I'm confused now. I mention about her just finishing high school. He then says, "I think she failed once or twice". I correct him, if she was 21 and just finishing high school, then had failed more like 2 or 3 times. I kept thinking, with them two as his parents, poor baby. I wish I could take him.

We stop at the McDonalds, so I can go to the bathroom, and grab us some breakfast. Von is on the phone arguing with his grandfather, about where he was all night, and how he better be back home, before his bus leaves. I leave him outside, before I went in I asked for his breakfast order. Forever the man/child, he ask for hotcakes and sausage. I tell him he can't have those. He will not be getting syrup all over my car. He then orders bacon, egg, and cheese, with no egg. I know already, how he doesn't like egg. I grab our food, and we head back down the road. It was alot easier and faster going back home than coming, now that I know where we are going. Like I said it was 2 hour drive straight through. After all of that I really wasn't in the mood anymore. i didn't feel like taking out any sexual frustrations on him, on any backroads. I knew I could get him, if I wanted to, but for some reason it felt inappropriate, to do anything with him. All the way back down the raod I struggled, with my feelings about the baby, about Von and my feelings for him. I was struggling, because I think I might have feelings for him more than sexually. This night proved that to me, some how. I was struggling, with what those feeligns were though. I thought about him being gone for a few months, and whatnot. It was a long thoughtful ride back home. Von was quit too at times I wasn't sure if he was sleeping or just thinking too. No cat skreeching singing this time, just quitness and music.

We when got back to his house. We wer quit for a while. He thanked me again, and told me how much it meant. He told me, he would call me, when he got there, and that I would be one of the people he stayed in contact with, while he was gone. I told him okay. It felt weird for some reason. It's not like he was going to be gone forever just a few months, but we gave each other a pound and he went inside. And I left.

Sorry for it taking so long, for me to wrap this up!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Are We There Yet,Von?...Road Trip Continues



"Von, how do you know it's really your baby?"

As soon as I said it I regretted, saying it. I regretted not because of what his answer might be or what the real answer was, but I regret asking it, because of what it would say about me. I regretted asking it, because of what that question made me feel like. An unfamiliar feeling, for me. Von responds, "Y, I just know son." He did see the baby once, so maybe he felt some sort of paternal connection, that he knew that it was his child. However then he went on to say,"...She hadn't been with anyone in a while, before we hooked up. I was her first in a long time, and her stuff was tight as a mug...so I'm her baby daddy." Okay I'm not going to even front about how much I was struggling not to tear down the nonsense, that was his logic, as to him being the child's father. I mean this was the dumbest reasoning I had ever heard of. I mean I debated this in my mind for a minute. I mean he only slept with her one time, but I know it only takes one time to make a baby. He wasn't in a relationship with her so, he don't know who else she was doing, basing it of word and tightness, was ridiculous. However I was struggling with another battle. That battle with my surfacing feelings about him being a father. There was a part of me, that didn't want him to be this child's father. I couldn't explain it, why I cared one way or another. I mean it's not like we are in a relationship or anything. We are just two guys who mess around and kick it once in awhile. I mean I'm not sure if I would even put him in a friend category. I have a feeling he would consider me one, but I'm not sure I would. I felt like if I cared, what does that say about me? Suddenly I felt like the women on Maury Povich, who didn't want their guy's ex girlfriend's child to belong to their man. I certainly didn't like that feeling, but I understood it. The truth was there was a chance this couldn't be his child; who knows who else she had been with. However look where that put me, right back where I didn't want to be. Like a chick telling her man, to deny his child. Tearing down some girl's reputation, that I didn't even know. I don't know what went on between her and Von, chances are it was his child, and I'm sitting here like a Maury Povich new chick. I felt if I said anything to Von, that is what I would become, and I'm man, who is not in a relationship with this dude. What him and that chick did and the paternity of that baby, has nothing to do with what me and Von has and what we do. Plain and Simple! I sat there and drove, and kept my mouth shut, even to that dumb logic floating around in my car.

We get to the 'Burg and I get off the exit, that she says to get off of, when we get there. The only problem is that it takes us onto another highway. I tell Von to call her, and ask her, where do we go from here. He calls her and has her on speaker phone. He tells her that we have gotten off the exit, where to we go from here. Her sleepy voice illuminates the car, she tells us to just keep driving until we hit, S-Hill. I tell Von to ask her what exit though and she responds that is the exit. That it is about a 20 minute drive, from where we are now. Not more than 30 seconds after she says this I pass a distance sign, that says S-Hill, is 57 miles away. I tell Von that this can't be right. He repeat everything verbatim back to her, like a parrot. Even what she says and he has her on speaker phone,I can hear her perfectly. I tell Von, that the sign just said 57 miles away, and he repeats. She responds that is correct, he repeats. I keep saying trying to completely grasp that me and this dumb chick on the phone are on the same page, that she lives another 57 miles away. She understands completely.
Von says, "57 miles huh?"
I respond, "Yeah 57 miles."
"That means about 57 minutes, don't it Young?"
"Yeah Von, it does" He is going back to what I was explaining to him earlier that night. I guess I did teach him something.
Von then says, "That means about another hour drive don't it?"
"Yeah...another hour, Von"
He then tells the girl that he will call her back. There is nothing but silence in the car and nothing is said. I'm thinking to myself, like hell I'm driving another hour, wasting my gas so he can see his baby mama. This was just suppose to be a booty call tonight and look where it's going. As if he was reading my mind, Von then says," I understand whatever you are thinking, but on the real Young I'm leaving in like 12 hours. I'm trying to do right. Before I go I need to do this. I don't even have any pictures of my son." I'm looking straight ahead, I can feel him looking at me. It wasn't a direct plea for help, but I got where he was coming from. I say nothing; I just keep driving, in anger. In my anger silence he knew that my continuance in driving and passing exits to turn around meant "yes". A few minute later, still with no word from me, he says thanks. He then says, "Man, do I got to pee!" He was pushing it now, I continue driving in silence ignoring him. Let the nigga hold it!

After about 15 minutes in my silent protest. Von pulls a CD out of his jacket, from home. He asks can he eject what I have playing, and put it in. Still on my silent protest, all he gets is a nod. It must have been some sort of Bad boy greatest hits, because he had Total, 112, Craig Mack, Biggie, Faith, etc on it. Then Von begins to sing along, and killing every single song. I mean completely murdering classics. I wish I could say he was joking, but this nigga was dead serious. It was like a cat screeching!!! It did make me loose my anger...just a bit though.


About 20 miles from S-Hill I see a highway rest stop coming up. The highway is only two lanes going one way, and two lanes going the opposite direction, however they are separated my thick woods, so you can't see the opposite traffic at all. The only people on the highway seems to be us and 18 wheel tractor trailer trucks. It seems like we pass weigh stations every 20 miles. For the second tonight Von says, "It sure is scary out here!" For the second time I ignore the comment. I finally break my 40 mile silence with, "Do you still have to go to the bathroom?" He tells me he still does. I pull into the rest stop. It's a pretty large one. There are 18 wheelers parked in one section and cars at rest in one section. I pull into a parking space. Von opens his door, and put one leg out. He realizes I'm not moving. He turns to me and asks, "You not coming?" I tell him I don't have to have to pee. He puts his other leg out, then sits there for a minute, with his back to me. Confused now, I ask him what's the problem. He then turns to me and says something I can't believe, "Can you come with me?...I'm scared" Now if any of you have forgotten, Von is 6'2, from the hood, and has been in and out of jail since he was 14. He looks like a thinner, less meatier Chris Brown. I mean in this picture he looks just like him.

I'm thinking to myself, Nigga is you serious? So I say,"Nigga is you serious?" he just nods his head, like a little kid. He really looks like a kid who is afraid of the dark, and the boogie man is going to get him. I just look at this 6'2 ball of fear and can't believe this. He got every bit of 6 or 7 inches, on me and he scared, and wants me for protection. Now grated I can take Von, he might have some street moves, but I think I can take him. I'm from the suburbs, he's the one from the hood. I mean since I've known him 3 of his friends have gotten shot, two dead, and he talking about he scared at a rest stop. I explain he's from the hood, North side in fact. Agitated now, he says,"Does this look like the hood? I can handle myself in the hood...I know the hood. This right here, is no hood! So is you coming or do I have to hold it?" Shaking my head in disbelief I escort my 6 foot scared man/child to the bathroom. When we get to the bathroom, I go stand near the urinals, and Von goes to the stall, in the empty bathroom. No matter who is at the urinals, Von never uses them. I learned this a while ago, he always goes to the stall, but leaves the door open. A minute or two later I hear this farting sounds from the stalls. Not any kinda of farting sounds but these cartoon over the top sounds, like a whoppy cushion or a artificially version. I then realize that me and Von are not alone. Von says, "Damn Y!" He thinks its me. More and more of the really crazy sounds are coming from a stall beside Von. He turns around when he finishes and yells, "Damn Young is you okay in their, sounds like you dying!" I run over to him, and snap at him to shut up, that isn't me making those sounds. He apologies for thinking it's me. He is about to walk out when I have to remind my 6 foot child to wash his hands, like I'm his daddy. Ironically I feel like his dad most of the time I am with him. A dad who had him, when I was 1 or 2. He makes a already awkward situation worse by saying, "I really thought it was you killing it up in here, I wonder what he ate. Probably something with beans." I was embarrassed for the man in the stall now, and walked out the bathroom. Von runs after me, "Don't leave me, by myself" He catches me outside, and I have to ask him, what does he really think is going to happen to him here. He explain, that some trucker might snatch him up, and he really looks nervous. This boy is a fool. I leave it alone, he follows me back to the car.

We take off for the rest of our road trip, when Von gets back on his cell phone. He is talking and talking for the next 10 miles. I have had enough of the nonsense he is talking about with the girl on the phone. I ask him, who is he talking to. He explains his baby mama. I ask him if we are going to see her in a little bit, why does he have to talk to her now. He then says, "Not that baby mama, my other baby mama!" He then continues to talk like her, like he hadn't just told me another news breaker. I tell him to get off the phone for a minute and he does.
I politely ask him, "What other baby mama?"
He says, "You know the one on the South side. I told you about her."
"I just found out about your first one, how would I know about a second one?"
"I swear I thought I told you."
"I think I would remember all of this, Von"
"My bad, yo"
"So how old is this one?"
"She isn't as old as the other one, she like a couple months old"
"So you have a daughter and a son?"
"Yeah"
"Have I met this girl?
"Naw met her at party too"
"You just full of surprises tonight, couple hour road trip, two baby mamas, leaving town today...anymore surprises for me, a third baby mama?"
"Naw I think that's about it.

I get off of the S-Hill exit like I was instructed. She told us to make a right, when we get off that exit, to follow that road, and to call her when we get to the McDonald's. We are definitely in the country now. It feels like Mayberry, is just a small little town. I believe I actually see a general store. I explain to Von I need gas at this point, but the only gas station I see is closed and the pump doesn't take credit cards after hours. I keep driving, as soon as we entered the town, we are out on country road. We are passing farm after farm. I tell Von to call her and ask her what street are we looking for. She doesn't know street names, just the stop light with the McDonald's. We drive for another 15 minutes. The more we drive the more I am getting nervous.I'm running low on gas, and have no idea where I am at. My mother always says as long as you have gas, you are not lost. Well I was lost! Von is on the phone with her, and I can here her on the speaker phone just saying, drive to the McDonald's. She then puts her cousin on the phone, to help us find our way. She is no help another one who knows no street names. I explain there is no McDonald's here. He are literally passing cows and horses, and ever farm we pass is getting larger and larger. I'm getting frustrated. She says well stop and ask someone where the McDonald's is. This sets me off. I grab the phone from Von's hand and yell...well explain our situation.
"Look Bitch, we are two niggas, in a SUV, on a country road at 4:30 in the morning, where no cars are passing by...in what looks to be NRA territory, and how do you expect us to go to some house and ask for direction? We will get our heads blown off. I don't have all night, I'm frustrated, tired, and running out of gas. Help us find our way now!"
That must have woken her up. She says, "Well are you sure you took the right exit of of 85?"
"Yes, I took t he S-Hill exit like your cousin instructed."
"Well then I don't know what the problem is...did you take the second S-Hill exit?"
"There is a second S-Hill exit?"
"Yeah"
"I asked over and over what is the exact exit number I'm looking for and you and your cousin, both told us, just the S-Hill exit...Why didn't you tell us, there was two exits?"
"I dunno...I guess I forgot"
I kept thinking I'm surrounded my idiots. It's to late at night or early in the morning for this. I drive all the way back to 85 and take the second S-Hill exit. There is no distinguishes between them, no exit A or B...both just S-Hill exit. I find a gas station and fill up. We find that infamous McDonald's. She then tells us to take make a left, and to drive 10 minutes, and call her, we we get to the bridge in the city of Chase. As we are driving, Von brings to my attention another distance sign. It says Chase is 30 miles away. I loose it now. This just seems like the road trip from hell, that will never end. Once we get one place, then we have to drive another road. We are never getting there. First of all what's up with no one realizing time and distance. Since when does 30 miles take 10 minutes at a speed or 50 I believe it was. Some people really need to take some math class. In Train A leaves Boston at 80 miles an hour and Train B leaves Washington at 70 miles, how long will it take for them to meet in Oklahoma?Von the goes to explain he had no idea she lived this far, she mad it seem like it was a quick trip and would take us no time to find. How he didn't know, when she was visiting, how far she lived.

We drive to Chase. The whole time I'm thinking Von owes me big. I'm so mad all I keep thinking to myself, is when we leave his baby mama house, I pulling off on one of theses country road, and there was many to choose from, and I'm taking all of my frustration and anger out on him sexually anyway I want it. He better shut up and take it all! We get to the bridge in Chase, and I'm truly in unfamiliar territory. I can't even tell you what body of water we were at, but it was a big river or lake something. After that she took us right to her house.

We pull up to this double wide trailer. It was on a brick foundation, and was large. It was a double wide, looked more like a rancher. In this area, this isn't all that uncommon. I'm ready now. I'm ready to see this chick and Von's son. He calls her and tells her we are outside. She tells him to hold on she has to get dressed. Now I'm ticked off now. She knew we were coming, been giving us directions all night, passing the phone to a cousin, and now decided that before we come in, she needs to get dress?

We sit outside in my car for about 10 minutes. Von has gotten out and started playing basketball by himself, with a soccer ball they have laying out in the dirt drive way. After about another 5 or 7 minutes Von starts to get frustrated, and keeps calling inside to lets us in. She explains that if we come in, we have to be quite, people are sleeping. I want to just ring this girls neck, when I see her now. She opens the side door. This double wide has a front door, side door entrance from the washroom and sliding back door. Not your typical trailer. She opens the door, and there she is!

I really thought this was it, but I promise I will finish it later! Sorry if it's boring!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Are We There Yet, Von?

This I have a feeling is going to be a long post, no sure yet, but giving you heads up, I might make this a two part-er, even though y'all have told me, you don't like two parts. I also get comments like that post was too long, so we will see I guess. It will be a surprise for y'all and me!



Now y'all know I'm really not really a fan of the booty call, but when Von calls me, I can't deny that I get a smidge excited. Even though I get a little excited at times, I really don't go and see him much. It feels so exhausting being with him at times, to add the trip across town to get him, then take him back home. We really don't have a phone type of thing going on either. I'm not a real big sitting and talking with you on the phone type of person to begin with, and then to add he gets to be so annoying to talk to on the phone, with his mumbling. However he can sit on the phone and talk to his ladies, for hours at a time, from what I hear. I can't image why though. Whenever I talk to him on the phone, I get the urge to shoot myself....but po-tatoe, pa-totoe I guess.

I get off the subject so easily. Anyway I was at the gym last week, and I'm on some cardio machine, I don't know the proper names of anything except the treadmill and the stepper, and this wasn't either. I was on the cardio machine, when I get a phone call from Von. I was a little hesitant to pick it up, because it was about 11 pm, and I knew he this was going to be a call, where he wanted me to come get him. I hadn't talked to him in a minute, so I decided to see what was going on with him. I could always say no. I pick up, and the first thing he says, like always is "Where you at?"..either that or "What you doing?"...never "How you doing?" or "How was your day?...Are you busy?...Can you talk?" I never give him a straight answer, because of that reason. I always give him a "I'm doing me" response. I'm instantly turned off with his first question and ready to end this conversation. Not in the mood for him tonight. He goes on to tell me that he needs to see me tonight. I tell him I'm busy, right now, and can't do it. He gets quite for a minute. I really didn't expect that, I usually would get a response of him either him trying to convince me otherwise or him excepting my response.

Out of nowhere I get "Yo, who the hell you with?!"
I'm not going to lie this startled me for a second, I nearly fell off my machine. I did not expect that response at all. I'm not going to lie, it made me smile. Was he jealous? He must think that because I'm busy, I must be with another dude. I found this to be very funny, and a different side of him. I played with this a bit. I answered his question, with a why do I have to be with someone, to be busy response. He repeated his question again, but this time it wasn't as angry, but kinda...I don't know just different, I guess. Still refusing to let this go, I just respond, I'm by myself. He tells me, that he thinks I'm lying. The way I said it, I knew he would. I can't hold it anymore, and I start laughing. I tell him where I'm at, the gym. He then responds, "Oh, then you are not busy, come and pick me up!" Niggas without transportation, not always the most ideal screwing partner. I finally give in, the sudden spurt of jealous, kinda turned me on. I tell him, I'll be there when I get there.

I leave the gym, to go home and shower, change, and head over to Von's. I take my time, not going to rush for his benefit. I prepare myself for my Lovah! I trim the bush down, he doesn't request it, but I know he isn't a big fan of hair. I trim and cut my nails last, before I head out. I read once, that trim nails are a sign of a good lover. The context was talking about being a good lover, for a woman, but I find this to be useful, in a man on man situation too. Not going into details, leaving it at that. I drive over, and he is waiting outside his house. He usually has me waiting, like a girl. Always the same response, with the got to be "G'ing" up, whatever. He has on his full hood boy attire, from the do rag, to his two chains, and some gold and black bomber jacket. Not my style, but looks good on him. He is looking real good. A little to good, for a booty call, but I let the thought slide. He gets in, with his cell phone to his ear, talking to someone. I pull off ahead off. We get to an intersection, and he tells me to make a right, instead of my usual left. I go along. He continues to give me directions, in between his conversation, until we are head onto the highway. That is when I have to ask him, "Where are we going?" He tells me to hold on, I tell him no. I demand an answer, it's about 2 in the morning, by the time I get over to his house. I was not in the mood for surprises. He gets off his cell, to tell me, we have to make a real quick trip. I'm thinking to myself, I know he didn't call me over, to drive him to some weed connect. Von is a big pot head, he loves him some weed. I address this to him. He tells me to calm down and that it is nothing about weed. I ask him again, where are we going. He casually responds, "Oh, we going to go see my Baby Mama."

Let me say, my neck snapped so fast, that I think I still have a crick in it from that night. I was was shocked, from the casualness of the way he said it, and what he said. Now don't get it twisted. I'm actually cool, with a guy having kids. I've actually been with a number of dudes, with kids. What made me upset, is the fact that in all the times I have been with Von, he has never mentioned a baby. I mean we have had some long ass conversations, some where I just want to beat my head with a brick type of conversations, and yet not one time has a baby come up. All I can say is, "Since when do you have a baby mama?" In Von fashion, "Uh...I don't know, since she had the baby." It sounded more like a question than an answer. Now you would think I would be upset in the fact he was having me to meet her, but no I have actually met a few of Von's girlfriends. However like this occasion, always an unpleasant surprise. Those I found out later, he never had sex with. This was different, this is one he had sex and a baby reproduced from it. I keep driving down the highway though.

I ask him, "How old is the baby?"
"To be honest...I'm not sure, Young."
"You don't know how old it?"
"I know he is a baby!"
"Well congratulations, you know it's still a baby!...I'm talking about months, years Von"
"I don't know, he's little and he was real little the last time I saw him, like just been born little, yo."
"When was that, Von?"
"Like right before I got locked up."
This means it was around early fall. Either August or early September. I ask him where does this girl live.
"We heading to the 'Burg, Y!"
I'm gettign real mad now. I reply, "That's like 25 miles away."
In a pleading way, he responds, "I need to see them tonight, Young."
Then another thing comes to mind, so I ask him next, "Why do you need to see her tonight, and why you got me, taking you to see her?"
"Because I want to see my son, before I leave town," is what he replies.
So it was a boy, he hadn't said what it was before. Plus more surprises...I have to admit, that's what kept me interested this long, Von keeps it interesting. I reply, "Since when are you leaving town?"
"I told you that already, nigga!"
"Uh...no...I think I would remember you telling me, that you leaving town."

He goes on tho tell me he is leaving town to go into this program, for guys with a record, it expunges things from their record or something. He will be getting his GED. It's like a boot camp type deal, except he will be saying in a dorm setting. He was leaving in the following morning. I was having mixed feelings now. I was happy, that he was taking charge of his life in a good way, but I wasn't sure how I was feeling about the baby thing. He knew about this baby last summer.

We have been driving for about 15 or 20 minutes by now, and it finally dawned on me, where we were going. I ask him is he sure, we are going to the "'Burg", because this wasn't the ways to the "'Burg". Now Von gets aggravated that I, am always questioning him, when it comes to directions, but the thing is he is always getting us lost! Not just one time but every time, when we following his directions. One time while we were suppose to go to the mall 15 minutes away, we got lost. Now he got us to a mall, with his back way directions. Not the mall we were suppose to go to, but he got us to a mall...in fact a mall in another city. I don't know how he did it, but following his back way directions, we ended up in completely different city, 40 miles away. That was a lovely trip also. I have to question him, for my sanity. I repeat this isn't the way to the "'Burg" Von. He tells me that he made sure he got directions, before we left his house. After about another 5 or 10 minutes. I have to repeat this is not the way to the "'Burg"! He tells me that he talked to the baby mama, and she told them him all he had to do was get on I-64 to the "'Burg".
Von says, "Are we on 64?"
"Yeah"
"Then we are going the right way, Young...Trust me!"
"So, she said 64 NORTH?"
Turns slowly to me in my direction, with a frown on his face. Then replies, "North?"
I literally slam on brakes in the middle of the highway. I quickly hits me, that I'm on the highway, and can't do that. Thank God no one was behind me, but it was a gut instinct. I knew better, but I continue to listen to his dumb tail. He repeats, "What do you mean North?" I began to look for an exit to turn around, instantly. I'm ignoring him now. just talking and mumbling to myself. He keeps asking me.
I reply back to him, "What do you mean, what do I mean?...North!...Von, did she say North or South?"
"She didn't say, Yo!"
"Well I guess she figured you knew to take South to the "'Burg"
"My bad, yo... I didn't think it made a difference."
Oh I'm mad now..."You didn't think it made a difference?...Von when you tell some one left or right in directions...Don't that make a difference on how they get, to where they need to go?"
He looks like he is thinking, he replies, "Yeah"
"Then whether we are going North or South, makes a DIFFERENCE!!"

After about another 3 or 4 miles I finally get a exit, where we can turn around. The sign says, that the Burg is now 45 miles or so away. This little mishap on Von's part, let me add, took us 25 miles or so out the way. I tell him, "Great now we are over 45 minutes away from the "'Burg"!
Von replies, "How you figure that?"
I'm not going to lie in a very passive aggressive tone, I say, "Well Von, lets say that each miles equals a minute. If it takes us 45 miles to get there, and each mile equals about a minute, then 45 miles equals about 45 minutes."
"Well thank you professor, for another lesson," he says sarcastically.

We continue to drive in silence. Von breaks the silence, with his riveting revelation. "You know what, Young?... With all theses dark woods and forest surrounding the highway, it's scary out here." I don't even have the patience to respond to that comment.

Something that has been bothering me since Von told me about the baby. A part of me, was holding myself back, from not asking him this question. I don't want to ask him, but I have to. "Von, how do you know it's really your baby?" I don't want to but, I feel like I have to ask.

Okay well I'm tired of writing at this moment,so I guess this will be a two part post. I think I become to detail, when telling my story. I need to learn to change that.SORRY!!!